• Home
  • About
    • Kathy Broady, MSW
    • Laura Boettger, LPC
    • Testimonials
  • Consultations
    • In-Person Intensives
    • Phone Consultations
    • Email Consultations
    • DID Zoom Groups
    • Calendar of Events
  • DID Education
    • Hiddenton Bear Dissoci-ACTION Story Packs
    • Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES)
    • Scoring the Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES)
    • List of All Articles on Discussing Dissociation Blog
  • Blog
  • Videos
  • Liability Agreement
    • Privacy Policy
    • Disclaimer of Liability Agreement
    • Kathy’s Waiver of Liability
    • Laura’s Waiver of Liability
    • QLD: National Code of Conduct for Health Care Workers
    • Unhappy with Discussing Dissociation?
  • Dissociative ART
  • Contact

Discussing Dissociation

Thoughts from a DID Systems Specialist

  • Healing Process
    • DID Education
    • Mental Health
    • Online Therapy
    • Power of Music
    • Therapy
    • Therapy and Counseling
    • Therapy Homework
    • Transference
  • DSM Diagnoses
    • Anxiety
    • BDP
    • Compulsive Hoarding
    • Depression
    • DID/MPD
    • Dissociative Identity Disorder
  • DID System Work
    • Artwork
    • Child Alters
    • Integrations
    • Internal Communication
    • Introjects
    • Stories for Child Insiders
    • Bears of Hiddenton Point
  • Trauma and Abuse
    • Domestic Violence
    • Mind Control
    • Emotional Pain
    • Fear
    • Physical Abuse
    • Ritual Abuse
    • Self Injury
    • Sexual Abuse
    • Trauma
  • Funny Stuff
    • Fun Bird Videos
    • Fun!
    • Maggies
    • Puppies
    • Uncategorized
  • Supportive Helpers
    • Family Members of Trauma Survivors
    • Friends of Multiples
    • Supportive Spouses
    • Trauma Therapist
    • Prevention of Sexual Abuse
  • TV and Video
    • HBO’s Series “In Treatment”
    • Kathy’s Video Comments
    • One Life to Live
    • United States of Tara
    • Podcasts
You are here: Home / Depression / Extinguishing Fear by Relaxing the Body

Extinguishing Fear by Relaxing the Body

By Kathy Broady MSW 40 Comments

20130822-183000.jpg

 

This photo was created by Grace Ciszkowski from Celebrating Freedom.

Grace survived the horrors of being kidnapped by a serial rapist / murderer.  You can read more about her incredible life journey at her FaceBook page, CelebratinFreedom.

 

 

A Helpful Reminder While Recovering from Trauma:

Extinguish fear by relaxing your body.

The brain cannot produce fear while the body is relaxed.

 

 

What do you think about these ideas?

When you are feeling fear, can you relax your body?

When you are relaxed, do you feel fear?

 

When I first saw this photo, I thought of body memories and the effect they have on survivors in the here-and-now.

Have your body memories ever affected you in such a way that it felt impossible to relax and be calm even though you were intellectually aware of being in the current date and time, in a safe place, separate and away from the traumatic situations of the past?

Do the reactions from your body memories ever feel like they are interfering with whatever you are wanting to accomplish?

Do you end up feeling intense fear from the past when you are trying to do something different in the present?

In my experience with dissociative trauma survivors, these are common experiences.

Scared child
Scared child (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A lifetime full of trauma teaches dissociative people how to separate from their body on an ongoing basis.

This incredible skill initially helped with the survival of terrible abuses, allowing the person to separate from the intensity of the pain, especially during the crisis moments.

After years of repeating the separation of mind and body, this separation becomes the norm.

The body automatically feels like a different entity – it becomes its own “self”, separate from the person.

For survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID / MPD), the insiders of all different ages and sizes may very well not claim the body anyway, adding more reasons to stay disconnected from the body.

Reconnecting with the body takes a lot of work, a lot of practice, and a lot of emotional healing.

The body remembers much of the pain, via cellular memory. Body memories are examples of the body remembering. The body often tenses up and re-experiences the pain that it tried to dissociate from.  This can hurt!  The body can re-create marks, and bruises, and old welts as well.

Now what?

 

How to help?

Teaching the body to relax, and to stay calm, and to not go into traumatic memory is an important part of healing.

 

1. Process the trauma through talk therapy. Yes, all the insiders of your system need time to talk and talk and talk about the hurts they experienced! Genuine emotional healing allows for more distance from the physical pain of the past, and lessens the chances of unexpected new pains surfacing in the now.

 

2. Living a genuinely safe life, free from ongoing and current-day abuses is obviously important. Ongoing trauma adds to PTSD symptoms, keeps the body needing to dissociate, keeps fear in the forefront, and obviously goes opposite to being able to relax and feel at peace. The safer you are, the better. For your body to be able to calm down, you need a calm life.

 

3. Making necessary adjustments and changes to the internal worlds, and cleaning / comforting the inner people and inner worlds helps the outside body as well. The trauma and chaos of the internal world truly impacts the amount of pain felt in the outside body. For example, if Little Jenny on the inside is stuck in a painful traumatic memory situation where she is feeling intense body pain internally, it is essential to internally move her (on the inside) to a new, clean, safe, comfortable place, far away from the traumatic picture she was caught in. If Little Jenny’s inside body isn’t feeling the pain, the outside body can stop feeling the pain as well.

 

4. EMDR and biofeedback can also be helpful in teaching the body to relax and increase calm. The brain learns new ways to experience calmness and less fear. It’s always good for the brain to learn the feeling of safety, peace, and calm. The brain can help guide the body towards less fear.

 

5. Participating in any variety of exercises, yoga, or pilates, swimming, safe body massage, sitting in sauna’s or spa’s or hot springs can all help the body to learn how to relax. These exercises will need to be repeated frequently to create new muscle memory.

 

It is absolutely necessary to teach your tense anxious muscles how to feel peace and calm. The more you don’t know how to feel peace and calm, the more essential it is for you to learn how to have less fear in your life. It is imperative to learn to slow your breathing, and to find a place of quiet, rest, and stress-free living.

 

And as your body learns to calm, your mind and inner self can calm as well.
Or is it as your mind and inner self learns to calm, your body can calm as well.

 

I’m not sure which is first — the chicken or the egg — but both are important.

What I do know is…. you’ve experienced more than enough fear, more than enough panic, more than enough pain, more than enough crisis, more than enough adrenaline. Way too much, way too often. And now, now it is okay, very very okay, to learn how to feel calm, peaceful, safe, and unworried.

 

Yes, extinguish fear by relaxing your body.

Let go of as much fear as you can….
Your body will thank you for it.

 

Warmly,

Kathy

 

 
For more information about Dissociative Identity Disorder, please watch my video playlist:
 
 
 

 

Copyright © 2008-2017 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation

Related articles
  • When the Painful Past is the Painful Present 
  • Feeling Split about Anger 
  • English: Brain structures involved in dealing ...
    English: Brain structures involved in dealing with stress and fear. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Related Posts

  • When the Painful Past is the Painful Present

      Hello, how are you today?  Are you reading from your painful past, or are…

  • 50 Treatment Issues for Dissociative Identity Disorder

    Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID ?MPD) has many complexities for appropriate treatment. Therapy is long, and…

  • 20 Signs of Unresolved Trauma

    Even if the memories of abuse are hidden from the survivor’s awareness, blocked trauma /…

Filed Under: Depression, DID Education, DID/MPD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotional pain, Fear, Online Therapy, Physical Abuse Tagged With: Body Memories, CelebratinFreedom, Celebrating Freedom, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Extinguishing fear, Facebook, Fear, Grace Ciszkowski, Health, Kathy, Kathy Broady, Kipnapping Survivor, pain, Posttraumatic stress disorder, Psychological trauma, Relaxing, relaxing the body, Trauma

Comments

  1. Wendy says

    November 26, 2021 at 8:17 pm

    We dont have been sleeping good this week. We be on some new medicine. We toss and turn a lot. We be trying to teach ourselves something new. We found some play lists on youtube that have ten hours of relaxing sounds. Usually when we wake up we get all nervous and anxious about what if we cant get back to sleep, what if we hve to go to work tomorrow even though we have been up since 2:30, stuff like that.

    So this week we be practicing something. When we wake up during the night we try to not start worrying. We just tell ourselfs, its ok, this isnt a big deal, this isnt anything to be scared of. So the past few nights we have done better about going back to sleep. Because we dont get all worked up. We get mae and jadie and put them back in their beds inside. And in a little bit we fall back to sleep. The other night it tookus 2 hours but after that we finally fell asleep again.

    We be on vacation this week and i think that helps. So hopefully if we wake up lots next week we can do this to. We rtry to relx our body starting with our head and go to our toes. We try to imagine that some one we love be talking to us. Sometimes we put a movie on to watch. So hopefully we can keep this up even when we go back to work on monday

    Reply
  2. Rylie says

    February 1, 2018 at 12:29 pm

    our body dont ever relax. the muscles always be so tight. it kinda hurts.

    Reply
  3. Betty says

    May 17, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    Hi Kathy,

    In order to do EMDR, does a client have to have a specific memory? I see this in many articles as a successful ways of treating DID, however, when I ask my T to try this she states I have to have a very specific memory in order to do it. Also, is ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) at all effective in DID therapy?

    Thank you,
    Betty

    Reply
    • Just Me says

      August 21, 2018 at 12:55 pm

      I am not an EMDR trained therapist, but my therapist is and she has lots of experience in working with DID. I find EMDR very helpful and don’t need a specific memory to start. We start with a problem and oftentimes as we progress through the process I discover a memory or piece of memory that relates to what feels “stuck” in the present. That being said, I had a previous therapist who had training and experience with EMDR but not much experience with DID and she caused more harm than help. So….I recommend finding someone who has experience using EMDR with folks with DID!@

      Reply
      • T.Clark says

        August 22, 2018 at 5:26 am

        Hi, Just Me. Our Ts say they won’t/can’t do EMDR until we can remain in the present. Apparently, a few years in and we still can’t be reliably present. Past/present/future/dream/delusion/dissociation/empathy are definitely jumbled up for us.

        Can we ask how you achieve “presence” in your lives? It makes us hopeful that you have an effective T. Thanks.

        And “hi” to everyone reading. 8/21/18

        Reply
  4. Pilgrim says

    January 15, 2016 at 11:38 pm

    My body dont relax
    It allways be tents
    It allways be all tite
    There allways be lots of bad felings in my body from things that pepol did
    Caden ben taking muscol relaxers but they dont do nuthing. The dr say them shuld work so hard they make me fall asleep. But they dont do nuthing at all even if we take 2.
    I try to take deep breths to help but that dont work.
    Do it ever gona get beter? Just cuz of what the bad pepol did my body gona hurt forever?
    From rachel

    Reply
  5. Pilgrim says

    September 20, 2015 at 12:32 am

    We still want to no how to do it
    We dont no the last time are body be colm
    Always are body hurt and be hard to move and dont relax

    Reply
  6. Pilgrim says

    August 9, 2015 at 12:45 am

    I still got to learn this. I dont no how.my body always be tents. Where do i learn ? From rachel

    Reply
  7. Pilgrim says

    August 1, 2015 at 10:44 pm

    I wish i no how to make my body colm
    I take deep breths but it dont wrok
    Are musols owas be tite

    Reply
  8. Pilgrim says

    July 3, 2015 at 12:01 am

    We ben trying very hard to relax this summer
    Caden even got a masaj
    The masai lady her say WOW you be so tite you sholdrs be like rocks!
    We swim to try to relx to
    Are body hurts all the time from no relax
    We dont sleep no more
    I be kind of afrad cuz we hittid are head so hard the other day and sins then we got a bad hedake and feel sick all the time
    That man say you need to relx an get aholld of you self cuz you gona kill you self
    He say he gona put us in the hosbitol
    We try to lisin to relax music
    We try red the bible
    We try to wash funy muvies to relX
    Nuthihg be working yet
    Caden say we got to dind somthing that works rel soon
    How do i make my boddy colm?

    Reply
  9. Mindy says

    December 29, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    How I wish I could actually read these articles….they are too overwhelming for me….it’s too hard. 🙁 I wish I could listen to them instead.

    Reply
  10. sojourner88 says

    December 29, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    I wish I could read these articles…but they are too overwhelming for me…I wish I could listen to them.

    Reply
    • Kathy Broady says

      April 1, 2016 at 7:51 pm

      Hi Mindy,
      That is a great idea. As I am currently making changes and improvements to this blog, I will look at making podcasts or MP3’s for the various articles. That’s a big learning curve for me, but I certainly hear what you are saying. 🙂
      Thanks for the comment – much appreciated.
      Warmly,
      Kathy

      Reply
  11. Pilgrim says

    November 22, 2013 at 11:20 pm

    How do me lern to make my boddy colm
    Spehsaly whem my stomak gets all wereed and it gets sick,.?
    My stomak it dosent want to colm down
    How to i lern it to?

    Reply
  12. journeyofthebrokenpieces says

    August 27, 2013 at 12:17 am

    This was a really great article. When I was doing research on DID for two different psych classes, I discovered that both the amygdala and the hippocampus are both connected to trauma and memory. I also found that exercise can actually repair the hippocampus that was thought to be non-repairable.

    Cortisol, the flight or fight hormone, can actually be released as well when too much is built up in our systems. Cortisol is needed but too much, like anything else is not a good thing. Releasing cortisol can be done by the very things you mentioned as well to help us relax.

    Learning to relax has positive results. Not just for brain function but also for proper hormone function as well.

    Thank you. Healing.

    Reply
    • Kathy Broady says

      August 29, 2013 at 9:17 pm

      Hello Journey of the broken pieces,
      Thanks for your comment, and welcome to Discussing Dissociation.
      You are certainly learning lots! The brain is a fascinating topic – I wish I knew more about all the cool stuff it does.

      I’m glad to hear that the ideas I found that have can be helpful for people needing to reduce the effects of trauma have some grounding in science, biology, and brain studies. If it makes sense in the clinical / treatment area, it’s makes sense that it would fit in the science / biology areas as well. Excellent news.

      Keep up the good work — your healing will come.

      Warmly,
      Kathy

      Reply
  13. Pilgrim says

    August 26, 2013 at 5:53 pm

    Dont no why aneybody wuld want to be in there body. We dont want to. It isnt ares aneway. Its that other girls body. This body is yukky it oways is haveing body memeries and flash backs

    and emdr is BADBADBAD and just made stuff lots lots werse. Lots werse

    We swim and the water it fels good its nice and smuth and soft

    We dont got aney safe plase there is no safe plase to go

    Reply
    • Kathy Broady says

      August 29, 2013 at 9:24 pm

      Hi Pilgrims,
      Thanks for your comment.
      The body doesn’t have to be a bad thing… it wasn’t meant to be a bad thing. I can understand how difficult it is tho’ when the body holds so much of the pain. It’s not fun when there is so much yucky stuff to remember.

      I am glad you are a swimmer. Swimming is an excellent way to get exercise, and to do something with the body that doesn’t have to hurt the body.

      And remember, you can build some internal safe places that belong to you and only you. Outside safe places might include places like your swimming pool, or a favorite park, or sitting under a table, or tucking inside your own room, or hiding under a blanket. Even if a safe place is safe for a little while, that’s better than feeling like there is nothing at all. Look for something that can be at least a little safe, or mostly safe. An “all or nothing” approach to safety might get too discouraging, so find something / some place where most of the time that you are there, you are not experiencing new hurts.

      There are safe places out there, even in this yucky scary world. Look for them — you’ll find them.

      Warmly,
      Kathy

      Reply
      • Ravi says

        March 30, 2017 at 3:00 am

        Do massages help? Any specific type

        Reply
        • Selah says

          December 31, 2018 at 8:44 pm

          Massages can help, but can also trigger PTSD/DID symptoms.
          I’ve had both simultaniously when i had massages.
          But i did love the massages i got cause they made me aware of my body in a less scary way.
          I just had classic massages, but also had shiatsu for problemareas.
          The only way to know is to endure a massage.

          And then…keep this in mind:
          – Take a safe place,
          – Agree on when to stop if it gets too hard for you,
          – Be careful about where to massage,
          – Take someone who you trust as a masseuse.
          You can actually start by asking a friend of safe familymember to massage you to try out how you respond to it.

          Reply
  14. ...a Beehive here Inside My Heart says

    August 25, 2013 at 8:52 am

    Thank you, this is a very timely post! 🙂

    Reply
    • Kathy Broady says

      August 29, 2013 at 9:36 pm

      Hello beehive,
      Thanks for the comment, and I’m glad this article was helpful.
      Is there anything further you can say about what’s going on for you?
      Thanks for reading…. and I hope your fear lessens soon.
      Warmly,
      Kathy

      Reply
  15. brokenbutbeingrepaired says

    August 25, 2013 at 8:53 am

    Got no words but y’know…..we get it.

    🙁

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

P4² DID Conference
It. Was. AWESOME!
Videos and Handouts coming soon.

Thank you for staying at the Royal Sonesta Chicago Downtown by the Riverwalk. What a beautiful venue we had. I hope you enjoyed your stay. It was absolutely fun and fabulous to meet you!

Support
This Conference

The Serafin Project is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization who sponsors the P4² DID Conference. You too can help support the P4 DID Conferences with a tax deductible donation. Click Here.

Discussing Dissociation Community Forum

Feeling lonely and needing privacy to talk with people who understand DID? Click the image below to join us

Find SUPPORT at the Discussing Dissociation SSPA Forum

Who Do You Talk With When Your Partner Has DID? Click the image below to join our supportive community.

Saddest Little Bear
Dissoci-ACTION Story Pack

Need Help Calming the Chaos when Painfully Confronted with New DID System Parts?

Saddest Little Bear will help you learn how to calm your system, settle the internal chaos, connect with new parts, and bring more peace and healing into your life. Click here to learn more.

DID Email Consultations with Laura

Phone / Video Consultations with Kathy

Support this Site

Your relationship with this site is greatly appreciated!

Discussing Dissociation remains free (and ad-free) for dissociative trauma survivors all over the world. There are hundreds of articles and thousands of helpful comments. The amount of information and guidance you can find at this site is exemplary. As this site grows, the time, costs, and energy required to maintain DD increases significantly each year. It’s free for you, but not free for me.

If you find support, encouragement, and value in what Discussing Dissociation provides for you, please consider supporting this site with a monthly cup of coffee for Kathy, a working lunch, or healthy treats for the puppies.

MONTHLY RECURRING DONATION

  • $5 /month
  • $15 /month
  • $25 /month
  • $35 /month
  • $55 /month

ONE-TIME SUPPORT

Unique offers of support are valuable as well. Select any amount of your own choosing to give as a one-time offer of support and appreciation.

Need to cancel your recurring support? Go here.

Let’s Connect

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

About Me Here


Kathy - a clinical Social Worker, surrounded by kelpies, who enjoys puzzles, pianos, pizza, pretties in nature, and people with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Read more

Looking For Something?

Popular Posts

  • Introjects – What are Introjects?
  • 20 Signs of Unresolved Trauma
  • 20 Types of Dissociative Splits
  • 10 Tips For Spouses and Partners of Survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder
  • ANNOUNCING! P4 Retreat: MONTANA
  • Scoring the Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES)
  • Working with Difficult and Destructive Alters
  • What is a Perpetrator Introject in a Dissociative DID System?
  • Switching in Your Sleep -– Are you Snoozing or Secretly Awake?
  • Developing Internal Communication – Starting with the Basics

Recent Comments

  • Kat on ANNOUNCING! P4 Retreat: MONTANA
  • Calvin on ANNOUNCING! P4 Retreat: MONTANA
  • Rylie on ANNOUNCING! P4 Retreat: MONTANA
  • Rylie on ANNOUNCING! P4 Retreat: MONTANA
  • My/selves+Me on Being Kind to Your Internal System
  • My/selves+Me on Being Kind to Your Internal System
  • lindalinda on Developing Internal Communication – Starting with the Basics
  • ME+WE on 2. Still Our Normal Complicated Selves — Keep on Writing!
  • ME+WE on 2. Still Our Normal Complicated Selves — Keep on Writing!
  • Deb on 2. Still Our Normal Complicated Selves — Keep on Writing!
  • My/selves+Me on 2. Still Our Normal Complicated Selves — Keep on Writing!
  • My/selves+Me on 2. Still Our Normal Complicated Selves — Keep on Writing!
  • ME+WE on Developing Internal Communication – Starting with the Basics
  • My/selves+Me on 2. Still Our Normal Complicated Selves — Keep on Writing!
  • UsPlus on ANNOUNCING! P4 Retreat: MONTANA
  • Alaydy on Being Hated, Feeling Hated, Overcoming Self-Hatred
  • Alaydy on Being Hated, Feeling Hated, Overcoming Self-Hatred
  • rylie on ANNOUNCING! P4 Retreat: MONTANA
  • linda on Developing Internal Communication – Starting with the Basics
  • linda on Developing Internal Communication – Starting with the Basics

Copyright © 2022 Kathy Broady, MSW. All rights reserved. No part of this may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Kathy Broady, MSW. Discussing Dissociation accepts no liability for advice or information given here or errors/omissions in the text. It is merely intended as a general informational overview of the subject for healthcare professionals, trauma survivors, and those reading the DiscussingDissociation site.