Hello, hello,
It’s getting closer to Halloween, and as October happens, I’m quite sure that many of you are struggling with trauma memories, flashbacks, body memories, and the whole range of PTSD symptoms after experiencing trauma and abuse.
Sometimes it feels like the trauma will never end!
But it does.
I promise you, it does end. It can end, and it does end.
You haven’t lived forever so the trauma hasn’t and won’t exist forever. You may very well feel stuck in time, and that’s particularly uncomfortable, and yet, if you are reading this blog today, I can guarantee you that at some point in time, you were able to get away from the most recent trauma episode you experienced in your life.
The fact that you are sitting in the place where you see this blog now proves you were able to get away and leave the place of that abusive, traumatic situation. You are HERE now. You can remember then, all too easily, but right at this moment, you are here, reading with me. I am very sure you weren’t reading this article when those bad things happened. That was then, and that terrible trauma ended. You left that place, and / or the abuser person left that place.
Make sure everyone on the inside knows this. Don’t assume they all know this because I guarantee some of them won’t be able to see this difference. The recognition of time change is crucial for your healing.
Time distortion is a complicated experience for dissociative trauma survivors. In the inside world, time can stop. It can be the same time today as it was 10-20-30 years ago. What happened then can feel as fresh and new as if it happened today.
The time confusion for dissociative trauma survivors continues especially when today feels disconnected, unreal, depersonalized, and distant.
So today doesn’t feel real, but 1973 does.
And you might not remember this morning, but you can remember everything from that bad day in 1987.
Ummmmm…. How confusing is that!
Watch this video called Yesterday Today Tomorrow for more comments on this time distortion, time confusion, and Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow.
Work hard with your insiders to connect them to now. Without a lot of work on your part, your inside world may always feel stuck in time, and your insiders may stay completely tangled into the reality of the abuse they experienced in the past. But outside time never stops. Outside world time keeps moving along whether you recognize that on the inside or not.
Help your insiders to see the outside world as it is now. Help them to see they live somewhere else. Help them to see new things in the world they’ve never seen. Help them see that “bad guy” is no longer in the room.
Connecting your internal system with the reality of today is essential for your healing.
This is now. That was then.
That was then. This is now.
These are extremely important distinctions to learn for dissociative trauma survivors.
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2017 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
I like that flowers
I am new here and struggling to accept DDNOS diagnosis
am scared
not sure what to believe
i know sometimes i feel like it is 1986 or 1980 or 1999
but i am still me
i dont become another person
just feels differnet inside
and constant conversation inside
like me at different ages
mostly telling me to be careful
dont trust anyone
maybe doctor is wrong
maybe I am just crazy
i dont know
Oh, please don’t be afraid. We’ve been afraid too much. The diagnosis of DID “presents” in different ways in each of us, and some of us don’t show distinct personalities, and that’s good – we get along a little better in life, but there’s still parts that don’t connect to the present. I’m hoping to write a blog about these differences soon. Just keep working with those inner parts, and loving all the little children who didn’t get enough love. There’s lots of support for us in places like this. The whole world’s crazy now, right? We may actually be the most sane – an essay I wrote here called “Multiple Personality – Not Crazy”: http://paradigmsalon.net/multiple-personality-not-crazy/ Hope it comforts. The healing path is an amazing place.
am new and just struggling to accept DDNOS diagnosis
am scared
not sure what to believe
i know sometimes i feel like it is 1986 or 1980 or 1999
but i am still me
i dont become another person
just feels differnet inside
and constant conversation inside
like me at different ages
mostly telling me to be careful
dont trust anyone
maybe doctor is wrong
maybe i am just crazy
i dont know
Hi! This is a vital topic for me now!
I mean there are times when things from 25years ago (or so) feel real as they were happening right now. I think we all have this (if DID). How ever I at times feel like it is happening again in the now. I mean I can experience a moment right after an encounter… This is really hard to explain… but hmm… This person comes to my home. This happens. Others (real people) can verify that there he has been. (Won’t go to details about why he visits, it’s complicated). But I can’t remember much about his visit. It is distorted in my mind.
Then later I experience the same feelings I had 25years ago after the abuse. Not reliving the abuse itself like sometimes happens but the detachment etc. I used to fall into after. Then I can see things in my body or on my body or in my home that race the question did abuse happen again but not 25years ago but 25minutes ago.
I don’t know if I make much sense to anyone but this is currently very important issue my parts have forced me to start resolving. At times I forget to keep trying to figure this out. Forget having this problem. Until this happens again.
How can you know if abuse happens today if you can’t tell which episodes are from the past 25years ago and which 25minutes ago? What should I do about this? This is a safety issue on so many levels and there are no good ways to stop this person from coming so I need to know for sure before I take the risk of trying to get away… which might not even be a possibility. Sorry for this anxiety provoking post. Can you give me advice, please?
This happened! I had written here before! I wasn’t sure! Wow! I was resourceful and installed webcams in my appartment and also kept this issue in discussion in my therapy… and now nearly 6months later I know it is still happening! This is such a good thing! To know I mean! It’s like now I can do something about it… I’m not just crazy and it’s not just a flashback. Haven’t moved out yet but am in the process of finding new accomodation. I hope others that are asking the same questions I was before, really invest their energy into finding out! It’s so much better to know than not to know and worry worry worry worry… Therapy, cameras, something, just don’t let it slip your mind again. Easier said than done at times, I know, but am just so happy I invested the energy! Best wishes to everyone! Thanks for your post!
It dont ever gona end
I no it
It nevr gona stop becuz the bad pepol is bigr an tuffr then the nise pepol
And the nise pepol go away
But the bad pepol owas is here
There to meny bad pepol
An no good pepol
I be so scard it nevr gona end
I be so scard becuz owas we mess up an make things werser and it be all are fallt
The bad pepol owas win
The werld be a bad plase
It scare me
it dnt gna end
i no it
well….. I have to disagree with you, bj. I KNOW it can end, because you are older and able to make different choices and decisions now because you have older system people who can do way way way more things than you could when everyone was still young. When all of you were a little child, there was no choice, and I’m sorry you had mean and yucky things happen.
And now… even tho’ it looks like you are a little one, I know you have some big people around inside, and some strong people in your system, and at some point….some of them might need to make some very very strong decisions about what is happening right now in 2018.
When they are ready to do that, they can.
And when everybody also remembers to see out the outside eyes, and doesn’t get lost in the “back then / inside eyes”, then you can see that things can be different now…. as you all make different decisions NOW.
Rememberings are not the same as something still happening, even if it feels like that. They are still very very different things.
You can be strong and big enough to DECIDE DECIDE DECIDE that ALL of the bad stuff will end.
YES, you can do that.
It takes big and strong decisions, and lots n lots n lots of courage, but you CAN DO IT.
I know you can.
Warmly,
Kathy
october be here again 😖 the werst month of the hole year
evreything bad hapens in october
dis bes bad tim for us. Halowen bes bad bad bad tim. lots scari. lots hert. lots lots lots hert. scari fings evriwar on howsis an in stors an evriwar. maks us membr bad stuf wat we got makd to do an wat got dun to us. dont lik nun of it. wana run awa n hid so bad pepol dont find us. r mom teld r uncol war we liv now an we r scard he wil find us an mak us go to dat bad plas agin. gota hid gud so he don’t nevr find us.
tasha n sasha n tara n sammy n rachel
Hello Dear MyCircleOfLife Friends Tasha, Sasha, Tara, Sammy and Rachel,
How wonderfully brave of you to write to us here and to tell us about your scary hurts and fears. Sure sounds like lots of bad things happened and that this is a really hard time of the year to get through. If you have not already told your big person who is out most, maybe you can let them know how scared you are. Because it is not nice being little and alone and scared. Maybe they could help you know that you are safe now.
Do you have an inside safe place that you can hide in? My little ones have a sunshine tent made of yellow sheets. They each have a special blanket and pillow and stuffies that they snuggle up with. They have a horse friend that comes into the tent too and lots of games and bubbles to play with. They can have anything that they want to eat but cookies and ice cream are favourites. Not too much though to hurt their tummies. They snuggle together in the sunshine tent when things are scary on the outside. I tell them to stay there until I come and get them. Two boy insiders guard the entrance to the tent too. They help a lot. Maybe ask your big person to help you make a safe place too. You can all have a nice snuggly time together.
ME+WE
10/13/18