What do you need to know about Dissociative Identity Disorder?
If you’ve been reading recent blogs, you are well aware that I am continuing to expand this blog into a bigger community, with even more resource available for dissociative trauma survivors.
So while I’m working on building the new structure, I’d like to hear your input again. I have my ideas, of course, but let’s face it. Unless this blog has the information you need, what’s the point, right?
This is a large resource already, but I’m very sure that there are topics not yet covered. I know lots of topics need expansion — yes, of course. It’s certainly important to know what you want to know more about.
I’m also curious to see if you can show me the topics that haven’t had any exposure at all yet.
What have I forgotten to write about?
These are the kinds of questions I have in mind:
- What do you want to know about Dissociative Identity Disorder, but haven’t been able to find in this blog?
- What do you need to know about Dissociative Identity Disorder, but haven’t been able to find elsewhere?
- What questions do you need answered?
- If you could list five topics that need to be elaborated upon, what are those five topics?
It’s great if you are willing to post your thoughts as a public comment for other readers to see and bounce their own ideas with. I think that’s an important part of the educational experience, and it creates more sharing within the community.
However, I’ve also noticed that these private contact forms have given lots of readers greater willingness and freedom to reply, and because I really do want to hear your thoughts, so I’m happy to include this option as well.
[contact-form-7 id=”6192″ title=”What Do You Need To Know About DID”]
If you want to make sure to stay in touch with all the new changes, be sure to add your email today!
I wish you the best in your healing journey, and thank you for participating at Discussing Dissociation.
Warmly,
Kathy
PS: I love the ways these unique groups of mushrooms look like little groups of insiders! Connected together, yet separate from each other. Similar, but each unique. Bigs, littles, some sheltering others, some hiding in the back…
I don’t know about you, but I really like mushrooms. 🙂
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
what can we do about littles liking “Mom figures” and embarrassing us at times.
i wantnto no do are talker lady be discusted by us when we say yukky secrits 😔
Thank so, so much Kallena for answering me. So validating from you and others. I know DID is in its infancy stages but sharing between each other is so needed. I am 69 years old. Do not have the years it takes to fully recover. I consider DID to be Brain Trauma more the just mental illness. It help me and parts having more understanding of the brain altercation and the hope that we can do a bit of rewiring. Also we work with cooling down those parts of the brain that are over reacting with intense memories and new parts. I will as, medical science is making progress with the brain, keep up on the research. My parts seem to be highly in tuned to this information. They keep saying “More information”. Parts are working so hard to find and rejoin us all back together. OUT of the past and into 2016 but the brain to them is interfering. Nice they can do all the research work for me. I feel less crazy knowing others deal with studying the brain. Thanks again for all your time you spent helping us. Your right with all of your response. Need to pace healing ourselves. So glad today we have some mentor to comfort and guide us.
Sincerely
Dianne
Hi DIANNE – agree with you. A lot of healing is literally re-wiring the brain, and then the various aspects of the limbic and nervous systems (and all parts of the body too) to work differently.
We felt this really strongly too as we worked through all the issues all our parts had, and as we learned how to work together. Some of us could even as if literally see/feel the patterns of connections through our brain/body, and then how they changed, as it happened over many years.
We found a lot of research available now on how the brain develops from particularly the last trimester of pregnancy through the first years of life (and then later too) and how early trauma impacts on this that helped us understand what was happening to us. Everybody’s brain develops in relation to the other, older brains (people) around them as they grow, and all humans need a more mature brain/person to soothe them so they can learn to soothe themselves. A lot of it’s really dense reading on developmental neurobiology and psychodynamics but, it helped us understand what was happening to us (and what had happened to make us separate in the first place).
Given we have DID (or other forms of dissociation), it can be a given that we didn’t have anyone around when we were young who was able to or wanted to soothe us enough to manage the feelings of what we experienced. So, our brains/bodies developed with separate patterns of activation, to keep feelings and experiences that were too hard for us to manage away from other parts of our selves.
But, no-one can be “too slow” or not do this “the right way”. We would blame ourselves for being too slow and no good at it too, but there is no right speed or way to do any of this. It can’t be forced either. Everyone is unique and will heal and ‘change their brain’ at a rate that is possible for them, in the context of what supports you have available to help as it happens, and it all takes an awful lot longer than we would have liked.
It’s the old messages from our abusers still telling us we aren’t good enough and do everything wrong that keep us telling ourselves we are not doing things well enough.
I would like to hear from others their thoughts on the wiring of the brain. As my therapist had told me that our healing is rewiring the brain. After 2 years of research and talking with parts, I feel this has a lot to do with healing as I struggle to get thru to them. Its as though the brain, which creates the pathway to the different parts of our brain, has heavy duty road block set in place to protect the brain function. Something like that. Sort of like my home computer operates. Very early trauma esp. by prep’s that know how the brain develops…split it. Our brain does not fully develop till around 25. Infancy the wiring very little wiring has been achieved, so massive abuse would alter how the brain wires. They are just now a little more on how the brain works so all of us need to be patient. I feel as though it is my failure that I do not heal myself fast enough or the right way. I and the alters get blamed when I feel at times it is neither of us but the brain system itself.
Sorry for the typos – 2nd paragraph went a bit skewed… I meant: “Also, do people generally seem to have more or less parts that do grow up with the body and, have these parts necessarily all actually ‘been out and grown up’ or, do they only grow up if they are out, so some might turn up younger in therapy and only begin to grow up from that point? Or – is this different and unique for everybody with no patterns noticeable at all?”
Hi Kathy,
there’s one thing I’m rather interested in with regards to types of parts in DID that I’ve not seen addressed anywhere in the literature and I’d really love to hear if you have any insights about these from your experience.
It’s to do with the parts that can and do grow up with the body, as compared to those parts that don’t grow up with the body. I have been wondering for a long time – do you see any reasonably consistent patterns in people with regards to the purpose and especially, ultimate place in the system/overall personality for these different types of parts?
Also, do people generally seem to have more or less parts that do grow up with the body and, have they necessarily all actually ‘been out and grown upgrow up unless they are ‘out’? Or – is this different and unique for everybody? ‘ over time, or do they not
Regarding those parts that don’t grow up, are they usually ‘traumatised parts’ or, are they often also parts that know nothing or very little about the traumas?
Also, do people generally seem to have more or less parts that do grow up with the body and, have they necessarily all actually ‘been out and grown up’ over time, or do they not grow up unless they are ‘out’? Or – is this different and unique for everybody?
I’d be very interested in any insights re these differences in parts you might have come across at all.
I agree with Helen’s suggestion about more posts for those with DDNOS – either multiples without amnesia or with amnesia but without being quite as separated/dissociated as you find in alters.
I’d also like to hear about therapy which is not the traditional talking therapy, eg art therapy, sensorimotor approaches, and any animal-related or other kind of practical based therapy.
It’s silencia. Silly typo on the name. Sorry.
To answer the question: it comes with the comment from the blog entry about dos and don’ts for singleton friends. The exact quote is: “Do NOT ask “Who’s here now?” If we wanted you to know we would tell you.”
We know Kathy is a singleton and not a friend but still needed clarification. Think we understand better now. Thanks for that.
Feeling still like we don’t belong anywhere, an alien.. We want to but seems that there are things that feels that way.
Wish that could change but … Maybe not possible.
Thanks for your response, Kellena.
Ah….. ok, Silencia, you are referring to this post:
Do’s and Don’ts for Singleton Friends of Multiples
And yes, I posted that, but I didn’t write that.
That article was given to me by someone who stated it was written by a group of DID survivors — an anonymous group of multiples, who wrote this to give to their friends. I don’t actually know WHO wrote it specifically — it was presented in one of the DID groups that I managed for years.
This list is years and years old at this point. We might need to do a group update for that!
Thanks for reading, and it’s always good to hear your thoughts on things. 🙂
And hopefully, everyone who is dissociative feels like they belong HERE. You are certainly welcome to be part of this community. 🙂
Warmly,
Kathy
Are we really ok? Is it ok for us to not be able to speak? Do we need to have a “system” name? Is it unusual to feel totally out of place like you don’t belong anywhere? Does every system present the same? Do we have to have a system name? Why do we prefer for others such as therapists to ask for us individually while Kathy writes that should not be asked of a multiple. Does that mean we aren’t DID? Does questioning the validity of the diagnosis go with it? Do we even belong here?
Hi Sikencia,
Thanks for your comment. I have one quick question for you though. I’m not sure what you are referring to when you said I write that it should not be asked of a multiple to be asked for individually??? I’m not sure what you are referencing, but let me clarify with you —-
ESPECIALLY in therapy, I think it is very very okay for therapists to ask for the system people individually. It’s okay to wait till everyone (or that specific someone) feels ready for that — so I don’t force it to happen, but by all means I am very very very okay with that. I couldn’t do therapy with DID folks unless I did ask for the specific insiders. I think it is mandatory. In my opinion, the therapist does have to talk to the inside people individually. Lots of times. Over and over.
I do know other therapists take a different approach and encourage the “front person” to not switch to others. I just disagree with that as a “requirement”. It can happen, and there are times when that is a reasonable and appropriate approach, but to insist on it at all times is ridiculous.
Does that make more sense for you?
Warmly,
Kathy
Hi sikencia – I’m really glad Kathy’s already replied to you. I just wanted to say that every single thing you ask about sounds totally ‘usual’ for someone who is multiple to me. Many of us couldn’t speak for a long time. Some people have overall ‘system names’, others don’t and everyone has their own way of being. Every single system for every single person with DID will be absolutely unique. No two will be the same, ever. I still feel like I don’t belong anywhere.
And – all of us always wanted our T (especially!) to call each of us by our separate names and, she always did. Each separate part deserves and needs respect for who they are. Each person’s therapy has to be suited to who they (and all their parts) are, how they work and how they want and need to be treated and that will be different for everyone. There can never be only one “right way” that suits everyone, all the time.
It’s OK to be all of you, how you are. x
I want to know hiw do other people with this fall asleep. I never sleep. Because theres too much noise and talking and memories and everything. I dont know how to go to sleep at night. I cant shut things off.
We want to know, does everyone in the world feel like theyre down inside a long tunnel looking out at the world? And theyre not part of the world. Just lost in the tunnel.
we want to know how come our body feels so different when we switch. like jodie can feel the braces on her teeth. and tuck can feel two teeth missing. and mindy can feel her top two teeth missing. and why some of us get sick but some of us never does. how we supposed to believe we all share 1 body when we each feel our own?
Having DID and my family.
I can’t have, ” mood Swings”; it’s not acceptable to be so grouchy.
I also don’t have childcare for my little girls and only have care on weekends when my Husbabd is home. ( usually 1 day; Sat or Sun; unless he works the whole weekend).
I don’t work and rely on his income.
I can’t access treatment due to cost; he doesn’t have insurance coverage for DID treatment and
refuses to babysit every weekend; as he has things to do.
( he & my Aunt dont think I’ll get better by talking about my past and ” living in the past”.)
I’d like to start treatment but am worried I don’t have friends or family to support me.
If I start therapy via long distance phone-
My Husband is worried if I have a breakdown or issues- who can I go to for support?
Kathy; it’s not that I don’t want to restart therapy.
It’s all these concerns and now I have kids …
How do we do this??
Fr: Marianne
Hi Calista – we never had ECT (were really glad about that!) but we found that some psych meds made it feel as if some parts died. So, we stopped taking those meds and the parts were back and OK after the meds wore off.
Hope the same thing can happen for the parts that feel like they die from ECT – that after time the effects wear off and they are back.
I’m sorry you mess up electronics too, but glad that someone understands. We need to know what ECT does to different parts. Some feel like they are dying.
The comments from a couple of people about “blowing out electronics” now really resonate, but again no-one seems to write or talk about things like that.
We had soooo many weird feelings through the body for soooo long – “like blowing out electronics” is a really good way of describing it. Weird feelings – different types – some like electric shocks, some like super-fine tingling waves going through different parts of the head/body. Also electric-type shocks/feelings going through the eyes and vision changing… In the end it seemed like these came with switching to some parts (but not others). Then, over the years, it faded. But no-one ever seemed to talk about things like that. Would have helped a lot to know it wasn’t just us who had those sorts of things happen.
Also more about how powerful body memories can be – the comment about how real bruises can show up in now, real bleeding can happen in now too, pain can be so real in now it actually ends up showing up on ultrasounds and x-rays etc. One time we ended up having surgery for things that showed up on scans and doctors were convinced we had cancer but, turned out to be nothing ‘in now’ but a body memory.
This thing how DID is separate and different from ‘somatisation disorder and conversion disorder’ is wrong. So so much of having parts is so physical and we feel it in our bodies – just seeing others write about it here helps so, would help more to have it formally written about somewhere too.
Also about different effects of medications and all kinds of drugs (and ECT!) on different parts – but that I guess would vary for everyone just as it does for the different parts everyone has.
Kallena Kucers
May we agree with Pilgrim about blowing out electronics? We need to understand it better. And what are the effects, if any, of having ECT treatments for depression while having DID? Will it kill others inside?
do other people be ashamed of having DID?
do other people feel like their brain is made of swiss cheese?
do other people feel like having DID makes them bad?
i want to know.
kathy i want to know, how come when we space out, we can see ourselves down below and it be like we are up on the ceiling floating? that happened so many times but we dont know why. or how. love, rylie
Difference between DID and MPD, and whether alters and facets of personality or whatever are either there or not, or are they on a continuum of more or less?
Hi Jean!
Good to see you hear again. I’ve been missing your beautiful comments…. 🙂
I hope you are doing well.
Warmly,
Kathy
we want to learn how to share time with people better. like when just a few of us get to talk to our therapist, its hard to take turns, and others have to wait and wait, but we all have so much to say that its overwhelming, and sharing her is difficult, because EVERYONE thinks their stuff is really important to say and theres so many stories we need to tell.. we need to come up with some way to share better but we arent sure how.
Thank you for asking! I have a few questions, you could speak to, if that works for you.
1. What now? My parts have shared trauma, memories, abuse, etc. they have a great working relationship with my T and feel comfortable to come and talk anytime. I’m the one that is struggling…I thought when they were done, I would be too. Oops! Now I need to work through what I’ve heard, things I remember and all the emotions around that. I’m not a cryer, but dang, I can’t seem to shut the tears down.
I’ve been on a fast-track to therapy going multiple times a week, sessions no less than 90 min. and others at 120 or more. We find ourselves dealing with the immediate crisis, which is good and bad. Right now it’s hard bc I’m trying to “do therapy” and the parts are needing time too. I am in full support (always have been) of them healing, and working through trauma.
2. Body Memories- you have addressed them before, but I was wondering if you have seen the physical signs along with the pain, (e.g., bruises where trauma/abuse happened).
Thanks,
K
i want to no do other pepol with DId have dreams with the other inside pepol in them. and do each inside person have there own dreams. that what we do all the time but we dont ever hear if any buddy else be like that. becase we each have are own dreams. missy have bad dreams about the bad pepol every night. but blue have lots of dreams where her flying. and mae always have sad dreams about pepol she misses and loves. things like that. does other pepol do that?
i want to know if there are any other people with DID that gets too much electricity in their body when they got too many feelings and memories and do they make electronics blow out like we do. it happens all the time and its weird.
and we want to know about how to take care of a kid that has DID. like to help them not make things worse.
and we want to know about how come some inside people know about each other and how come some dont and what makes the diffrence.
love, wendy
Is it the same process to heal for people with parts and not full DID? I can’t seem to find much info on the net about it.
The biggest lingering question that I have yet to find any direction on is: who does the therapist work with? Who do I work with? When working with problem insiders.. Who to treat? Where to start? It gets so overwhelming when insiders battle for time with the therapist. It also gets difficult when trying to work through very difficult insiders.
About the time I think I have it, something else comes up.
Also, it is hardly ever talked about. More information should be out there concerning the similarities where DID and BPD are concerned. Too often DID doesn’t get treated because therapists are reluctant to make that dx.
For me.. I went YEARS of telling therapist after therapist that there were insiders. Too much time went by that I/they were not heard. Oh yeah,,, there was the denial part. But then when I try to poor my heart and soul out to someone I finally “trust”. , I don’t get belief. I can’t do anything about what the therapist does or doesn’t believe.. I just don’t want others who have been dx of BPD, knowing they have insiders.. Be left in the dark as I was.
I never wanted integration but it happened anyway. It was very intense, And not complete. I don’t know how long it lasted. It fel like drowning and breathing at the same time. All new. Felt walls being washed away while being tossed in a storm.
My system now isn’t sure what to do or who does what or whose left. How can something be better and worse at the same time. Do people get used to being few ?
My healing journey started 10 years ago and I chose – online support, Without therapy support. I think I came threw those years easier than others sometimes. I had do my work, alone but creative .
But these changes ! How to live this all new. What do you do about changes like this ?
Thank you ! I love reading here.
we want to know what happens in your brain when you make new inside people. how do that happen?
and we want to know what it be like inside a brain that have only 1 person?
I thought of something else. I would love to know what you think or have experienced is possible for DID folks once they have reached a good level of healing. What is the prognosis, the expected potential, etc on average or in typical cases? Related to this….is it possible and is it a good/bad idea for a “healed” DID person to study or work in the field of psychology/therapy. Do you know of any cases where it’s been a good thing? Thanks.
Hi Kathy –
I think you’ve already highlighted this in the past but, one of the things I would have appreciated hearing (or reading!) about DID back in the day when I was trying to find out more about it is that there is no “right or wrong way to have DID and live dissociated”.
Too often in the literature it seems the “models of dissociation” are stressed, or otherwise the DSM or ICD-10 criteria for diagnosis yet – these aren’t even the same and in some ways the criteria are even contradictory.
Also, in well over 10 years of reading and studying as well as living our own work with our own system, we’ve never ever found one single “case study” that even remotely seemed to echo the structure of our system, or even any description of therapy (eg: the ISSTD guidelines for therapy for DID) that really seems to ‘fit’ how our own therapy has been. For us along the way it’s been as it’s needed to be at the time, as we’ve been impacted on by life events happening around us as well as what’s happening in our system, and this isn’t something that fits neatly into some formula. The nearest to a ‘fit’ for this is the memes going around that stress that recovery is not a linear process, that it’s more like a spiral. That the same things get re-visited over and over and over again, just in slightly different ways each time (though – this also applies just as much to psychodynamic therapy for those who do not dissociate!).
This sense that there are “correct ways to be DID and to do therapy for DID” left us feeling very different and isolated for a long time, until I began to realise that no 2 people with DID had systems the same anyway, so each person would experience life differently and also therapy would obviously be a different experience for everybody as no 2 people with DID and also no 2 therapists are alike anyway and each dyad creates their own way of being and working together.
So, things like this mystical thing called “stabilisation” will be different for each person and, the “working through trauma” will happen for each person as it does, and that may be very different to how it happens for the next person.
Sure, there are some similarities – particularly in the overall experience of what it is to live as many parts, that those who do not and have never known anyone who does simply ‘don’t get’, and the media sensationalism re DID doesn’t help people understand either.
The other aspect of therapy for DID that no-one mentioned earlier on, and maybe that was actually a good thing, was that in the end it seemed to work out that the things in life that have proper “trauma words” for them, like incest and torture, were, in the end, easier to work through than the things that happened when very very young, the times well before words. The feelings associated with the parts from these times were so so much more intense and overwhelming than anything the older ones who’d lived through experiences for which there are words, even if those words are really horrible and terrifying ones. The feelings of grief and loss, that in the “guidelines for treating DID” seem so relatively minor compared to the stage 2 that sounds so terrifying and dramatic (working through trauma!), was actually much, much more difficult to live through than the memories of the ‘official traumas’. The sense of abandonment from finally realising how much it hurts to have never had “a parent who loved you” hurt so much more than any of the ‘torture’. No-one ever warned us that could be so hard.
The other thing that it would have helped to know earlier (though, I’m not sure we’d have been able to ‘hear and understand this properly earlier, due to the way our system worked), is that your own system won’t let you find out and know any more about DID than it is ready to let you know and find out. That no-one who dissociates can know all there is to know about DID, or even about their own system, until their own system is ready to let them know and, you may not know when (or if!) that is. The whole point of dissociation is to hide from events and feelings that were much too hard and, the system will keep hiding these things from you, even if you are not aware that it’s doing so. This necessarily leaves all people who dissociate with blind-spots, that they then can’t see in others as well as themselves. Because of this it can be end up very tricky to be a part of a ‘support group for DID’ that is run and managed by others with DID. All may mean well but, the potential for misunderstandings and conflict and splitting when underlying parts and reactions are triggered is really great. I can think I know “all of myself” now as everything feels so different to how it used to but, just as easily I could be wrong and my system might still be hiding something from me as it has in the past.
Hi Kathy
You wrote this…………………As the memories surface, feelings will also surface. Expressing genuine emotion is key to working through depression. Crying tears of grief, screaming out in anger, quivering in fear may not feel comfortable, but holding these very real and intense emotions deep within will create long-term depression. Allowing these emotions to come out safely and appropriately – even if years after the original point of acquiring these emotions – will help.
We are wondering “how to” do this? How do we connect to feelings?
I find that therapists can tell us what we need to do but can’t tell us HOW. and to be honest….if I hear from my therapist one more time the answer she ALWAYS give us is….”well we just keep talking about it” I think I will scream. That is no longer an answer for us……..cuz all we DO is talk about it and it changes nothing. We can’t connect to the feelings. So if you could expand more on the “how tos” for things I think it would be VERY helpful!
Also you wrote this……….Your feelings will need lots and lots of processing time. Talk, cry, draw, write, vocalize what you are feeling as many hours and hours over time as you feel these feelings. If you have been holding your emotions in for years of time, it will take oodles of time for these feelings to be worked through. Talking about it once or twice won’t be enough. Pushing feelings back down into non-expression will create more depression. While it will be very new territory to learn how to express your feelings, it is a necessary step.
I would like to know “HOW TO DO THIS”. Feelings always disappear into that non-existent place and we feel powerless to stop it, it just happens, it is like wham-now we are numb.
Thanks
Laura
Hi Kathy,
I am working with someone with severe DID, and we are struggling with stabilization and containment of abusive/angry alters. Any wisdom you’d be willing to share is SO appreciated!
Thank you,
Jennifer
Thanks for trying to make this even better Kathy!! 🙂 I love the post where you have listed all the articles (although I think there’s some gaps?) and if you have time I’d love to see a list that’s organized by topic in addition to the chronological one. I know there are tags and things but it isn’t quite the same. I still have a ton left to read on your blog (I only found it like a month ago) so it’s possible that the following has already been addressed but in case it helps I have a particular interest in these things (coming at this from a new-to-DID world):
It seems very hard to find info online or in print that addresses or even acknowledges unique aspects of experiencing DDNOS/OSDD – in other words DID without day-to-day amnesia aspects. Being still conscious and in your head while another part is running the body, having to watch and listen and see other people’s reactions, and trying to guide or help that part while stuck inside your own head. The difference between mood switches and parts switching (if there is one?!). The crazy confusion of co-fronting and blending and parts ‘near the surface’ and having hosts that work together and all that, especially when you’re still getting the hang of who all is living in your body. The extremely bizarre experience of having a part write to you in your journal without you leaving your body (!!)
What is the ‘right’ way for spouses/partners to behave when littles come out in their presence to talk/play or when a little is having a flashback?
How much or how little should you discuss the DID aspects of your life with a partner who did not sign up for this?
A guide for partners who are living with a co-conscious spouse where everything is more hidden and subtle than when amnesia is involved? Something to help them feel comfortable about learning that they married someone who is all split up when neither partner realized before?
I understand that DID is a creative response to trauma and therefore most are artists in one form or another but what about the few who have completely blocked off creativity from a young age, ie perceives self as entirely unimaginative and no artistic talent or skill? Is that locked in to another part and if so how to access it?
How to handle a dark part who does not want to be known or detected? Who hides behind other parts and uses them to voice or act out verbal/physical abuse/suicidal suggestion towards the host, creating confusion, betrayal and mistrust between parts. In a situation where there does not appear to be history of programming or organized abuse.
How to know when you are stabilized enough to work on the trauma aspects?
What exactly should ‘stable’ look like? What are we aiming for?
How useful or not are things like psychological testing, DBT groups, support groups?
Is it truly necessary to have a support system? Like a therapist who lets you contact them outside your appt time? Or friends who know you have mental health problems? Is it possible to just muddle through by yourself? What could a crisis plan look like if you don’t have any of the things that usually go in a crisis plan?
That’s all I can think of right now. Thanks for seeking input! 🙂 I hope it helps!