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Do you feel like you can be very different people?
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Do you have trouble remembering what happened through your week?
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Do you have minimal memories of your childhood?
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Do you feel a lot of conflict within yourself, and have unexplainable extremes in your behavior, thoughts, or attitudes?
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Do you have conversations in your head, and do the voices in your head talk about you?
Read on…. This article is for you.
And no, you are not crazy.
Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) is an adaptive response to a very maladaptive environment. It develops in response to trauma severe enough that people can only handle the experience by mentally splitting themselves off from it.
A common thought becomes, “that’s not happening to me – it’s happening to somebody else.”
By forming other selves to handle traumatic situations, the person compartmentalizes the experiences and dissociates themselves from their occurrence. This allows the person to maintain a separated sense of self, safely secluded away from danger. even when their physical body is obviously forced to participate in intolerable activities.
The treatment for DID is based on reversing and repairing this splitting and separating.
This amazing coping skill, once highly adaptive in traumatic situations and originally a life- and sanity-saving strategy, eventually causes great disturbances in a person’s life. Over the course of time, the depth of pain, the volume of emotionally laden memories and experiences, the constant conflict between too many opposing needs, the hidden loss of original self, and the chaos of having many separate selves all become too overwhelming to manage.
The dissociative walls that once neatly separated these areas begin to crumble — complications, confusion, disarray ensues.
By this time, therapeutic treatment for dissociative disorders can be highly beneficial.
As these survivors gain safety from any ongoing abuse and any ongoing reason to dissociate, they can begin the process of healing and re-associating themselves with their parts.
This occurs gradually, as they connect with the painful, emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual experiences that forced them to split and separate in the first place.
Only as dissociative survivors re-learn about their traumatic history, meet the needs that went unmet at the time, find comfort for their pain, and develop a safe life without trauma, can they heal the emotional wounds that have been left unattended for so many years.
The dissociative treatment process is long and complex because of the depth of the issues involved. Typically for those with DID, the abuse occurred for years, with a wide variety of offenders, and a significant lack of comfort or assurance of safety. Pain, crisis and trauma became an “everyday normal reality” and no area of life was unaffected by such extreme trauma. Healing from this depth of injury takes time because there is so much healing to do.
If you are dissociative and you’ve carried your hidden pain within your hidden selves for too long, healing through the reconnection process is beautiful. It is not easy, but it is very much worth the effort.
I wish you the very best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
This is so overwhelming and I cant get to know them I asked today who was depressed I heard them talk and I completely forgot what they said and journaling we are afraid to do this is overwhelming
Hi Nessa,
Just take one small step at a time. Feelings of overwhelm are okay. That means that you are trying and you are getting feedback. That is all good. Just slow down a little so you do not get run over by the overwhelm okay. Maybe ask one of your insiders if they would come forward to talk about their depression. Tell your folks that you cannot hear their thoughts/concerns if they are talking all at once and that you need to take it one small step at a time so that they can all be heard eventually. Maybe in the safety and control of one at a time, you will be able to hear more and take it in. Forgetting is fine. Don’t get yourself in a knot about this. Just tell your folks that you are having some memory issues and that it is not because you do not want to hear them. Keep listening and eventually some of what they are saying will seep in. Personally, I have not had any success with journaling with my insiders but it could be worth a try. What do you have to loose?
ME+WE
03/01/19
Oh my MissyMing but you do have a huge pile of concerns on your plate right now. Finding balance and a good solution for everything is a real struggle … I can hear that big time. I so wish that I had some brilliant words of wisdom to offer about your workplace. It sounds like such a stressful situation. I am assuming that there is no way to just do your job and forget what your boss and co-worker are doing (and keep out of any “middles”)? Keep trying with your little ones to get them in a safe place and out of the work situation. Maybe call upon an inside helper to assist you with this. You know that my little ones have their sunshine tent. Well, my two boy insiders guard the tent from the outside. I tell the girls that it is to protect them from outsiders but, in part, it is to keep them inside as well.
I will certainly keep you in my prayers and send positive, strong energy your way – and a bunch of {{{hugs}}}.
ME+WE
01/19/19
Thank you Me+We…..No worries about you not having an answer for me….I am sorry for dumping so much of my stuff on ya’ll – I mainly just need a safe place to be able to FULLY get stuff out while I figure out what to do – Inside perspectives need to be considered – but it sounds too freaky to Outsiders and just proves that I have “emotional problems”….so I figure ya’ll would be the best sounding board for me because ya’ll understand Inside stuff….
Others have told me the same thing you said….to just ignore it and do my job….I have been trying for 3 years – but getting nowhere….I keep feeling INTENSE need to learn how to set boundaries and to speak up and say “I am NOT OK with this”…..but doing that feels very “dangerous”…..the conflict is REALLY hard – which then triggers off the “suicidal one” and Despair……
My co-worker has a very STRONG personality which evidently my boss doesn’t know how to deal with …so he zeroes in on me – possibly to give himself an ego-boost because he knows I will crumble into submissiveness….To let parts know that I DO hear them, I try to take even tiny stands against her manipulations…but then I get reprimanded by him (in front of her – no less) ….. I automatically submit and comply and she continues on her way as she wants – the focus now off of her…..
My boss has now told me I am not allowed to say anything about the situations UNLESS he asks me (which is rarely) and then I am to ONLY respond with a “Yes” or a “No” – no further details to be given….Parts and Rage are in an uproar because now our “voice” has been taken away from us…Our boss has also told me that he will probably not be able to correct the situations with her…which means that in order for me to keep working there…I will have to be “OK” with feeling used…..Parts are NOT happy…..I keep trying to just do my job – but the turmoil is intense…..
I DON’T want her fired (which he seems to be incapable of anyway) – I just want to be respected and to not see the HUGE discrepancies between his requirements of her and of me….I still don’t know the parts’ stories – but being “used” seems to be a HUGE trigger for them and Rage starts bubbling… – angry that I am “weak” and not doing anything about anything… not fun seeing flashes of an Insider “shredding” my Inside arm in anger ….Trying to find a “safe” place for the parts is not working either – Rage says it is a cop-out because he knows I will just keep letting it all happen…which means that I am “OK” with being used…
Thanks for your input, Me+We….I appreciate your insight……I continue onward with processing…..
MissyMing
01/22/19
Hello Me+We….Hope you are feeling better….thanks for your encouragement…I still go through a lot of battles that I don’t “fit in” anywhere and will eventually find out that I said everything wrong…did everything wrong…. and then here comes the snowballing panic ….but I am bit by bit remembering it is a symptom of my “problem” and just try to “hang in” there until stuff settles down……
I did have to eventually leave the “helping” animals career although they are a HUGE, HUGE part of my heart….I couldn’t handle them dying….it kept triggering off some weird “hysteria” somewhere deep Inside and being all Twilight Zone-y didn’t mix well with the need to be “professional”……I tried working at a shelter – but the fact of animals being “abandoned” was triggering and then I had to do “euthanasias” which bottomed me out…..soooooo, now I clean a school at night – away from commotion – away from a lot of people…..the best that I can do right now…..although I am now looking for another job…..
Getting way too triggered by being caught in the middle of a power struggle between the boss and my only co-worker…. WAY too triggered….I keep “seeing” that I am being majorly head-gamed, manipulated, and left in confusion by both of them (I thought for a while my boss was a “safe” person and evidently shared too much – because I am now “seeing” it used against me)……
And, of course, the prevailing opinion is that the problems I “think” I see with situations are simply due to my own “emotional problems”……I am very sensitive to “undercurrents” – and the more I try to “ignore” them and just clean, the more Internal havoc there is….the parts get angry that I am trying to make them be “OK with abuse”….(Seems like I remembered reading in one of Kathy’s articles that “parts are very sensitive to injustices” or something like that – I am finding out it is SO, SO true….they are VERY aware)…..
I am caught in the middle Outside…and caught in the middle Inside…..just been really rough and I really do need to get out of there…..I have been waiting 3 years for promised corrections to be made – but it is not happening…..and it is affecting my health (I have cracked 2 teeth and battle a LOT of stomach stress)…I don’t seem to know how to “hide” the parts in a “safe” place….they are determined to “watch” because they see me not knowing how to “protect” them from what my boss and co-worker are doing……I must confess…I do NOT know how to set boundaries without battling MASSIVE confusion – and I don’t know how to take a stand against what they do….it always seems to backfire on me and I am the one in trouble……
I just now gotta find out where to go in a small town area….I will be walking away from the best “pay” I have ever had and the benefits that are so needed…..BUT – I am also dealing with major bills that insurance didn’t cover because of hospitalizations due to massive work triggers…..so it is 6 of one and 1/2 dozen of the other……
The idea of “starting over” again is very hard for me….my level of “confidence” is down near the floor – but I have to try…..bill paying is on me….hubby is retired with a bad back and not enough SS….I HAVE to work or we don’t have a roof over our heads – and too little of anything else…I have to hide most everything I am from him (he is a “just get over it” guy – just wish I knew what the “it” was) – I cannot add his “worries” to my already piled up to overflowing plate….He already tells me I am “hateful” and he can’t talk to me (??????) ……Soooooo –
Prayers for guidance and/or positive thoughts would be appreciated…..thank you….
MissyMing
01/17/19
Thank you Me+We and Lori….appreciate ya’ll’s input….sooooo, I am not alone in going over stuff again and again – trying to get it to sink in…..I used to be “smart” – was a vet Assistant who loved lab work….would sure like to know where that “smart” part of me went…..hate feeling so “thick-headed” all the time……thanks for ya’ll’s encouragement….just me getting stuff out there so I can see where I am at……
Also Me+We…thanks for “itemizing” and commenting so clearly!….amazing how much it helps for me to know where I am at…….
MissyMing
01/15/19
Dear Sweet MissyMing.
Just wanted to acknowledge your posting here. I apologize that I am not in a place to write more. Just wanted you to know that you are cared for here … very, very much. WOW … I could not work with animals in crisis. I so admire that!
ME+WE
01/15/19
MissyMing I’m sorry I haven’t found the blog article yet. Yes she has talked about in her podcast .its easier for us if we read things also. That way it sticks not just in one ear and out the other
No problem Lori! I just keep my eyes open for whatever strikes me…..appreciate your help…thank you!
MissyMing
01/17/19
MissyMing
I found these comments in the treadbut I will keep looking .
MissyMing I just want you know I have not forgot about you .
Thank you, Lori, for all your research….definitely some questions for me to consider….like “Does it matter if you are or aren’t the original?”….I don’t even know how to answer that….it’s just that sometimes I feel like i am “watching” who I thought was “me”…..I can’t tell if I am shifting “into me” or “out of me”…..(how weird does THAT sound)……anyway…it’s pondering stuff that “hurts my brain”…….Thank you again! I really appreciate it!
MissyMing
01/19/19
Not sure where this is to go….but I think I “read” somewhere one time of someone saying that they were “devastated” to find that they were NOT the original or the actual host or something….can’t remember what….I keep “sensing” that some kind of “transitioning” is coming but I don’t know what that means – or “transitioning” to where? …….and it scares me….I keep “feeling” like “I” am not the “real me” – or whatever that means….If “I” am not “me”….then who am “I”? What will happen to “me”?…….(Ok – I am getting tangled up here…) …The pronouns of “me” and “I” are “feeling” very confusing….It is scary when you sign a note to a close family member as “Me” and then don’t know who “Me” is…….Is this “normal”?????
MissyMing
Omg Lori would sign her notes to Joe that way and sometime the outside girls.
And yes that was Lori that blog about not being the birth Lori. I will ask her to respond to you . She is resting right now. I will put on our bulletin board to look at your post.
I will say this she feels A lot better know that she as the truth. She not question who she is anymore
Thank you Jessie….I will watch to see if Lori can help me through this….it is a scary confusing “feeling”…..
MissyMing
01/09/19
NissyMing
I never felt like I belonged. When “my “ birthday was getting close I hated it I dreaded the thought of that even happening . It didn’t feel like my day it didn’t feel special. The body twin brother was always excited . I asked him once why it was so special. His answer was it was the day we were welcomed into the world it’s a celebration Of our first breath of air.
Well I never felt that way I have never felt the innocence of play or felt this body was mine. I had been question the concept for a wile but I said I was being crazy and never followed through . Then one day I cam across one of Kathy’s articles here on the blog. It said sometime tabout he front person is not the original brith person. A light bulb went on . It felt right.
I talked it over with my therapist. We set up a consultation with Kathy. I needed to know if it was true. The thoughts all of them were mixed up . I was happy if I wasn’t and sad to think why I had to be the one to say out and deal with so much stuff.
One day my therapist was talking to Missy (Missy is our inside controller)she confirmed it was true.
So my suggestion to you is to ask somebody on the inside. But also Prepare yourself for an answer. Even though I thought I needed the answer. It was still. Big bag of more questions
Thank you for the input, Lori……Some years back we caught a “flash” of one who was called “Main Her”….she was only a faint mist but has gradually gotten more “solid” over the years….we only catch a glimpse of her once in a great while….but she still doesn’t look at us….seems like she is in her “own world”…..we don’t really know “who” she is…but feels like somebody “important”……
I know the “feeling” of “thoughts all mixed up”….that is where “I” am right now…..if she is “supposed” to be the “real me”….then where do “I” belong?….what happens to “me”?……It is a scary “feeling”…….a REALLY scary “feeling”….but then I wonder if i am just plumb crazy and making stuff up…….
“Prepare yourself for an answer”…..that, bottom line, puts knots in my stomach….but I think you are right…..
Yes it’s is turn my world up side down . But on a positive note. I do not have to be nice to the so called. Father figure now
I’m also trying to figure out what Article that was that Kathy had posted
Hi Missy Ming, Jessie/Lori,
I do not go looking for the “birth me” in my fronts or any of my insiders. The “birth” us is not to be found in any one of our selves. The birth us is the collection of all of us. It is not like we were born and had one identity and then some extra parts showed up out of thin air and joined us as an add on to what was the “original” us. Kathy describes this very well in the podcast — PODCAST: Matt from Beyond Your Past with Kathy from Discussing Dissociation – with her chocolate bar analogy. All of our parts were there the second that we were born. They are all “original” to us. To find our “birth” selves we have to gather up all of our parts and work together as one.
ME+WE
01/11/19
Thanks Me+We….will have to listen to that to try to understand it….I don’t know who “Main Her” is….that is what she was called before I knew there was a DD site…..it feels like we are all doing as best as we can while we are waiting for her to get “solid and strong”…..don’t know what all that means or what it will look like or how long it will take….it has been quite a while already……but maybe I AM making this stuff up….my head hurts…..
Wish I could understand this stuff better……..
Me+We….thanks for that link…Although I have a hard time with podcast type stuff, I just listened to it…
I tend to feel all “Twilight Zone-y” when I “hear” Outside stuff…especially if there is more than a few sentences being said that I am supposed to keep up with…I lose sense of it being concrete and then I’m not sure I really heard what I thought I heard….In meetings I have to take notes as proof of what I heard or I get all confused later…sometimes to the point that my being in the meeting feels like I dreamed it or something…I will hang onto a phrase or a word that was said as “proof” that I really was there….but the struggle can be hard….
On the other side of the coin, hearing “Inside” stuff feels much more “concrete” to me than hearing Outside stuff….not nearly so much confusion about whether I “heard” something or not……For some reason – Inside feels more “real” than Outside…Just gotta deal with how Inside stuff makes no logical sense to Outside brains (either mine or somebody else’s)…..Also, reading articles, etc is easier for me, too….there is black and white proof of what is being said…..
Sorry…got side-tracked….Anyway…yes – the chocolate bar analogy made sense….now I just gotta figure out how what I “see” on the Inside makes sense….
One thing she said did make “me” (or some part) want to cry…..the ones that are “blended” and don’t know “who” they are…..I thought I was crazy….I see some that are very “distinct”…but the ones that are like “blurry” or you can’t even see a “distinct” emotion connected to them (yet you KNOW they are there) have left me feeling “lost”…..stirs up a lot of confusion that tries to send you into full-blown denial….it is rough……
So…..I am still plowing….bit by bit getting there – or somewhere….thanks for your help……..
I will do my best to find it. Or maybe you Kathy and bring it up . I have a been pretty discombobulated lately. With a so much stuff . There is a written article here on the blog that talks about it. We also had a phone consult with For hour and a half. I Lori didn’t stay out very long but Jessie Baby and a few other enjoyed talking with her very much. Me+We is right about the podcast. That analogy with the chocolates help me get focuse. It helped me feel that even though I wasn’t the birth Lori , I still belonged.
Hi Lori,
You and every part of the system of inside and outside folks that live in the body are super important, belong and are a part of the whole. Remember that you are like a chocolate bar that has been broken up into different pieces. Every piece is just as full of all of the special goodness of the original chocolate bar.
It is okay to be discombobulated here. We are all here to reach out with a steady, caring hand to help you. Be gentle and patient with yourself. Remember one small step at a time.
ME+WE
01/14/19
Hello MissyMing,
“maybe I AM making this stuff up”
Nope … you are just lost in the vortex of confusion, pain and dissociation that is DID right now. We are standing by your side to help support you and help you find your way.
“I tend to feel all “Twilight Zone-y” when I “hear” Outside stuff”
Oh ya … I reread and listen to things over and over and over again and still it sometimes does not sink in. I had my cursor on the pause button the whole time that I listened to this podcast and went back and forth listening to it several times over.
“yes – the chocolate bar analogy made sense….now I just gotta figure out how what I “see” on the Inside makes sense….”
LOL … when you figure this out will you tell me how to do it (i.e., making sense of your Inside world)?
“stirs up a lot of confusion that tries to send you into full-blown denial”
Oh ya again. My inside world is not static so sometimes just when I think that I have it sorted out, things change and I am back to doubting myself and worrying that it is all just an illusion created by my overly active imagination.
We are on this journey together MissyMing. We will get there I am sure. Just do not know when or how just yet but, as long as we keep talking, we keep moving forward! ☺
ME+WE
01/13/19
I am grateful for your efforts to help people understand what Dissociative Identity Disorder is and what survivors experience. I am in a situation where I am not allowed to discuss it because it is seen as living in the past and selfish. I stay in the situation because I am more safe where I am due to serious threats from people acting on behalf of a group involved in Ritual Abuse. I don’t know what the answer is in my situation but I do know the more people understand that those who suffer from this disorder are not crazy, the more we have a voice to advocate for ourselves. Thank you for doing the work you do.
Hello RAsurvivor,
I am so happy that you have found your voice here. Silence is the imprisoning tool of our abusers. We can break free of their tyranny here. I am concerned when you say: “I stay in the situation because I am more safe where I am due to serious threats from people acting on behalf of a group involved in Ritual Abuse.” I hope that you are safe. If you are forced into silence to be in a safe place, then you can find the freedom of speaking your truth here instead. Whatever works to make your life safe and, hopefully, healing. We are here. You are not alone.
ME+WE
01/08/19
Kathy, do you not buy into the theory of structural dissociation at all? The idea that there never was 1 whole person who “split off” parts to cope with the trauma? Instead that there were several parts who developed simultaneously as trauma was repeated throughout the childhood and thus, never melded into 1 unified personality like singletons do?
I’d be interested to hear your thoughts…
We used to find the theory so invalidating and in some ways still do. It seems virulently against considering these parts as people and giving them the time, identity ownership and compassion they need to heal and that in and of itself is traumatic. It’s very integration oriented in my experience. And places a TON of pressure and onus on the ANP’s to do the work and accept the EP’s into themselves. Rather than just, ya know, helping the EP’s an accepting them for who they are- whole, unique souls who have a right to exist in their own way without pain and without needing to be melted into someone else.
But the actual theory behind it seems to fi, at least for our system… Hosts are alters too, just cos we carry the bodies name doesn’t mean we were here first. I can name 4 others who were in existence before “i” was.
But yet, whenever i enter therapy or what you read online suggests that the person who carries the bodies name and who hosts is automatically the “original”…
I wonder if and how scientists will ever truly prove the theory of structural dissociation true or adapt it to factually based information. It would be so interesting to know.
Hello, Kathy.
Do you have any articles that would help with the question of “What if I am not the original?”
Wondering
Wren
1-7-2018
Wren, that is a question which haunts me sometimes. I hope Kathy might be able to shed some light on it…
Hi SharonJayne,
Welcome to Discussing Dissociation.
And… that’s a big question — one I’ve been asked several times this week — and many times thru’ the years. It looks like I need to write a post about it, especially as this theme has come up a few times recently.
My quick answer is…. in my experience, it’s very hard to know who is the original, and usually, who I speak with in the system is not the original person. And while many folks in DID system’s may answer to the body name / legal name, that doesn’t necessarily mean that any of them are “the original”. But… in the end, when I’m working with a system, I don’t let myself get caught up in that quandary, at least not for very long.
My question back is …. For you, why does it matter if you are or aren’t the original? Does it matter who is or isn’t the original? You are a team now, a group of many. You are lots of insiders who came at different times, for different reasons. Do you give “the original” a different place of importance? Or a different status? What makes it important for you to know who the original is?
And then… depending on the answers to those questions, I may work on that issue more with someone.
I can go further in my thoughts, so I agree — it’s a topic worth writing about, and I’ll definitely add that to my list of blog topics to do as soon as I can.
Thanks for the comment — 🙂
Welcome again, and I hope you continue to post more of your thoughts and questions.
Warmly,
Kathy
Hello all and to all parts!
I’m Meg, and I have five parts, that I know of. I’m brand new to this and just got acquainted with all of them. I’m only 23 and had severe trauma since the day I was born and still experience it sometimes. I know there’s this big world out there for DID but I’m not sure where to start. My girls (parts) and I are so overwhelmed and don’t know where to go or who to turn to… I guess we are scared and need a starting point. Any advice would be so helpful to all of us. Thank you in advance!
Hey Meg —
I’ve just noticed that this is your first comment here on Discussing Dissociation, and somehow I’ve missed welcoming you here! My apologies for being so slow, but I still want to say hi and encourage you to return to our community.
Being brand new to DID is a big big super big thing…. it answers a lot of questions, but creates about a zillion more. It’s super good to know tho, because until you know you are DID, you can’t address or resolve the problems that come with being DID.
One of the first things I suggest is reading the 101+ Ways to See DID — Dissociative Identity Disorder Described. You can learn a lot about how DID can present itself in your life by looking at that free report, Also, the Discussing Dissociation newsletter will give you some guidance in navigating this huge website.
Next… just read what you can, and post where you can. There are lots of ways to ask questions, and as you get more involved with the community here, you’ll get more support for all that overwhelm you are feeling, and get more answers / ideas for how to navigate the problems you are experiencing. The DD YouTube videos will also be a very good place for you to learn about DID.
You’ve got a great start in your healing by recognizing at your young age that you are dissociative. So many folks don’t get a clear understanding that they are multiple until much later in life. If you can start working with your system now, you will be able to achieve healing and stability sooner. Of course, safety first — it’s very important to figure out how to be safe in your current day life — and as you do more work with your insiders, you’ll be able to help address that concern as well.
Thanks so much for being brave enough to write here, and I hope to see you again.
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Hi Meg,
I am so very glad that Kathy posted this response to you because somehow I did not see your original posting. Such is the life with a dodgy DID memory. ☺ I want to welcome you as well as one of the community members here. I am so happy that you posted here.
Really, really happy because there is a community of understanding here that is safe and knowledgeable (both from a clinical-practice perspective – Kathy and Laura – as well as a bunch of folks that are on the same journey as you are). When you ask: “don’t know where to go or who to turn to… I guess we are scared and need a starting point” … well, you just landed yourself in a place where compassion, enlightenment and hope reside. You are not alone here Meg. We are here to help one another.
Now, there is a TON of stuff on the website. This can be a bit overwhelming at first. Well, heck I have been here for four years and I am still discovering new things every day. Start where Kathy has suggested and then expand out with the articles featured on the home page. Also, check to see what folks here are talking about (the last 20 postings are listed in the right-hand column of the webpage – scroll down to find it). If you have specific questions you would like to explore, you can do a key word search of the website – again in the right-hand column under Kathy’s picture.
Baby steps are in order. There is a LOT to read. Start on the topics most important to you. Sometimes the comments sections can be a bit confusing. It is hard to know who said what and when sometimes. Some of us have started to date our comments but it really does not matter if comments are current or not. Skim through for what may be helpful to you and do not get too bogged down in the comments.
Whatever is on your mind, questions/concern you may have, problems navigating the website, just wanting to feel connected with other DID folks … whatever … post away. The section entitled “Still Our Normal Complicated Selves”, is a blog that Kathy set up for us to post on anything that we want to write about. So, if you do not know where you should comment, that is always a good place to post.
Welcome Meg!
ME+WE
09/05/18
Reblogged this on ☀️ army of one ☀️ and commented:
splitting sickness
I was hoping to obtain an answer and do not know where else to ask this particular question. Is it possible for a person with DID to be so “separated” from one’s self that there is no chance of finding that self no matter how much work is or has been done?
Hi Betty,
Interesting question. I can answer with MY opinion…. and this is assuming there are no other medical causes interfering with the situation. I’m sure others may have their own thoughts, but these are a few of mine.
In a situation regarding DID alone, I think that practically any internal information / internal person can be found if that information is truly wanted. If there is a wall / reason to resist gaining that information, the search then becomes to understand “why” there is such a strong block and then how can you respond to the concerns on that level. With DID, everyone does their internal system in their own way, so understanding your own personal blockages / your own internal refusals / your own deeply emotional needs to have (or not have) specific information is necessary. How would it protect you to not actually have that information? Why would you need that person to be completely and permanently separated from the rest of the system?
Basically… your internal system belongs to you, so if you want to know someone in your system, you should be able to find out about that internal person. You might need to get creative and really honest with yourselves about your motives, and your fears, your worries, your memories, and whether you “really want to know” or not. And ask those same questions from that internal person’s perspective as well.
I think there is always hope in these situations. It just takes working thru’ the very complicated emotional jigsaw puzzle to put the pieces together.
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
thanks for posting. i found your blog a few weeks ago, and have since read through most of your old entries. glad you’re still active here.
i’ve been struggling with the unraveling / walls crumbling for the past year and a half, and recently was able to face the DiD dx with my therapist…pretty overwhelming. Lots of littles popping out of boxes, with my previously revolving set of ANPs on long-term hiatus. Pretty confusing. But your blog entries have given us some hope.
Thank you for this article and all the articles you’ve posted.
Reblogged this on Discussing Dissociation.
Be honest with your hubby; mulitipixie9!
I’m going through much of the same. Some of mine are afraid to rock the boat and get hurt but tell him I need to get better and this is what it will take.
I’ve had friends who don’t believe I have DiD and say well just leave the past in the past and focus on the future and the present/ be happy for what you have.
However, the past is what’s haunting me today and if you haven’t been there: it’s hard to understand.
And likewise your spouse may not want to believe you have been harmed so bad you created people to help; he loves you and doesn’t want to see you hurt.
People fear what they don’t understand.
Print documents or email him them about understanding what Did is and how it applies to you.
Thanks hope it helps.
IMO DID can come in 3 flavors:
It’s a diagnosis when everything is going good; symptoms / behavior are under control to the benefit of all. No real amnesia, no loss of time – life seems ‘normal’ (ok, there’s a lot of laughing by my insiders, but that’s okay. 🙂
It’s a disorder when the ‘person’ (system, ‘you all’) begins to have those ‘intrusive thoughts’, inability to control what you ‘want’ to do, etc. – depressive episodes (as well as manic), a little BPD (borderline, not bipolar) appears – cracks appear in the system.
It’s a disease when the system or ‘alters’ fight amongst themselves, form opposing factions, suicidal idealiation turns into act; self-harm issues, self-destructive behaviors (say Mikie, one of my alters, jumping into drugs), pushing people away, pushing people out, spending all our money . . . gee, the list goes on, doesn’t it? LOL. I lead by example, albeit sometimes a horrid one (big rueful smile).
But the fact is you CAN get ‘better’. Everyone’s path is different, but some of us who have gone along it can leave signposts for the rest. Chose to follow or not, the decision – and work! – is up to you. ‘We’ chose to go with a cooperative system base, and for us it’s a diagnosis right now . . . but we’re reasonably confident that should it turn into a ‘disorder’, we have the tools on hand. It’s a learning of your system (for ‘me’) and accepting your selves. All of them. And then forgiving them, yourself, and more . . . for being a creative human, if nothing else, or a collection of wonderful souls.
Thanks Jeffssong,
What a fun comment! I can tell you’ve done plenty of thinking, and I love the cheekiness of your inside people. ;). Sounds like y’all know how to have fun together, despite the hard days. 🙂
I like your ideas of accepting yourselves, and forgiving yourselves, and recognizing your system as a collection of creative wonderful souls. I can tell you can go far far with your healing by holding those truths dear to you. Yes, everything with DID gets considerably worse and more difficult to manage when there is so much fighting amongst the system. I completely agree with you. Very well said, thank you.
Thanks for writing, and I hope you keep reading here. 🙂
Warmly,
Kathy
hi kathy,
do you believe a person can accomplish healing and resolution with their system of insiders while living in a marriage to someone who cares for the host but denies the reality of who we all are?
i was dx as d.i.d. in 1993. after a few dysfunctional years beginning therapy my husband declared this “problem” didn’t really exist and therefore i could not be dissociative/multiple. we were married 13 years before the dx and we are still together, but it is not a good marriage for either of us – both of us suffer in it. we don’t want a divorce, either of us.
i just wish i could find a place of detente or amnesty where he and i could exist in love and let each other believe what we choose. all i want is to be able to be loved and able to love fully in return.
thanks for opening this site and helping; there are so many of us out here.
leslie speaking for the group
Hi leslie —
and hi to the rest of the group too 🙂
Oh boy – this is such a difficult topic area. I’ve got it on my “post about this” list to write about family relationships / spouses, etc, and their role in your healing journey…
Can you progress through your healing journey even if your spouse doesn’t support it? The short answer is, yes, I believe you can — BUT — it will be a whole lot harder. Your healing has to belong to yourself, so even if your spouse doesn’t understand, that can’t be left as a deciding factor for you. Lots of spouses don’t understand, but I can guarantee you, your hubby has seen a whole lot more of your “group” than he will ever admit or realize. There is no way you have lived with him for all these years and not switched hundreds of times in front of him. He just might not realize that you are switching to others.
But, it is hard to think you still have to hide or disguise your parts from the person you live with, and that will certainly slow things down in some ways. And, you can figure out how to work around that too — so please don’t let that stop your healing. I totally agree that being loved and accepted is so very important to healing. If you focus your work on you accepting all your insiders, it will matter less about whether or not your hubby does. And as you truly accept your inner people, your hubby will be spending more time with them whether he realizes it or not. 🙂
I’ll be posting about this soon, so more on this topic later.
Thanks for the question — it’s a good one.
Kathy
KB
Thank you so much for using the word ‘self/selves’ instead of the usual ‘parts, alter or host’ it is much more respectful.
Though many of us prefer to be called ‘person/people’ it’s confusing at best unless you’re actually multiple and believe in your own separate personhood.
I’ve found your entries well thought out and helpful.
Ravin
Hi Ravin,
Thanks for your comment – I appreciate hearing from you.
I very much approach my work with Dissociative Disorders by recognizing the individual people inside. I realize that many other therapists take a more “talk to the host only” approach, but in my opinion, I haven’t found that to be particularly effective. In my experience… talking to the individuals inside – to all the different people – seems to work a whole lot better. Everybody matters, right?!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts –
Warmly,
Kathy