Hello !
Here is Doris and Morris. Of course.
Doris and Morris are the very best neighbors I have ever had. A horse, of course!
Doris is the pretty chestnut mare, and Morris is the beautiful black gelding.
Doris is younger, and spunky, and she happily canters over every afternoon for her very favorite treat — pieces of bread.
Bread, bread, bread!
Doris could eat a whole loaf of bread every single day. She also likes oatmeal, fresh grass, handfuls of hay, and chasing cows. Doris talks a lot — she creates a constant stream of pretty pony sounds every time she visits, proudly announcing her presence. Oh, and Doris the horse likes to run, of course!
Morris is an older, gentler soul. His knees are sore, so he walks over gingerly, lagging behind Doris. Morris likes hugs and brushings, and he will stand snuggled up close with his kind heart for as long as you’ll stand beside him. Even though feisty Doris sticks her nose out in front a lot of the time, snatching up as many treats as she can grab, Morris is still the boss, and he happily gives her a quick nip when she gets too pushy.
Morris likes bread and oatmeal too, of course, but Ritz crackers, strawberries, and Granny Smith apples are special treats for him since silly ol’ Doris turns her nose away at those tasty nibbles.
Doris! Don’t get so pushy, Pushy!
Doris and Morris are particularly good neighbors. They don’t make any annoying noises. They don’t intrude on my space. They make no complaints. They are happy to come and visit, but they are willing to go on their way as well. They don’t spread gossip, and they don’t talk bad about me behind my back. They don’t stare, they don’t impose, they don’t do any damage, they don’t make any messes. Doris and Morris are just good company.
It’s hard to find good neighbors. And I really appreciate good neighbors.
What are your neighbors like? Are you fortunate enough to have good neighbors?
Have you had some difficult neighbors in the past?
Having good neighbors is important for everyone, of course, but for survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder, having good neighbors is particularly important. DID survivors need to feel safe where they live, and to not feel afraid, angry, or upset or confused by the people that live near them. Most trauma survivors have had far too many years of living near difficult people.
Healing from a childhood filled chaos requires stability. Calm. Quiet. No unnecessary dramas.
A big part of the healing process for trauma survivors is finding, creating, and maintaining a peaceful environment here-and-now in the current day. You need space to heal. Room to breathe. A place to rest. An area where you don’t have to look over your shoulder every few seconds.
So yes, where you live is fundamental to the kind of lifestyle you can have. Who your neighbors are matters. The absence of ongoing conflict is important. Having a place to unwind, relax, feel comfortable, and feel safe is essential.
Creating a safe inside world starts by experiencing a safe place in the outside world.
For many DID survivors, living with a feeling of safety is a completely new concept. You might have to learn what safety is. The sooner, the better.
True enough, you can’t control the safety of most places in the external world, but your home is your own. It’s your space. You can’t change the craziness of the past, but as an adult, you can do something about now, the here-and-now.
Safety for your whole internal system starts with making good decisions about your immediate worlds. It’s truly important to create your own personal safe places.
Do you live in a safe home?
Do you have good neighbors?
I certainly hope so. If not, what can you do about that?
I wish you all the very best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
and Doris and Morris too
Copyright © 2008-2017 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
I just thought of something……
Maybe I should have titled this:
Doris and Morris, the NAAAAAAAYbors, of Course.
Making a reference to all the naying from Doris, lol.
So silly. 🙂
Kathy
“What are your neighbors like? Are you fortunate enough to have good neighbors?
Have you had some difficult neighbors in the past?
Having good neighbors is important for everyone, of course, but for survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder, having good neighbors is particularly important. DID survivors need to feel safe where they live, and to not feel afraid, angry, or upset or confused by the people that live near them. Most trauma survivors have had far too many years of living near difficult people. ”
Awful. no i don’t. one at least means well most the time. but i live in govt. asst. living for mental illness. and it sucks. my neighbors yeal, curse, scream (says me who finally totally broke down and lost it last night), throw dishes when they’re angry, fight, and drug deal. the walls are thin and i can hear when their dates are over and that is awful. i don’t want to hear that stuff. no, i can’t really get out of it. being on disability, i have very little money, and so housing is limited. when the waitlists ARE open, it takes 3+ years to get a spot. I’ve finally given up trying to get out of here and learning to use my voice and my boundaries to learn to ask for safety.
It wasn’t until I met my current therapist that I actually even began to realise that in this world I COULD feel safe; but it was up to me to change my environment to make it so. Yes that was a massive lesson to learn and led to a LOT of life changes but definitely for the better! Good post Kathy xx
Thank you, Bourbon.
You’ve highlighted a very very key concept in safety — it’s very much up to each person to change / re-arrange their environment to make their own safety happen. That’s a very hard thing to do, and requires all kinds of hard work and new behaviors, but yep, it can be done. Well done, Bourbon.
And good for you to have a therapist that could teach you about safety. It is such a sad thing, in my opinion, when I hear things like this — but it just shows how unsafe you felt as a child, the time when safety should have been a natural, normal experience for you.
Keep up the good work — it sounds like you are walking down a very good path.
Warmly,
Kathy
We dont got good naybers. Are nayberhud dont feel safe. We go for walks here but we dont feel safe. Are in side wrold dont feel safe ether.
We like the pichsers of the horse. There so pretty. They wud be good naybers.
Wotdu saf fellik?:(
Mefoget
Clr
Clr –
What do you imagine how safe would feel to you? What would it look like for you?
I think “safe” looks different for different people – not everyone wants the exact same thing to feel safe.
For me, safe means that there is the assurance that you know that you won’t be hurt by anyone or anything during a specific chunk of time. Obviously, the longer that chunk of time is, the better.
How would you define it for you?
Keep thinking and surround yourself with the things that you like —
Warmly,
Kathy
@Bourbon: I know what you mean.
General: Otherwise, I still don’t live in the best neighborhood. I like this young couple up the street, but there’s an old man with Parkinson’s across the street who I worry about and who I know can be “handsy” and the next door neighbors can’t keep their dogs alive. :/ It’s a small, ghost town-like place, but I’m nervous a lot. I suppose that’s to be expected, though. Small improvements with therapy, but I still endlessly worry. I am going to visit a friend in MS that owns a ranch soon, though, so that will probably be enjoyable. I love me some horses and wide open spaces. 🙂
No plasbesaf:( mifallt
Misaf peplbe gon
I love horses! My mother used to take me to horseback riding lessons and I spent a couple of my summers at horse camps. Those were the best times. Anything my father didn’t approve of that my mother whisked me away for felt like a secret escape for just the two of us.
I don’t really have good neighbors right now. But despite being noisy at times, they keep to themselves, which suits me (us) pretty well. I don’t like having to worry about socializing on others’ schedules. I prefer to socialize when I’m comfortable with it. That’s why I’m coming to really like living alone for the first time.
Thank you for sharing such lovely pictures of such friendly looking naaaybors 🙂