Here is the next picture in the series about DID artwork.
Dual Mask
Even the title of this painting indicates Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID / MPD).
Masks are a common metaphor used by the dissociative survivor. In this picture, where are the masks? What are the masks covering? What does the “real” person, or the rest of the person look like? Where are the others in the system? Are they hiding behind the mask too? If there was no mask, what would we see?
The dual nature of the picture is strong and complex.
I’ve purposefully picked this picture to follow the blog previous picture, as a further example of the left vs. right split within many dissociative trauma survivors.
The most obvious element in this picture about dissociative disorders is how the person is divided into at least two distinctly different people. The left side of the face is different from the right side of the face. It might be that this person feels divided down the center into two different parts, or two different systems with different internal worlds. This visible division is an important issue to discuss with the artist.
The hairstyle, while similar, is not the same on each side. Besides the color difference, notice how the red side is curlier, wilder, appears to be longer, and comes closer to the front. The red hair covers more of the face, specifically blocking the right cheek, part of the right eye and the right edge of the mouth. System-wise, who wears the red hair, versus who owns the yellow? In the places where the colors are little mixed, what does that indicate?
The red hair seems a little more unruly or wild than the blond. Are the ones on the red side more angry? Do they feel more intensely? Do they feel more out of control? Are they in more pain? Yet, the red hair side is the one that covers more of the face, so does that side have more to hide? Do they have more secrets? Or does this side control what is or isn’t said?
When you look at this person, which side do you notice first? To me, the red-hair side seems to be more prominent. The colors are brighter, and the hair is bigger, and it is more forward than the yellow side. What is that about? Are these red system parts more visible than the other parts? Which side is more active than the other?
The yellow is still strong. What does it mean? How does it feel differently than the red?
Does the light red / pinkish-colored hair on the top of the head have any significance? It is a blending / mix of the blond and red? Does that color represent a unique system group? Are these parts that bridge the red and blond in some ways? Can they communicate with both sides? Who can do that?
Notice the two different eye colors, along with the two differently angled eyebrows. The blue eye is noticeably darker and heavier in appearance than the green eye. What do the two different colors represent? Who looks out the green eye, and who looks out the blue eye?
These eyes have the appearance of black eyes. Are these eyes indicators of having been beaten up? Has this person experienced a lot of physical violence? Have there been other kinds of violence? What violence has she seen?
There are big white spots in the center of both eyes. They may look like normal reflection spots, but examine that further. What do they indicate? In some ways, these spots make the person look dissociated, or staring, or in a trance-state. How does this relate to the artist-survivor? How often do they switch? How often do they feel ungrounded?
If you look closely, the eyes have color on the right edge, and the white is more on the left side of the pupil area. What does this indicate? Does the person see half of what happens, and dissociate the other half of what happens? Do some parts remember what they see, while others white it out? Who knows, versus who doesn’t know? Explore these ideas.
There is a blank emptiness to the eyes, and in some ways, the eyes show sadness. What is this about? What emotion do you see connected to the eyes? What feelings does the survivor have?
The nose, while drawn like a normal nose, has the shadow on the same side as the darker eye and the darker hair. Is this shadow simply artistic? Possibly so, but it is worth including in as an element of the discussion of the left side vs. right side differences.
Look at the mouth. A significant portion of the mouth is covered and hidden, indicating there may be secrets being kept. The lips appear to be pretty tightly closed – maybe even tense – indicating silence, or just not talking, and little appearance of feeling comfortable with speaking. What is this mouth not allowed to say? Why is the hair covering that side of the mouth? What does that side of the DID system know about that they aren’t talking about?
Notice the subtle line drawn horizontally across the base of the neck. What is the purpose of that line? Is it the neckline of a shirt? Is it an indication of being choked or other neck-related trauma? Is it another indicator of how the head get dissociated away from the body? So many DID trauma survivors separate their heads from their bodies, or feel disconnected from their bodies, to this line could be an indicator of that. Explore that more, in case it is.
The background behind the face is also divided into two different designs. What do the two different backgrounds represent? One side is purple with small black lines, and the other is black with purple curvy lines. What do these colors and designs represent? Are they indicative of trauma or intense feelings? Ask a variety of questions about these designs. They are telling a story. I don’t know this survivor, but the background indicates that there is good reason to ask this survivor about having experienced shock trauma.
What is the overall emotion and feeling you see when you look at this picture?
I see sadness, pain, some anger, a heaviness, and a lot of trauma.
This dissociative survivor very likely has a lot of abuse stories yet to talk about.
I wish her the best in her healing journey.
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful, expressive artwork.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2017 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
Reblogged this on Discussing Dissociation and commented:
The artwork featured in this March 2010 blog article is just so stunning that I’ve come back to look at this page time and time and time again throughout the years. I love the contrasting colors, and there is so much depth in what first appears to be simplicity. It’s wonderful! So today, I pick this article to reblog, not because of what I wrote, but because of the strength and beauty of this painting about Dissociative Identity Disorder. To the artist — THANK YOU for sharing your artwork. It’s truly beautiful. I wish you the best… Warmly, Kathy
Kathy, I’m re-reading this and getting some new understanding with what has transpired within. “It might be that this person feels divided down the center into two different parts, or two different systems with different internal worlds. ” I think that is true, really – 2 different systems… I’ve been noticing that (or being told?) it really isn’t that there are so many alters, but that there are the main alters, who then created their own…like a family tree. I think there is the overall one face mask, then there are the two sides, each with their own hirarchy of alters. There is the one side who fits in the “presentable world” the way the mom taught us to be – even when “acting out, behaving badly, being down, having anxiety” – it all had to be contained so no one else EVER knew in the out-side world. Then there is the other, more wild side that acts out internally – and rarely externally. The side that would injure, do dangerous things to push the envelope – all the things that they do when the parents aren’t around, or have no knowledge about. The hidden events. The fear of the wild/out of control self lives here in many various forms; from a little who is totally out of control to a 10 yr old protector/destroyer/ injurer, to a goth teen.
There are others, too, who do not fit within the mask. one even (used to at least, and still?) controls the mask. We are affraid to lift it… we don’t want to see under it… and yet we’re now in intensive group therapy and i think it is our turn tomorrow… tho maybe that other guy will go instead. I’m afraid to look further without the right containment. maybe it is all fear of the fear – but it feels like the fear is all-consuming and will crush us. do you think it might crush us?
Hello,
Thanks for talking to me. It’s very brave of you since I’m an outsider. But I do have some wonderful insiders that I take care of. I hope some day that you can believe that there are some good outsiders. My one little (insider) girl Sohia used to feel dirty all the time. I gave her lots and lots of baths. She’s finally starting to feel clean. Now she laughs all the time during bath time, especially because I bought her a little squirting dolphin toy for Christmas and now she totally drenches me with it. My wife and some of the other insiders want to tell her to stop. But I tell them not to yell at her because Sophia is happy now and that’s what’s important to me!
I didn’t use to understand insiders. If you ever want to follow my blog and see some of the happy times I have with “my girls” (my wife’s insiders) I hope you’ll join me. If not, I hope you know that there is one man in the world who understands insiders just a little and thinks that they are very delightful.
Blessings to you!!!!
no we’ve not nobody like that – we don’t let anyone near. our host puts out the “Stay away from me” energy so we can feel sorta safe and not have people around. dunno that we can believe that… is scary and confusing. even to hear nice words -like should we run? you prolly know.
got more clarity on the Dual Mask today from a mentor… that it is the internal forces pushing on the host internally without her knowing it. The dazed look is her when they slip in and there are actions that she doesn’t understand why she is doing them (like us buying toys or making her eat things she’s allergic to, or drinking things, or SI. She knows that she doesn’t want to do those things – but seems to have no control and doesn’t understand. the blond is the kids and the host and the kiyacat the red is the protectors, the angries, the SIers, the alcoholic, and {CENSOR} sorry…. yeah and him. no… he’s behind both. there’s more behind both. but in red is the teen and the goth. blond is the host striving for control of the 3-d world while she doesn’t understand why she has no control internally.
kiyacat,
do you have any outsiders that you trust to help you? Last year my wife’s first insider who came out would bite and hide. But between theophostics and me loving her through each episode now she never does. But now my wife’s defender is in the same position and I am helping her in the same way.
“but there shall be no healing here” Honey, I wish I could reach out across this internet and hold your insiders and tell them that it is OK, and they are safe now, and they are loved and that no one will hurt them. There is a man or woman that would do that for them. Maybe they can hold on to that hope until you find one. I didn’t understand insiders 2 years ago, but when they “crashed” into my life, I found them wonderfully delightful. I know it may be scary because my girls are always scared to let anyone know that they are there, but I hope they will let you try.
Blessings
you’re wife seems very lucky that you are there for her. you’re right – t does not understand that it is the insiders who have to deal with their own issues. we are having that problem currently – but T doesn’t get it =( sad too when they are a person’s main point of contact. Duh – I should have brought the picture and translation into her. I’m sure I thought about it initially, but it has skipped my mind ever since.
I told T i could sense an insider storm brewing. She was concerned, but not overly so. Tonight I finally reached out, when the storm was breaking over us, just like T said to. For all the good it did – she said that that is what the hospital is for – for those who feel out of control, they can be watched over. *shakes head sadly*. Now I am no longer feeling out of control, but disheartened. flat. no help. the storm was the unraveling of the protective bandages on the mask for healing. *deep healing*. the kind that lasts. but there shall be no healing here. 2.5 years and i finally get that. There is only “maintanience” on the mask.
kiyacat and nw,
“T won’t even work on trauma with me…” I know some therapists obviously do, but as I have helped my wife heal, I can do things that a therapist isn’t legally allowed to do because of ethics concerns. When my wife’s insiders “lock down” or “self injure” or become terrified many therapists would try to help the host which is NOT the source of the reactions. The insiders are the ones reacting so I deal with them. I gently hold them,caress their hair and face and say, “It’s ok honey. You are not alone anymore. You are safe now. You are a part of my family. Things are different now.” As I have done this repeatedly, the insiders are learning to get past these meltdowns.
I don’t see my wife when I’m dealing with her insiders. I see the insider and treat them just like I would any terrified little girl. And as I’ve done that, they have gotten through a lot of the past trauma. (but she also does theophostics and an internet forum, too)
N.W. myguess would be body memroies. sucks a lot. mabey this is not what you mean, but for me i get it with any talk of trauma, and sensation when some one says “i love you”, and emotions that come up in therapy… T won’t even work on trauma with me in therapy because she says i get into bad spots that she can’t help me out of =( the pain takes over and it scares us and we lock down. is that what it is like for you?
kiyacat
I hate having D.I.D., I think it is the worse thing in the world, I’ve been asking a question which no one seems to answer-when I feel any kind of emotion my whole body hurts with pain and I feel very sick with it, why and do you know how that goes away.
My wife is DID. In this I see a picture of my delightful “unexpected” daughter. The first insider to come out and adopt me as her Daddy. She would draw herself as a beautiful girl like this picture. And she loves pink. Anything pink. This insider is beautiful.
“Masks are a common metaphor used by the dissociative survivor. In this picture, where are the masks? What are the masks covering? What does the “real” person, or the rest of the person look like? Where are the others in the system? Are they hiding behind the mask too? If there was no mask, what would we see?”
The blonde is covering the “crazy”. it is our normal everyday “acceptable” mask. the red covers the rest. it is our “zany, chaotic, self” that everyone waits for and loves because it makes them laugh. and then it goes back to regular zoned out self. but neither betray the whole. and there is a little of each on both sides, depending. When I am around shy people, it is red who is present. around outgoing people, it is blond who is present. sometimes i have to be both when situations change at any moment.
some are not in the mask at all – they are never ever seen by anyone.
i am afraid of the last question.
Thanks Kathy
kiyacat
It is validating >^_^<
This whole "Imaging DID" series is. I'm glad you're doing it. I did have some issues at first – not so much with the images, but with the in-depth questions in each picture @_@ I often had to return to them later when I was safer to read them.
I do not know about all the stuff in the picture but
think it is a really pretty painting.
We haven’t been able to be a part too much of this series because images/visual data is so hard for us to process without being triggered. (lol don’t ask me why 😛 )
But this one really hit home for me. Looking at it is almost…. validating. If I had to explain how I see my “self portrait” in my head… this is sooo close to what I see. sorry. Don’t really know what to say.. except. wow.
Sally
It is a really cool picture, isn’t it?!!
And yes, sally, it’s hard to find images that aren’t toooo triggering. I’m certainly trying to be sensitive to that. I’m glad you were able to find some validation via this picture. 🙂
Warmly,
Kathy