Every survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) that I know has a lot of enormously difficult days when they struggle desperately with feeling bad, feeling lousy, feeling at fault, feeling pain. Those struggles can last for years. Healing does come, but on those difficult days, remember what is true.
When the hard days come, it might be hard to remember….
-
It was not okay that anyone touched your body in ways that hurt you.
-
When you were young, it was never your fault that your body was sexually assaulted. You were not responsible. You are not to blame.
-
There is nothing that any child can do, ever, that would make that child deserve sexual abuse, including you.
-
ANY adult that touches a child in sexual ways is completely inappropriate and wrong to do so.
-
Instead of hating and hurting yourself for what others did to you, treat your wounded heart, soul, and body with kindness, gentleness, and respect.
-
No matter what shape or size or color or height or weight of your body, no one ever had the right to sexually engage you as a child.
-
You are not a bad person even if adults forced themselves upon you when you were a child. What they did was bad. What you did was endure the pain.
-
The bad you feel belongs to the adults who did sexual crimes to you. You are not the bad one. They are the criminals.
-
You were a precious, beautiful child. Even if ugly yucky things happened to you, you are beautiful. Then, and now.
Don’t believe the ugly garbage that your abusers said to you.
Believe in yourself instead.
You were innocent, and you are beautiful.
I wish you the very, very best in your healing journey.
Hold tight. You can do this.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
Pamela says
August 26, 2014 at 12:05 amGreat post!
manyofus1980 says
August 26, 2014 at 12:27 amReblogged this on Multi-Me.
Pilgrim says
August 26, 2014 at 6:14 pmNot butifil. Im so ugly 🙁
Ugly in side and out side
m.
Kathy Broady says
August 26, 2014 at 8:14 pmLittle Pilgrim m,
That’s old thinking hanging around your brain… Try shaking it off. Shake that real hard. It’s very important to try new thinking, and to look at yucky things with new thoughts. Lots of ugly things have happened to you, I’m sure. You aren’t the yucky thing that happened. You are you, a young, innocent little person. And yes, you can be beautiful too, as beautiful as any other child in the whole world.
Imagine that for a bit. How would that feel? What might it be like to feel beautiful?
Warmly,
Kathy
peoplepuzzlepieces says
August 26, 2014 at 7:57 pmThat’s all fine and dandy for when you were a child but what about when it continues on into adulthood? Whose fault is it then? It feels awfully like the blame should be at least partly your own. What are your thoughts on that Kathy?
Kathy Broady says
August 26, 2014 at 8:02 pmYou’re reading my mind, PPP! I have plans to follow up this post with one based on adult-aged sexual abuse because yes….. That’s a significant and very unique situation. Related but completely different from childhood sexual abuse, for sure.
I hope to post that in the near future…. Because yes, I have things to say about that.
Thanks for the very brave comment.
Warmly,
Kathy
Pilgrim says
August 29, 2014 at 3:27 pmIm not inosent.i wish i was. I dont no what it wuld feel lile to be butiful. Mabey pepole would like me then. Mabey then pepole woudlnt get mad at me or hate me so much. If i was pretty pepole wouldnt get so mad. If i was butiful mabey i would be happy. I never was inosent ever. I dont no what thats like. I dont no. I just sond stupid. I dont no.
Ourselves etc. says
November 21, 2015 at 5:44 pmI notice here – and most other places – that abusers are ‘adult’. What about other children? I’m struggling, still, with whether or not something was wrong as it was other children involved, and not adults. In some ways, I feel that having an adult betray me in this manner would make it a lot easier for me to accept that maybe it shouldn’t have happened.
I’m just struggling and confused. And someone inside can’t deal very well with those memories. Are they entitled to feel bad?
P.S. Who is the beautiful girl in the picture?
wendy says
July 27, 2017 at 2:20 pmmy dad told me one time i was almost getting to pretty to get mad at all the time.
but i guess i am not pretty becuse people get mad at me all the time.
i tried to stick up for myself the other day when somewon tried to mess with me,
it seemed ok at 1st but then in back fired on me.
i dont no if i will do it agan,
i hate being a girl.
LiL Ones says
September 21, 2018 at 7:07 pm“You Can Do This”. Are ya Sure?
Some days I think so. Some days I’m not so sure. It’s Hard Kathy. Really Hard Work. I’m Holding Tight Cause Today is a Hard Day. Tomorrow just might be better. I’ll Hold Tight.
Thank you for this Blog. I’m not alone.
ME+WE says
September 22, 2018 at 3:20 amHi Lil Ones,
I am so sorry that you are going through a rough day (rough time). You are certainly not alone here. We are holding gentle, comforting space for you here. You are super brave to have posted and that shows that you are super courageous in making sure that you survive each day.
“You can do this” … most definitely you can because you already have. As much as it is hard now, you have gotten through the worst all ready. And you are not alone this time around. You have your friends here who care, listen, understand and want to help in any way that we can.
With gentle hugs (if you like hugs).
ME+WE
09/21/18
Lindsay says
October 11, 2018 at 10:23 amWe really needed this tonight….
Thank You!
Amy B Robinson says
October 13, 2018 at 9:59 amI would like to remember all of these great words when times for us are overwhelming. They all are true when we can think.
Missy says
February 19, 2019 at 2:59 amWhat if the words are , “it’s not my fault I cannot help myself your so beautiful? I can’t help but love you” and these word came with the feeling of shame and pain feeling of being dirty
Nessa says
March 2, 2019 at 7:28 pmI just had some really hard ritual abuse memmories surface my psychologist said exactly the same stuff so I don’t think its a coincidence I came across this hes also said it’s not happening right now oooh I hurt so bad right now
ME+WE says
March 6, 2019 at 7:53 amHello Nessa,
I am so sorry that you are hurting. Memories help us to understand so that we can heal. That does not take the pain away but it offers hope for the hard times. Honour your pain, grieve it and then hopefully, one day, you will be able to let it go. Hang in there. We are here to listen and help however we can.
ME+WE
03/05/19