Hello, hello 
The other day, I was part of a conversation asking the question whether the insiders in a dissociative system should be called parts or people.
And now, after recently reading Insomniac’s cute comment to me about that very same topic, I’ve decided to make a quick, informal post about it.
I’m interested in hearing what the rest of you think about this topic.
Of course, the official “politically correct” term is probably parts. Well, maybe it’s still “officially” supposed to be alters, but yuck.
Personally, I really dislike the term alters, and I really don’t use it often – it’s not a comfortable term in my opinion. Nope. It has too many other implications for me, and I just don’t go there very often.
But the word parts – that one I have used many times.
However….
It is true, that when I get to know people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID / MPD), and I get to know their insiders, those inside people become exactly that to me — people.
DID people are people with a lot of people. I don’t see the insiders as “parts” anymore. I see them, experience them, interact with them, relate to them, remember them, refer to them just like they are people in their own right. Real people. Not a part of one someone. A group of individual someones.
For right, or for wrong – that is how it feels for me.
I realize this is probably not at all the expected “mental health professional” stance on describing dissociative systems. It’s not an intellectual approach. This is a statement about what the experience is like for me when I meet you all.
So yes, to me, insiders are like people.
They are people that share a body, but they are people, many of whom are easily recognized as their own person within the group of people.
Inside people very much have their own voice.
They have their own presentation, their own thoughts, beliefs, memories, feelings, body sensations, facial gestures, perceptions, clothing, jobs, etc etc.
Each insider can potentially make the same body look very different — that’s so fascinating to me!
They have their own eyes, their own way of sitting, their own way of walking. They have their own way of speaking and their own way of writing.
Insiders become their own selves.
And in a way that they are not parts of any one someone, but more like they are important members of a group.
Groups are one, but the groups are filled full of lots of different individuals. Each of these individuals will have their own unique reason for being part of the group, and the whole of the group is completely flavored by the individuals that belong to it.
It is amazing to me that there are such differences between the people in a dissociative system. I realize that many of these differences are probably related to the differing demands being placed on the person as a whole at the time of creating each specific new insider, including some not-so-happy reasons to need to be somebody else.
However, the basic ability to become somebody else (even to pretend to be somebody else) has got to be an incredible talent in itself. I know I can’t do that very well (and yes, I have tried, funny enough. I guess that’s why I’m not a Hollywood actress, lol.)
My hat is off to dissociative people who have created and developed highly sophisticated life skills at being different people.
It’s a rather awesome ability, if you ask me.
Three cheers for all of y’all with DID !!
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
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yeah I’d say we are mostly people, but we do have some fractured parts that I don’t know what else to call them. They don’t “have a body” but take up the eyes, can write, and sometimes talk. But the main “players” in my system are definately people. They have their own likes, dislikes, they argue with each other and me, they have separate ages, clothings, ways of being, and different looks. They backseat drive. It is hard to look in the mirror sometimes because I see THEM. I may be thinking from my side of the brain, but see someone much younger looking back at me. I can get stuck in mirrors because the ‘parts’ or people can see themselves and it reitterates that they are real. They take great time looking at themselves, seeing how different reactions look. We can get lost for hours at a time. Not being vain – but SEEING ourselves. My new therapist sees us too. It is really different and new for us. She knows 10 from 8 from me. She’s met 11 and the little 3. We all have different reactions to what she says an how we process trauma.
Thanks Kathy,
Kiyacat
Hi Kiyacat,
That’s a very good point. Some of the insiders are much more developed like people with fuller lives, than others from inside. I’ve certainly seen that to be true asw ell.
It sounds to me like you are doing some great work, and I’m really pleased to hear that you and your therapist are able to see your different selves. That’s excellent news. Well done!
Keep up the good work!
Warmly,
Kathy
I tend to just refer to my insiders as that, insiders. When I was in therapy for DID, I had a huge falling out with my therapist about the use of the term “parts,” which I very much objected to. I see us all like one big jigsaw puzzle, and if each of my insiders is going to be referred to as a “part” of that puzzle, then I, too, should be referred to as a “part.” He disagreed, and saw those inside as separate in some way, and refused to refer to me as an equal part in the whole. So,while I may refer to someone inside as my “name”-part, to someone who is unfamiliar with us, I generally refer to those inside as insiders when talking about them to people who are familiar with us.
I, unfortunately, don’t have a lot of respect for any therapist who insists on things being one way or another. They are, after all, following one basic idea about MPD/DID that hasn’t changed in years and are not listening to the way things -are- with their clients.
Hi Diane,
I like what you wrote. Thanks for your comment.
If you’ve been to my original website, AbuseConsultants.com, you’ll see that I very much agree with the puzzle metaphor. To me, DID is like a complicated, multi-dimensional puzzle, full of life, pain, joy, and surprises.
And, yes, there is very much no one way to view this. I do think that every person has their own view of how things are for them. What works for one person may not fit at all — not even in the slightest — for another person. So yes… therapists can’t say / shouldn’t say they have the ONE answer.
For goodness sakes… if there is ONE answer to the complications of DID, somebody please tell me quickly what it is. After all these years, I don’t know it!
Kathy
I call them my “little’s” Thank you all so much for this article and comments. ✌💜
I never use any dehumanizing language even when I refer to their “group” or “network.” When the little girls read the literature out there, that says insiders aren’t real or they are only parts of the host, etc. they have repeatedly begged me to reaffirm that they are “real little girls.” The line I have taken with them is “you are real but incomplete without the other girls.”
Hi Sam 🙂
And I have to ask…. does that line feel soothing to your wife and the girls? I am assuming so, but can you say a little more about how they feel about that?
Thanks — and much appreciation for the comment. 🙂
Kathy
I disagree as one with DID these are all Parts of me. They are not people. They have the emotions, behaviors, etc. that I was not equipped to deal with at the time of my abuse, but these are really my emotions that were never able to develop. Without my mind and body they would not exist. They are an intregal part of me but they are not people. Many have limited functions and abilities. I am not a circus act and I don’t have 20+ people running around in my head. These are parts of self, which self? Me, the host. As I heal they are giving me insight and showing me the skills that I am missing. So now we are copresent together (my term), I don’t ever want to take their new jobs or an old job if it is still appropriate for me and them so we now do them together. I don’t like it when DID is sensationalized and made to be something that it is not. It was a blessing of a coping skill that was given to me.
Woundgal
Hi Woundgal,
Thanks for your comment, (I don’t know why it didn’t work the first time, but thank you for your persistence), and of course, I agree with so very much of what you are saying. The “correct answer” is that the insiders are not distinct and separate people – I know that, and I’m not confused by the limitations of reality.
This topic may be one where “emotional truth” may lead to a different answer than other levels of reality. ???? Just a thought…
Interesting comment tho’ — thanks for writing.
Kathy
Hi Kathy,
to be truthful, no the girls don’t actually find that totally soothing because at this point in their healing they each see herself as “completely” real. They love that I treat each one as a real person. But they still struggle with the reality that they truly do need each other. From their standpoint they’ve never had all the personality skills that a non-dissociated person does, so they don’t understand what they are lacking or that those skills and traits can be found in the other girls. So I don’t push them to come to that conclusion. I just treat each one like the Golden Rule says and figure the realization that they need each other will come with more healing.
Sam
Reblogged this on Being Emily living plural.
Whilst it is somewhat comforting when my current therapist really does treat us all as separate people I also wonder if this is therapeutically the most effective way to do things. Though, she justifies, that before you can know yourself as an integrated singleton, you need to know yourselves as a DID system. Every single member of that system needs to be given the chance to get to know themselves and each other. Yes we are all “people” but people with the knowledge that we hope to become a “person”.
Bourbon.
Fuck i hate that word. Parts. Parts of what! A fucking car? We are PEOPLE. i am not lile the others. They are people too. We are not parts of each other. We dont look anything alike or act alike or sound alike. Fucking thank god for that.
Oh hell forget it. I am nothing like the little kids. We are people. Oh forget it. You dont have to publish this comment. Just erase it. I am sick Of everyone inside. I wish they would just go away. Missy
This post made my heart grow three times in size. <333 Which is to say: I liked it C:
The people/parts/alters/self-states debate really makes me upset. It changes so often and nothing seems universal. I am in the United States and it varies from one therapist and hospital to another.
I find it offensive when I am told that having DID is a coping skill that kept me alive. Living this way does not feel like something to be positively embraced. I was diagnosed 20 years ago but only started trauma/DID therapy just over one year ago. Most of the time I find it hard to want to stay alive, am constantly alone, self-injurious, sad, and depressed because of PTSD and the havoc wreaked in my life by dissociation.
I denied for a very long time that what was going on in my head was real. The “people” (or insiders as I call them) made me debilitated as a result of refusing to acknowledge them. Now, I am learning to process what they truly are and have not reached a definitive decision. Kathy, it has been interesting to read your post regarding this subject. I just found your blog today!
What happens when there is confusion with no answers? What happens when there is a wound.. Or abandonment issue that arose and there is confusion whether DID is real.. Whether the insiders are real.. Or people.. Or not?
What happens when you don’t know what to do anymore.. Stay with a therapist who sais not to bring the others into therapy.. But .. And the whole abandonment thing has you shackled and you don’t want to leave?
What happens when you are just LOST and wondering.. Did “they” ever really exist.. Or am I mad.. Crazy.. Or just a plain liar?
I refer to them as `parts`. I am a `part`….and all these parts make up me. I am really ashamed of this, though. That I was too weak to *survive*without dissociating. I am a broken up mess that`s been broken up too many times to be fixed together.
Hi 80elle,
Thanks for your comment.
I do hope that you will talk about your feelings of shame with your therapist. There’s a lot of depth and importance there in what you are feeling, and that shame will affect your healing and your relationship with your insiders.
In my opinion, there is nothing at all shameful about dissociating — it’s an incredibly creative way to handle extreme situations. I think the shameful part belongs to whoever adults that were putting you into such horrible situations that such extreme measures were required to survive them.
Have you seen the blog article written here about The Benefits of
Being Multiple? I’d like to refer you to that. There are a lot of interesting comments on that article – it’s clearly a controversial topic. Not everyone agrees with me.
Anyway… in my opinion, the sooner you can find a way to become friends and partners with your insiders, the sooner you will feel more inner peace. They are still connected to the very depths of you, and the All of You were clearly strong enough to survive some very difficult ordeals. That can become something to be proud of.
So… yep, I hope you continue to work thru’ these kinds of things in your therapy. I wish you the very best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Keep thinking that the reason there is so much discontent with outsiders is the others. Keep getting left out. Keep feeling disconnected. Keep wanting to hang up all the hats and say.. What’s worth it? Don’t even get answers where ever we write.. And miserable.
I was 80elle.
Thank you Kathy. Yes, in therapy we do speak about shame a lot. My T keeps telling me I shouldn`t feel ashamed. But I do. It is so entrenched, the shame.I`m ashamed of the shame. I feel like if I`d been stronger, I wouldn`t have needed to dissociate therefore wouldn`t be so messed up, now. The `right things to say` regarding dissociation sound so, so right. That`s not my reality, though.
We be pepol!! That be mene to call pepol just parts. That dont be nice at all. We dont like it when pepol say PARTS or ALTERS. We be real. We be rigt here. We be are own pepol we got are own thots and things we like and we do difrent stuff.
When talking to most non-dissociative people, I call my other selves “alters,” and sometimes “parts.” They have a hard time understanding the other terms, like “people,” “others,” etc. I think it gives them a brain freeze, or something. But they can understand the term “alter” or “part.” So, idk… I guess I’ll still use the word “alter” or “part” when trying to explain to non-dissociative people, even tho not many around here really agree with those terms. When I use those terms, a lot of my other selves don’t like it! They turn it right back around on me and call ME an alter or part! Which I don’t like! lol But I see the logic behind it, because if THEY are an alter or part, then I am, too. I just happen to be the “front alter” most of the time. So… idk, it’s confusing sometimes. Most of the littles, tho, don’t care one way or the other, as long as they get candy or toys to play with. lol
It’s hard, tho, in talking to non-dissociative people, to call my other selves anything BUT an alter or part, because they just seem to understand that more. And I think it really is an emotional difference on the inside of me that has an aversion to being a “part” or an “alter,” even though I still think that is the best way to describe the fragmentation of myself.
When talking with my dissociative friends, though, or my husband (who is non-dissociative), I use my other selves’ names when I refer to them, because that’s their name! There are those, tho, who don’t have names that I’m aware of, so I generally refer to them as a part of such-and-such system. For example, “A little from the “J” system.” Or, “Someone from The Grid.” If I don’t know which system they belong to, it’s probably because I don’t interact with them much or am less aware of what role they have played in my life, so I’m less likely to talk about them anyways. I hope that doesn’t sound mean… :\ There’s just lots and lots in here. I can’t possibly have personal interaction with every single part of me. It’s too much.
People. Always.
Mainstream society needs to broaden its definition of “person.” A “person” is not a body or a legal document. A “person” is a being “with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to and thinking about the environment and self.” This doesn’t require legal or external standing.
Our system’s views may be influenced by the fact that we have no “host” or “original” and that we see the body as a container, vehicle, and dwelling rather than a “person.” But even if none of that were true, we’d still respect the dignity and selfhood of everyone within.
Yep! People! That’s who we are! All kinds of different people, all in community. Even the birth person is a people. 😊😞😀😬😂😃😌🙃🙄🤓😜🙂😋😏😫🙁😶🤔😢😤😰
All kinds of people. And mostly, we are good with that.
Thank you for this. Referring to insiders as people is scary, because accepting more and more how many we are, but I dont like alters, and parts – well, that doesnt do some of the more fully developed of us justice.
I say aspects of self. when talking to other people so it hopefully is a bit more understandable.
to me it feels like what kiyacat said. fractured parts that can take up the eyes, write and sometimes talk.
only one or two feels like distinct people but even then for me and my/our experience I’m not sure.