When darkness sits on people, it can really sit on them.
And squish them down.
And remove all joy, love, beauty from their lives.
Or for those with Dissociative Identity Disorder, the dark side of the system can completely flip over the top, dominating the other sides of the system. The dark ones are in control. DID survivors, split and torn by years of traumatic darkness, pain, and heartbreak.
When addictions tromp in, the flip gets sealed in place. Hold on tight – the ride is going to get ugly now.
Those dark worlds promise so much in the beginning. Fun. Freedom. No one tells YOU what to do. Party on! Hours, days, weeks of drinking, drugging, anything that alters the state of mind. Darkness loves raging of any kind. And rage it is.
It might seem fun in the beginning. It usually “feels” fun in the beginning.
Except it hurts people.
It hurts those near you, and it hurts you.
Yet remember…. It came from hurt. It is hurt lashing out. Hurt becoming the hurter.
It’s so deeply devastating to watch someone you care about slip into the depths of darkness, consumed in the darkness, sinking further and further. In your despair, and panic, you may try everything you know to pull them out. It can feel to be an impossible task.
When you’re involved with someone lashing out that much hurt, you are likely to get hurt yourself.
That depth of darkness comes from a depth of pain.
It’s probably more about emotional pain, heartache, heartbreak, loss, rejection, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, despair, anguish. . .
When covered in the darkness, that person doesn’t care about the hurting of others. They only feel the lashing out needed from the overwhelm of their own pain. In that place, it feels better to be dark too. Lash out. Strike back. Push away.
It’s all so very complicated.
There are very fine lines between defending your own self from the lashings of darkness, and setting limits for what is an acceptable way to be treated. You’ll be targeted in the rage when you get close to that pain. Strong boundaries are essential, of course.
Yet your gentleness and kindness of spirit is needed too.
To hear the pain, see the despair, and heal the hurt.
Battling away the darkness with a balance of firm yet gentle. Solid yet soft. Strong yet giving.
Find a way to reach into that darkness, and connect with the beauty of that person you care about. It’s there. They’ve been hurt. Their beauty will come back out when it sees it is safe to do so.
Can you make it safe for them again? Will you?
Lots to think about…..
Such a complicated topic….
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation