I’ve got some quotes to share with you today — quotes are massively powerful in their simplicity.
Words that could impact your healing.
Think of how they can apply to the healing process of a dissociative trauma survivor — a survivor of any kind of abuse….. Child abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, domestic violence, ritual abuse, mind control.
I know and I know and I know without a shadow of doubt that horrific, hideous words were said to you during your years of trauma. It was wrong for your abusers to say those words. Wrong, vile, and unacceptable on every level.
I am sure that those damaging words and phrases still can be heard in your mind, in your internal communication, and probably even in your own speech. Removing that trash talk from your mind and your life is essential for your healing, your internal cooperation, and your overall peace of mind.
Have a look at these quotes again. Can you apply them consistently in your life, and throughout your system?
It is critically important for your healing that you no longer believe the negative, derogatory, ugly comments that were said by your abusers. Those horrific words were not truth. They were violence. They were meant to harm you.
You are not what they say.
You don’t have to listen to those words anymore. You do not have to accept those words anymore. You do not have to internalize those words anymore.
It is essential that you separate yourself from abuse.
You cannot control what abusers say, but you can decide to not listen to them. You can move away from abusers. You can leave abusive situations. You can remove abusive speech from your insiders.
You don’t have to be trapped in their negative mind control. You are who you say. You can be your own self. You can insist on appropriate, healthy, respectful language in your own system.
I can’t say it any better.
You DO have worth — and that is the full truth.
If you are arguing with me about that, then you are listening to a negativity that needs to be ignored and thrown away. It is NOT truth, even if it is “familiar thinking”, it’s not actual truth.
It really is important to put the positive truths into practice. They are simply said, complicated to apply. Now that you are older, you have the ability, the strength, and the resources to make new decisions. You couldn’t remove yourself from the abuse when you were younger, but you can now.
NOW really can be different from THEN.
When you are recovering from the abusive things that were said to you, work tediously to replace those harmful words with positive. Remove the tapes that were given to you by abusers. Free your mind from the violence they said to you. Bust the programming. Move your insiders from their worlds of darkness. Find your strengths, your interests, your talents, and build on those.
Fill your mind, your soul, your spirit, your life with words of your own choosing.
You don’t have to let their abusive teachings control you anymore.
You can create a beautiful life full of peace and harmony, inside and out.
I know and I know and I know that you can.
I wish you the very best in your healing journey.
Copyright © 2008-2021 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
We been trying really hard to ignore the mean stuff.
The Bully been real mean but her ALWAYS does be. But ever since June Kaydin have been so so mean and so loud. And caroline wont fight with her like caden did so that makes her even madder. Her wants people to yell at her. She says people only tells the truth when theyre mad and yelling. Like that when people be mad at you then you know they be telling the truth.
So here be some stuff we been saying to her,
1. Do that be helpful to say?
2. We dont listen to bullies.
3. Nobody gonna talk to you with THAT attitude.
4. We know you think you be trying to help us keep from getting hurted again but there probably be a better way to do it.
5. Just becuase YOU know you be right doesnt mean you actually DO be right.
6. If you gona act like that just go back up to you attic and yell all you want.
Also we can just walk away. Her gets really mad. But hopefully her will stop after a while. We hope.
We got to NOT listen to those old bad rules no more!!
If 1 of the bad people said it then it probably be a LIE
They dont tell the truth cuz they must want to control you
It make them feel better to hurt kids
That be so bad of them
We got to listen to people who act nice who say kind things who act like they care.
We got to learn new things from people who wants to teach good stuff
We got to ignore mean teaching
We got to ignore teaching about hurting and blood and gross things and hurting each other
We got to listen good to teaching nice things
What f you words were positive words with abuse behind them? Love =means pain, I wonder =,Means go do that now or you will regret it, I promise = it’s a lie. So forth and so on. Tons words use for good that got twisted into bad? These words are harder how do we teach ourselves the real meaning of them.
The bad pepl them mosly be liers
Them say bad things to make us feel bad
But God dont want lise he want pepl to say the trueth
It be rel hard som tims
But caden ben teching us if we here a bad vois in are hed to tell it to go away
Then thenk som thing good on prpus
The bad pepl dont be werth lisning to
Platitudes are annoying.
At least you’’re still alive.
It could be worse.
All work and no play makes T.Clark a dull multiple.
Yah, those can be wretched.
Silence is pretty bad, too.
We would be lonely anywhere. Are. Except when we go birdwatching with our child. So not everywhere. Out in the trees and birds we feel something. Traveling to mountains we feel something. 6/2/18
KenKen :) to T.Clark et.al. says
Heya T.Clark et.al.
We hope you get out and roam in the wilderness, refresh, revitalize. Take Care Of Yous❤️
Hi AlltheJillPeople. Great questions. How do you undo years of negative stuff pelted at our brains? Wren has offered some great suggestions here. Actually, the description of letting the messages flow through is spot on what my meditation teacher has been telling me. It is not about pushing these messages away or embracing them. It is about simply acknowledging their presence, not engaging them and letting them flow through. Okay, I used the word simple here and it is a whole lot of NOT SO DARN SIMPLE!!! But, I’m working on it and it is helping.
And, while I hear you Pilgrim and can only imagine the life experiences that have brought you to this place, in a very practical way it is about “stupid little quotes with flowery backgrounds.” I am not saying this in any Pollyanna way. It is all grounded in neuroscience and how the neural pathway’s in our brain work. We have built strong pathways to negative feeling and messages about ourselves. It is like a path through a field of grass. At the beginning, it is just a field of dense grass. But when it gets walked on over and over and over again, the grass disappears, the pathway becomes bare earth and eventually it becomes a well-worn trough of dirt through the field. Well, that is the pathway of abuse, horrible life pictures and negative messages that were worn into our brain’s neural pathways. This becomes the tried and true way to go in our brains, in our thinking about ourselves, in our receiving negative messages and creating them for ourselves. When we are in even the most benign situations, our brains will take this negative pathway. So we need to start new paths in our brains, ones that are grounded in positive messages and nice pictures. And, we have to work at walking over this path over and over again because the way will not be clear at first and the terrain will be rough land filled with potential obstacles. But, the more we walk on the path, the clearer it will become until it is well worn and comfortable. The old path will grow over with neglect. A faint remnant of it may remain, but it will not be the route that your brain will choose to go on. This all takes a lot of time and effort to focus on the positive messages even if some of our insiders do not want to get on board.
Oh, this really is a hard one for me, too. My T had me writing the negative talk down and then some opposites…but it was not helping at all. I just felt more sad and more stuck and, like you say, full of rebellion from within.
I have to start small. Teeny tiny steps. Sometimes that means I don’t try to change a negative script…I just NOTICE it. Like the breeze coming in the front door and leaving through the back door.
I find if I stare at a negative thing it can destroy me. For example if I stare at Anxiety it can eat me up. I am learning to acknowledge it without staring at it. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I can notice a negative script without owning it…at least sometimes. Sometimes I think of mean scripts as an old tape recording and say “That is an old tape. I don’t need that anymore.”
I am just beginning to try and challenge the scripts just a little. If I try to replace it all at once I won’t believe my own words. It would feel like I was playing a game or lying to myself. I cannot not jump from “You are a stupid hateful person” to “Oh, look how wonderful you are! You are amazing!” That is too big a leap. I have started using a small bit to challenge my self-talk. When I say to myself “You are a worthless person” I might counter that with “I fed the cat.” Sounds maybe simplistic but I have to get really really simple. I so struggle with this, but feeding the cat is a worthwhile and caring thing. I am countering the enormous sweeping abusive script with a small undeniable thing. “I fed the cat.”
I would like to hear more about this, too.
All theJillPeople says
Very hard to do. We turn the negative thinking, words, and actions made by others into the reality of today when it isn’t there.
One of the biggest issues for us is when outside folks say similar negative comments. Have heard things such as we are Faking DID, been accused of lying, other negative comments that feels like our experiences were not real.
This just makes those old records play louder… or at least it does for us.
We haven’t seen one article yet posted anywhere about how exactly to do what you are writing about. Some of these messages are ingrained into insiders. How do we change them?
Is there a practical guide to doing this without rebellion from within?
Very hard subject.. very hard.
We are the same. Tired of hearing it like it’s going around and around on a tape recorder we can’t shut off 😭
Cheezy pictures like that make me want to throw up.
I would rather hear real things than fake things
Real life doesnt operate in stupid little quotes with flowery backgrounds.
Jean Eisenhower says
Reblogged this on The Paradigm Salon and commented:
Absolutely critical! I’ve been working on “this stuff” for decades, and I confirm: What we say to ourselves is absolutely critical. I was given a pretty journal once, which I decided I’d use only to name one thing (or more) each night that I was grateful for: good health, good weather, my cat, a friendly face. I also quit saying “I can’t” do certain things, like remember names; instead, I said, “I’m working on remembering names better.” Today, despite a life that I once thought was the most tragic in the entire world, I’m becoming more functional again and am happy most days. Thank you, Kathy, for these important words.
Jean Eisenhower says
I’ve been working on “this stuff” for decades, and I confirm: What we say to ourselves is absolutely critical. I was given a pretty journal once, which I decided I’d use only to name one thing (or more) each night that I was grateful for: good health, good weather, my cat, a friendly face. I also quit saying “I can’t” do certain things, like remember names; instead, I said, “I’m working on remembering names better.” Today, despite a life that I once thought was the most tragic in the entire world, I’m becoming more functional again and am happy most days. Thank you, Kathy, for these important words. I’m re-posting this on my own site now (ParadigmSalon.net) with a link to you.
wow this is what i need to do, im struggling with it, can’t find anything good to say