The following drawing is a DID survivor’s response to my question:
Can you picture dissociative identity disorder?
*** If you are a dissociative trauma survivor, please read the following article with caution. Some of the topics presented in this blog article could create an emotional reaction from your internal system as several difficult but important topics are mentioned. Please be sure to tend carefully to your own safety and stability. ***
This drawing is helpful to understand dissociation – the very picture itself portrays how it feels to have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID / MPD). Assuming this drawing represents one actual person, the plural, divided-self experiences are visually obvious.
In addition to the whole of the picture, I’ve picked out a variety of elements that could be significant to the dissociative system being pictured. I will include some of the thoughts and questions that come to mind as I look at the different areas of this drawing. A lot of helpful therapeutic information can surface by asking the following questions to the survivor artist. Many of these questions could be asked to any other dissociative survivor in terms of exploring their own internal systems.
1. The blank face in the mirror
- Why is this a blank slate?
- Is there ever a time when “no one” is there? What is that like?
- Does the face place not belong to anyone in specific?
- How often does this person switch?
- Does anyone claim the face?
- Who does the actual face belong to?
- When you switch, are there visible differences in the face?
- Is there a specific leader to this dissociative system? If so, where is this person pictured?
- How often does this dissociative survivor feel like she is living outside of her body or separated from her body?
2. Notice that there are other inside system parts visible in the overall picture –
- Some parts are in the front
- Some parts are in the back – what is the significance of these different locations?
- Some parts are unknown (blank spots)
- Some parts are pictured standing alone
- Some parts are closely connected to someone else
- Some parts are older, likely adult in age
- Some parts pictured are very young
- Some parts pictured are middle-aged children
- Some parts pictures appear to be teenagers
Additional Questions:
- Can you identify any of these insiders as specific individuals?
- Who talks to who?
- Do the insiders on the back communicate with or know about the insiders located on the artist’s paint palette?
- Since we are seeing only a small portion of the actual body, are there other parts located elsewhere that are not pictured in this drawing?
- If there are other system insiders that are not pictured in this drawing, would you consider drawing another picture that does include them?
- Do the two main figures in this picture represent two distinctly different systems?
- Are you aware of what happens when the insiders “from the back” are out?
- Do you experience more time loss with the parts that are connected to the body but not visible because they are on the back or with the parts that you can see, but are more separate and pictured on the paint palette?
3. The hair and the clothes
Notice that the hair and the clothes are different in the mirror — ever so slightly — but still different. Notice the different hairstyles / clothing for the different insiders – a clue for who is out might be related to the actual hairstyle / clothing they are wearing that day.
4. What is the thumb covering?
I would need to ask the artist to know what this represents for sure, but several possibilities do come to mind.
- Is this a dark area of the internal system that is trying to hide?
- Is this an area that represents difficult feelings like shame, pain, anger, or any areas of life that may not be comfortable to look at?
- Using the metaphor of the paint palette, the dark spot might indicate a hole in the palette. Does it have any other significance than that? Are there “holes” in your system? To where does that hole lead?
5. Mirrors
As much as one figure appears to be the reflection in the mirror, is the mirror actually the doorway for an entirely different system than the parts outside of the mirror? It is not uncommon for mirrors to be part of the internal world / internal landscape of a dissociative survivor. These mirrors are very significant and will require specific therapeutic attention.
6. Circles
Some dissociative survivors speak about circles in their life, and circles can represent specific relationships, and / or being “in the circle” can have layers of meaning.
- Is there any significance or meaning to the circle designs included in this drawing?
- Do the insiders stay separated in their circle “bubbles” or are they allowed to mingle with each other?
7. Colors
Since the artist of this drawing used the paint palette metaphor to show their system, do colors have an important meaning to their system? Are certain parts associated with certain colors? For example, are there parts from the “green layer” or are there parts associated together as part of the “blue group”, etc. If so, what do the different colors mean, and what are the common characteristics or job roles of the insiders associated with each color?
8. Box Frame
What is the relevance of the square / rectangle mirror frame? Does seeing a main figure inside the box frame have any significance? Are any of your insiders tucked away in boxes? If your system insiders are not in boxes, do you have other issues boxed up?
9. Connection to the Body
One of the strongest themes in this picture relates to the way the different parts of the system appear to be very separate from the body.
- How often is this person in a numb, dissociated, depersonalized, or out-of-body state?
- When the parts from the paint palette are “in the body”, can the artist feel that they are present? Or do these parts continue to have a separated distance?
- Does the body feel the same or different when the mirror-reflection group of insiders is present in the body?
I have found this drawing to be rich in information that would be useful when discussing the dissociative issues experienced by this trauma survivor. There is much to learn about this survivor-system and asking these questions is just the beginning.
What do you see in this picture?
What else would you wonder about?
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2020 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
Oh my goodness Kathy, you have so many questions from one drawing! I would have to think really hard about each and every one. But sometimes thinking takes way too much energy. For now I just wanted to say that it will make me take a closer look at my own drawings.
Thanks
Meig-peoplepuzzlepieces
Hi peoplepuzzlepieces,
Thanks for your comment.
Yes, yes, please DO look more closely at your drawings. There are usually layers and information available to be seen in anything that a dissociative survivor creates. Be really curious, and ask what this means, and what this means, and what this means, etc. You’ll find that you can learn a whole lot more than you realized if you ask questions.
And yes… sometimes thinking DOES take too much energy! I know that one. 🙂
Rest up, and happy artwork to you –
Kathy
We are way too switchy right now to leave a proper comment but I just wanted to say real quickly that i LOVE this drawing-it is just like something we would draw- and the questions you asked about it are so good. we have lots to say but right now we wouldn’t make much sense. The drawing is amazing though. will try later. when we’re not so switchy.
pilgrims
its a weird thing to look in the mirror. we try hard to avoid it.
i especially dont like it.
neither do the kids.
things don’t ever look really like you expect they’re going to look.
sometimes we think we’re going to see Claire with her blond hair in braids, or Tuck with his short brown hair, or me with my long blackish hair, or whatever. we don’t know WHO this person in the mirror is supposed to be, this reflection. its an odd combination of our mom+dad, neither of whom we want to look like.
sometime no one is there. it feels empty & hollow. sometimes when we’re inbetween switches and it takes a long time or when something scary is happening and nobody wants to be out front, we feel like a hollow shell and we’re all hiding away in the back of the body and trying to be very tiny and this body feels so big. sometimes its scary but sometimes its sort of a good feeling. or maybe not good, but at least its not a bad feeling.
and who DOES our face and body belong to? it isn’t any of us. the person that is supposed to have this body isn’t even here. we don’t know what happened to her. who is supposed to be living here? if we all left somehow, what would happen to this body? would she come back? kind of weird to think about.
but she used to stare in the mirror a long long time ago and she would see us looking back at her through her eyes, and she’d say “Who ARE you? Who ARE you?” over and over again because she knew we were in there but she didn’t really know about DID and she was really in denial but she knew something was wrong with her… she used to try to get us to come out through the mirror, I think. She could see us staring back behind her eyes, but still didn’t quite get that we were there.
jo
Thanks jo – your comment is very interesting, and it is cool to see how you can relate so much to this piece of art. You’ve asked some good questions, and you’ve clearly had many thoughts and talks while standing in front of a mirror. I appreciate that you shared your thoughts with us.
My thought is — keep talking to each other! Building internal relationships and internal connections is really important. Sounds like you are doing a lot of that, so keep up the good work!
Kathy
Wondering if you still are looking for artwork? Don’t think we are good at art but have some.
Hi earhearts,
Sure – if you have some artwork that you would like to send in to me to comment on in a blog article, that is completely ok with me. I am willing to do DID Artwork articles as long as folks are interested in reading them! 🙂
Kathy
Hi Kathy, I am blind so I can’t see the picture, but your questions got me thinking about my own system. Do you mind if I take them to my blog to discuss, with proper credit of course?
Hi Astrid —
Yes, with proper credit and links back to this blog, I would be honored to know that you were discussing my questions on your blog. Thanks for asking, and please let me know when you post your article, because I may very well want to include a link to your blog too.
I wish you the best… and happy discovering… 🙂
Kathy
i think it loks a litol like the girl holdeng a buttin pushing thing like a disk
like a CD chanjer
and it hold difrint pepol in it
and wehn her gets to the miror her can push the buton
and pick who her want to come out
and that be who gona show up on her blank fase.
see how that girl gots her thumb on the buton.
you no how somtims wehn your switschy you can do that
somtims you can pick who gona talk from inside.
maebe it culd be like that
from claire
hmmmmm, that’s an interesting thought, Claire. I didn’t think of that one.
And yes, you are right — sometimes from inside, you can pick who is going to be the next one to come out.
Good point!
Kathy
I wrote a post based on your first series of questions (referring to the blank image in the mirror), which is at http://astridvanwoerkom.wordpress.com/2010/10/15/exploring-dissociation-when-no-one-is-around/.
jo of Pilgrim child’s comments on the woman staring in the mirror and saying WHO ARE YOU got to me cause I DO THAT NOW! I often look in the mirror and my reflection fuzzes out until all I see is a haze and then a revolving parade of quick images pop across the mirror so fast I can’t catch a clear look of whoever it is looking out at me. It feels exactly like it does when the optometrist puts different lenses in front of your eyes instantly to see which ones will help you see the best. Interesting post Kathy.
Thank you
csunbean
Hi csunbean,
Thanks for your comment, and I appreciate hearing from you. I’m glad you can relate! Thanks for additional analogy.
Kathy