You probably thought I was going to talk about kids, or children, or babies.
And I might.
But first, what about newborn puppies?
This post is partly for fun — because you know I just can’t resist sharing more pictures of my puppies !
But to be fair, I do have a few thoughts related to trauma issues when I look at these pictures. I am starting to think that I might just have to make a “puppy series”. 🙂
First, let’s do the fun part.
The fun part is when I get to show you all another puppy picture.
This particular picture is picture of the two oldest puppies sleeping peacefully when they were just a few days old.
The little black puppy is a boy, and he is the oldest. We’ve been calling him Dolce (taken from the incredible cologne Dolce & Gabbana). The brown puppy is a girl – you can, of course, tell that she is a girl by her pretty pink toenails — and she was born second. She has a little white diamond shape on her tummy, so we have been calling her Diamond. Plus, there are a number of different perfumes with the word Diamond in the name.
You know how puppies smell so good? We’ve joked about naming each puppy after a cologne or perfume. Maybe having nice-smelling names will help the puppies to not make the house so stinky as they get older!
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Aren’t they just adorable?!
Mind you, both of these puppies are considerably bigger this week than they were last week, so I will have to get updated pictures soon. But for now, I wanted to show these pictures to you and make a few comments that are actually related to trauma issues.
What do you think when you see little teeny tiny babies?
Baby puppies or baby kittens, or even baby people are truly amazing to me. When you look at the tiny perfectly formed selves – they are so very little — but everything is there. The purity, the innocence, the newness of life is just so prevalent. These little puppies are alive and well, comfortably sleeping, but completely trusting of and relying upon those around them.
Do you see how sweet and vulnerable these little ones are?
Now, put yourself in the same place that these little puppies are.
At one point in time, you were born with as much purity and innocence and newness of life as these puppies were. So many dissociative trauma survivors believe they were born bad. I have heard dozens and dozens of trauma survivors with dissociative identity disorder make comments such as “I am bad” or “I was born bad” or “I have always been bad”.
But how can this possibly be true?
How can this be true for any of you?
Have another look at the innocence of the newly born. When you see the truly young, you can see how genuinely innocent they are.
I’m sure that most of you can see the innocence of these little puppies.
You had that same innocence.
I can hear the arguments already, so I’ll say it again.
Yes, you had the same innocence. You are not inherently bad. You may very well have had a lot of negative, bad, painful experiences in life, but you are not a bad person. You may have had people tell you that you are bad, and you may have begun to believe them at some point in time, but you were truly born as innocent and pure as these little puppies are.
Parents and caretakers are supposed to nurture and care for a child. They are not supposed to convince a young child that he or she is bad. This scars a child in many ways, as so many of you already know. Overcoming the “you are bad” messages takes a great deal of work in the healing process.
The parents and caretakers are making a serious mistake and they are being poor and inadequate parents when they teach their children that the child is bad. It is very wrong to beat this message into a child.
The adults are being criminally abusive when they hurt or assault young children in the claim of “you deserved this because you are bad”. Children are not bad.
Children are not bad.
You were not bad.
Your child parts are not bad.
Children are not bad, inside or out.
It is wrong for any parent to blame any child in these ways. This is an error and an inadequacy that belongs to the parents.
A parent doing or saying something wrong does not make an accurate description about the worth or value of the child. Parents projecting their poor behavior choices onto a child is about those parents’ projection and a displacement of blame.
It is the parents externalizing responsibility instead of owning responsibility for their own behavior. It is the parent blaming someone that is young and innocent, instead of honestly accepting that they are doing something wrong and unacceptable.
For the child parts reading this blog: all those big words mean that you are a good kid.
Even if your mommy or daddy told you that you were bad, or that you deserved bad things to happen to you, your mommy and daddy were telling you something that is just not true.
I don’t know why your mommy or daddy said those mean things to you, but you are not bad, and no child is ever ever to blame, and none of those bad things were your fault.
You are a good child, and that’s that!
Simply put, children are not ever to blame for the inadequate and improper behavior of their parents.
Children are young.
Children are tiny.
Children are vulnerable.
But they are not bad.
Children have a lot to learn, and they might make little mistakes as they are adventuring out in life.
But children are like young puppies who know very little about life. The young of this world are allowed to learn, and they need guidance, gentleness, and care as they make their way in this big cold world.
Please remember, as a child, you were absolutely as innocent and precious and unknowing as the puppies in the pictures above, and this precious baby here.
And just like these tiny puppies, children should be treated with tenderness and caring so they can grow up to be healthy and happy.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2017 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
After a lifetime of believing so, we have only in the last few months come to the realization that we were programmed, conditioned, to hold the belief that we were inherently flawed, bad, broken beyond repair. We can still fall down into that rabbit hole of self-loathing and profound shame.
During our torturous childhood we were told again and again that we were a bad bad child, that our tiniest actions proved it and deserved to be punishment, severe sessions of abuse in fact. We were told repeatedly that we weren’t worthy of being part of our family, that we were worthless, unacceptable, and not part of the human race.
We were told we were hated and unloved, that we were to be left in the woods someday. We were maybe six years old.
we were taught that only other people mattered, that we weren’t worthy of affection, that instant obedience to her strange always changing rules was required or more abuse would be the result.
we learned, at a young age, that this was madness, that there was cruel hypocrisy in her every behavior but knew better than to reveal this knowledge. we became a keen observer of others behavior, body language, posture, eyes, and more. It kept us safe when possible. To this day we are very very perceptive of other people. It is almost a curse.
“It is almost a curse…..” Well said…..to be so on guard and so “questioning” (actually “suspicious”) is a HARD, HARD way to live….you can find no rest….no way to FEEL safe…..yet you keep trying…and hoping that a miracle moment happens and you CAN get to feel it….but then you would wonder if you would even be able to trust THAT…..
We have parts on guard for body language “discrepancies”… does the tone of voice match the eyes? Does the face match the words? etc….So, so many pieces to “body language” and there can be no discrepancies…your Insides are working hard to make sure it all matches correctly – even while your Outside body is supposed to be looking calm and “normal” – like you are NOT “dissecting” what they are doing…..so you don’t get in trouble for THAT as well…..
No wonder people can’t understand why we are so “tired” all the time….”surviving” is HARD work…..
MissyMing
10/01/20
brokenbeyondrepair10, you said it almost 10 years ago. Its true for me. KB you have logic on your side. But my heart is sealed away from logic.
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you are welcome (: its nice support each other. I haven’t seen anyone in the forum for a long time. I am glad you shared your thoughts.
@vickilost
Thank you.
Will try to hold onto “We are more than what has happened to us.” I do hold those thoughts, just not often for me/us.
wow I there’s a part of me that really relates to what you wrote brokenbeyondrepair10. I feel a lot of the time that I am not a part of this world and don’t feel connection with people too. What you wrote though tugged at my heart – there is something very human in what you wrote. I feel a pain and suffering in what you wrote – which is very human and heartfelt. The fact that you can see beauty, innocence and vulnerability in another living thing shows that you have these within you. True evil cannot see true beauty and innocence and too many of us have suffered from this type of evil. You are not evil you are beautiful, innocent and vulnerable, its still there and no one can take that away from you. We are more than what has happened to us.
No. I was born evil. Before I was born, as soon as I was more than one cell, I was evil. I see beauty, innocence and vulnerability in babies. There is something lacking in me. I just don`t think I am fully human. There are fundamentally human things missing. The need to be loved. I never had it. The need to love. I never had it. The need to connect with other people is totally not there. For a long time, Pdocs and therapists have tried to convince me otherwise. I`d love to believe you and they are correct. You are, just not in my case. I am not a person. Just a mish mash of disordered parts jammed together into one, freakish body.
Sorry to rain on the happy parade, it`s what I always do. Another `flaw` I should accept, is it?.
This is how I have felt for most of my life. And then I met someone who changed the way I feel. Suddenly, I was desperate to be loved. Desperate to connect. I am a cold person when I am not in touch with this person. It really did happen that way for me. It’s a scary thing. Because it makes the whole world look different. I know you probably won’t believe me. But that really has been my experience.
we’re bad we gotta be bad cuz otherwise it no make sense and no can ‘ccept that dont think so yeah we gotta be bad maybe daddy see the badness in us and wanna get rid of it that why he do those things
I love puppies.
I see their innocence, their purity and vulnerability.
Yet I just can’t accept that I was once like that.
I feel bad, I am bad, and I can’t shake that feeling.
Thank you thank you and than you again….the puppies so pure , innocent ..there is nothing bad… no one has scarred them ..they are still safe and warm as they are…I held a new born baby last week… I cried so hard.. it felt so good…a new life…..just pure no words to explain…warm and safe..for a moment in time….thank you for the picture…there is safe and warm in there…
Babies ae fagile. parents hav to protect them. othrwize the evil one comes an hurts them. parents hav to b good. the evil one dos teribl things to babes
i come bak today to see them puppys cos i need chering up. they be so pretty them babys. i like there littol feet.
from claire
Note: I did not edit this as I am trying to be true to my selves. Sorry if it’s hard to read or understand
Kathy, very hard to believe. She can’t be put in the same category as good, little, innocent, trusting babies and puppies. They get good people and a chance to be good. Bad little girls get bad people and no chance to be good.
Maybe bad kids get born to bad people and good kids get born to good people. Because otherwise it’s not fair and if it were that way then it woold be fair. People say lifes not fair but god gets to decide when and were people are born and god would be fare right?
I bad for reel an thas wy tha oatrs sa I not com owt I kan if I want tho.
She puts us in danger and does bad things. We all end up getting hurt and that can’t happen.
What happens to a baby when the body they come from is broken and bad. The baby knows I think. What if then the baby doesn’t want to come out and the body doesn’t want to let it out. And the body shuts down… Maybe the baby knows… Maybe the baby is already bad like the body??? Or maybe he’s scared he will come out bad?? The body doesn’t work right and gets scared for all the babies….. Then you know what? The mean doctors who think their doing right yell at you and give you bad shots that shut your legs off so you can’t move them and tie your arms down so you can’t move them and then they cut you open and take that baby right out of you. Doctors are like abusers, no choice. Pregnancy and birth is like abusers, no choice. Babies come from that… Bad things. Are our kids bad???? Inside kids I really really want to say no but yes resonates from inside like truth.. Outside kids… I dunno but they have us as a mother and that in itself is unfortunate.
IP
My head hurts too.
we did get born bad cos we olmost killd mommy and make her omost die thats a bad thing to do and so them dint want us
but we love babys lots we take care of babys and we love them so mutsh.
it do be hard wen babys cry thowe
we got lots of insie babys cryeng rite now 🙁
oh your puppys be so cute and so cuddoly
i like how the girls tung is sticken out her mowth just a litol bit
make me want to just give her kissis 🙂
we like too see yor puppy picshers
from claire
when the body was born it was wrong and not in the right position and the placenta was in the wrong way and so the mother almost was dead. the baby was born to be the mothers doll to play dress up with and carry around as a status of being a mother and have a cute baby thing.
think babies DO need someone to take care of them and nurture them. that is true. not helpless though not completely. they have reflexes and things. there is the breast feed crawl to find milk that little tiny newborn babies do. not always when born in hospital and taken away from their mama right away and scrubbed clean. babies need to be taken care of enough to survive. need shelter and food and if they don’t get love they end up with lots emotional problems when they grow up. our t thinks that nurture is more important than nature as far as how people turn out. she seems to be rather optimistic though not sure she would want to think humans could be born more on the bad side and not on the good side.
suppose post is really more excuse to post cute puppy pictures and the thought for how to incorporate that into therapy was more an afterthought. good try kathy.
ok, first, using the puppies totally undermine all attempts at logical argument. hmpf.
meanwhile…tabula rasa? oldest debate in the book. forced to agree that nobody’s born 100% by nature bad – but equally, nor are they born 100% good (pure).
not precisely neutral either.
so much potential. that’s all i see, which is neither good nor bad so if i get a vote yeah i reckon maybe we don’t always mean ‘bad’ when we call ourselves bad. ‘bad’, when you look close enough, comes in just a whole dang rainbow of fruit flavors. ha
nature, nurture – in all probability, for each of us, a highly unfair mix of both.
genetic lottery, environmental chaos, then let’s not even start on the spiritual side of things ’cause that’s just asking for trouble.
if an angel can fall, if tomorrow can taste like yesterday already, if tiny beings born this very moment take just one breath, then innocence is lost. gained. lost. gained. lost…
but yeah, i know: puppies. they’re all cute and warm and tiny and i’m a big genetically predetermined ball of goo when exposed to said cute, tiny warmth. LOL
Babies are a tough one. When I see a baby my heart melts. I want to hug and cuddle and protect them forever. But then I have to let them go back to whoever they belong to and I just worry and worry and worry that something terrible is going to happen to them. I love all of the children in my life so dearly, even the ones that aren’t so much children anymore. 🙂 But more and more I find I can’t walk through a department store with a baby section or a toy section because it is just so trigerring in so many different ways.
Even with baby animals. I want to cuddle and hug them. I was lucky enough to work at the humane society for a while and I would try and take such good care of all the baby animals and the big ones too. They deserved so much good in life especially after the hard places they’d come from.
So yeah, babies are a tough one.
thats my word too.
I allus say ‘tainted’.
But I was fortunate.
I don’t think anything too much happened for me and I sorry for those that were hurt so bad. 🙁 I so sorry, stuff like that shouldn’t happen to kids 🙁
Just don’t wanto be posting under false pretenses.
I dunno why I am the way I am.
Yah, sorry not so much. When one is born to be used in truly horrific ways….innocence isn’t really relevant, is it? It’s like being born into a holding pattern, neutral, nothing. Until it starts and the tainting begins…
uh oh, maybe lots gots problems w/babies, maybe Kathy right and we talk bout puppies instead cuz they ok I guess. I never had a puppy, I always get dogs thats mostly grown up.
My fingernails is shorter and sometimes kinda not as clean as I would like.
They kinda crooked cuz they get broke off and stuff.
I dunno why babies bother me.
Makes my head scream, so i stay away.
S’ok.
I dunno how puppies are.
What do they do?
They don’t have diapers!?!!!
I like the snow that comes down here.
Thx.
I sad I think. Maybe there’s waterineye somewhere.
Don’t matter.
S’ok.
🙁
oh sallysmith, your post wasn’t there when I post my post?!
I not say that to you!
I just made comment.
Then I come back and see your post and my post look like it saying to your post but its not.
Anyways, I sad babies freak you too, but kinda glad I not the only one be freaky huh.
TC
Sorry can’t talk bout babies.
Those dogs is cute.
What do your nails look like? cuz the nails in the picture are nice and clean.
I bet lotsa people don’t like to talk bout babies cuz it proly makes their head hurt.
Babies are STUPID if their helpless.
Stupid and dumb.
hey muffledones –
It is ok to stay focused on the puppies if thinking about babies is too difficult or upsetting. The puppies are very sweet. 🙂
Oh, and my nails are just not long and fancy like that, lol. I couldn’t keep a long nail for anything, lol.
What do your fingernails look like?
Kathy
Babies not helpless.
Kathy this is an interesting post and I do understand your point completely on helplessness and innocense. I remember my babies and looking at them wondering how anyone could ever hurt a child? I too feel sad when I see children…young toddlers and up to age of about 10. I just want to cry when I see them and automatically feel so sorry for them and want to comfort them and protect/defend them. This just comes over me when I see kids. I could be in a store or anywhere. When I read this post I go empty in my head and heart. I have no emotion about it because I can’t feel anything. I just empty out of everything while reading it. I do know some of my little parts but have not connected with them…so I am assuming this has alot to do with why I don’t feel anything at all. I do love animals though and I’ll bet your just loving those little pups right up!!
lol no worried muffledones 🙂 I don’t assume anyone’s directing stuff at me unless they actually say it -to- me 🙂 And you didn’t specifically direct it at me so the thought never even crossed my mind 🙂
We had to stop focusing on the babies too because the more we thought about it the farther we went into ‘scaryland’ and then we fell asleep and woke up feeling like there were bolts of electricity shooting through our skull 🙁
One of the guys said that it was his fault because he hadn’t been paying attention to censor stuff – we’re feeling a bit better now but a lot of the littles are screaming that they agree with you splinteredones
I’m afraid the babies are a a ‘safer’ topic for us than the animals – sometimes it feels like the amount of things that safe/nonscary/untriggering just keeps shrinking and shrinking…. 🙁 *sigh* — I guess It will start getting big again as long as we keep working.. :-
Sally
Tiny babies actually trigger me I think… maybe I’m wrong – I don’t know – but when I see babies, I feel panic and terror and shame and isolation. I see purity and innocence, yes… but I also see this tiny thing that’s so vulnerable and nobody to keep it safe – nothing that is strong enough to keep it safe – then I see all these voltures soaring above it — I’m sorry
just they scare me 🙁
Sally
Sally,
Thanks for the comment – and you’ve emphasized my point. The tiny babies are so little and vulnerable that someone has to keep them safe. And it is a very very sad and very very scary situation if there is no one there to keep those babies safe. It seems to me that the scary thing is the vultures soaring around the babies. The babies won’t hurt anyone, but the predatory vultures will.
I’m sorry to hear that little babies trigger so much panic and terror and shame and isolation for you – keep working on those things in your healing process, and hopefully one day you’ll be able to move past those trauma issues…
I wish you the best –
Kathy