Here’s what all the buzz has been about.
It’s the official beginning of the DISCUSSING DISSOCIATION COMMUNITY FORUM!
There are many facets to building a solid, helpful forum. Laura and I have lots of ideas of our own, but we want to know what you think. To help with that, I have created a survey of 10 questions. Please sign up to share your opinion, and to get additional information about the forum as we build it. We want the Discussing Dissociation Community Forum to be as awesome as possible, of course! 😀
Share your opinion by clicking on this link:
FORUM: Early Bird Notification and Survey
If you think you might be interested in any way, please be sure to give your opinion, and share the link with any of your friends who might also be interested in a DID forum.
Let’s make this the very best online community forum possible!
UPDATE on FORUM NEWS!
The Discussing Dissociation Community Forum is OPEN !!
Our Community is now a wonderful, friendly, and supportive group.
This DID Forum is available 24/7.
This Forum is managed by a team of professionals.
Check it out, when you can.
Thank you for your interest, and for your consideration.
Whether you do, or do not join our forum community, I wish you the very best in your healing journey.
Copyright © 2008-2021 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
Oh you bring up an important point here MissyMing (big thanks BTW for all you have said here). I so get the waiting to me rescued theme of folks with Complex PTSD. I had a ritual at bedtime when I was little. I would beat up my stuffed animals and throw them to the bottom of the bed in an act of rejection and abandonment. I would sob until my chest and belly ached and then I would scoop them up and hug and kiss them and tell them that everything was going to be okay now. I have memories of this so I am thinking that I am the one who did this although I am sure that some of my little ones participated.
As I got older, I found out that no one was ever going to rescue me. So, I started to focus on one day it being my turn — as in, my turn to be happy and to have a life. This has been a HUGE theme in my adult life — always deferring to the needs of others and waiting for it to be my turn. Thing is, there is always someone there who does not mind stepping in to my turn. I am slowly getting it that standing back and waiting for someone to tap me on the shoulder and say, “it’s your turn now” is never going to happen. I have to learn to take a turn. Okay … that is a hard one for me to do!
Ugh….hard for ME, too….some kind of “gut-level” fear of taking such a step….maybe finding out you really AREN’T worthy of it?- (i.e – if you DON’T step – then you can STILL hang onto “hope”)….or – could be a fear of “consequences” for doing something like that?…..Gotta figure that one out….brain knows what it SHOULD be — but HOW does my “gut” get there????……
Wow… the conflicting emotions of your story about your stuffed animals were gut-wrenching to read…..the 180 degree perspectives are SO hard to get onto the “same page”…..HOW do we deal with such extreme opposites? Which is the REALLY correct one? – the life experience “reality” or the “longed for dream”?…..We know the intensity of BOTH…the only thing we know to DO is “bounce”….so hard, so hard……my heart still hurts for you……
I hear you dear MissyMing. I sincerely do. I really do want to think of this as taking sides — just presenting different perspectives as we always do here. My posting was intended to offer some ideas about the situation in a different light that I hoped would redirect some focus back to just using our space here to its fullest potential. I think that, in doing that, I may have sounded like I was not hearing your struggle, hurt, fears, and sense of abandonment in the wake of the cost of new forums and the decline in participation here at the DD blog. I apologize from the bottom (middle and top) of my heart MissyMing if that is how my message sounded to you. It is easy to sit on the other side and say not to worry about not being included when you’re not the one being excluded. And, please know that I was not, in any way, thinking that one perspective negates another or is more important than another or is more right than another. Oh my no. What you and Bethany have expressed here is important to me, respected by me, and heard by me. As I said, I wish that the situation was different and that I could do something to make it so.
So, let me refocus here because I want to comment on your concerns about writing too much here. From my perspective, that is not the case at all. Community requires leaders, folks that put themselves out there and keep things rolling. You are an important leader here MissyMing. This community needs your willingness to reach out to others and lend a helping hand and share your truth to help others find the courage to do the same. Please know that your contributions here are valued and appreciated.
So my dear friend MissyMing, I owe you a special apology. Last year I said that I would never abandon this space (the DD blog) and I specifically told you so. Yet, I let the pressures of my life do just that. Then, I went through that awful period of shame that kept me away from here because I was afraid to come back. To be honest with you, I did not know how my coming back here would be received. One of my biggest fears is being abandoned. It has driven my life and my sanity, Yet here I felt that I had abandoned this space and I was not certain how to deal with that (hum … a good topic thread for elsewhere). So, I want to deal with this issue head on and offer my sincere apology to the community here at DD and to you especially MissyMing.
Oh, my, Me+We! Thank you for what you said! One reason you (and others) here are so important to me is that I know you “hear” me and you “get” what I am saying – because sometimes I am still trying to figure out Just what it IS “I” am saying….I “process” as I throw it all out there and all of your feedback helps me to figure out where I am at and in what direction I am headed…:) !
Plus! Ya’ll make me feel a little less crazy! 🙂 I totally get the struggle with abandonment – it has so many threads, spirals, and rabbit trails to it – and trying to get through the maze of it can leave your head spinning….you feel the impact of it Inside – yet work so hard to hide it from the Outside…so you don’t look so “needy”….or “too sensitive”……
I just read an article on Complex PTSD that said a common symptom of it is that we tend to keep looking for a “rescuer”…..It totally threw me and now I am “picking apart” all my connections to Outsiders to see if that is what I am doing to them……NOT something I relish finding out if that IS what is happening….ugh…..amazing how “tangled up” life can get….I have like a thousand questions I “need” to ask them but know that I CANNOT…..
Not sure how your “coming back would be received”? Oh, my, Me+We…..I kept coming back here looking for you…..Yes – if you decided to never come back for whatever reason – that would be your right – but we still hoped…..Yup! We know the need for breathing space…and occasional changes of direction so our plates don’t spill everywhere…..
But we are glad you are back….never be ashamed for needing space to “re-organize” and take care of yourself!
BTW – I am totally lost now on where I should comment on what…..stuff just comes out wherever it hits me….I am a “world of rabbit trails”!! 🙂
Hello All. It has been quite some time since I have been here at the Discussing Dissociation blog. Yes, in part that is due to time constraints participating at DDCF. It also is that I took a break from that too this past summer/fall. Okay, in all honesty, I kind of had a melt down. I will save that for somewhere else. This is a big apology to all of you for not being here as much as I had promised. But, hey … I am back.
So, I come back to check in here today and thought to myself, “where do I start?”. Well, at the top of the recent posts lists seemed to be the place. Then I see my dear friend MissyMing’s name at the top of the list and I know that this is where I was meant to jump back in!
I hear your disappointment, confusion and frustration MissyMing and Bethany … I really do. Oh, and how I have been there not knowing where the next paycheck is going to come from. I spent the majority of my adult life on that treadmill. So please know that my heart goes out to you and I sincerely understand what it is like to be at the window of life looking in but not being able to pay the entry fee. I really do okay. And, I so sincerely wish that I could make that be different for you but I cannot.
Now, there is a fee for the DDCF and that means some folks cannot afford to be members. Oh … and it breaks my heart dear MissyMing when you say that you feel “left out” because I so adore you and would do anything that I could to have you not feel this way. But, I cannot change what is and … honestly … I feel that Kathy is quite reasonable in having established the fee that she has for the DDCF and now the DDEF.
Please hear me out and shout at me if you need to. That is okay. This is Kathy’s career and livelihood. In other words, I would not expect anyone to say that I should do my work for free or less than I make in income (although some may think that it is too much). I teach at a university and there are big fees that the students have to pay to participate in my courses. I know that a lot of folks cannot afford to pay the price of university courses and, therefore, do not have the opportunity for a university degree. As much as that makes me sad, I cannot change the fact that university courses cost money and some folks cannot afford to pay that price.
But, here is a huge difference between me and Kathy. I cannot put my knowledge out there on the Internet for those folks who cannot afford my courses to see … BUT … Kathy does. She created this blog over a decade ago and, out of her own generous heart, has paid for and supported with her own time and energy this space all of these years. And, what has she offered? Well over 400 articles on DID that are knowledgeable, insightful, hopeful and compassionate. The DD blog offered me the kind of information that I was desperate for when I first went searching for some understanding of my diagnosis. And, it has sustained me, challenged me and taught me ever since (and still does — we use the DD blog on DDCF and DDEF BTW). The DD blog website is, and will always be, my go-to lifeline on this journey with DID.
Oh, and the DID blog offered me a community by letting folks talk with one another about the issues that Kathy writes about here but also anything that we want to talk about. The thread — Our Normal Complicated Selves — Kathy gifted that to us several years ago (in response to a community member’s request) to give us a space where we could just talk about whatever was on our minds. You see, Kathy has already offered free community space for us here at DD. Because there is another forum as well does not take away from the fact that we can have a community here … for free!
So, okay, I hear the hurt and disappointment about DDCF being too expensive for some folks. But, let’s turn that energy around into making the DD blog an active place of compassion, learning and healing. The DD blog was the seed for the DDCF. In that seed is all that we need to grow some awesome community sharing here. If you can join the DDCF — great. If you cannot — use what wonderful, free resources that Kathy has offered us here to be a great community of caring, wisdom and sharing as well.
So, I am rededicating myself to this space as well. Kathy has given us so many incredible resources to work with here. Let’s not worry about what we do not have and make what we do have here as freak’in incredible as I have always felt it to be!
Good to hear from you again, Me+We! We have missed you. I appreciate all that you have said…as I said – I totally get BOTH sides of the situation….one perspective does not negate the validity and impact of the other perspective….we just are where we are in our circumstances…..
We keep coming back here because we DO know the importance of this free site even though we have noticed the significant drop in comments being made. We keep trying to reach out and have had to battle the wondering if we are monopolizing everything or if we are commenting TOO much and chasing everybody away…..we panic that we are doing wrong and try to stop…..but we still find ourselves back here commenting again – hoping someone is “out there” ……it is just one of those conflicting battles we have – “wanting” to be invisible….but desperate to know that we are NOT……so we “bounce” a lot……
We have learned a LOT from the articles and a LOT from others’ comments….but it is the comments that actually prove to us that we are NOT “alone” in our struggles….that there are others who walk in shoes similar to ours….who get our daily struggles, the conflicts and the bouncing…..
Yes….our financial circumstances have caused a lot of triggerings in some of us that we are having to plow through big time…but we know it is just part of our own unique journey AND part of the adjustments that DD is having to work through as well…..BOTH sides are valid… The pain, fear, and frustration of OUR side is real to us and part of our journey….and needs to be worked through just as freely and safely as any other direction…..That fear and pain can be GREATLY lessened as we – on this side – see that we are NOT “abandoned” here because of our financial circumstances….that there are STILL comments and STILL responses coming in…..Change often brings great swinging of the pendulum which takes time to settle….we just hang in there until it does…I am still hanging in there!
We SO appreciate you, Me+WE – and have missed all your insight and have gone back over comments….but “fresh” words are always good, too! We totally get “break-away” time and times of overwhelm….we have had our share of those, too…..
The changes happening at DD are a work in progress just as it is in our own selves….BOTH are valid…we just keep taking a step at a time…..AGAIN, Me+WE….it is good to hear from you!…..
Bethany looks right says
I am in agreement with the paid part. A small fee would be understandable to help with upkeep, but many years ago I ran a very large forum and chat room; and there were no costs to others and my upkeep cost were only around $20. A group to help support eachother is worrisome to me when it comes with a high price tag. I don’t know where many others are in their journey, but until 4 years ago, I was very successful and financial ok. Because of this disorder, I have lost everything. I read the comparison of it costing a cup of store bought coffee a day, I don’t buy it. Or a good meal a week, I don’t eat it. Trying to say the fee is equal to the expenses we use elsewhere is true IF we had that kind of extra money and hence were wasting it on unnecessary items. The almost $40 per month it is asking for is almost all of my $50 per month food budget (yes, sadly foods like Ramen noodles are the choices I have left). I REALLY need help becuase I am falling further apart, but if the only way to read other folks that might understand is to pay a cost that will cause me not to eat; it simply can’t be done. It is a VERY sad time when the cost is made at a price that those in real need are not allowed access. $5 or $10 would have brought money into the program to manage any upkeep needs, but since this does not include actual counseling, I don’t understand why the high fee to be a part of the forum. There are several free forums out there for mental health issues and they do have DID sections. Yes, I was hoping to have a better connection in a group focused on DID, but why would a group focused on it have to charge to talk to others when the other large groups do not? I don’tunderstand why the chance of help is only being allowed for those ritch enough to free almost $40 per month and the rest of us can just look at another form of confirmation regarding how useless we are and how we are NOT supposed to be helped.
Kathy Broady MSW says
I’m so sorry to hear that finances are so very very tight for you– I understand how difficult that situation is, I really do. The reason I have written and maintained this blog for 11+ years now is to provide an extensive level of FREE resources for dissociative trauma survivors and their loved ones. There are a variety of free resources here at Discussing Dissociation — everything from the 400+ articles, the YouYube videos, the eBook for 101+ Ways to See DID, the newsletters, etc. The DD readers here have also built a free support community of their own, thru’ ongoing comments to each other. That has slowed down since the forum opened, unfortunately, but there are still a number of readers here who also can’t afford forum membership either and still like to write back and forth to other DID survivors. I wish there were more options to solve the world problem of poverty! I do what I can for free, absolutely. However, of course, I cannot survive myself if the only options I provide are free.
It must be hard for people to understand the level of financial investment involved in creating a specialized DID Forum. For me, the DDCF / DDEF forums have already required thousands of dollars for development, maintenance, customization, staffing, upgrades, etc. Thousands, yes, with more expenses yet to come. That’s not even including the cost of my “time”. So…. yes, of course, in order to keep and maintain the sites as tightly managed and maintained and safe as they are, there has to be a cost for membership. That way, we all help pay for the resource — not just me. Because me by myself? I can’t do it.
Have you looked around in your local area for sponsorship?
Some forum members have been able to find a supportive church, or Therapy Center, or local non-profit organization to provide the forum membership payment.
You could also try a Go Fund Me or Crowd Support option. Look those sites up and explore those as fundraising options. A year’s membership at DDCF could easily be a reachable, and worthwhile goal on any of those sites.
All I know, is that I had to get creative myself, and scrape together the funds to build a fantastic service. I encourage you to do the same. You CAN be part of the forum, and you can get the help you need — give yourself permission to find a solution here. Think outside the box for what you can do to add a few dollars into your monthly income.
Can you walk dogs, or do some pet sitting, or house sitting, or babysitting, for example? Can you provide any other service to your local community where you can earn $40 a month in exchange for what you offer? Do you have any “old stuff” sitting around your house that you could sell?
There is a solution available for you.
You are not useless, and you can be helped. Look for a creative solution…. you can find one!
Thanks for the ideas, Kathy!….I get BOTH angles….the support needed for all the expenses of what you do…..AND the struggle with poverty situations and the despair that comes with knowing that you are “left out”….again……
I am sure you know that “exhaustion” – both physical AND mental – are VERY real in our situations and “overwhelm” is a battle that we are swimming in constantly – with dry land so far in the distance you don’t know if you are going to make it or not……
Yes….as far as “brain logic” goes – ALL of your ideas make PERFECT sense and we try so hard to step into it and prove to ourselves we are like everyone else – we CAN do it!…..I know that for me…”overwhelm” and the “makes no brain sense” panic that comes with that “overwhelm” and consequences of “failure” are in our face – adding more “plates of stuff” that we don’t know where to put or what to do with…..
We will keep aiming to “measure up” to all those ideas that make so much sense to “brains”….we just gotta deal with a bunch of “Internal plates of stuff” that keep getting in our way…blocking our path and causing more overwhelm and panic…Maybe it’s because we are still struggling with denial….or it will be “proof positive” that we ARE different….or really DON’T measure up….like I said – “Internal plates of stuff” we are still struggling with…..still working on….Yes – we do need to find “helper parts” that can step in and get us there….but that in itself means we are required to step OUT of “denial” a little bit more – which becomes another angle of battle all its own……
It was good to “hear” from you again….we, on this side, have missed you….our “brains” knew you were still there….we just needed to “see” that you were…….
I feel like that’s a lot of guilt you’re trying to dump on Kathy. She has provided over 400 articles on here for free for many years with her own time and at a lot of expense. She has a lot of people to pay to help with the blog and the forum. It has nothing to do with people not deserving help. It has everything to do with the lady needs some sort of income to survive on. I have a hard time paying for therapy some times. But i scrimp and save and don’t buy other things i want because therapy is the most important to me. Her forum costs a lot in upkeep, and she has a team of people she has to pay. I don’t feel that it’s fair to kathy or her team to ask them all to keep working for free. She has been doing this out of the kindness of her heart for years upon years. She could charge for a lot of things she doesn’t. Be fair to her and the people she works with please.
Have wanted to fill in survey but didnt. Tried to tonight, but deleted at Q about what i would be willing to pay. Willing and able are completely different. Whats the point in continuing with it.
Lisa of lis et. al. says
I completely understand your struggle with the “willing to pay” vs. “able to pay.” We are in that boat as well. We figure we will just have to wait to see how it all rolls out. It does feel discouraging when the subject of money comes up, and certainly professionals are worthy of being paid well. Our therapist takes one of our 2 insurances and has worked out a deal with us on the co-pay, otherwise, we could only see her a couple times a month. It’s a sucky situation when money becomes the thing that excludes us from being just another person who is entitled to a little comfort or happiness. Being poor sucks. Period.
lis et. al.
I was unable to access the survey. I did it from my phone so maybe that was it. I don’t know. I’ll try again when i am on my computer. Thanks
Pessimistic Petinuia says
We suppose a definition of internet troll is in order. Because Kathy, we see people with DID out right attacking others who have DID.
We see it online all of the time. Especially stating “you don’t have DID!”
These kinds of accusations promote discord. I still am seeing it to this day.
We feel it is sad. We aren’t just really sure you can keep that from happening without someone getting upset.
Hi Pessimistic Petinuia (Petunia?),
I hear what you are saying but you know what – saying online that someone does not have DID reflects a person who is either ignorant, stupid or just bating others. No one can say that someone does or does not have DID. That is for a professional to decide. So, this one is really easy to deal with – we just ignore any comments like that because they are ill informed at best. And, outright attacks – that can simply be a protocol/rule that such attacks will not be tolerated.
We are only vulnerable online if we let ourselves be. The best way to deal with folks who do this kind of hurtful jabber online is to ignore them. I just want to say that as a community member, I am not about to tolerate any hateful, hurtful or out-and-out attacks on my friends. We set the tone and conduct of how our community works together. Bullies do not.
One thing I only touched on in the survey but wanted to expand on, was the infiltration of mental health sites by Pharma trolls. Trolls in general can be angry, abusive, demeaning, rude and draining, but Pharma trolls are at another level. They’re employed by the big companies to push medications and dismiss and degrade any person who doubts their words or offers alternatives. They’re often highly educated and extremely manipulative and there’s no healing anywhere in their vicinity.
I read an article on the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation website recently where their research showed over 40% of mental health sites are either funded by, controlled by, or have active members from Pharmaceutical companies. Scary really.
Kathy Broady MSW says
Hello Us, and wow — thank you for your comment. Holy moly.
That’s a really helpful piece of information, and I am glad to say that there is absolutely NO funding provided by pharmaceutical companies here at Discussing Dissociation. We are not medical doctors, we don’t prescribe meds from here, and we won’t be pushing any, so Pharma trolls can move on down the road. They are not invited to join in!
I agree with you — it’s a scary thought to hear those statistics. Yeeeesh!
Thanks for sharing, Us, and by the way, welcome to Discussing Dissociation!
Finished the survey.
Well, I filled out the survey and am super excited about the possibility of the forum. But, I have to admit that I am a bit torn emotionally about it. I am not meaning to stir anything up because everyone seems to be on a watch and see and I am all for that. And, I want it know that I have the utmost respect and regard for Kathy and Laura and Claire who I have communicated with and I know have given selflessly and graciously with their time and talents. Of course it is reasonable that a fee be charged for the forum. I for one am not opposed to that. I do like the idea of potentially having a sliding scale or maybe a way that some of us can sponsor others but we will have to see what happens.
I just want to reassure everyone that I hear the hurt, fear and concerns that some folks will not be able to pay for the forum and that the DD website blog posts will be abandoned. I for one have no intention of abandoning the DD website in favour of the forum. I think that the DD website has a vital role to play in reaching out to folks who are trying to find solid, thoughtful and caring information about DID. And, I see no reason why we would stop talking here because we all know that when we share our heart stories, everyone benefits. I would only hope that folks out there with DID looking for someone who truly understands finds comfort in what we have created as a community here. That does not change in my mind.
Just my two cents worth.
Thanks for saying this.
Lil Drummer Boy says
Thank You. All Done. Let’s get Rollin.
Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum! 😉
done. thanks for making this happen. look forward to getting started. thank you!
Rocio Caro says
We finished the survey and then sent you in more details because there were questions we couldn’t answer with just a single check mark.
its great news! I hope it goes really well for everyone involved. Good luck Kathy and team, good wishes to everyone who can use it.
Getting good safe help, support and treatment depends a little on luck and a lot on money. That makes us a lot sad, cos being hurt so bad didnt cost anything. Sorry,dont mean to bring the mood down, but its the truth. The fees might not be much in the grand scheme of things, but i have outside children to raise, am on benefits and unable to work atm (which shames me considerably) and literally scraping through financially. That said, i dont expect anything to be handed to me on a plate, so i never expected to be able to take part. (I am surprised its hurting as much as it is..)
I would like to do the survey, but dont want to be on the earlybird list for something i already know i cant do, it would just make me too sad and i cant cope with anymore of that. Am trying to break it to mainly the kids inside, its them who connect most with Kathy and they already hurt more than i can bear.
We won’t leve the s blog . We might take part in the other like We do do now. With different things . This place feels safe. It is well watched over that’s important. All of us have felt like apart of something amazing here. We will not walk away from that. I can only speak on my behave and not the rest of this body, but I’m allmost certain that we have become a family member here.
I’m new to knowing my system and my family don’t know, I’m finding it very hard so help from a theraputic side would be a extra help especially when trusting my therapist.
Wecome to blog. Many of us have known for Somme time about being D.I.D and we still have struggles. So with that being said I hope you find Courage and strength amongst this group. Remember you’re never alone. And I mean that in both senses of the word you have your inside folks and you have your all of here At discussing dissociationhere To help
Well it must be super confusing right now for you perhaps? Trying to figure everything out? If you want, you can keep writing and sharing and I bet you’ll get a lot of support from here, as I have found. It is hard to build trust with a T, so maybe a forum where you can get feedback from others will help with that. I’m hoping that will work out for you. I’m looking forward to it myself.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I hear you and hope you get to feeling more support.
What is great about this place is that you have stellar, super knowledgeable and compassionate experts in the field of DID therapy (Kathy and Laura) and a whole bunch of experts in the art of living with DID. We are all here to help one another. More often then not, a question you ask or problem that you wish to explore will resonate with other community members here. We speak the language of the trenches Julia – the words of knowing. You are not alone on your path. We are with you and willing to help in any way that we can.
Lisa of lis et. al. says
Done. One of the questions asked for multiple answers, but the survey didn’t allow for more than one answer, so I only checked the “Other” box.
Thanks for considering starting forums.
just sayin’ am hoping others truly did find it easy to answer the survey… i had to go back a couple of times for some reason- hard to decide on one answer 🙃! which lead to story like answers on the ones with blanks!
it reminded me of how i was the reason on a a scale from 1-10, i’d pick 5… unless something really stood out to me… and even then i’ve been known to say give a 4.5 answer, or even more confusing somehow a -.5!! i heard someone on staff say out loud- doesn’t she know what a scale means, and how to answer it…
ok, thanks for asking for all of our feedback- that’s definitely helpful!
Okie Dokie. Done. This is gonna Rock!
All the Jill People says
Done. The question were easy and didn’t require a lot of detail. I happy that it wasn’t for just a big perso to answer
Kathy Broady MSW says
HEY Jessie !!
Good to hear from you. 🙂
I’m glad you are IN THE KNOW and were able to answer the questions yourself. We can’t get anything passed you, hey?!!
Well done, and thanks bunches, 🙂
Survey is done! Thanks for asking for input.
Kathy Broady MSW says
Thank you, MultipleMe — I appreciate your participation!
If you think of more questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to write them here, or send them in to the Client Care Team.