Wow — our first place to write anything has been a WONDERFUL success…. with well over 1,000 comments, and many ongoing conversations. Three cheers for Our Normal Complicated Selves!!
And like you, I have been having trouble opening the page. I guess 1000+ comments on one page feels heavy to the internet ?? Not sure.
But even so — let’s just start a second page here, and that will hopefully help.
Keep on writing !!
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
Naturluvr says
May 6, 2019 at 1:47 am{{{ME+WE}}} YOU ROCK! You made it through this tidal wave with flying colors. It’s so good to hear your voice! <3 I've got to go but just wanted to send my love and hugs to you. And congratulate you on your strength and courage, your tenacity and capability. <3 <3 <3
Naturluvr <3
5/5/19
Happy Cinco De Mayo! (I don't celebrate it, but I would love to if I had the energy, wherewithal, friends to go with me, and found some cool place to go : )
ME+WE says
May 8, 2019 at 10:45 amOh my {{{Naturluvr}}} you are so cherished — such a wonderful supporter, teacher, supporter and friend. You lead by example; teach by example and inspire by example. I am so blessed to have you in my life! Thank you dear friend!
ME+WE
❤️❤️❤️
Naturluvr says
May 7, 2019 at 5:01 amAmen! Missy Ming and ME+WE! Wow, can I relate!
The trick is to state whatever is needed to be stated (or not, sometimes, it can be ignored or walked away from), stay calm, ask and let Spirit handle the situation. This is something I am continuously working on–asking Spirit for help, listening, receiving, and allowing the situation to unfold as Spirit chooses.
I haven’t the time, now, to express how well this is working for me lately. I’m in awe at events that have taken place recently.
MissyMing, I, too, in the past have been told I take things too personally. They were right. It took me a long time to understand. I learned to change by becoming more DETACHED. What the troublemaker is doing would be done by them to anyone, not just to me. They don’t care who is the recipient. They just do what they do. Often, you can let them “hang themselves.” Also, by getting upset (which I did for years), it encourages them to continue. They love to get rises out of others, and usually target those who react more overtly than those who don’t.
It is difficult to turn away and ignore bad behavior, but it often is the only way to make it disappear, or at the very least, not exacerbate it.
I, also, believe in a metaphysical manner of handling trouble makers. I send them love. As difficult as this is (you can say, “I can’t. Spirit, please, send them love for me”), IT WORKS. I have seen it time after time. We are energy beings and this works on an energetic level. Sending love and detaching is wayyyyy better than reacting with anger and getting all worked up. When we remove the attention and negative energies and stop feeding the situation (like feeding a monster) it begins to shrink from its original power. (Remember: What we focus on expands. It is best to focus on what we want, than on what we don’t want.)
<3 <3 <3
Naturluvr <3
5/6/19
MissyMing says
May 9, 2019 at 1:46 amThanks Naturluvr….I am a major work in progress….it is that I have had no voice for so long…not been allowed to express my needs….not heard when I tried…..felt more like an “object to be used” rather than a person….major Internal uproar when I was called a “counterbalance” ….but my brain says, “Isn’t that good?”…..massive confusion that triggers SI……I am finally “seeing” when things are wrong instead of just being silent and letting them happen to me…..
I try so hard to “make” myself be OK with what I am seeing…just go numb and let it happen….but Rage is not “happy” with that…..I have denied his existence for so long….now I am trying to know what to do with it…..trying to find middle ground but I feel like a pendulum that is wildly swinging right now….it will eventually find its middle ground…I am just not there yet……
The parts are not understanding why I am just letting this happen to them again…letting them be “used” (still not sure what they mean by that)….why am I not taking care of them….helping them…..Rage is the only protector they trust right now – they are not sure about me…..
Maybe I will get to the “love” part….hope it hurries up and gets here…..
MissyMing
05/08/19
ME+WE says
May 11, 2019 at 2:04 pmBang on target Naturluvr (as usual)! I am learning to let go and be guided by my inner wisdom (from my spirit self and sensory self – my heart and gut reactions). Mostly to let go of trying to control the situation but to ride with it and let it flow past me. My T keeps telling me – “you are the mountain that will not be moved by all of the winds that blow around you”. So, I am learning to let all of the ill winds flow around me and not attach to me or do any damage to me. I am remaking myself into Teflon now and not my Velcro self of the past. My meditation teacher is always saying – “what you focus on grows”. That sure is true. If you focus on negative, you can be sure that you can find a lot of it in your life. So, I try and focus on positive, gratitude and love. That has been a struggle sometimes but I do find that it reframes how I look at my life. In turn, I look less for the negative and I experience less negative as a result.
ME+WE
MissyMing says
May 8, 2019 at 1:35 amI shared this “puzzle pieces” segment with someone and they suggested I post it here…that maybe someone else would identify with it and maybe it would help them to understand a bit……
I am one of those whose “trauma” is still blocked off…..I look back over my life and can see the “weird” modes…..the times I would do something so “out of the ordinary” for who I usually was….the occasional times of “bottoming out” and then being all “Twilight Zone-y” afterwards…not able to “grasp” what had just happened to me….even in my teen years the sense of a deep volcano of rage that I had to go numb on to keep it hidden …the deep waves of fear and the “wails” I heard somewhere inside… the need to escape something I couldn’t put my finger on and the fear that only death could accomplish it….the ultimate sense of at times “watching myself” – wondering if I was even “real” or not…the sense of being a non-gender “it”……but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other – getting through life – doing as best as I could to meet expectations……
Now the weird “flashes” of feeling and seeing stuff that make no sense to my “brain”….. but somehow feel more “real” on the Inside than anything on the Outside…. the massive confusion that can feel like it is going to take me out……and the onslaughts of the SI scenarios……Those triggered times have always left me feeling “out of control” and “crazy”…..and I have been at a loss to explain them to anyone – much less myself……
I have finally realized that since my life has no “box lid with the puzzle picture on it”, my triggers are my puzzle pieces….and it is a grueling process in more ways than one to fit the pieces together…I now jot down notes of triggers as they hit – otherwise they all turn into a Twilight Zone-y blur of no time frames and me wondering if I “imagined” it all…. I struggle with constantly questioning my “perspective” of anything…..i.e. Did I really see that? Or did I dream it? Or imagine it?…..There is a level of confusion that causes inability to take any kind of stand or to have a voice…. I don’t know why that struggle is so, so strong……
So now I email the notes of those times to my T ….she understands why and reads them as she can – knowing my need to get them out and documented… if it was ONLY for me – I would probably end up denying I “saw” it and destroy the notes – but now she also has a copy…. hopefully, between us, we can pick up a recurring pattern that would help us get to the source…..Somehow I managed to find a T who was “above and beyond” understanding……
I have always fought the triggers – they have thrown me and scared me – and I worked hard to “deny” them….but they are actually the “puzzle pieces” that will eventually lead me to the unknown part of my life…..they can gently bubble up or or they can slam me – they can be a split-second flash or leave me feeling like I entered another “world” – but it is my system gradually leading me into the unknown…step by step…..
I don’t know if I am doing all this “right” or not….but it seems to be what works for me…..Still functioning in a level of dissociation that will allow me to “watch” the trigger and hopefully not get too swallowed up by it…..
Then maybe I can know “who” I am……..
(I can see I went into “overboard talk mode” again – sorry….but I felt it was important to say what I said….)
MissyMing
05/07/19
MultipleMe says
May 8, 2019 at 11:48 pmI just wanted to say that I’m here and actively reading everyone’s posts. I’m just not ready to chime in I guess. I’m sorry about that. I post on the forum but not a whole lot, not like I want to anyway. I have a goal to participate more.
I agree with ME+WE, I appreciate the date stamp! Also, did y’all know that you can supscribe to different blog posts? Like you can subscribe to this post and get all new posts in your email box. I think that’s cool.
Anyway, sending love and care to you all!
MultipleMe
ME+WE says
May 11, 2019 at 1:52 pmHi MultipleMe,
I am in the same boat as you – reading but not able to participate much right now. I did not know that we could subscribe to the different blog posts! Thanks for the heads up on that.
ME+WE
Naturluvr says
May 13, 2019 at 5:17 pmDear friends,
I’m up late on Mother’s Day and just wanted all of you to know you were in my heart today, and you weren’t alone, even if you may have felt so.
Love to the mothering parts of you, the healing feminine in you, that is seeing to it that you express yourselves, get therapy and do whatever you can do each day to move the what’s-not-loving-helpful-and-needed-anymore out, and the new and healthy and good in.
And, again, sort of, if you have children, real, furry or otherwise child parts. Happy Mother’s Day to the good mother in you… forget and detach from the other mother, if possible, to whatever degree. You deserve to appreciate the healthy and good in YOU! <3
Namaste.
Naturluvr
5/13/19
Missy says
May 14, 2019 at 11:50 amThank you Naturluver for the kind words
ME+WE says
May 14, 2019 at 11:38 pmBeautifully said {{{Naturluvr}}}. Just love the part – “Love to the mothering parts of you, the healing feminine in you, that is seeing to it that you express yourselves, get therapy and do whatever you can do each day to move the what’s-not-loving-helpful-and-needed-anymore out, and the new and healthy and good in.” So worth repeating here! Thank you for the words of wisdom dear friend.
ME+WE
lis et. al. says
May 14, 2019 at 7:59 amHi friends,
My first time writing on this thread. Just wanted to let you all know I will find you on these pages, and still be able to share stuff, despite not being able to afford the Forum anymore. I probably have a week or so before my membership there stops.
I’m totally bummed, but it is a reality of our life.
I’m sorry if anyone is hurt by my absence.
lis et. al.
Missy says
May 14, 2019 at 11:47 amWell I’m happy you will be here. So to see you leave the forum but this system understands.
ME+WE says
May 15, 2019 at 1:13 amHi lis et. Al.,
I am so happy to see you here even though I am sad to see you leave the forum. You will find a whole bunch of new friends here in other folks that are not on the forum and some very familiar forum folks as well. Not hurt … no harm … just doing what you need to do and that is way okay.
ME+WE
DK to all says
May 20, 2019 at 11:03 amStill continuing on to the new therapist. Feeling scared to talk. I don’t have a lot of internal communication right now but maybe that means parts are settling down for a little bit? Or I am just regressing and scared to talk?
We have had the worst weekend ever. My husband has been diagnosed with bipolar II and I figured he was bipolar. It makes us angry that we attracted a narcissitic bi-polar man who is verbally abusive a lot and has severe anger to us all the time. And no patience with our parts. Or patience with us. He tells us things that are mean like saying he doesn’t miss me, doesn’t love me, wish he never got married, he has no conscience towards how he acts. He can be mean with no regret except to hate himself and then he has no idea how to show true compassion or love for me and my parts. This weekend he was especially verbally abusive.
I called him out on his bs and then he flipped everything and tried to tell me what I was doing wrong!!! He yelled and cursed repeatedly, even after knowing how is affects my parts and ptsd. He doesn’t seem to love anyone, even himself. I want to leave this marriage but the finances make it impossible. Where I live I have no family and no true friends to help.
Naturluvr says
May 21, 2019 at 9:06 am{{DK}},
Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry for your pain and suffering. Try not to be angry toward yourself and parts. Feel compassion toward yourselves, instead, as I feel toward you, as you would towards me, if I did such a thing. Allow sadness and tears, and give yourself much loving tenderness, as much as you can.
You do not have to live forever with a choice you made in the past. Please, whenever you can throughout the day, visualize yourself living without him, visualize yourself smiling, dancing with glee for the freedom and joy all your parts feel to be free of him, to have your own place. The more you do this the more the Universe will make it happen. You do not have to know how. Take baby steps of things you can do to prepare for the move, whatever it is, little tiny things, each day or week. Belief (of possibilities) and visualization are 2 of the most helpful things one can do to change their future. The brain doesn’t figure the difference between imagination and “reality.” I have received many good things/situations/outcomes in this manner.
This is all I can say for now. Safe hugs to you.
Naturluvr <3
5/20/2019
ME+WE says
May 22, 2019 at 2:27 amHi DK,
So glad to hear your voice. I have been thinking about you and wondering what is happening. I am so sorry to hear about the troubles with your husband. What a horrible situation to be trapped in. I so wish that there was a way for you to get out of that life. How hurtful, damaging and scary. Please keep talking here if that helps. You do not deserve this abuse … oh my heavens you have had enough of that!
I have found that my insiders go quiet on occasion. To tell you the truth, it really scares me. As much as I complain about all of the internal noise, I miss it when it is gone and worry that the insiders have left me somehow. But, it is usually their time to sort things out inside and they need to be quiet. When they do come back, I wonder why I worried and wanted them back … hahahaha
My positive thoughts and heart energy are with you DK!
ME+WE
Naturluvr says
May 20, 2019 at 12:53 pmLis et. al.,
Endings and new beginnings is what life is made of. Sorry for your loss, and glad to see you here. Everyone who leaves is missed, but here you are! You are not lost. And those here will appreciate your sharing and presence. ; )
Naturluvr <3
5/19/19
All the Jill People says
May 21, 2019 at 10:24 amWe need a place to put this. We can’t afford the paid support here but maybe a fellow DID will hear us.
We have been talking to several people with DID for a very long time. Think we have seen a lot happening with all of us.
We have someone in our life that is going through something but not sure what we can do..if anything. They are experiencing things we have seen before.. suicidal programming.. and or people who want to do harm to the person with DID.
This is scary business folks. We have seen a lot of folks loose their lives because of this.
Just because we have a terminal diagnosis.. we just want to live our life that’s left.. seeing this makes us sad and angry.
What can we do?
But right now.. we are here. Scared.. and worried about our friend..,
Lori says
May 21, 2019 at 11:03 amFor all of you that are living in the Tornado zone for today and tonight or any other time.
Please take care of all of you. I could not even imagine what all this stress adds to an already stressed system.
our twin called from Tx and We have a daughter that live just out side of St. Louis And works in St Louis.
Im sending angels that way to wrap the wings around you and keep you safe.