October is a particularly heavy month for most dissociative trauma survivors. It’s the changing of the seasons, and the time when darker sides of many DID systems surface. October is when many of the darker insiders have had trauma memories, and it’s typically a month when many dissociative survivors feel heightened PTSD symptoms, fear, and anxiety. It’s a month filled with significant dates for anyone with a Ritual Abuse trauma history. This makes October an excellent time for working with your Dark Side Insiders from your dissociative system.
While working with these parts is crucial for your healing, this level of DID system work can also feel difficult, overwhelming, scary…. because it is. At the same time, in October, while those darker parts of your system are more reachable, this is a time when you can make significant growth and change as well.
So with all that in mind, I was going about doing my Consultation work this month…..
And then I got this email from KenKens:
I know yous sooo busy, but I just read this thread of emails and thought that so many others could benefit from what u told us. Especially this time of year knowing it’s coming, it’s already here, what u said about being smart and not waiting. The NO people, Safety box, just everything. Preemptive measures. If u have the time and energy, u could write this up as an article to help bunches of ppl. Include your physical aftershock feelings wanting to avoid coffee grinder noise, cuz peeps can understand triggers. And the grouchy bear and everything. And powering through. Yep. You rock!
That was a surprise.
As you can see, our KenKen has volunteered to show and share another example of working with Dark Side insiders, and she hopes that you will find this information helpful for your own October DID system work as well.
Working with your dark insiders is not a quick process, but their healing has to start somewhere.
It is essential to move all your system parts from darkness to light.
And as we all know, DID system dark insiders are often full of trauma memories. They are often in great pain, struggling, fearful, wounded, upset, angry, etc.
SO…. in this situation, scooting back to where our conversation began…..
— Note: trigger warning for heavy duty emotional stuff —
everything feels so bad everything hurts i want to die i want to go away i want to scream and kill people and destroy everything and burn and die i want it to go away i want to die i want out i want to not hurt and not think and not feel and be numb and sleep forever and never wake up i hate this world i hate everyone in it why do people who say they have the same problems as us always shun us when we start talking about what happened. that always happens im angry im mad mad mad. its not fair. i want to hurt people. i want to jump out of the car when its going really fast i want to hang this stupid body and never see it again i want to destroy the world i want to hate everybody i want them to die i want to kill everybody i want out out out i want my mom. i want her to tell me to shut up and hit me and make me forget and make me behave everything is wrong bad wrong upside down i hate this world i hate it
Oh my goodness…. someone was feeling really really rough, hey??
The NO people…WE LOVE THAT! Thanks for the idea too. Working on all of it, I promise. And love the idea of memories going into Safe-keeping so we dont get flooded. We are gonna work on that too! So sorry we been so crazy lately. Seems like we never have anything pleasant or light to say anymore on DD. I hope that doesn’t make anyone not want to be around there. We so much appreciate you KATHYBEAR. Everything you have done for us, gone outta your way to do for us. We dont deserve it but we are absolutely 100% grateful. And we will work on these suggestions. PROMISE!Chain saw noise would set us off through the roof! and almost 8 hours non-stop?! I bet the internal tension and body tension was painful. Im glad its over for you now.KenKens
NO is for no more starvingNO is for no more darknessNO is for no more painNO is for no more obedience to bad peopleWe can shout out NO! Every time our boundaries are violated!We can shout out NO! And not be afraid.We have friends who will stand beside usWe have safe places to beWe can be the Neutral OnesWe wont follow either sideWe will watch and waitWe will make up our own minds what it means to be freeWe are having a problem with getting people to understand they wont disappear if they put their memories in a safe deposit box. I hope we can get this part figured out, cuz we sure could use that. If we can do that I think this month may go better than it has ever gone before. For now, we are broadcasting out into the darkness telling them they dont have to be stuck and frozen to where they are anymore. And we have teams going out on searches. We have an auditorium set up for temp housing and triage. This year we are gonna tear it all down; go get all of the rest of our systems out of the dark. We can see light starting to spread like early morning just before daybreak. I’m so excited to see the sun rise inside. We figure there will be backlash. But we have been dealing with that for years. Used to white-knuckle it through by sitting in our chair not daring to move but maybe this time around we can do more. We know how to say no to the suicidal urges and extreme demands. Its hard. It feels almost impossible. We already know it is actually possible cuz we’ve already done it many times. This time we can scream a great big collective shout NO MORE!
Yes. Your last email was so very very good. It made us understand and believe we are really going to be okay. No one disappear and even better than that… we are finding the light. This makes me cry happy.
For You, the Reader
- How can you apply what you have read to your own healing process?
- How do you relate to the struggles KenKens were having?
- How are you helping your own dark insiders this month?
- For that matter, how are you helping your dark side parts every month?
- Are your dark side parts willing to move over to the light side?
- Why or why not, and what would help facilitate that process?
Key Healing Elements for DID System Work
1. Your system belongs to you, and if you make the decision to not belong to dark worlds, then please don’t leave any of your internal system stuck in darkness either.
Be willing to move all your DID system parts from darkness to light.
Everyone gets to come with!
2. Every single everybody in your entire DID system deserves healing, comfort, compassion, understanding, warmth, clothing, food, protection, companionship, fun, safety, light, etc. — on the outside AND inside.
3. Your dark insiders helped you manage very difficult times in your life. They were split off to be present for traumatic situations that you could not escape from. Your dark insiders are not your enemy — it is not their fault they were exposed to the terrors or horrors that they saw. Remember who the abusers are, and don’t blame your insiders for being brave enough to manage the impossible.
4. Have the courage to talk to everyone in your system!
5. It’s okay to manage your healing process in small steps. The whole of everything doesn’t have to be tackled at one time, and in fact, it’s better to inch your way through, doing a little bit, then a little bit more, then a little bit more.
6. Reframe the strengths of your dark insiders in a way that feels strong, positive, helpful, and encouraging for you and for them. These dark parts have had to muster an incredible amount of strength to get through their trauma, so the more you can honor their abilities, the better.
7. Absolutely resist and refuse to comply with self-injury, self-destruction or suicidal thoughts, instructions, memories, or messages. You do not ever ever ever have to hurt yourself again. You and your insiders have been through far too much pain and trauma already, and now you are allowed to have comfort and safety without having to have new incidents of physical pain or torture.
As always, I wish ALL of you the very best in your healing journeys. May ALL your parts find their way from darkness to light.
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation