Today, or tomorrow, my first grandson will be born.
He’s not even born yet, and he’s been the center of all things for quite some time.
Of course, his arrival is one of the main reasons I’ve come to Texas — I didn’t want to miss those first moments of seeing his precious new life.
Or miss the experience watching my son beam with joy when he holds his first son.
Or miss the first weeks of complicated adjustment that my little 2-year old granddaughter will have after her tinier-than-her new baby brother arrives in the world. She’s a clever little whippet but she has absolutely no idea how much her entire world is about to change. I’m here to help her through those days, because you know, I expect a few tear-filled bumps in the road as far as she is concerned.
So I’m here — to be part of that, to see it happen, to feel the beauty, to help with the chaos, and to be busy with all things “Mimi”.
Oh. I’m “Mimi” by the way.
Mimi is the name the little 2-year old gave me, and I’m happy with that! I’m far too young to be called “grandma” so being called Mimi is a fantastic plan.
I’ve been watching all the planning and preparations that have gone into welcoming this new little fella into the world. That prep has been happening for months, but has ramped into full speed, as the “any minute now” arrival has been expected, waited for, hoped for.
His momma has been paying close attention to everything from getting proper nutrition and rest, to folding tiny little clothes placed neatly inside drawers under the diaper changing table. She’s read tons of information, studies the newest child development recommendations, has gone for regular health check up’s, and has done a wonderful job carrying this little guy for more than 40 weeks.
His dad has done tons of reading and preparation as well. He’s helped with setting up the crib, rearranging furniture, getting the house ready, safe and secure for this new little guy, preparing both home and business so that it’s possible for him to also take chunks of time away from work to be available for baby care and momma care.
But they’ve been at this for a couple years now.
I’m so proud to say that both parents spend hours — every single day — playing, nurturing, enjoying, tending, teaching their little girl about shapes, colors, numbers, animals, words, boundaries, manners, playtime, quiet time, structure, laughter, music, language, safety, movement and all manner of things needed for 2-year olds. As parents, they know that the first three years of a child’s life is the time when the brain develops the fastest and the child learns the most.
As dedicated and protective parents, they are diligently doing the very best of their ability, every single day, to fill their little girl will all the goodness, love, and helpful information they can give her. They want to give her the very best start in life possible. She’s learning, and growing, and doing really well because of it.
It’s a joy to see.
And such a stark contrast to the way so many other children are introduced to the world.
It breaks my heart to see the happiness held in this tiny little girl bouncing with joy and freedom, and then to think of all the DID kids I know who were being severely traumatised by this young age.
And to think of how truly small and tiny those little DID kids really were when they had to deal with such huge overwhelming trauma by who would have been giant-sized people.
And to think of how tiny those little DID kids were, with so many needs unmet, and being unable to get even simple things for themselves…. Such as healthy food, or a cool drink, or clean toiletries, or warm clothing.
And to think of how itty bitty tiny those little DID kids were when they were left to cry, or not allowed to cry, or controlled, or manipulated, or neglected, or beaten, or assaulted….
It’s shocking to see a tiny little person right in front of you, and then to think of how terrible adults could be to such a tiny little person, knowing that was exactly how it was for every single one of the DID kids I sit with…
And while it’s beautiful to see my son working so hard every single day to teach his daughter all things good and wonderful, it’s devastating to think of the ways creepy guys worked equally hard to infiltrate the minds of young DID kids with darkness and devastation.
Who are these creeps anyway?
To be purposefully willing to shatter and damage the mind of a child?
To purposefully plan to hurt a tiny little one, not caring about the life-long scars they were creating?
It’s just a lot to think about.
And it’s really and truly disturbing to think of how vicious predators can be.
And once again, my heart goes out to you.
And to your system kids.
Because I can’t even fathom how you survived those atrocities and grew up to be decent and wonderful people!
My little grand daughter cries over an ant bite (okay, to be fair, a fire ant bite does hurt!), but you know… that’s the worst of her injuries, and that is NOTHING compared to what DID kids experience.
My little grand daughter was repeatedly comforted after that ant bite, and she’s been allowed to talk about ants and bites as much as she wanted to talk about it (which has been a LOT). Her injury was recognized, properly tended to, and she’s been given all kinds of reassurance after her painful experience. Since the ant-tragedy at the playground, she has learned lots more about what ants are, what they look like, what to avoid, and how to keep herself safe from further ant bites. She is now a little expert on fire ants, and I don’t expect her to be bit again any time soon!
DID kids who were hurt in much more extreme ways didn’t get that kind of emotional support, or help, or comfort, or freedom of expression, or taught how to not have to be hurt again.
If anything, they were told the opposite, and taught that they were going to get even more pain and more injuries. Which they did.
So my heart goes out to the DID kids, because what they went through in their early years of life, and what they had to manage and navigate on their very own, is truly inconceivable.
They are the heroes of your system, and they most certainly need the care and tending now that they didn’t get then.
So don’t ignore them.
Don’t neglect them.
Don’t be afraid of them.
They are little kids who need your help.
PLEASE tend to your littles. They need to experience the care and nurturing and loving kindness that every single child in the world deserves, without question.
It’s bad enough to experience abuse as an adult, or even a teenager. But really and truly, it’s gotta be worse when you’re a tiny little child, barely able to talk, not able to get away, with absolutely no resources available to protect yourself.
Your DID system kids have been through some horrific experiences. Please please please take good, kind, GENTLE care of them.
They need it.
I wish you and your kids the very very best in your healing journey.
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation