FAITH ??!
Do you need faith to overcome the negative effects of trauma? Faith? Isn’t that a religious or spiritual term, Kathy? Don’t worry – I’m not a preacher – I’m not going to preach at you.
But I do believe in a thing called faith.
I do believe there is goodness and light in the world. And I believe there is evil and darkness in the world. There can be many complex, complicated layers in between, but in my opinion, the opposite ends exist.
And I believe that there is a huge spiritual war going on out there that puts good versus evil. And one of the ways this war plays itself out is between people, including between violent perpetrators and their innocent victims.
Many dissociative trauma survivors have seen this war in a very literal way – in a way that most people don’t ever even begin to realize exists. DID survivors have fought evil on their very own, even as a child – completely alone, tiny, without help, without support, without comfort. And somehow, even in the midst of fighting the most horrid evil and degrading violence, some DID trauma survivors have maintained a strong, undeniable connection to goodness, light, compassion, and empathy in their heart, soul, and spirit.
Is there anything more impressive than that?
Found at colorsnspirits.com
How can someone fight evil on their own, as a very young child, and still hold onto the powers of goodness and light?!
How can these young children withstand years of the intensity of the anger, violence, and sadism they are exposed to, and still grow up to be a kind, decent, compassionate, empathetic, gentle people?
Is some ways, it is the biggest testimony to the power of goodness and light that I have ever heard. And I’ve seen this over and over and over in a number of different survivors.
Somehow these young, abused children hold onto a faith, a goodness, a hope that gets them through the trauma and the pain.
There are scars from the abuse, yes – tons of them, on all kinds of levels – but deep within, in a very protected place, there remains that strong unbreakable connection to goodness and light. It doesn’t get squished out. It doesn’t get beaten away. It can’t be stolen. It’s there. It’s real. It might be protected or hidden, but it exists. I can see, absolutely without question, or a shadow of a doubt, the connection to goodness and light exists.
That is powerful. It’s amazing. It’s mind-boggling.
I don’t know how it happens, but that to me is proof.
It is proof that good trumps evil.
I have a song to share with you all.
A trauma survivor first introduced it to me, and I want to pass it on to all of you, because it is a powerful song about overcoming darkness. It is about having the faith to stand even against the odds.
Many of you are still struggling from the horrors of your abuse and pain – the hurt is real, and healing is not an easy path. I hope this song provides comfort, strength, hope, and healing for you.
“What Faith Can Do” by Kutless
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Overcome the odds
You don’t have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That’s what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise
Please watch the official music video of this song:
Even if you fall sometimes……..
Even if you fall sometimes YOU will have the strength to rise.
I wish you the best in your healing journey, and lots ‘n lots of faith, and all the strength you need to rise.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2020 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
If you think the world is merely “good” versus “evil”, then this is only black and white thinking. There will never be peace with this mentality.
This by Kutless too, one of my fav songs. Its bout God(or your higher power.) that He waiting for us to come to him. He waits. Allus. I don’t really like the vid, but the tune/song is good.
TC
Ones
“Run”
Why do you run why do you hide oh don’t you know I
just, just want to be with you.
Looking down from above as you watch TV
Wondering why, oh you’re ignoring me
Do you remember, remember when I came to you
And you loved me
And I’m waiting for you
And I’m waiting for you
Why do you run why do you hide oh don’t you know I
just, just want to be with you, to be with you
Hey, why do you run why do you hide oh don’t you know
I just, just want to be with you, to be with you…
Whatever happened to the love, the love you had for me
When you first came to me
Don’t you know that I died, died so I could be with
you forever.
And I’m waiting for you
And I’m waiting for you
Why do you run why do you hide oh don’t you know I
just, just want to be with you, to be with you
Hey, why do you run why do you hide oh don’t you know
I just, just want to be with you, to be with you…
Find a place of solitude, and I’ll speak to you
As you pray to me
Don’t you know I’m waiting here, waiting for you to
read and hear my words
I’m waiting here missing the time the times we shared
oh, please come to me
So, why do you run why do you hide oh don’t you know I
just, just want to be with you, to be with you
Hey, why do you run why do you hide oh don’t you know
I just, just want to be with you, to be with you…
.
.
ht tp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6-kFWLg0ag
(to play the link, copy-paste, and remove the space between ht tp:)
Thank you. My soul breaks wide open with music. Maybe someday the tears will help us all come together as true friends with this one heart. I hope.
JP
That link to “What faith can do” wouldn’t play in my country.
If it don’t work for you try this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTr8mB–sZw
Or just type Kutless What faithcan do you tube in google.
Pink Floyd-Learning to fly.
————————-
Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reel
A fatal attraction is holding me fast
How can I escape this irresistible grasp?
Can’t keep my eyes from the circling sky
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earthbound misfit, I
Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to find my way home
Unladen, empty and turned to stone
A soul in tension, that’s learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Can’t keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earthbound misfit, I
Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night
There’s no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, a state of bliss
Can’t keep my mind from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earthbound misfit, I
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
This song is to me, about not giving up. We keep trying and trying to do OK. We never give up.
The video is way cool It reminds me of when I was a kid, I used to think I could fly. Maybe I did! I never felt so free.
BUT ****MT****
the fly part a native guy launches off a cliff to take flight. This could poss be triggering to some mayhap. Its NOT about S, its about trying and being free to live. About how things CAN be good and feel good and be OK.
It may mean other things to other people. This is just what I think.
Thx
Ones
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ht tp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb-Nacm-pKc&feature=related
(to make the link work, please copy-paste and remove the added space between the ht tp:)
This is wacked? Sometime video embed, sometime it embed and not play, sometime a link???? Myself I like links best. When they work that is.
LOL.
Muffledones…
Thanks for the songs. I can’t get the links to work correctly either, so I’m changing them to a link with an extra space to get rid of the embedded thingy-bob that won’t work anyway.
This way people can copy-paste, remove the added space, and find the video directly on you tube.
Great songs!
Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Kathy
That guy is pretty easy on the ol eyes too huh? 🙂
I REALLY love the free feeling.
Makes me keep trying.
Never give up.
Never.
Hi Paul,
I kind of think that I’m grey. I have parts that are more black and white, but the thing is that I think a lot of DID really is grey. There isn’t an all or nothing, because to that end you’re right, it serves nobody. I think that the last couple of posts here though were specifically supposed to talk about that war of the black and white because unfortunately WAR is a fitting word. Having done some military time, one does have to make a choice. From my point of view that’s what this is about, taking a stand, making a choice and saying no to things that aren’t really even language ready they’re so dark. Maybe that’s the point, because it’s darker than dark, that’s what evil is and what it can do is horrific. Maybe the grey is in the heart space, not the head space. It is for me.
JP
I’m making a post for someone that sent a comment via email:
——————————
Thank you for your response – I am always glad to know when my articles ring true with the experiences felt by someone else.
I think, to make a comment, you have to first register a username at wordpress.com . You don’t have to make a blog if you do this, but I think you do have to register with wordpress first, before commenting here.
Thanks again!
Kathy
I have faith in goodness because I have known some wonderful, kind and loving people. But because my abusers were priests it is very difficult at these times of year. I miss my religious faith.
I don’t know how to do the links but
this is probably my favorite song ever, it brings me comfort.
and it gets me through.
If you’ve never heard this get tissues in hand.
Go to You Tube, type in One Hundred Thousand Angels Lucinda Drayton
Here are the lyrics
Do you hear me calling you,
The voice of a mother
And a father and a child.
Would you recognize the truth,
Do you feel the love that´s falling
From my eyes ?
Take just a minute,
Come and rest here by my side.
Let me tell you your own story,
Let me walk you through your lives. <<<< (this really hits home for me)
Only a second,
It's all it takes to realise,
There's a hundred thousand angels by your side
There's a hundred thousand angels by your side.
Do you hear me talk to you,
I whisper through doorways
And pathways of your mind.
Clear like the morning dew
And fresh from my journey
Cross an ocean of blue…
Take just a minute,
Come and rest you by my side.
Let me tell you your own story,
Let me walk you through your life,
Only a second it's all it takes to realize,
There's a hundred thousand angels by your side
There's a hundred thousand angels here tonight.
Much Love,
JP
Wow, thx JP.
Mona, people hurt you. They happened to be priests 🙁 There’s bad apples in every barrel.
Cops, doctors, polititians, teachers, coaches, mothers, fathers.
MOST are ok.
But ya, some bad ones, evil ones 🙁
Its a fallen world….. We all have free will….
Unfortunately some choose asst levels of evil. Including deep evil.
🙁
But more don’t.
More don’t.
FWIW, my preacher thinks I am either a major B, or else that I hate him.
Dunno, he’s relatively new and I haven’t said more’n’a coupla words to him.
I don’t think a preacher abused me SA, but I seen plenty of preachers go ‘bad’ and act like MEGA jerks.
Sad.
I don’t give up on my religion tho. Cuz really, I don’t understand God, its beyond me, but I can understand Jesus. I am learning bible stuff. It kinda freaky how it seems so illogical,I think its the stupidest book EVER, but then as I learn more, stuff just keeps falling into place….it makes sense…..
LOL, sorta like DD. More I learn, more that falls into place.
So, I ain’t got a whole lotta use for preachers.
I just don’t truly understand God, he/it freaks me.
Jesus is OK. I think he ‘gets’ stuff.
Also, in general.
I think there is pure evil, and there is pure good.
Just like there is night, and there is day.
There is hot and there is cold.
All on continuums of one extreme to another, and everything in btwn.
Nothing static and the same.
It is a beautiful and horrific world.
I am going to try and add good when I can.
Tho I fall short most of the time.
I gonna try and not be bad.
And LOL, I’ll be good and bad and everything in btwn no doubt.
But I’ll never be perfect, and I will never be pure evil.
Rambling.
Sometimes I make my T insane w/my philosophy. LOL!
Great way to redirect a session when it going into dangerous territory!
Ha ha!
TC
Ones
🙁 Sometimes the hurt smooshes over the good and makes it hard to see it….:( Alls we can see is bad or smooshed bad.
Can’t see good.
Then goto tell self, there is good.
Goto think and remember good.
mebbe I should write down good stuff so’s I can remember.
A book of Good.
There IS good.
There is so much good.
I really believe that with my whole heart.
The conflict is oppressive but I have genuine faith that some things do penetrate. Some things like the beauty in music, speak so much better than words on a page. So I listen and I just know that the ones
who are so hurt, so pained, so seemingly forgotten were
never ever forgotten. I know they hear, too.
Something was with us and we don’t know if that’s
God for some, for us it is love.
We can all choose love today. For me that has been the
ONLY thing that makes a difference.
In my life,
in yours, in any life or lives,
we have that choice and there is freedom there.
Nobody gets to take that away anymore.
My heart is with you all on this journey.
There will be peace.
Because there are so many of us who want that more.
That’s what this is all about.
Take Care,
JP
Hold On by Wilson Phillips
I know this pain
why do you lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life, except for you
Don’t ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
is it really fair to feel this way inside
Some day somebody is gonna make you want
to turn around and say good bye
Until then baby, are you going to let them hold
you down and make you cry
Don’t you know? Don’t you know things can change
Things will go your way.
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day?
Things will go your way
Hold on for one for more day
You can sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You’ve got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Letting your worries pass you by
Don’t you think it is worth your time
to change your mind
Some day somebody is gonna make you
want to turn around and say good bye
and on it goes….
ht tp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWrg1kUiAX4
(please copy-paste, and remove the extra space between ht tp:)
My all time favorite right now is Happy by Leona Lewis
ht tp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Mt7Nfq1CJc
(please copy-paste, and remove the extra space between ht tp:)
Cool, that Happy song is new to me.
Its great! 🙂
music is so cool.
this be lots of werds to red but i try.
kafy you do make sents to me what you say more then the bad pepol what they say i do be try to belev you more
allso coz you talk niser we think niser pepol be more belevabol
we be thinkin lots bot what you tech us
and God be lots biger then the bad pepol rite?
from mae
Hi Kathy,
After repeatedly addressing ritual abuse issues, could you also make a post about christian religious abuse? As you surely know, for every sra person there are maybe 100 people who have deep scars from christian brainwashing and close-mindedness.
And could you also post about forgiving the abusers? Many christians seem to think that it’s the only way to “become free from ones past”. It is often thought that a non-forgiving victim will become a bitter and resentful person who deserves his/her misery. In the end you seem to be worse than the perpetrator if you can’t forgive. I’d like to hear your views. Do you think it’s necessary to forgive?
Blastcell, I had an article published called “Forgive and Forget?” in American Magazine, September 2002. It is available online adn on my blog. In it I suggest that the only person who can claim the right to forgive abusers is the victim her/himself. No one else has the right to tell us to forgive. On the other hand, I do believe that letting go of anger is useful to victims as long as we realise that this does not excuse the behavior of the abuser or mean we have to have anything to do with them.
Imagine someone who loves you singing this to you
and hug yourself safe. Allow the song to rock you and comfort you. Maybe imagine your nurturing adult self singing it to your child parts.
Be kind to yourself this weekend, everybody.
“Answer”, Sarah McLachlan
I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can’t look down
If it takes my whole life
I won’t break, I won’t bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You’ll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
Place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
If it takes my whole life
I won’t break, I won’t bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all burned out
You’ll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
You Tube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFuZrQ6ajdk&feature=related
wow.
What a powerful sentence –
I will think of this song when I think of the survivors that are hurt in the unkind of the night…..
Thanks for sharing this, Mona.
Kathy
Anybody ever read ‘The Shack’? I reading it, its cool. I heard the author speak. He a good speaker. The story IS fiction, tho its written as tho its real. But it is based some on the authors life, which incl abuse.
The stuff bout trinity is sorta like parts stuff. How its hard to describe.
Its kinda triggery and tough to read one of the early chapters. I kinda just glossed over it. But the rest is ok.
The author just wrote it for his kids only, but a friend said it was good and so they published it.
Puts a diff spin on things for sure.
I wonder if I allowed to put a copy of the guys talk on you tube? Tho its bout 1/2 hr.
Or mebbe its already out there, haven’t looked. I think there a website bout the book, but I not been there.
Kinda I being careful ATM.
Proly its ok, I dunno. I be real busy ATM.
Ones
Hi muffledones.
I read the book The Shack. Found it a pretty good read, a different take on things. Not exactly my belief system. My take away from the book was learning to forgive.
Lee
in oct. of 1971 i planned my exit with care, to hurt my abusive neglectful parents as little as possible. i will say no more lest i trigger you or give you ideas.
crisis lines were new back then and i called one. long story short – a kind lady listened to me and offered me her heartfelt listening. she got me in touch with a group of Christians.
i am not trying to preach either, but Jesus reached me somehow and made the first real connection i had ever felt. susana mariah was born on oct. 21, 1971. J. alone has kept me alive. i live in painful circumstances and i am deep in dealing with the most horrible of my past. i’ve gone through hell on earth and i’m not through, but my one and only God will see me through even when i scream at him and accuse him of not loving me. his is the only love i can never drive away. he will pull a dirty trick on me or use me like a rag. in fact, he treats me so well i get scared and run away – which sounds just dumass stupid and he just stays with me until i calm back down. i’m dealing with heavy, sharp grief and the beginning of my hidden rage. i am so glad my God is part shepherd because i’m so mixed up and pain filled i NEED someone to watch over me.
susana mariah/hurting pixies
I am ambivalent about God right now but I am clear that Jesus was a victim like so many others: he was lied to and lied about, wrongly accused, abandoned by his best friends. He cried, he struggled, but he carried on and refused to abuse others. He is a good role model in many ways. On the other hand, I don’t think he would approve much of today’s Christianity, and in the Catholic Church debacle he would definitely be on the side of the victims. That gives me comfort. I am glad, pixies, that you find the Good Shepherd image of God to be comforting. You deserve that. I hope that everyone on this site can access and benefit from an image of a loving, protecting, comforting and consoling Higher Power whatever form that image takes.
Reblogged this on Discussing Dissociation and commented:
Hello All —
I wrote this blog in 2010, and today, while I was thinking of what kind of hope I would like to pass on to those who are struggling with the darkness of Halloween, I thought of this post.
Hold tight to your faith — your strength, and your healing, and your connection to goodness, kindness, love, and light is obvious. I understand how the darkness can feel so incredibly overwhelming, especially on nights like Halloween. But find your faith spot. You have one. Tucked deep deep down inside. It’s gotten you through so much more than you may realize. I know it has, because while so many of you had to dance with evil, you didn’t become evil. You maybe had to appear that you joined in, but in your heart and soul, you did not.
Be careful to not believe the lies of the dark. You were not born bad. You did not deserve the pain you were given. There is and was no need to punish you into smitherines.
Your faith is strong. Find it, and hold tight.
Thinking of you….
Kathy
Isn’t it awesome that we can’t define, explain away or even quite imagine this thing called Faith.
Kathy, i really appreciate what you just shared above.
It isn’t necessarily rational to FEEL that evil people have placed evil upon us that we can’t get away from, and i have often had to talk to myself about this, to bring myself up out of it.
And it is true, that we are still here despite what has happened.
Now, sometimes i struggle with feeling badly about the fact that i dissociate, like it is a wrong thing i do. Other times i wonder if it is perhaps like the way of escape from evil the Bible sometimes talks about. But i don’t know?
I am grateful for your statement about appearing to join in, when deep inside we did not. How many times do i tell myself, “God knows the truth, God knows…”
1esmecat
I wish my friend would communicate her fears to me, rather than running away and hurting me (in the process of trying to give her support). What I am experiencing with my friend sounds a lot like what multipixie9 described in her comment (above). I use to rely on my German Shepherd for emotional support – he eventually died. We need to be mindful about how we treat our friends who support us. They really do care. Our supporters want to see us be healed . . . completely . . . as in . . . every wonderful aspect of our being.
I do understand Kathy Broady’s special comment . . . which I just read. That is helpful. Thank you.
Kathy,
I’m replying for the first time but have read your blog from time to time. Thank you so much for your articles. Though a few have been hard for me to read based on the early stages of my recovery, I have found your insight and honesty very helpful.
I know that I could not manage to work on my trauma without a belief in my God, Jesus Christ. There is no other way for me to make sense of this abuse done me other than it being pure evil. However, through Him all things are possible and this is where my hope lies!
It’s not always easy, in fact often it is excruciatingly difficult. Some parts do not really believe in Him or really just feel totally unworthy of his redeeming love. But I truly believe i would be dead without my faith seeing me through this journey.
Thank you for posting this topic.
Tired Of Hiding Who I Am,
Welcome to Discussing Dissociation, and thank you so much for posting — it is always good to “meet” those that come here and read. Thank you.
It is good to know that you have found so many comforts, strengths, and understanding in your faith. I think that can make an enormous difference, as you were saying. Keep working with your system – they each would have been taught different things, had different experiences in order to build the approach they have. The more you understand the whole of what you have survived, the more you can resolve the conflicts you are experiencing within. Keep up the good work.
Warmly,
Kathy
I used to think i needed faith
I used to beleave in a loving kind God who still watched over me even tho he never rescued me from the bad things
I used to think he wuuld eventually make things better if i just held on long enough.
Now i know better
I know that if there is a god he does not care
He stopped caring like everyone else
I know he ignors my prayers
I know he doesnt here me any more
I know i will never be rescued
Because all the bad stuff is my fallt and i desirve to be stuck in it.
I nknow now to rely on god any more just like i cant rely on pepole.
I know he isnt watching over me or intrested in my life
I know he doesnt give a shit what i am going thru.
I wish i still had faith
I wish i still beleved
I was just stupid bacl then when i beleved.
Now i know better..
I cant anymore
I dont trust god
I dont trust anybody
There is no one out there to help
And i diserve to be in hell anyway
I know i diseve exactly what hapins to me
Jesus isnt going to help
He gave up on me to and i totaly understand why
I like this thread.
not able to process all the comments right now but thank you for this article Kathy and everyones thoughts. helpful.
we (in this system) are still here when there isn’t any real good physical reason for having survived a bunch of stuff. . reason enough for faith to us.
Hi Lisa,
Just wanted to give you a shout out to say how happy that I am that you are here with us. Personally, I feel that faith starts with ourselves – having faith in how wonderful, beautiful, creative, amazing, and strong souls we are to have survived. That is something to shout from the mountaintops!
ME+WE
03/30/2018
Hey Lisa,
Welcome to Discussing Dissociation, and thank you for your comment. 🙂
That sounds like a good reason to have faith — I agree with you!
I, for one, am glad you survived.
Warmly,
Kathy
Kathy,
This is an interesting topic. Not sure when you wrote this but from the length of the replies, my guess is a long time ago. This topic made me think of a current situation I am in, and several I have been in when it comes to therapy. I am a Christian and a preacher’s wife as well but I am also a spiritual abuse survivor on top of other categories of abuse that I will refrain from putting here. I have a very difficult time with Christian therapists in general who “assume” that just because their client (me) is sitting in front of them, that all Christian belief systems are the same because they aren’t. I have yet to find a Catholic, Presbyterian, Baptist, Methodist, Mormon, and Pentecostal to name just a few to be on the same page of Christian belief system because none of these various faiths believes the exact same things.
What I find harder to swallow with my history (and my guess others like me), are those who were spiritually abused, the abusive tactics used were all in the name of “Christianity”. I never did blame God for what happened to me because I knew it was people that were doing this to me, not God. Maybe I’m just odd because I know there are individuals who believe this way. I can’t judge someone because yes, the questions have run through my mind of why then is this horrid abuse allowed to go on. I do not know or have the answers to those questions other than there are just evil people out there. But what I do know is I can take the horrid stuff of my past, and use it to help others. That is the choice I have, and I refuse to get bitter but get better so I can help others. I have struggles all the time due to the abuses of the past but that does not define who I am as a person because those abuses never succeeded in stopping me grow up and become who I am, and who I was created to be.
What I get frustrated with and what I do not think some therapist realize, especially if they identify as a Christian therapist and know their client is a Christian, is that during the session they will use triggering phrases which are normally acceptable in the Christian community, yet those same phrases were used as part of the past abuse. My frustration lies in when I try to tell them to stop, please don’t use those phrases; and the therapist can’t seem to get it through their mindset of why they need to stop, why it is even an issue. I am still not at the place where I can discuss what happened in the past, there hasn’t been enough trust gained, enough safety built.
I apologize for the length of this. Obviously, I am ranting, and I’m still triggered by a session that happened earlier this week which I had with a therapist I started seeing for EMDR. I’m not exactly sure what my next step will be, whether to continue with her, whether to try to work through the conflict, whether to ask her for some referrals, or just say hang it.
I will probably talk more about this on my blog if anyone wants to come join me… http://www.journeyofthebrokenpieces.blogspot.com
Thanks for letting me vent a little.
Lee 3/30/2018
Hey Lee —
Wow — what a reply, and thank you for that. Really well said.
I am a preacher’s daughter — grew up in the church — in a very healthy, positive, caring church atmosphere. Nothing whatsoever terrible about those years of time, and my father is a good man. He’s not perfect, but by golly, he’s a good man. It’s the many, many years of watching him give everything he had to help his congregation of wounded people that most certainly impacted my choice of career, no doubt.
And I do understand that not all churches are positive, or okay, and that perpetrators and abusers hide in the church, just like they hide in schools, and the medical profession, and the therapeutic professions, etc.
One of the reasons you don’t see me speaking outwardly about my personal faith is for exactly the reasons you wrote about — it triggers the bejeeeeeebies out of the very folks who need help with spiritual abuse. In individual / private sessions, I may talk more openly, depending on the situation, and when the other person and I can have a really good discussion about faith-related topics, answer questions, and address fears.
I’m so sorry to hear that it’s hard to find a therapist who understands the delicacy of language, and recognizes that even beautifully-intended words can be a genuine trigger phrase. It’s surely not hard for therapists to understand that perpetrators will purposefully destroy what is good and beautiful. What better way to confuse a child, or even an adult, by twisting the very words that were supposed to have positive meaning.
Try something like this. Write a list of those phrases in a column. Then in a second column, write what those same phrases mean as the trigger phrase.
Surely, if a therapist sees that “Phrase A” becomes interpreted equal to “Phrase B”, in terms of trigger power, they will realize they need to address those issues, and watch their wording. Because for goodness sakes, they gotta address the trigger element so the words are no longer attached to the abusers’ definition of the words.
AND, it’d be great if they could help you unhook those phrasings so you can claim more freedom of speech for yourself too.
It sounds like you are doing great work on your own, and please keep at it. Vent all you want, and I’m happy to hear more of your vents here as well.
Those abusers chose horrific behaviours, and they committed horrible crimes in all they did to you. They are responsible for what they did, and what they did was wrong.
It sounds like you are working really hard at gaining your freedom and your healing from such horrible crimes. I applaud you on that, and really hope you continue to grow and to feel stronger and healthier.
Warmly,
Kathy
Kathy,
Thank you for your thoughtful and kind response. I appreciate your suggestions and may have to do that. This week is super hard. Not only due to the upcoming holiday but because my past session with one of my therapist struck something along the lines of phrases and words being used.
You are absolutely correct that the subject of spiritual abuse needs to be addressed, especially in the therapeutic community because it isn’t happening. Honestly, techniques being used that are supposedly helpful are more harmful because they are too similar to the techniques abusers used. Trying to get a therapist to understand this, is about impossible. They automatically assume the client is being resistant. Well, I guess in a sense the client is but for obvious and good reason because it is too much like the client’s past. But it is sad it takes the client to completely dissociate because it is too much like the past, before the therapist gets the message. This is one reason why I decided to become a therapist because I am fed up with the way therapy is done for trauma survivors.
Thankfully, I have a team of good therapists in place that does listen. The latest episode is because it is a new therapist I just added on to my treatment team a couple months ago, so there is a learning curve in place. I talked to my trauma therapist and she encouraged me to continue with the new therapist since it is for EMDR. There was some other stuff going on that triggered me. My trauma therapist made one statement which is the truth about me, and that is I DON’T TRUST THERAPIST! I told her she was absolutely correct that I don’t trust any therapist especially new therapists because they have no idea what they are doing. So she encouraged me to continue and try to work out the kinks. She knows I will try because I care too much about my own therapy to just give up.
Hi Lee,
I enjoyed your comments here and on your blog as well. Spiritual abuse is far too common and not really very well addressed. I applaud you for wanting to be an agent of change.
I went from a spiritually abusive family to a spiritually abusive church. It was so bad in church that I would dissociate and see my 9 year old boy part literally jumping over pews and running out the front door. It wasn’t actually happening, but rather than hearing a part, I was seeing the part act out. It happened over and over again in church. I didn’t realize I was dissociative at the time. I didn’t understand what that part was telling me. I stayed at that church way too long. It was very damaging to me. Eventually, I left the church because it was too traumatizing. When I have tried to go to a different church, I have had to get up and leave because I have felt so incredibly nauseous I thought I was going to vomit on the people around me.
It has taken a long time to come to terms with that experience. Most of my parts want nothing to do with God or religion and certainly don’t take kindly to anyone telling them anything related to faith, religion, or spirituality. While parts of me want to place blame and say we can’t trust a pastor or minister again, I think in reality, I am most afraid of not trusting myself – and that I, or parts of me, would allow myself to be hurt again.
I think faith or spirituality is incredibly important for healing. I’m just not sure healing can happen without some belief in a greater good, in the power of love and acceptance. While I can’t imagine myself ever embracing the Christian tradition again, or really any form of organized religion, I hope that I can regain a healthy spirituality and belief system.
My T is Catholic and does a great job with presenting beliefs, practices, ideas from lots of different traditions and even some sort of new age approaches. At first as I was resistant, but 5 years later, I am more open and I appreciate her willingness to present lots of options as I work through past issues and develop a healthy, mature, spirituality that will work best for my system.
It is a lot of work to reclaim our freedom, our free will. I admire your strength and determination and desire to make a difference for others!
Wishing you the best,
~ neo
Hi Neo,
I was raised in a household where organized religion was considered evil. So, I come at this from a different perspective. What I have learned is that I have a strong spiritual sense despite no religious background (although Christian holidays were recognized). I tried organized religion in my early 20s to see what it was all about. Not for me. Too much hierarchy, patriarchy, power, money and obsessive control and too little actual spiritual teaching and living. In the past few years I have explored meditation (various kinds that I view as techniques rather than any need to follow a “teacher”). Here I have been able to truly explore my spiritual self and tap into the universal spiritual energy. I like meditating with others (do so on a weekly basis) because there is some collective energy that is wonderful to share, But the journey is an individual one and does not adhere to any single practice or religious framework. I really like that.
I would really like to encourage folks to look for spiritual connection and guidance on your own personal path with whatever your higher self/being embraces. Just as we cannot let the perpetrators of our physical/emotional abuse take our bodies, minds and hearts away from us, do not let them rob you of your spiritual self.
ME+WE
04/04/2018
Thanks Neo!
I appreciate your response and comment. And yes, I agree spiritual abuse happens more often than what people like to admit. I honestly did not realize how often it occurred until I began working with survivors. Up until that point in my life, I honestly thought I was this weird person who was the only one who had experienced anything like this. No, I wasn’t, and sadly what I found is it happened among various denominations, not just one particular one. This does not mean that ALL churches are horrible because there are some good churches out there with good leadership. All it does mean is that the leadership where the abuse happened of whatever church was never questioned about their behavior.
I definitely need to blog more on this subject.
Lee 4/5/18
Here what some of us have trubol with
God supost to be a good father
There be a song like that
God did Jesus Abba father
Abba mene sorta like daddy
But daddy be a bad werd 😞
How do we supost to think of God s a good daddy
When there be so meny bad daddys
Oh Mindy…..I have trouble with seeing God as “Daddy”, too….I have also heard people refer to God as “Papa” and I can tell they feel safe in saying it that way….Me? I feel “frozen” scared Inside…..So – when I can’t think of God as “Daddy”….I think of Him as GOD…..which covers everything…..
So many young parts may be scared to see Him as “Daddy”….but we do trust Him as GOD….(and just not think about the “Daddy” part)…..I have a part that feels especially safe with Him….Maybe you have part that can see Him as GOD and by-pass the “Daddy” angle…..We know that He sees and cares about scared, young parts – and He doesn’t get mad at them because they are scared….When our young parts are scared of Him – we just let the part who sees Him as GOD step up….she can stand there and not be afraid…….
MissyMing
03/30/20
For the adult readers. I do not believe in a gendered higher force. The bible, written by men, compiled by men, edited by men and presented by (mostly) men has chosen a framework based on the notion of a Father/Son/Holy Ghost trinity. While this is good for reaching the masses and helping them understand the concept of what it means to be human and live in light of a higher Self, it is really confusing to me. I choose to think of the spiritual self as a part of a greater well of Universal spiritual energy that is in everything.
Hi my friend Mindy. The bible says that God is everyone’s daddy. He is the most important daddy and He is good … very, very good. God is daddy to everyone even your daddy at home. But, God is the most powerful over any of the other people who call themselves daddy. The thing is, if we listen to our God daddy, everyone would be good and loving and helpful and would never do anything bad. But sometimes people do not listen to God daddy and they do bad things. That does not mean that God daddy is bad at all. It means that the other people who call themselves daddy, they are the bad ones. You know that Caden is a really, really, really good teacher right? She is called teacher. You probably also know that there are some teachers who are really, really, really not good teachers at all. But, they are called teacher as well. Because they are not good teachers does not mean that all teachers are bad. Just some.
ME+WE
04/02/20
Hi Me+we this be wendy.
We try to beleave what cadens husband and our talker lady say. Some pepol be bad pepol but not EVREYBODY be a bad pepol. And also some pepol make bad choices that hurt others. Our daddy he made bad choices. He do better now. But he did be messd up and the bad pepol did be messd up.
It be hard to imajine that there be good dads out there. It just doesnt make any sense. We no God cant be bad. He cant be mean. Some times it feels like he is thowe.but he cant be mean. But real daddys can be very mean.
Hi Wendy. This is your friend ME+WE. It can really be confusing and hard to trust that people can be good. I really hear that and understand. Bad people do bad things and that is not right or fair. But, there are good people out there too. I know that this is hard to believe and trust but I do know some really good people. I know you here and I believe you to be a good person. We have to remember that even good people make mistakes sometimes. So we have to be sure not to think everyone is bad because sometimes they make mistakes. I hope that you think that I am a good person. I sure do think that I am. But I do make mistakes sometimes. I take responsibility for my mistakes and I always try to make things better when I do goof up.
You know, God does not ever do anything to hurt people. Sometimes you may feel like that is what is happening but it is people and our bad behaviour that hurts others not God. You see God said, “I give you Jesus. He will show you how to live your life listening to God and what is the right thing to do.” But, God also said that it was up to us to choose that way. God was not going to do it for us. The sad thing is that lots of people do not follow the Godly way of doing things and other people get hurt. It is not God hurting people. It is people hurting people … often hurting good people and that is very sad.
I don’t know if this makes any sense to you Wendy. I sure do hope so just a little bit.
ME+WE
04/09/20
I guess it all depends on what you have faith in. If you look up the word faith in the dictionary it means trust. Trusting comes very hard for me and many others who live with DID. I don’t trust a higher power, nor do I believe in one. I guess I can’t see how an invisible being can be of any help to people here on planet earth. That’s my opinion and I would never say yours is invalid. Please, don’t tell me mine is invalid either.