Hello hello –
How are you today?
It is close to Easter, and I wanted to come and say a quick hello to you all.
Easter can be a fun time full of good memories for people who have not been abused in ritualistic cults. People who have an RA history might not be feeling so wonderful right about now.
Do you have any scared child parts right now? Do you relate to that big picture up there?
Is your system feeling a little shaky with the full moon out there?
Does Easter feel scary or upsetting, and not happy or joyous for you?
I am aware that this is a very difficult weekend for many of you. “Happy Easter” is more of an oxymoron than a reality for all too many of you.
For those of you that relate to these difficulties, I want you to know that I am thinking of you, and remembering that you are having struggles. And flashbacks. And body memories. And fights against worlds full of darkness, experiencing that conflict from both inside and out.
It might be Spring out there … but you might be feeling more blackness around you than the beauty of new Spring flowers.
Please remember:
No matter what you’ve seen or done in your prior years of life, you don’t have to belong to or stay stuck in any of the dark worlds that you were shown or taken to by those who, at that time, had more power or authority than you.
This includes those of you that have been more familiar with worlds of darkness, and have always believed that you belonged there, and only there.
Even if that has been true for years of time, that does not have to stay true.
You don’t have to stay connected to worlds of darkness.
You can decide to do something different with your life.
They didn’t (and won’t) tell you that you can do something different with your life, but you can. Even if they tell you that you can’t, that is not true.
You actually can.
Your life belongs to you, and only to you, and you can make decisions different from anything anyone else plans for you.
This time of year can be a time of new beginnings for you.
Easter, to me, is full of new beginnings. Here in the USA, it is Spring – a time for new blossoms, new buds, new leaves, new grass, and baby animals are everywhere.
I know that it takes a whole lot of courage to do completely different things with your life, but doing something new can be the beginning of freedom. It can be something beautiful, and it can be something of your own making.
It can be hard to change your life, but it can be wonderful and very much worth the effort it takes.
Instead of feeling trapped and weighed down by darkness, your life can be something you are happy about. You can be genuinely content and happy with the places you are going in your life. You can feel proud and pleased with your life.
If you are willing to do what it takes to make such big changes. Change can be scary, but you can do it. I know you can. Believe in yourself, and know that you are worth the effort.
So I wish you all a Happy Easter today.
If it’s not a Happy Easter just yet, have hope that one day, you too can have a happy day.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
As survivors of RA, Easter is our hardest holiday to get through as there was so much abuse associated with this time if year as well as the religious aspects and true meaning behind the holiday that were twisted by the men who abused us. Until we saw your post, this year we didn’t think about the bad things that we so much associate with this time if year. Seeing your post made us realize how far we have come, that early April and Easter are no longer the huge triggers they gave been in the past.
My littles are very excited because today we dyed eggs (we tried doing the egg-shell cracking technique to dye the egg whites that you posted in another article) and will turn them into deviled eggs to eat tomorrow. I also bought some chocolate and some Peeps for my littles, but won’t let them eat it until tomorrow (Sunday). Since we won’t be hiding the eggs, candy, etc., (My littles peek! And our cats would eat them–the last thing we need is sick cats!), I let them put their candy into an Easter basket with a stuffed rabbit toy, some flowers, and plastic eggs. I am hoping it will be a good Easter for everyone inside.
So far Easter isn’t the horrid thing it has been, but it is hard to get through some things. It is like we are numb inside now, but we are hoping to turn this holiday into one of faith in Christ and the joy it brings. For now, I’m trying to make this time fun for the younger insiders while helping my older insiders access our spirituality.
I keep telling my insiders that we are like a partially extinguished campfire: the men who abused us tried to extinguish the spiritual light within us, they tried to kill any goodness or life within us… but some embers survived and with the proper tinder, oxygen, and care, we can once more be a bright campfire. It’s easier said than done, but we are hoping that it will happen some day. At least the sparks are catching in the tinder. We are going to survive everything in spite of what they did to us.
Caro at al
Hello Caro et al,
WOW … I cannot imagine what you have been through. What a great plan you have set out for yourselves to get through the day. I have a whole different kind of negative around organized religion. But, I do have faith. I so love your campfire analogy. So fits what we have all been through on so many different levels.
I have been exploring different kinds of meditation to fan the embers of my spiritual self. We can all recapture that part of our essence without adhering to the structures of our abusive past. Words like “Easter” are just symbols of an artificial manmade structure that has nothing really to do with faith and spirituality. We were robbed of so much when we were young. We cannot let the thieves of innocence steal our souls as well.
ME+WE
04/01/2014
Easter is our hardest holiday too.
This year, I decided not to celebrate Easter. Some of my worst holiday memories are tied to Easter and Easter baskets and egg hunts – so this year, I decided there would be no Easter for us.
We are not Christian anymore and the holiday itself holds no special value for us. So I decided, I will celebrate MY way. I made it a special day by doing things all parts of me enjoy.
We slept late. Ate a good breakfast. Talked with my son. Took a nap. Went for a hike. Baked some zucchini bread. Fed the birds. Took pictures of the crocuses. Watched the loons on the lake. Played with the cat. Listened to music we love.
Tonight we get to watch a hockey game. And we all love hockey! 🙂
It has been a wonderful relief to celebrate without doing anything Easter related.
It is actually much calmer inside than I thought it would be.
I like that I finally reclaimed the holiday for me and my insiders and made it something we could enjoy.
Hi Neo,
Good for you for taking back the day. This is like the “Take Back the Night” marches that women have participated in for some decades to take back our lives, safety and freedom from assault. Well, we need a “Take Back the Holidays” movement here to make these calendar dates our own – no past, no trauma memories, no fears or worries, no darkness – just a day on the calendar that belongs to us in any way that we want it to be. These artificial calendar dates that others used to torment us do not have to have any meaning or power any more. Maybe it should just be “Take Back Lives” because we deserve to be free of the horrors of our past each and every day of our lives so that we can live the wondrous possibilities of our now.
ME+WE
04/02/2014
when is this gonna be over. its getting dark again i hat the dark i start seeing stuff. bad days bad
we got to hold on
everything hurts
I broke down and texted my old T. This weekend sucks! I want ti over. I feel sick. He wont write back. I dont think. and i am bad for doing it in the first place. we dont have a new t or anyone else in the entire world. and its this weekend. we haven’t seen him since the day after halloween. so now its been halloween, thanksgiving, christmas, b’s birthday, a solstice, a equinox and easter. everything. sucks. i want to die
Hi Kennedy,
Hang on dear friend. This will be over soon. I am holding up a little light for you to see and find your way out of the darkness. My little one Squirrel, her favourite song is “This Little Light of Mine.” She sings it all of the time when she is feeling the darkness closing in. She is singing it for you now. I hope that you can hear it. Part of it goes like this:
[Verse 3]
Out there in the dark
I’m gonna let it shine
Out there in the dark
I’m gonna let it shine
Out there in the dark
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine!
[Chorus]
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine!
Shining your way Kennedy.
Hugs (if you want them),
ME+WE
03/31/2018
That’s so sweet ME+WE. ty
Shout out to Squirrel! 🐿️ 🐿️ 👋 🐿️ 🐿️
Thanks Squirrel! We love Squirrels. We watch them play outside in the trees. They live with birds. All kinds of birds.
Hey, where’s T.Clark. He likes birds and squirrels and bears and all animals.
Shout out to T.Clark and all his people 🐻 🐱 🐕 🐯 🐭 🦅 🐸 🐢 🐳 🐋 🐬
💗
Uh Oh, Kathy,
We just figured out a way to say our names without really saying our names, especially since there’s more than one talking. Look look look. Yay.
Lolz about Australia. Is tomorrow here yet?
Hi Kennedy,
It sounds like you’re having lots of memories — that’s really not fun.
New days are on the way…. I know, because down here in Australia, I’m hours ahead of you, and I know a new day comes. 🙂
I’m sorry you and your people were hurt so much, and that’s made for such hard times right now. If you have new bits and pieces of memory stuff to share with each other, that’s hard to sit with, but sometimes important, because your inside folks need to tell you how they were hurt. And you’ll need to show them that they can be safe in the now. They need to know that “then” is very different from now. That will help a lot, and give them some hope. Draw. Write. Take to yourselves out loud. Do things to help process the trauma that you are remembering.
If you need a break from looking at the memories, be sure to help your inside people find your outside eyes, and try to look out to the place where you live, the house-place of 2018. Sometimes the memories replay over and over deep on the inside, and if you are looking more inwards than outwards, you might not get a break from that.
And do your best to comfort those who are hurting. Remember the simple things… cups of tea, something that smells good, something that feels soft and warm.
Hopefully soon, your wounds will get more healing, and your heart, your mind, your body, and your selves will feel better soon.
Sending safe gentle hugs your way,
Kathy
Kathy,
I walked us around the room several times today. Looking and describing each piece of furniture, all the different books and plants and things we picked up here and there. I kept sliding back and forth, kinda in and out, but we got all the way around the room and felt more out here. We’ve been replaying a lot of past stuff and sometimes getting caught there. Forgetting here. Not that I don’t know where my body is. I whisper-talked out loud. I don’t like getting much louder cuz it rattles my ears and scares me. And for some reason it makes me dizzy. I dont like outside voices. Too loud. Easter sucks. The two weeks before Easter sucks too. I’m glad its over and I can sleep and forget. It happens all the time. I think that’s good. We dont forget everything but we cant remember it all. It will come up again next year and we will deal with it again. In the meantime maybe we can catch a break and try outside things for a while. Thank you for responding to us, and thanks for being here. It means everything to me. -B
i dn lic estr
bd ppl
btr tu hid
dnt tok
I’m sorry nbde.
Easter will be over in a couple days. Sometimes hiding is best until its over. I hope you have inside friends who can be with you away from out here. And, I hope all of you stay safe.
i can be safe in the spring
i dint use to
now i be safe
That’s good to hear, Mae.
I’m glad to see that you can tell the difference between NOW and then.
Because yes, it is very possible to be safe NOW.
Now can be very very different from then.
It’s really good that you can feel safe.
Smiles,
Kathy
Da onli gud fing bowt dis week iz r peech trees gots lotsa flowrs now an hop dey hav lotsa peechs sun. An r lilic flowrs r opin up now to. Dey smel reli pritee.
Hi kids from mycircleoflife,
Thanks for writing here. I think peach blossoms are so pretty, and lilac flowers have just the best smell ever!! Good smells and pretty things are nice to hold on too. I think nature has some of the best stuff ever! Thank you for sharing the good stuff you can see.
Warmly,
Kathy
that picshre of the girl behind the tree look like 1 of us namd claire
Yeah, this is such a hard HARD time, worse for us than any other in the year 🙁 I wish to know what its like for those not from SRA background? Whats easter like? We luv all ur pics, they’re so pretty!
“Are you gone home now? Back to the cold ‘memica? (america). We lub lub seeing the bunnies everywhere here and 1 day we hope to get one of those grass covered ones. We made an easter basket for the easter bunny this year its like a birds nest made out of coloured papers. We hope he likes it. I hope the easter bunny finds you and brings your something nice that you like. ” – B. 3 yrs old
Thanks for making this post, i feel for others who struggle with the times of the year, the cold weather coming lately has been bringing up lots of stuff and timewarp types of things for us, severe flashbacks i guess? Kids switch out and 100% think its back then time and react accordingly. Some good some bad. On top of that we’ve had some extreme stressors involving local law enforcement lately and our stress has been off the charts. I think its time to do some self caring and try to take some time out for us and hubby. Hope you’re well. Nice to hear from you again. Astrries
Reblogged this on Discussing Dissociation and commented:
Hello Everyone,
It’s soon to be Easter weekend, one of the most difficult weekends for many dissociative trauma survivors. Please know that I am thinking of you. There are several Easter-related articles on this blog…. Please use the search feature to search through the years to find the different articles written specifically for a time like this.
Make preparations and plans ahead of time that will help you get through this week as easily as possible. You can make this the safest and calmest Easter weekend you’ve ever had. What do you need to do now to make it easier for you and your insiders in a few days from now?
I hope to write more soon.
I wish the best for you all.
Warmly,
Kathy
Thanks Kathy and Happy Easter to you also.
Interestingly enough, I always forget that I had a hard time at Easter. It doesn’t even dawn on me why I don’t look forward to it. This year I ended up in the psych ward for it (just got out yesterday) and only your post here put two and two together for me. The darkness in my mind is so blocked away from my consciousness that I never saw it coming – at least the people on the phone did and took action.
Kiyacat
Hi Kiyacat –
I’m glad you are feeling safer within yourself. In my opinion, hospitals are not fun, and the sooner you can be out of there, the better! But yes, it is good that there were those around to help when you were struggling. That’s a good thing.
I’m pleased to hear that this post helped to make some internal connections for you. That’s excellent – and that’s important as well. Gaining insight and understanding to the parts of you that have been blocked from your awareness will very much lead to stronger connections and understanding with them. Those dark sides are important too… so keep up the good work. I’m willing to bet those sides of your system have been more helpful than you realized they were. They may hide the “goodness” that’s inside them, but I bet if you look closely enough, you’ll find it.
Keep up the good work, and stay safe!
Kathy
thank you