• Home
  • About
    • Kathy Broady, MSW
    • Laura Boettger, LPC
    • Testimonials
  • Consultations
    • In-Person Intensives
    • Phone Consultations
    • Email Consultations
    • DID Zoom Groups
    • Calendar of Events
  • DID Education
    • Hiddenton Bear Dissoci-ACTION Story Packs
    • Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES)
    • Scoring the Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES)
    • List of All Articles on Discussing Dissociation Blog
  • Blog
  • Videos
  • Liability Agreement
    • Privacy Policy
    • Disclaimer of Liability Agreement
    • Kathy’s Waiver of Liability
    • Laura’s Waiver of Liability
    • QLD: National Code of Conduct for Health Care Workers
    • Unhappy with Discussing Dissociation?
  • Dissociative ART
  • Contact

Discussing Dissociation

Thoughts from a DID Systems Specialist

  • Healing Process
    • DID Education
    • Mental Health
    • Online Therapy
    • Power of Music
    • Therapy
    • Therapy and Counseling
    • Therapy Homework
    • Transference
  • DSM Diagnoses
    • Anxiety
    • BDP
    • Compulsive Hoarding
    • Depression
    • DID/MPD
    • Dissociative Identity Disorder
  • DID System Work
    • Artwork
    • Child Alters
    • Integrations
    • Internal Communication
    • Introjects
    • Stories for Child Insiders
    • Bears of Hiddenton Point
  • Trauma and Abuse
    • Domestic Violence
    • Mind Control
    • Emotional Pain
    • Fear
    • Physical Abuse
    • Ritual Abuse
    • Self Injury
    • Sexual Abuse
    • Trauma
  • Funny Stuff
    • Fun Bird Videos
    • Fun!
    • Maggies
    • Puppies
    • Uncategorized
  • Supportive Helpers
    • Family Members of Trauma Survivors
    • Friends of Multiples
    • Supportive Spouses
    • Trauma Therapist
    • Prevention of Sexual Abuse
  • TV and Video
    • HBO’s Series “In Treatment”
    • Kathy’s Video Comments
    • One Life to Live
    • United States of Tara
    • Podcasts
You are here: Home / DID Education / Not Listening to Abusive Teachings

Not Listening to Abusive Teachings

By Kathy Broady MSW 15 Comments

You Are Listening

 

Hello today!  

I’ve got some quotes to share with you today — quotes are massively powerful in their simplicity.

Words that could impact your healing.

Think of how they can apply to the healing process of a dissociative trauma survivor —  a survivor of any kind of abuse….. Child abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, domestic violence, ritual abuse, mind control.

I know and I know and I know without a shadow of doubt that horrific, hideous words were said to you during your years of trauma.  It was wrong for your abusers to say those words. Wrong, vile, and unacceptable on every level.

I am sure that those damaging words and phrases still can be heard in your mind, in your internal communication, and probably even in your own speech.  Removing that trash talk from your mind and your life is essential for your healing, your internal cooperation, and your overall peace of mind.

Have a look at these quotes again.  Can you apply them consistently in your life, and throughout your system?

 

Change Your Thinking

 

 

It is critically important for your healing that you no longer believe the negative, derogatory, ugly comments that were said by your abusers.  Those horrific words were not truth. They were violence.  They were meant to harm you.

 

You are not what they say.  

You don’t have to listen to those words anymore.  You do not have to accept those words anymore.  You do not have to internalize those words anymore.

 

It is essential that you separate yourself from abuse.  

 

You cannot control what abusers say, but you can decide to not listen to them.  You can move away from abusers.  You can leave abusive situations.  You can remove abusive speech from your insiders.

You don’t have to be trapped in their negative mind control.  You are who you say.  You can be your own self.  You can insist on appropriate, healthy, respectful language in your own system.

 

Know Your Worth

 

 

I can’t say it any better.

You DO have worth — and that is the full truth.

 

If you are arguing with me about that, then you are listening to a negativity that needs to be ignored and thrown away.  It is NOT truth, even if it is “familiar thinking”, it’s not actual truth.

 

It really is important to put the positive truths into practice.  They are simply said, complicated to apply. Now that you are older, you have the ability, the strength, and the resources to make new decisions. You couldn’t remove yourself from the abuse when you were younger, but you can now.

NOW really can be different from THEN.

When you are recovering from the abusive things that were said to you, work tediously to replace those harmful words with positive.  Remove the tapes that were given to you by abusers.  Free your mind from the violence they said to you.  Bust the programming.  Move your insiders from their worlds of darkness.  Find your strengths, your interests, your talents, and build on those.

 

Fill your mind, your soul, your spirit, your life with words of your own choosing.

 

You don’t have to let their abusive teachings control you anymore.

 

You can create a beautiful life full of peace and harmony, inside and out.

 

 

I know and I know and I know that you can.

I wish you the very best in your healing journey.

 

Warmly,

Kathy

 

Copyright © 2008-2021 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation

 

Related Posts

  • SAFETY FIRST: Assessing Safety of Sexual Abuse Survivors

    Healing from trauma and abuse is very difficult when there is ongoing trauma and abuse.…

  • 10 Truths for Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse

    Sexual abuse experienced by adults can be a difficult and complex situation. These 10 truths…

  • 12 Tips for Reducing Shame

    One of the hardest areas of healing work in trauma disorders is dealing with shame.…

Filed Under: DID Education, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Domestic Violence, emotional pain, Internal Communication, mental health, Mind Control, Physical Abuse, Prevention of Sexual Abuse, Ritual Abuse, Self Injury, sexual abuse, Therapy Homework Ideas, Trauma Tagged With: Busting the programming, Domestic Violence, Internal Communication, Leaving abusers, Mind Control, Positive self talk, Self Esteem, Self-Worth, Verbal abuse, Zig Ziglar

Comments

  1. Wendy says

    January 31, 2022 at 4:25 pm

    We got to NOT listen to those old bad rules no more!!
    If 1 of the bad people said it then it probably be a LIE
    They dont tell the truth cuz they must want to control you
    It make them feel better to hurt kids
    That be so bad of them
    We got to listen to people who act nice who say kind things who act like they care.
    We got to learn new things from people who wants to teach good stuff
    We got to ignore mean teaching
    We got to ignore teaching about hurting and blood and gross things and hurting each other
    We got to listen good to teaching nice things

    Reply
  2. Missy says

    February 19, 2019 at 2:48 am

    What f you words were positive words with abuse behind them? Love =means pain, I wonder =,Means go do that now or you will regret it, I promise = it’s a lie. So forth and so on. Tons words use for good that got twisted into bad? These words are harder how do we teach ourselves the real meaning of them.

    Reply
  3. Mindy says

    June 20, 2018 at 11:36 am

    The bad pepl them mosly be liers
    Them say bad things to make us feel bad
    But God dont want lise he want pepl to say the trueth
    It be rel hard som tims
    But caden ben teching us if we here a bad vois in are hed to tell it to go away
    Then thenk som thing good on prpus
    The bad pepl dont be werth lisning to

    Reply
  4. Serene says

    June 2, 2018 at 1:18 pm

    Platitudes are annoying.

    Reply
    • T.Clark says

      June 2, 2018 at 10:50 pm

      At least you’’re still alive.
      It could be worse.
      All work and no play makes T.Clark a dull multiple.
      Yah, those can be wretched.
      Silence is pretty bad, too.
      We would be lonely anywhere. Are. Except when we go birdwatching with our child. So not everywhere. Out in the trees and birds we feel something. Traveling to mountains we feel something. 6/2/18

      Reply
      • KenKen :) to T.Clark et.al. says

        June 3, 2018 at 10:37 am

        Heya T.Clark et.al.

        We hope you get out and roam in the wilderness, refresh, revitalize. Take Care Of Yous❤️

        Reply
  5. ME+WE says

    October 27, 2017 at 2:31 pm

    Hi AlltheJillPeople. Great questions. How do you undo years of negative stuff pelted at our brains? Wren has offered some great suggestions here. Actually, the description of letting the messages flow through is spot on what my meditation teacher has been telling me. It is not about pushing these messages away or embracing them. It is about simply acknowledging their presence, not engaging them and letting them flow through. Okay, I used the word simple here and it is a whole lot of NOT SO DARN SIMPLE!!! But, I’m working on it and it is helping.

    And, while I hear you Pilgrim and can only imagine the life experiences that have brought you to this place, in a very practical way it is about “stupid little quotes with flowery backgrounds.” I am not saying this in any Pollyanna way. It is all grounded in neuroscience and how the neural pathway’s in our brain work. We have built strong pathways to negative feeling and messages about ourselves. It is like a path through a field of grass. At the beginning, it is just a field of dense grass. But when it gets walked on over and over and over again, the grass disappears, the pathway becomes bare earth and eventually it becomes a well-worn trough of dirt through the field. Well, that is the pathway of abuse, horrible life pictures and negative messages that were worn into our brain’s neural pathways. This becomes the tried and true way to go in our brains, in our thinking about ourselves, in our receiving negative messages and creating them for ourselves. When we are in even the most benign situations, our brains will take this negative pathway. So we need to start new paths in our brains, ones that are grounded in positive messages and nice pictures. And, we have to work at walking over this path over and over again because the way will not be clear at first and the terrain will be rough land filled with potential obstacles. But, the more we walk on the path, the clearer it will become until it is well worn and comfortable. The old path will grow over with neglect. A faint remnant of it may remain, but it will not be the route that your brain will choose to go on. This all takes a lot of time and effort to focus on the positive messages even if some of our insiders do not want to get on board.

    Reply
  6. Wren says

    October 27, 2017 at 11:10 am

    All theJillPeople,

    Oh, this really is a hard one for me, too. My T had me writing the negative talk down and then some opposites…but it was not helping at all. I just felt more sad and more stuck and, like you say, full of rebellion from within.

    I have to start small. Teeny tiny steps. Sometimes that means I don’t try to change a negative script…I just NOTICE it. Like the breeze coming in the front door and leaving through the back door.
    I find if I stare at a negative thing it can destroy me. For example if I stare at Anxiety it can eat me up. I am learning to acknowledge it without staring at it. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I can notice a negative script without owning it…at least sometimes. Sometimes I think of mean scripts as an old tape recording and say “That is an old tape. I don’t need that anymore.”

    I am just beginning to try and challenge the scripts just a little. If I try to replace it all at once I won’t believe my own words. It would feel like I was playing a game or lying to myself. I cannot not jump from “You are a stupid hateful person” to “Oh, look how wonderful you are! You are amazing!” That is too big a leap. I have started using a small bit to challenge my self-talk. When I say to myself “You are a worthless person” I might counter that with “I fed the cat.” Sounds maybe simplistic but I have to get really really simple. I so struggle with this, but feeding the cat is a worthwhile and caring thing. I am countering the enormous sweeping abusive script with a small undeniable thing. “I fed the cat.”

    I would like to hear more about this, too.

    Reply
  7. All theJillPeople says

    October 27, 2017 at 2:52 am

    Very hard to do. We turn the negative thinking, words, and actions made by others into the reality of today when it isn’t there.

    One of the biggest issues for us is when outside folks say similar negative comments. Have heard things such as we are Faking DID, been accused of lying, other negative comments that feels like our experiences were not real.

    This just makes those old records play louder… or at least it does for us.

    We haven’t seen one article yet posted anywhere about how exactly to do what you are writing about. Some of these messages are ingrained into insiders. How do we change them?

    Is there a practical guide to doing this without rebellion from within?

    Very hard subject.. very hard.

    Reply
    • Lily says

      October 27, 2017 at 8:37 pm

      We are the same. Tired of hearing it like it’s going around and around on a tape recorder we can’t shut off 😭

      Reply
  8. Pilgrim says

    June 9, 2015 at 11:37 pm

    Cheezy pictures like that make me want to throw up.
    I would rather hear real things than fake things
    Real life doesnt operate in stupid little quotes with flowery backgrounds.

    Reply
  9. Jean Eisenhower says

    November 13, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    Reblogged this on The Paradigm Salon and commented:
    Absolutely critical! I’ve been working on “this stuff” for decades, and I confirm: What we say to ourselves is absolutely critical. I was given a pretty journal once, which I decided I’d use only to name one thing (or more) each night that I was grateful for: good health, good weather, my cat, a friendly face. I also quit saying “I can’t” do certain things, like remember names; instead, I said, “I’m working on remembering names better.” Today, despite a life that I once thought was the most tragic in the entire world, I’m becoming more functional again and am happy most days. Thank you, Kathy, for these important words.

    Reply
  10. Jean Eisenhower says

    November 13, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    I’ve been working on “this stuff” for decades, and I confirm: What we say to ourselves is absolutely critical. I was given a pretty journal once, which I decided I’d use only to name one thing (or more) each night that I was grateful for: good health, good weather, my cat, a friendly face. I also quit saying “I can’t” do certain things, like remember names; instead, I said, “I’m working on remembering names better.” Today, despite a life that I once thought was the most tragic in the entire world, I’m becoming more functional again and am happy most days. Thank you, Kathy, for these important words. I’m re-posting this on my own site now (ParadigmSalon.net) with a link to you.

    Reply
  11. jan says

    November 13, 2014 at 8:34 am

    wow this is what i need to do, im struggling with it, can’t find anything good to say

    Reply
  12. Pilgrim says

    October 18, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    I’m trying

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Warning: in_array() expects parameter 2 to be array, bool given in /home/customer/www/discussingdissociation.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/subscribe-to-comments-reloaded/wp_subscribe_reloaded.php on line 1540

Warning: array_flip() expects parameter 1 to be array, bool given in /home/customer/www/discussingdissociation.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/subscribe-to-comments-reloaded/wp_subscribe_reloaded.php on line 1544

Warning: in_array() expects parameter 2 to be array, null given in /home/customer/www/discussingdissociation.com/public_html/wp-content/plugins/subscribe-to-comments-reloaded/wp_subscribe_reloaded.php on line 1547


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

P4² DID Conference
It. Was. AWESOME!
Videos and Handouts coming soon.

Thank you for staying at the Royal Sonesta Chicago Downtown by the Riverwalk. What a beautiful venue we had. I hope you enjoyed your stay. It was absolutely fun and fabulous to meet you!

Support
This Conference

The Serafin Project is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization who sponsors the P4² DID Conference. You too can help support the P4 DID Conferences with a tax deductible donation. Click Here.

Discussing Dissociation Community Forum

Feeling lonely and needing privacy to talk with people who understand DID? Click the image below to join us

Find SUPPORT at the Discussing Dissociation SSPA Forum

Who Do You Talk With When Your Partner Has DID? Click the image below to join our supportive community.

Saddest Little Bear
Dissoci-ACTION Story Pack

Need Help Calming the Chaos when Painfully Confronted with New DID System Parts?

Saddest Little Bear will help you learn how to calm your system, settle the internal chaos, connect with new parts, and bring more peace and healing into your life. Click here to learn more.

DID Email Consultations with Laura

Phone / Video Consultations with Kathy

Support this Site

Your relationship with this site is greatly appreciated!

Discussing Dissociation remains free (and ad-free) for dissociative trauma survivors all over the world. There are hundreds of articles and thousands of helpful comments. The amount of information and guidance you can find at this site is exemplary. As this site grows, the time, costs, and energy required to maintain DD increases significantly each year. It’s free for you, but not free for me.

If you find support, encouragement, and value in what Discussing Dissociation provides for you, please consider supporting this site with a monthly cup of coffee for Kathy, a working lunch, or healthy treats for the puppies.

MONTHLY RECURRING DONATION

  • $5 /month
  • $15 /month
  • $25 /month
  • $35 /month
  • $55 /month

ONE-TIME SUPPORT

Unique offers of support are valuable as well. Select any amount of your own choosing to give as a one-time offer of support and appreciation.

Need to cancel your recurring support? Go here.

Let’s Connect

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

About Me Here


Kathy - a clinical Social Worker, surrounded by kelpies, who enjoys puzzles, pianos, pizza, pretties in nature, and people with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Read more

Looking For Something?

Popular Posts

  • Introjects – What are Introjects?
  • 10 Tips For Spouses and Partners of Survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder
  • 20 Signs of Unresolved Trauma
  • 20 Types of Dissociative Splits
  • Working with Difficult and Destructive Alters
  • Scoring the Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES)
  • What is a Perpetrator Introject in a Dissociative DID System?
  • When You Suddenly Lose Your Therapist
  • Mothers and Mothers Day for Trauma Survivors
  • Switching in Your Sleep -– Are you Snoozing or Secretly Awake?

Recent Comments

  • ME+WE on Working with Difficult and Destructive Alters
  • ME+WE on What do you think about Suicide?
  • Rylie on What do you think about Suicide?
  • ME+WE on 10 Big Benefits of Being on the Email List for Discussing Dissociation
  • ME+WE on Integration: A Requirement for DID Therapy – Or Not?
  • ME+WE on 10 Life-Lessons I’ve Learned from Multiples, part 2
  • Temi on Working with Difficult and Destructive Alters
  • April Rhynold on 10 Big Benefits of Being on the Email List for Discussing Dissociation
  • Helen on Integration: A Requirement for DID Therapy – Or Not?
  • Mythes et Faits sur le TDI – Partie 4 – Troubles Dissociatifs – Documentation on Introjects – What are Introjects?
  • Be. on Acronyms As a Way to Bridge Communication
  • linda on 10 Life-Lessons I’ve Learned from Multiples, part 2
  • linda on 10 Life-Lessons I’ve Learned from Multiples, part 2
  • ME+WE on Turning Self-Injury into Self-Soothing
  • Me+WE on Losing an Animal Family Member: Your Animal Friend, Beloved Pet, or Furry Companion
  • ME+WE on 10 Truths for Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse
  • Wendy on Introjects – What are Introjects?
  • My/selves+Me on Turning Self-Injury into Self-Soothing
  • My/selves+Me on Turning Self-Injury into Self-Soothing
  • linda on Art can Help! Art Reduces Anxiety and Depression and Increases Wellbeing

Copyright © 2022 Kathy Broady, MSW. All rights reserved. No part of this may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Kathy Broady, MSW. Discussing Dissociation accepts no liability for advice or information given here or errors/omissions in the text. It is merely intended as a general informational overview of the subject for healthcare professionals, trauma survivors, and those reading the DiscussingDissociation site.