Several people that have been reading Discussing Dissociation have made posts and comments about how enormously painful and difficult it is to lose a therapist.
There are several different ways to “lose a therapist” but for the purposes of this particular blog entry, I’d like to focus on situations where there was sudden loss.
In my years of experience, I have seen a variety of circumstances that have led to clients suddenly losing their therapist. When this happened during a long-term therapeutic relationship, the sudden loss is enormously difficult for dissociative trauma survivors.
DID survivors typically trust so few people, and there are usually very few people who are allowed to know the internal system in the way that the therapist gets to meet and know the insiders. It often takes months of regular, frequent sessions for DID survivors to start feeling the teensiest bits of trust with their therapist in the first place. It may also take years of time before some of the more vulnerable insiders experience any feelings of trust at all.
When you find a good therapist that you connect with, it’s usually pretty important to keep that therapist.
But what if something happens and you suddenly lose your therapist?
What if you lose your therapist due to
- An automobile wreck
- An assault of some kind
- An illness of some version
- An unexpected pregnancy issue
- A family member of the therapist is ill
- An unexpected “personal leave” of any kind
- An unexpected “medical leave” of any kind
- The family of your therapist has required a move to another location
In these situations, it is very difficult, but the adult parts of the survivor can often understand the need for their therapist to have stepped out of the office, even for an extended period of time. The loss is still there – and most of the internal system will likely still have enormous grief and struggles and emotional pain. The child parts and traumatized parts might blame themselves, but there will probably be someone in the system that can intellectually grasp that the sudden absence was related to an external issue, and not their fault.
But what about if you lose a therapist to one of these reasons:
- Your therapist terminates with you, even if that is not your preference
- Your therapist quits their job for any number of reasons
- Your therapist takes a new job and can’t take you with them
- Your spouse demands that you stop seeing your therapist
- Another person tells you that your therapist is “bad for you”
- Your therapist gets fired and can no longer work with you
- Your therapist decides they are no longer working with DID
What about situations where it is less externally based and more connected to you?
What does it do to the survivor to lose a therapist?
In my experience, when a DID survivor loses their therapist, especially when there is very little time for a termination or goodbye process, there is a huge emotional fall-out from the sudden loss. The therapeutic relationship is far too important to have a sudden ending, and the emotional overflow will be huge.
The DID survivor tends to:
- Act out their pain, anger, and fear in various forms of self-injury
- Be unable to move forward in other areas of healing
- Begin to either devalue or overly-pedestal the therapist (the love-hate response)
- Blame themselves or other insiders for the loss
- Cry, cry, and cry
- Experience internal system chaos, increased internal fighting, decreased internal cooperation
- Experience their internal landscapes and internal structures collapsing and the internal world may go dark, or feel unsafe and unfriendly
- Express an ongoing ambivalence towards the therapist
- Feel suicidal
- Go into a long, deep, dark, devastating depression
- Go into hiding – some of the internal parts may refuse to come back out
- Go numb – become more detached or dissociated
- Have a sudden regression in overall skills, abilities, and social interactions
- Have lots of dreams or nightmares about the therapist
- Hibernate within their own home, refusing to go out or interact with other people
- Lash out with inappropriate or excessive anger at innocent people
- Last out with inappropriate or excessive anger at the therapist
- Leave therapy, refusing to trust another therapist
- Lose hold of the positive gains they made with that therapist
- Pretend that the therapist never existed anyway
- Re-create history by remembering only the good events, making the therapist too perfect
- Re-create history by twisting events into something negative, taking comfort by believing the therapist was “a bad guy anyway”
- Refuse to truly leave the therapist alone (following from afar, maintaining contact, calling their phone, sending emails, etc)
- Spend a lot more time sitting, staring, spacing out, etc.
- Stay focused on the therapist, and their feelings about the therapist as their primary issue for an extended period of time
The termination process is as critical to the long-term health and well-being of the client as any other stage of therapy, if not more so. In fact, a very positive therapeutic relationship can become completely tainted and twisted if the termination process is not handled properly.
Cold-turkey terminations are dangerous.
I cannot stress that enough – sudden terminations are not good.!!
They are not helpful.
They are harmful and emotionally devastating for the clients, and they set up the therapists for future problems.
If your treasured therapist has to leave for any reason, take the time to have as many termination sessions as possible. The process of saying goodbye is complicated, but it is crucial to leave your therapist from a positive point of view.
Otherwise, you will experience an ongoing emotional fall-out that will extend much further into the future than you would expect.
If you want to learn more about Dissociative Identity Disorder, here are a few short, educational videos that will be helpful:
Copyright © 2008-2017 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
We lost our therapist of 3 1/2 years really unexpectedly in January because our Medicaid plan changed and the change was made retroactive for almost a year. The plan that had been paying our therapist took back the money from her for all the retroactive months and told her she had to bill the new plan for them. The new plan told her she was not contracted with them so they would not back-pay all those months of therapy nor pay for any more therapy with her. We found out all of this from the therapist’s billing people, and were told that we could not see her, or even talk to her on the phone, any more until we paid all of those bills that the Medicaid took back their payments for (thousandsof dollars). We couldn’t, and still can’t, afford to pay all that money and had to add those bills to a bankruptcy we had to file for lots of other medical bills that the change of the Medicaid plan screwed up the payments on. We called and left messages, and we emailed the therapist to try to get some kind of closure and ask for help finding another therapist experienced in treating DID, but she never answered any of our calls or emails. 😭😭😭😭
Totally abandoned!! Dropped like a bag of rotten garbage!
Hurt! Angry! Confused! Sad! LOST!!!
Since then we have been trying, unsuccessfully, to find another DID therapist (or at least someone who knows something about DID and how to help people with DID) who is in network with our Medicaid plan. No one! Not one therapist! So right now we are stuck (two months so far) seeing a new graduate intern who’s only experience in the mental health field is working in a drug detox clinic. We DON’T have drug abuse problems; never have had! We have been really struggling with severe depression and thoughts of not wanting to live any more (no plans or actions!), but NOT drug abuse!
Last week, when she found out that we are continuing to search for a therapist who has at least some experience with and understanding of DID, she threatened to drop us as a client, knowing we don’t have anyone else to help us at this very vulnerable point in our life! We have to have someone to talk to so we don’t give up on life all together!
It’s SO hard dealing with one very good therapist abandoning us for financial reasons; and now having another therapist threaten to abandon us just because we are continuing to try to find someone better for us while we are seeing her! We dont know what to do! So sad and hurting inside!
Thanks for reading this.
Circle (of MyCircleOfLife)
Circle of Life
We are so, so so sorry that happened. What an awful thing. We got dropped like a bag of garbage after 7 years with the same therapist. She just said she was done. We understand how you feel. We were suicidal and lots of very bad things happened after she dumped us. She had also promised up over and over that she would never do that, so it made it doubly painful.
We dont trust anytning anyone says because of what she did. Even all these years later.
Its putting our stomach in a big knot just thinking about it. We searched through 9 other therapists and it was a horrible process but we finally found someone worth the wait. Please please dont give up. Please keep trying to find someone.
Ghost kids says
Today we wanted so bad to talk to ex talker lady so bad.
We dream about her alot lately,
We looked up her picture online
It feel like her be a stranger AND somebody we use to know
At the time we thought we knew her well
But probably it was just all lies and therapy tricks
Just stuff her say to everybody to make them feel special when really you dont be nobody to her. She probably do tell everybody the same things.
We did fall for it. We feel so dumb.
Probably her didnt mean any of it but her did be glad we fell for her tricks.
We wonder if we really even knew her at all.
Probably not 😞
It do make us so so sad
We used to love her. It just did be a trick.
I know i wont ever hear anything back but i actually emailed her the other day to ask if we could please come see her. Im sure she had a good laugh. She probably doesnt even remember who we are. I would give anything to talk to her. Yes, i know its stupid. I just hope caden doesnt find out. She will call me an idiot.
Nice to talk with you again. Say, I do not think that you are an idiot at all. When a T is no longer in your life (for whatever reason) there is a big hole there. They have been a part of your deepest most secret stuff and …wow … that forms a real tight bond that is hard to get over. So don’t worry that you reached out to her. 😊
First time communicating here…
I lost my therapist. It was happening gradually. She told me she didn’t like working with DID people but then said she did. How unfair. I should have left right then, but couldn’t. She turned into a very mean person. I believe abusive. She treated me so badly outside of counseling. She wouldn’t communicate with me and hardly looked at me. Then our last session she snapped at me. Totally shut me down where I would not open up. That was the last time I saw her.
First counselor and horrible experience. It started well but ended very badly. She said she would never leave me. She said she loved and cared for me over and over. No communication about what I did wrong. She discovered I had DID. Only worked on it for a little over a year.
I don’t think I can go to another counselor. No trust. It’s only been a few months.
I’m grateful for this website. It has helped me a lot knowing I’m not out here by myself. Thank you.
OMGosh Sally. I am so sorry that you have such a horrible experience. I sure do understand why you would not want to try and trust another T. This is sure a great place to come to get some really solid information to help you with your work while you decide what to do. And, you have friends here who understand.
You know you can always book an appointment with Kathy and/or Laura to help you through a transition to a new T (if that is what you decide to do) or to hep you with your layers of feelings about what has happened. They are super busy at the moment with the P4 conference (are you attending BTW) but you could keep this is mind for the future.
Thank you for your reply. I actually asked the moderator to remove my post because it seemed like I was bashing my T. But, it’s what happened.
I am not going to be able to make the P4 conference. Sounds interesting though.
I have not ever met anyone with DID. Another reason your reply is so appreciated.
At the moment I’m going very slowly. I have an awesome husband who I can talk with and understands. (What a blessing)!
Again, thank you for communicating with me.
I am always happy to chat. I get busy sometimes and do not get here right away but I try and check in a few times a week. When I first became aware that I had DID (eight years ago ish) I went searching for help and came upon Kathy’s blog. That just made life so much easier for me because now I could read and hear why I was feeling the way that I was and experiencing the things that were going on in my life. And, I learned how to do my system work here and with my therapist. What a life changer.
Oh, and I had never met another DID person before I came here. What an incredible experience that has been to talk with people here who knew how my brain was working and the struggles that I was experiencing. It was especially great because I did not have to explain myself or feel self-conscious about what I was saying.
I am also on the DDCF forum (and briefly the DDEF) so I have expanded my network of DID folks to talk with. I went to the P4 (Zoom) last year and it was the first time that I ever talked with a DID person in real time — and saw all of their wonderful faces. I tell ya that was remarkable.
Hahaha … this is my usual long-winded approach to telling you that I know what it feels like to be talking with another DID person and that feels great at my end!
Oh, I did not think that you we’re bashing your T at all. Just telling like it is. And, some Ts do deserve criticism … I have some experiences there that I will not get into here. But ya … there are some epic failures with Ts out there. They are not all like Kathy and Laura unfortunately!
So glad to hear that you have such an awesome husband. It really makes a huge difference in doing your work and living life. My husband is awesome as well and does not mind me talking my stuff. I still really appreciate having a professional’s perspective and guidance. Oh, and there are some things that I just find too difficult to talk with my husband about.
Kindly address sudden death of one’s therapist…
OMGosh mis. I take it that this has just happened to you? I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. My therapist of eight years just retired this spring but I had a lot of time to process it and to say good bye. I would imagine that you and your inside folks must be in turmoil about the sudden loss. I have lost folks suddenly in my life and … wow … it is just numbing. The way that I chose to work through it was to find a way to say good bye after-the-fact and pay tribute to them as well. The tribute really became the good bye in many ways and was how I was able to process the loss. I do not know if this would work in this case but it is about setting the grief into positive action.
Hum … I sure do hope that you can find some professional help to guide you through this because it is a horrible blow to have to try and deal with. My caring thoughts and energy go out to you.
I realized something the other night. There is a tv show i like called SVU and one character had left the show without telling anyone. It was two detectives, and one left, no warning. Well after ten years, he reappeared.he had had NO contact with his partner. left her hanging for ten years. The other night, they were finally alone together, and he tried to say he was sorry. And she told him honestly how he was THE most important person in her life and he just LEFT. She was happy to see him but she was honest about how much it hurt her.
That got me thinking. If i were to come across our ex therapist, boy there are a few things I would want to say to her: (13 things since it has been 13 years since January 10, 2008.)
1. You were THE most important part of our life and you just dumped us like we meant nothing to you.
2. When you dump someone who has DID, you dont just dump that one person. You dumped Mae, ClAire, Tuck, etc…dozens of young kids who were talking to you. DOZENS.
3. What you did screwed up our life for over ten years. For the first year, Mae cried so hard. EVERY night— deep, racking sobs. For a year. That was not fair,
4. What you did made helped us lose our trust in EVERY person. That is not fair to people who are trustworthy. We have had to work our butt off for years to try to repair the damage you did.
5. What you did was NOT FAIR.
6. You should haver never repeatedly promised that you would never dump us. Because then you did. Do you see how that would take away our trust from every person who says stuff like that?
7. You really made a bad choice for how you dumped us. To have it come out of nowhere, and left us hanging having no idea what we did wrong, to cut off all communication, was WRONG. Isnt one of your oaths to do no harm??
8. Thank you, sorta, for what you did. Yes it led to immense pain. However it eventually led us to the therapist we have now, who is the BEST of the best and actually knows what she is doing,
9. You always wanted us to learn from you. You know what we learned from you? How NOT to treat people.
10. I hope you dont ever do that to another client, because that was a really awful thing to do. It makes you look like a real jerk.
11. You know all that stuff you taught us? For many years the things you tried to teach us became replAced by fear, guilt, shame, anger, and a broken heart,
12. We may miss you our entire lives. We will always have a special place in our heart, especially for Tuck and Mae and Missy.
13. Its way past time to let you go and move on. So we are. I know its trickier for the small kids to do, but i am washing my hands of you as off today and working as hard as I can to get the kids to forget you and move on. You dont deserve space in our brain anymore. I hope we dont think about you anymore. I hope we dont dream about you anymore. I hope we dont see anything that reminds us of you anymore . Because we are learning to leave the past behind… and that includes you, SW.
Bye from Caden
Some thing different. I had another bad dream about her last night. Her was mad at us because we didnt take our pain medicine and couldnt walk so we fell down and it made her mad. So her wouldnt talk to us. When her finally did say hello we ask her if her ever missed us after her dump us. And her just roll her eyes. So we new her didnt. It made me so sd. Because her didnt care. Probally real life also her didnt care. When we waked up I didnt cry. Not at all. It make my heart sad but I did be a big girl and no stupid teers.
It be improved to try to forget her. I wish we stop the dreams
We want to please stop having the bad dreams about her 😕
We try in our dreams to get her to talk to us
And her ignore us
And her yell at us
We dont never be able to get to her
And her always know we need to talk to her but her wont.
We been having these bad dreams for 13 years
We be afraid we going to have them forever
Every time we have one of them dreams we wake up so sad
And we stay sad all day
Because it make our heart hurt so much
We wish we knew what we did 😕
I dont have DID but I found this article when trying to research if theres a way to legally contact my therapist. It’s been a month since mine vanished over night. I got a voicemail from the receptionist saying she didn’t work there anymore and I had been assigned to some other person. I can’t believe how ,any of the things listed I’ve experienced in the last few weeks. It feels like this article was written about me minus the DID stuff. They won’t let me talk to her or say goodbye and they said she is not allowed to even say hi to me for two years. My emotions have taken me for a ride often through grief, anger, revenge, grief, anger, etc. My therapist blocked me on all the social media platforms and blocked my phone number because I tried very hard to talk to her. I couldn’t care less about Comprehensive Mental Health of Ellensburg, Washington rules, fuck them, but I don’t want her to get in trouble if I did manage to find her in public someday. How can i get around their bullshit rules? Thanks
Sean I a, so sorry about that. How devastating! We get very afraid that will happen to us also. I am so sorry it actually happened to you. I dont have any advice, just sympathy.
We still be so afraid of losing our talker lady
What if some thing bad happen to her?
Today be the 13 th aniversrey of when our old talker lady dump us
Caden say to try to think of it as the day we got set free from being stuck in old ways
And then we got the opertunety to move on to new things
Her say cuz some pepol only be in your life for a season not forever
So we be trying hard to think of that and not how much we miss her
We hope the pepol we have in our life right now be here forever tho
We be so tired of losing pepol we love the most
We didn’t think we could move past our Karen retirement. If opened up new learning and growth for us. I hope this will happen for you guys also .
I’m sorry the T is ill. This must also be scary. Had You known or suspected the T was ill?
Our T had cancelled our last appt as unwell but we never expected he wouldn’t come back & we’d never see him ever again. We are scared & very very sad.
We hope he will be ok cause he deserves good health & happiness. We’ll never know though.
Don’t know if we want to see another T but don’t know if we’ll manage without one.
Thanks for your reply.
Lisa answered instead of me
Our T of 23 years has suddenly ceased work permanently due to ill health. Our internal community are shattered. Don’t know how we going to do this.
Christine. I’m sorry to hear you going through this. It not easy. I will say this. Our first one we had for. 25 years. It was so hard when she retired. The second one we didn’t think would every be good enough. She proved us wrong. She was more then good enough. She was fantastic. Now she is retired also. The third one we have not made up our minds about yet.
Each one of these therapists have been the right therapist for the right stage we were at. The thing is we never thought we could open up even more.
The first thought is trust and self worth. The second thought is to stand our ground and dig down deep and listen to our needs. Well this third one I think it’s going to be more independence from therapy. So we can do less and learn to cope without needing a secondary opinion when all of the head mates are not getting a long.
The one thing all three agree on. Each of them have set the foundation work so we could move to the next stage.
I hope you take the leap of fate. Say good bye to the old and welcome a new. Give yourselves permission to be sad or angry she’s leaving.
Why is it so dangerous to quit cold turkey? I quit therapy with the same therapist for 4 years because she was going to another company that didn’t take my insurance. I knew it was coming. When she finally told me I cancelled our next (last) 2 sessions. We did talk on the phone briefly at one point. I told her I appreciated everything she did for me but I knew 2 more sessions were going to do anything but make me grieve her more.
She offered to find me a new therapist but I don’t want to start over. I can’t do it. And there are too many bad therapists out there and I’m in a fragile state of mind. The wrong therapist could send me over the edge.
Sooner or later it ends. You may as well get used to it sooner. The longer you hold on the more you’ll grieve.
Hello, Christine…just want you to know that we are hearing you….it must be unbelievably hard to pour out so much and then to have them leave you…..sure – for a reason beyond anyone’s control – but leaving you nonetheless…..We have not experienced loss of a therapist like that – but we HAVE shared some things with someone and then watched them back away and distance themselves……
The loss was intensely felt….loss of “friendship”, confusion and loss of ability to trust again, fear and shame about having made yourself so vulnerable, feeling “stuck” because you have no idea of what direction to go – do you dare try again?…Or just completely give up?….Do you work on your walls again that maintain silence, distance, denial?…..
There is so much turmoil with loss like that….mine was hard enough….losing the one who was “supposed” to help you must be beyond what words can describe…..We are here to listen to you…to hear you as you sort through all the emotional chaos….we “get” chaos…..We hope things indeed work out well for you and you are able to find another…and have the courage to “try” again…..just keep going forward….even if it is only a fraction of a step at a time….Our best wishes for you….
After 4 years my therapist is leaving for another practice and they don’t take my insurance. I’m beyond devastated and can’t stop crying about it. She says she will help me find another therapist. I don’t want another therapist. And even if I did, what then? They leave after a year, year and a half and I’m back to therapist shopping.
We’re supposed to be doing termination sessions but I don’t even want to do them. I just want to be done. I understand her reasons for leaving but that doesn’t make my pain any less. I’ve told her things I will NEVER tell another person so what’s the point of a new therapist when I would be lying by omission anyhow?
Right before the holidays and I’m without a therapist. Only time will tell if I make it through them.
I am losing my therapist of four years. She has gone onto another company which doesn’t take my insurance. Four years of pouring my heart out to her for 1-2 hours a week. I don’t want to start over. I’ve told her things I would never mention again. I’m terrified I will become suicidal over this loss. I’ve already experience so much loss in the last 5 years that this feels like it’s piled on a big mountain of disappointment and abandonment.
Live United says
Our time will be ending soon with ours. It will be hard . Easier than most though. We have been seeing her cochair for three years on a monthly basis. So we have a good set up with her already. Darcy style is different than Belinda . However most of us have already formed a bond with her. Darcy is even going to attend via zoom, Kathy conference in Phoenix. Now that I think about it I should attend the conference via zoom also. On the 27th of August is the last day to see Belinda. What a great way to start off a more consistent working relationship with Darcy if we attend the same conference together on the 28-30. Or maybe we’ll be just to sad to Focus.
Anyway . What was I was going to say. I think having a second Therapist is helpful. We are going to do the same thing once Belinda is retired Darcy and I will find a second therapist for back up purposes. she already Has someone in mind that might work. So We will just have to keep an open mind.
Is a thought that just pop in my head. Will a day come, so we can retire from therapy. We have retired 2 therapist now.
We are profoundly sad.
Just reading this article made me ache. I was about to leave to travel 2000 miles to tell a family member some difficult news. My therapist told me three days before I left that she wanted me to see someone else that She felt was better for me. I totally shut down. Eventually I felt apart and yelled “couldn’t you have waited until after I got back?!?!?” While I was away, COVID quarantine started. I had one final teletherapy with my therapist and tried starting with the new. My world feels shattered. All I really feel for this new recommended therapist is hate. It is absolutely awful. One of my parts just feels so much anger towards this new therapist. It is difficult to deal with.
So many Mos says
I understand how you feel. My T did something similar w/ me. It hurts so much when you’ve let someone get to know you and your parts, someone you trusted, just leaves. It’s very hard to start w/ a new T, to trust again, it feels impossible. It’s like going into mourning. Try to remember the new T hasn’t done anything bad to you, talk to the new T about how you feel with this change.
It does hurt so deeply, I’m sorry you are going through this! I had to take everything my old T gave me and put it all away in a box, it hurt me too much to see those reminders. My parts have all gone back into hiding for now, some were so furious w/ the T who left me. I don’t know if they will be able to trust again. Do what is in your best interest, to make your life better, that’s the only thing that matters.
Sorry for your pain!
Tracey when our old talker lady dumped us we hated all the new pepol to. And we dont ever hate nobody. But we hated the new talker pepol we tried. And we wuoldnt talk or wuoldnt coperate and lots of mean inside kids came out to be mean. Because all we wanted was our real talker ladt
It took 2 years but we finaly found a REAL talker lady that did be worth wating for.
It made all the bad talker pepol we had to go thru worth it
But it took a long time to find her
Shirley Davis says
I know I miss mine too. I cried this morning in fact. It’s going to be okay for both of us. In the meantime we’re listening
I dremd abot her agan las nite 😞
I saw her tokng to pepl and her saw me and her put her rm arond me jus like her usd to
Her smild 🙂
But then i woke up cryng
I nevr get to tok to her evn in my drems
I want to tell her GET OT OF MY HED
I dont want her ther no mor
But i need her rite now
I wish i can get ovr be afrad of luzing efrebude
I owas afrade pepl i love gona tell me to go awa
I be geting ovr sharin but i dont be geting ovr being so afrad
I owas be trifyd of not get to see the pepl i love evr agan
I ows be afrad of pepl say to me them dont wnt to be arond me any more
Oh, Mae….I know that feeling is hard to get through…to just “set aside” and to try NOT to “feel” it…..I battle the same thing – basically watching and waiting for people to reject me…It is very conflicting – I don’t want to see it – but I wish they would just hurry up and get it over with so I am not stuck in the “waiting”…..It is agony on the heart…..
I have flashes of situations (that my brain doesn’t understand) that carry that same type of “fear”……so I know that the feeling is connected to a “part”…..I still don’t know what to do with it yet either….but I am hanging in there trying to make myself remember that a “part” carries it and it is actually based in the past – not necessarily actually in the present…..
Just wanted you to know that I get what you are saying….abandonment is HARD….Several years ago I had a flash while at work….I had thrown a piece of trash into a big dumpster. The big truck had recently emptied it and in the very bottom I saw a cup that had 3 ants in it….I suddenly bottomed out – fighting deep hysteria in my “gut”. All I could feel was that those 3 ants were “lost and trapped”….NO way out….NO way to find how to get back home….they would NEVER see their “family” again…..It hit me SO HARD I had to text my T to try to stay steady so i could continue work…….
I have NO memory of anything like that….but the “feeling” was VERY real….AND intense…..I am very aware that that “feeling” is still there somewhere and can trigger….I keep working on my journey – hoping to find a way to help that “part” – whoever it is…..
Our heart is with you, Mae….you are not alone – you have all of us here…..
I wish I could just forgive her. Ex-therapist. All these years later and I can’t forgive. i keep trying. I keep praying. But my heart wont do it. Its been 12 years. I should be long, long over it. She doesnt think of me. She didnt think of me while we were seeing her, anyway.i dont want the whole rest of my life with thoughts of her. I dont want her taking up space in my heart or mind. I wish I could just evict her but i dont know how. I feel really stupid. 12 years ago this week I couldn’t wait to get back to her office and tell her i was finally changing, i was finally going to be different. I knew i was. Then i went in her office and got dumped. Its not safe to look forward to things. Its not safe to trust people. Especially adults. I wish i could let this go.
So many Mos says
My T is being investigated b/c of me and how harshly she terminated, dual relationship… It breaks my heart, my parts have slid totally backwards. I don’t trust my new T & new Ts worry I think same may happen, but I might be wrong. I want her back but can’t communicate. Thought she really cared but not in the end. I am heart broken and shut down. All the things Kathy listed are true. I dunno what to do. I’m so sad.
Live United says
This will s so heart Breaking that you feel nobody likes you! It’s tough being alone can you make friends with the others inside maybe you won’t be feeling so lonely.