Interested in hearing a podcast interview about Dissociative Identity Disorder?
Click here to hear:
Episode 99 – Discussing Dissociation and DID with Kathy Broady MSW
This podcast interview was hosted by Matt Pappas — a Certified Life Coach, who specializes in overcoming anxiety and trauma recovery. Matt is a trauma survivor and is a dedicated Mental Health Advocate.
Beyond Your Past Radio is part of the Mental Health News Radio Network. Beyond Your Past Radio has thousands and thousands of listens, and is heard in over 60 countries. It’s an amazing resource!
I had a great time talking with Matt, and it was a genuine honor and a delightful privilege to have this opportunity. I hope you enjoy this 41-minute conversation, and hear lots of helpful bits that are useful for you and your system.
Click here to read the podcast conversation:
Episode 99 with Kathy
Published: November 8, 2018
Topics Discussed:
Intro about Kathy, Kathy’s experience with DID, places worked, etc.
What is DID?
Addressing DID — so much to learn!
The stigma about DID — are dissociative survivors “crazy” or “faking it” or psychotic?
How many people have DID?
How DID is caused — a very genuine, creative, and complicated response to a very severe and complicated trauma that starts in childhood and expands through the years
What types of trauma contribute to the development of DID?
When there is no escape, and no help to survive the trauma…
Is it a good idea to talk to the different parts of the system or to talk only to the “real” person?
Who is the real person?
When the insiders get stuck and frozen at a specific place and time…
Distinct presentations, vs. mixed groupings of insiders present
Describing DID with a chocolate bar metaphor!
Losing time — what is really happening, what it is, how common is it?
How to overcome dissociative amnesia and lost time
Tips for spouses/ partners, accepting your spouse’s parts and their entire system
Spouses need support also — it’s complicated for partners too!
Safety. What if the survivor is still experiencing harm, danger, pain, violence, or abuse?
Importance of doing DID system work and how internal teamwork helps to solve problems
The troubles with starting with memory work too soon
Importance of being connected to the here-and-now
Barky Joe Bob — ol’ Joe had his own things to say on this podcast!
Upcoming 10th year anniversary of DiscussingDissociation.com
Various resources available at Discussing Dissociation
I hope you take the time to listen to this podcast! If so, what did you think?
Your thoughts, comments, and questions are welcomed, of course.
And if you enjoyed this podcast, please remember that Matt is an experienced podcast interviewer, and has many other excellent podcast interviews recorded before this one. You can learn lots and stay very busy listening to all of these excellent interviews!
I hope you are inspired by Matt’s example. There are many ways to advocate for Mental Health, DID, and Dissociative Disorders! Please share these podcasts with your friends, loved ones, and your mental health team. Also, I hope these interviews encourage you to help educate the world about the truth about DID, in whatever way that fits for you. Hopefully Beyond Your Past Radio will inspire you to advocate even more!
Thanks again for listening. I appreciate it!
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2021 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
hearing your voice always makes us feel better kathy.
I just listened to the podcast, it was great. Lots of good info, thanks Kathy!
In the beginning you had briefly touched on how it can’t be made up. Have you done any articles on that? Thats an area that I really struggle with. I feel like that perhaps I have made up some of my memories or the “parts” are making up what happened to them. I source this from all the reading I’ve done on trauma and hearing other peoples stories. I feel like I/they are just saying what others said happened to them, when it really didnt happen to me. Plus there is no way of 100% for sure saying that those ‘memories’ are true without some other eyewitness. I just don’t think the abuse I experienced was that bad (that other parts are saying) and they just happen to be saying things that I’ve read have happened to others. Help?!
-Starlight 12/2/18
Hi Starlight,
I know that Kathy is super busy right now (not to mention having technical difficulties – ARGH!) and I am not sure when she will be able to reply. So, I thought that I would jump in here because I really identify with what you are saying and wanted to offer you feedback sooner rather than later.
When I first went back to therapy five years ago (I had been in individual therapy for eight years and group therapy for five years in my late 20s/early 30s) I could not understand or believe the stuff coming out of my mouth. I was talking about childhood traumas that I was aware of (am 100% sure of) but the details about what happened were not known to me and I found myself saying things that I had never heard before. I would leave my Ts office terrified that I was going to be found out to be this horrible liar and that my T would dump me if she only knew. But, in my gut, what I was saying made sense and just felt right.
Six months into therapy, my first alter came out explicitly. I was aware that there was this little girl who lived in a cage inside of me. I had no idea what that meant or that she was an alter. I just thought it was my imagination at work. Then she came out and my understanding and world was turned upside down. I would think that I could hear what she was saying to my T but then my mind would go blank when I gained control again. When my T would tell me what I was saying, I was horrified. Now I thought that my imagination had gone way too far because I had no memory of any of the things that she was saying. So I reasoned that they could not be true.
As other alters started to make themselves known to me, I would deny their existence. I thought that I was either over the top crazy or the best (and most deceitful) actress alive. I feared for my sanity and that I would be abandoned by my T and my husband when they found out the truth – that I was surely making this all up. I went through this torment for over a year not wanting to believe that I had DID or that what my alters were saying was my truth.
The thing is that I did not want to believe what I was being told and so I down-played its significance and questioned absolutely everything that my alters told me. I feared that what they were saying was just false memories or some sick invention of my imagination to get attention. The thing is that deep down in my gut and my heart, what was being said “felt” true. It certainly explained a whole lot about my life and how I dealt with things, body feelings, how I lost time (which I denied at first or did not want to see), how I could be triggered, etc. It also explained a lot about how I had always felt about my abusers.
I could not know 100% that what I was remembering was true because there was no way to confirm what had happened (there still isn’t and never will be). But, the things that my alters said were consistent and explicit time and again. They did not add details that they did not know or make things up when they could not remember things. But, when they did remember, the details of those memories were staggering. I also got bits and pieces of information about my main abuser from others that was very consistent with him being a serial abuser. That made sense. Now it wasn’t just me that he had abused.
What I am trying to say here Starlight is that it is really hard to take in that you have DID and then to learn about all of those things that your alters have kept from you all of these years. As my T says, your subconscious will reveal information when it feels that your conscious mind is ready. So, it will not be all at once. It may take a lot of time to find out all of the details and learn about all of your alters. My alters came out to me over a three year period and I am still learning details of my abuse and neglect.
There will be things that we may never know and that is hard as well. It is a lot to take in and believe but … if you have been diagnosed with DID then you have a professional who has taken time and care to ensure that you are diagnosed correctly. And, professionals have a sixth-sense for folks making things up. And yes, your alters may be triggered by what you are reading about others but that does not mean that it is not true for you (and your alters) as well.
So, it may just be a matter of taking that leap of faith in yourself and your T right now Starlight to believe that what your alters are telling you is your truth. I know that it might feel like it is easier to think that it is not true then to face what your alters are telling you. But, in the long run, healing comes from knowing and accepting because only then can you let it all go.
I do hope that this helps Starlight. Please know that you have a caring community here that you can talk to, ask your questions and speak your truth.
ME+WE
12/03/18
Really enjoyed your podcast it was very informative. What stood out for me was your remark about October being a difficult month.
I have found Oct to be difficult as have my peers – can you expand on that observation please
Regards Maria
For me trauma not severe. Just ongoing having to repress emotion. Maybe fear dying cuz asthma. Anxiety. Over sensitivity. Seeing other people’s pain and not understanding(like I could really feel their pain and even see they inside kid sometimes-too much pain, even if not my own, I felt it) . Often anger cuz never fair cuz sib narcissistic, parents couldn’t deal. Dunno but the mom much. I be full of joy of life and prolly hyper so I annoy people lots. Joy of life must be hidden too. If you try and share people just get mad cuz you annoy. I dunno bout being little little. But prolly everything be fine. The littlest have their own separate place inside(old T who is dead helped me make it good) and they ok. So always I don’t fit in the world. Never. I think it DON’T got to be severe abuse. It just got to be hard for the kid to understand stuff, and noboddy who understands or got time for them. Then the kid dunno what to do. So kid goto be away from crazy humanity. It all just pain. Not of body, but of heart. Be with nature. Nature make sense. I belong in nature, cept it be lonely cuz we not so split no more.
Hi One,
We are on the same wavelength here. I commented above with something very similar. I just want to respond here to your comment about your trauma not being severe. I tend to measure my trauma against that of others (especially my friends here) and come to the conclusion that I did not have it that bad. And, in many ways that is correct. However, you experienced sufficient pain and trauma to bring about your dissociation One. That is not just a few problems that everyone experiences growing up. That is significant trauma that lead to a very serious coping mechanism that is your DID. There is no measurement on pain here. Your pain and trauma is just as valid and important as everyone else’s and I want you to know that from the bottom of my heart.
Oh … nature saved me growing up. My one insider would get on our bike and take us to the forest every day that he could. When winter set in, he built a skating rink in the backyard just so we could be outside at night.
Take gentle care and know that you matter to us here.
ME+WE
11/13/18
Joe Joe wants air time too! 💕🐶
Loved the Real Chocolate analogy.
I’m glad to hear you go further into explaining why children split apart.
(maybe ** Trigger Warning **, IDK)
You talked about the “excess of trauma”. For us, it wasn’t a one-time thing or one type of abuse. It was so many different assaults coming from every outward direction, constantly. If it wasn’t sexual, physical, or verbal/psychological/mental – it was having things taken from us. For (just one) instance; having our self-soothing efforts taken by my parents pretending to cut off my thumb for sucking on it. At the time I didn’t know it was pretend – they didn’t say “this isn’t really gonna happen” – and I had 4 years of knowledge that these people are violent and very capable of doing what they were threatening. When I heard the meat cleaver hit the board I blacked out. When I woke up I did not know they did NOT cut it off. I thought they did. I never sucked my thumb again, but now I have some serious addiction problems that are “hand to mouth” kind of self-soothing.
Plus, when you talked about being threatened – the fact we had terror in just the thought of telling. As a child we couldn’t tell if the threats were lies, we were shown in several ways that the threats were real. We could trust NO ONE. There was no adult around us that was safe, and if there may be someone who saw us dissociated in class and wanted to help, the abusers made a point of getting us away from them. Or, they told these well-meaning, helpful strangers we lived in a daydream world and what we tell them are all make-believe stories. Not to believe us.
There was no one to help/comfort/address the trauma. I agree this is one big whopper of a reason to split off the trauma. Because the fallout of the trauma is too much. Too much to go through alone. Someone needs to help us, so we create them. Everybody needs support after trauma and when we don’t have any kind of avenue to get that help our awesomely creative minds solve that problem. We create a “safety spot” as you said, in our minds and get away. Not just from the moment when we leave the body and someone has to take over, but for years and decades afterward we need a place to go to get away from the fallout we were never allowed to address. You said we “had no escape, no help” – we had to do the best we could for ourselves with our little child minds in the chaos and turmoil of abuse and the aftermath. Dissociation, splitting, internal worlds (escapes), leaving a part to take the abuse while the rest of us either didn’t know anything or watched from a perch above this world. Becoming another person because that did not happen to me, I have to go to school.
(can you tell I took notes 🙂 )
I like that you said “the real person is everybody”. One thing I have a problem with when wondering if I am real or if they are real or what is real, is I feel so confused. Sometimes I feel like me, sometimes I don’t know who I am, sometimes I feel little, sometimes I black out and know nothing. Co-con gets difficult and scary. Feels a lot of times like psychotic. I hear depersonalization and derealization terms, I hear that what I see super-imposed onto this reality is a dissociative process. I hear the voices, and intrusive thought/visions are a part of it all. But, all of that makes me feel very unreal. It does feel cray cray.
I love that you talked about “talking through the front person”. That is so uncomfortable for me. I just sit there while my t talks through me to the insiders. Sometimes I try to change the subject, but she is a lot like you, she knows what I’m doing and kinda makes a funny out of it and tells me she has something to say to them then we can change the subject. LOL.
One question I have is what trauma is “bad enough” to cause DID? The above situation with teaching me not to suck my thumb was bad enough because of the terror, thought they were really gonna do it. But that didn’t cause the DID, it was just one more thing. Another thing is after so many life altering traumas then the smaller things seem so much bigger and we run away inside. And even in adult life when something bad happens we cant get through them like normal people. Sometimes we have no reaction at all – it gets split off and shoved away, and sometimes we are wiped out for weeks/months/years.
Great podcast. You do good work. Thank you for talking with him. And always, thank you for sharing it with us. 💖
Thanks for such an interesting comment, KenKen! You explained things better than I did!! Well done. 🙂
I just cringed with your example of how your parents taught you how to stop sucking your thumb, omg. Where do people come up with such cruel ideas?? That would certainly terrorize ANYONE!! So sorry about that…. yeeeeeeesh.
And yes, you have described lots about living both a vivid internal life simultaneously with your external outside life. It would feel “cray cray” without understanding what’s happening, and probably even WHILE understanding what’s happening, but I still insist that you are a million miles from any actual craziness. You are far too grounded in the reality of what has happened. Those horrible things that happened are what’s crazy, that’s what I think!
Hey! “Talking Through” is a wonderful thing! I have things to say to those insiders back there, lol, and I’m quite sure they have things to say to me too! Not everyone can be out in body at the same time (well… it gets really confusing when folks try that), so acknowledging the others who are waiting inside is an important sign of respect. Plus, it’s essential to show them that you know they are there, listening, and it helps to acknowledge their importance in the system too. Remember, everyone holds their own piece of chocolate, and they all matter!
And oooooh, then you’ve asked a tough question. Where is the line for “that trauma is bad enough to dissociate” place? I don’t know if I can answer that, because as I think about it, how can there be one answer? Obviously, younger children can be frightened and traumatized quite easily. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take much to overwhelm or overpower a child. So any time the situation is horrible enough that the child desperately needs to leave and yet can’t physically leave the situation, that’s when it’s bad enough to need to dissociate.
Obviously, once the a person has learned the skill of dissociating, it becomes easier and easier to do it again. AND… even as an adult, the sheer awareness of “step 1” in the sequence of a traumatic event can trigger parts to leave. There may be 10 more steps in the process, but as an adult, recognizing step 2 or 3 can certainly set off well-learned patterns of dissociation. In that sense, it’s almost like a PTSD reaction to something, and yes… it can take weeks/months/years to work through it all again. I agree.
Glad you listened to the podcast, KenKen, and super glad you wrote all this good stuff in response. I can see you are well on your way to healthy healing!
Oh, and of course Joe Joe wants to be a rock star. What else can I say, lol.
Warmly,
Kathy
We 💖 you KBear!
🐶🐱🐈🌼🌺
Hi KenKen and Kathy,
So wonderful to hear your voice here KenKen. You have been missed. You always have such raw insight and honesty in your postings. Thank you for sharing you!
I agree that my DID life was not framed a single incidence of abuse but a whole grab bag of hurts, physical pain, abandonment, neglect, psychological/physical/sexual abuse, etc. Oh my … I am having a very difficult time just trying to write this. Lots of switching, strange typing and chaotic thoughts going through my head. Trying to focus – something that is difficult for me right now. I am having dizzy spells after my eye surgery and I am not sure if it is a consequence of having that done or my insiders acting out. One insider, in particular, plays havoc with my eyesight!
Your example of sucking your thumb brought to mind my own thwarted self-soothing. I carried a full-sized pillow around with me that my mother hated (because I would not allow it to be washed so I was told repeatedly as an adult –unsolicited I might add). One day my mother had my father take my pillow out into the back yard and burn it. It was an embarrassment to her as so much of me was to them (the parents). Strange how themes show up in one’s abuse history because my main sexual abuser threatened to put me in the coal furnace and burn me up if I talked. I knew what that meant and how painful that would be in the sense of loss. What really hurt was that he said that no one would care that I was gone or even come looking for me. At four years old, I already felt so abandoned and unloved that I felt that that would be true. That fact hurt more than the threat of being burned up.
Themes from my early abuse seem to get replayed over and over again during my life. It feels like it becomes an unstoppable part of my reality. As an adult, I can rationalize a lot of what has happened to me later in life as coincidence yet I live in perpetual fear of being burned up, drowning, and abandoned. My laser surgery last week was a good example of triggering into having to sit quietly and accept the pain if you want to be able to go home. I was 3 ½ years old all over again accepting my punishment to prove that I am strong enough to be worthy of being taken home (i.e., not abandoned).
I really want to emphasize here too what Kathy has said: “So any time the situation is horrible enough that the child desperately needs to leave and yet can’t physically leave the situation, that’s when it’s bad enough to need to dissociate.” When I was first diagnosed with DID I could not believe that what I had experienced was “bad enough” to have caused me to have DID. In part that was denial of the diagnosis and downplaying my childhood history but also because I did not have memory of everything that happened to me at that point. When I read about DID online, I kept seeing sexual abuse as the main cause for DID. I did not know about my sexual abuse then. But, I did know that the first insiders that I “met” were “born” during my first hospital experience at 3 ½ years old. The memories that first began to be told to me by my insiders were of the hospital, punishment, pain, abandonment and despair. I know for certain that four of my insiders were first created then and were with me during the following two hospitalizations. I had some memories but they hold much, much more as I have found out. By the time that I was sexually abused, I already had some of my insiders to dissociate me away.
The reason that I want to emphasize this point is that, some folks reading the website here may not fit the box of sexual or physical or psychological abuse. There can be other causes of DID. Anything that a child perceives as terrifying, threatening or impossible to understand/cope with and escape from can lead to DID especially when it is persistent and is not addressed in a comforting way by a caregiver. Even when there is overt sexual, physical and/or psychological abuse, there can be a whole bunch of contributing factors. It is a package deal and often that package has all kinds of differing elements.
Okay … just my take on this all.
ME+WE
11/13/18
I haven’t listened to the podcast yet because it’s hard to find time, but I’m really glad to have it waiting for me.
I’m with KenKen though… a lot of us feel like the abuse itself wasn’t the worst part. The worst part is that no one came for us, no one comforted us or helped us. That is what hurts us the most and that is what we we struggle with every day.
And also with the tricks and the games. Now I’m a parent and sometimes I feel sick with terror about the power I have over my toddler, who only understands the world through what I give him. I am obsessively careful about consent and not tricking him in even the smallest of ways unless he fully understands it is a game AND lets me know he wants to pretend. I want him to know that he can always be upset about things and I will never make him feel like that is silly or something to be ashamed of, even if the actual thug that upsets him doesn’t seem like a big deal to me. But still, sometimes it’s so triggering just to be the parent and to be so aware of what the implications to what my parents did and said.
Hi HazelE
So well said. I am having great difficulty coming to grips with the thought that no one saw (or cared to see), no one heard (or cared to hear) and no one came to help me (ever). I was abandoned in the hospital and then again at the hands of abusers and then again at the rejection of my parents because of my weight gain (at four years old!). My main abuser threated to burn me up if I talked and then said that no one would care, no one would even come looking for me. That is what hurt the most because, in my heart, I felt that that was true. I could have survived any amount of pain, abuse and physical/mental torture if someone had been there to help me. Abandonment is the cruelest part of what happened to us. It is also the hardest thing for me to overcome now – believing that there are people in my life now who care – and to trust that it is true.
ME+WE
11/16/18
Dear Kathy,
I found a quiet moment today to listen to the podcast interview and I am so happy that I did. You have such a genuine, down-to-earth and clear approach to discussing a very complex topic. You make difficult information sound so reasonable and understandable. I especially loved your chocolate bar analogy. My little ones listened with great enthusiasm and giggled at the notion that we are all chocolate (although my insider Squirrel added ice cream too!). Thank you for that!
Your interview was very informative – yes – but it also touched my heart to hear you speak these words. When I hear your cheerful voice telling the interviewer (the world) that DID is real, that we are not crazy and that we have DID for a very good reason – well, it just washes over me with the wisdom of truth and helps me to know that I am okay. Your interview was an offering of your vast knowledge but it was also a gift of gentle affirmation that my mind, heart and soul needed to hear.
Oh … and Joe Joe was a lovely human (dog) touch to a serious topic. He sure had some important things to say!
With warm regard and gratitude,
ME+WE
11/12/18
Thank you so much Kathy! I thoroughly enjoyed having you on the podcast and can’t wait to bring you back in 2019 for another show. Your insight, keen use of humor, and genuine approach to shedding light on a topic that so many see as fearful and shaming, is helping to erase the stigma and empower us all to reach out for help and not be ashamed.
Say thank you Matt for having Kathy on the podcast. We will look forward to future conversations between you two in 2019. Your questions cut right to the core of DID and I really appreciated that. It brought out important information and understanding. Can’t wait to hear what questions you “spring on” Kathy in the future! ☺
With warm regard,
ME+WE
11/12/18
Matt
You did a great job at interviewing her . You did not cut her off you listened and responded with a careful ear
KATHY
I GUESS THE QUESTION OR MIND BOGGLING ISSIE IS THIS BODY HAS A TWIN BROTHER AND SHOW NO SIGNS OF THE SAME SPLITTING ISSUES?
WHAT A AMAZING
INTERVIEW. WE ARE THE SUM OF ONE.
YOU EXPLANATION OF THAT WAS INTELLIGENT. TO EXPLAIN IT IN SUCH SIMPLE TERMS SO EVEN THE YOUNGEST LISTENER COULD UNDERSTAND WAS JUST BRILLIANT.
I ALREADY HEAR NOISE COMING FROM OUR FRIEND JESSIE. STATING IF WE ARE ALL THE BIRTHDAY LORI. THEN WE DONT NEED SOMEONE INCHARGE. WE GET TO DO WHAT WE WANT.
SO MASYBE WHEN YOU ARE DISCUSSING THAT YOU MIGHT WANT TO ADD IN HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO HAVE RULES AND GUIDELINES FOR THE SYSTEM. (SHE LOVES THOSE LOPHOLES ) BABY IS ALL HAPPY. SHE THINKS SHE A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE NOW. BOTH OF THEM LOVED HEARING JOE JOE BARKING.
IT WAS A FUN AND INFORMATIVE PODCAST. IF I WAS TO GIVE YOU ONE HELFUL TIP. TOWARDS THE END YOU SPEACH WAS FAST.TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND DONT FEEL RUSHED. I THINK THAT IS WHAT HAPPEN. AS ALWAYS I ENJOY YOU KNOWLEDGE AND YOUR DEDICATION TO ALL OF US IN D.I. D LAND
THE QUESTION I…. SO IF YOU HAD THE MOST EXTREME ABUSE YOU MIT NOT OF SPLIT IF YOU HAD A LOVING PERSON TO RECUSE YOU EACH TIME ? SO ARE YOU SAY IN YOUR EXPERIENCE , THE COMMON TREAD IS A NONE LOVING CARETAKERS. AND THE AMOUNT OF TIMES IT HAPPENED. THAT MAKES US DIFFERENT FROM OTHER SEXUAL ABUSED CHILDREN? DO CHILDREN SPILT WITH JUST PHYSICAL AND VERBAL ABUSE WITH NO SEXUAL ABUSE HISTORY? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA IF ONE CHILD HAS THIS HISTOR… WHY OTHER SIBLINGS DONOT? IS IT BECAUSE THIS BODY IS A GIRL AMD THERE NOT? THSR SRE JUST A FEW Questions. THAT I WOULD LIKE ANSWERS FOR IN A POSTCAST OR NOT
THANK YOU
Hi Lori2 —
Thank you for listening to the podcast! I appreciate that!
And I KNEW you all would be happy to hear ol’ Joe Joe being all barky barky in the background, lol. Thank goodness he waited till closer to the end. I think his patience had just worn thin. And speaking of patience being worn thin, my girl dog, Pinky, just came here, nudged my hand, and this giant long wonderful response I had typed to you got wiped away. ARGH! So now I’m re-writing it, and hopefully I’ll remember all the things I wrote the first time. Pinky was reminding me it was her treat time, and I was late! So you know… I guess she doesn’t want that ol’ Joe Joe getting all the attention around here, lol.
Anyway… what I was saying….
hi hi hi hi to Baby, and of course, Baby can be a piece of chocolate! 🙂
And hi to Jessie, but hey now, Jessie! That’s not exactly what I was saying! Of course rules and guidelines are necessary — just like they are necessary for all teams to have a captain or a leader or a person who makes the final decision. DID systems are the same as other teams, and yes, yes, yes, having healthy rules and helpful guidelines are definitely important. ALL of you in the system are important, but even with that being true, having a leader and following rules are still necessary for all kinds of reasons.
Thanks for your helpful tip. I do tend to speak faster than I realize (I’ve learned that by listening to these podcasts, lol), and especially when I’m feeling a bit anxious like I was when recording this one. I need to just slow down, stop stressing, and just chatter away about all this good stuff, right?!
Okay — now for your questions.
Oh, yes, people can split just from the abuse they experience. Lots of abuse, especially extreme abuse, can be horrifically painful, and scary, and terrifying, and gruesome, and the traumatic experience itself can create the need for someone to dissociate and split apart into other selves. Leaving the body due to extreme pain makes a lot of sense.
When there is no comfort person around to help or to protect or to END the abuse, the child has to manage horrible conflicting, painful, and confusing information on their own. And they typically have to pretend they are okay (even when they aren’t), so there is more and more need to hide the abusive info from others and themselves as well. It makes a horrible situation a billion times worse.
When there IS someone who can step in, someone who can protect the child from further hurt, and comfort them shortly after the incident, that changes the way the whole incident ends. The child does not have to carry a secret, they are believed, they get to talk about what happened, they get to get appropriate medical care, they get support, they get encouraged, they are taught that the perpetrator was in the wrong, and the child is not blamed. Even after a terrible abusive event, the whole experience has a different meaning. The child does not have to create amnesiac barriers, and they don’t have to hide the information from themself. They can get appropriate help, and the whole mess doesn’t get as messy. There is less need to hold on to dissociative walls as the experience can move straight into the healing process.
It’s about being comforted, yes, but also about being protected and REMOVED from the danger so the risk of there being so many repeated incidents is lessened. After all — safety is critical!
Yes, absolutely, children can split with physical abuse / verbal abuse. There does not have to be sexual abuse for dissociation to occur.
Boys get abused lots and lots too — not just girls. Having a boy body does not prevent child abuse. Not at all.
There are lots of children who are the only child in the family who has to endure serious abuse. This can be for a variety of reasons, and would vary from family to family. It depends on the family dynamics why that child is being scapegoated, how invested the family is in organized perpetrator groups, what stress the family is going through at the time, what the parents are doing (or not doing) at that time, etc. It’s never okay for any child to be selected for abuse, and being the ONLY abused child is particularly difficult, and lonely, and isolating.
There’s always more to say, but I’m gonna post this now before I lose it, lol. I don’t wanna type this three times! Thanks for such good questions, and I hope my answers were helpful.
Warmly,
Kathy
you did a really great job kathy as always. 👩🏼💻
we always like hearing more about all the things you know.
Thank you, pilgrim.
I can always count on you to read the articles, watch the videos, and now to listen to the podcasts! I most definitely appreciate your interest, and your kind support. You’re awesome!
Warmly,
Kathy
membr wehn it usd to be oliver and emma makeing all the nois in the back grond wehn you did be on the radeo? now it be joe and pinky
Oh yes, for sure. Ol’ Emma and Oliver were very very noisy!! And who knew two little pugs could create such weird and bizarre sounds, lol! Are they noisy on the Train story? I think maybe so.
But yes… I’m nearly always and forever surrounded by a handful of animals, and of course, they all have things to say. I feel a bit like that guy Steve Carell in the movie Evan Almighty, lol.
I am sorry, I’m not sure why I cant find where to write a message to kathy message.
Also I see comment but cant. Tonight is hard, I feel good and learning alot. I just found out Friday who I am. And learning things making it hard to say it right.
Please hear me I have so much to say. First I cant believe what I’m writing, but it explains me so much. And more and more. I was unaware of the splits completely.
Making excuses for everything. But people around me tell me I’m a certain way that I in no way would be. I have a great bf whom after 5 years is still fighting to save us. He maybe crazy too, for staying. No I’m kidding. But hes my bf so long because so unsure to marry me. I dont blame him.
Also I am so grateful that I’m home in this blog. I tried wrighting heartfelt long life struggles in a group. Little understood some were so so mean.
Then 3 times they deleted thread but wont tell me why. I just want them to show me what was wrong. I tried so hard not to mess up and say what I needed. And it’s just gone. I’m upset should I block them.
Why can they talk about stupid stuff like clothes. But I cant about my daughter who was stolen by her father for 6 years. Shes home and doing so great. She knows I’m different but think I’m awesome and never wants to leave my side. However 18 comes I’ll pay her rent to move out…I’m kidding again I promise
I try so hard to be nice, but of i lose a friend or burn a bridge
I dont just burn a bridge i pour gas and watch it burn
Just so they dont come back.
Hmmm avoidance i think it is. Is it ok to post alot on here.
Sometimes i am so smart other times i have so much trouble saying a word. But know i say it right in my head. I swear i took screen shots of things from this blog and they aren’t there now. What’s yhrte is way different. I’m not sure what happened. Well normally I wouldn’t but I guess I’m figuring out.
I’ve always known I had big problems but hypersensitive to others and can relate to anyone. I guess I know why, it’s because splits are taking over. Like sometimes I’ll talk to someone fly with an accent then I get it. Sometimes I am do confident other times I cant leave my house. Or wake up. Or remember I havent showered. Get bruises i cant explain . Watch movies like I’ve never seen it. Oh yes I started having seizures lasting long time. My boyfriend holds me so hard. Am I worse off then most ppl with did.
I also have tics I cant control things coming out of my mouth but know I’m saying them, even being unable to breath once. My bf told me to hold my breath because sounded like it was coming from my diagram. It was fine until I tried to breath I just couldn’t. I was terrified. I think I almost died. During those seizures were all of my Alters fighting to be me. Or come out . Maybe all came forward and it was alot. Alot. The more I go the worse I’m starting to feel. So I’m done now. Tell me what to do next I’m begging you. Can u plz repost this where it was support to go. I’m sorry I didnt read what you said. But I will. I just didnt want to forget.