Hello, hello,
It’s getting closer to Halloween, and as October happens, I’m quite sure that many of you are struggling with trauma memories, flashbacks, body memories, and the whole range of PTSD symptoms after experiencing trauma and abuse.
Sometimes it feels like the trauma will never end!
But it does.
I promise you, it does end. It can end, and it does end.
You haven’t lived forever so the trauma hasn’t and won’t exist forever. You may very well feel stuck in time, and that’s particularly uncomfortable, and yet, if you are reading this blog today, I can guarantee you that at some point in time, you were able to get away from the most recent trauma episode you experienced in your life.
The fact that you are sitting in the place where you see this blog now proves you were able to get away and leave the place of that abusive, traumatic situation. You are HERE now. You can remember then, all too easily, but right at this moment, you are here, reading with me. I am very sure you weren’t reading this article when those bad things happened. That was then, and that terrible trauma ended. You left that place, and / or the abuser person left that place.
Make sure everyone on the inside knows this. Don’t assume they all know this because I guarantee some of them won’t be able to see this difference. The recognition of time change is crucial for your healing.
Time distortion is a complicated experience for dissociative trauma survivors. In the inside world, time can stop. It can be the same time today as it was 10-20-30 years ago. What happened then can feel as fresh and new as if it happened today.
The time confusion for dissociative trauma survivors continues especially when today feels disconnected, unreal, depersonalized, and distant.
So today doesn’t feel real, but 1973 does.
And you might not remember this morning, but you can remember everything from that bad day in 1987.
Ummmmm…. How confusing is that!
Watch this video called Yesterday Today Tomorrow for more comments on this time distortion, time confusion, and Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow.
Work hard with your insiders to connect them to now. Without a lot of work on your part, your inside world may always feel stuck in time, and your insiders may stay completely tangled into the reality of the abuse they experienced in the past. But outside time never stops. Outside world time keeps moving along whether you recognize that on the inside or not.
Help your insiders to see the outside world as it is now. Help them to see they live somewhere else. Help them to see new things in the world they’ve never seen. Help them see that “bad guy” is no longer in the room.
Connecting your internal system with the reality of today is essential for your healing.
This is now. That was then.
That was then. This is now.
These are extremely important distinctions to learn for dissociative trauma survivors.
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
I like that flowers
I am new here and struggling to accept DDNOS diagnosis
am scared
not sure what to believe
i know sometimes i feel like it is 1986 or 1980 or 1999
but i am still me
i dont become another person
just feels differnet inside
and constant conversation inside
like me at different ages
mostly telling me to be careful
dont trust anyone
maybe doctor is wrong
maybe I am just crazy
i dont know
Oh, please don’t be afraid. We’ve been afraid too much. The diagnosis of DID “presents” in different ways in each of us, and some of us don’t show distinct personalities, and that’s good – we get along a little better in life, but there’s still parts that don’t connect to the present. I’m hoping to write a blog about these differences soon. Just keep working with those inner parts, and loving all the little children who didn’t get enough love. There’s lots of support for us in places like this. The whole world’s crazy now, right? We may actually be the most sane – an essay I wrote here called “Multiple Personality – Not Crazy”: http://paradigmsalon.net/multiple-personality-not-crazy/ Hope it comforts. The healing path is an amazing place.
am new and just struggling to accept DDNOS diagnosis
am scared
not sure what to believe
i know sometimes i feel like it is 1986 or 1980 or 1999
but i am still me
i dont become another person
just feels differnet inside
and constant conversation inside
like me at different ages
mostly telling me to be careful
dont trust anyone
maybe doctor is wrong
maybe i am just crazy
i dont know
Hi! This is a vital topic for me now!
I mean there are times when things from 25years ago (or so) feel real as they were happening right now. I think we all have this (if DID). How ever I at times feel like it is happening again in the now. I mean I can experience a moment right after an encounter… This is really hard to explain… but hmm… This person comes to my home. This happens. Others (real people) can verify that there he has been. (Won’t go to details about why he visits, it’s complicated). But I can’t remember much about his visit. It is distorted in my mind.
Then later I experience the same feelings I had 25years ago after the abuse. Not reliving the abuse itself like sometimes happens but the detachment etc. I used to fall into after. Then I can see things in my body or on my body or in my home that race the question did abuse happen again but not 25years ago but 25minutes ago.
I don’t know if I make much sense to anyone but this is currently very important issue my parts have forced me to start resolving. At times I forget to keep trying to figure this out. Forget having this problem. Until this happens again.
How can you know if abuse happens today if you can’t tell which episodes are from the past 25years ago and which 25minutes ago? What should I do about this? This is a safety issue on so many levels and there are no good ways to stop this person from coming so I need to know for sure before I take the risk of trying to get away… which might not even be a possibility. Sorry for this anxiety provoking post. Can you give me advice, please?
This happened! I had written here before! I wasn’t sure! Wow! I was resourceful and installed webcams in my appartment and also kept this issue in discussion in my therapy… and now nearly 6months later I know it is still happening! This is such a good thing! To know I mean! It’s like now I can do something about it… I’m not just crazy and it’s not just a flashback. Haven’t moved out yet but am in the process of finding new accomodation. I hope others that are asking the same questions I was before, really invest their energy into finding out! It’s so much better to know than not to know and worry worry worry worry… Therapy, cameras, something, just don’t let it slip your mind again. Easier said than done at times, I know, but am just so happy I invested the energy! Best wishes to everyone! Thanks for your post!
It dont ever gona end
I no it
It nevr gona stop becuz the bad pepol is bigr an tuffr then the nise pepol
And the nise pepol go away
But the bad pepol owas is here
There to meny bad pepol
An no good pepol
I be so scard it nevr gona end
I be so scard becuz owas we mess up an make things werser and it be all are fallt
The bad pepol owas win
The werld be a bad plase
It scare me
it dnt gna end
i no it
well….. I have to disagree with you, bj. I KNOW it can end, because you are older and able to make different choices and decisions now because you have older system people who can do way way way more things than you could when everyone was still young. When all of you were a little child, there was no choice, and I’m sorry you had mean and yucky things happen.
And now… even tho’ it looks like you are a little one, I know you have some big people around inside, and some strong people in your system, and at some point….some of them might need to make some very very strong decisions about what is happening right now in 2018.
When they are ready to do that, they can.
And when everybody also remembers to see out the outside eyes, and doesn’t get lost in the “back then / inside eyes”, then you can see that things can be different now…. as you all make different decisions NOW.
Rememberings are not the same as something still happening, even if it feels like that. They are still very very different things.
You can be strong and big enough to DECIDE DECIDE DECIDE that ALL of the bad stuff will end.
YES, you can do that.
It takes big and strong decisions, and lots n lots n lots of courage, but you CAN DO IT.
I know you can.
Warmly,
Kathy
october be here again 😖 the werst month of the hole year
evreything bad hapens in october
dis bes bad tim for us. Halowen bes bad bad bad tim. lots scari. lots hert. lots lots lots hert. scari fings evriwar on howsis an in stors an evriwar. maks us membr bad stuf wat we got makd to do an wat got dun to us. dont lik nun of it. wana run awa n hid so bad pepol dont find us. r mom teld r uncol war we liv now an we r scard he wil find us an mak us go to dat bad plas agin. gota hid gud so he don’t nevr find us.
tasha n sasha n tara n sammy n rachel
Hello Dear MyCircleOfLife Friends Tasha, Sasha, Tara, Sammy and Rachel,
How wonderfully brave of you to write to us here and to tell us about your scary hurts and fears. Sure sounds like lots of bad things happened and that this is a really hard time of the year to get through. If you have not already told your big person who is out most, maybe you can let them know how scared you are. Because it is not nice being little and alone and scared. Maybe they could help you know that you are safe now.
Do you have an inside safe place that you can hide in? My little ones have a sunshine tent made of yellow sheets. They each have a special blanket and pillow and stuffies that they snuggle up with. They have a horse friend that comes into the tent too and lots of games and bubbles to play with. They can have anything that they want to eat but cookies and ice cream are favourites. Not too much though to hurt their tummies. They snuggle together in the sunshine tent when things are scary on the outside. I tell them to stay there until I come and get them. Two boy insiders guard the entrance to the tent too. They help a lot. Maybe ask your big person to help you make a safe place too. You can all have a nice snuggly time together.
ME+WE
10/13/18
hi an thank u dat u writid to us. we got a casol dat has lotsa rums an lotsa gud gards dat protet us. r big ladi sed her wil cal da polis if r uncol or eni bad pepol coms by us. an her gav her frend muni to by fud for us so we dont gota go in stors an see scari stuf. an her sed we can wach shos on da cd sted of on tv cuz on tv is lotsa scari shows now. r big ladi has to werk on da bad nit so helper sed al us kids gota sta in da casol al dat nit an no wun can hert us der.
Frum sasha n tasha n sammy n tara n rachel
Hi, hi, hi Tasha, Sasha, Tara, Sammy and Rachel,
I am so happy to hear that you have a “casol” with lots of “rums” in it that you can go to and be safe. WOW that is great!!! My eight-year-old boy Gordie builds lots of big sandcastles for the little girls to hide in if they feel scared when they are on the beach. No one can get into a big castle that’s for sure.
And your big lady sure does sound like she has some great ideas for keeping you all safe and she has a super plan to help you have some fun too. My little ones have three favourite movies right now – Inside Out, Coco and Moana. We watch them over and over and over again. They sing the songs with their movie friends too.
Thank you for writing and tell us all about your safety and fun time plans!
Your friend,
ME+WE
10/26/18
Our bad time starts in late August/early September and runs through most of November. We thought we were doing a good job of staying connected to the present this year, because we even got through that especially awul day 10/31 without being aware of lost time. But last week something really terrible happened, and we realized that things we thought were 1996 things were actually beginning of September 2018 things, and we don’t know who’s safe and where we can be safe and how to keep this awful thing from happening again. (Don’t want to post details because don’t want to trigger other outside people.) This is so, so scary. How can we connect with now if things we thought were then were actually now? We know others here talk a lot about system responsibility, but how can we be responsible for things for which we have no memory? We feel so guilty and ashamed already, and we are really struggling to understand… How can we appropriately grieve a loss when we can’t remember the circumstances that led to the loss being possible in the first place?
I’m only just realising that mine are the ages when they were created and there still that age. It’s like there frozen in time. Well I guess I’ll always be young at heart
Lee
Sometime that is hard to swallow. There are negatives and positive this.
read somewhere that we will always look younger than our phycail age.
Someone will be able to play and keep up with the grandkids.
You will always have a good reason to keep reading children story’s and watching Disney.
The tantrums are not fun
Neededing to turn on and touch all the toys in a store
Having your outside kids sending you to your room for inappropriate behaviors
I was in a car with my lover last week, from nowhere i was back to 50 years ago and he commented that my voice, demeanour and body language changed immediately and i was back there, not in the car. Its the first time i have told him about my DID, and very basic tryingvto explain my insiders who can do or say things to him, that my current self doesnt know about. He has seen me disassociate many times, he knows i can hear him, but that i cannot move or reply, he now knows that unless i am in a dangerous place, to let me come out of the seizure and to give me time to recentre. I am starting DID therapy tomorrow. It is hard living in the present when past decades are still here in my present. I am slowly learning more and have been made aware of new insiders who were very young when they carried my abuse and kept the knowledge safe and hidden until a few weeks ago. I want to be able to live fully in the present, but i dont know if that is possible. I dont want to disrespect my insiders, some who have carried me for almost 55 years, 1 was there with me before i was born and desperately did not want to be born
Thought it would be a good thing to revisit this topic. Some of our girls had horrific flashbacks.
I had to remind Jessie to kick and fight back. That that was then this is now. Now we can kick hit and fight back.
When flash back happen and you can’t get out of it fight , fight like hell. He will help with letting you feel powerful in stead of being stuck in fear.
When you come back to the now. You might question did people see me kicking the air or punching at nothing?
It’s okay if they did. You couldn’t fight back then but you can now. Even if it’s just in you mind or body. Take back your then and kick the shit out of all that hurt you