Quick Thought to Consider:
I had a conversation this week that reminded me of a very important “thinking spot” for trauma survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Which is worse — being multiple? Or being dissociative?
With multiplicity, you are leading a life combined with lots of others inside, making everything a plural existence.
Being dissociative — in the way that I am referencing the term for the sake of this article — is about dis-associating, not associating, and not being aware of what is happening. It’s separating yourself from whatever is happening, and being the ostrich who is absolutely not looking. It’s about time loss, not being present, and not being aware. It’s the amnesia that occurs between the insiders.
In your opinion, which is more dangerous, and which creates more problems in your life?
What are your thoughts about these questions?
This is a “quick spot”, so I’m not going to delve deep into all the pro’s and con’s right at this moment.
But I have a quick answer.
In my opinion, it’s not the multiplicity that is the ultimate problem.
Being many people and having many parts inside — while incredibly challenging, yes — does not have to get in your way of high functioning. You can be very multiple, have a whole system of inside people, and still be very successful at whatever it is that you do. This requires excellent team work and internal communication skills, of course, but it is absolutely possible.
In my opinion, one of the things that can potentially knock you down and mess with your life in a matter of a few disastrous seconds is time loss, especially the amnesiac version of time loss, where you don’t know what happened while you were “away”.
If you lose time, then that means ANYthing can be happening.
It means others in your system are able to be, or required to be, completely separate from you and many others in your system. That kind of separation or segregation can certainly impact healthy living and safe choices. It increases vulnerability and leaves some of your system members stuck in places they can’t get out of.
When there is time loss, and a void of not knowing what is happening, there is little or no accountability for what is happening.
This means ANYthing could be happening — good, bad, scary, neutral, happy, sad, etc etc.
For example, you could be struggling away at maintaining a healthy diet all week, and someone else can come out, without your awareness, and binge on their hidden stash of chocolate and cookies. Your efforts at weight loss will be completely undermined, and you might not realize why.
A far more serious example is when someone in your system comes out, without your awareness, and has conversations or interactions with dangerous people of one variety or another. Or they could be involved in some form of self-abuse or self-harm or suicidal behavior. These periods of time loss could lead to any number of scary outcomes, of course.
If there was no time loss — meaning, even if you switched from one person to the other, but were aware of what the others were doing — there could be a chance at negotiating these problem spots in life. A compromise or a healthy solution could be arranged.
Hmmmmm….
Here are a few other Dissoci-ACTION “thinking spots”:
- How does time loss affect your life?
- How do you work with your system to decrease time loss between you?
- If you were a team, without time loss between any of you, how would that impact your life?
- Would you want to know what’s happening in your life at all times of day and night?
For more information and discussion about time loss or missing time, take the time to watch the following video:
What do you think? Ever thought about switching or losing time during in your sleep? It can happen, so…. please alert folks in your system to watch for this.
As always, I’d be glad to hear your thoughts on these topics. Please feel free to leave your comment below.
And of course, I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
Losing time as the adult in the system can lead to lots of lousy things happening if I even turn my back and space out for a bit. It is an incredibly frustrating issue for me right now. Sort of an “I want to scream and tear things up right now” sort of frustration.
Being dissociative and losing time is absolutely the worst! I and my inside family have been in therapy for several years and as one layer of kids and/or teens heals and moves forward to the present time, another layer of kids/teens comes forward or is found hiding inside that needs help and healing. As each group or layer of kids/teens starts being helped, I (the “main outside adult”) start losing time again because the new group does not yet know or accept the “family rules” regarding my always being co-concious with whoever comes out in the body and what times/places are appropriate or not appropriate for them to come out in the body.
The biggest problem is that sometimes one or more of the teens (usually) of the new group will figure out, from secretly watching me, how to contact my employer/supervisor and will text or call my supervisor, without my knowledge, saying that I am sick and can’t work just a few hours before a shift that I am scheduled to work. I find out the next day or several days later that I had been blocked from conscious awareness and had missed work when I end up being in trouble and being disciplined by my supervisor for missing work.
These new layers/groups of kids/teens don’t understand that I have to maintain a full time job to keep the bills paid so we can stay far away from all the people who abused us in the past. All they know is they want to stay at home where they feel safe, so they make it happen. It takes a lot of time to teach them and get them to understand and accept that making me miss work is something that they cannot and must not do if they want us to stay physically independent and far away from the abusers.
This happened to me again just this past Friday night (04/24/2020). I woke up when my alarm clock sounded at 6 PM to get ready for work. I don’t remember anything else until about 7 PM Saturday night (04/25/2020). I didn’t know that I had missed work until I got a message from my supervisor regarding disciplinary measures being implemented because “I” had called in sick just 3 hours prior to my shift, which left them scrambling to try to get my shift covered. I couldn’t tell her about the DID and that I didn’t know about another part of me calling in. I had to rapidly figure out how to respond to the situation. I ended up getting my hours cut from being full time to being on-call only, which means that I now may or may not get any hours to work depending on if someone else needs their shift covered.
I don’t know what I am going to do now about paying rent and other bills. I have worked so hard, for so long, to maintain full time employment at the same time as we have been working through healing from the many abuses that happened to us, especially the SRA, from 2 years old until we got away when I was 18 years old. I have had numerous jobs lost over the years because of missing too many scheduled shifts when someone inside blocked me out and called in sick to my employer. I really like my current job, and I really need this job. It’s not as stressful and difficult as some other jobs I have had, and I feel good about how I have been able to help other people in this job. Now, because of dissociation and time loss happening AGAIN, I face losing yet another job.
It’s very frustrating! I am also finding that the old records in my brain have started to play over and over in my mind again, telling me what a no-good loser I am, how I will never amount to anything, and saying that I should just quit trying to pretend that I have anything good to contribute to anyone. I logically know those messages are old lies from past a users, but at times like this they still get to me and tear away at my confidence in myself.
Reba
04/26/2020
Oh my, Reba (MyCircleOfLife)….that all must be SO SO HARD on you….but I must say that I SO admire your determination to work through all those groups and layers one by one….the way that you teach each layer what the rules are just takes my breath away – Inside doesn’t even know what to do with it…..
The loss of job hours and the parts not wanting to go to work is like the double-whammy of having to deal with havoc – it is Outside AND Inside at the SAME time….THAT is ROUGH…..I am hoping with you that things will work out…you HAVE worked SO hard……
I have parts who DON’T want to work either – they are overwhelmed with everything and just want to get away from it all – but luckily my Outside Worker part has been stronger and we have not called in sick….but then there is Internal havoc because the tired parts feel like they weren’t being heard and get mad and then Rage steps in ticked off at us for NOT calling in…..we have SO much “unused” vacation and sick time that we are losing access to it….yet we are too terrified to take the time off because of panic that we won’t be doing what we are “supposed” to be doing (our job) and then what will the consequences be…..sometimes we DID wish we had a part who would step up and just call in for us….but our fear of NOT doing our “job” is too great…..
Reading your post – maybe it’s a GOOD thing a part hasn’t stepped up to help us out…your experience was an eye-opener for us…..our heart goes out to you, Reba….hang in there….we are with you….
MissyMing
04/29/20
Im so confused. I cant figure out how time works, How can I be here, in 1989 in my house with my family and high school, and still this body be in this place where its 30 years in the future and this isnt my body and my family isnt here? Im not dissociative . Im a normal teenager. It feels like Im in a dream. I know whats real. My world is real. My room,house, and family, and high school, are real. How can I be in both places? hOw can I see myself typing on my typewriter but these hands are typing on a little tv?
I don’t understand at all.
I don’t understand exactly what email address is but I know Im supposed to type a certain thing. I feel like I must be crazy
Hi Jessie,
WOW … those are a lot of really big and really important questions you are asking. Honestly, I am not sure how to answer them. I do not want to upset your world in any way okay. So, maybe read this with one of the big people in your world. Maybe they would be able to explain it as you read.
It is confusing to find yourself not where you thought that you were. The thing is that you live in a body with others. That body got older with time … the 30 years you said here. You got frozen in time. Something happened and BAM you got stuck where you were. It is kind of the magic of being a part of an insider’s world. So, for you, time has not changed. You are still in your 1989 house and life. But, the body and others in your system/world, they got older. Maybe other parts got stuck even younger than you before 1989.
The thing is Jessie, the body is now in 2019. That is the here and now. You may live in 1989 in your inside world, but the outside world part of where you live (in the body) is in 2019. Ya … really confusing right? But, it does help explain what you are seeing and experiencing in the here and now right? And, maybe some of the things that you have seen and experienced over the past 30 years.
Say, I be Tom and be talking with my buddy Jessie okay. So Jessie, I be 12 you know that. I be very different then this old woman body I gots to stay in. I don’t be liking that but I know that that is the here and now. That’s okay cause I live on the beach inside and I can do all kinds of fun stuff and I don’t got to be old. But, the outside place I live in be old. That’s okay cause the outside body has some nice friends that I be liking too. They don’t live on the beach with me and the little ones. They live with the outside old lady. But, I get to have fun in both places cause I can ride my bike and have my adventures inside and still visit my new friends on the outside. So, it really is double-double fun.
ME+WE
we think that losing time is the hardest thing.. especially when things happen and we get sick because of what was taught to the parts who are out. we continue to have lines of communication open…letting the insiders know that the outside abuse isn’t happening anymore. It’s not quite working the way we want it to work.
Rainbow
We don’t know who wrote the comment from pilgrims private stuff. We didn’t= know we did that. It is some kind of secret email that we didn’t know about=
. It always feels really weird when things like that happen.somewhere inside.
there are more people that we don’t know about. It’s a surprise because we
thought we had found everybody. It’s interesting and a little scary at the same time.sometimes it feels like new people popping out is never going to end.
We uses to have a best friend
We took her with us when we visit familly
We lost lots of time 1 nitght
We woke up outside at 2:00 in the dark but we couldnt remember anything since supper. We did be by the fiire crying. We didnt know what was happening. She said we got mad at her and called her names and was yelling. We dont remember doing any of that 🙁 That was probably one of the reasons she stopped being friends with us 🙁 when we lose time i think we must act bad.
Hey Kathy just wanted you to know, I didn’t get your email yet. I know you are incredibly busy, so it’s just a gently reminder
If anyone would like to coach us on how to not loose so much time and still know most of the system, please advise! Wanting to learn this…
I found this today
We wrote it a very long time ago maybe 2004 abut losing time
I’m completely baffled. Monday went well. Good therapy session. My therapist and I were even talking about how I’ve met my goals for the summer for the most part. I felt really good about that. A little bit proud even. Then we also started talking about how every october, i tend to take big steps backwards in my recovery. i start doing more self injury and more eating disorder stuff. and i DO NOT want to do that again this year. no way. i’ve been trying to figure out why every october is so difficult. so i got into a conversation with my sister. which led to discussions about the past. which led to a lot of dissociating on my part. and … DAMMIT…somehow i have really, really been losing track of time the past 2 days. My therapist called me real quick tonight. She said that she has gotten 8 (EIGHT!!) phone messages from me in 2 days. I was completely shocked. And not only that, but also that I had called and talked to the secretary, about cutting. What the HELL??? Why in the world would i do that?i have really, really been losing time. I have no idea what Nobody, Mae, or the others have been doing. it scares me so much. it hits me that i have no clue whats been going on. i hate it when people tell me things that i’ve been doing, when i had no idea. i thanked my therapist for letting me know… that way i can do something about it, since i know now…. but geesh,i feel like such a clueless, shameful, embarassed idiot
I’m not territorial, I have a free time so, I like to visit various sites. Great articite, Kathy Broady, actually your article titled, 20 types of dissociative splits, number #12, but really several of them, gave us wonderful ah moment to help my therapist with the second go around diagnosed twice now.
That is funny about spots and stuff. I think we have to be important and not let things destroy us when it comes to terms especially from research. This article on your site Kathy, reminds me of site I visited that drew a correlation to being multiple versus the newer term dissociative identity disorder. I thought this wasn’t mostly about old school thinking, or maybe just the update in the DSM-5. There was a whole comparison of DID vs MPD versus the amount of trauma, I thought it went off the deep end of okay, tomato tomotto all the same difference. Wish I could find that site again lol.
To answer the question, I like to think that dissociative keeps us a little more covert instead of living life as plural except for places like this on blogs and website, and in therapy especially with knowledgeable therapist at least willing to accept and understand us. It is important, loss time amnesia, but not really what should be paid attention to daily. I guess, for example, if a friend, is in a switch accepting the diagnoses and I’m giving her an example then she or an alter is constantly fighting it.. Like I have yall recorded!…Then we are like detectives which can make us crabby, accusatory, work on our trust level with some systems. I guess that is why good healthy transference and dependence is wonderful and an obedient client….Journaling is really helpful, honesty and people just wanting to overall get better.
Team78
Hi Kathy –
definitely “diss-associating” is and always was much more harmful and difficult to manage than simply “being multiple” though when we first began to confront the fact that there were many of us, some were utterly terrified just of the fact there were many, as well as terrified of specific others as well. It was different for different parts. Some always knew we were many and so it was no big deal for them, but others didn’t and for them it was super tough to get used to the fact they weren’t ‘the only one in here’. It was also super tough for some parts to be willing to get to know others as they’d been terrified of them for all their lives. It’s not easy to learn to accept someone (even if that ‘someone’ is a part of you as the same person overall) who has been hurting you or trying to kill you for as long as you can remember. It’s also not easy for someone who truly believes they need to hurt someone else to stay safe enough, or that someone else really needs to die, to learn that things aren’t really like that and that they’re better off learning to cope in a different kind of way.
But overall, it was always the ‘not knowing’ what had happened, and also not even being aware that we were not aware of what had happened or was happening that was most harmful. Too often that led to becoming involved in further very dangerous and abusive situations as those who recognised danger were not present or involved to let us know to keep away.
Conflicts would arise with other people too as we’d switch and someone would say and do things in total opposition to what another part had been saying and doing earlier. We were always too scared and embarrassed to tell others we were many back then so, trying to explain away these inconsistencies was really tough.
Also, often the parts ‘out’ for us were not even aware that they would miss things. It was only as we began to achieve greater communication between us and some degree of co-consciousness that we became aware of how much we in fact did miss. Somehow, the system overall would not even let us notice that we missed time a lot, or didn’t really know why we were were we were, what we were supposed to be doing or how we’d got there, and we’d just conveniently manage to ‘not hear’ the comments made by people around us re how come we didn’t remember what had happened. This really caused problems though as we’d have no idea why we’d apparently ended up in situations we did and at times ended up in situations that weren’t good for us.
Once we got to know each other better and managed to stop arguing and fighting and hurting each other and began to co-operate, things changed (this took a long, long time though – years of really intensive therapy). It was really quite good ‘being multiple’ like that – with the exceptions of those parts who felt really, really bad, and flashbacks and body memories coming through to the others when they were triggered, of course. But, being multiple was an advantage as if things got too tough with these things then it was always possible for whoever was out to decide to just go away. Most of the time we could find a place inside our head to go where things didn’t hurt and that was really good.
I miss being able to do that any time I want to now. Miss it a lot sometimes because feelings can and do hurt, a lot.
And – re your last question – yes, we used to switch in our sleep. Would wake up to find things had happened we had no idea about – usually things that upset those of us who were around most of the time, who knew each other, too. Took even longer to stop those kinds of things happening as the parts that would come out like that seemed to be the ones that didn’t want to know the rest of us (and didn’t like what we were doing), and didn’t want us to know them. But, we did find a fair few like that eventually and as far as we / I can tell, there are none like that still hanging around any more.
I don’t want to say that things are all wonderful for me/us now – they’re not. But, it’s tough, reading comments here from so many people who are still in a place where they are experiencing so many really tough things from so many parts that are so separate and obviously really hurt and traumatised and upset. Sending all my love to everyone and hoping you can all find the help you need to find healing for all the parts of yourselves. x
Kathy, personally for myself I think both are equally bad, being a multiple is frightening and being dissociative is severe. I understand being dissociative is the SEVEREST form of mental illness now THAT’S scary. I hate both and especially when one or more are suicidal and they are stronger than my 3 yr old or other children. I personally have to be careful what I say that may offend my older alters, my friends and people that know I have D.I.D. like my 3 yr old part and they like talking to my 3 yr old part to I do have other children one new one recently it’s just that children do not trust too well. Older alters CAN BE aggressive if they feel they are being treated unfairly, they can get VERY upset. You also asked, do you switch in your sleep? I am beginning to think I am, I wake up and find bruises on my arms, legs, thighs, and sometimes feet, gee I hope no one hears me in my apt they might wonder. My therapist tells me that his patients that are D.I.D. do not want to be multiples at all. I am curious, do you do therapy? Still see patients or do consults?
Hi mkmfrommnandwi,
You’ve made good points. It is most certainly difficult having all sorts of insiders, especially when so many of them are still experiencing some struggles in their healing process. There’s no doubt about it — its not easy being one person with emotional upset, let alone being 20 or 30 (??) people with varying stages of emotional upset. It’s a difficult road meeting the needs of everyone inside, never mind everyone outside!
And yes, building trust, and gaining that sense of safety is enormously important.
As far as doing consultations…. I’ll email you.
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Somehow your posts always resonate with me. I too wake up with bruises, or scratches, not knowing where they come from. I have also had somatic symptoms such as having nighttime flashbacks of abuse and being held down, and having eczema on wrists, hands, ankles, and feet. I have never had eczema before, and it is unusual for it to show up in your late 40’s. I also find if I drink alcohol because if being triggered in social situations, sometimes 1 or 2 drinks can make me so inebriated that I can’t remember or even walk, I realize I am in my child state, and cannot tolerate alcohol. I don’t drink much, as it scares me, to not know who I’ll be sometimes.
I agree, losing time is difficult and scary; being told what happened, or worse, not ever knowing. Although it is not a preferred way to function, at times, when I am blindsided by triggers, I’m thankful I can “go away”. I also know it is a coping mechanism that I use, and it is not helpful. I’m working diligently to communicate this on the inside. So far, it has been good. I’m not losing the time I used to lose. I like the comment about “negotiating these problems”. Thanks!
hello didandme12,
Thanks for your comment. I really like the approach you are taking to building more communication with your insiders, and working to stay more present instead of going away. It’s a life-practice to re-learn, so it doesn’t change easily, but you are very right in your understanding that in the present time, now that you are an adult, it’s not the best option overall. So well done to you.
Keep up the great work!!
Warmly,
Kathy
Is it possible to lose time but have no memory loss? Like you know what you’ve been doing, but lots more time has passed than you thought.
Hi Sirena,
Welcome to Discussing Dissociation, and thanks for the comment.
In situations like you’ve described, where awareness of what you are doing and the actual amount of time passing don’t align up exactly, I would not assume there was no time loss.
Sometimes time loss can be lost in an Awareness Sandwich, so to speak. For example, it can look like this:
Doing Thing A…. [time loss]….Doing Thing A.
If your starting point and ending point of the bigger chunk of time is doing the same exact activity, you may very well not be informed of what was happening in the middle. The similar starting and ending processes are supposed to “hide” and cover up the “in the middle” time loss and to make the person not suspect anything happened.
BUT….you are clever. You are also watching the clock, so pay very very good attention to that. That’s a giant clue, and they may not be as sneaky as they thought they were!
Keep asking your insiders questions. Someone can tell you a whole lot more about that extra time!
Warmly,
Kathy
I’m still figuring all this out. I can ask but none of them speak to me. Radio silence. During these missing minutes or hours, I don’t think I do anything else. Just sit there. It certainly doesn’t feel like I did anything else and there’s no evidence of doing anything else.
Totally the issue! You live I. Terror of waking up to some unthinkable nightmare. Something like the chopped off times while growing up. Okay so without any detail, I remember ,”waking up,” while sitting in front of the TV . It was morning, my brother was standing in the hallway near me and accuse me of something bad, I hadn’t done anything so I told him so. My mum ordered him to leave. “Sorry that should have been mother not mum,” Shamus would say mum, not me. Anyway years later my oldest brother asked me about it, he said he didn’t nt that know our other brother was lying, and he became convinced I wasn’t either. It was he that first whispered the. MPD thing. In any case you learn to fear losing time. As for now, things are better. The others complain about the anti anxiety mess and like this morning say I’m grounded? Anyway yeah there is the fear and living is learning to get along as friends.
Hi Galdridge60,
Yep, I hear you. The fear / terror of the unknown is huge, especially when you know that you know that you know that so much of the lost time was also the time when abuse happened, or other stressful – painful – destructive “switch requiring” things. It sounds like losing time, for you, was associated with trauma, so of course, it can most definitely become very scary to lose time, with good reason.
I’m very glad to hear that you and your insiders are learning to live as friends. That truly truly will help, and will decrease the amount of time loss that you experience.
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
If only I could hear them better? That was a major problem growing up. I went deaf when daddy got mad and with very little exceptions such as with my inner David and once with inner Bobby I was deaf to the others. Once long ago back when I thought inner David was the same person as outer David, he told me he was mad at me because I wouldn’t listen and that inner David had a new friend. Nothing made sense back then, now it makes sense or is beginning to.
Hi galdridge60…. hmmmmm…. the first thing I thought of with your comment was how clever you were to block out all the negative noise. Good for you, because really, who would want to hear all that ranting and raving anyway??!! That’s NOT fun to hear, and well done you for blocking out such scary stuff.
And my second thought is… and maybe this is what you are referring to with your inner David and inner Bobby… Maybe even if you went “deaf” and couldn’t hear the raging by your father, possibly that skill was used to protect you, but maybe someone else in your system WAS able to hear it all. I don’t know if that was your inner David or inner Bobby, or someone else. But it could be important to ask who else in your system was able to hear the things that you couldn’t hear. They may be willing to share that with you, if it’s an important step in your healing. Everyone kinda needs to know the truth of what happened, so it could be important to know and hear what they heard at some point.
The point being… keep working with your system, because the team of you all would have absorbed the information about your life, even if keeping it tucked away in separate compartments.
I wish you the best in your healing journey –
Warmly,
Kathy
Another thought from an insider:
Dear Kathy,
You said something about keep woking within the system to get to know all your insiders. There are those of us on the inside so to speak that believe that amnesia exists on multiple fronts. Amnesia can exist on the “host” part because of situations in the present moment that are overwhelming. The host therefore “escapes” by disassociation.
The same exists within the system as well. It really depends for us on what is going on in the present moment. A person ( the host) and parts can work very hard to get to know others in the system but are often shut out by the overwhelming nature of situations that occur in life.
As someone wrote: it is the brains response to the stimulus. We discovered disassociation to survive. It doesn’t always have to do with not knowing the system. It can also mean a breakdown in communication.. Or other things that stand in the way.
Our greatest regards to you Kathy. Our system follow this blog….
Excellent point, Jill.
and hi hi hi to all the system reading too. 🙂
Time loss / amnesia can most certainly be for more than one reason, no doubt about that. Not knowing WHO you’ve switched to is only one of the reasons to experience time loss.
And as you were saying, knowing who you switched to, but still not being present to deal with the life circumstance of the time, is more about dissociating the experience, not the system-insider.
Or it’s about avoiding the intense emotion, or the physical requirements, whatever is going on.
Building trust in your system to know that when you switch to someone you can trust to manage the situation at hand is a good compromise, and can definitely be a form of team-work when used properly. It’s an awareness of “someone else is purposefully going to handle that for me”, and gives a little rest to the others.
As you said, once the dissociative person’s brain learns how to dissociate like this, it can be used in all kinds of ways. Absolutely.
Thanks for the comment.
Warmly,
Kathy
I enjoyed this piece, it made me think.
In my life right now, we seem to be a mixture of being aware. I have many internal friends and many of us have become, well..the collective. We are co-conscious and aware, working together and working on learning how to play, work, and relax. We also have sections, levels, and others we may be somewhat aware of (or at least we know they exist), but don’t know and there are still blackouts, especially at night.Good thing is I have not had contact with family for over 20 years, bad thing is that the people who are waking up into this world don’t know that. Good thing is we have been through that scenario so many times now we know how to respond, even if it takes time to realize we know what we know. You know? lol
Hi Collective –
Oh good!!! I’m always glad to hear that the writings on this blog lead people to really think about things. That’s excellent, so thanks for letting me know that. 🙂
And yes… you are doing good work, and what you wrote very much makes sense. Keep connecting the ones less aware of now with information about your current everyday “now” world. Those insiders need time to see that time has passed — often a very very confusing experience. It’s so hard to explain that 20 years ago was 20 years ago to someone that feels that 20 years was yesterday, or today, even.
It’s great that you already have some awareness for what-who you don’t know, because those are the groupings to keep working with. You’ll make definite progress with them as you keep at it. You’ve made a friendly Collective on one level — that proves you can do it. Use the same concepts you did to achieve that, and gradually you’ll be able include the others in your Collective system.
Well done. Keep up the good work!
Warmly,
Kathy
Losing time is lots more scary and harder. We have lots of dangerous things happen like almost getting in car accidents, walking in front of traffic, getting lost,someone trying to drive into semi trucks to kill herself,Cutting really bad losing our car. And lots of little things like you wrote about. We don’t like it.
Hi Pilgrim,
Yes, oh my goodness, losing time to those kinds of things is really not fun at all!! It sounds like absolutely everyone inside your system needs to learn to stop and look both ways before they cross the street! In fact, it sounds like it might be a good idea to teach everyone to have a quick stop-look-check see where they are — see where the car is, and to see who is driving — before they just meander on forward without checking around them. It would be much safer if you would teach everyone inside to stop and check their surroundings when they first show up. They clearly need to pause, look around, and assess for external safety before haphazardly moving on from where they waking up at.
If you know who is doing what, keep working with those insiders to show them new ways of handling their emotions. It sounds like a lot of your people block others out to do self-injury. It’s really really important that they learn to do other things instead of hurt themselves.
Keep working on building your system communication. Y’all can do it!
Warmly,
Kathy
Dissociation is most definitely the most dangerous things that I deal with. I have ended up in places that I wasn’t sure how I got there. I have been rescued by others from extremely dangerous situations. I have had to “clean up” after destructive behavioural concerning relationships. These activities would leave outside people hurt and angry with me because of the behaviour. I would have no clue about what happened. I have had to explain and explain. Most people do NOT understand!
Some HUGE problems have existed when I have slaughtered help with DID. I get well meaning people who say they ‘get it’ and something happen I don’t remember. I have had several instances that a therapist or helper quit helping because of something that happened. It SUCKS!
Just yesterday, a therapist told me she had sent a text in response to a question. That text message had been deleted and I had no idea it was sent.
I continuously remain anxious around others, even therapists for this reason. I don’t like loosing time at all!!!! it is dangerous! It has ruined relationships.
Whew! Hard stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Being dissociative is worse for sure. Being multiple has massive benefits and is easily worked with and around after some hard work and time and effort. But being dissociative is an unconciously activated coping skill learned so early that the nervous system is now tied into. It requires exhaustive relearning and is lifelong and not fixable. Alters you can live with, love with, laugh with, they come and go and can enrich your life. Dissociation you can only manage and try to stave off with limited success, it offers nothing but lost time, fogginess and emotional numbing. If i could stay ‘us’ but give back the dissociation i’d do it in a heartbeat.
We don’t lose much time, only when newbs are around or we are being retraumatized. And as such we are pretty high functioning, i know everything that happens 24/7 for the most part and i like that. It makes me feel sane and organised and in control. In those instances, where i do lose time i (one of the hosts) feel out of control and like i’m ‘going crazy’. It makes me angry at times, but only in the sense that anger covers fear. I have no control and it scares the utter crap out of me. I make contact with the others and after a few days the person emerges and is welcomed to the gang. But after 6 yrs now of this merry-go-round, i’m at a place where i do explicitly trust everyone in my systems and although i grapple with that loss of control, i do feel safe (ish) when i’m not ‘out’. I know they won’t hurt the body or anyone else. But yes, the diet and allergy thing does get annoying. LOL