Well…. it’s December 21st in the northern hemisphere. Making today the Winter Solstice.
In the southern hemisphere, like in Australia, this is the Summer Solstice.
I originally wrote this article when I lived in Dallas. The weather in Dallas was nearly 80 degrees Fahrenheit that day, making for a very warm day even though it is considered to be the official first day of winter. It’s the Winter Solstice and on top of that. Some years (including the original year of this article!) there has also been a lunar eclipse. Did anyone see that? If you can actually enjoy the moon, it was pretty cool to see.
However, late last night while I was standing alone outside, quietly looking at the moon, I could appreciate the beauty with my eyes, but my heart was feeling a sadness and heaviness for the other things that were happening in other parts of the world. While a full and brilliantly bright moon can be beautiful for my eyes, I know that it is a scary trigger for a lot of dissociative survivors who have been traumatized with ritual abuse.
Winter Solstice represents a day of darkness that is full of trauma for too many dissociative trauma survivors. The night was far too scary, far too difficult, far too dark, far too long.
Many of you know what I am speaking of and I don’t have to go into the gory details for you to know the pain and anguish you have probably already been feeling all day.
If this kind of history applies to you, I am sorry that you had to experience such horrible atrocities in your lifetime. I can promise you it was not right nor good nor okay that you were required to participate in such darkness.
I wish the world was not so dark.
I wish that evil didn’t have such a hold on so many people.
I wish that kindness and gentleness could win all wars.
I wish those creeps that enjoy inflicting pain would inflict it on themselves, and leave the rest of us alone.
I wish it was just an ordinary night for you, and not a night of darkness.
I am sorry that you were hurt.
I wish they had never ever showed you any of their darkness.
I hope that you find freedom, safety and a lifetime of distance from their darkness.
I am so very sorry that you are hurting.
I am so very sorry that they were terrible to you.
There really is healing from such horrible abuse — for you, and for everyone in your system — but it also means finding your way out and away from such abusive groups. It means separating from those who hurt you and building a life that is not devoted to darkness.
There is hope for you!
There are kind and helpful people in the world — I promise you so. Not everyone understand dissociative issues, or ritual abuse nightmares, but some of us do.
I realize that there are so few resources for dissociative survivors who truly want to find freedom, safety, peacefulness, kindness, and understanding.
This year, I’m pleased to say there is a new resource available for you. If you need a little extra support and want to be in a group who has kind and gentle and helpful motivations to be in your life, consider joining the Discussing Dissociation Community Forum.
This forum has been specially made for DID survivors, and we are here to help — not to hurt.
You’ve already been hurt far far far too many times…. It would be good if you were able to find places of safety and healing.
So on the darkest days like the Winter Solstice, or on the lonely days of Christmas holidays, or when your therapist is away and you are struggling by yourself and dealing with difficult parts of your system, there is a place you can go for support and helpful community.
Discussing Dissociation Community Forum
Please be careful when your nighttime parts are out. Show them that they do not have to be hurt in the night anymore.
I wish you the very best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
We are hoping this year it will go better with this. Usually it is hard. But mae handled the time change so much better this year. We are doing pretty good so far about it getting dark early. We are proud of her. She knows the trees have to take their naps and so do the animals. She even said there isnt more to be afraid of just because it be dark earlier. So for her that is very very good. She even told that man the other day that if he wants to go for walks after supper it would be ok and that she will be brave.
So we will hopefully do better this year with it.
(I wish some parts weren’t afraid of the dark) It can be scary when you are enjoying the dark, seeking refuge in it, and then you switch to a terrified part. The switch becomes part of the fear, not just the dark.
(I wish people could get their needs met in healthier ways)
(I wish there were no wars) The inside wars last so long
(I wish people could get their needs met in healthier ways)
(For the first time, we embraced holiday lights as a means to offset the extended darkness) We tried a candle, and the flickering flame made all of us uncomfortable. Some were scared of the shifting shadows and some felt nauseated by the rocking world of tilted light and shadow.
(Thank you)
(I wish people could get their needs met in healthier ways)
(We hope we can accept, soften, live gently someday) Trying is hard. One T says the resources are always inside once learned. Another T said “home” was a place that was always in your heart wherever you were. We might be slipping into a new place that’s not as safe. We found out we still have magic. Ravens still love us. And we met Boreal Chickadee and Northern Goshawk this week. If we can stay connected to bird magic, to bear magic, to wolf magic, to tree magic, we might find reasons. It’s hard to live because of other people. And that is a reason. It is a circumstance to be accepted, maybe embraced. If you don’t have someone, you can have us.
Hi. I’m Nicole, one of the teens with MyCircleOfLife.
I don’t remember anything specific happening to me on or around winter solstice, but some of our younger kids do. They haven’t told me anything about what happened to them, but I have been feeling their fear and confusion the last few days. I guess it’s because I help our other grown-up, Helper, take care of them and make sure they are safe while “Reba”, our main outside adult, works and takes care of other outside responsibilities.
The main things that I have found that help the ones who are scared right now are to keep all the lights on in our home, having quiet, peaceful music playing in the background, and getting them involved with fun, safe activities inside (and outside our body when we are at home). The ones who like to draw and color get to do that. The ones who like to read get to do that. The ones who like to play with toys get to do that. And I have been reading happy stories to the ones who want someone to read to them. Each one also has a special toy or blanket to cuddle with.
We show the kids as many times as they need that all the doors and windows are locked, and that no one is in our home except us. They each have a flashlight they can use to shine in all the closets and cupboards and under the bed to see that nothing is there that can hurt them. It is helping them to be calmer.
We are also making sure that all of us eat safe, healthy foods and have safe, clean water and juice to drink. And the kids get to choose a special treat to eat after we eat a healthy meal.
I hope that some of these ideas will be helpful for our DID friends here. It takes as much time as it takes for healing, but things do get better, little by little. Never give up!! Always hold on to hope!! The light is always stronger than the darkness! When light is shined into darkness, it’s not dark in that space any more. So keep shining light into the darkness and healing whatever needs to be healed to make all areas of your inside filled with light!
Hello Nicole,
You are such a wise and caring soul. You must be a great help to “Reba” and all of the MyCircleOfLife folks. You have such a positive and compassionate outlook on life. Thank you for sharing all of your wonderful ideas here. I really love the idea of getting flashlights for my little ones. The darkness is a big issue for them so flashlights would be great. I especially love what you said here:
“The light is always stronger than the darkness! When light is shined into darkness, it’s not dark in that space any more. So keep shining light into the darkness and healing whatever needs to be healed to make all areas of your inside filled with light!”
So beautifully said!
Thank you so much for sharing here Nicole!
ME+WE
12/24/18
Hi Me+We 😊
Thank you for your kind words. I am glad that I was able to help some.
Flashlights for everyone inside is great! Even if they are only the small key-chain flashlights (which are the perfect size for the little hands of the littlest children). We have “inside” flashlights, as we as lots of different sizes of “outside” flashlights all around our house. We found some fun ones that are shaped like animals like hippos and lions and elephants. We also found some that are solar powered that we put in a sunny window during the day so we don’t have to keep buying so many batteries. The kids love being able to carry their flashlights with them whenever they want to. It really does help them to feel safer.
Nicole
It didn’t even register with me that yesterday was the 21st…..or the solstice……just knew that as I worked and the day got later I got more and more depressed, agitated, and somewhere Inside wanting to fall to the floor and cry – but I couldn’t ….so agitated that when I got home at midnight, I just sat in a chair in the living room the rest of the night – unable to focus on anything…..exhausted from work but too agitated and struggling to try to sleep….
Coincidence? Or – maybe a puzzle piece….who knows????
I’m sort of ok now, but last night I could feel it happening to others. I couldn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t do anything, no-one knew.
not a good day here either. Winter brings really dark things and bad memories.
Hello Kathy
This is the first time I have seen it read the article . Thank you for think of. This might help me feel ok talking with my therapist today. As you already know she very good at her job. And has A big heart. I just don’t want anybody Else carry my abuse in their soul. It’s intense. The only people that couldn’t stand the extent of it are the people that did it. I didn’t see any other humans not been affected by what happened to this body.
there dont be no ligt on this day
it feel like decembre 21 drowns us
this year it be a harder day
a werse sad day
and we be fel invisabol
Hello nobody
On this day December 21 this body will be staying in except for going to therapy. It’s a trigger day. We don’t need any help from the outside environment . A sent, noise and or visual could send us in a tail spin.
is bad
thedark is so bad
tras kds cant tel
🙁
is a secrt
not saf
im sre i rit agn i no tok 🙁
Hello dear ¬––––,
I am not sure if you can read but maybe if someone is writing for you they can read this to you as well. I am so sorry that you are afraid of the dark. It can be really scary I know. I am afraid of the dark too. I hope that you have a light or maybe a favorite stuffed animal or blanket or pillow to hold. That can help.
Maybe there is someone safe that you can tell your secrets to. Maybe the big people in your inside world? Maybe some safe big people in your outside world? Maybe you can write your secrets and give it to a safe person. My little people have shown me their secrets by acting them out and using a stuffed dog in my therapist lady’s office to show her what bad people did to hurt them.
I hope that you keep coming here ––––. There is light here. This is a safe place.
Your friend,
ME+WE
12/05/2017
Hello Kathy,
Thank you for remembering. As my “name” might suggest, I remember also. The further away in time and space that I get from what once was my life, the more I am able to enjoy the season as it was meant to be.
To all of those suffering now… it can and will get better as you work toward healing. I never used to believe that, but it is true. Move toward all that is light, and it will surround you and protect you from the darkness that follows.
Peace to all,
Winter’s Keeper
yesterday and last night was such a hard day with all so much bad on 1 day and we are so glad its over with. now we just have to figure out how to get over all the hard stuff from yesterday but at least its over so thats the good part
being and australian during that event and it being a summer solstice wasnt much fun either here, thats for sure.
🙁
allofus
That was a nice post Kathy. I know what you mean about them showing us their darkness. I believe I saw the gates of hell in my mother’s eyes. I am able to describe that now…I wasn’t before. The holidays are hard for me. I think mostly because of the added stress…with DID I think I am already functioning at max stress in normal day to day life just to maintain some sense of balance. I am ok with day to day stressors too. But then something like Christmas is huge and in your face all the time and it just puts the last straw on. Then the memories just confuse it all again. I fight hard to hang onto the good in my life…sometimes I can’t and I feel like I’m sinking and no one can help me.
The darkness is scary because things can be done and hidden from sight that would be seen during daylight. Also…darkness is unpredictable because you can’t see everything either. Things can happen at night while others are asleep and unavailable to create a presence that would stop the evil. I haven’t learned how to live with this all yet but I am working on it in therapy. My childlike parts are becoming more prevelant as time goes by. My anger and frustration for the suffering I went through as a child is becoming stronger too. Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness become the end result. It is definately overwhelming at times.
Well the darkest day of the year is over now and little by little the days will get longer again. I like that. I also like the sight of the fresh fallen snow and watching the snow fall. It is cleansing and pure. Speaking of that how are the pups doing?
Merry Christmas to you and everyone in blogworld!!
Thank you Ms. Kathy 🙂 Our body person does not know it is scary or why but she knowd that everybody was bouncy and she only gotto be up front for a couple of hours. Our body person does not feel good either but nobody knows why 🙁 We do not like this time of year we want Christmas and new years to be over.
Brittany