Picturing the Healing Process for Dissociative Identity Disorder

This set of picture-postcards demonstrates a passage through time for a trauma survivor with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID / MPD).

These pictures show different phases of the dissociative healing process, and illustrate how healing occurs.  Notice that they move from a more shattered, painful, chaotic place to a calmer, structured, organized place.  Where there is originally nothing but a fragmented sense of self, there later becomes a clear sense of personal identity.

Phase One

The first picture-postcard has a mixture of colored pieces of all different shapes and sizes.  Some pieces are more jagged, some are rounded.  The mosaic nature of this design would automatically lead to many of the same questions as asked about the DID “Self Portrait” picture.  For example, I would ask what the different colors represented, what the different shapes represented, if there was communication (or not) between the different pieces, if the black stitching between the colored blocks had a specific meaning, etc.

For this top picture, there are two specific shapes that I would ask more questions about.  There is a definite triangle that points upward and spreads out down towards the bottom of the picture.  Triangles can have a variety of meanings, and I would like to hear what this DID artist had in mind.  The triangle also has layers to it.  Does this have anything to do with the internal system layering?

For example, in the triangle shape that I see, the top two layers are yellow, followed by a green / blue layer, followed by a black layer, followed by a red layer.  The placement of these colors could be purely metaphorical or accidental, but I could see this layering as representing important system functions and emotions.

A purely hypothetical system description could include the following ideas.  The yellow layers are the happy front parts – the façade layers, the denial parts, the “I’m fine, nothing is wrong here” type of system parts.  The blues and the greens could be parts of the system that know a lot of information, do a lot of the everyday work / functioning jobs of the system, etc. These parts know plenty of the historical trauma information but have to keep helping everyone manage life.  They can feel some emotions, but work hard to not get overwhelmed or overloaded with emotions.  The black layer could be a layer of depression, sadness, grief, anger, or amnesia, dissociated information, deeper internal controls, etc.  The red layer could be more intense amounts of pain, anger, fury, trauma information, details about the abuse, etc.

The second shape that could have particular relevance is the large black shape with the blue tip.  These pieces have an obvious phallic appearance to them.  I would ask the artist if they intended this to be the case (chances are, they hadn’t even noticed that!), and then I would ask them questions pertaining to sexual abuse issues.  If this symbol does specifically represent sexual abuse, it is clear how the abuse has been such a huge part of their lives.  Just like this black piece is, in some ways, the foundational piece of the whole picture, it might feel like the sexual abuse has been the defining issue in this person’s life.

I see a lot of pain in this picture.  The artist does not give the sense of happiness, of calmness peace of mind.  The jagged pointy edges remind me of cutting, and I would be asking a lot of questions about self-injury.

Phase Two

There has been clear movement from the first picture to the second.  Notice how the like colors are starting to get grouped closer together, creating a more cohesive look.  There is much more green in this picture, and while the real meaning of that depends on how the artist interprets the colors, to me, it represents a lot of growth.  I see a lot of progress being made in this picture.  The trauma survivor has clearly been working on their healing issues, and they have been doing a lot of dissociative system work.  Things are starting to come together for them.

In phase two, to me, the person is still feeling broken and dissociated, but she is not nearly as overwhelmed with the pain as before.  The blue can seen as representing the teamwork efforts being accomplished by the internal system.  There are still some missing chunks of time (as seen in the gaps of the blue), but the dissociative person is truly building good internal communication and has built solid connections between the internal parts. This dissociative person is starting to find herself, and she is building a sense of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-identity.  As a system, they are definitely doing good work!

There are still several big jagged sharp points, possibly indicating a lot of pain, upset, questions, intense feelings, etc.   The phallic shaped pieces in this picture are more obvious, which could be interpreted to mean that the DID artist is clearly addressing their sexual abuse issues.  This survivor is aware of the sexual abuse issues, and the healing their sexual abuse trauma is the center of their healing work.  While the trauma is still prominent, it is not overwhelming them as much as it used to.  They aren’t finished with their healing, but they are making excellent progress.  There is less black, and more brown, which feels to me like this person is becoming aware of more and more of the information related to their trauma.  They “aren’t in the dark” as much as they used to be and life is feeling much more hopeful.

Even with all the progress, I would still ask this survivor about their suicidal feelings.  The sharp points are very painful, and while the survivor may not be using self-injury behaviors as much, they may still have intense moments of suicidal ideation.  It appears they are building good coping skills, and not in as high risk of following through with these suicidal thoughts, but the feelings are still there from time to time.

Phase Three

This third picture represents the final stages of healing from dissociative identity disorder and sexual abuse.  It is hopeful, and shows how everything is coming together for this person.  Notice the strength of the center of the picture. All of the colors connect with the other colors and the ability to share information is accomplished easily.  Time loss, time distortion, memory gaps are not likely to be a problematic issue anymore.

The C appears to represents the host of the system, or the main “front” person, the leader of the system, or who the person wants to be as a whole.  Notice how the front is a whole self, and is clearly and firmly planted in front of any of the others.  This C person is now confident as the leader of her system, and presents well out in the external world.

The internal system behind the C is cooperative, quiet, calm, organized, peaceful, etc.  The ability to work together, and provide information to the front C self, seems abundantly clear.

I would ask this survivor if the colors still represent the same things as they did in the earlier pictures.  The meanings may or may not have changed at this point.

What I see is that the survivor is more aware of all the things she feels.  C doesn’t dissociate like she used to anymore.  For example, if the red still represents her pain or anger, C is aware of having those feelings, and she can acknowledge their existence, sitting with them, without letting them overtake her, or without having to dissociate them away.  C has built the ability to connect with her intense feelings, and this is an incredible accomplishment.   C might have times of dark depression or sadness, for example, but again, these moments do not overtake her ability to live her life as she wants it to be.

Notice that there is no obvious phallic shaped symbol in this picture-postcard.  The trauma issues are resolved in a much more quiet way, and while C knows about her past, the idea of being a sexual abuse survivor doesn’t have to be the center of her life anymore.  She has been able to resolve many of her trauma issues, and lay these to rest, moving on with her life.

The front of the C is facing the yellow and greens, indicating growth, progress, healing, movement, happiness, and enjoying life.  C is moving forward into better times!  The darkness and pain are more behind her  (the black, red and brown are towards the back of the C).  While life is probably never going to be perfect for this person, she is hopeful, and she is doing well.

The Moral of the Story

Will C create a fourth picture-postcard?

We’ll have to ask her!

The point of these wonderful hand-made picture postcards is obvious.  The healing process for dissociative identity disorders works.  It helps.  Trauma survivors lives can become better.  Healing does happen.  It takes a lot of work, and a lot of time, but you really can feel better, and have an improved quality of life.

Take the point from C – if she can do it, you can too!

Warmly,

Kathy

Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation

Related articles

• When the Painful Past is the Painful Present 
• Extinguishing Fear by Relaxing the Body 
• It’s Ok to be Unique – It’s Ok to be Plural 
• Inside, After – In the Head of a Dissociative Trauma Survivor 
• Feeling Split about Anger