Okay …. it’s time for some fun. I really like to be silly, and I hope you do too.
I’ve had a birthday again. You know, they just keep coming every single year! What’s up with that ?! I wish I could stay young like you kids…. but I just don’t know how to do that! 😉
Except this year, was a little different, and this year, something kinda cool happened, and I’d like to know what you think.
First, I want to acknowledge that I know birthdays can be difficult times for lots of DID folks, and these days are often filled full with yucky scary memories. Those terrible mean people were NOT supposed to hurt you on your birthday, and I am very very sorry that they did.
Today, this birthday story is about something new. I want to show you about A NEW kind of birthday for you — a good one. I had a very good birthday this year, and I want to show you that those days are allowed to be fun as well.
The important thing is to NOT be with anyone who is gonna hurt you. That’s soooo important that I’m going to repeat that. The important thing is to NOT be with anyone who is gonna hurt you.
It’s so much better to have a happy day with kind people, fun people, silly people, even boring people, puppy people, kitty people, butterfly people, stuffie-people, teddy bear people, horsie people — and yes, I’m definitely including your kind insider people as part of this people-list. Invite only those you know who are kind and gentle and fun and playful. When you have a group like that, you can have a very good day.
It’s fun to make a birthday a HAPPY DAY.
For that matter, ANY day can be a HAPPY Day. You can be creative and pick ANY day to be your Happy Day !
The recipe for a HAPPY DAY is
- wear your favorite shirt
- find a ridiculous party hat — just for fun
- get some of your favorite treats to eat
- add something playful — sparklers are a great idea
- have plenty of time so you aren’t rushed
- play some bouncy boppy music in the background
- be as silly and funny as you want to be
- be with good friends or someone who makes you laugh
- do some of your very favorite activities
- bring your smiles and let your happy shine through!
So here’s the million dollar question of the day. It might be a bit silly to be asking you this, but Oliver and I are having a very serious discussion. Puggy to Kathy, Kathy to Puggy.
Oliver, as you might know, is one of the cutest little pugs in the whole wide world. Even if he does snort and snore when he sleeps, he’s just the best, and he’s a fantastic friend too.
Oliver thinks HE looks best in party hats. He thinks he is the very most handsomest and the very most adorable puggy and he’s not afraid to show it. I have to agree — he’s pretty awesome.
But this year, I had to challenge him, just for fun.
I know Oliver wears hats very very well. There’s no doubt about it. So this year I took this competition very seriously. And now, it’s up to you to decide.
Who wears birthday hats better — Oliver ?? or Me ??
Here’s Oliver looking very snazzy in his fancy hat:
OH HOW ADORABLE IS THAT ??!!!!
Pugs have just the sweetest little faces…. sweet Oliver, so beautiful, and absolutely gorgeous. For sure, there’s no doubt about it.
Thank you, Oliver, for the Happy Day wishes from you. :).
But cheer up, Oliver. THIS is a HAPPY Day. Where’s your big cheesey smile, Oliver? Is that oh so sad, sad, sad face the best party face that you’ve got?
Oh, Oliver. Maybe I can cheer you up.
Have a look at me, all snazzed up in my fancy jazzy Party Hat:
YEP !! That’s silly ol’ me, hahahaha! 😀 😆
I like ALL my party hats !! I couldn’t pick just one. I had to wear them all!
I knew I would have to go all-out to have even the slightest chance of winning the party hat race this year against Oliver.
It’s so much fun.
Surely that made you smile… even just a little bit, right?!
And my birthday day was truly a happy day. I did all the things on that list from up there higher on this page. I made sure to NOT do anything stressful or scary or yucky, and I ONLY did things that were fun, and special, and happy. It is super cool to be able to create NICE memories, and GOOD times, and FUN days. Because I can do that — just like you can do that. I can be in charge of my Happy Day and decide what I want it to be like.
And I wasn’t going to let anyone ruin my Happy Day with bad stuff. No way — not MY Happy Day. No bad stuff allowed here !!
And you know what? If I can do that, YOU can do it too. Yep, for sure, and no doubt about it. Just make a big ol’ plan full of all the good stuff you like to do. Protect the time, and keep it special, just for you.
Even after my super-duper party was over, and I was plum wore out, and very tired, and had no more dancing feet left, and I was all flopped over, and couldn’t even keep my hats on straight, I still felt warm and snuggly and cozy in my heart.
Because you know, having a good day makes a lot of difference about how your feel. And when you are tired just because you had so much FUN, and when you’re all worn out and ready for a nap, and when your heart is so full of happy that it can’t get any more happy shoved into it, that kind of sleepy tired goodness is a special feeling too. It just feels extra nice and super cozy to be exhausted by FUN things.
Remember, if I can do it, YOU can do it too.
When are you going to have your super fun but exhausting HAPPY DAY ???
Oliver and I challenge YOU to have a day that is completely full of fun and goodness and laughter and playtime. Make time to wipe out all those bad memories by filling your day FULL FULL FULL of extra good stuff.
Oliver and I recommend it.
Especially if you’re wearing party hats. 😀
I wish you the FUNNEST time on your healing journey.
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
I hope people no that it be ok to take breaks from all the hard trauma work.
like you can still be having a hard time and flash backs and body memeries and talk about hard stuff in therapy AND still go do some thing fun like blow bubbles at the park or go for a aventure walk. I hope people no you dont got to do 1 or the other. it be ok to take breaks and let youselves have fun.
We had a hard hard talk with our talker last night. but also we did fun things. that be ok to do. you dont got to be serious for EVERY second.
Live United says
So I like to read the. Article that show up on face book. When I was looking at all the comments and the first one I saw was all the Jill People
It made me kinda sad. But happy to know that her body and mind is at peace now.
All the Littles! says
Happy Later Birthday KATHY! You are such a Silly Silly Bear! That’s just what we love about you. You just be so so funny! How you do that? We want a Happy Silly Birthday too. We don’t know HOW to be SO Silly! We think it must start with Funny Hats! Sparklers would be very Fun too. And we always want to put our hands in the cake & eat it all messy. That’s not silly but does sound fun! We be thinking on it. Cause we have plenty of time to wait. We noticed you didn’t have people at your party. Can you have a party all by yourself??? Well, Oscar was there but really can you?
We have lots of inside littles but we didn’t know we were allowed to party all alone. At least no mean people & we like the idea of an inside/outside Birthday party. We could wear our clothes inside out! LoL. That might help our insiders. We must give it a think because we don’t like attention inside but an inside/out party sounds safer & fun.
Well, you win the Silly Hat award. You just Crazy! And we love it! Thank you KATHY for sharing your silly day. We will plan a day for us next Birthday & make it silly too. Cause really, we are never alone. What a good idea!
Are you saying that today is your birthday? If so — HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I hope that you had lots of party hats and fun things including lots of peanut butter cookies!
WE LOVE THIS!
I like Oliver. He is soooo cute. He is little too. I like his scrunchy face and cute little eyes.
You win on the wearing the hats the best pictures. I liked that there was so many of them and they are fun. And you are fun and silly and have real good ideas of what to do on birthdays.
Today is the biggest us’s birthday. I want to get us to do everything on your list WAY up there on the page way up there. I really like your since of humor your alot of fun.
Tonight is a Super Blue Blood Moon though. other people inside dont want to have fun today even though we dont live any where around any body that can hurt us outside. they still dont want to. but we want to make the day part of today fun so i want to go get fun hats and stuff and make peanut butter cookies because peanut butter cookies are my favorite flavor. when i met everyone i did not know my name so when i ate a cookie a nice nurse gave me they gave me my name. Peanut. I like it.
I hope you had fun on your birthday even if it was a long time ago. I like Oliver too. I want to get a dog for my cat to play with.
Happy biggest you’s birthday!!!!
Oh crap this has really triggered something. Inside is chaos and alarm bells. What the hell…????????
Kathy Broady MSW says
oh dear !!
Sorry, Sky !! Really really that is all about being silly and fun, and is certainly not meant to scare anyone. Please check with your folks inside…. are they okay? They can tuck away, and scoot back, hide deeper inside, and please let them know that I will not be using those ridiculous hats to hurt anyone, and especially not your Sky people.
But clearly… all those hats reminds them of something else, some other time, some other place, where a lot of hats, or something that shape, or maybe something with those colors — something about that situation was very very scary for your people. Maybe there is something about birthdays or birthday parties that feels scary to your insiders?
Is it okay if y’all share memories with each other?
Can anyone tell your Big Sky person what is troubling for you?
It’s pretty common for birthdays to feel scary – I even mention that right at the beginning of the post. I was trying to do something opposite to scary. I am very sorry it didn’t work out so well.
I’m sorry to hear you are hurting and scared. I really really really promise that my silly hats are only for fun and giggles and goofiness. They weren’t used to hurt anyone, and they didn’t hurt me either, and none of the puppies — Oliver, or Pinky, or Joe Bob were hurt either.
I hope things feel better for you soon….
Happy birthday Kathy! Oliver wins for us cos you look scary to us in all those hats 🙈🙈🙈
Thank you Kathy. That was ssssooo helpful right now as my littles are struggling. It gave us all a wonderful smile and giggle and warmed our hearts. My one little one believes that we are born with silly beans inside of us that tickle our insides and bring us the happy, fun, silly, joyous parts of life. Childhood trauma can destroy silly beans (unless the littles have hidden them safely) as can neglect. She reckons that most big people (read adults) have let their silly beans die over time as they “grow up” … explains a lot about big people!
Well, it is clear that you have not let your silly beans die Kathy and you are not afraid to share them. Thank you so much for this gift of fun. I have to keep reminding myself that there is joy and silly in life as well. I also have to be vigilant to not let the messages of pain drown out the little ones who want to play and have fun. It is easy to fall into the rabbit’s hole of darkness and push the littles aside that do not dwell there.
By-the-way, the littles have decided that you wear the party hat best because they expect puppy’s to be full of silly beans but are fascinated that there is a big person who is so in touch with her silly beans too and willing to share them.
if we cud have a prefict happy britday we wud get to sleep in late
and the go have pizza for luntsh
and we wud go see are talker ladey
and spend lots of time talk to her
and go for a walk
and get ise crem
and go ise skate
and mabe have pizza agan
and find a baby to roc to slep
Kathy Broady MSW says
That sounds like a very beautiful happy b’day plan, kids! You’ve got a long list of a lot of fun things. Especially two rounds of pizza ??!!! WOW! That’d be a REALLY good day, hahaha. I hope you get LOTS of happy days. 🙂
Oddly, I don’t remember ever having a bad birthday, but this post triggered something. Apparently, one of my birthdays wasn’t good. My birthday is on Monday. Happy belated birthday to you, Kathy. I will try to make this a good birthday.
Kathy Broady MSW says
Happy happy birthday to you. :).
And yes…. please do whatever you can to make this a good birthday for you AND for your insiders. This might be the first time that some of them get to experience the b’day as a good day, and it’s really important to be able to share that experience with them. What might they like? What might be a positive experience for them? Have they ever got to try a bite of b’day cake? Let them enjoy all the good things by inviting to be present with you. Clearly, in past years, they’ve stayed further away. Maybe this year, they can have a good time too. Wouldn’t that be cool?!
When there is a trigger, that usually means that someone inside is thinking / feeling / remembering something that was difficult and painful for them, in some way or another. And remember, your insiders can have very different memories and life experiences than you. When time allows, you might need to take some time to listen to them and to understand what they were upset about. Then do your very best to “fix that” by helping them feel safe, and let them know you will do everything you can to keep them protected and away from any further harm.
I hope you have a great day on Monday! 🙂
Kathy your puppy is soooo cute!!!But we laughed so very much when we saw your picture with all those hats!!!! I was only expecting one hat and you had soooo many!!! You are funny and make us LOL!
Kathy Broady MSW says
Puppies are just the best, aren’t they ?!!
Glad you liked the silly picture of all the hats. Laughing out of fun and happy is a good thing!
Thank you for your kindness… really appreciate that.
OH — and how many hats can YOU wear at one time ????? 🙂
Have a fun time piling them on…. 🙂
All the Jill People says
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATHY PEOPLE!
Ok, so we know you aren’t multiple but.. this shows the silly side of Kathy. FUNNY!
We really would like to write a complete comment about this but, we can’t. Not yet. Hopefully Soon!
I just want to say how completely different this year is going to be as far as our birthday goes. I won’t go into details about how this year wasn’t supposed to be happy but, it wasn’t.
Some big surprises came for our system.. and big ones. We met some incredible people who are also multiple. We can ‘be ourselves ‘ in this group of people. It has been one of THE best things I have done.. joining a group for people with DID!
We are embarking on an adventure.. calling it the “squirrel party”. Switching will be allowed and even welcome!
I can’t write about all the details. I will say that this is the most scary, incredible, important, and exciting thing I have EVER done.
Oh my goodness!
Kathy, are you sure you can’t take a 3day vacation and join us? It would be so wonderful to have you.
I want to add here how Kathy has been our support.. our cheerleading squad. I didn’t think it was ever possible to turn my blah .. could have been a very tragic birthday around. Someday we will write about it and maybe Kathy will post about it.
I think it’s VERY important to share that turning a cult blah.. Birthday misery around into something wonderful IS POSSIBLE!
It is happening for us., it CAN BE DONE.
I have a few tears this morning.. because..I ❤️ All my new found friends.
Will write soon..,
And Kathy.. we are going to HAVE to be able to do an article together!!!! This thing is tooo good not to share with others.
Kathy Broady MSW says
Thank you, All the Jill People !!!
I am silly, no doubt about it — glad you can enjoy that. :).
And yes, yes, yes, I’m really looking forward to hearing a whole lot more about this Squirrel Party Adventure you are having this year! Sounds fabulous. I am sooooo looking forward to your birthday being turned around into something incredibly positive. It is absolutely and most definitely possible to turn tragic into terrific! You are doing fantastic things in changing your day around into something good that you can be proud of and happy to share. I’m truly looking forward to letting more folks hear about this transformation that is happening for you.
Well done, you, and ALL the Jill People. 🙂
Keep up the good work!
hahahah Happy belated Birthday Cathy!! We’re glad you had a great day! We just had our 30th birthday too! We did all of your list and had a very nice birthday too. There was some depression in there but we managed to not get caught in it this year.
Oliver is a sweetheart! We didn’t know you had a pug!?! The little’s say does he grunt and snort like pugs do? and does he have a funny bark like pugs do?
They’re also asking did you get a nice present? We got a pinkie pie kids bowling set and a book from our childhood and a toy gun that sprays salt and kills flies (the boys are head over heels for that one lol) and the bigger girls got the Labyrinth game! (a new board game based on the original movie, it’s like Dungeons n dragons and you play with lots of dice and cards n stuff) Our husband spoiled us. Birthdays are much better now, much safer too.
It’s a pitty you’re aging tho, we don’t. LOL Our main little told the other half she’s turning 3. (shes literally always 3 lol) It sucks to be so young in an old body but we make the best of it as i’m sure you do too. You’re still a kid at heart, we can tell :p
So glad you had a great day Happy Birthday again!