Addressing the Impact of Change
While DDCF Forum is Moving and Improving
It’s an exciting week for DDCF — the Discussing Dissociation Community Forum. Our DID Forum community has grown and strengthened and developed to the point that we need – deserve – earned! a more expansive Forum Home, and this week is migration week. I call it “Migration Week” because this week, we are moving our Forum and all of its 20,000+ posts and 1000 topics to a shiny new Forum platform. This is a big big change, but this move will improve the functionality and features of our Forum, making DDCF better for everyone.
What?! We’re changing Forum platforms already?
Yes, because our first forum was meant to be simple, easy, and not too complicated.
However, sometimes simple is just TOO simple.
And when simple is too simple, it gets irritating.
But change is change, and that’s not simple at all.
How about a Car Metaphor to Explain
Have you ever driven or ridden in a fancy new car with all the 2018 / 2019 features? Vehicles nowadays can do a million fancy things. Automatic this, automatic that, super duper fancy. I mean, wow. Soon a car will be able to fly, I’m sure.
Think about driving one of the more recent car models with all the bells and whistles. Snazzy, hey? Vehicles can get very elaborate with their options. There is a lot to learn if you are going to use all those fantastic features, and it can feel a bit overwhelming and complicated to figure out how to do all that high-tech snazzy-jazzy stuff, but yeah, wow, to all that fancy stuff.
Then think about driving a simple car — a car without power windows, without navigation, without bluetooth connection for your phone, without that reverse camera, without air conditioning, without automatic transmission, without a dozen buttons for this and that, and this and that, and this and that over there too.
With a simple car, you can just get in and drive — there’s not much more to do than that. It’s pretty straight forward, and not very confusing, right? Should be simple and easy, right?
Or is that right?
Seems that could be right.
Seems a simple car could be so much easier than a car with all those fancy gadgets.
Or wait. It might not be right.
Because…… when you do wanna do something a little more involved than the simple act of driving, all of a sudden, that “simple car” feels like a lot more work. It turns out that nowadays, we do a lot more than just driving forward in our cars! At this point, a simple car can feel more limiting. Or it can feel irritating or frustrating because the options to do more complex tasks are just not available.
Now you have to reach all the way over to the other side of the car and over the seat to roll that back window up. And you can’t do that while you’re driving, so you have to pull over and stop. You might even have to get out of the front seat, walk around the car, go to the back door and then roll up the window from there. Argh. All that becomes a lot of extra effort for what *should be* a simple task of closing a window.
In this situation, it would have been great to have an automatic window button sitting right there near the driver’s seat. One click on a button and 10 seconds later, mission accomplished.
This is car metaphor describes what happened with our first forum platform.
We made the mistake of thinking “simple” would be easier, less confusing, more straightforward, when in fact, simple was a lot harder in the end.
Many of us have been frustrated with this simplicity. We wanted to do more on the site and have more ways to use a forum and improve the overall forum experience. We wanted a few more bells and whistles, more features, more options, more creative possibilities.
Staying in a simple forum no longer felt simple.
Staying in a simple forum felt like we were limiting ourselves and not reaching our potential.
Laura, the Tech Gal, and myself went one the hunt for a new forum platform. DDCF has a variety of requirements, especially for safety and security, but eventually we were able to find a new forum platform that looked like a good match.
It’s taken a while for us to set up this new forum, to add features, to design it to fit our DDCF Community. I’m sure we’ll need to make more adjustments later, but even so, it’s in pretty good shape now, and it’s ready for us. Yay!
Yes, our new Forum Home has been built and we are good to go!
I’m happy to announce that DDCF is in the process
— right now at this very moment —
of moving to a more complex but more user-friendly forum.
We are migrating!
(This is where your little ones get to pretend like they are Canadian Geese flying or humpback whales swimming and migrating across long distances, lol).
Yes, in just a few more days, the DDCF forum platform will be MUCH better, and MUCH improved, and MUCH more user-friendly.
It’s exciting, and both Laura and I are really looking forward to it.
But Moving Means CHANGE
Now… there are still more layers to this situation.
The flip-side of moving to somewhere else means we now have to leave what is familiar. We have to go to somewhere new. We have to figure out what that new place looks like and gosh! We have to leave what we know and the unknown can feel scary, and unsafe.
And as many troubles and complications as we have had in our TOO simple forum structure, it still feels a little sad and scary for the move to take place.
Would you be scared to move to a new forum?
Do you have the courage to leave any place that feels familiar, even if a better place is available?
Having anxiety about change parallels the lives of many dissociative trauma survivors.
Leaving a familiar place, or a familiar setting, or a familiar relationship, even if it was not so okay, is often difficult and painful and scary. Even if it’s a great idea to leave, it’s difficult to do.
I’m sure every dissociative trauma survivor can relate to that feeling!
Not all change is bad. Even though it feels stressful, some changes are genuinely for the good.
I want to encourage and reassure you that in this situation, the move to a new Forum Home is going to be worth it. It will be better. It will be easier. Yes, it will feel new and different for the first little bit, but sit with it, take the time to look around, breathe and calm your inner selves, because soon, the new place will feel all safe and snuggly again.
DID System Work about Changes
Living life as a DID System means that lots of different people inside will feel the impact of any change, even “good change”.
For DID systems, be sure to talk lots and lots to your inside people and let your parts know what change is coming and what to expect. You might have to have the same conversation with various insiders. Ask one group to share with the next group, and the next, and pass the new information around inside to as many folks as possible.
Share as much helpful information as you know, and answer the questions they ask you. Be gentle and patient with each other.
Be sure to listen to their concerns and fears, and provide reassurance and comfort to those who are worried. Your young child parts may have a lot of extra concerns and big scary feelings. Tend to them gently, with kindness, and reassurance.
Don’t assume everyone inside will automatically know about external changes — some parts don’t look “outside” very much, and while they may feel the anxiety and fears others feel, they may not know the cause of the emotional turmoil. The more insiders you can fill in, the better.
Let your insiders peek out to see what’s happening in the outside world where the change is occurring. Encourage them to see for themselves, and to look with their outside eyes, even if for just a few minutes. Let them learn to assess situations for themselves.
The more you practice internal communication, and talk with your folks about outside life, the more your insiders are going to feel connected to and involved in the realities of your outside life. Helping more of your internal system connect to the here-and-now is an important part of your healing.
For places such as DDCF — a place created FOR your whole DID system — it’s important to communicate changes with as many folks in your system as possible. Allowing your insiders to be part of the process — especially when the changes will have a direct intact on them — will help those changes not feel so scary and unpredictable.
Help each other stay grounded and to not get lost in whatever triggers, or PTSD responses, or bad memories that surface during the transition to the new place of safety.
Be there for each other!
Morals of the Story
Sometimes, it’s okay to start simple, and see how it goes.
Then, when it’s time to push forward, have the courage to do that.
Stick with your values and principles and find solutions that match what you believe in.
Be willing to bring more positive goodness in your life, in whatever form that takes.
When you find a few other good people, like-minded people, who are on your same path, stay close with them, and be a supportive resource for each other.
Have the courage, freedom, willingness to try new things! Explore opportunities and experiences in life.
No matter what changes you face in life, be sure to use good internal communication to share information with your internal team.
When you’re dissociative, use your everyday life experiences to help further your growth and healing with your system. Practice good self care and excellent internal communication to make any transition easier.
See you in the new Forum Home soon!
I hope these ideas help.
I’m looking forward to announcing the opening of our new Forum Home, but for now, keep letting your kids play Duck-Duck-Goose and swim like migrating whales!
Have a little fun while you’re stressed. It’s good to smile.
Please stay close while we make this migration together!
Click HERE for more information about joining our DDCF group.
Copyright © 2008-2019 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation