As a brief intro to Laura’s post about Likes and Dislikes, I’m topping this post with a copy of one of Laura’s comments that I really like.
It’s not uncommon for some readers to not see or notice the comments made on this blog. There are over 6,000 comments to see, and most of them are really good! I definitely recommend reading them, and yes, you are absolutely invited to comment and participate yourself as well.
To see Comments, please check at the bottom of each post, OR in the right hand column of the blog pages to see a listing of the most recent comments made, OR right under the title of the article, you’ll see a link in small print that takes you right down to the Comment section.
Laura has made several excellent comment responses to some really important questions, so be sure to check those out.
One of my favourite comments answers the questions, “When do you stop looking for new insiders?” and “Is it necessary to find everyone?“
When would I stop looking for new insiders? Well, I don’t think any insider exists in a vacuum. There will always be at least one other insider who knows about them. So, if nobody you know can think of anyone they know that you don’t know, then you can probably stop actively looking for new people. There’s always the possiblity of a surprise, someone who wasn’t ready to have their existence known – internal dynamics can be complicated. But this is my basic rule of thumb.
Is it necessary to find everyone? That’s a slightly different question, but I think the answer is yes. It is very necessary. I encourage you to meet the above rule of thumb because until you meet everyone, until you know everyone, you can’t really be sure there is no part of your system that is left in the past. The idea is to bring everyone, the whole system, up to date and learn to work together as a functioning unit, sort of similar to how an office runs. Everyone is an individual, but everyone has to work together.
Imagine how it would be if one employee was stuck in the basement in the dark. It might not be general knowledge, but it will still affect the overall group. There’s a secret untold, there’s someone who isn’t being treated fairly. Groups can sense when there’s something off even if they don’t know what it is, and the busy and productive office life will feel like a sham until the cause is addressed.
The same holds true for dissociative systems, and that’s why I think it’s necessary to find everyone.
Not everyone agrees with me about this. That’s just my take on it.
I think that’s a great answer because it’s important to find everyone in your system.
What do you think? Do you agree?
Please keep reading.
And if you have any questions, please ask. It’s definitely okay to ask.
Now for Laura’s post — in response to a question that was asked. 🙂
GETTING TO KNOW YOU – LIKES AND DISLIKES
A post by Laura from Discussing Dissociation
Today’s subject is Likes and Dislikes, about things I do and don’t like to do in my free time.
Three Things I LIKE
- Tennis is one of my favorite things to do in my free time.
I was surprised to discover this about myself, because I’ve never thought of myself as an athletic person.
I was involved in a lot of different sports as a kid. I did ballet, figure skating, gymnastics, soccer, riding, swimming, field hockey, track, softball… I’m pretty competitive, so I tried a lot of different sports looking for one I could be good at. Some people can play sports just for fun, but I’m not one of those people. If I don’t have at least chance of winning when I play, then I don’t see the point of playing at all!
Unfortunately, I wasn’t good at any of the sports I tried. In fact, I was flat out bad at most of them. So I spent a long time thinking I was just bad at sports in general.
Then one year, I was on vacation. The weather was cloudy and cool and I was a little bored, so I signed up for a tennis lesson with the pro at the place where I was staying. I didn’t play tennis at the time. It was just something to do for an hour. At the end of the lesson, the pro told me that, if I put a little effort into my game, he thought I could be a pretty good player. And I thought “… oh really??”
Those were the magic words. Finally, a sport where I showed some potential skill! I signed up for a beginner clinic when I got home from vacation, and the rest, as they say, is history. I’m not going to be competing with Serena Williams any time soon, but it satisfies my competitive drive, and there is always something new I can learn or improve. That’s what makes it fun for me.
- I like cooking, especially baking.
I also really like to eat my own cooking, especially when I make cookies. Or gingerbread. Gingerbread is my favorite!
One thing I like about cooking is its predictability. If I follow the recipe correctly, I’m going to end up with something that is at least edible, if not delicious. I like that kind of certainty!
Another thing I like about cooking is how the same basic food items can become completely different dishes depending on how you combine them.
- I love books and reading. I learned to read farily young, and I think I’ve had my nose in a book ever since!
As the youngest child in my family, I spent what felt like endless hours being dragged to boring adult things like dinners at restaurants, where everyone just wanted to sit around and talk for hours. It was so boring. Thankfully, my parents let me bring a book with me. Looking back, I see this was as much for their benefit as mine. If I had a book, I’d be happy to sit there as long as they did, and I wouldn’t whine or complain or embarrass them by running around the restaurant. It worked out well for everyone. 🙂
I read a lot of fiction with a healthy dose of sociology and psychology, but I’ll try just about anything.
I have an iPad with the Nook and Kindle apps, so I can take my whole library with me everywhere I go. I love that! It’s nice not to have three or four books weighing down my bag all the time. On the other hand, I love holding a book, the smell and the feel of it, and I love being surrounded by my bookcases full of familiar and favorite titles. I don’t want to switch completely to electronic books. I’m sure some day print books will be entirely a thing of the past, but I’m going to enjoy them for as long as they last.
Three Things I DON’T Like
- I do not like crowds. I usually avoid anything where there will be a lot of people milling around in a confined space.
For example, you will never find me in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. I know a few people who have gone. They said it was really exciting to be part of that crowd, but to me it looks like the worst possible way to spend the evening. Packed shoulder to shoulder with strangers, so many people that you can’t even move. And just imagine the parking, and the traffic, and how long it will take to get out of there once the so-called excitement is over… I will never spend New Year’s Eve in Times Square, and I don’t feel like I’m missing a thing!
Occasionally, though, I do feel like I might be missing out on something because of my unwillingness to plunge into a sea of humanity. For example, the State Fair was always a big event in Texas, and people would always ask me about it, but I never went! Sitting in traffic so I can spend a whole day (and a lot of money) walking around in the heat with a bajillion other people? No thanks!
On the other hand, I was curious about it. I even tried to get some out of town friends to come visit me at fair time so I would have some incentive to go. Unfortunately, none of my friends wanted to go to the fair either, so I guess I’ll never know what I missed!
- I do not like airplanes. Flying itself doesn’t bother me, but I don’t like the hassle of airports or the long flights confined in a small space with 200 other people. Being stuck in an airplane for hours with everyone talking and babies crying and people walking up and down the aisle and the smell of bathroom chemicals and microwaved food and that one inevitable person wearing too much perfume or aftershave… ugh!
On the other hand, I like seeing new places. There are so many places I’d like to see if I didn’t have to fly to get there!
My compromise is to travel to places I can drive to. Long drives are much nicer than long airplane flights. I sing along with my iPod (when I’m alone in the car!) or listen to audio books and check out all the different places as I pass through them. Right now, I’m planning a day trip to watch a professional tennis tournament. It’s in a city I haven’t been to before, and I’m really looking forward to it.
- I don’t like watching tv.
I often have the tv on in the background, but I can’t stand to just sit and watch tv. Even if I like the show, I get bored just sitting and watching.
There are a few notable exceptions, though. I’ve seen most of the first season of “Stranger Things” and I’m excited about the new season. Also, I try to catch the new MacGyver episodes. The original MacGyver was one of my favorite shows back in the 80s, and even though I don’t think the new one is quite as good, I still like it. I don’t have cable or DVR, though, so I don’t see it every week.
So there you have it, folks! Those are some of the ways I spend my free time, and some of the ways I don’t like to spend my free time.
Stay tuned! There will be more blog posts coming.
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation