Hello!
This post has been written by Laura, the Email Consultant here at Discussing Dissociation. She’s new here, and I’ve asked her to write some answers to the kinds of questions we might expect people to ask.
HOWEVER, I am sure you will have a question of your own that has not been covered in the list of questions below.
Remember those articles about interviewing a new therapist ??
Well…. this is your chance to practice those skills!
What questions do YOU want to ask Laura ?
Hi, I’m Laura.
In my experience, people with DID usually have a few Big Questions when getting to know a therapist for the first time. This post will try to answer a few of those questions from my perspective.
Do you believe that DID exists?
Unequivocally yes. I have seen it. I believe in its existence, and I believe in the experiences that can create it.
There are so many different attitudes that you can meet up with in the therapeutic community regarding dissociative disorders in general and DID in particular, ranging from skepticism to dismissal to outright rejection of the disorder. You are right to be wary of how a new therapist might react to the idea of DID.
You can feel free to check this out about me, but I can assure you that I believe wholeheartedly in the existence and validity of DID.
Do you support integration as a goal in therapy?
As a specific goal, no I don’t. If this is something an individual feels strongly that they must work toward, then we can talk about that, but my personal opinion about integration is that it’s not the ideal target for therapeutic work, and it is frankly disrespectful as a starting point.
However large or small a system is, it is made up of many different stories that need to be heard. The individual members of your system need to be understood from where they are right now, and that is where I prefer to start. Simply there.
I believe that this kind of foundational work with your internal system is the first and most critical task of therapy.
Getting to know your system and getting your system members working together will reduce confusion and distress. It will promote self-soothing. It will explain and ultimately reduce lost time. It will help to introduce calm and stability where things felt chaotic and out of control.
Those are often the goals that people want to accomplish when they begin therapy, and they don’t require integration to get there.
In my experience, integrations both small and large can sometimes happen spontaneously over the course of healing work. There is nothing wrong with this. Integration should not be forcibly prevented any more than it should be forcibly attained.
However, if system members feel strongly about desiring to remain separate, there is no reason to push them toward integration.
What is more important is that your system is working cooperatively together. As long as this is happening, the individual parts of the system can be as separate or as merged as they prefer to be.
You say you work with mind control issues. How do you know anything about that? How do you know anything about DID at all?
I have not been where you have been. I haven’t experienced it myself. And even if I had, I could not know what your experience has been. Each individual’s internalized experience will be different, even if the experience itself is identical.
But I have listened and shared in the stories of a lot of people who have been there. Not as many as Kathy has! She’s been at this longer than I have. 🙂 But I have known Kathy for about twelve or thirteen years now, and I’ve had the opportunity to share a little of the work she has done in that time.
Even though each individual is different, there are recognizable patterns to how DID systems develop and how they work. They are not always a perfect match to every system, but they serve as a template and a starting point both for me and for the people with whom I work.
In the end, I know what I know about each person because we have talked about it and learned about it together. I know what the issues are for them, how they are the same as the general template and how they are different.
I listen and I learn, we study the templates and figure out how or if it applies, and we work out the puzzle together.
Can an email consultation really help me?
It can. Obviously it will not be the same as long-term therapy. I will not have the chance to get to know you the way I would if I were your therapist, and you probably won’t get to know me as well or feel as comfortable with me as you do with your therapist.
That’s okay, though. Email consultations can still be helpful to you.
Here are some specific situations where an outside consultations might be of use:
* You have a specific question that your therapist isn’t sure about. Programming issues, for example, can be difficult to understand because so few people do understand them. Even very good therapists may be a little bit at a loss when it comes to programming issues if they haven’t had much experience in working with them. I’ve had more experience working with these issues than most therapists, so an email consultation can give you and your therapist some ideas on how to approach these issues in your work together.
* Your therapist is on vacation or extended leave, and you would like some additional support during that time. Having your usual schedule change, and having your regular therapist less available or not available at all for a period of weeks, can be really difficult. A little extra support during those times can be really helpful.
* You want a second opinion about something. Not every change you make in therapy will be huge. In fact, most of therapy is just hundreds of very small changes all strung together into something bigger, like stringing a necklace one bead at a time. But every now and then, a very big change can come along, and as with any big change, you might want to talk it over with more than one person. This doesn’t reflect a lack of trust in your own therapist, or a lack of faith that they have your best interests at heart. Rather, this is a normal and healthy thing that people often do when there is a big decision to be made. Having more than one perspective can be very helpful. It can offer additional food for thought, or sometimes just confirm what you already feel in your heart is right.
* You need help resolving a conflict with your therapist. Again, this is not a sign of distrust in your own therapist, but even the best working relationship can sometimes run into disagreements or divisions of opinion. In the wider world, if you are having a disagreement with someone, you would discuss the situation with your therapist to help you sort through your emotions and decide on the best course of action, but what do you do when the disagreement is WITH your therapist? I do not want to get between you and your therapist, or serve as go-between, or take their place in your life, but I can offer a safe sounding board where you can work through the situation and resolve things with your therapist so that your relationship can be restored to its usual good working order.
What are your fees? Do you accept insurance? Do you offer a sliding scale?
As an email consultant, my fees are laid out on the page titled: DID Email Consultations with Laura from Discussing Dissociation.
I do not work through any insurance companies or offer a sliding scale. The price stated on the purchase page is the only price at which email consultations may be obtained.
However, there might be special offers available at different times! Be sure to subscribe to the Discussing Dissociation emails to keep up to date!
Are you available in case of an emergency?
Email consultations are not an appropriate way to address your needs in case of an emergency.
Emails cannot address emotional crises which need immediate attention, and a long-distance consultant cannot provide the type of support necessary for a crisis situation.
Further, email consultations are not intended to be a replacement or a substitute for having a therapist with whom you meet on a regular basis. Email consultations are an adjunct service only.
In the case of an emergency, your therapist should be your first point of contact.
If your therapist is not available, or if you do not have a local therapist on whom to call, you should contact emergency services or a suicide hotline in your area.
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Thanks for reading — I hope Laura has answered at least a few of the questions you might have for her.
BUT…. I’m sure you have a few more.
Feel free to write your questions for Laura below in the Comments section.
We’ll both be glad to hear from you.
And remember, I’m still here. I’m not going away. I’m not leaving, and I’m not quitting. This is still my writing place !!
I’ve brought Laura in to help provide MORE support, MORE expertise, MORE options for you. We can do double the amount of good stuff with two DID therapists here, so.. you know… it’s all about doing double dog more for the overall benefit of the dissociative survivor community.
We’re ADDING stuff, not taking anything away. So please don’t stress….. I’m still here. 🙂
Wishing you the best in your healing journey,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
We have so many issues with programming and whilst our therapist understands this world we keep coming up to the same barrier. Our primary person is very heavily influenced by programming and feels like they cant physically take action. The suggestion from or therapist is always to take action but no suggestion when they can’t do anything so we are constantly stuck
Plz help where does kathy respond. Do alerts come. Is
we don’t know either Kayla…we don’t know either…
MM
013020
Thank you, MM. I appreciate MissyMing’s thoughts on wanting me to do well on my paper. I am pleased with my results. 🙂
That girl with red hair sounds nice. Glad you were encouraged!
Hello MM,
Thank you for writing to me. I am glad you did. And I am glad to meet you.
I will never forget MissyMing. Never! She has been so friendly and kind and welcoming to me. And she gave me such helpful advice when I first came here and asked a question. I appreciate MissyMing very much. She will always be welcome to write to me. I know I was verrrryyy slow in answering. But I sometimes have parts who struggle to write due to fatigue and overwhelm. I will always answer….eventually….when I am able.
I understand what you mean about inner turmoil and chaos…and there being no rest. It can be so tough! Hang in there.
MissyMing is very blessed to have you. And T. And I am sure there are others who also help. All of you are amazing.
MissyMing sees you…but she still can’t talk yet….she hopes you don’t think you did anything bad….you did not…she hopes you are OK….that you did good on your paper….we got to write to a little red haired girl at work….she wrote us a note and said thank you for all your work!….we wrote her a note back….the teacher said she loved our note….that made us feel good…..Outside Her is having a hard time too….but we are happy the little red haired girl wrote to us…..maybe she sees us….it is nice to have a friend…..
MM
01.11.20
rough…full moon?….solstice?…..my imagination?….who knows?….i don’t anymore
MM
12.22.19
Hi Missy Ming,
I am really SORRY for not replying or acknowledging your messages before now. I did read them and had every intention to answer far sooner than this.
I understand all you are saying. Life is overwhelming sometimes, isn’t it? And confusing! I so get it.
I had a major study deadline which took every bit of my energy. I have parts who do the study, and they take their roles seriously, but afterwards it is a struggle to even write a simple message….And then there was Christmas…I am catching up on emails and messages now.
I hope you managed to have some good times over the holidays. I know how difficult they can be. I had lots of ups and downs.
I just want you to know that I absorbed all you wrote and wasn’t ignoring you.
I am handing in my thesis now…and am free from my study! Such a relief. I will be better at responding to messages from now on…
Take care.
Hello Pearly…Rough….Glad you have breathing room now…we are still working…..we wish we knew what rest felt like…..body can be still…but Inside in turmoil….we know serious parts…we hope you did good on your thesis…..we are hanging in there…but lot of chaos….thank you for looking for MissyMing…..it is rough….rough….
MM
01.07.20
MissyMing had to hide for a while….T is trying to help her….we think she talked too much…she is an “outward processor”…but she don’t talk – she writes…..we don’t talk like MissyMing…but we watched her….we don’t want you to forget her…..we like it here too…….
MM
01.09.20
Struggling with blocked off trauma…..
Ugh….holidays are hard with our job….cleaning in the midst of holiday decorating…kids and mud…kids and glitter – everywhere….ugh…..”we” KNOW what is expected of us….to have the building CLEAN, disinfected, things in order AND get out on time…that is our “job”…and we work hard to do it well…..we do that and we can convince ourselves (kinda) that we are OK….we did our “job” – what we were “supposed” to do…..maybe we are “safe”…. maybe we can go home and actually get some sleep…….
But here comes holidays…and bad weather…and MUD, MUD, MUD….and decorating….and GLITTER, GLITTER, GLITTER everywhere…Our mouth keeps mumbling…”We HATE glitter, we HATE glitter…” – hoping that no one hears us….and then we panic about having said it….and have to say “Sorry, God – sorry” (because isn’t there “glitter” in Heaven?)….and we hope that He understands what we are saying……We work hard and fast…fighting increasing panic and desperation because we know we are going to have to ask for extra time…and we are NOT “supposed” to do that….we are supposed to be “capable” and “competent” in our work….we are supposed to “obey”……but there is “gut-wrenching” anxiety about the consequences of “failure” and NOT “obeying”….how do we explain our “failure” to “boss” ?…(the one we are “afraid” of)….how do we fix this “mess”?…..What do we do to be “safe”?….We are overwhelmed…. We see “SI” looking at us – offering us HER option….
“Brain” says – “This is STUPID!”…..”SI over mud and glitter!?”…..It makes NO sense to “brain”…..but it DOES make sense to Inside…..it is a way to escape the intense “fear” that makes no sense to “brain”…. but WHERE is it coming from???…….”Parts” are panicking… looking at me to help them….but I am not Superman….or Flash Gordon….I am Outside Her…..I cannot move at the speed of light….body is getting old…and it is harder to move…..we are exhausted……
Outsiders think the job is no big deal…They say, “Don’t worry about it”…They see us as “party-poopers”…..But the immensity of the job is no skin off THEIR nose……our shift is just starting…and we are already in WW III….the conflict between Inside and Outside…..and neither makes sense to the other…..what is “brain” to do with the crying and the wails, the panic, the hysteria, and the collapse that is going on Inside? How do we align with “brain” and convince ourselves we are NOT seeing it all…. that it is only our “imagination”…..(but – HOW do you “imagine” the feeling of terror…and SI?)….HOW do “we” JUST be an Outsider?…….
Things…flashes….waves…are bubbling more and more….puzzle pieces are coming closer together – causing even more “brain” confusion….We are losing “track” of what we say in sessions with T…Twilight Zones envelope us…or are nearby…..
Maybe we just need to find a different job……
MissyMing
12/10/19
Processing….processing….processing…..working on angles….working on being “safe”….finally got the nerve to ask the “fairly safe” person about my “bottoming out” and what came out of my mouth….
She was “cut and dried” – didn’t feel very “approachable”….but we desperately needed to know where we were at….she acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about (too much Thanksgiving????)……I HAD to say it out loud – which was REALLY scary because we were making ourselves too vulnerable… but we did it…..because we HAD to know if we were “OK”……
She said it wasn’t bad….that I handled the situation way better than she would have….confusion slammed “me” again…..Did “I” miss something? Or make something up? How come HER perspective is so different from mine? How come it “felt” SO, SO intense to us….but she is acting like it was nothing….and then she “closed off” on me and – again – I was left with so many unanswered questions and no chance for closure on any of it…..no “safe” place there to turn to REALLY understand what happened…..
Once again – we “see” the massive discrepancies between Inside World and Outside World….and we just keep bouncing between the two……Inside World is so “on guard”….and things are SO critical…. Outside World plods or flows along completely oblivious to what is happening on “our” end…… everything just clashes, clashes, clashes and we are “lost” in confusion…..unable to tell which “world” is the REAL one……
“We” figure that the ultimate “goal” must be to make the two “come together”….but we have no idea how to do that….ACTUALLY – the idea of it is FAR “too terrifying” for some reason – we “see” deep “waves” and flashes of the struggles and fears of “parts”- things that our “brain” doesn’t know what to do with…..
We must have a vivid “imagination”…..Maybe “we” are just one of those people who the Outside World calls a “drama queen”??? ….But evidently we do pretty good at hiding the depth of the “drama” since Outsiders act like they don’t know what we are talking about….Yet, when we try to get answers – to know where we are at – they label us “paranoid” and walk away from us….Don’t they know what that does to us???….All we are trying to do is to know if we are “OK”….if we are “safe” now….we don’t know why that “feels” so critically important….but we also just wish we knew what it even felt like……….
So we walk the “mine-field” of daily life in an Outside World….trying hard to calm the fears and meet the “needs” and “cries” of an Inside World…… and still look “normal” in an Outside World….Those who “understand” seem to be SO FAR and FEW BETWEEN…….
MissyMing
12/04/19
Missyming and Pearly, I just want to say how I relate and how really difficult it is to never know who’s going to be out! We had parts sign up for activities and pay money and some one else out that day that didn’t want to go. We went but not happily…very stressful! Then we struggle with denial of having DID
and say no we don’t have that we’re just a bad person that acts bad! Hmmm, then how do we explain the differences???
Anyone else struggle with Denial? I should say I’ve had the diagnosis for 30 years! Thanks!
Ah, Linda! Yup – I still battle denial…when I am in my T’s office and stuff comes out – there is no battle with it – it feels “real”….get me back on the “Outside” and here comes the battle! I have to make myself “remember” that I “saw” stuff when I was in her office so I can try to combat the “I am making it all up” waves……
I think not having much “memory” makes the battle hit harder….my “brain” doesn’t understand why the “flashes” feel SO “real” when there are no “concrete” pieces that back it up…..it is a struggle……
I know the conflict between doing stuff and not doing stuff – my boss recently told me he would be expecting me to “teach” a class on some cleaning procedures on our next Professional Development Day for our Department. I am clueless as to why he would do that to me when he knows my struggle – that I can suddenly get “overwhelmed” and can barely talk to him without stammering or losing train of thought…yet, other times we have watched ourselves be very blunt and direct with him….
To have a whole class staring at me while I am trying to make a 10 minute talk last for 45 minutes would be excruciating for me…Parts are panicking about not being able to “trust” him – that he is deliberately setting us up for “failure” and it is really scaring them….we don’t want to do it…..(This is the boss who told us with should be “done” with our stuff by now – and if we aren’t – then ACT like it)….(THAT did not go over well with Inside at all!!)
Yet other parts are panicking big time about NOT “obeying” him….What will be the consequences? How do we dare say “No!” to him….waves of “frozen fear” bubble up….Yet Rage couldn’t care less – but we can’t let “him” be too expressive…..Sooooo – there is an Internal “war” going on between the perspectives of parts….
I have no idea “who” will win….each part who bubbles up makes me feel that THEIR perspective is the 100% correct one…..but, I know that which ever one “wins” will leave the others in “havoc”…..
Gotta get this “teamwork” thing going here….No fun!
MissyMing
11/18/19
Linda and MissyMing!
I so relate to everything both of you say! It makes daily life so incredibly complicated! I have parts who can barely talk and others who talk with confidence and I never know who will be present in social situations. I do ask the more talkative ones to help me out in social situations…and often I might start with one of them, but various others usually get triggered along the way…somehow.
So understand about parts feeling 100% sure that their perspective is the correct. I never know which won will win either…and it can create so much havoc inside!
I hope the talk goes well, MissyMing. Let me know how you go.
And, yes, I struggle with denial too. Someone once told me that dissociation and denial are two sides of the one coin.
I gotta get the ‘teamwork’ thing going on too! I’m often feeling so scattered and torn in different directions.
Yup! A bit hard to get “teamwork” going when it is still blowing you away that there are “parts” even there….and trying to “understand” them……
You KNOW you “see” them, “hear” them and “feel” them…..but “understanding” their existence and their purpose is a whole journey in itself……
He hasn’t said anything more about the “talk”…..we are hoping like crazy that he doesn’t remember…..and we won’t have to tell him anything……
MissyMing
12/01/19
Yeah….I understand that the very foundation of dissociation is “denial”…..if we could have emotionally, physically and/or psychologically handled what was happening at the time – there would have been no need to dissociate……we wouldn’t be dealing with “parts” now…..at least that is my understanding…..
But the “perspectives” and “personalities” of the different parts is what is so brain-boggling……actually – so amazing….how each of their triggers is so consistent…. although they may have “surface” differences, the patterns are SO there….their “bottom line” is there……and they can be SO focused on their “jobs” – (even though we are still figuring a lot of those out)…..(Sorry – Objective is getting on a roll here…..)
I still get into time frames where I am back to asking my T if I am “schizophrenic”, or “Bi-polar”, or “Borderline”…….those seem to have more “established” guidelines…… DID (or is it just “me”?) can feel like it is all over the place!….but then again – I am in the beginning stages of learning……
Hope you got to have some rest over Thanksgiving…..I pretty much “vegetated”….don’t ask me what my house looks like! …and I am a “cleaner”! (ugh!)….We SO did not want to have to return to the routine of plowing through work “stuff” today…..We work in a public building – so there are a LOT of cold and flu germs that are constantly coming through the doors…….
Every time we hear that someone on staff got sick – we fight gut-knotting “Inside panic” that we “failed” to do what we were “supposed” to do…..failed to “obey”….”brain” says we cannot kill every germ 24/7, but the turmoil is there….and exhausting – but we still keep working as hard as we can…..
MissyMing
12/02/19
You must be in the northern hemisphere. Snow! Getting very hot here! We even saw a snake in the park soaking up the sun. That caused a stir inside!
I so get everything you describe. Such a relief to know that there are others out there who ‘get it’.
It feels so much like a ‘role of the dice’. Never know who will make an appearance. I can recognise that I am changing much more often than I realised. It’s unpredictable. And you do wonder who you will end up with. Some of my tearful ones pop up in situations where it would be best they didn’t. But thankfully not for long!
And, yes, different parts respond to different people. So true! I wish the confident parts would be more consistent and come every time I needed them. I guess that might come in time as we heal and work more smoothly as a team. Still lots of triggers to discover.
Enjoy your snow!
We got a bit of snow here – but it didn’t last long….North where the meeting was got hit with it…..It has now turned back to feeling like spring..guess it takes time for the season to get settled in…..
Ewwww – snakes give you problems, too – huh……don’t know what all the deep stirring and agitation Inside is yet – but it is definitely there……
Yep – know the bouncing (or changing) well…..I never used to “feel” all that – so maybe it was actually happening already and I just wasn’t aware of it….there always seemed to be more “space” or time in between – now it is much quicker….don’t know if that is good or bad……I DO wish the confident parts would come “at beck and call”….and, YES!…I am, as well, still trying to learn triggers and to watch what follows….
Don’t know if this is how it happens for you….but I will be in the middle of an Outside situation and then suddenly feel “Twilight-Zoney” and there will suddenly be a specific moment where there is like a spotlight on the situation….a moment of time just “freezes” – as if an Internal “snapshot” has just been taken – it can be of a look on someone’s face, a movement they made, a tone of voice, etc……I will come out of it realizing that the interaction had already continued – but I am left aware that there is some type of Internal group discussion going on….LOTS of questions and discussion – but sometimes I can only grasp pieces of it….questions which I have NO concrete answers for but I am VERY aware that the group’s NEED for answers is INTENSE…..I know that THEN, at some point, I will be hanging on for some type of ride into who knows what….
Later that snapshot will suddenly bubble up in my face and I feel myself taking “a back seat” as I watch myself writing a note to the person involved….usually asking really blunt questions, making myself EXTREMELY vulnerable – going in directions of explanation I would NEVER ordinarily go….going headlong into a particular perspective as my “brain” is going, “What? What?” – yet that perspective feels MORE real than anything……I am “at the side” panicky about “consequences” – YET – I cannot pull out of it until the “deed is done”……
(I just had a recent episode of that and was trying to explain to an Outsider about the note I wrote….I got tangled up trying to explain something which was beyond my “brain”- the part involved had gone back down – ….she looked at me and said, “Well – you believed what you wrote, right?”……I don’t think I could have felt more “floundery”…..I always somehow end up looking like something is “wrong with me”…..UGH!)
Anyway, after it goes back down – I am left wondering how to get myself out of the fix I just got myself into….I CANNOT explain the “why’s” of it – much less think anyone would even bother to try to understand if I did…..My “brain” is in massive confusion about what just happened….yet I am aware that Inside NEEDED to do that and they usually win….otherwise the Internal pressure starts getting more intense……
I say to the Internal group – “Thanks! Ya’ll just left me out on a limb again….up the creek without a paddle….Thanks!” Yup – I guess it’s gonna take MORE and MORE looking at triggers, stepping into Internal communication, and definitely learning to “work more smoothly as a team”…..You are SO right!!
MissyMing
11/09/19
No problem, Pearly! We totally get the “everything feels ginormous” mode! My hubby wonders when I am ever going to get around to “cleaning the house”…..actually – it’s more organizing than cleaning – can’t figure out what to do with ALL the piles of stuff…It’s like a picture of how I am Inside – piles that need to be worked on and can’t get there yet!….
The conference got cancelled due to snow….bummer!! Some parts are relieved – some are bummed…..I guess this was like a test run….I was nervous….but I WAS going to go – so I guess that was progress!…..I did end up taking some local professional development classes – so I still got to test social settings to a degree.
Yup! I get the “changing frequently throughout” mode…..you wonder which one you are going to finally end up with – and hope it is one that you’re not going to have to explain your way out of to Outsiders…
I am also noticing more how I am “one way” with one Outsider and a “different way” with another….I feel the shiftings and wonder what causes those particular directions….some are definite enough that my body will hold its thumbs around one particular person….(my T said it was a way that infants “comfort” themselves)…..Ugh!…..
With one particular Outsider, there is an automatic shifting into a very submissive attitude – it would leave me feeling VERY vulnerable, exposed, controlled, no voice, etc….I would watch it happening and couldn’t pull out of it – couldn’t figure out “how” to shift into a different direction……I especially didn’t like knowing that he was somehow aware of the extent of that submission….it scared me – making me extremely “on guard” around him because everything in me couldn’t “trust” him…..even though my “brain” couldn’t come up with much reason to NOT “trust” him…….
Suddenly, one day, we saw him arrive and I saw/felt young parts running like crazy Inside….I was stunned – but felt a shift and watched a much stronger part step in to deal with him….I was “off to the side” and watched young parts literally hiding behind the strong part……Normally we look anywhere but at that Outsider when talking to him….but this time we “stared him in the eye”……Our words to him were very precise and cut and dried and we said “bold” stuff to him that we normally would NEVER say….
He kept watching us and saying, “What happened to you? You get a breakthrough or something?” (We had previously told him we had PTSD and were working on it)…….He kept saying, “You’re so different! What happened? Whatever it was, I LIKE it!” Which THAT scared us, too! (I was off to the side Inside saying, PLEASE don’t say anything….PLEASE!) I don’t think we did – cause we don’t want him to know any more than PTSD – we have a lot of difficulty in feeling “trust” in him……
I don’t know “who” that part was and sometimes find myself saying, “Whoever you are – PLEASE come back”…….When we are around that Outsider now – we try to keep distance from him – because we “watch” him watching us…we know he is wondering if we are STILL like that strong part…..but we haven’t seen that part again and don’t know how to “be” that again…..
Sooooo – the journey of learning and understanding continues….we “watch” parts and we “watch” Inside….waiting to see how we are supposed to “be”……sometimes life feels like “a roll of the dice”…..you never know “who” you are going to end up “being”…..interesting ride!
Have a good weekend, too, Pearly!
MissyMing
10/26/19
Hi MissyMing!
Excuse my delayed reply – it’s been a rough couple of days. When particular parts are present, the smallest thing (such as writing a message) can feel like a ginormous task! You are right – walking through each day with triggering parts certainly make life interesting. I never know what a day might hold! And sometimes it’s just plain overwhelming.
And, oh, I know that feeling of internal “pressure” so well…and it never ceases to amaze me that it can lessen when the parts are acknowledged or I engage in an activity which helps them – although this remains a continual learning-journey.
How did the trauma course go? I hope you learnt lots and that it went well. I never know which way I will ‘fall’ in any social setting these days either. I always start with a calm or confident one and then find I’m changing frequently throughout. I still need to discover most triggers and at times it all feels so hard.
Yes, oh what a journey!
Have a lovely weekend, MissyMing!
Pearly! I definitely do get the “phases” situation – sometimes something seemed SO important at the time and then it suddenly “disappears”……there is a feeling that the part got what it needed at the time and then is “off somewhere” continuing its own processing…..their world is SO their own and we get to catch glimpses of it….unable to “explain” why we do what we do on the Outside……it is interesting to watch – and we just KNOW that, in that space of time, we caught a unique insight ……a precious “treasure” of understanding……
I LOVE your word “higgledy piggledy”! Sounds WAY more interesting and “fun” than “scattered”……! You are definitely seeing the unique differences of each part – you make me want to “press” into mine even more…..if “I” can JUST get through all these waves of confusion and “denial”……..but I DO want to try to find a way to see how unique each part is – to get each part’s characteristics more “grouped together”…it MIGHT help me feel less “scattered”! ….a collage sounds like a good way…..I just have to get there…….
And YES! Parts definitely DO notice when we “try”……Parts used to have to “get in my face” before I would listen or see them…..now that I have started seeing their different “characteristics” and what triggers them – I find myself looking for them – to see if it IS actually a particular one behind what I am getting “slammed” with……I can sense that they are “happy” that I “look” for them…..the Internal “pressure” lessens and we try to “walk together” through the situation rather them “me” keep trying to “fight” them…..Acknowledgement and validation seem to be VERY important to them……
I will be taking off this weekend to attend a big trauma conference that “we” KNEW we were supposed to sign up for – even though it is SO not where I am at right now – and on top of THAT – my “way” was paid for!…..I seem to have a part that has “autistic-type” characteristics and anything out of my normal “routine” or “chaotic surroundings” just throws me – there is too much “input” and I “feel” off-balance….yet I am “watching” myself get ready to go…..I feel like I am on a very fine line and don’t know which way I will “fall”…..Hopefully it is in the direction of NOT “bottoming out”…..My “Objective” part is determined to “learn” – hopefully “he” will be in the forefront so we can get through this…..I wouldn’t want to end up “freaking out” the group I am with if I “fall” to the other direction…….
I will let you know how it goes….hopefully GREAT! Walking through life with triggering parts makes each day a very interesting journey…..you NEVER know what your day will hold – whether you will lie on your bed that night – breathing a sigh of relief saying “I got through it!”…..or lie there saying, “What did “we” just do????”……(I have “co-consciousness” in varying degrees….when a part gets REALLY triggered and steps in to “help” or “show me something or to be heard” – “I” am off to the side watching….actually – it feels more like “white-knuckled” as I hang on for the ride!
Oh!! What a journey!!!
Have a good day, Pearly!
MissyMing
10/20/19
Hello MissyMing!
Doesn’t it go to show how unique we are…and how unique our DID systems are!?
I’m noticing that I tend to go through phases – like the collages or the letters – and then I feel no need to do anymore. I think different processes help the parts at different times. (With the collages I cut out words and pictures and sometimes just colours. Each parts’ collage was unique. One anxious part had neat columns of mainly words to describe her feelings. Others layered and overlapped many pictures higgledy piggledy. Different ones favoured different colours. Some tore out the magazine pictures. Others cut neatly,).
But some things are worth trying and if they don’t work, that’s ok….still worth the effort. I think parts notice when we try…and will appreciate it! And different things help at different points in the journey.
I so understand the feelings of being ‘scattered’ – that’s a word I use often as to how I feel at times. So hard to concentrate sometimes!
We are a mystery to outsiders…and definitely a mystery to ourselves! I had no idea how complex I was and am! It’s a journey.
Hope you have a good weekend, MissyMing!
Well Pearly! You must have an “ability” to deal with collages that I don’t have yet! Your idea sounds great, but I am struggling with it being a “visual” portrayal of how disconnected and scattered I feel and see Inside. I try hard to not “look” like that on the Outside – so I guess I am still in “denial” aspects of the whole thing…..Life would be simpler if I was ONLY in “cleaning on my job” Outside mode – OR – in my T’s office in “Inside ONLY” mode……trying to function in the two combined is “me” boggling! I tend to feel “bouncy” a lot……
I remember my “Insides” freaking out one time when I looked at a picture of a rainbow…..massive Internal chaos because the colors “blend” on the edges in rainbows….”blending” scares us….(must be those walls)……I know there is not “blending” in a collage – very precise dividing lines – I think it is just seeing so many “pieces” in a collage that is a bit overwhelming for me right now…..maybe when I am in another “spot” in my journey……weird how we can sometimes take the “bigger steps” OK and then fall apart on what would look like “simpler stuff”…..parts have their own reasons – we just need to have eyes to see and ears to hear what they are…..interesting!!!
Oh, well – guess that is what makes us such a “mystery” to Outsiders! (They have NO clue how much of a “mystery” we are, many times, to our own selves!)
But it was a GREAT idea!!
Have a good day!
MissyMing
10/17/19
I’m new to this site but finding it an amazing resource. I was diagnosed with DID last year. My questions are: What can I do if there is a system rule to not talk verbally? How can I get them to start talking to my therapist (some are desperate to talk)? Throughout sessions, emotional parts pop up for short bursts with tears and sobbing, but they don’t talk. There is a growing frustration because some of them really want to talk. The parts love and trust our therapist. She is the safest person we have ever met. But we feel stuck! A happy little one is dying to talk to her verbally…we write messages and draw pictures…but it’s not the same as talking person to person. Thank you!
Pearly! Just wanted you to know that we read your post. Hopefully someone more knowledgeable than me can help you! We are still working on ours as well….Our little ones were the first to be verbal with our T. T connected with them through things they liked – ice cream and a ball. (“I” was at the side “watching” pieces of the interaction)….We started out with body memories (lock up, shaking, emotions such as you described)….I don’t think they have shared too much of “experiences” yet – at least not that I am “aware” of…..just “flashes” that bubble up – but no real “brain memory” context to go with it……
All I can say is that it is a process….sometimes an excruciatingly slow one……we have young ones who trust easily (sometimes TOO easily)….and ones who DON’T at all! There is often the Internal war of conflicting perspectives that have to be worked through and “I” often feel (what I call) VERY “bouncy”…..how a session goes depends on “who” is closer to the forefront…..
I am so glad you feel safe with your T – that is a HUGE plus – and I think will help your littles to open up more. Maybe the more that your parts can continue to interact with your T (increasing their sense of safety) – then ones who CAN be verbal will start stepping up. I am very aware of “others” watching as an interaction is going on with a specific little and our T.
Maybe your T can find something that the “happy little one” who is “dying to talk to her verbally” is interested in and can connect through that…..like our T did with ice cream and a ball…..I know for us – the sense of “safety” (especially for the hesitant ones) is crucial……I struggle “after the fact” for having “talked”….my sister battles it HUGE before even starting – even with me……but as she steps into it bit by bit – I have noticed that it is gradually decreasing as she is being “heard and validated”…..
Maybe someone can give you more ideas to try….I just wanted you to know that we read your post…..and we are glad you are here!
MissyMing
10/07/19
Hi MissyMing!
Thank you so much for your response. It made someone start crying – tears of relief, I think! Such a comfort to know other people understand this journey. We appreciate that you answered our message.
I relate to so much of what you have written. And it’s actually very helpful to hear what helped to get your little ones to start talking and interacting with your therapist. It’s given me an idea (someone is quite excited!).
Thanks again.
Let us know – if you will and as you are able – how things go! I could always use some more ideas and others’ own insights to help me in my own journey! I agree 100% with you in the relief that we feel when we find that we are not alone in our journey – there IS someone who actually “understands” us…I don’t even have the words to describe the depth of that impact….that – in itself – helps to counteract the horrible, horrible feelings of betrayal and abandonment that the parts “broke off” with……(even if we still don’t know the “story”)…..
MissyMing
10/08/19
To be understood is so impactful. And, yes, I will let you know how things go as and when I’m able. It’s incredibly helpful to hear what helps other people along what is a very overwhelming journey.
I have been creating collages with my parts and it’s been valuable to give them a voice this way – especially as they aren’t verbally talking yet. My therapist has been away for 2 months (that’s been hard although we were allowed to email her) but I did see her associate throughout…and her associate thought the collages were a wonderful way to get to know the parts…not just for me but for her too. The parts knew which pages belonged to them – as the therapist looked at each one, the sad and hurting parts came and cried when she held up their particular collages. Others laughed or smiled. I have also been writing individual letters to the parts (this was an idea from my little miss happy). It’s helped to further our trust of each other.
Thank you for taking the time to respond, MissyMing… I am interested to hear how things go for you too, as and when you are able. X
Hello! The collage idea DOES sound interesting! I will have to throw that idea out to my parts to see if that would work for us…..sounds like a very good way to understand the personalities, interests and likes and dislikes of each part. I know bits and pieces about mine – but a collage idea would definitely allow each part “to shine” in who they are – definitely making them more “concrete”. I will have to check and see if my parts have any ideas for communication like your “little miss happy” had. Sometimes I feel like I am in the realm of “one step forward and two steps back” in getting to know and understand them.
Thank you, Pearly, for sharing what has worked for you. It gives me new directions to try! Have a good day!
MissyMing
10/12/19
I understand the feeling of “one step forward and two steps back.” It can certainly often feel like that in getting to know the parts and understand them.
But I will be interested to hear if your parts take to the collages. Or if you come up with any other communication ideas.
Let me know how you go.
I am so glad to meet you MissyMing!
Will do! And glad to meet YOU, Pearly! Am working on processing things from recent triggers….it is so hard when there is like WW III going on between your Outside and Inside Worlds…still battling denial….denial….denial…..Ugh!
MissyMing
10/14/19
Hi. Thank you for joining kathy and desiring to help us with did. My question would be if it is possible that my 20 altars are all deceived in believing an abusive past happened. I am aware of very little abuse and cannot believe anything my journals say, my therapist says my altars shared, or what my altars told my husband. I dont recall much at all of my life right up to this moment, clearly I suffer amnesia, diagnosed twice with did and complex ptsd, but i just do not believe any of the altars. I am used to living with them but dont know them individually and struggle wanting to get to know them if i cant trust what they say. What do you think? Is it possible my insiders are all deceived and are believing lies my mind made up? Could anorexia have caused my brain to make things up? Because of what the altars shared, I no longer am in contact with any family member. I feel like an orphan at age 37 with nobody except my husband I love but dont remember marrying. Anything you could share might help me greatly. I feel so alone with my therapist, husband, and insiders saying how horrible my upbringing was when I dont remember.
One more…..
Do you know anything about how trauma is stored in the body?
I have so many physical issues. Migraines. Digestive disorders. I’m facing my 4th surgery in 18 months…trying to stay out of a wheelchair. I am blessed to work with a wonderful, mindful physical therapist who is … oh… mindful and accepting. We have talked some about kinetic memory and some about the effect of trauma on our body but I am wondering if you know anything about how emotional or spiritual trauma might be stored in the bodies of people with DID.
Thanks!
Dear Wren,
Above, a long time ago, you shared above your story about DID later in life and said “We need to say to them…and we need to say to ourselves…we did the best we knew how to do at the time.”
Now, in 2019, I am reading your words and you’ve just helped me tremendously. If you are still out here, I want to thank you.
Hello Tides,
I am sorry to report that Wren no longer participates in this blog (although I do hope that she still ventures forth here to read and sees this posting … and hopefully comes back). I was very close with Wren here and cherished her presence in my life. I am so very heartened to know that her wisdom continues to touch others. I hope that you find other inspiration here.
ME+WE
11-17-2017
Hello again, Laura.
Thank you for the time you take to read and respond here. It is very much appreciated.
I wonder if you have anything to say about spiritual/religious abuse and DID. Some of my “stuff” seems to be in a rather tangled knotted mess around that. Like…don’t speak up, don’t say anything, don’t accuse unless you are PERFECT because God will judge you. Like…males are always right…you must submit to “authority.” Like … it’s the devil in you causing you to think these things… Like… one slip up and off to hell you go…. Like isolation. Like mind control abusive isolation with spiritual/religious overtones.
Do you know anything about that?
Thank you
Wren
Hello Laura,
I have vented a bit here about the struggles of being an older initiate into the ranks of DIDers. You have so kindly stated that one is never too old to begin the journey and you are correct of course. But, I was wondering if you might offer your insights into the healing process from your years of experience.
It is a struggle to not fall into grief for years … heck decades … lost. There is no good time to learn that you are DID and to begin to heal … I know that. But, I am just feeling a lot of grief/pain at the moment that it has taken me to this point in my life to start seeing the real picture of my life. It has hit me hard recently how much I did try when I was younger to find the answer (8 years of individual therapy and 5 years of group therapy in my 20s and 30s) and yet could never get a grasp on what was wrong with me. I feared insanity as I have two aunts who were bipolar and one cousin who is diagnosed schizophrenic. I held myself back from doing things in life because of that family history and my fears for my sanity.
So, where is the question here … hum … I guess it is something like – why did it take so long for me to get here? Was I just not working hard enough? Was I just too stupid to see? Am I crazy? Does my family history have anything to do with it?
Well, I think hat you have answered part of this already but I feel a deep need to ask again. Maybe, I just need to hear again.
Last week I fell down the rabbit’s hole big time and could not find my way back out. I had a “break through” session with my T (her words … I have not processed it yet … more like a big “break down” from my perspective). I should be happy for that I guess (well, in my heart I am). I just feel gut wrenching grief and shame that I have let my little ones suffer the traumas of my childhood. It feels like I have neglected them and allowed them to be tortured by the traumas and continual bad things (including triggers) all of these years. I feel like I have been one of their abusers because I (big me) have not stepped in all of these years to help, to heal, to take on the burden. And so I feel like I am one of the bad guys.
Does this make sense Laura as in, is this something that other DIDers feel? How do I reconcile this grief and sadness?
Thank you Laura for considering these questions. I am not sure if they make sense or if you feel that you can offer anything here but I am thankful for you listening.
With much appreciation,
ME +WE
ME+WE,
I’m glad to see you post. I’ve been hoping you are okay.
This is going to be a little long.
I’m rather in the same boat, age wise. Therapy in younger years for lots of other stuff and while I did good work and learned about concepts I’d never considered…I always felt there was something more wrong with me, something intrinsically wrong that kept me from fitting in and understanding social rules. Decades lost, yes. So much lost. It’s harder to face that and really sit with it. Coming up on 60 soon enough and I wonder what my life would have been like if I had not been abused, if I had not dissociated, if I had been able to do the work I am doing now but at a much younger age. What if…what if…what if… Oh, that is a very hard path to walk down.
I don’t know why it took so long for me to get to the place where I can meet my insiders and talk to a T about them. Perhaps when I was younger I was afraid they would take my son away from me. I mean, I knew there were others around in my head, but I just wouldn’t interact with them and didn’t talk about them. Or if I did it was rare. I honestly thought I had myself fairly well figured out. Earlier therapy gave me tools that I could apply to the inner chaos, even though that chaos was not actually talked about. I thought I was “done enough” and had come to accept that I was a misfit. I did other things. Artwork. Gardening. Then I got really sick and almost died a couple years ago. I ended up in emergency surgery, went into septic shock, organs were shutting down, I had a heart attack. Landed in ICU on a ventilator and was in hospital for some long time. That whole experience triggered massive wave upon wave of memories, emotion, fears, inner craziness. When I finally got home (much to everyone’s surprise as no one thought I was going to make it) I tried to go back to my life.
Only I couldn’t. I was not coping. I was not coping at all. I felt like I was a million people and we were ALL falling apart. Finally I decided I needed to go back to therapy, but I honestly did not think it had anything to do with DID. I thought I needed tips on how to deal with stress.
So for me that is a little bit about “why now at this age.” I’m sure you have your own reasons for “why now” even if you can’t see them at this moment. If you are able, trust yourself, even a little, that this is the right time for YOU. It may be different than other people…but that’s okay. That is absolutely okay.
ME+WE, you are not crazy and you are not stupid. These things come to us when they do. It takes as long as it takes. I, too, wish I could have done something for the littles I am only just now starting to get a peek of. It breaks my heart. Why couldn’t I have kept them safe??? Why didn’t I rescue them? Why didn’t I do for them all the things I wish someone had done for me?
So now we have this very anguished emotion and feel like we somehow abandoned our littles, even abused them by ignoring them. If we did…and I say IF in capital letters because I don’t believe that is what it was all about… but even, for the sake of argument…imagine that was the case…then what they need now and what we need now is compassion. We need to give that to our littles and we need to give it to ourselves. We need to sit with the pain in our heart and the pain in their hearts and offer our presence and offer compassion. We need to say to them…and we need to say to ourselves…we did the best we knew how to do at the time.
ME+WE, we are not stuck there. We are not there now. We are doing things differently now. I, too, grieve deeply for a life I will never have. I need to put my hand on my heart and just allow that grief to be and sit with it a bit and offer that sorrow my very best compassionate self. Comparing myself to others never seems to be very helpful. I find it more helpful to simply come along side myself, be present with my tribe and my messiness and trust that things are unfolding in just the right way.
I can’t say it enough. Give yourself your very best compassion. Give your littles your very best compassion. I think you are doing such amazing work. You have been so encouraging to me and to so many others here. You offer so much gentleness and wisdom – even in the midst of your own pain and messiness. You are a pretty amazing person. You were then and you are now and you will be even more as days go by.
Isn’t that what life is about after all? Simply becoming. We are becoming ever more truly our own selves. Remember to have some fun with that if you are able to. Have some ice cream. Paint with finger paints. Jump in some mud puddles.
You are doing just fine. Right now is the absolutely perfect time for you to be doing the work you are doing, for the healing that is and will be, for breathing free.
Dear Wren,
There are no words sufficient to the task of expressing my most sincere, heartfelt gratitude for your beautiful response to me. I cried when I read, reread and read again what you so kindly and eloquently gave of yourself, your journey and your incredible kindness and wisdom. I emphasize the fact that I cried when reading your words here because, for me, tears do not come – at all or very rarely in more recent months. Part of my abuse, shut my tears down. So to be able to cry for ME+WE is a treasured gift. From my heart — thank you for that Wren.
Well, there is just so much insight and wisdom in what you have written here Wren. I know that others will be moved by what you have so generously given to us all here. Our journeys are unique, but there are so many parallels to our paths. It is so encouraging to know that we are not alone. I know that I am not the only one here who has felt the depth of despair at being alone, unseen and not understood throughout our lives from the silence of our trauma and abuse to finding others who truly know, understand and want to hear about our lives with DID. That is why I have so clung to Kathy’s words and those of DIDers (and now Laura too …. wow … huge bonus round) who have posted here in this safe, nurturing and understanding space. Now that I am posting myself, I have been so encouraged to find kindred spirits, like yourself Wren, who are willing to give of themselves, to share their journeys and insights, and to just be there to hear. Thank you all for this refuge of compassion and understanding.
I was so nervous to express my dark side here. Thank you Wren for being so welcoming and understanding of that part of ME+WE. I have so hidden my despair all of my life trying to be the competent one, the helper, the funny one, the one everyone relies on, the doer, etc. I have never been the one who needs help let alone ask for it. Such a huge step forward for me to take and what a perfect place to do it. Thank you all for being so gracious as to offer me this space (especially you Kathy and Laura).
Okay, time to get the little ones some ice cream!!!
With humble regard,
ME+WE
Oh, Sweet ME+WE,
I’m so glad any small bit I can offer is helpful. And I am so glad for all the kindness and wisdom you show to me and others here.
Isn’t it amazing how we can be SO THERE for other people…and yet often enough struggle to give to ourselves what we can so freely offer to others.
Sometimes the best we can offer ourselves and others is simply our presence. The light bright happy places and the dark brooding places that need some help. All those places and pieces parts have something to share and something we can learn from. And sometimes I think the biggest lesson is that we get to be kind and compassionate to the whole package that is this complicated self. I’m not sure if that makes any sense or not.
I learn so much from others here. I learn so much from you. I learn so much from Kathy and Laura. Even in the short time I have been here. It has been transformative in a lot of ways. I suppose I found this place when I was ready for it.
Blessings.
I hope you enjoyed the ice cream!!
You make wonderful sense Wren!
That has got to be our “go to” word in our basket of safety nets — COMPASSION. It really sums up what we need to gift ourselves and others. If we can approach life with compassion, we will be on the right track to, not only our own healing, but living with others in a kind and respectful way. Okay, maybe not our abusers but the world is full of a lot of wonderful folks — we just have to open up our hearts to the possibilities.
Oh and yes … ice cream is always a joy to share with my insiders!
What encouraging feels your writing Wren! Also,thanks from me..reading this..
And I agree..Me + we, you’re not crazy! we are not crazy.. there can be so many reasons why we are so late knowing we have and have had DID. I worked for years in therapy, but since my mom passed away now 7 years ago the whole trauma is coming , how do you say..above? Now the puzzle pieces are falling..it was not possible when she was living..me, the only child..had to take care of her. It was so hard and so confusing..probably my mom had DID too. I can understand better now.
So I think you all had your own reasons why understanding and working with DID is coming in this stage. And I recognize the grief over the lost years. I have no kids because of all this. But I know now I have my Own kids..:). And thats very confusing, difficult and sometimes good. I just started with the sadest little bear and my littles ones are enjoying the story. ( and we learn better English:):) My therapist does not talk directly to them, but only to the host, so they really love it that the story is told to them. Thats a little off topic..sorry.
Thanks Laura, for getting to know you and answering this questions, so that we get to knwo each other also.
Thanks and good luck here!
I would love to see a thread/topic here that really didn’t have any topic other than maybe people connecting or checking in if they wanted to. Maybe even about things that have nothing to do with DID. It would be nice to have a spot where we could just be our normal complicated selves. “I just made the best pot of chicken soup.” “Today I went for a hike.” “The snowfall this morning was so lovely.”
There aren’t many places where we can just be us and not have a problem be the focus of the connection.
Wren,
That’s a great idea, especially with so many folks getting active in Comments.
I’ll start a new area for that. I like your name for it — think I’ll just use that, please and thank you. 🙂
Kathy
hi hi
we want ask you a question but is it alowed? we dont want make you angrey. how can we know someone is safe? we cant ask becase may be they lie to us. its realy scarey when we dont know and it scarey with new people. our big (adult) says we need safe people but we dont know how we tell.
Laura,
Thank you so much for your answer. That makes sense….and it helps enormously! I am so appreciative of the help that you and Kathy offer here.
I think I have lots of insiders. I kind of think of us as a tribe. I like “group” as well. Some of my insiders are so young they have another insider looking after them, but I don’t think we have found all the littlest ones. Does that make sense?
It does make sense.
Also, I think “tribe” is another good choice for a collective term for your group, especially if it feels so large!
For purposes of blog writing, the most widely understood words are always the easiest and best to use, but the nice thing about individual work is that the terms used can be the ones of your choosing, the ones that feel right to you.
I’m glad this is helpful for you, Wren. 🙂
Hi Wren –
I think “system” is just kind of a default term. To me, it indicates both many different individual parts and the interconnectedness of all those parts.
When I use that word in particular, I’m thinking of things like family systems theory and group systems theory, both of which include concepts that can apply to dissociative systems. I might be choosing the word “system” at those times because it matches the other concepts I’m thinking of when I’m writing. It’s not really a technical term, but it does sound more formal. That might be why researchers and theorists like to use it. 🙂
On the other hand, sometimes I use the word “group” instead, and my meaning when I use it is the same. If I think about the context where I choose one word over the other, I probably use the word “system” when I’m thinking more analytically or factually, and the word “group” when I’m thinking about the importance of cooperation and communication and building a group out of the system.
And after all, I have to call it something where people will know what I mean when I say it. 🙂
There is no easy way to tell if you are the original. As you and your therapist get to know everyone in your group, you should be able to work this out. And you’re right, “just a system part” doesn’t sound like a very desirable thing to be!
But you know, there’s really no “just” about it. Everyone in your group is there because they serve a valuable and important role in your survival and your ability to function, and that includes you. You are tremendously important, whether you’re “the original” or not.
It is true that dissociation can serves as a protection, to keep some part of the self safe and free from the fear, pain, and helplessness of abuse. I understand how this can make it seem like that one part, the original part who has not experienced or been aware of any of the abuse, is the most important part of all. I mean, it makes sense, right?
Well. It does… but it’s not actually true. Let me go back to the example from my last post of the office full of people. Only one person is the president of the office. He or she will be the name everyone recognizes, the photo in the brochure, the face of the company. But does that make the president the only important person, or even the most important person in the office? What about the managers who make sure every department is getting its work done on time? What about the individual employees actually doing the work from day to day? What about the mail room people who make sure the important packages get delivered in and out?
If even one person is out sick for the day, that can have a big impact on how much work can get done and affect the whole company. In fact, the person whose absence might be least felt on a day to day basis, ironically, is the president! After all, the president probably isn’t the one doing the work that keeps the company running.
It’s the same with “the original self”. She’s important, but no more or less important than any of the other insiders who protect her. Everyone matters!
Great questions Wren. The word “system” does sound incredibly cold and impersonal. I really dislike the word “alters” as well. I guess that the professionals need a standardized terminology to communicate with one another and they chose what they thought sounded clinical and neutral. Certainly does not speak to what we with DID feel though. I borrowed Kathy’s terminology of “insiders” to describe my alters and call my system “my gang”. It is nice to personalize your relationship with your inside folks.
Hum … I will be very interested to read what Laura says about the “original”. That certainly is an intriguing question. I have not wanted to go there in my thinking!
Thank you for taking the time to answer questions. It is really helpful.
Why is it called a “system” ???? This seems so cold and impersonal.
How do I know if I’m the original? Maybe the original is hidden away and I’m just a system part. That sounds horrible. Like auto parts.
Thank you again for the help!!!
Hi ME+WE – Those are some great questions!
To respond in the order given…
1. Are you asking if internal activity (that is, your insiders doing things like having conversations or meetings or doing their own thing internally while, to all external appearances, the body is asleep) would make you feel tired in the morning?
Yes it can. DID consumes a lot of energy, whether insiders are coming and going into the physical body or whether they’re just doing their own activities inside. Are you able to converse with your insiders about what they’re doing during the nighttime hours? Maybe you can work out an agreement for everyone to take some quiet time so the body can be more rested in the morning.
It’s probably also worth double checking that the body really is asleep that whole time. I think it’s great that you’ve taken precautions to make sure you are staying safely in your room! But it’s possible that someone is doing something at night that doesn’t involve wandering or anything else unsafe or unreasonable. Night might be their only opportunity to have the time they desire, and it isn’t necessarily something to worry about, but if this is what’s happening, you will want to learn more about what’s going on. Then you can work out an agreement to meet both the needs of the insider(s) responsible and the body’s need for rest.
2. When would I stop looking for new insiders? Well, I don’t think any insider exists in a vacuum. There will always be at least one other insider who knows about them. So, if nobody you know can think of anyone they know that you don’t know, then you can probably stop actively looking for new people. There’s always the possiblity of a surprise, someone who wasn’t ready to have their existence known – internal dynamics can be complicated. But this is my basic rule of thumb.
Is it necessary to find everyone? That’s a slightly different question, but I think the answer is yes. It is very necessary. I encourage you to meet the above rule of thumb because until you meet everyone, until you know everyone, you can’t really be sure there is no part of your system that is left in the past. The idea is to bring everyone, the whole system, up to date and learn to work together as a functioning unit, sort of similar to how an office runs. Everyone is an individual, but everyone has to work together.
Imagine how it would be if one employee was stuck in the basement in the dark. It might not be general knowledge, but it will still affect the overall group. There’s a secret untold, there’s someone who isn’t being treated fairly. Groups can sense when there’s something off even if they don’t know what it is, and the busy and productive office life will feel like a sham until the cause is addressed.
The same holds true for dissociative systems, and that’s why I think it’s necessary to find everyone.
Not everyone agrees with me about this. That’s just my take on it.
3. Dissociative issues become apparent most commonly in the late 20s and 30s, but that does not by any means exclude them from being discovered earlier or later than that. My personal take on this is that if you were to explore this question within your system, you would probably find there was a set of conditions unique to you that made this timing right for you. Not knowing your situation, I’m not going to venture too far along this path, but there’s no such thing as “too old”. 🙂
4. Healing is possible. Peace is possible. I don’t just believe this, I know it for a fact. You don’t have to settle for just managing, and that is certainly not the most you can hope for. Healing is about reaching a place where each person is happier and more at peace with the life they are living, and it can mean as many different things as there are individuals traveling that path.
I’m a little more ambivalent about wholeness, although this might be because that word to me implies a singleness that I don’t think is applicable. I focus more on cooperation and the peace of everyone working together.
I think it will always feel like more work than what non-DID people have to do. Everything in a system is about negotiation and compromise, giving and getting. But there is a qualitative difference between making everyday decisions as part of a cohesive and cooperative group, and the chaos and dissension of a dissociative system where there is still a lot of healing work to be done. The more of that work you do, the less chaos there is.
OH WOW Laura … what an incredible reply!!! Lots for me to think about and work on here. Thank you so much for taking the time to offer such thoughtful insight and suggestions here.
I do converse directly with most of my alters — every day in a meditative, group therapy kind of way. I know that that may sound strange but it is how I communicate with my insiders as well as throughout the day if they have something to discuss with me. One of my little ones is a real chatterbox so we do have “time outs” to get some quiet time. Did not think to ask about nighttime and negotiating a “time out when the lights out” agreement. Thanks for that suggestion. Right on target. I will certainly try to discuss this topic with my insiders. Certainly I find living with DID requires an enormous amount of energy and I find that I need a lot of sleep. Not sure if others feel that way.
Okay … I get it about finding my insiders. Did not think to ask the ones that I do communicate with about their knowledge of others. Another great suggestion. I have two separate groups of insiders (11 in total). I think that what you have said here is very important for us all but especially for folks just starting to get to know their system. My insiders did not all present at once and some have been shy about talking to me or my T. But, I know that each one of them holds a key to my understanding myself better and healing (and finding the fun ones too). So, I just need to be patient with myself and open to whoever wishes to present to me and whatever my insiders feel I need to know. Hum … patience, openness and kindness … I need to keep reminding myself of those qualities of self and healing.
Glad to know that you feel that there is no such thing as “too old”! Me thinks you are a young pup because us old dogs know that sometimes it certainly feels like our life was lost and we do not have the energy to take this journey. My sincere gratitude for the words of encouragement. I hope that you heard this too Wren. We certainly need to stick together on this one. 😉
Thank you too for giving me (us) the hope that there is peace and healing to be found. WOW that is a BIG ONE!!! I am getting old enough to be running out of energy to manage things. When I say whole, I do not mean without alters. I mean not shattered in the sense of feeling that I will never get all of the pieces of myself back together not as a singleton (because I do not aspire to integration) but not feeling broken and tossed in the garbage. I believe that I can be whole with parts. My husband calls me his gem with many facets. Well, he is a romantic. But, I certainly would like to feel as solid, and whole as a gem so that I can celebrate my many facets.
With sincere gratitude,
ME+WE
Hi ME + WE,
Just so you know you aren’t alone, I am an old dog, too! 😉
I totally understand not feeling like you have the energy, at this stage in life, to manage things. It can be overwhelming. And the grief for, what feels, to me, like the loss of what is likely more than half my life, can feel debilitating on some days.
I sometimes feel shattered and broken and struggle with feelings of shame and unworthiness. My sense is that the feeling of wholeness comes with love, acceptance and compassion for all of our many facets – even those we have the most trouble with. And acceptance that dissociation is part of our journey and our path here on earth and finding the blessings along the way.
Saying those words are one thing. Living and believing and truly knowing them inside are another. I’m not quite there yet, but that’s the goal. 🙂
Hello Neo,
Thank you so much for your gracious and inspiring reply. It is great to know that I am not alone in the kennel (did you hear that too Wren?). Thank you for sharing. We will have to form an old dogs group here. 😉
You have really capsulized the feelings of being older making this journey. I do look back with some grief that I had to wait until I was 58 years old to truly start to understand myself. And then, I wonder, is knowing the truth now worth it? Do I have the energy to keep on this path to understanding and, hopefully, healing?
I feel rather embarrassed and ashamed that it has taken this long for me to see – to truly see. I have to wonder what the heck I was doing all of this time that kept me from full disclosure of who I am and where I have been? I have to wonder if I knew back in my 20s, 30s, 40s what I know now, would my life have been different? I have to wonder if I tried hard enough and worked hard enough in the past to find my truth and understanding? I was in individual therapy for 8 years and 5 years in group therapy (not to mention numerous workshops and day therapy sessions) in my late 20s and early 30s – what the heck was going on there? Why did my alters not let themselves be known then, tell their stories then, help me understand back then? Why am I now just seeing my life unfolding when so much of my life has already come and gone? Why am I thrust down this path of scares, painful truths and nightmares now when I just want to take a break and sit in the stillness and peace that I feel that I have earned after so many years of doing?
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I am going through a bit of a dark period right now so please, please forgive me friends.
Neo, when you said, “My sense is that the feeling of wholeness comes with love, acceptance and compassion for all of our many facets – even those we have the most trouble with.” I know that you are right. And, on my good days, I can really feel that way and act on it. But right now, this old dog feels like she has been chained up out in the rain for too long to hope any more that the warmth of love, acceptance and compassion will ever bring wholeness to ME+WE.
Hi Me and We,
I experience the same feelings of embarrassment and shame that I spent most of my life switching and behaving in ways that I look back on and cringe, totally without a clue. How could I allow that to happen? It seems so obvious now, as the memories come back. But, then, I realize that switching was my normal. It was all I knew. It is how I survived. It developed outside of my awareness and functioned outside of my awareness to protect me. To help me survive and manage to live. It’s a gift, really.
I also know, looking back, that I unconsciously chose to live my life in a way that really minimized my switching or in a way that made it safe for my insiders. My social circle was small, I worked mainly from home or went in to work when the office was closed to limit interactions and stress. I homeschooled my kids, so my insiders got lots of playtime and creative activity sort of naturally. My husband loved all of me, from the start.
There was a stressful event in my life in my 40’s, that, in many ways, was like re-experiencing my youth. Because of the activities my children were involved in, I stepped into deeper involvement in the community. And I unconsciously chose to be with people who were not safe for me. Personalities very similar to those in my past. The switching started happening more frequently, I was overwhelmed and I became very aware of parts. The walls inside were coming down. I had flashbacks, nightmares, and numerous other internal experiences that led me to seek counseling. It took a number of different tries with therapy before I found someone who explained dissociation and understood.
It is a slow process, but I think, for me, it happened later in life because I unknowingly or unconsciously chose to live in a way that hid and protected the system from outsiders. I chose to live in a very limited way where I could function and manage and hide the dissociation. Dissociation is all about hiding, so this makes perfect sense to me.
It is a slow process, but I am learning to really love and appreciate my parts and feel genuine gratitude and appreciation. I am learning to making healthier choices about outside activities and people. I am learning communication skills – both internal and external. I am learning who I really am – warts and all. I am learning to grieve the many, many things I lost or never learned or never experienced. And this is no small task. Grieving with dissociation is a much longer, drawn out, complicated process than people realize.
Me & We, it’s OK to have hard days. It’s OK to grieve. Grieving is part of reconnecting with parts,and it’s a difficult two steps forward, one step back process.
But eventually the sun comes out again and you’ll feel the warmth. 🙂
Dear Neo,
Thank you so much for your very kind and inspiring words. Certainly, you as well Wren. You have both spoken so eloquently and thoughtfully to life as a DIDer later in life (I said that I started the journey at 58 … I am now 4 years down that road btw). I so very much appreciate your insights, heart and companionship here. You are all an important lifeline for me whether we speak directly to one another or just share of ourselves and our experiences. I am going to say more in a separate post because I would really value Laura’s input into this topic.
A thankful old dog ME+WE
Neo and ME+WE,
Me, three for being an old dog. 🙂
Neo, I feel that same grief over having missed so much of my life, feeling shattered and broken and unworthy. I am slowly learning to cultivate compassion toward myself and my “tribe.” There is so much I have no reference for. So much lost time.
And yet…here we are! 🙂 Isn’t that a wonder? The more I learn about my life and my insiders the more amazed I am at the creativity, strength, perseverance and resilience that is so much a part of us. Broken? Damaged? Yup. Shattered? Oh, in so many ways…
But that is not the whole story. I want to put that in all caps and shout it from my roof top while waving a flag. THAT IS NOT THE WHOLE STORY. That is not the sum total of who we are.
We are also brave and beautiful and strong. Pain may be part of who I am but I’m learning it doesn’t define me. It’s not the whole story.
So I’m learning slowly, yes, but that’s okay. Slow is just fine.
I love the image of standing on a rooftop shouting THAT IS NOT THE WHOLE STORY and waving a flag!
Made me and my inner rebel smile today, because it is so very empowering to remember that creativity, strength, perseverance and resilience are also part of the story.
Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Neo,
Just imagine all the flags we can wave!!!
Here another old dog…60 years and grief because of all the time spend on understanding my life and past and just now found a therapist who understands, believes in DID and offers the right help. I read you all, but English is not my own language, I’m Dutch, so sorry that I can’t write a lot.
Laura,
I will look forward to the post on introjects.
Me+We,
I wonder about your third question also. I am no spring chicken. Why now? Color me befuddled. I find myself humming that old song “The old gray mare she ain’t what she used to be..”
Hi Laura,
Some great responses here and ones that have both helped me understand DID better as well as get to know your thinking and your style of working with DID folks. All great! 🙂
I have a couple of questions that I would really appreciate your input on if that is appropriate here.
1. I know that my alters do not wander about at night (our bedroom door is alarmed and I do not know how to disarm it). But, more often than not, in the morning I am exhausted even though I have been seemingly asleep. Kathy has written about how you can think that you are asleep but your insiders are out and about doing things. Is it possible for our insiders to be out and about at night but not necessarily physically out of bed doing things and that is why I am tired? Does that make any sense at all?
2. How does one know if we have met all of our insiders or not? Should we still keep looking for more (as in, is that a necessary part of the healing process)?
3. Is there a typical age (or condition needed to make this happen) where folks discover that they have DID? I am feeling really old here and wondering why I am only now learning about my insiders. This can lead to a lot of self-doubt like, “why I am only finding out about this now at this stage in my life?”
4. Is it truly possible to heal and feel a wholeness of self again or is that forever shattered? Should I just be striving for manageable? I know that I will never feel exactly like folks who have not experienced childhood trauma and I am not looking to integrate, but I just would just so like to hear that it is possible to find some peace.
With humble appreciation,
ME+WE
Hi guys!
@wren – please don’t apologize, I welcome the questions. 🙂
Regarding whether every person with DID has little ones: it might be possible for a dissociative system to have no little ones, but as far as I know, there are always child parts in every DID system.
Regarding introjects, that’s a much bigger and more complicated topic, and also a very important one. Like little ones, most DID survivors also have introject parts in their system. This would be a topic that lends itself much better to a post, though. It’s the kind of information that would be helpful to just about everyone reading here! So I hope you won’t mind if I hold off on an in-depth response to this as a comment, with the promise that I will write a blog post addressing it instead.
@parts of me – thanks for sharing more of your story.
The speed with which programming can take advantage of dissociation, and the way the people who use it can cover their tracks, is both frightening and dangerous. I’m so glad you were fortunate enough to have someone there to help you get back on track!
@Missing In Sight – wow, that is a big question!
If DID is truly misdiagnosed or wrongly suggested by a therapist, it will become apparent over time. But I don’t think this is a common problem. DID is much more likely to be missed than to be misdiagnosed, and a therapist can’t create DID just because they say someone has it.
Every psychiatric disorder is diagnosed on a spectrum. Of the possible presenting symptoms, there will always be a range provided. For example, of fourteen possible symptoms, a person must exhibit at least six. The ranges are provided to allow for how everyone is different. Two people can have the same diagnosis without sharing a single symptom.
This includes DID. There is no one way it has to look.
It sounds like you might be worried that your diagnosis is not accurate for you – or perhaps you hope it’s not, or wish it weren’t? I don’t know you well enough to say, but those feelings are common ones. Sometimes DID is easier to doubt than to believe. There are so many other difficult and painful things that could be dismissed if the diagnosis were incorrect. It’s a dilemma, and not something I can really address in a blog comment, but if you’d like to discuss it further in a consultation, we can do that. Be gentle with yourself, okay? 🙂
Hi, Laura. Do you believe DID can be faked or suggested inappropriately by a therapist? I’ve been dealing with the D.I.D. diagnosis for twenty years, and sometimes I feel because I don’t have every symptom that I’m faking it. What are your thoughts on D.I.D. being misdiagnosed or wrongly suggested?
Another question. I hope it is okay to keep asking.
I read something here:
https://www.discussingdissociation.com/2014/11/the-emotional-container-of-abuse/
With emotional abuse, the offender could be an outside person, most typically someone well -known to the recipient. OR, for trauma survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder, the emotional abuse can come from an internal system part raging at other internal parts, where the offensive insider is often an internal introject of a outside abuser.
Please say more about what an introject is. It sounds horrible. It sounds like the abuser can utterly invade even inside spaces that should be safe…
thanks, laura! yes, being authentic and genuine are really what matter most. showing compassion to those of us who struggle, means more than you know. we look forward to hearing more about you and your journey. i am an office manager for several therapists and one of them is a very good friend to us all. it helps to have someone to talk with, that understands did, offers support & encouragement and does so without judgment. sometimes a “second opinion” is helpful, when the chaos takes over. we get to see both sides; clients and therapists and your job is not easy. however, we are truly grateful for therapists!
thank you for sharing about “programming”. about 4 years ago we found ourselves working for a lady who was part of an “organized group”. at this point we had already moved away from home- where my abusers were, seeing an incredible therapist, been diagnosed with did and making huge progress in therapy. we met this lady through a mutual “friend” and she immediately knew we had did. we thought we had survived all the abuse by moving away from everyone of our abusers! it was a horrible 3 months and what they accomplished in a short period of time, was absolutely horrific!
thankfully and unbeknownst to us, our therapist has expertise in this area, personally and professionally. we could not have survived and gotten back on track without her. i believe god moved us to this place, to begin our journey of healing and blessed us with a therapist who, like you and kathy, is an expert on did.
sorry about the rambling…
Thank you, Laura, for the explanation.
Here is another question. Do all people with DID have little ones?
Hi partsofme –
Thanks for your kind words. 🙂
Yep, I’ll get on a level with whoever I’m talking to. I believe in meeting people where they are, and usually where the kids are is on the floor!
The kids need as much of a chance to tell their stories as anyone else in the system, so it’s very important to me to listen to them and talk to them if and when they want to talk to me. I want them to feel safe in doing that. So I guess my most general approach to working with the kids is to do what it takes to create that feeling for them. Usually it means being very gentle, and being honest with them without overburdening them, and letting them get to the hard stuff in their own time.
Do I give hugs? Well now. I do give hugs sometimes. 🙂
I agree that kids need hugs, and sometimes the situation just seems to demand one. If a kid is in tears or in pain or just in need of the comfort of a safe touch, I will do my best to offer that to them.
But I admit, I don’t give a lot of hugs.
This has nothing to do with that whole “no physical contact” policy that a lot of therapists have (I don’t have one of those), and it definitely isn’t because the kids have done anything wrong!
I don’t give a lot of hugs because it’s not the most natural gesture to me. I am much more of an “arm around the shoulders” person or a “comforting hand on the arm” person.
On the face of it, you can say that neither of those things are as good as a hug, but I would counter that the genuineness of the gesture is important and communicates as much as the gesture itself. A hug that feels awkward and tense is not going to be as comforting as an arm around the shoulders that feels warm and natural and safe.
I guess you could call it a side-hug, and maybe that would be a good compromise. 🙂
All of that being said, my in-person office work was not with DID people. I worked with a lot of young women who had been abused or hurt in some way, but none of them were DID. The DID people I have met in person have been through Kathy, and they were not my clients since I wasn’t an official therapist yet.
The thing I did most often with Kathy was to offer “DID 101” support to clients who were just trying to adapt to the diagnosis. As you might recall from your own experience, that can be a really difficult time. People have a lot of questions, and it can create chaos in the system as all the various system members react to being “found out”. I would talk with various system members who presented themselves, try to answer everyone’s questions, soothe their fears and calm their anger, and get them started on the basics of talking to and cooperating with each other.
Maybe in another blog post I can write in a little more detail about my journey to becoming a therapist. It took me a lot longer than it takes most people and I’ve done a lot of different things over the course of that time. But for now, I hope this answers your questions. 🙂
Hi Wren –
Good question! What are “programming issues”…
Some survivors were abused by organized groups who purposely create and exploit dissociation in their victims. These organized groups use mind control techniques, or programming, as part of their abuse.
It’s called programming because the various dissociated parts created or used by the organized group will be systematically and purposefully taught certain things, often through extremely cruel circumstances. Those parts will know only what they were taught. They will never have seen or experienced anything else, and they will blindly obey what they were taught because it is literally all they know.
For people who have experienced this kind of abuse, the programming will continue to influence their thoughts, actions, and behavior, sometimes without their awareness, until it is addressed as part of healing. Programming can be a challenge to resolve, not least because a lot of people (therapists included) don’t understand what it is or how to work with it.
Sometimes people use the term “programming” more broadly to mean any learned negative message. For example, all abusers have messages that they will repeat over and over as part of the abuse, like “don’t tell or else” or “this is your fault”. These messages become so ingrained that they keep the survivor in their grip even years later, still causing fear and shame until they are addressed and healed. Sometimes people will call these messages “programming”.
They are not incorrect to use the word that way, but when I say it, it’s referring to survivors who have been victims of organized abuse and mind control.
Programming and mind control is a huge and very complicated subject, but hopefully this gives you a start to understanding it.
Hi Laura,
I have programming issues that have become apparent.
Could you explain, very generally, what sort of approaches are used to help to resolve programming issues that come up in therapy?
Mine isn’t so much negative messages that have been ingrained, but it seems to be reactions and behaviors to certain triggers in the environment.
Thank you-
Neo
thanks laura! you sound extremely kind and knowledgeable. we have loved getting help and information from kathy and her blog; you will be an incredible asset. when you saw those of us with DID, the little ones that is, did you get on their level? our little ones have had experiences with therapists who sit in a chair, nod their heads and try to earn the trust of children. that may work with big people, but not the little ones. they are afraid to tell their stories and need love and kindness. what is/was your approach in a session? little ones need hugs sometimes, right??
welcome to DD! we are glad you made the decision to come.
Hello, Laura.
Thank you for giving answers to some questions.
What are “programming issues?”
Hi ME+WE – thanks for having the courage to ask the questions. 🙂
I can ramble all day about any number of topics, but it’s helpful to know what people actually want to read about.
So here are my answers to your questions:
I prefer to work directly with all the members of a system. Everyone is important, and everyone needs to be heard from. As an email consultant, because I’m not the regular full-time therapist for anyone here, I will never insist on alters speaking to me if they aren’t ready or don’t want to. But as far as whether I’m willing to speak to alters individually? Yes, absolutely.
That goes for the kids too. If they want to write to me, then I am very willing to engage with them. However, I encourage at least one of the responsible adults to keep an eye on that. Adult supervision for the little ones is a practice I encourage in general.
And that also goes for the angry ones, the suicidal ones, the destructive ones. Anyone and everyone. If they want to write to me, I will read what they have to say and I will respond to them directly as well.
I will be writing blog posts here on a semi-regular basis. This is still Kathy’s blog, so most of the posts will be hers, but I will be contributing as well. I can’t say just yet how frequently or infrequently. This is still so new, and in some respects, Kathy and I are still working out the details as we go along. That being said, I have a few more posts in the works, so hopefully you’ll be hearing more from me soon!
As to the nitty gritty…
Honestly, there is no reason at the moment why people should trust me. I just got here, and we don’t know each other yet. Having Kathy’s seal of approval may earn me a chance to prove myself, but I don’t expect more than that just yet.
I certainly hope this is for the long haul. I have not accepted this position lightly, and it’s not just a job to me. I’ve known Kathy for a long time, and my being here now is the end product of a lot of talking and dreaming and planning between the two of us, not just recently, but for a very long time. So although it felt surprising and new when it was announced, it wasn’t a decision that either Kathy or I made lightly. We gave it a lot of thought. I take this very seriously, and I’m not going away even if you push me away.
Beyond that, I think we’ll have to take our time and let things grow at their own pace. Trust and caring will both develop over time as we get to know each other. That won’t happen overnight, so let’s just go one step at a time and see where it takes us. 🙂
Hi Laura. Thanks for posting your thoughts here. As you well know, trust is a HUGE issue for us all. So, getting to know you is a good start on us building a trusting relationship. You already have a big head start because Kathy has given you her seal of approval. 🙂
Okay … I know that I have been talking way too much here on the website but I have a few questions to ask you (my apologies if you have already answered some, if not all, of these questions before).
What is your perspective on working directly with alters (i.e., do you feel that you should work solely with the host or do you feel that letting alters speak for themselves is okay/desirable/essential)?
What is your perspective on little ones (i.e., how do you work with little ones)?
What is your perspective on working with more potentially angry and /or destructive alters (i.e., those that are suicidal, wish to harm the host or other alters, etc.)?
Are you going to be writing blogs here?
Okay, let’s get down to the nitty gritty, some of my insiders are telling me to ask you why they should trust you, will you abandon us, will you stay here for the long haul even when we push you away, is this just a job for you, do you really care about us?