It’s Halloween weekend.
This is a difficult, heavy weekend for a lot of dissociative trauma survivors.
I’ll say right upfront – and please hear this clearly — that it is NOT a difficult or triggery weekend for every DID trauma survivor. To assume that every dissociative survivor has experienced the same kinds of abuse is completely wrong, and I will be the first trauma therapist to say that not everyone has gone through the dark sadistic abuses associated with the days most commonly known as Halloween.
If you can enjoy the fun sides of Halloween – bags of candy, apple-bobbing parties, carving pumpkins, or trick or treating in silly costumes — that is great news for you. Halloween is a non-abusive, non-holiday, safe-on-the-surface level social event for most people. For these folks, it is not intended to be anything more traumatic than seeing the pretense of gross plastic items stocked in the party aisles of a store. For the more courageous and daring, they will spend $20 at the locally created “Haunted House” – something quickly assembled much like a traveling carnival booth.
But for some dissociative trauma survivors, these days surrounding Halloween are very dark, and very scary, and filled with deep historical meaning. There are far too many triggers everywhere, and the hidden, layered symbols feel anything but safe.
For anyone who has experienced the horrors of organized ritual abuse, the days surrounding Halloween are very truly difficult. The nights are worse. The heaviness, the darkness, the pulls toward things not comfortable feels very disturbing and over-powering.
Many survivors feel scattered or disorganized within their system. Or they might feel like the internal dark ones are enveloping or surrounding them. Or they feel pulled to gory pictures, or negative thoughts, or self-injury. Images of gorging on food, or death and violence, or various sexual abuses might flood their mind. These snippets can be indicators of memory flashbacks, or pulls to participate in current day nightmares.
Even if you went there in the past, you don’t have to go there anymore.
Even if your insiders are remembering their past, remembering then is not the same as being there now.
DID survivors with an RA history might not feel like their usual selves during the time around Halloween. They might feel like isolating from their safe support people, and feel more drawn towards their abusers. They might feel pulls to go out, or to go to some unknown somewhere…
However, on days like this, staying home – literally staying indoors and refusing to leave the safety of your home – is often the very best thing you can do. Reassure your insiders that they do not have to participate in anything scary, and that they are allowed to be safe. They do not have to be hurt anymore. They do not have to be handed over to danger.
They can stay home in the safety of your home.
It might be a battle.
If you been ritually abused, it probably will be a battle.
You might have parts in your system who have experienced unspeakable horrors during this week of time. But the more you can protect them from ongoing abuse, and gently comfort them in regards to their past abuse, the better.
The days surrounding Halloween can be some of the most difficult, triggery days of the year.
However, I encourage you to use this time to get to know those parts of your system that have managed this for you. Listen to them, and let them tell you some of their life experiences. They will need the opportunity to heal from their trauma history as well. And yes, it will be very hard for you to hear their life stories, but they have the same right to begin having safety, comforts, healing, and protection just like the rest of you.
Even if you feel afraid – don’t leave your most traumatized parts stuck in their abuse because you are too afraid to work with them.
Even if you feel horrified – don’t turn your back on helping these parts simply because you are horrified about what they had to go through.
Ignoring their pain, or refusing to teach them about the lighter sides of life means that they are left neglected and stuck in the darkness.
That’s not okay.
They need your help, even if that is not how they are first saying it.
Be brave. Allow your whole system to heal and to experience safety. Don’t leave any of your insiders stuck in the darkness. It is not their fault they were abused in the darkness. They are there because they were forced to be there. It’s not their fault they were split off in that dark place. But they originally came from you, so they belong to you. Don’t let the darkness keep those parts, not even one of them. They need you and your help to get them out of that darkness.
They need you to have enough courage and willingness and compassion to allow them the same chance at healing that you are having.
So be kind to your insiders. Be willing to help the ones that have experienced the worst of the worst. Let everyone within your system find freedom – healing – safety – gentleness – acceptance.
Help them find the way out.
I wish you the best in your healing journey. And please…. let ALL the people in your system be safe, comforted, and protected this halloween.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2020 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
We keep telling ourself we be safe we be safe we be safe we be safe. there is just 1 more day to get thru again. We keep saying the bad people dont really be watching us no more. That they wont know if we tell on them.that we dont got to follow their old bad rules. We say it over and over.
All of october we feel like we are so heavy. Like we are being suffocated. Its so loud inside that we can hardly hear each other yell. The tornados are right over head all the time. All october we have been flooded with big feelings and inside changes and memories. It have been very very overwhelming. Plus the grown ups got big crazy work stuff going on. And we got really sick for a few weeks.
We are staying in our house this weekend and dont have even went out the door. And the doors are locked. To keep the bad people out. We been trying hard to help everyone inside. We have been trying to fix all the stuff that the tornados broke.
We are so glad theres just 1 more day of halloween stuff. But the inside stuff that been going on wont go away just because october is over. We be kinda overwhelmed with all we have to deal with that has been brought up this month.it feels like a whole new fight. But it will help some some to have the spooky halloween stuff and the bad halloween memories out of our face. we are tired out. i hope how i said all that makes sense.
Hello nobudythacounta
We never looked outside on Halloween unless we were called up. then outside body got big. The outside Lori would never dress the outside kids in scary stuff either. So it made us feel a little safer for a little while. Until the outside kids would have to be home and go to bed. when the outside Norman was alive some of the other would be called to the woods. He is dead now now we just have a inside Norman and we are learning we don’t have to listen to him or anything Kathy and Darcy is trying to make him not to be so scary. Maybe that can happen for you too. that maybe a little at a time
You can see fun stuff also happen on Halloween.
yes . . . 🤐
There dont be no part of haloween that be fun or good or cute
We dont want to see any costums not evin cute littol kids
We dont want to here about it
We dont want to think about it
It be 3 bad things. Time channje and foll moon and haloween
We got inside kids cry and screme
Now the days gona be dark erlyer to
It all be going into the black of winter
😶
we had the worst halloween when kathy was grown up. some bad people did bad things to us at her job. we were really really scared and cried lots. we were kinda traped there. but some one came and got us out. we dont have to go back to that bad place ever again. those bad people are not very nice at all. we really really hate halloween. but we like candy and sometimes we see kids come and get it at are house if they dont have cary mask on. mr b keeps us safe all the time.
you are a really smart lady and really nice. thank you very much.
gentle thoughts to all tonight.
I think a lot of these comments were from last year or some previous time but its halloween night 2018 as we are writing this now in usa.
masks are terrifying to us. hearing people talk from behind a mask especially a male voice is even more so. adults in costumes scares us even if they are not scary costumes. but especially if they are scary ones with violence or gore or anything like that. or worst is like a bag type mask over the face. so much better now that we don’t live where we used to anymore, where there was a huge super huge halloween parade and grown freaking adults being scary all day long no matter where you went and on all forms of public transit. tonight we had a bowl of candy out saying take one or two and its gone within an hour. probably from one or two kids. whatever. don’t care. can’t face opening the door all night long. glad we have a loud dog. outside lights r off now and we are done with halloween at 7:15pm. I really freaking hate this day. a lot. go home people in scary costumes. please go home now. please go away from our house.
onli 1 mor da to dat bad da. it be on wensda. r big ladi reba
an r therpi ladi sas dem bad pepol dont no war we r no mor an de no can hert us no mor an de no can mak us do bad stuf no mor. but we r stil reli scard. dem bad pepol teld us dat we gota di if we dont go bak to dem for halowen serimoni. reba an helpr sed dem bad pepol li to us an we dont gota di. us kids hop helpr an reba r rit cuz we dont wana di.
frum ala us kids
Hi MyCircleOfLife kids,
WOW … I hear that it is really scary right now. I think that your big ladi reba and your therpi ladi are very, very smart and are telling you the truth. You can believe them and know that they will help protect you. No bad people are going to find you and hurt you. No, no, no … no one gets hurt. You have a big group of friends here that will help you too. When you are scared, you can come here and your friends here will send tons of protective energy and (((hugs))) if you like hugs.
Some friends to keep you company …
🐶🐵🦁🐭🐹🐰🐼
ME+WE
10/30/18
My brothers and I all pleaded with our mom to not make us go back to the babysitter’s house. The old man was supposedly not there – but his wife lied to my mom – he was there. 2 years of abuse that my brothers and I don’t remember – at least they remembered the length of time we spent there. All I remembered for the longest time was “waking up” while I was walking down the stairs and staring at the life size witch halloween decoration at the bottom of the stairs.
So, couldn’t read the article yet – saw the images. But, I am very happy to be able to share this in a comment. 🙂
Oh, I did eventually tell my mom we were abused at that house. One day a co-worker of hers told her that his kids are always begging him to not to take them to their grandma’s house. So my mom pleaded with him to not take his kids back there. I hope he listened and maybe his kids were hopefully spared more abuse… I hope.
Befriending these dark parts, parts of us who carry memories, amnesia walls breaking down within…tough journey. Definitely shaken with it this year. Thank you for this, Kathy.
29/10/18
we dont no wy this halowen be wersr then uvr yers?
Hi Pilgrim,
Sending you (((hugs))) and some friends to help you through this scary time.
🦄🐱🐰🐹🐭🐼🐵
ME+WE
10/28/18
Pilgrim,
I am with you and everyone who reads this is here for you. Please stay safe and be as gentle and kind to all of you.
It’s ok not to understand why this year is harder… you guys just hang in there a bit longer. Try to find a safe place inside and out and surrounding yourselves with comfort items.
This has also been a more difficult year but I’m to systematic to process the what,where, hows, and whys…
I just have to be gentle with myself.
Pilgrim keep talking… all of you….
I’m sending all my positive thoughts and wishes your way. Storms can’t last forever the rays of the sun will push those storm clouds away.
10/28/18
I suspect there is more crime on Halloween among certain groups (SRA & MC-USA). The two events that I link a date to are Easter (Christ harvesting) and Harvest festival (more harvesting). Maybe the Easter event is part of why Spring is the worst time for me. If others have more information on Easter and Harvest festival in this context I would appreciate hearing it. Corroboration is helpful to me. Because all the abuse was borne by the other alters, it seems strange and distant, and it’s me mostly who has to fix everything and keep going.
Stay strong, keep going, and be kind to yourselves.
Hi Fieldmouse,
I did not experience SRA so I am not talking from the perspective of one who has gone through this. Hopefully others will respond with personal knowledge of the issue that you have presented here. But, my take on what you have said is – yes I can see the “harvest” festivals being prime target dates for SRA. Let’s face it, the folks who abused you needed little excuse to do so. Any significant event during the year could be twisted to their heinous purpose and these two dates certainly rank up there as significant focal points during the year that could be used for evil. Maybe ask your insiders who has knowledge of abuse related to these dates. Ultimately it is all within you. Trust your instincts.
Wishing you strength, courage and ultimate peace.
ME+WE
10/27/18
I/We HATE HALLOWEEN!
1 more day 🙁
Halloween itself is tomorrow and already there’s so much physical pain and fear. I’m working hard on reminding everyone that the bad things aren’t happening anymore, that it;s different now. The physical pain makes it really confusing though. It makes it much harder to stay in the here and now. It gets difficult to distinguish between reality and fantasy, I hate this so much. I want Halloween to be over already.
This is our first halloween since some of our dissociative walls broke down. It’s complete chaos inside, everyone is terrified. Feel like im re-living it and so hard to stay present and not in flashback. Body memories are extreme too! Thanks for your article, it helps make some sense of the chaos and how to help my others
we made it thru october but it dont stop inside, it plays over and over and over again in our heads an we gotta hurt us like they hurt us so we can finally say out loud, LEAVE US ALONE and we can run away an make it never happened. we can never yell or scream somedays i try to go out side way away an scream but no sound comes out.
Jeep: I wrote this to someone else recently: Trust your intuition, but consider these approaches: Love the little ones who were hurt and are afraid. Promise, when you are able, to listen and not judge. I believe when you listen to the destructive ones, they won’t need to be so destructive. Have compassion. Each has an important part of reality to share. Ask your Inner Self Helper for guidance. Blessings to you.
We hate halowen
We gona be so glad when it be over
Reblogged this on Discussing Dissociation and commented:
For those dissociative trauma survivors struggling with the serious side of Halloween…
Insist on your safety this weekend, and battle to stay far far away from anyone that may want to hurt you.
Don’t go there. Decide to be in a calm and gentle place of your own preference, not in a scary, abusive, or traumatic environment.
Protect yourself and your insiders by finding something else to focus on in your day, evening, and weekend.
Safety first!
Ther to mene masc an to mene bad pepol
We dont slep
Ther be 1 mor wek to go
In sid it be a mes
We be vere lonle
We hate holowen
stuped holiday 🙁 stuped bad pepol 🙁 we do just be very allone 🙁
we hate this hole month!!!! its a stuped month!!! it needs to be over!!! we do be so allone and evrething is bad picshers and bad pepol and bad things get werser in octiober!!! nobody no whats hapening and its to hard!! pepol dont no how bad the bad pepol can be it dont be fun to ware costums and masks and do all those bad things 🙁 holoween is BAD BAD BAD
it dont ever stop 🙁
pilgrimchild, I am so sad that you have had a difficult month. I find Halloweeen a little triggery but just because some of my abuse happened during the night and I was awakened with bad things happening so night time is periodically difficult. And people trying to scare me at night is not ok. It was tough being a mom on Halloween night when my sons were little. It is easier now but not easy. So I can sympathise. Your triggering seems much more intense than mine, so I do hope you can stay home tomorrow and nurture your inner littles and give them a safe and good day.
Maybe some cartoon movies and some comfort foods and an early night? Be safe, be careful, be kind to yourself.
Mo
we havent slept in 30 nites
to meny nite mares
we do be so tierd and worn out
scatterd be a good werd for it and lots of yeling
we ned a breke and cant wait for november to get here we just got to wait a few more days then it gona be here rite now we do be hateing arselfs so mutsh cos this month just be offul
but we got to just wait til monday then it be goen
we just be so worn out
we went through all the RA and suppressed all memories of the grotesque abuse and brainwashing and demonic activity. it has been so awful. for us all holidays and good things were sadistically ruined for us on purpose by the evil abusers. it was a long time before i recognized why i felt suicidal every birthday. like others, halloween was really horrifying – all through the month oppression built up until i was strung out as tight as piano wire and extremely hypervigilant. we saw and participated in the depths of depravity (i won’t get descriptive). over the years we have slowly gotten back some of our freedom. we do NOT like holidays, even Christmas and Resurrection Sunday which have such spiritual meaning for us.
i tried to be positive in this post cos things aren’t as awful as in the past, but we suffer on every holiday and struggle with migraines and illnesses from the stress of the times. i hate that i hate days of celebration – i feel like a grinch, but it isn’t my/our fault. they purposefully destroyed all innocent pleasures and celebrations. i’m so sick of being the family “party pooper”. i used to get severe pain/headaches and illnesses at holidays and then guilt over being no fun.
my T is inching us toward allowing ourselves to feel our feelings and we fought this harder than anything else. we were so afraid we will do something aweful if we feel the pain, shame and rage. we’d rather die than be like them. there’s so much programming in our mind and this lockdown of our feelings has been the strongest of strongholds -holding us back from regaining our humanity. they were so cunningly creative in tangling us up in traps and mind-games and double-binds (no wins). i know i’m writing a really long post, but it keeps tripping me up and making my dicey home situation worse as i come across illogically – reinforcing my husband in logical and unloving belief that he is the one with the strong, healthy mind and i am the flakey, inconsistent loser who needs to just get on with life and forget my sucky childhood.
we have a place inside that absolutely stops us from letting go our horrific emotions – we dread breaking down and crying or yelling in front of anyone. i have no words dreadful enough to express how imprisoned we are in a place of hellish feelings and absolute fear of “releasing” these feelings. i have to get past this horror of my own feelings and identity as a woman. we have held this set of emotions above all other issues and it could be a fake trap where we would not find an apocalypse but merely a very painful area inside where we feel utterly shamed, hopeless, angry, bereft and abandoned. in my mind it is like asking us to strip off all clothes and go parading around in a crowd of people – naked and scorned and utterly alone forever.
does it make sense to you? i don’t want to be verbose, but i just keep trying to explain the inexplicable. if i can’t grasp this demonic horror of revealing me openly, then how can i expect you to grasp it??? free me, someone free me from the metaphorical ropes that are rubbing my soul blood raw and torturing every alt, fragment or element of our systems.
somehow we are still here, maybe God is getting close to leading us to a place of peace and quiet dignity. i’m so tired of the damn drama.
leslie/deborah
ps i sure wish i could have helped my inside family sooner, better. i’ve learned that they are me, i am them and all have tried to help us – no matter what they actually did. i love and respect them, they are heroes of all ages and stages, gifts and talents. they are a gift from God and without them i would not have survived. i refuse to ever deny them again. they are me and i am them and we have a future together.
ditto what Gator said 🙁
sorry i was away. lot of stuff going on. my therapist is going on maternity leave..soon. real sad. don’t know what to do about it. thanks for the birthday wishes..it was good.
Although I do not have any problems with Halloween your posting really spoke to me in terms of not turning your back on your “parts”. This is something that is very difficult for me. Whenever a little part is triggered or unhappy I am very guilty of turning my back on them, ignoring them, belittling them, not listening to their needs, basically doing everything that my abusers did to me. This is so difficult for me because I do not want this to be true. Sometimes things are really quiet inside and I starting thinking maybe this isn’t my problem. Maybe I was making this all up, there are no other parts just me. Then things get so “loud” inside and I feel like I am going crazy, and I can’t deny the truth. How do you work past the fear in order to accept the other parts of yourself and begin working with them? I guess everyone goes through this during the beginning of the “real” parts work. Thank you Kathy for all of your postings. They have been a wonderful resource for me.
Gator
It could also be for some survivors that Halloween isn’t about having events happen at this time, but rather just triggers around the “spookiness” of the day. Young parts may not appreciate the costumes, the hidden faces, etc. I think it’s very important to know that if you do have a reaction to Halloween it doesn’t necessarily translate that you have an RA/SRA abuse history.
Good point, Paul.
Well said.
Hi 🙂 and thanks for posting. 🙂
Kathy
thank you for this.
September and October are my MOST difficult and triggering months.
November 1st is ALWAYS SUCH A RELIEF. YEA for November 1st and YEA for the relief!!! And thanks for people like you, Kathy, that understand for those who struggle and don’t yet understand.
Thank you for your article on ritual abuse. More information on ritual abuse is at ritualabuse(dot)us
Ditto what Gobbies said about survivors guilt.
littlestsurvivor…Happy Birthday. I’m glad you were born.
Halloween is a real mixed bag for us. We have worked hard to reclaim the fun parts of halloween. We can dress up, and look at the decorations.. this year we even went to a haunted house (designed for kids, but still…). We have learned how to put most of the triggers to the side- they still affect us profoundly but we can choose to put the effects in a box and deal with them later so we can enjoy the fun things right now.
But, eventually we have to look at the memories… And some memories and fears get through no matter what. We had a few bad memories this year, and also there was a white van that kept driving by while the kids were trick or treating and that was a HUGE trigger. Really freaked us out.
The hardest part of hallowen for us I think is survivor guilt. This is a time of death, and we feel guilty that we survived and others didn’t. And we feel guilty that while we are safe and protected, countless other children are being tortured or even killed and we can’t do anything about it. That kills us.
Gobbies
today was my birthday….
littlestsurvivor –
happy belated bday – I hope your day was good, and not filled full of anything but nice moments..
It’s good to see you again – 🙂
Kathy
ppol do bad things on holowen rilly bad
Halloween was very difficult for me for years, but not because of RA. Just the general scariness and people in black robes, especially. Probably because of the association with priests in cassocks. But also because it is at night. I hated taking my kids trick or treating because I got scared. But my husband always came too and held my hand. I felt like more of a kid than my actual kids. Anyway, just wanted to share that Halloween can be difficult for lots of reasons. The candy is good though! 🙂
Hello Kathy,
I wish you’d had this blog when I was going through the worst of things years ago. This is just the kind of reminder we need during the dark days. Thank you.
I remember the phone calls, the restlessness, the compulsion to go out at all hours and start driving and driving, never certain where or with whom I would end up. The triggers were everywhere, sight, sound, smell…everywhere…
I just want to chime in as well and let others who may still be trapped there know that you can get out and you can be safe. There are paths down which they cannot follow you, no matter what they say. The more you seek the light the less valuable you become to them. Become your own compass, and there will be a point beyond which they cannot reach you, and you will be free. Hold on long enough to get there, and I promise you will not be sorry.
Be safe,
Winter’s Keeper
I hate Halloween & the whole month of October is a challenge from October 1st on so I’m really glad today is the last day. Its been hard the past few days but its almost over with, just one more night to get through.
Tonight after dinner my husband and I went for a walk and my heart was pounding so hard. It was dark and there were Halloween decorations up and shadows of people out trick or treating. It brought back a lot of bad memories. But inside we kept saying “It’ll be okay” and reminding ourselves its just kids outside, and my husband kept reminding us we were safe. That helped a little bit but we were still glad to get the walk over with. But going outside for a walk on Halloween was a pretty big step. The rest of the night we have been inside watching a movie about a butterfly which was pretty calming. Can’t wait til all the horrible masks, costumes, skeletons, and scary faces are gone. Tomorrow… just have to hold on til tomorrow.
As always, you post interesting topics. I don’t comment much but as I was preparing to shut down my computer, I happened here and I have to say that I’ve been taken by surprise! Though I was “groomed” for 3 years to be the subject of a horrid ritual in which there were costumes of the serious kind (no plastic ghouls with eyeballs dangling off to the side), I have never associated it with Halloween. In fact, I never considered it until I read this post. Man, where have I been?
Anyway, what happened to me was after Halloween and right about the time before Thanksgiving. Still, I only have a small bit of trouble with Thanksgiving. Interesting, that I never associated it with Halloween. I will have to think about this…