It’s Thanksgiving weekend here in the US, and besides the wonderful traditional family meal and pleasant times with my kids, this time frame reminds me of something else.
Discussing Dissociation has been up and visible for nearly one year now. Yep, in a few days, it will be a year already!
Wow. Where has the time gone??!!!
There is truth to the saying that time flies, or is it because time flies when you’re having fun … or maybe I’m just getting older, lol.
Anyway, I’m being silly, but I do want to say today how much I appreciate all of you that have been readers here at this blog.
The number of faithful, returning readers has been utterly amazing to me. If you look back through all the pages, you’ll see well over a thousand excellent comments from a wide variety of the readers. Wow! The input you all have made in this blog has brought it to life and given it a life-filled energy that I certainly couldn’t create on my own.
For the way each and every one of you have contributed to the positive, educational nature of this blog, I sincerely thank you. I truly appreciate your involvement, your thoughts, your comments, your questions. You’ve helped to make this little site a safe, comfortable community for dissociative trauma survivors. I think it’s a job well done, and once again, I do sincerely thank you for your part in this process. Writing a blog wouldn’t be nearly so fun without hearing comments from the readers! You all rock!
Many of you have questioned why I started this blog in the first place. The original reason is not as mysterious or worrisome as some of you may have thought. It’s a widely stated and highly recommended common practice for therapists to use blogs for marketing purposes. Marketing experts recommend to write what you know about, and to respond to the comments you receive. Blogs get quickly listed in search engines, and they are an easy, economical way for your target audience to get to know you, and to see what you do, and to become more familiar with the work that you do. It’s a simple as that. Check the blogosphere for blogs by therapists. You’ll see that most therapists write about their fields of work the same as I do.
I just happen to know about a very specialized topic – Dissociative Identity Disorder. And my readers are a very distinct but wonderful population – dissociative trauma survivors or trauma therapists. (There aren’t very many of us out here — it’s no wonder that we are congregating together!) And yes, practically all of my blog articles have been very specific to DID, not that the topics couldn’t also apply to other populations, but the point of this blog is to “discuss dissociation” so I do tailor my articles to being about Dissociative Disorders, and the DID population. There’s no mystery there, lol. I think I’ve said that pretty upfront.
But something much bigger has been happening besides my having found a very effective marketing tool.
With all the positive sharing and support that has been created here, this blog has provided a deep sense of hope and healing for so many people. Having that absolute knowing that others are progressing along their healing journey as well, many survivors don’t have to feel so very alone. You might learn things from my articles, but you can also learn from each other, the same as I learn from you as well. It’s a wonderful circle of positive, helpful information, and that in itself is priceless.
Building a sense of safety, knowing you are not alone in your struggles, and learning from others who have been there too provide emotional foundations that so very crucial to healing and can augment your therapeutic process. Please remember, this blog is in no means a substitute for actual therapy, but it does provide a lot of educational support for survivors working on their own healing, or for therapists learning about working DID / MPD.
Again, you all have immensely helped to create that healing, informative atmosphere, and I am grateful for that.
We have to create and protect places of healing.
Even survivor-led blogs such as the truly incredible BTC blog have become targets for destruction by the “hazing / flaming / insaniacs” of the world. Do we really want the haters and gossipers to take over and ruin all the places of healing and support? How sad is this?!!
I know that you know there are predators and perpetrators out there in the world.
For some of you, your abuse stopped years ago.
For some of you, you are still smack dab in the middle of fighting your abusers. Some of you are being hassled and manipulated by internet predators (whether you know it or not), and some of you are safely away from any direct attack from anyone. No matter where you are in your life, there are abusers and predators out there in the world, (including those wolves in sheep’s clothing hiding within the dissociative population itself), so the importance of having safe retreats amongst all the danger and destruction is more important than you might realize.
Those of you that feel the loss of BTC’s blog can understand what I’m talking about. It’s a real shame that abusive people continue to ruin the good places and run off the good people. I think that is a tragedy. But it happens.
- Are you one that sits back quietly, doing nothing even though you see others destroying places of support?
- Do you believe the lies and negative gossip spread about helpers and healers?
- Are you so angry from your own abuse that you are willing to take that out on people who have helped you?
Surely the survivor population can see through the manipulations of abusers. You are adults now – you can start seeing through the tricks that are being played out there. Please remember to think for yourself the next time you hear some negative hogwash about someone who has dared to be a helper / healer. You can take a stand against that.
Complacency only allows abuse to continue.
Trauma survivors, I encourage you to ban together in protection of your valued and positive healing resources.
So many of you grew up without any safety or comfort or support. You learned to pull deep within yourself or to block out the world entirely. You survived it alone.
But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore.
Most of you are still learning about how important and helpful it is to have places of safe connection, genuine relationship, and gentle bonding. It may be scary to be around people, but building a positive, healing, trustworthy community is a way of overcoming the need to be isolated in order to avoid abuse.
Again, I challenge you to protect your places of healing. Protect those that are your helpers. Stand firm around your leaders that fight against abuse.
Don’t fall into the trap of complacency or destructive participation.
Your healing resources are depending on that.
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
Thank you Kathy for being brave 🙂 We have such a hard time understanding how people can listen to our past and not be disgusted/terried/shut down/in denial etc… sometimes we think that yes we lived through it… but the people that want to help us have a choice… to listen and help and support and encourage… or to go about their life and ‘stay away from the scary stuff’ and not have to deal with what we went through too… sometimes we feel guilty for talking about the scary stuff with people that honestly care because we don’t want to scare/hurt/traumatize/upset them with what they hear.
sorry lol rambling.
But you’re standing up for us … all of us and saying we’re here and we’re not crazy and we do matter and it’s okay for people to care about us. Thank you 🙂
We know we don’t know you very well, but sometimes after reading some of your blogs we want to give you a hug. lol
All of us
Well said on all points.
I’m thankful for you & the things you write & the safe places you’ve created also, Kathy. I’m also thankful for the people I’ve met here as well as at SF.
As you’ve noted, finding a safe place is rare. As someone who grew up alone, and is still alone more often than not, once I find a safe place, I want to keep it that way and am willing to fight to keep it so. On my blog and forum, I have to work every day to keep it safe– that’s just part of having something the on the internet with a worldwide access, I guess. Part of the package, as it were. The negative of it is that you make yourself vulnerable and open to attack… the positive of it is that you can have so much of an impact on many more people and can reach more places than you ever dreamed possible. Its something that you just have to weigh the pros and cons, ya know? I’ve sometimes considered shutting my places down because of the spammers/ hate mail/ haters. But thankfully, I get 100x the love BACK– and 100x the support mail, the “thank you” notes, and things like that.
Hopefully your reward is greater than your risks as well 🙂
And yah…all you haters… go get a life!
Caroline
I am thankful too. I visit everyday. I find your posts really supportive and informing. Thankyou for reassuring me the other time. I was worried I wasn’t welcome here, it’s something I am struggling with ingeneral. I even think my therapist wants to get rid of me. So I projected that on to this site.
The site gives me more confidence and trust in my own experiences and reality as I can hear that other people have the same struggles. I love reading peoples comments too.
THANK YOU! I’ve struggled to find the right blog for my daughter and I. She recently was diagnosed with DID. She’s having a difficult time understanding why this is happening to her. She remembers nothing traumatic in her life. I’ve learned everything from the little ones within her. As a mother fighting for her child…THANK YOU EVERYONE who is willing to share their stories. I have found comfort for her here and show her she’s not alone in the world.
BLESS YOU ALL!!
It is perhaps nicely ironic that the worst offenders on BTC’s blog were people who thought the blogger was a therapist, and became very needy when their comments were not approved or responded to immediately.
Hi David,
Nice to hear from you again.
I have written and re-written several responses to your comment…. As I just said above, I really don’t know any of the details about anything from the BTC blog, but what tiny bits I am coming to understand about it all is reminding me of the big huge discussion we had here in this blog about protecting therapeutic resources. (Not saying BTC was a therapist – just saying the BTC blog was / is a definite resource in the healing of trauma, the complications of DID therapy, and therapeutic relationships, etc.)
It’s hard work to find the balance between giving and taking – and especially when other trauma dynamics come into play (ie: feelings of abandonment, feelings of being taken advantage of, etc.) Yep, its such a very difficult and complicated task to balance and keep everyone in that “ok” place. And people’s feelings get hurt easily.
Relationships are just really complicated, aren’t they?!
Blogging relationships are no different. We have our own complicated set of rules and boundaries and limits in these relationships, too. It’s not easy anywhere.
I hope you are doing well.
Kathy
Hi,
I enjoyed reading BTCs blog. I was, however, personally attacked there for disagreeing with a post. That is something that does not happen on this blog. I feel as if I can state my opinion and not be crucified.
As to David’s comment,
BTC did hint at being a therapist, which was confusing when I found out that was not the case. There were things up on the blog that lead me to believe that, and when I asked outright, my question was sidetracked.
Reading this post made me wonder if it was directed at me. I remember when the blog ended, but I can’t remember all of the circumstances surrounding it. I felt like things were left with a lot of loose ends and it was very confusing and frustrating for me.
I hope it wasn’t me. I really had/have no intention of causing problems for others who are trying to find their way through this difficult disorder.
I went through the darkest part of my adult life between January 13th of this year (the day I rememebered) and about April 1st (when I began to find my way back to reality.) I barely survived, and I mean that literally. I was closer to the edge of ending it all than I have been since I was ten and I jumped off the roof of my parents’ house. I am not putting this up as an excuse, but I can tell you that I was indeed very needy, constantly searching for someone who would “save” me, and so far down inside myself that it was difficult to know the consequences of my words or actions.
So, if it was me, if that is who you are referring to, I’m deeply sorry.
If I’m just being paranoid, well… it wouldn’t be the first time.
…and this is going to bother me indefinitely.
I have noticed that my comments are posted here but not responded to directly by Kathy, so I add this piece of information to my list of “it was probably me”s and wonder if you are holding a grudge against me that you haven’t told me about.
shenison,
Thanks for your comments.
And just to be really really clear, no – I was certainly not directing my comments to anyone in specific at all, and certainly not towards you.
I don’t even know what happened over at the BTC blog. I don’t know who was writing what, or who was saying what – I know no details. I took my info from the visible info written on her archive itself, but I was in no way referencing you specifically, or anyone else for that matter. I’m quite sure I’ve got less info about all that than you all do. I have a hard enough time keeping up with my own blog to really be caught up on what happens on other people’s blogs, lol. 🙂
So no, I certainly have no grudges against you. I have absolutely no reason to have any grudges against you. I really don’t know what has happened for you at other blogs, and you’ve not said or done anything here to cause harm, so… Things with me and you are totally ok.
I used to respond to all posts that were written here, and then it just became too big of a task to keep up with every single comment. But I absolutely read every word of every comment, and I respond to as many as I can, and sometimes, when I have extra time, I go back and write to ones that I’ve missed, even if it is much later. I do appreciate every comment that comes in here.
I think I’ll write more about all that in a separate comment or post or something. Maybe I need to clarify all that with everyone.
Anyway – what happened here is here, and really, that’s all I know about. 🙂
Kathy
Kathy,
thank you so much for responding. It has been eating me up all morning, worrying about this. I know that I had a lot of pain in the first half of this year, and it would not surprise me if I spread that around to others. I really don’t want to do that and I sincerely hope that if BTC has had an issue with me that they will contact me so we can talk about it. I am in a much more rational place now and would love a chance to apologize if that is needed. I don’t remember much of what was said on that blog anymore. Honestly, that was a very confusing and difficult time for me and my memory of the early part of 2009 is mostly about things that happened over forty years ago and not what was happening in the real world at that time.
So – I was being a little paranoid as far as your concerned. Thank you for letting me know that. I love your blog and would have felt terrible if I found out I was only being tolerated here, or was a nuicance or something.
Now I can get on with my day!
love and peace,
S
PS, I notice the link to my blog doesn’t show up here…
here it is, if you’re interested:
http://reunitedselves.blogspot.com/
Dudes…..like am I trippin or is it SNOWING on this blog?????
WTF????
:-O
😉
???
If I am trippin, well, its kinda COOL, so its OK.
🙂
I was a pretty close follower of BTC and I thought
it was pretty clearly stated that BTC was not a
therapist….but that is just how I understood it.
As for this blog LOVE IT! And glad that you have
this information here and when you tweet links
back here, it always helps to remind me of
important things to go back and read
Thanks for all that you do.
your blog is snowing!
-swarm
It’s SNOWING!!!
LOL– Well — THAT’s a surprise, LOL (I had to go check. I usually stay on the admin pages, so I hadn’t even realized it was doing that!) But last year at this time, I think I did have it set to “snow” on the blog… I guess it just returned on its own, 🙂
BUT – its very fitting, because this morning, here in Dallas Texas, there was snow on the ground – a very rare thing around here, so I think its very cool that my blog decided to snow too. ha ha ha.
And to all the Aussies struggling in the blistering heat, maybe you can stop by here to cool down for awhile. 🙂
How funny.
this is so so so cool I have only seen snow once and it was so cool!!!!! I am loving the snow
That snow was not there earlier today!
i like the snow its pretty as long as it stays on your blog and stays away from dallas because part of the reason i moved to texas was to get away from that nasty stuff. ick. i’m ready for spring now.
m.
happy blog-O-verserry kathey we are all very glad we met you and we are glad you are nicse to rite all this stuff evein missy i think. you no what else you need at the top of your blog is a big pitre of somthing pretty at the top like bears or tigers or catapillers that wuld be fun TUCK
Merry Christmas Kathy!!
Merry Christmas to everyboddy!!!! 🙂
*<{ 🙂
Ones
Hmmm, that was S’POSED to be a santa…but it turned into a smiley…oh well!!!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year…to all who are sad…this is a place to come for support and to know you are never alone.
Merry Xmas – so nice to hear from people still this site has been so quiet over the xmas time.
Wonder where that Kathy is???
Where she gone???
I’m still here!
And here to wish everyone the best in 2010 — I hope it is a great year for everyone, and a better year than 2009 was for you, no matter what kind of year 2009 was – having a better 2010 will be good!
I have been away during the holiday season, but I do hope to get more posts and comments here again soon.
THANKS to those of you that have been here all year long — and here’s hoping that the coming year will be one of great healing, deeper peace, and more solidity for each of you.
Kathy
Okay, so yeah, spent hours sorting through a big mess of stuff because of that ripple effect.
But and this is BIG, it would not have been necessary if a few bad apples hadn’t polluted the survivor community in the past. What they don’t seem to realize is that the potential for their harm does NOT just vanish. This is the internet. The stuff that doesn’t vanish, is here forever. THAT stuff has potential for harm. THAT stuff hurt ME today and that’s not okay. If folks can’t conceptualize the fact that the internet is forever, then they need to stay off. And at the very least they need to leave helping communities alone because you’re either with us or you’re not. The impressions and words one leaves can hurt today, one year, two years however many out. That is the reality of the internet footprint.
That’s something everyone needs to understand before they go charging in to any community because it matters now and it will matter tomorrow. Be real, be honest and if you can’t do those things then be quiet.
We can stop perpetuating abuse. It’s all about personal choice. I wish a few folks had considered that when they left their mark last year. I’ll bet they never considered it might hurt someone today. It did and I’m strong enough to deal with it all, but I didn’t need the very real stress and fear. It’s not okay.
JP
Hi Everyone –
Thank you for reading. I hope you are doing well.
I noticed that the Discussing Dissociation blog passed another milestone recently — there are over 2000 comments posted on this blog! That’s a lot of comments! Some of them are mine, of course, but still…. most of them have come from you all.
So THANK YOU for coming to read at this blog. THANK YOU for your active participation and your interest and your feedback and your thoughts. The comments you all have added to this blog have enhanced it greatly and I want you to know that I truly appreciate that.
I wish you the best —
Kathy
HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all the Canadian readers and bloggers!
I hope that you are having a great day, and that you are thinking of many good things that you have to celebrate and appreciate this year.
Thank YOU for participating with Discussing Dissociation, and I wish you all the very best in your healing journeys.
Warmly,
Kathy