YES, it is finally here!
TODAY! 28 August 2020.
We have the P4 DID Conference Art & TALENT Meet n’ Greet! TODAY! 6 – 9 pm, PHOENIX TIME (MST)
Are you as excited as me?
The amount of talent that we have received from both dissociative trauma survivors and trauma therapists is truly awe-inspiring. We will be showing various formats of the art pieces throughout the P4 DID Conference weekend.
Here are just a few…..
If you are coming to the LIVE EVENT,
please remember the location of the ART & TALENT Meet and Greet has changed.
TODAY’S LOCATION for the LIVE EVENT:
Friday, 28 August 2020
Meet’n Greet Art & Talent
6-9 pm, Phoenix AZ time (MST)
Metro NBI Clinic
70 N. McClintock Drive, Suite 4
Chandler AZ 85226
Registration is STILL OPEN if you have a last minute MUST COME decision.
Because, YES! Of course, you must come! Why would you want to miss out?
Click HERE for to Register.
And a massive heartfelt THANK YOU for our P4 DID Sponsors:
And Shaylin Janelle Photography
I’m looking forward to seeing you all
at the P4 DID Conference!
Copyright © 2008-2020 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
KenKen to Kathy Broady says
We wanted to be a part of your Zoom call for art talking, Kathy! I’m sorry we missed it. I dont have a microphone set up with my old old computer. I hope to catch the video you made of it. And I hope y’all had fun. (plus, really, I hope I get to hear what yous think of our art we sent in). Big hugs. KenKen
Well, I was wondering how the conference went? I sort of thought there would be a post about how it went really well, and I would get to read the top points of it. Oh well.
I think maybe I should have tried to go, even though things have been tight, sounds like it was maybe pretty great.
Hope there will be a new blog post at some point.
I made a new artwork, I was hoping I could share it. I was channeling some darker things in this. hopefully that is okay. it is a ‘jungle,’ of being lost and tangled. it is also getting in touch with the darker aspects a bit, as I have been feeling a lot of anger and other difficult emotions lately.
Okay. Take care everyone! Miss you all.
Hello SV! We have been hoping to hear some stuff, too! We looked at your artwork link – we get the “lost and tangled” feeling…and get the “darker aspects”….we have been in a rough patch lately, too….lot of anger bubbling that we have to push down…..Hope things are going better for you….
Finally….finally….I can breathe….something as simple as a bit of feedback can help calm so much of the Internal chaos……”brain” can’t convince Insiders we are alright….
Why won’t they listen to “brain”???…..Maybe because “safety” depends SO much on input from the Outside…facial expressions, tone of voice, body language…..Insiders think “brain” is trying to tell them they don’t see what they DO see…..”brain” minimizes or disregards all that they feel….”brain” tells them that they see “wrong” – that they “feel” wrong – and then the conflict snowballs big time….AGAIN they are not being “heard” and this time it is from their own “body”…..”brain” says to ignore it all….but they CANNOT – not until THEY can SEE that they are OK – that they are “safe”…..but it has to be by THEIR standards – NOT “brain’s”……(We don’t know if that is “good” or “bad”….if it “needs” to change….or HOW to get that change to come….. probably another step in the journey)……..
A busy night – AGAIN – but THIS time a staff member responded to a note we had left – apologizing for something we had done – thrown away her apple because we were afraid chemical had gotten on it….we signed the note as “the cleaner”……She saw us and in passing said, “Don’t ever say just “the cleaner”! You are the “cleaning goddess”! Our room always looks great and you always put everything back in order!”…..(Wish we could do that for US!!!)……..
Inside went into “good” shock even as our body kept working…..We are not a “goddess” person – but we saw it was meant as a compliment…..we saw Insiders looking at each other – discussing what had been said….Were “we” REALLY OK?…..We watched them process all the input from every angle – the body language, tone of voice, facial expressions – everything….Yes – it seemed real…..MAYBE we ARE OK…..We did OK….she is not mad at us…..there are no consequences looming…..We are safe for a bit…..
Inside tension lessened….We haven’t felt that for weeks and weeks…..We almost cried – but were too busy because we are still in massive time crunch……Yes – there are still LOTS of unanswered questions – but for one “group” – we can “breathe” for a little while….Is this “breather” going to last forever?….Not by a long shot…we have been through this too many times before….another “group”….another situation….but for now – “we” can breathe……
All we needed was “feedback” once in a while….. Does that make us “needy”?…. Outsiders think so….If only they could see ALL that we are – maybe they wouldn’t judge us so harshly….We are not “searching” for “compliments”….even a LITTLE – too much – or too often – causes us to run from it – to not trust it – it makes us VERY angry…..
We need just enough – when “we” need it – to be “OK”…..go figure…..
Well – after reading about people’s search for and hope for jobs – I feel like a heel….I have one and keep “complaining” about it…..Why can’t I go “numb” enough to NOT feel the triggers…to NOT see the conflict in expectations that are so hard on me….to NOT feel so trapped and voiceless???……..
I AM grateful to have a job…so why does each day feel so much like “survival mode” for me?…..Another “conflict” that I don’t know what to do with….Everybody – please just bear with me….give me “grace” while I try to work my way through this mess……..
Parts wouldn’t leave it alone – wanted to know what “diatribe” meant….we didn’t know – so we looked it up…..ugh….wish we hadn’t……
How can Outsiders take everything SO wrong – we try to explain and we just watch it bounce off their ears……how do we handle such a Catch-22?……We try to make ourselves be OK with it all and be OK with being silent – but the Inside pressure just keeps building….(There is SO much to do in a whole building – he gave us a detailed list – yet we HAVE to take ALL our breaks AND get out on time…. It causes “failure to obey” conflict in SO many directions – wreaking Internal havoc)….Boss says we are a “great employee” – but also blames our “failure to obey” on our NOT being efficient…..What does THAT even mean?…How can you be “great” and “pathetic” at the same time? It makes our brain HURT and we want to just fall into the floor – we cannot figure out how to process that…….
Boss talks to us like we hound him and complain all the time – but we shut down on him a LONG time ago and have said little more than “OK” to him because we don’t trust him anymore….He says we are TOO much of a perfectionist – but he expects perfection in all areas of our work…..we are at a loss…….
But now Boss is getting scared we might “talk” to him because it’s evaluation time….Boss is nipping it in the bud before there even IS a bud….We don’t intend for there to even BE a “bud”…..It is ticking Rage off….now we gotta try to distract him or put tape over HIS mouth…..
Breathe….breathe….breathe……(Sorry…gotta explode SOMEWHERE “safe” – just so much Internal fear, confusion, and conflict….sorry…gotta find that “lid” again……)
So glad to see y’all back again! T is away teaching somewhere and I am facing ANOTHER evaluation at work….it always causes Internal “chaos” and is hard on us – parts are SO afraid of the consequences of “failure to obey”…..very triggering and boss doesn’t want me in that direction at AT ALL…..he “helped” me out by printing out a rubric of “goals” and told me to just put a check mark next to the ones that applied to me because he “didn’t want a long diatribe about it all”……..
Parts had NO idea what to do about THAT….it felt very humiliating for us…”brain” kinda understood and we are TRYING to be OK with it….but parts once again felt like they had no “voice” and Rage was at the side very NOT happy…we are trying to stay “numb” but things are swirling Inside…….
Boss says that we are the most “self-aware” person he has ever known…..(he has NO clue HOW aware we are!!!)……..We will get through this….just breathe….breathe….breathe….. 🙂
*If this is too triggering – please do not post this…..just gotta get stuff out somewhere……*
It has been so quiet here and we are doing our best to “tread water” as we await the return of everybody!….But it is not easy….Our “brain” knows that everyone who got to attend is still “absorbing” all that they saw, heard and learned – and THAT takes time – and I am SO glad they DID get to attend!!….and we know there is a lot of “catching up” to do from other directions….
But treading water is not easy sometimes – especially when you start seeing “fins” circling in the distance….feeling “off-balance”, “agitated” somewhere deep Inside,…unsure what is going on or if it was because of something you did….it all starts building “pressure” Inside…..
I told my T this last session that I have slammed a lid down on Inside to keep from being overwhelmed with work and the rest of life……but it reminds me of when I was growing up and we had steamed crabs….I LOVE to eat steamed crabs – but absolutely HATED the process that made them edible….. Daddy would have to clothes-spin the lid down to keep the crabs from escaping as they were cooking…..it was agony until they stopped fighting….stopped moving…..
That is what I am afraid I am doing to my Insiders….trying to keep functioning in my Outside job – I have had to put a lid on because I CANNOT bottom out now….I told my T that while trying to keep from “EX-ploding” I may have set myself up for “IM-ploding”……I get so scared that one of these days I won’t hear anything from the parts – or feel their movement anymore…..that they will all have “died” – just like those crabs……
Just feeling “lost”, “scared”, “overwhelmed”…..don’t mean to be the “downer-side” to an amazing conference…..just don’t forget us who didn’t get to go…….
Deborah Jones says
Wish we could have been there. Impossible! We have a lot of artwork. Sorry we could not be there.