Have you ever been in a mood?
Sometimes it’s hard to know which mood is what.
For the picture above, what mood do you see? Here are some of the options I see:
What about this mood? What moods do you see in the pictures below?
Do you see ……. ?
There are so many different feelings, and so many can happen at the same time. It’s hard to sort it all out, especially when different insiders contain different feelings, and are all present at the same time. What a big mix of mixed feelings is that??!!
How many dissociative trauma survivors can relate to how this feels?
I don’t know if this picture was created by a dissociative survivor or not, but I sure do see an excellent representation of internal feelings and inside people. I think I’ll wait and make more comments on this picture in a separate, dedicated blog post. There’s just so much that can be said about this collage! It’s fantastic!
Anyway…. Just wondering how you feel today.
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Copyright © 2008-2017 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
What a hoot you are, Me+We!! Love your bluntness!….Will have to see if I can find a copy of that workbook….I think I need it! (Sorry I got into rambling all over the place mode up there….bad habit we have……)
Reading this article because I am trying to figure out what “feeling” I am supposed to “be” ….which one do I “pick”….which is the “right” one – the “safe” one for both Inside and Outside….but then there is too much “contrast” between all of that anyway…….which is the one that will keep Outsiders from being “afraid” of me (i.e. – nervous about my “emotional problems”) yet will cause them to “respect” my existence……which one will let them know they can’t “manipulate or head-game or use” me – yet doesn’t make me look like I am “psychotic” or something…imagining things…..
I wish I knew which “feeling” was correct so I would MAYBE know which one I am to “be”….which is the “safest” feeling – to be “submissive and compliant” (i.e. – numb and disconnected which ultimately triggers Rage) – or to “stand my ground” – which terrifies young Insiders that we are now “in trouble”…….Which is “safest” – to stay silent – or to speak up…..it seems like whatever I “pick” – there is havoc somewhere….Outsiders will see a “look” on my face that I didn’t even know was there…..how do I defend myself against comments of “What are you looking so mad about” when I didn’t know that I was even “feeling” any anger…..I just get so confused….I don’t see Outsiders look as confused as I feel….how do they know what to do….(growing up – Daddy would get angry at us for a “look” on our face – I still don’t know what “look” he would be talking about)……
Bottom line – not only do I have to figure out how to feel “safe” on the Outside…..I have to figure out which is the “safe” feeling to “be” for the Inside…….to pick a feeling that won’t cause some parts to be upset with me… to “turn on me”…that won’t stir up the “suicidal one”….That won’t make Outsiders upset with me – yet still allow me to be able to “live” with myself……how do I make both Outside AND Inside “happy” with me – so I will know that I am “OK”….that I did good….so my stomach won’t “hurt” so much……
The only time I don’t “feel on guard” is when Anger or Rage has reached his breaking point – and I (in that moment) don’t care what other opinions are….but then that is NOT a good way to go – because the “feeling” scares me – I am afraid I will lose control…..But for a moment – in THAT moment – I am not afraid of others, I am not afraid of “unknown consequences”, I am not swallowed up in confusion ……In that moment – I KNOW what I KNOW ……until Rage settles down and I am back to who I have been for too long – a scared, confused, alone soul….
Why does what should be the simplest things feel so, so hard……
LOL … I have never read this article (I think) but the title cracks me up – Ever Been In a Mood? When am I NOT in a “mood”. The trouble is, like MissyMing has said here – what is the mood, who is in the mood, what are the dimensions of the mood(s)? Just layers on layer on layers … ARGH! My T gave me a reading – “Identifying and Expressing Your Feelings” from The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. So, I have read the chapter (a bunch of times) and I do not know how I feel about it! ;-). I have a Body Awareness Guide and Embodiment Coach who is working with me to find where my feelings are in my body. And I do not know how I feel about that either! 😉
All good stuff. Yes, I know that I have to start identifying what the feelings are, giving them designations appropriate to the “real” feelings going on and explore where these feelings manifest themselves in my body but sometimes my “real” feeling is that I am exhausted and don’t give a crap anymore!
I have been in a bad mood. Mostly because it seems like no one notices or cares how i feel. I often feel forgotten by people and that everyone is too busy to talk to me.it hurts my feelings. I cant even get my sisters attention. And i have been in extreme physical pain that is sometimes more than i can bear. That seems to be what really puts me in a bad mood. And i am lonely. I spend my days talking to children and that is all. No adult conversations.
And a great deal of sorrow in my life also this week.
But i did have a couple moments of joy this week at work. So at least I have that.
I am new to this whole having feelings thing. I have to say, i dont care for it much. I am working hard on becoming more numb. Feelings are really just not helpful, and I did better when I had no feelings.
Oh, Pilgrim….I am sorry that we have “not noticed” you…..I know it looks like that…but we really have….and we read all that all of you say….To be honest…you are “new territory” for us…..I love that all of you are so open and speak so freely….it “blows us away” – we watch you and listen to you and we are trying to learn how you do that….to not be afraid to talk……We are still struggling to be able to even “acknowledge” our “littles”…..we know that they are there….we catch glimpses of them….but we don’t know what to do….
We hear you, Pilgrim and all of your littles….you are helping us to be less scared..to remember that “littles” have voices….have “feelings”…..we are “scared” of their story….you help us remember that “littles” have voices and it is OK to hear them……
I often describe dissociation as my mind spinning up and out–this is what the collage picture reminds me of. I usually describe my mood as “I don’t know”, mostly because I am perpetually trying to calm myself down, stay seated, sit up, not shut down, not show emotions, or maybe show emotion if I knew what was appropriate, wanting to hide because by now I’m twitching or quivering and I can’t let anyone know that I am nervous or scared or about to shut down. And oh my goodness I hate being me.
I totally understand having several emotions all at once and they don’t seem to fit together. Some swirl together hopelessly. We are working on placing a feeling with a part. It’s important to hear them. I’m working hard with my T twice a week and holding down a full time job too. My parts help me get through the tough times. I know that they are all important. It’s not getting know know them that is hard, but coming to grips with my story is what is so hard for me.
We be sad
We have a hard time teling felings from faces. The way sombody talks is easier.
Today some of us be in a good mood and missy be in a bad mood. Michael be mad. Blue be happy. We be lonley. We be tierd. We be cureous.we be sad. We be happy. We be scard.we be gratefol.
My therapist often asks me what mood I’m on, what emotion I’m feeling, and I explain that it’s like a bunch of tangled threads. If I pull out one feeling, they all come.
I struggle immensely with labeling and knowing what emotions are What. Except for suicidal i know what that feels like.
Marianne Shalkowsky says
Lots of mixed emotions or parts.
Kind of like I’ve been today.
Going shopping and brought home an array of sizes and styles:)
A household of emotional people and feelings.
Kind of wish I had some privacy…..
Needs space on my own.
Yes, the photos are a wonderful depiction of D.I.D and also of BPD and an emotional roller coaster. But they be completely “normal”. It’s all in the eye of the beholder???
I can relate to ALL these pics, the female child one, she looks like gulp, oops… the other too, I am there now. I am struggling with contemplating, why because I HAD to submit my form to the MN courts for Priest Abuse Victims and what I remembered and my cousin raped several women and MAYBE me his cousin. So that is why I am contemplating, and my therapist is OUT of town to boot, I said to him “what if I dissociate and switch,” “Oh, he said, you’ll come back” Will I? NOT to long ago he said this recall with Priest abuse COULD cause you to splinter MORE, I hope not but it could, and now he HAD to go out of town. so now what, I am kind of upset and angry, KIND OF
Yep. I’m in a mood today. A well deserved mood, but I’m out of my happy pills. After a visit to the pharmacy tomorrow, I might be in a better mood.
How’s your mood?
For us it is hard to label feelings with words unless they are sad/hurt, mad, scared, or happy. Our T has tried to work on this with us but it gets so confusing. We basically just end up telling her thoughts and she will say ok that is thought ……what is the feeling or what does it feel like? Our mind goes blank-we rarely have an answer other than I don’t know. Feelings are so detached from everything.
Moods are kinda the same way and get really confusing when there are other people around-we can switch moods so quickly for absolutely no apparent reason what so ever it feels like we are on roller coaster that never ends.
The picture of the children bothers us-to us they looked scared, like they are sitting in wait for the other shoe to drop.
The thing with all of this is that it pre-supposes that you’ve already gotten past bad/mad/sad/(glad?) and even figuring out those four is exceedingly challenging sometimes!
I relate so much to feeling lots of different feelings all at the same time. It’s often very confusing. Our therapist is teaching us about different emotions and I think slowly I’m beginning to identify them better. There’s just so many! There’s lots of fear at the moment and sadness and something I’m struggling to recognise. Thank you for writing about this. It makes me feel less alone.