Hi Everyone,
I’m letting you know I’m still here. 🙂 I’m actually spending hours and hours each and every day working on the “behind the scenes”work that needs to be done to update this blog. It might not look like much upfront, but I promise, I’m here! I’m here!
That’s not me up there in that picture. Frankly, I look more like this. Ha!
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Many of you have sent in excellent comments and feedback to my questions about what you would like to see at this blog. THANK YOU for that. Now I’m busy busy busy trying to put some of that together.
So while I’m doing that…
(and of course, I’m still open to hearing more comments from you…keep on sending those in!)
I had an interesting and unexpected experience this week. I was pleasantly shocked, surprised, and happy to hear it — not that the topic was a “happy one”. I guarantee you it’s not at all a happy topic. It’s a bit triggery for some survivors, but it’s a very very very necessary topic, so on that level, I was happy to hear that people somewhere out there were at least aware of it, let alone discussing it and addressing it.
How many of you have heard of Dr. Warwick Middleton?
I have had my head in the sand, playing with puppies and rainforests, and just haven’t been deeply involved in keeping up with the ISSTD lately — the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation.
Well, Dr. Warwick Middleton has been a long-time a member of ISSTD and I listened to some old YouTube presentations he made some years back. I’ll include a link to one of four video sections below so you can hear for yourself if you are interested.
The topic that I was pleased to hear about was that Dr. Middleton spoke of something that is so “taboo” to many people. He spoke of adults experiencing trauma as an adult. The world is gradually becoming comfortable with the idea of child abuse, but there are still many people struggling with the concept that adult survivors can still be battling abuse in their adult years. Specifically, Dr. Middleton mentioned incestuous abuse still occurring for dissociative trauma survivors well into their adulthood as a subset of the dissociative population.
So you see…. not a “happy topic”, not at all. But I’m so very very pleased that someone, anyone is addressing this. I KNOW I’m not the only one aware of it, so it’s good to hear when someone else speaks out openly, and honestly about it.
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[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iyvGbS-5W0&w=560&h=315]
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Painfully difficult, yes, and still, it IS an important topic for far too many dissociative trauma survivors. Dr. Middleton guessed that 1 in 8 DID survivors was still tangled in incestuous abuse, into adulthood. I’m not sure where he gained those figures, but in my opinion, it’s at least that common, and probably even more common than that.
So…. if you are someone that still struggles with these issues, you are definitely not the only one.
Be brave, and speak out about it with your therapist. You deserve safety too.
I’ve included my own video about adult survivors of sexual abuse — made while I was sitting in one of those rainforests I mentioned earlier! Please excuse the shakiness — it’s one of the first “practice” videos I made, but it’s such an important topic, I kept it.
For Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse:
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[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mel08uibDfU&w=560&h=315]
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Talk about a job that takes lots of hard work! My bucket loads of work to revamp this blog fail miserably in comparison to the amount of hard work required to sort out all the issues for adult survivors. But a necessary and important job to do, no doubt about it. So very very important to do.
It really really really is NOT your fault that you are tangled in something like this. However, it’s going to be up to you to do something about it. Obviously, they aren’t going to just stop being terrible, so… it’s up to you to create something better for you and your insiders. You can get out of those kinds of family messes. Yep, yep, yep, you really can. Find a therapist who believes you, supports you, and the two of you can work very hard with your system to find safety and healing for everyone.
After all, dedication to hard work even in the hidden areas can make a world of difference in the overall picture. It can feel overwhelming, but it’s definitely important. Let’s both do our hard work, okay?! It will pay off with positive rewards, I promise!
Please remember — my thoughts are with you all, and I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2016 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
OoooooooHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! We need to reply! So often hidden.. And not spoken of.. How the multiple feels when caught up in this!
So often it is a lot harder to do than said.. Oh YES IT IS HARD! We are often dependent on these incestual relationships for MANY reasons. Some are harder to leave than others.
Those of us who are cult survivors.. Have deep seeded beliefs and terrifying consequences if those ties are severed. These threats are very real and very dangerous.
Some.. Have “family” that still mean the world to us..that the very thought of their absence is in of itself an obsticle that is not managed well.
For some of us.., leaving is just a dream… Not obtainable.. Under any circumstances…
For us… What you said in the video is not reachable.. No matter how hard we try.. We can not escape. Not alone… Not ever.
So… YES!!!! Glad we got to say it.., too often unsaid.., we will never be free… Ever!
Hi Kathy –
Warwick Middleton has been writing and talking about this issue for some years already (thank goodness). I think it’s much more common than most people think too as it’s so tough to get away from.
You may know this already but, there’s a paper here he wrote on this same topic back in 2012: http://delphicentre.com.au/resources-2/articles-and-powerpoint-presentations
PS – I think blogging is extremely hard work – have never managed to do it/keep it up at all.
PS… I still find that topic very very hard to own. You’re totally right about the not knowing how to leave – not even realising that such a thing as leaving might be possible. We did, in the end, but it was a pretty extreme way of doing it that wasn’t all that healthy of itself either.
Still hope that all of Jill will one day be free of it too. x
I had a trusted friend who found a therapist for me, I have little income and no insurance. The therapist kept telling me to trust her, she said I could tell her anything so I told her that it was still happening to me. Suddenly, I became too much for her and my friend. They both walked out of my life. I guess I disgusted them that much but not nearly as much as I disgust myself.