Hi DID Survivor!
I have an exciting bit of news for you today.
Some of you may have already noticed in the comments threads on the Discussing Dissociation Facebook Page that there are several different television productions about DID being written, filmed, produced at this point in time.
That’s fantastic news! Hopefully, these shows and documentaries will help teach and demonstrate more honest and realistic views about Dissociative Identity Disorder than some of the previous Hollywood productions have done. People out there need to know and understand what DID is, what it looks like, how it feels, and how to help.
I absolutely believe that it is important that we as a community supporting DID and Dissociative Disorders actively advocate for accurate portrayals about DID in the media.
It’s really good to fight back against some of those painful stereotypes, negative stigmas, and bad movies, right?!!
Besides, the more DID is understood, the more opportunities there are for creating effective treatment options, and hopefully, to help prevent the causes that create severe DID in the first place.
So yeah — let’s get more of the truth said about DID. I’m all for that.
AND……
What’s even more exciting, is that one of our very own readers here at Discussing Dissociation is actively involved in one of these new and upcoming television productions. Yep, someone who participates here has the opportunity to represent what it’s like to be DID on TV.
Yep, someone we know here could be representing YOU on TV.
WOW !!!
So…. we have a direct connection into this process.
YOU can have an some input on what happens. YOU can help !
Now, I’m not the film producer, and I’m not in control of the production — so you know… I don’t have much say about that. But here’s how you can help.
The person in our readership here has asked for your feedback as filming for her begins soon. She given me a list of questions, and would truly value hearing your opinion.
How do you want her to represent YOU?
How do you want her to represent DID?
I’m adding in this next bit.
Will you help support her as she gets ready to go out there as one of our DID spokespersons?!
An important piece to remember is that we as a community need to support and protect our DID community member who has the courage to face the world with all the layers of her dissociative realities. This is HUGE! You know the amount of system cooperation this requires. You know about the “no talk” rules that have to be broken. You know about family secrets and organizational secrets that could potentially be exposed by going public on a national television show. You know how the media can make a mess out of anything. This is a massive leap of faith that our Reader is taking.
She is so awesome and so brave for doing this!
And, she’s dedicated to her own healing, her own freedom, her own safety, and she’s strong enough to speak openly about that. She’s also dedicated to teaching about DID and to breaking down the negative stigmas. She wants the dissociative community to be represented as positively and accurately as possible.
She is willing to do what she can to help, and wow — I think that is just fantastic.
It’s a big ask — a giant big huge ask — and she’s not in control of the final edits either, but she is certainly going to do her very best to represent DID with excellence, honesty, and integrity.
We all know how the media can be vicious, and internet trolls can be vile, so gather around, bring your most generous kindness with you, find your strongest system protectors, and let’s make this site a safe and well-protected environment for one of our own.
Let’s all rally around her, and give her the very very best community support possible. What she is doing takes a LOT of courage.
Please respond in the COMMENTS below with your thoughts and feelings.
You may certainly keep your name private and anonymous, and your email will not be visible. I am happy to help remove any kind of identifying information. Let me know, via your comment, if I need to assist with this in any way.
YOUR opinion matters here. We want DID to be portrayed as accurately as possible. Please, send in your thoughts and opinions to the following questions.
If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be?
When DID was previously portrayed on television, movies, YouTube, or websites, what did you NOT like about what you saw? What offended you? What was NOT helpful?
With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently?
If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not?
What system preparation have you done prior to a really big event? Please describe what you did and how you helped your system to get ready for something that could potentially affect everyone in your system.
Tell me more about what you think about switching. Some folks are incredibly visual in their switching with voice changes and obvious differences. Other system switches are more subtle, with small indications in body movement. Should switching be hidden? Or should switching be emphasized? Should this be discussed publicly? Why or why not?
Your thoughts, comments, support, and warm wishes are highly appreciated. Let’s work on this together!
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be?
That we are not freaks of nature but a normal response to severe child abuse and neglect. We are ordinary people who grew up under extraordinary circumstances and we don’t deserve to be portrayed as murderers or superheroes.
When DID was previously portrayed on television, movies, YouTube, or websites, what did you NOT like about what you saw? What offended you? What was NOT helpful?
The people who had or claimed to have DID switched alters on camera much too quickly. It takes a long time for most multiples to be capable of switching in front of someone else. After all, the whole idea of DID is to hide not to get noticed.
With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently?
I would like to see the realities of day to day life of a multiple. The program can include some details of what caused the DID, but more information and less drama would be wonderful. If done in the right way, watchers will become fascinated by the facts. Yes, the obligatory drama must be there to get people hooked and watching, but we are people first.
If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not?
Yes, I would. I’m already out there with my story. All one needs to do is google my name, Shirley J. Davis and DID then I pop up all over the place with DID articles, books, and interviews. I’m not a bit shy about sharing my remarkable journey to healing I’ve been on for three decades.
What system preparation have you done prior to a really big event? Please describe what you did and how you helped your system to get ready for something that could potentially affect everyone in your system.
I’ve spent time on the beach, a safe place in my mind, preparing all the parts of me. Discussing what will be happening and who needs to be or need not be present helps tremendously. We (I) am not affected by sharing my story anymore as I have spoken at colleges, universities, and to the public about DID and my story many times.
Tell me more about what you think about switching. Some folks are incredibly visual in their switching with voice changes and obvious differences. Other system switches are more subtle, with small indications in body movement. Should switching be hidden? Or should switching be emphasized? Should this be discussed publicly? Why or why not?
I’m aware that some people switch easily and there are huge differences in how they look and act that are obvious to anyone who meets them. However, the majority of us are more subtle. I dissociated into an alter for ten months in 2016 and not even my therapist or my brother knew it wasn’t me. Now, three years later, my brother has begun to be adept at watching for subtle signs that Bianca or one of the others is out. He says I dress a little younger and have distinct changes in food preferences when I’m dissociated.
I think switching should be carefully included but not like in the United States of Tara or Split. In those shows the person living with DID acted radically different in front of their families and total strangers. While that may happen, it is not the norm.
Switching is only a small part of being a multiple. Discussing switching with the public is necessary yes, but it should be only a part of the symptoms emphasized in a film or tv show.
If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not?
I would love to go public, especially to be on TV! All my parts agree. It is quite adorable that the little ones want to go on the Ellen show and have Ellen talk to us and win a prize or get a gift.
But the big Julie wants to go public as the adult part that is a licensed therapist. The kid parts think she should trick them because she has LICSW after her name. Maybe I wouldn’t tell them until I am on the show because I am famous for my book on mind fitness. I want to show all the people in the medical and professional community who tried to misdiagnose me that they were wrong!!!!!
I want anyone with DID to see that they can be what they want to be after they get to know and accept their inner family. I want to tell them that any way DID is for them is OK because it shows up for all of us in different ways and we have our own way of explaining who we are!
I have a transgender part, 2 therapists, an infant, a toddler, a boy who I love, a lesbian, a troublemaker, and a bunch more. One of them even plays the banjo, one likes to speak Spanish and they have different hand writings and colors. I learned to love them all, even the one whose name is just “Mean”. They all get to come out and have a say in my life and it is fun and fabulous! The only time now that can make things difficult is if I ignore them and that is why I love “Mean”. “Mean” comes out when I am not listening inside to what they have to tell me or I am not letting anyone play or I am in danger.
I want to teach partners and family members how to talk to and love someone who has parts. Most of all, I want to work with and train therapists and psychiatrists so they don’t misdiagnose and over-medicate people. People really do have insiders and we are gifted, creative and highly intelligent. We have a lot to contribute to the world. We can live happy, healthy and amazing lives!!!!
Dearest All the Jill People aka Participating Parts…
I just read above and realized that my timing may be way off for the comment I wrote. My parts are just learning to not be afraid to sit and read… I and some of us want to read more, so we can know what is going on. Getting through graduate school was really tough! Anyway, thank you for all you did to educate people. It is so frustrating to hear about how people refuse to take us seriously! My own family is in the entertainment industry but my father can not see who I am at all. I wish you well and still hope to do a TED Talk on DID some day. At least a Utube video. I would love to talk with you. If you get this, please write back. Thanks, Julie
Thank you for your kind words, me and we.
I really don’t have much to say bad that happened during the whole filming process. I actually am looking at it as an experience most dream of . Wel.. we walked the life of being in a tv reality series and know now from a personal standpoint what actually happens behind the scenes. It wasn’t all roses and fun., it was work. Really hard work.
I learned a lot about our system and how it works. I got to meet new ones in my system that have been quite beneficial to me. 😊
I got to experience a birthday bash that all my system had been dreaming of.. and oh so much! Makeup, cameras, and a crew of strangers everywhere.., my goodness! It was quite an adventure!
No. We don’t view it as bad. We view it as something positive.. with all the education along with it that no one really talks about filming a series for television!
I FINALLY got the news that the show we participated in last year is a no go. I actually knew that a while ago but no one I asked would tell me that “officially”. I feel like we have been mislead and “used” in many ways. Mainly due to the ongoing promises that the show may somehow make it on a different network, digital program,YouTube, or other media.
I finally nailed down the the casting director and first person I spoke to. I have asked her repeatedly to just tell me. This time I demanded to be treated like an adult. Just tell me. She did. She said she wanted to do something with the show but, she really can’t. The footage belongs to A &E. I won’t even be allowed to view it. It isn’t my property either. Legally the casting director has no rights to it either. It’s a bust.
I can’t say that I’m not a tad bit disappointed. I will say that I’m glad in some ways that it never aired. Many people in the DID community (you all included) were saying that they did not want DID sensationalized. I’m sure a lot of people would have seen the show as that. A lot of on demand switching.. ect. Takes apron takes of the same scene over and over, “do it this way”. There are stories upon stories I could tell, but it might simply bore you .
There were other things I didn’t like either. We spent months waiting for an answer to whether or not the show would air. After A&E turned the show down, we were told not to give up, other networks might buy it, digital media, YouTube, Amazon. Lots of empty promises. No one wanted to give us the straight up no. It really was a long and exhausting past months waiting for the no.
The last couple of things that the casting director did personally were very disappointing. She had someone in the DID community that we know stay at her place. Then, she called us saying how this person was “crazy”, she doesn’t have DID, ect. She had bad mouthed others who participated in the show too. It left me feeling like this was meant to be this way. The final straw was when she posted something on Facebook about child abuse that had personal tags on the people on her Facebook who participated solely on on show. Wow. Ouch. There was tons more that happened and was happening in the filming process. Some of it was not fun at all. We could have really gotten hurt in filming a tv series.
I want to take a moment to thank you all for supporting us during the process and the long months of waiting and wondering. Thank you for answering my questions and helping me to know what you would like to see on tv.
It sure was a ride! I don’t regret any of it for a moment. I did something! I’m actually proud to say I participated! I thank you all for being so patient, kind, and helpful during the filming process and beyond with your thoughts and prayers. They mean so much to me.
Thank you again..
Sincerely,
All the Jill People AKA Participating Parts
Our Dear All the Jill People AKA Participating Parts,
Well, that is certainly a very disappointing end to all of your hard work and sincere devotion to trying to represent DID in an honest, realistic way to the outside world. I am so very sorry to hear that the project will not see the light of day and that you have been disrespected and led astray by the casting director. I am also disturbed to hear what they put you through in filming the project. Not nice at all.
We are so very proud of you All the Jill People for trying and sincerely indebted to you for putting yourself out there in trying to help the DID community. That was a remarkable act of compassion, wisdom and courage. And, the fact that you asked us what we thought about the representation of DID in the media, well that was just so thoughtful and helpful for us all.
In the end, we have all learned so much from this whole project. We had deep, thoughtful discussions on the topic and certainly learned a lot about ourselves, others and how we want to be seen as a DID community. That was a wonderful gift that you gave to us all All the Jill People and I am truly grateful.
With sincere appreciation and admiration (and a big hug if that is okay with you),
ME+WE
07/09/18
Wow, I didn’t know about this article on the DD blog until today. Such examples of authentic, earnest desire to be seen. Inspiring!
All the Jill People AKA Participating Parts, I admire all of you for your bravery. With the need for system cooperation to “break the silence” on so many levels, it leaves an adult person particularly vulnerable, let alone younger parts. KUDOS! You all did it!
It is sad that the casting director treated you and others so hurtful and disrespectful on social media. Her lashing out had nothing to do with you. You, All the Jill People AKA Participating Parts, absolutely did NOT deserve that! It really sounds like you did your best to follow through with integrity and commitment to educate people about the reality of living with DID. Strong, brave and honorable!
It also sounds like the production ‘dying on the shelf’ may be a blessing, as the “reality” may have been a bit ‘too directed’ and airing the show might have continued to perpetuate stigmas about DID.
I can relate to your experience, at least a little.
My mother’s illness (hoarding) was featured on a reality show that aired in 2016. When the casting director contacted me to participate in the show, I initially refused to be involved because of my DID. At that time, I was still entrenched in my “trauma-bond” with my mother and I was willing help her despite the risk of setting back my own recovery. My intent was to stay out of the story as much as possible because the episode was about my mother and her hoarding illness.
I believed I was taking a huge step toward healing, not only acknowledging my DID on national television, but also because I was intent on breaking the silence about my mother being a perpetrator of child abuse. My willingness, prompted some siblings to talk about abuse they endured and validated memories that I questioned to be true.
I clearly stated several times that my DID was not caused by my mother’s hoarding, but by her abusive behavior throughout my childhood. I was disappointed by the written episode description on aetv.com, “Her twelve children, including a daughter who developed split personality disorder to cope with the hoard, will try to get her to face her demons.”
In my individual interview, I took a deep breath and told the world “I have Dissociative Identity Disorder”, the set producer asked me for a retake, requesting to add “which used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder”. I complied. He also prompted me several times to talk about specific details regarding abuse. I declined. I worked hard to keep my integrity throughout the filming. There was a bit of take and retake, but mostly if the sound wasn’t right or the interview question they asked had not been answered. We were told the episode would air one month after filming, but it aired 7 months later. By that time, A LOT of external and internal family dynamics drastically shifted, and the show is too high risk for triggering intolerable ‘stuff’ at this time in my life, so I have not seen what aired.
I apologize if my ramble went on too much. I really do appreciate your effort to put forth a more accurate picture of living with DID. Thank you.
Sarah D.
7/11/18
Wrote this in a different area but, putting it here too!
We have just a little bit of news to share. We got notified that the network is going to have a big meeting the week of the New Year about our show. That is a “decent sign” we are told by the producer.
Hollywood isn’t cut and dry and there is a lot of waiting to know for certain the show that was filmed will even get aired on television. It most certainly is NOT just filmed then goes directly to the public to be seen.
A select few shows do make it straight from filming to broadcast. Not ours. The show still has to pass the test of the big wigs that decide whether or not it will Get aired. Yep. The show has to “sell”.
We were also told that the network likes it so far. So.. that’s all good news.
Just a heads up: Kathy Broady is just a little bit special to us. She has been one of the select few who could know everything about this project!😘 We plan on keeping you all as close to the front seat as possible. If we know something, Kathy will be one of the people first to hear about it.
We are sharing this news with you all today. 😊
Seems like a long time to wait but, the Holidays are just around the corner…,
Participating Parts,
Oh, what exciting news! I am so amazed at your courage and so thankful for all the hard work you have put into this project! And how wonderful that Kathy has been in the know and able to give you some support.
This is all very amazing and wondrous! Thank you for all your efforts on this! Woooot!
Wren
12-7-2017
If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be?
I did not choose this. It’s what my brain did in order to survive. I didn’t know I even had DID until 40 years after the first trauma. I can’t predict the future. I can’t even discern the future from the past from the present from my own imaginings. I struggle to orient myself to “reality” or “the now” because it is difficult for me to understand my inner-experience and how it relates to anything or anyone.
When DID was previously portrayed on television, movies, YouTube, or websites, what did you NOT like about what you saw? What offended you? What was NOT helpful?
I do not recall having seen DID portrayed anywhere. I am aware that movies have portrayed DID, but I would not choose to see them. I choose not to be exposed to things that will upset me. I do not even follow national or world news. I am unaware of present political battles, natural disasters, wars, terrorist attacks. I have enough drama inside my head.
With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently?
Profile real people with credibility (who have diagnosis from reputable mental health professionals). Highlight a cross-section of us. Highlight those who are able to have a public life. Give us some hope while showing the world what is possible.
If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not?
Interesting to think about. No one outside my closest family and a few friends knows. I am scared. I suffer from shame. Since I don’t leave the house much and don’t see people outside my household and therapists, what a splash it would make to tell the world via the media! Now that would be brave.
What system preparation have you done prior to a really big event? Please describe what you did and how you helped your system to get ready for something that could potentially affect everyone in your system.
I’m too new to have had this experience, I think. It has been only 3 months since I identified my system parts, and I work on the functioning 5 days per week in therapy. I have avoided big events since then.
Tell me more about what you think about switching. Some folks are incredibly visual in their switching with voice changes and obvious differences. Other system switches are more subtle, with small indications in body movement. Should switching be hidden? Or should switching be emphasized? Should this be discussed publicly? Why or why not?
Shouldn’t everything be discussed publicly? Shouldn’t I be telling people I have DID? Shame thrives on secrecy. Sunlight wilts shame. Switching was probably invisible for everyone with DID at some point because DID developed as a way to survive. It wouldn’t be much of a survival mechanism if someone with DID knew they were switching or if other people could tell they were switching; that would be like a chameleon in the wild whose skin repeatedly flashed in neon type, “Here I am!” My understanding is that because I survived the trauma but have been still using the same old survival techniques, there is now a breakdown in how I operate, which has revealed the DID and the ways we cope with stress. These ways are suited for a long time ago, when we were in grave danger. Now, I am not in danger from the causes of the trauma. I am in danger from the ways I survived. I liken it to having used a parachute to jump out of a plane 40 years ago and then expecting to use that same parachute now, 40 years later. It saved me then but now has holes in it, is worn, and–even if it does open–will likely break apart and do more harm than good.
I have seen switches in which the speaker changes gender, another has a distinct accent, another is clearly now a toddler, etc. A therapist helped me discover some of my “tells,” such as posture, gestures, volume, vocabulary, etc. I also may experience dizziness or brain fog from attempts by a part wanting to force a hostile switch.
OH WOW … how inspiring Participating Parts. Your statement: “We have had to get out.. go past our comfort zone, and DECIDE to keep working on issues that seemed impossible.” hit so to the core for me. You are indeed a brilliant light that brings hope to the darkness of my struggling self. Thank you!
We want to say something. Just because we participate in something like this doesn’t mean we don’t still have difficulties. It definitely doesn’t mean we don’t switch. It also means we are still in therapy.
We hope we bring people light and hope. We know what it’s like to feel like there is no hope, no help, and no way out of the pain.
We have found some here among many other places. Even in the darkest moments.. there has been something. We have had to remain dedicated to our healing.
stubbornly fighting against the odds, we have had to spend a lot of time seeking out great therapists. We have had to get out.. go past our comfort zone, and DECIDE to keep working on issues that seemed impossible.
We still have issues. We don’t give up easily. We are go getters.
We are working on getting a follow up with Kathy Broady soon.
Keep up with your healing journey. Each of you here reading is worth it!
You know Participating Parts … in the end, you just have to be honest and true to yourself. I know that I have been super excited about this project because you were so gracious and kind enough to ask us what we feel about how DID and how it is presented in the media (i.e, the outside world). But, the bottom line is, whatever you say and do that is true to who you are and your journey with DID will represent us brilliantly. You do not need our feedback. You know. You truly know. And, although there have been so many wonderful ideas offered here about what should and should not be presented about DID, you just being you will be perfect. You do not need us to tell you what needs to be told. And, you do not carry any burden to tell our stories. That would take many lifetimes to do. All you need to do is tell your truth. That would honour and recognize us beyond our wildest expectations.
And, to those who question you and your DID, well, I sincerely wish that I was there with you to stand by your side and tell them that they are wrong, hurtful and part of our problem living in this world that turns its back on childhood trauma.
NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT DID!
NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO QUESTION YOU ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCES WITH DID IN A NEGATIVE WAY LIKE THIS!
NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE DISRESPECTFUL OF YOU AND WHAT YOU HAVE SURVIVED AND HOW YOU HAVE SURVIVED!
I apologize for the rant and disjointed/misspelled? response here. This has triggered me into a bit of dissociative brain. I just so want you to feel Participating Parts that we are with you, support you, believe in you and so want you not to be hurt by this project. While we were giddy at the prospect of being heard, we are very mindful that we do not want this to hurt you. You have been so courageous in taking this project on. But please, take care of yourself. We want the truthful word out there but we are not willing to sacrifice our dear Participating Parts to that end.
With sincere concern, support and awe,
ME+WE
ME+WE,
Very much appreciated, thank you!
Not a rant, just the truth.
The support is super! Thank you all for sharing what you would want shown.
We must say we haven’t had this much support and positive feedback from other places.
Oh! Some very near and dear people who have gotten to know some specific details ended up slamming us saying that they didn’t think we were DID. The person also asked if we had to practice.
Practice being DID? Really? Noooooooo!!!!
We really appreciate you all so much.
If I had a chance to tell her about DID and switching, I would tell her that switching is scary. Waking up @ 4 a.m. catching a part getting back into bed or climbing out of bed. Not knowing if it’s October 1, 11th, 17th, 21, or 31st of 1979, 89, 99, 2009, 0r 2017.
It’s hard when I’m getting dressed and they don’t want to go outside. They tell me all the right reasons why I shouldn’t go outhere in that horrible world.
When a part snatches me away from me. I’m in charge, how can a part take me away from myself? I’m supposed to be stronger than any part taking possession of my body.
The best part when everyone is quite and asleep.
I think that someone just woke up. I wish that I wasn’t so afraid of this.
I would like to see things on DID about how it is to try to cope with odd things that happen to you.
Like being at college one day, and the next thing you know youre “waking up” in an airport in Florida. You dont live in Florida.
Like going to your closet and realizing none of the clothes are yours.Or finding all of your clothes thrown away, and you cant find them.
Like having to deal with the worst times of the year on your own, because no one gets how to help or theyre busy or you dont have friends in the first place.
Or what its like to find yourself driving down the road at 70mph and realzing you have NO idea how to drive, no idea how to stop, and what the hell do you do now?
Or “waking up” in the middle of the night, crying, outside, finding out you and your best friend had a fight you didnt know about, and she is no longer speaking to you- but you dont have any idea why.
Dozens and dozens of examples of things like that. Thats reality. Not going around killing people or being psychotic or things like that. Just being very confused and very alone and not having any idea how to help yourself. Mostly just knowing youre alone.
😊😘 Yes. We do see the support and such great ideas.
We have been thinking of a way to have a question answer type article to follow up. Then lots and lots of waiting.. takes a while from filming to airing something. Anything for that matter from what we understand about the television world.
Readers, what would you like done?
Kathy asking questions about the filming process? Or you all?
There are only certain questions we will be able to answer through out this. You all have been so great. We would like to answer a few along the way.
Kathy is our primary person who knows A LOT! Of course we can discuss things with professionals that we can’t the public.
So.. what would you all like to see happen? A new article, or would you all like continued responses about how this all goes down?
Winking 😉. Remember. We can’t give away too much.
Thank you all so much. Thank you Kathy again for putting our questions out.
Sincerely,
Participating Parts
Continued thanks to all of Kathy’s readers! We hope you won’t be disappointed in anything we end up being portrayed on film. We will admit that one of our fears is you all being angry or upset about how our system might somehow disappoint the DID community.
Very soon, We will be doing a question answer type of article. This will be done after the filming process is over.
Again, Keep writing. Keep reading. As always, keep working on making your system the best it can be!
Is switching obvious? Kathy Broady suggested making our own videos and then watching them for practice.
You would be surprised how much you can see in the lense of a camera or a video!
We didn’t think it really “showed”. Then we looked at pictures and videos. It was absolutely amazing!
Maybe it’s just a multiple gift. A gift that Kathy has. We know others who have the gift for telling the difference in switching.
Give it a try sometime. You might think differently.
Oh my goodness — there are SO MANY WONDERFUL RESPONSES to this topic !!!!!
I am really really impressed, and THANK YOU — everyone — for jumping in with the courage to speak up and to say what you think and feel. You’ve all had fantastic ideas, and wow — what a powerful group response of support and kindness I’m seeing here. Super well done — I’m really really happy about this.
Participating Parts — I hope you are feeling the love and the support and encouragement you are getting from your fellow DID’ers here at Discussing Dissociation. It’s been beautiful to see, and I hope we as a group, can continue to support you as you go through such a public process. I know it won’t be all bells and whistles, and there will be some very difficult days. Please know you’ve got this group of support — DID folks who are standing in the gap with you.
I want THIS place to be a home of support and kindness for you, well — for every one actually! And wow — I have to say — every single one of the people who have been responding here have been just exactly that.
Gold stars for everyone. :).
With thankfulness, and appreciation,
Kathy
I would go public, but I know that my story is almost in a category of its own, or so I assume. And so including me might unbalance the effort. But we mind control (MK) subjects really do need help as much as anyone.
I would love to talk about switching, but even though I’ve solicited feedback on my website, no one in my circle of friends, which is not small, has ever given me any. Somehow we have to help others get over their fear.
Jean,
We would love to have the conversation with you about switching! We visited your blog but can’t tell where you put the questions at?
We did read some of what you wrote. You are a wonderful artist!
I haven’t done any “system protection.” I haven’t been able to find any good counseling.
Switching feels a lot of different ways. Once I switched in front of a classroom of fellow students in a Masters of Creative Writing program, when one part of me heard another part saying something the not-out alter thought was stupid. Suddenly there was a flash of light before my eyes, and my sense of spatial dimensions around me shifted dramatically and I heard myself add a qualification to the sentence I was speaking, then turn the meaning around, with an air of hoped-for dignity. Other parts inside were astounded and curious what the rest of my classmates thought, I guess because everyone inside knew this had never happened in public like that before, and I had to look up at them sometime (I think I was talking to the air), and when I did, everyone was looking at the table before them, no one looking up, except one man directly across from me who always seemed to enjoy laughing at me. He seemed amazed himself, as if I’d just done a back-flip and landed neatly on my feet.
I would like people to understand that some DID is highly functional, that because of our fragmentation and multiplication, some of us can function at genius levels.
Further, those created intentionally by mind control programming can function with talents approaching super-human skills, for instance, super soldiers. The more common mind control subjects may be highly personable, talented and successful, and few people will ever see their alters switch.
The depiction of United States of Tara I hated, felt repulsed by, and was terrifically ashamed I’d ever described myself as a multiple personality because I do not experience those wild changes.
I know I have other alters, but they are mostly called out by controllers at night when I’m amnesic, with very few malfunctions in which I witness myself controlled by another mind I can sense inside me. Rare, but it’s a powerful experience with witnesses, indicating a larger something going on.
“If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be?”
We’re not evil. We’re not play acting. We’re real people. And we’re not at all scary.
“When DID was previously portrayed on television, movies, YouTube, or websites, what did you NOT like about what you saw? What offended you? What was NOT helpful?” I’m sick of the Jeckyl/Hyde trope in fiction. That there’s a “true” self and an evil self and that the only way to heal is to kill off the evil self. That dual view of DID really pisses me off. The proportion of actually violent alters amongst those with DID is really really low. But they only ever tell stories about evil alters, never the truth where we’re each our own person. Just ordinary not particularly interesting people in a weird situation.
“With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently?” Pity. I’m sick of seeing these DID documentaries projecting a sense of pity and brokenness onto a system. Yes, our situation is totally different from the norm and there are a lot of difficulties, but with a lot of help and practise, a system can function really well, in some cases better than singlets. With proper stabilisation, therapy, management of the PTSD issues, and really good communication, having DID can be somewhat like a superpower. We’re not all irretrievably broken, we’re not poor people who should be pitied because they’ll never know normality or never know true functionality or success in life. Yes, DID can make things bloody hard, but when we all work together as a team the most amazing things can be done. I’d love to see a perspective of power and joy on DID that’s never there in the media.
“If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not?” Hell, fricken no. We’d lose our career, we’d lose our friends, and one day in the future if we wanted to adopt we’d never be allowed to because “nutters” aren’t allowed to adopt. Maybe if it was safe and there wasn’t so much shitty misinformation we might do it, but not in the current climate of ignorance. Though, I do have an online “persona” that mostly protects my legal name from getting out there, so I can have an opinion and fight against the bullshit. So I’m trying to be as public as is safe.
“What system preparation have you done prior to a really big event? Please describe what you did and how you helped your system to get ready for something that could potentially affect everyone in your system.” Um, well, we have regular doctor and specialist appointments, and recently had a steroid jab for a joint issue. Pain and people being physically close (particularly men) trigger our kids pretty badly, so we have a very structured prep for doctors and specialists. We also look ahead of time to make a plan. Often it’s bribery with the kids. They have a room inside the head where they can stay and can’t see what’s going on outside in the real world, so we bribe them. If they stay in the room while the procedure is going on, they’re allowed one thing as a reward. The last time it was fizzy and stickers and painting time. Mostly, bribery works, particularly when we explain what’s going on, that it’s scary but it’s needed and us adults will go through it so they don’t have to. Between information, promises that they won’t be hurt, and bribery, we cover most things. We’ve also got a codeword for the friend who comes with us for those sorts of things, so if it’s said she’ll help get us out of there to a safer location.
“Tell me more about what you think about switching. Some folks are incredibly visual in their switching with voice changes and obvious differences. Other system switches are more subtle, with small indications in body movement. Should switching be hidden? Or should switching be emphasised? Should this be discussed publicly? Why or why not?”
Um… we’ve mostly got involuntary switching under control. When we get super stressed/anxious and it triggers involuntary switching we leave, we go home and do self care until it stops again. The involuntary stuff isn’t apparently noticeable to most people (so we’re ninja on the public switching), but we do get a bit of a physical judder when we do it voluntarily as a team. Most of our switching is done in the middle of the night, to a schedule that we each consent to. But there’s three of us co-hosting, so we have to work as a team to make it work and keep up with life.
I think the question about shifting being discussed in public isn’t something that has global rules for everyone. Personally, I don’t really like talking about it offline, the times we’ve been asked about it, it’s kind of been from a position where the asker is morbidly fascinated by the subject, and we don’t exist to be someone else’s entertainment. But I think others might be more comfortable talking about it, it’s a very personal subject and should be up to each system to decide for themselves.
I think it would be interesting to portray what goes on internally with DID. The inside worlds. Trying to get along with different inside people that you might like or you might hate. Learning to get along. learning to help and protect the little kids like you would outside.
I bet that most people, if they even know anything about DID, dont even realize there are inside worlds.
Jasmin
You all are bringing tears to these eyes. Thank you all for your generous comments. We have read each allied every one of them and continue to come back to this place. We are humbled.
A very special thank you to each of you who went out on a limb to tell us something personal. How very brave you ALL are.
We are so fortunate to have Kathy willing to post this here. We couldn’t have had a better place to put the questions.
Thank you Participating Parts for asking to hear our voices on the subject that is so close and personal to us and thank you, Kathy, for sharing the opportunity!
If I had the chance to share something very important t about DID, I would share how dissociation is something we all have in common but on a continuum, with DID as the most severe form. I wish people would become educated and self-aware enough to know we all have parts that hold different thoughts, feelings, and beliefs inside of us, and for some of us, those parts are autonomous, frozen in time, young and immature. This world would experience more compassion for one another if everyone understood we are all works in progress, regardless of the degree in which our respective parts expresse themselves.
I don’t see DID as a mental illness, I see it as a gift of God, providing a way of escape. It is a brilliant strategy for survival during extreme fear and duress in early childhood and as evidence of the lifelong impact of childhood abuse on every facet of a survivor’s life and relationships. People need to know the damage caused by childhood abuse and trauma. Children are considered resilient, and yet the only reason they are resilient is they have to be to survive, not because they are fine!
DID is often portrayed on TV as crazy or evil and loved ones usually react in anger rather than having curiosity at a survivor’s thoughts or behaviors. I did not like the presentation of a client’s sole reliance on talk therapy with a psychotherapist. Understanding and integrating parts and the memories they carry is long, arduous work. Talk therapy is only one avenue for healing.
I would like to see a more realistic portrayal of DID and what is involved in recovery instead of showing the vile and gratuitous actions of perpetrators. I think it would be great to see references to the importance of self-care, community support, safety, boundaries, and creative outlets.
I would go public about living with a dissociative disorder if doing so would help educate the public about the devastating, lifelong impact of childhood physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual abuse. I want those who doubt in repressed memories to hear the truth. I would like other survivors with a dissociative disorder to find hope for finding and becoming their best selves, integrated or not. My hesitation to go on a public forum would be in not feeling as “qualified” to represent DID as those with more autonomous alters.
Planning for a life-changing event with DID requires a lot of internal communication for deciding who is best to represent the system at that event and which ones will be the best support. The parts that might sabotage or feel afraid and overwhelmed during the event will need lots of reassurance, a safe place to wait, and trust in the parts which will be representing them.
Switching from one part to another is risky, especially in front of ignorant or judgmental people or those who could exploit it. I have found people tend to judge things they do not understand and fear things that could trigger insecurity or feelings of shame. An accurate expression of DID on TV can help educate people and assuage some of their fears. I hope future portrayals of DID switching is more subtle than in the typical Hollywood movie, which I think would be more realistic and respectful of those of us who must live with DID on a daily basis.
As for including a discussion about switching; a part of me is concerned because of how it will shine a light on something we are most vigilant at keeping hidden. But another part of me thinks it is a necessary component for understanding DID and may also help someone living with confusion about why they do what they do, to seek help.
Okay, I just cannot stop thinking about this project and how we have been invited to comment and all of the brilliant responses here and all of the ideas that my various insiders are screaming in my head … and, WOW … I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling The Participating Parts!
Some of my little ones kept me awake last night (well, they often do). They said that I did not say enough about how big people need to listen to little people because they know things. I think that they are talking about back then (when the abuse was going on and no one would see/hear/help) and now (me hearing them as well as those in my life as they try to tell their story). DID emanates from violence, neglect, abuse (physical, emotional, sexual), and a whole big list of potential traumas perpetrated by big people (usually although not always) on little people. That is the root of DID. And, anyone who stands by and sees a child in need and/or being traumatized in some way or does not listen to them when they try to tell their story or open their eyes to the clues that abuse is going on is a perpetrator by proxy.
Also (potential trigger alert) others have touched on suicide and flashbacks. This is a HUGE issue for me and I am sure others. It is not just a matter of my mind and life in chaos because I am dealing with voices, lost time, competing perspectives on life, a continual string of messes to deal with, etc. I have no rest from the abuse. At 62 years old, I am still a child every night when it gets dark and the shadows come out. I have flashbacks, visualizations, body memories … well, the list could go on and on I am sure if everyone explained the torment that they experience as a part of DID. Yes, I have alters that want to die because they feel hopeless and worthless, alters that want to kill or hurt other alters because they think that they are week and the reason for the abuse, alters that still feel every body pain and violation and tear at our skin to try and get the stain off, alters that just want to feel pain because if they feel pain that means that they are still alive, etc. And, I have alters that use alcohol to numb the pain and put us to sleep … others that use food and alcohol to sometimes comfort and then sometimes to punish.
There simply is no rest from DID. There is controlled chaos on our good days. But there no rest.
If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be?
I would share that there is a spectrum of dissociative disorders. Not all dissociative people are alike. Not that one’s trauma pain is worse than another’s, because we all are in pain, but I think it’s important to understand that there isn’t a box we all fit into.
When DID was previously portrayed on television, movies, YouTube, or websites, what did you NOT like about what you saw? What offended you? What was NOT helpful?
Definitely the amount of psychotic or sex-crazed behavior was NOT helpful, because it sets up a false understanding that DID is like that.
With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently?
I would like there to be a representation that DID people switch subtly and obviously. That the goal is to work together and not cohesively. I’m not sure how this would be possible to portray, but I think it would be a new way of portraying DID that is really needed.
If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not?
I don’t think I would because there are people in my life that are abusers that I’m still very connected to. They would be offended and it would be scary if they found out what I believe about them.
What system preparation have you done prior to a really big event? Please describe what you did and how you helped your system to get ready for something that could potentially affect everyone in your system.
I went to a DID and trauma conference. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really prepare very well. The best thing I did was have a support person with me. But I was super overwhelmed a lot of the time and didn’t attend most of the sessions.
Tell me more about what you think about switching. Some folks are incredibly visual in their switching with voice changes and obvious differences. Other system switches are more subtle, with small indications in body movement. Should switching be hidden? Or should switching be emphasized? Should this be discussed publicly? Why or why not?
I don’t think switching should be hidden, but maybe not made as obvious in general public. I guess I mean that in general public, it is important to have parts that are strong and able to cope with day-to-day tasks. But the younger parts, maybe don’t need to come out and take control of actions because it would be dangerous for them. I definitely think this should be discussed publicly though. This would shine a light on abuse and how it can affect people.
“Investigator “ found several filming projects that either have been done or are being advertised. Lots going on in the DID world right now.
If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be?
Probably that DID isn’t a joke. It’s painful sometimes. It’s painful a lot of the time. It’s emotionally draining. It’s physically draining and there is a lot of pain that people just don’t see.
When DID was previously portrayed on television, movies, YouTube, or websites, what did you NOT like about what you saw? What offended you? What was NOT helpful?
Well, There have been some that were good. Others that were not so good. I still think it’s all television and the folks doing a production have to sell it to someone. Maybe it’s just because I have insiders that view things just the way they are.
With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently?
Life circumstances, the fact that we live with children, family members, and other things. Real honest conversations about struggles, triumphs, and all that is involved in a multiples life.
If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not?
Probably would be hesitant but, Wow. Wonder how the limelight would effect this system? Probably would end up doing it if given the chance.
What system preparation have you done prior to a really big event? Please describe what you did and how you helped your system to get ready for something that could potentially affect everyone in your system.
Talk to my system constantly. Asking questions. Make sure that everyone wanted to do a big event. Doing practice runs. Such as going to an empty church to get ready for things that other people wanted us to be a part of.
Tell me more about what you think about switching. Some folks are incredibly visual in their switching with voice changes and obvious differences. Other system switches are more subtle, with small indications in body movement. Should switching be hidden? Or should switching be emphasized? Should this be discussed publicly? Why or why not?
Go for it! Be who ever is out! Yes. Some switching isn’t obvious to others. Some is. Seen it in person with other multiples. Wouldn’t it be great to get what ever? I think so. Because well… it is DID. There are a variety of ways that it shows or doesn’t. Boy oh boy. Even if it wasn’t obvious. Even if it is. Is this all being filmed? Just another topic that the public non DID people don’t have a clue on.
Sending support to you!
You all are so kind. There is a lot we would like to write and say but, that’s all going to wait.
We are going to do this fairly soon. It’s a lot of hurry up, this needs done, and wait. The anticipation and preparation has been enormous.
Wondering if we will still have hair when this all gets finished.
We still appreciate all the comments and wonderful thoughts. We don’t have a lot of ‘self worth ‘ and we certainly don’t believe we are any thing wonderful and magnificent. We have some work to be done in believing we can possibly do something wonderful.
This is surreal.. to say the least. We see things going on to make it real., but with Dissociation guess what?
Well.. it’s real all right.. and having to do reality checks often.
Thank you all again.
I was born on a kitchen table aided by my 18 mos old sister, our father was out running to the local tavern to find a phone. There had been 4 kids before us, mom had left them in St. Louis at a babysitters and never came back. This was aftermeeting an awol soldier at her strip show and leaving to start a new life three days later. The 4 children were in the way, she left them behind. Soon mom had my sister and 18 mos. later me. Our father was in the navy and gone to sea. Our mother was certifiably crazy left with two babies. Before 2nd baby was 9 months ( me) in a seizure I was dropped on my head in the street. During these rimes neighbors from the Irish neighbor hood of canaryville ( Chicago) tried watching out for us as best they could. After crying was heard for days in our flat, police were called. We were found with two Great Danes, and dog poop everywhere. I was found in a closed dresser drawer and I was pale, and blue and was thought to be dea…but obviously I am not. But this lead to my sister and I being put in the neighbors care. Our mother had been sent to Manteno and given a lobotomy. Two neighbors adopted my sister and I, I only found this out recently and my adoptive parents moved away and I grew up not knowing till I was 8 or 9 that I was adopted. The original woman who wanted me was turned down by the courts because of finances. So her sister adopts me and gives me to her. Some time down the road they have a fight and my adopted mother legally takes me back. To make a long story short, it doesn’t get better, I have and probably forever have had a serious dissociative disorder, it has been questioned if I was DID at different times. I have had big amnesia spells, and often felt like a passenger in the back of my own body. But through a lot of therapy I am presently pretty stable now. So was I DID, will never probably know
Not mentioned when police found us our mother had by gone for days
Exciting yes…super scary though. I’m a bundle of nerves.
Everyone here who have commented so far. Thank you so much. 🙂
I am still in contact with Kathy Broady.. and will be reading here as we try to prepare for this.
Our strength and positive thoughts and energy are with you The Participating Parts. You are “participating” for us all and I, for one (I know that there are others) are sincerely grateful for the opportunity that you have gifted to us. Just be you … you are perfect and beautiful just the way that you are.
If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be?
I would state that my behaviors resulting from DID are not for attention. It is also not intended to entertain or deceive others. I understand how difficult it is for many people to comprehend the complexity of emotional reactions in someone with DID to everyday life stresses, situations or people but at the root of it all is the traumas we have survived. I would also ask that people not assume they have the right to exploit someones disorder out of ignorance on its symptoms. If someone has disclosed they have DID to someone, that is not an invitation for criticism, unauthorized disclosure to others or behaviors/communication intended to elicit parts. DID is not a social field-test for proof to ignorant people. It is important to also teach the public about how systems are exploited by predators. It is impossible to get help if there are few people who understand the basics of dissociation.
When DID was previously portrayed on television, movies, YouTube, or websites, what did you NOT like about what you saw? What offended you? What was NOT helpful?
I stay away from shows/movies about DID. From what I see in the advertising of these films, the focus is on a system having a murderous part or a continuously imbalanced life. My goal is to heal so I do not like to see the constant portrayal of a DID system as endlessly chaotic. It feels humiliating and upsetting to see it as entertaining to others.
With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently?
Show the real pain behind each part. The emotional pain is like an ocean carrying us all on a very isolated boat. So everything that happens on that boat is directed by that pain until healing starts to lead us toward little islands of safety then eventually (hopefully) to safe land. Help people understand flashbacks which really are like a wild storm pushing that boat around which throws us into what feels like a fight for our lives. Help people know that we are very good at hiding that pain so when it comes out in the open, don’t tell us to put it away. We have the right to heal.
If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not?
It depends. I think it depends on the kindness, education and motive of the person wanting to demonstrate the reality of DID. My feeling is most only want to humiliate and exploit victims to discredit them.
What system preparation have you done prior to a really big event? Please describe what you did and how you helped your system to get ready for something that could potentially affect everyone in your system.
I have talked inside or have gone to counseling to express the need for safety/rules. I have visualized safe places, helped parts go to safe these safe places, provided comforting items/art activities and explained that we are safe in the present time. I have explained why we have to do something despite it being scary or overwhelming. This is a hard thing to do because life has been very unsafe in recent years.
Tell me more about what you think about switching. Some folks are incredibly visual in their switching with voice changes and obvious differences. Other system switches are more subtle, with small indications in body movement. Should switching be hidden? Or should switching be emphasized? Should this be discussed publicly? Why or why not?
This is a big deal to discuss because there are so many different things that can occur. There are voice changes in our system that go deeper or higher which are often with different body language such as better or worse posture/different movements, different speech patterns and different levels of assertiveness or passivity. I became aware of those indicators through recognizing the feelings of dissociation. This took a years of getting to a point I felt safe even feeling my body. That was the scariest part of knowing parts. In complete switches I am not sure what it looks like to others but often become aware that I have switched during becoming present. I will hear myself talking differently or notice I am somewhere or at a point in time I did not expect to be. I do not feel switching should be emphasized in my case because it can be exploited. If people know you are switching they might try to get to know parts against the will of the system. My opinion is that anyone with DID needs to be in a very safe place, with safe support to allow people to know what it looks like for them specifically. I have had people exploit me who knew I was switching so my feeling is that we need to educate survivors on groups/individuals that prey on DID survivors. So I suppose the emphasis on switching has to include the truth that there are people who notice, that are predators, who can victimize survivors. I think showing this to the world will make it easier to combat those predators.
Well, many good comments. To add something different I would say that I wish it could be portrayed that Diss can come from trauma that may not seem to the average person to be traumatic. I myself am not a ‘survivor’, I am just like anybody, life is hard at times. I not have alla the bad stuff like some. I am not sure what happened to cause my Diss, but I am thinking it was due to having a sib who was narcissiticPD. As a result the world rotated around her. She was my biggest influence but she gaslighted, and would say one thing, then deny etc etc. It was insanity to me. Frustrating, confusing. My parents couldn’t deal with her, and I was quiet, so they thought i was OK. So I don’t really know, but I think this was a factor in my Diss.
Also, its sometimes hard to realize that you are Diss cuz its ‘normal’ to you. And generally its all about not being noticed, so you have hidden it unknowingly from others.
Also, Diss is on a spectrum. There are variable level of intensity of the Diss, and these levels can vary according to life etc.
I was just a bit into full on DID. Now, I not so Diss anymore and its kinda sad cuz once we realized we not so bad and got along better, well, I miss those guys. Sometimes I can kinda tell ones around, but mostly I am flat boring me! I am learning to utilize resources of all somehow. I dunno, I lost so much abilities. I need them. I need the littles even. Crap.
Anyhow, maybe I write more later. I feel real scattered ATM.
I think LOTS people higher on Diss spectrum, they just don’t know it. Having Diss ADDS good stuff y’know. Diss not so bad if you got a handle on it some. It can be good.
OK, I wanna write more but I got to stop for now.
Hello, my name is Julie and I’ll speak on behalf of our system. 🙂
The one main important thing I would tell someone about DID is that it is a coping system to survive unimaginable danger and pain, whether physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual. Sometimes the coping system is completely organic, meaning it comes originally from the victim (child) all on its own, and sometimes the coping patterns are engineered by bad adult people. 🙁 I would also say it is not something we would have chosen to happen to us, but it did, now it is our reality and one we must face daily.
What we don’t like about how DID is typically portrayed is that one, we are not dangerous to outside people. Two, DID is a very real thing, it’s not all demons even though demons might play a role in what is going on. DID is not made of false memories. We hear that a lot and that highly offends us! We have concrete evidence that we (and our family members) were tampered with and we draw comfort in the fact that we are not making it up. We would definitely get along better in life if we were single-minded and we are in awe of (and dare we say it? slightly jealous of) people who are not DID. The host is now 45 and we have only known about our DID for a couple years now. We don’t like our DID but we can’t change it and we are doing our best to manage it and hopefully completely heal from it.
We would like to see no censorship, no sugar coating, no politics. If the person being interviewed was involved in SRA or mind control- there, I said it!, please don’t waffle about and say maybe it did happen, and maybe it didn’t! 🙁 That annoys us more than anything. Be real, be truthful, be honest. Also, let people know that while there are common threads in DID, every system is different. Even with three of us in our immediate family who are DID, all three of our systems are slightly different. Also, there are men with DID and they are very kind. They may have wounded and angry parts but they don’t want to hurt anyone. 🙁 Even though some of them may have parts that been created by bad people for that purpose, they would never naturally act on that. 🙁 Also most of us want to just live happy and normal lives, go to work, raise our children, love God and do things that average non DID people do. There are many of us among you, there are many of us who are either undiagnosed or misdiagnosed by psychology/psychiatry, so the actual number would probably surprise you. We blend in for the most part but we may seem a bit quirky and off.
If I didn’t have to worry about what my extended family or community thought or worry about people getting hurt because of me and what I would have to tell, I might consider telling my story publicly. As of right now, it wouldn’t be a safe thing to do publicly, for many people and for different reasons.
Before anything big happens, we pray a lot (we have a christian system) we protect the littles inside and we generally just do our best to talk to everyone and let them know what is going on and do our best to protect everyone inside and keep them safe. We actually like to plan ahead as much as possible. It’s the events that we can’t plan and prepare for that really throw us for a loop. 🙁
I think switching should be addressed and that it should be brought out that switching is not like it is in the movies and that it’s not the same for every system. I think for the filmed show, switching should be as natural and organic as possible. If the system being filmed has a certain method of switching, then that should be portrayed and not be fake.
BE YOU! BE REAL! 😉 YOU ARE REALLY BRAVE and WE THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS! (((hug hug hug))) Sorry, if your system doesn’t like hugging, but I’m a hugger! 🙂 – JULIE
Regarding d.i.d on tv.
To represent so many did survivers with a further multitude of insiders is a nearly impossible task, but to generally show the exceptional struggles and heroics of real did people is possible.
Personally I function very well. I hide and conceal any sense of hearing others or feeling altered. I live and work and feel controlled on the outside for the most part, but the chaos and panic and emotional inner turmoil, and the all too common sense of harbouring alien parts within, is there and is very much tuned in to my moods and emotional responses.
The inner conflict, shock and personal dysfunction; a struggle that has recently become part of my life and so many others is very common. I think it may be something more realistic to show how did survivors are tormented, often by trying to conseal, control and live with varying degrees of mutiplicity in a world who figure this is one step away from psychosis.
There is a scale from mild to severe that the film industry has like so many other topics and opportunities chosen to be dramatically inaccurate about. You just need to watch a couple of horror movies to know that it’s always a Catholic priest that saves the day and not a protestant pastor and likewise it’s much more entertaining to see a human being not as someone struggling quietly with their inside world but rather to see them transform into a beast, ready to rip the heart out of your average housewife.
It’s no easy task to demonstrate that dissociative people who consider suicide are real people struggling with inner parts who want and demand this action. To show that it’s not the whole person who conceive these solutions but ‘others’ is very hard indeed. Showing people losing time, being disorientated and visualizing the rampant shame that comes with all of this lack of control are common themes you may want to consider.
Good luck with this exciting opportunity. I’m sure your knowledge will give much greater clarity to the muddy pool that is dissociative identity disorder. And be gentle with the outcome. I’m sure there will have to be compromises along the way, both with your own inner world and the story that is eventually told.
Though I’m the protector of my system, I’ll speak on behalf of the host here. For starters, displaying how much can be lost, to the degree that some memories are put into an entirely different light to cover up what actually happened to the host/main/original/whoever was out; would be great. Two, it’s not always obvious when there’s a switch, and sometimes family members don’t even notice. Concealment is usually key. And it’s easy to convince yourself that it’s everything but DID, because the denial is so strong. Or that there’s no abuse, which is made even easier because you have no memory of it happening. All you know is that there’s something wrong, something that almost makes you flinch every time (in our case) that someone jokes that you’re in trouble when someone calls for you. The terror of feeling unloved, that everyone will leave, having nightmares about being abandoned but never knowing why. Seeing alters in your dreams, only to find out that the reason that you saw them was them trying to take those memories from you, but thinking they were demons/ghosts/some supernatural entity.
Basically, showing the utter terror that comes with not knowing, yet feeling the need to hide something at the same time.
Yes! Yes, Yes, YES! The denial is so strong. It’s crazy making sometimes, because on one day the insiders come out and tell their story and it’s all so believable, but the next day, it all gets denied and blamed and belittled! Secrecy was the key to survival, so of course we hide – we hide everything from ourselves! There are so many people inside carrying secrets and working so hard to keep them all from you – you! And yet, now that almost all of the abusers are dead, they want to finally unburden themselves and even shout their stories from the rooftops, but then there are the consequences. What bad, awful terrible things would happen if you tell anyone? It’s awful to have survived from so much hell, but not know what it is that you actually survived from!!
we want some one to show what its like to be a kid and have DID.
how scary it is.
like to know you be diffrent from all you friends but you dont know why.
like to be terified all the time.
not under stand why its monday and then all a sudden its saturday.
and be 6 years old and too scared to go to bed at night. and cant go to slumber parties cuz you dont want you friends to no you wake up screaming from night mers every night. and you dont no why you hear voises.
and you dont no why you be scared to go home or to church becuse you love you house and you church.
and why you cry that you want to go home but you be at home when you be crying that.
and be 8 years old and think you must be crazy.
and why you shake so hard for no reason
and why you feel electrisity in you body
we dont ever really talk about it even with are talker lady becuse it was so offul and it would make us cry and we dont suppost to cry
we wish some one would show all that
Hi!
First of all, I have to establish that I am a screenwriter and director myself, but not a psychiatrist. I am in no way qualified to diagnose or treat mental illness of any kind, and what I know of the subject is strictly on an individual research basis – I also do not have DID. That said, I have been researching dissociative disorders, specifically Dissociative Identity Disorder, for nearly five years with the intention of writing the most realistic story possible. I think I have a grasp on the narrative of this particular mental illness beyond the average person, especially in relation to its portrayal in film.
Filmmakers have used DID as a justification for the actions of serial killers and monsters in film forever, and the trope is worn out.
Imagine you are a person diagnosed with DID. Statistically speaking, you were likely repeatedly traumatized as a young child by someone you trusted, and got the diagnosis after years of mental torment. As a child, you subconsciously created multiple “selves” to protect your then fragile and disrupted mind. As a result, many of your selves are not only incredibly damaged, but hard to explain or verify to others because you created them when you were three or four years old, so how could they make sense to any reasonable adult? Hell, some people think you made your disorder up entirely for attention. Despite all this, you decide to go see “Split,” for example, and realize that, assuming you’ve never seen “Psycho” or “The Three Faces of Eve” or “Sybil,” the world incorrectly perceives you as a freak-show. When in reality, it takes incredible strength and bravery to survive trauma.
The media has a bad habit of manufacturing fear of the mentally ill. The truth is that people with DID need love and understanding, and any other approach is lazy. Now, I hope you don’t feel that this is accusatory – I don’t hold the actions of other filmmakers against you.
So many of the commenters here have given incredible suggestions. What I have to add is from the perspective of someone familiar with the filmmaking process. I recommend reading The Journal for Trauma and Dissociation prior to going into production, just to know – but in terms of character: write what you know. As with any character, start with the specifics upbringing/backstory. Focus on the character’s experiences over the common symptoms. It’s easy to say, “Most people with DID would respond to the situation in X number of ways” but better to acknowledge that the character’s experiences are not everyone’s, but their own. You have to tell *their* stories first. If it comes from authenticity and understanding, it will translate to audiences as such.
I wish you the best of luck with this project. It is so imperative that the voices of this vibrant and vastly intelligent community are heard. I applaud your dedication to realism and mental health awareness.
Hey — just me posting another comment written by a DID survivor. I’m doing the posting, but I don’t get to claim the writing. 🙂
Glad to see everyone contribute in ways they feel comfortable sharing!! 🙂
I would like it to be known that we are not demon possessed, but that dissociation is a gift of God to help us survive emotionally from extensive sexual, physical, emotional, psychological trauma at a very young age.
Not all of us have dramatic switches. I think mine are more subtle. What I have are gaps in memory….things missing…..change in handwriting….
I am new to DID. I’m still learning….and coming out of denial. Denial is a very strong coping mechanism to “cover up” our DID.
I know I have a lot of “littles”…and I had a personality that wanted me dead….on two occasions I tried to commit suicide.
I am 64 and have just been diagnosed w/DID; even though a psychologist marriage counselor diagnosed me in our first session 25 years ago.
Would I be willing to go on TV? If it would serve to help educate the public and especially the Church about the reality of DID. Even my other psychiatrists, counselors all these years didn’t diagnose me! Even my psych. med. nurse blew off my diagnosis by my present counselor…..
This is a very new path for me…..
From a Christian point of view, the purpose of counseling is to bring the alters to Jesus so there can be integration. I am with a Christian therapist.
DID is not always this drastic change of easily recognizable switches.
We suffer from depression….and we suffer from knowing something is just not right….we just don’t know how to “find” the “it” that is often hiding in the shadows.
If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be?
That we are all different, not to be feared, and lead mostly normal lives. And I’d like to tell those with DID that integration is a natural process, not to be feared.
When DID was previously portrayed on TV, what did you NOT like about it?
That they were portrayed as insane killers trying to evade punishment.
With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently?
Show more normality, everyday struggles and not focus on the dramatic, bizarre.
Live transparently.
If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media?
Yes Why or why not? I’ve already gone public online and in books to help others. The only way to get rid of the stigma is to show others that it is nothing to be ashamed about.
What system preparation have you done prior to a really big, potential life-changing event?
System meetings inside, and journaling and art to explore alter’s feelings.
What do you think about switching from part to part, and how should this be displayed?
Naturally, not triggered.
Oh, you all are so great. Thank you all for the responses.
We hope you all realize we can’t give away spoilers. Right?
We even had to put a mums the word on Kathy.
We keep seeing circus and we truly have to laugh….. show business is certainly nothing but a circus. All the preparation, the running around, we are exhausted!!!!! Ohhh.. my. Lots going on in the sidelines. Gesh you would probably think it looked like a circus right now… lol!
We will need a long winters nap before we are finished… whew!
Learning a LOT about show business and how things work. We can’t wait until we can tell you all more.
As soon as we can, we will be in touch with Kathy Broady to let you all know a bit more. At least telling you all what the experience was like being filmed as a multiple. We would love to do that.
We won’t be able to give out details..but we most certainly can share a little bit of our ride.
Thank you all again!
You ROCK The Participating Parts. You are our hero BIG TIME. Oh my … my insiders are SO excited about what you are doing. I cannot imagine what it is like to speak your truth so publicly. Oh WOW … we are being heard and spoken about by someone who knows … who really, really knows. Do you know how incredibly uplifting that is for us all (and by US I mean ALL OF US)?! It just gives us such hope! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
My first thought was “We are not freaks, we are not dangerous, we are not be be feared.” I hate what I’ve seen portrayed in the media! It’s all so sensationalized and SO off the mark! I think The Participating Part is extremely brave for being willing to do this. I’m proud of you! As far as my different parts coming out in front of others, I rarely let this happen. When I’m with my therapist, many times I can’t stop my switching from happening because the topics are so traumatic. I’ve dissociated with only ONE close friend one or two times and we’ve been friends for over 20 years. She’s also a therapist herself. It’s very obvious when I dissociate in my therapist’s office. I’ve come a long way. For a long time I wasn’t dissociating at all in therapy, but lately I have been because my therapist is retiring in June 2018 and we’ve been talking about it. It’s SO hard because my last one I lost to a sudden serious illness. Well, I digress! I hope my comments help!
Hi The Participating Parts!
Congratulations on what you are doing – it’s so important to show people that we’re not, as others have already said, circus freaks or crazy murderers. So, to your questions:
The most important thing(s) about DID for those who know nothing about it are that it’s a normal response to more extreme experiences. We’re not freaks for being this way. Also that there is no one right way to ‘be DID’ or to behave if you have DID. Most of us don’t ‘flagrantly switch’ in public.
O – in movies or on TV – the things that are always most disturbing are the sensationalising of the switching and the parts – showing child parts ‘coming out’ as so usually they hide from people! Also the sensationalising of the extremes of what parts are like and extreme behaviour toward others. Again, most people hide their different parts from others they don’t know and truly trust. It’s always been really upsetting for us to see DID sensationalised and people shown as if they are ‘crazy’ or dangerous. The reality is more one of always trying to hide how different parts are from other people. Also, how tough life is when you don’t have control over who does what and why.
If we had the chance to go public, well, we have had the chance and have been on national radio re having DID. This worked pretty well – we were very selective re the program we agreed to go on and trusted that this one would do it well. They did. That interview and also an article from it is still on the net. We have also had an opportunity to go on TV but we didn’t agree to that one. the main reason for that is that now we are working again in a job where we actually work with clients and it would not be appropriate for them to know so much about us. it was OK when it was only our voice on radio and only our first name but on TV it would be too obvious it was me. It could interfere with my ability to do my job if my clients saw it.
System preparation was really not much different to the preparation we did every day for everyday events. Spend time making sure that those who needed to be away in their safe places inside were safely where they needed to be, make sure we had all security objects that each part needed to have close to feel OK, make sure that everyone was agreed on what were the best things to wear for everyone to feel safe enough overall.
Tell me more about what you think about switching. Some folks are incredibly visual in their switching with voice changes and obvious differences. Other system switches are more subtle, with small indications in body movement. Should switching be hidden? Or should switching be emphasized? Should this be discussed publicly? Why or why not?
Switching is a personal thing. Each system of parts will have their own needs and ways to switch and each part may switch in their own ways too. Some of our parts switched in really subtle ways while for others it was like blacking out and fainting and the whole body would pretty well faint with them leaving too, before another part turned up. So, I don’t believe there is any “should” about any of it. Just as there is no one way to ‘be DID’, there is no one right way to switch, or to talk about switching. For some people the need to hide that they have parts is so intense (like it was for us), that they will absolutely hide that they switch. To show switches can be terrifying to the system as a whole. Others don’t care. It’s not OK to expect anyone to manage things in ways that suit others, not themselves.
And, guess I should add here that “I” no longer have parts. It took a hell of a long time in therapy but, in the end, our parts just gently seemed to fade out. So, in some ways I’m a little on the outer here now but, even though it’s been a couple of years now, nothing will ever take away the fact that we were many for most of our life.
Wishing you all the best, and good luck with your media appearance.
Hey y’all — I’m gonna post a new comment that came in a different way, written by a DID survivor, not me. While maintaining privacy but also showing an immediate willingness to contribute, here’s someone else’s thoughts:
From an awesome DID Survivor:
If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be? This is a creative, spiritual way to deal with trauma growing up and as an adult. It is a gift from the Gods and Goddesses that allowed us to survive!
When DID was previously portrayed on TV, what did you NOT like about it? I have not seen DID portrayed on tv.
With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently? I would like people with DID to be portrayed as highly intelligent individuals.
If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not? At this point in time, I would go public about my disorder, but for my own protection, would remain anonymous as my abusers are still alive.
What system preparation have you done prior to a really big, potential life-changing event? I don’t prepare. I just let my parts come in and out as they wish!
What do you think about switching from part to part, and how should this be displayed? People should be let known that they often won’t see a switch, at least in my case, because the parts all know that they are supposed to be Maria to the public.
We are going to answer this as a system!
-If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be? For us one of the most important things for others to know about DID is that it is not your typical mental illness, someone abused us so much that they practically made us this way– this isn’t just something like depression where it is just chemicals that need balancing a little bit of talk therapy to fix. This is because of extreme abuse that our mind couldn’t survive in any other way.
-When DID was previously portrayed on television, movies, YouTube, or websites, what did you NOT like about what you saw? What offended you? What was NOT helpful? The biggest thing is probably something a lot of people have mentioned already which is that people with DID have been portrayed as psychopaths, killers, and generally all around scary people who want to harm others. Of course there are exceptions to every rule but generally people with DID, even those who have violent or angry alters, aren’t out to get anyone. Any violence is actually turned inward on the system or the body. Something we saw the other day as well is someone trying to claim that DID is not a disorder. It is. Some systems can function better than others but at the end of the day it is still a disorder and is something that we shouldn’t have had to do in order to survive our childhood.
-With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently? We personally would like to see the different kinds of alters, how they can come about, their strengths and weaknesses, their hopes and dreams, how they fit in or don’t with the system and society, etc. We’d like to see a real focus on the alters as real people and their struggles to be themselves when they are all trapped inside one body that generally doesn’t look like them. Especially the fictives, the opposite gendered, and the younger alters. Also a look at hosts and how hard it is for them sometimes.
-If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not? YES. All of us would definitely go public because truth about this disorder needs to be spread and spread quickly and widely! Multiples need more allies, we need people to understand as much as they can, and we need to be known! The more people who know about this, who know that this is what can happen from severe trauma in childhood, who know that this is REAL, that we aren’t faking, the better things can be and maybe the sooner multiples can have a place in the world as themselves instead of having to fake it and hide. We already have a blog on Tumblr that we use to communicate with the world although we don’t identify exactly who we are on there just yet. But yes. Wholeheartedly yes, we would definitely come out and talk, all of us.
-What system preparation have you done prior to a really big event? Please describe what you did and how you helped your system to get ready for something that could potentially affect everyone in your system? We usually go over different scenarios, try to plan for different things happening, things like that. We plan who is going to front and when, depending on how long the event is, and then everyone comes to an agreement about what’s going to be said and done and what to do if something happens that we haven’t prepared for. It takes a lot of effort but when big things happen we are (usually) pretty good about working together.
-Tell me more about what you think about switching. Some folks are incredibly visual in their switching with voice changes and obvious differences. Other system switches are more subtle, with small indications in body movement. Should switching be hidden? Or should switching be emphasized? Should this be discussed publicly? Why or why not? Switching, just like everything else that any alter does in a system, should be completely up to each individual alter. We don’t think that it’s anybody’s business to tell anyone, regardless of if they’re an alter or a singlet, what they should or shouldn’t do and when it’s something as personal as switching then that’s an even bigger reason to let the alters themselves decide. Alters are their own people and so they have different preferences and opinions. Personally for us, most of us like to be recognized as ourselves so we like to make obvious differences when we switch. There are some times when some of us don’t want to though and that’s our prerogative. But at the end of the day we don’t think anyone has any right to tell any alter if they should emphasize their switching or not.
Thank you for reaching out and asking for our opinions!
If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be?
We are not crazy. We are not making this up. Our brains did what it needed to do to survive our traumatic childhoods. It is actually quite amazing if people would take time to understand us instead of judge us.
When DID was previously portrayed on television, movies, YouTube, or websites, what did you NOT like about what you saw? What offended you? What was NOT helpful?
We are not dangerous and/or violent. We are also not super human. We are human beings just like everyone else.
With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently?
I would love to teach people more about why we have DID instead of always showing the overly dramatic sides of the disorder.
If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not?
Yes! I want to teach people about DID is really all about.
What system preparation have you done prior to a really big event? Please describe what you did and how you helped your system to get ready for something that could potentially affect everyone in your system.
I talk to my system and tell them about the event. I ask my stronger, more confident alters to come forward to help me out.
Tell me more about what you think about switching. Some folks are incredibly visual in their switching with voice changes and obvious differences. Other system switches are more subtle, with small indications in body movement. Should switching be hidden? Or should switching be emphasized? Should this be discussed publicly? Why or why not?
I think this is very important. Most people with DID do not have big, noticeable switches. I am somewhat like you. I am mostly co-conscious but when my alter switch or come forward most people never notice. Only people who know me really well can tell. Depending on the alter my facial expressions may change, my tone of voice may change (very little), my body language changes and the most noticeable is the way I say things. DID developed to help us survive our traumatic childhoods. At least for me, if I were to have had these big, dramatic, noticeable switches like most people expect my life would have been in danger. This is why I think it is important to teach people why we developed DID. I think it would help people to understand more.
Thank you for your comments.
We certainly appreciate all of you who are commenting. We aren’t in charge of editing at all so, who knows what it will look like.
OMG … You are our light The Participating Parts. Why did I not get that the first time that I read the postings here. ARGH!!! Okay … that is another issue — not feeling in control of our minds and our memories (because we are not). It is so crazy making and so like a three right circus! You know what really make me nuts, hearing the next day from my husband that we had an argument the night before and I cannot remember any of it. I cannot defend myself or my perspective because I cannot remember what happened. Okay … maybe a silly example but it is the not knowing, waking up to a life you have not lived fully, dealing with the consequences of what went on when someone else was in control, cleaning up the messes, trying to find out what you did, where you went, who you were with, etc. It is like someone reaches in and snatches chunks of your life away from you. You start to understand that it is your alters and there is a reason for the loss of time but it is a life that continually stutters, is forever broken and disjoined, is a lost storehouse of memories that you do not get to own — a life that does not feel the peace of being whole. My humble regard The Participating Parts.
I vote for no more fucking circus freaks, no more serieal killers, and no more .”helpless victim ny day, sex siren out on the town by night.”
No more “oh my god”lightbulb moments in a therapy session where ONE single damn trauma is suddenly remembered, revealed, relieved, and then WOW the magic fucking therapist has cured you, and now life goes on happily ever after. doesnt work that wy.
No more people crying pitifully BUT I DONT WANNA BE LIKE SYBIL!! as though sybil is the be all and end all of DID.
no more perfect damn therapists. therapist are not fucling perfect. they dont rid in on a white horse and save your ass. they dont say a few magic words and make the poor helpless victim all better. you have to work your own damn butt off for it.
Dont know what it looks like when i switch. i dont pay attention. i get pulled down a long tunnel and wham, then its two days later.
before a big event, we have to go on lockdown inside. its a big freaking deal and takes hours or days or weeks to do. we are doing it now for something that wont happen until Thanksgiving.
Missy
Right on the money Missy! I really appreciate how you have summed up the issues, frustrations and realities of DID. Your blunt honesty made me laugh and then the stinging reality of what you have said made me cry. Great response. Say, good luck with the Thanksgiving thing. I am Canadian so I have just been there (we celebrated Thanksgiving last weekend). I would really like to know how folks deal with these situations (thinking ahead to Christmas … argh!) but know this needs to be addressed elsewhere (note to self to go looking through Kathy’s postings).
Oh wow … first of all, to our community member who has courageously consented to discussing DID out there, in public, my sincere gratitude and admiration. That is an awesome gift that you are giving to us all with DID. I hope that you feel our utmost support and respect for what you are doing. Whatever we can do to help and support you on this journey, please ask (through Kathy if need be). We have your back!!!
As for the questions that you have asked Kathy, I think that Sky and Caden have covered my thoughts and concerns spot on. A few comments from me here.
How do you want her to represent YOU?
How do you want her to represent DID?
– Honestly. Just tell your truth in all of its dimensions.
If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be?
– It is real. It is more common than the general public thinks. We are not freaks. We are just everyday people that you pass on the street, check you out at the grocery store, teach your kids, heal your wounds, befriend you … we are just ordinary folks who found a creative way to survive the unsurvivable as children. We did not choose to be DID. We are survivors.
When DID was previously portrayed on television, movies, YouTube, or websites, what did you NOT like about what you saw? What offended you? What was NOT helpful?
– The emphasis on the outrageous. We do not all go about switching from this alter to the next in screaming fits of terror or murderous outbursts of anger. That is so insulting and hurtful to see. We are not some freak show act. To show DID that way is a disturbing distortion of what DID is and leads to a lot of the misinformed reactions that we have to deal with in the real world.
With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently?
– I agree with Sky and Caden here. DID needs to be portrayed as ordinary people who have to deal with a very extraordinary way of living. The root causes of DID needs to be expressed plainly and bluntly … no watering down why folks develop alters in the first place. That is the real drama in our stories! But, it is important to point out that everyone is different, every system is different, everyone’s struggles are different, etc. While we share a lot of commonalities, there is no one size fits all here. Awareness is necessary to the causes and the outcomes of childhood trauma. Then, the ongoing trauma that we live with in our daily lives as we learn to live with alters and the lives that they lead with or without our knowledge.
If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not?
– Oh my … that is a hard one. I would like to say yes but probably not, at least not right now. I do not feel that I would have the courage to do so. And, like Caden, some of the secrets have to remain so until some of the players are gone. This used to be for our protection (i.e., until the perpetrators were dead). Now, I wish to protect some of the innocent, non-knowing participants. I do not want to be responsible for collateral damage.
What system preparation have you done prior to a really big event? Please describe what you did and how you helped your system to get ready for something that could potentially affect everyone in your system.
– Well, my purse is full of stuff that my little ones want with us all of the time (in case they need soothing)! Like Sky and Caden, I think that trying to prepare for various scenarios is key for me. So, I try and have strategies to deal with situations so they will not be triggering or, at least, too triggering. I have also worked through mediation to communicate with my insiders. Here I have created a safe place for my little ones (a fort made out of sheets with pillows, blankets specific to each one, stuffed animals, etc.). When I have to go into a situation that I know will be triggering for them (as was the case this week when I had some minor surgery), I ask them to please go into the safe place and wait for me there. I also ask for help from two of my more helper insiders and sometimes I even ask one of them to take over for me (because I know that she is calm and emotionless and will handle things well). Then, I always thank my insiders for their cooperation and I reward them somehow. Some times that is doing something fun that they like, or shopping at the Dollar Store (where they cannot bankrupt me) or buying them an ice cream cone, whatever they want (within reason of course). Something to show my appreciation for their help and cooperation. I am not saying that this always works, and certainly I can be blindsided at the most seemingly innocent moments, but I try to build cooperation as best I can so we all have a protocol to follow if things get tough. Okay … this is really a big work in progress!
Tell me more about what you think about switching. Some folks are incredibly visual in their switching with voice changes and obvious differences. Other system switches are more subtle, with small indications in body movement. Should switching be hidden? Or should switching be emphasized? Should this be discussed publicly? Why or why not?
– Well, switching is our reality but it is different for everyone from what I have read of other people’s experiences. Again, one size does not fit all here. So, while switching is important to acknowledge and discuss, it is also important to note that it is not the same for everyone. And, from what I have read, only 6% of folks with DID switch and present overtly like in the movies. My switches are more subtle in that my alters are shy and secretive so they will come out fronting as me (the host) but not too much as themselves. So, it appears that I am speaking but what is coming out of my mouth is decidedly not from me. My husband says that he notices changes in my demeanour and voice and habits. Nothing huge but in ways that he would notice because he knows me so well. There are times of big stress or triggers where it is more obvious. Friends have told me that they noticed differences in me as well in how I talk and present myself. Again, nothing dramatic but decidedly notable. I do switch more overtly now with a few folks (husband, T and a couple of friends). Here I do present myself very differently apparently as I discuss and work through my childhood trauma. I am not aware at all of what I say or do so I am saying this based on the observations of others. Now, I have worked on getting my insiders to let me watch which I do in a very disjointed way. So, I do have a bit of a sense of how I present as the various insiders. I have also learned some of the physical clues that my insiders give to me when they are active and pushing to come out.
I hope that this helps. I would be happy to talk more about this if there are other questions or if something that I have said needs clarification or elaboration. Thank you for the opportunity to offer my thoughts on these topics. And, again to our community member who is going to discuss DID for everyone, my sincere gratitude.
Me+We – thank you for your post. Again, hearing someone else talk about their experience with switching helps me so much! I am in the beginning stages – I don’t know all of my insiders – i get new names all the time, which I think is them messing with me. I don’t have a solid connection with them and we don’t have any group rules that actually stick, so I just feel like I’m winging it most of the time. I’m not even sure that this is real sometimes. It feels like you all have your stuff so much more together than me. but, I know I’m in the beginning stages and am trying to figure this all out right now. Again, thank you so much.
Hi Laura. Trust me, ME+WE (I actually typed WE+ME first and corrected myself … hum …) are not all that together we just have been at it a little longer than you have. You are just starting and it is SO confusing at first. Well, at least I found it that way. It can feel very unreal, confusing, muddled, out of control, scary, on the edge of the abyss. I have just spoken of the things that I have just managed to get reasonably sorted after three and a half years of daily work on my stuff. I have a long way to go too trust me and have serious set backs all of the time. But, that is what is great here. We can learn from one another what the heck it is that we are going through and maybe a few strategies that can help. Everyone is different so you have to just be kind and patient with yourself and your insiders. It is all about little steps, a lot of work and trying to keep positive so you do not get dragged down into the rabbit’s hole of despair. I know that this is not all on topic of this posting but, in a way, it is. DID can be very lonely and very confusing. We need to support each other in any way that we can.
Sky,
Thank you so much for replying.
Well.. we certainly can not be all of you. Only you can do that. Lol.
We can’t say that it isn’t a “circus show “. My goodness. If you all knew what it takes to do this!!!!! It most certainly FEELS like a circus. A bunch of running around, getting ready for things, short notice changes. It’s taking a lot of energy and we haven’t started filming yet!!!!
Thank you for the reply and your support.
Stay tuned to Discussing Dissociation..
If you had the chance to tell a lot of people something very important about DID, what would it be?
– It is not as dramatic as portrayed on tv. We are not psychotic. We are not murderers. We are just teachers, and librarians, and mothers, and factory workers, etc, trying to make a regular life. i am not psychotic. I am not crazy. I have a lot of good days. I have friends.
When DID was previously portrayed on television, movies, YouTube, or websites, what did you NOT like about what you saw? What offended you? What was NOT helpful?
– do not lile the drama. Offended by being portrayed as crazy. Not helpful to see a bunch of misrepresentations. Offended by people who clearly dont know the facts about DID. If someone wants to portray DID in the media, they need to read Kathys blog and find out what we are really like.
With this new opportunity to show DID on TV, what would you like to see done differently?
– would like to show how regular everyday stuff is a struggle. I agree with everything that Sky wrote. Show how hard it is to compromise when you have a large system. Show what its like on inside worlds. Show the struggle to communicate and get along sith 5 or 15 or 25 + people inside who are very different from you. The challenges of working together.
If you had the chance, would you go public to the world as DID via television and the media? Why or why not? If all my family was gone, I would. But my family. the whole entire family, CANNOT find out, ever.
What system preparation have you done prior to a really big event? Please describe what you did and how you helped your system to get ready for something that could potentially affect everyone in your system.
– mentally and emotionally prepare the kids. Make plans for what to do in case of any scenario under the sun happening. Make safety plans. Lecture the kids on staying inside and not coming out when we are in public. Lots of reassurance that everything will be ok.
Tell me more about what you think about switching. Some folks are incredibly visual in their switching with voice changes and obvious differences. Other system switches are more subtle, with small indications in body movement. Should switching be hidden? Or should switching be emphasized? Should this be discussed publicly? Why or why not?
– I am not sure what it looks like when we switch. I think we just shake our head. Or close our eyes for a second. It depends on who is switching to who. I think our therapist could answer this question better since she sees us from the outside.
I think switching should just be shown realistically- that its different for different people. It isnt good or bad. It just is. I think media has made it very dramatic, but it doesnt need to be that way.
Caden,
Thank you for your reply as well.
Not sure how we can portray the inside world as it is inside and the folks on the outside world can’t see it. Each individual with DID has a unique world inside. Right?
Drama? Oh, gosh! We know! But Gesh! Our lives are most certainly dramatic when shown on a camera.. we are pretty sure about that.
Crazy? Well.. we normally say we know we are crazy. That’s the people on the outside trying to drag us down. We just aren’t going to allow that to happen. Personally we don’t feel like anyone who has DID is crazy.
We definitely read Kathy Broady blog😍😍😍😍😍😘😘😘😘😘😘
Thank you also for your support!
She is so brave. I couldn’t do that. But if I could, I would tell people that
•its not a circus show. Its actually my life.
•when did is on tv/films, its always dramatic and the person is usually made out to be some kind of psychopath. I’m not a murderer or some kind of nasty weirdo, or an attention seeking hysteric.
•we would like to show the reality – the logistics of trying to get dressed, go out. Packing your bag then popping to the loo and coming back to find it empty. Finding self harm somebody did but you don’t remember and no one is telling. The losses, time, possessions, continuity. The confusion when nobody is cooperating or communicating. Dealing with memories and pain that aren’t your own. Waking up ‘sharing a shell’ with someone. Forgetting how to do stuff because most headspace is going to someone who can’t do those things.
•to go out to something important, persuade the kids to stay in and quiet – if you stay back and watch today, then tomorrow you can……. Trying to chose clothes that please everyone well in advance (pink for x, soft for y, boots for z, trousers for w, something girly for k, something tough for c etc). Packing small things that comfort those that need it – cooperation means that some items are now shared – can travel a bit lighter. Plan the route and draw a map, my best helper in those situations is about 8 and can’t read too well. Pray to whatever gods will listen.
•switching for us is not obvious. Even my partner just thinks I’m ‘a bit weird sometimes’. Its something I have to hide. Part of the rules. It rarely happens unless I’m totally alone. I’m terrified it will happen infront of someone else, even my T. makes me feel so out of control of myself. I guess we are quite co-con now, but I push them aside as we have no real safe place. The only safe place is alone and I have partner + 2 children. Its exhausting and such a strain. Sometimes I think Im dying from the inside out.
A long time ago when everything was out of control I was diagnosed as psychotic. I tried to explain, but got put on horrid meds and told “you’re intelligent, you know the voices aren’t real don’t you” more of a warning statement than a question, and I learned to keep my mouth shut. Which is just what my abuser wanted too.
(Kathy, Rabbit wants to know if you will do another story video? I won’t get peace if I don’t ask….. Sometimes I wonder if you realise how much they mean)
Thank you for this post. Switching is not obvious for us either. I keep thinking that I don’t really have DID for that reason. I know about the rules and only feeling safe to switch when we are totally alone. Thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone in this.