This is an excellent yet very challenging article by Rocking Complacency. Please read slowly, carefully, and with an open mind…
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Ouch. (stay with me) That felt like it hit below the belt.
That said, I’m sitting in partial hospital doing some blasted Cognitive Behavorial Therapy worksheet on Preventing Relapse that says Wheel of Change: Cost/benefit analysis.
“Identify your unhealthy behavior problem” – uh… is that DID? Anxiety? Panic? -no those are the “illnesses”…. is it the switching of parts? I have no idea… is it it suicidality? The self injury? Probably…. but what else? and how can i control things that i “have no control over” when someone swaps in and takes over? “What are the BENEFITS?” Huh?? What benefits could their possibly be to DID?
And you reblog this. ouch ouch ouch.
I automatically want to refute all of this.
I got angry.
That’s not me!
But…. then, what ARE the blocks to healing? “I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired!” But what’s the answer?
These hurt – but I recognize I feel stuck. I’ve been in therapy for 12 years or more and my “symptoms are worse than the first diagnosed”. Well bad word bad word!!!!
I am going to print this article out and take a hard look at it. Painful look. Like it says, it would be shameful to admit to any of this…. but there may be truth here.
I have asked The Other in my head why He would want this; these behaviors that He is pushing the others in to doing. “Because I want to keep you sick and isolated.” Huh??? How can that possibly benefit even Him?! “I can ruin your life.” (um have you looked at our life lately, pal?) Why would He want that? “To keep your silence”. Now I wonder if that is an excuse.
I certainly have fewer support people in my life than I did a decade ago – ok so like I have only one person left. Maybe two. I know I’m miserable, I know my amount of hospitalizations is rediciouls. I don’t WANT this. But I don’t know how to change it.
“What are the BLOCKS to healing?”
Uh…… well now I have a whole page of them. Sigh.
Guess I’d better get on it….
Kathy Broady says
I admire your courage and strength and honesty. It IS hard to look at those things, but… Then again. Who said make real change was easy? It’s not. It takes a whopping lot of work, so good for you for having the honesty with yourself, and the courage to go there, and the motivation to work even harder.
It sounds to me like you are doing really good work, so keep it up. I’m cheering for you!!