Thank you for continuing to read here at Discussing Dissociation while I was away. That’s very much appreciated.
Let’s start up again with a complicated and somewhat controversial topic….. integration. What do you think about integration? Is it necessary or not?
I am so confused about this integration. I was told as soon as I tell the secrets that my parts are held then integration and healing would take place. I have shared with the therapist pretty much all I know and My unwillingness to dig into the memory of the parts, at this time. Feels like I got left in the cold with no further instructions on what to do> That sucks. I already have enough issues and this did not need to be added.
Kathy thank you for your ability to recognize what works best for us and our systems.
Topic of integration- this is a hard one for me. I have 1 1/2 years into therapy and we still refuse to see things as they really are. How do we reconcile the past monster I knew as a child and the hero that I thought my abuser was/still is?
How do I tell him, that I know what he did and that it WASN’T OKAY. This is an article that I read on integration that really focuses on some of the positive aspects of integration. I found it really inspiring to know that this woman is now a therapist helping others as well.
Well, two very important topics here.
The journey to healing with DID is a path of thousand little steps … and then a thousand more … and then …
The range of emotions that we experience is not easily comprehended let alone reconciled. We are a complex system of conflicting emotions. That is how we survived our abuse. Sorting those feelings out takes time … a whole lot of time and work and patience and listening to our insiders. Our heroes to one insider can be the evil abuser to another insider. And, maybe our abuser had a little bit of both in them. But, the truth of who they were needs to be addressed and all insiders need to see that reality. Not easy to do though. You cannot force or rush this understanding. You just have to keep an open mind and heart to the truth and keep working with all of your insiders to share that truth.
As for integration, I do not see that as my goal. I see myself living in harmony, cooperation and co-consciousness with my insiders. If that is labeled “integration” then so be it. But, I do not seek it (i.e., eliminating my insiders in favour of a single ego state). I see no problem with others choosing that path. It is just that it is not for me. You see, I see my insiders as a precious gift. I do not want to loose that gift for what singletons say is “normal”. I like not being “normal”. I do not like how I got here but I sure as heck have discovered how special life can be as a multiple.
Just my take on these issues.
Yeah, integration is a hard one for me too. I’m not sure it’s hard for all of us, but maybe at some point, there will be integration happening for some of us. I don’t see all my parts integrating, but I’m leaving that up to them.
As far as telling goes, well, sometimes it isn’t safe to say what happened. You have to be very careful with how you say it. Not to protect them, but to protect you. Maybe something to process in therapy or with a trusted, wise friend that knows your story. The thing that is so confusing about abuse is that you have good memories along with the bad and it distorts the things we know about our caretakers. It’s amazing to me how people can be so good but so bad at the same time. I live with my abusers at the moment. I can do it because part of me (or a lot of me) has a hard time reconciling the fact they were my abusers (i.e. denial) and the fact that my basic needs were met. I had food, clothing, shelter, and they took us fun places. They taught us about music, and philosophy and stuff like that. But yet, they were also bad to us. It’s so complicated. Please be careful.
Hoping you have a glorious day,
deana adams says
I went through the stages of blending, then seemed to spontaneously integrated. It made me so sad. I can feel all my people. But never talked about or planned on integrating. Didn’t even have a therapist. Now its been 5 yrs. How do I know if I integrated or just am locked in or out?
Devia Murry says
Please keep posting kathy. It helps.
We like them ranbow fents and house we want to live there in them