Hello, hello….
How are you? Ā Are you struggling today?
I’ve been thinking about you, and have some kind thoughts to pass your way.
To those of you whoĀ have been having a very difficult day today ā
I am sorry that you are hurting so much.
I can hear the wrestling with some difficult emotions, and painful options, and the pulls toward self-harm.
Please know that you can fight that.
You donāt have to do anything dangerous.
You donāt have to hurt yourself.
You donāt have to do anything harmful to yourself.
Ā
You donāt have to go to places where you get hurt.
You donāt have to go to places where your insiders get hurt.
You donāt have to go to places where someone else wants you to hurt.
Ā
You donāt have to give yourself to something that is dark and harmful.
You donāt have to go where you get stripped naked.
Ā
Find someone safe.Ā
There really are safe people out there.
Stay by them.Ā Stay with them.Ā Stay near them.
Ā
Learn about protecting yourself, and your insiders.
You can be safe from all that hurt, you really can.
Ā
Ā
Ā
Ā
I want you to know and remember that there are kind helping people
who understand why you are having such a difficult time today.
You are not alone in your struggle today.
Iām not going to explain much out here on this public blog ā I know that far too many of you will already know what I mean.
But yes, you can get help and support and understandingā¦
From gentle people who will not strip you naked.
You can be who you want to be.
You can be who you decide that you are.
You donāt have to be who they say that you are.
You can be who you say you are.
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright Ā© 2008-2021 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
Am am printing these words out. Will be posting them on the refrigerator, so when Norm gets his water, it will be a reminder. I hope!
I’m slowly very slowly trying to be nice to him.
“You donāt have to do anything dangerous.
You donāt have to hurt yourself.
You donāt have to do anything harmful to yourself.
Ā
Quoted from Kathy’s article\blog
“You donāt have to go to places where you get hurt.
You donāt have to go to places where your insiders get hurt.
You donāt have to go to places where someone else wants you to hurt.
Ā
You donāt have to give yourself to something that is dark and harmful.
You donāt have to go where you get stripped naked.
Ā
Find someone safe.Ā
There really are safe people out there.
Stay by them.Ā Stay with them.Ā Stay near them.
Ā
Learn about protecting yourself, and your insiders.
You can be safe from all that hurt, you really can.
I want you to know and remember that there are kind helping people
who understand why you are having such a difficult time today.
You are not alone in your struggle today.
But yes, you can get help and support and understandingā¦
From gentle people who will not strip you naked.
You can be who you want to be.
You can be who you decide that you are.
You donāt have to be who they say that you are.
You can be who you say you are.”
Ā These words will be very helpful as we move forward to the end of our 20… 20… 20. Threats that were placed on us. That we will be snatch up
Because today’s date is 10/6/20. We are learning this could be part of all the mind control tactics.
yes…we also keep searching for ways to “feel” safe….”brain” saying it is safe seems to keep bouncing off Inside…we are working hard to learn to keep Inside safe as well as Outside…learning to not be afraid of our Insiders…to be brave and hear them whether “brain” understands them or not….we are here agreeing that you make it through your “20…20…20″….That you find special people in person who can be there for you…who understand….sometimes you need “in person”, too ….but either way – we are here to hear you!….
MC is tough….but we think you are tougher!…..
MissyMing
thank you
this be a hard week. are daddy be in the hospital. he be doing bad. he in lots of pain. it make all of us feel real sick. we so worryd.it make us think lots of sad things, we dont want aneything to happen to him. we be real scard.
Hi Rachel,
I am so, so sorry to hear about your daddy being so sick. That is sure scary. Do you have any big people inside that can help you? Maybe you have a safe place that you can go to so you do not have to see what is happening. When my daddy was sick, I asked my little ones to go to their sunshine tent and wait for me there. My little one Squirrel would pop out and come to the hospital with me. So, we put her stuffed dog Little Odie in my purse and she could reach in any time and pat Odie when she was feeling scared. Maybe you can ask your big person for a stuffed animal to take with you too.
If you want a hug, I am sure happy to give you one.
ME+WE
06/13/18
he still in the hospitol
he send us pictures from his serjery
he have to have another serjery tomorow because he dont be healing
he call us on the phone when he gets bored so we been talking to him lots this week.
that makes some of us crazy and mixed up inside
when we fly out to visit are mom said probly her will need are help to take care of him
he had to quit his job
he is not happy he is going crazy in then hospitol he is very very big and the medisin that should help dont be helping.
we very mixed up about all this
but we dnt want him to be hurting
Hi Rachel,
Oh my ā¦ really, really scary and upsetting stuff. I hear that there is a lot of mix up going on inside. That can be super scary too. Hum ā¦ and you talk to daddy on the telephone and maybe will have to go to where he is to help. That must sure feel like a lot of big things to have to do and think about. I sure hope that the inside and outside big folks are helping to keep everyone feeling safe and loved.
I am sending you lots of warm and caring energy and hugs (if you like hugs and are okay with them).
Your friend,
ME+WE
06/16/18
I am so sorry so many are hurting when they are posting here!! Wish I could be a safe person for all to give safe hugs if ok, and cook all kinds of your special favorite foods! I’m not having an easy time right now, but have hope that there will be another side to it, as I have a few f2f people who are safe, supportive and nurturing. They help me/us feel safe enough to grow up, even when today is such a painful hard day with endless tears and anxiety.
We’ll all make it through if we just don’t give up. Giving up is the only real victory for the bad people. I am not gonna let the bad people win today in our life!!
Gentle hugs and lots of support balloons for any who want them!
Thanks Kathy for the encouragement and support here! And Claire too!
Perfect timing! ?
Hang on Stormy as I too am riding the storms this week as well and I know we are bigger and stronger than the storms. It will stop !!!
In the midst of the storm, it’s easy to say. Easy because you aren’t in it. The storm is here and all we can do is fight to hang on.
It’s the middle of the storm and the streets are empty. We feel alone. All the world is escaping around us, and no one to hear our screaming.
Even if they did.. the storm that surrounds us keeps us isolated. No man… no one will risk the storm as it is. Sometimes it’s better to keep their own selves and family safe.
So we stay isolated… and no answers.
This is our life p, Kathy. It will be no more than this.
Right now, we are in the middle of one storm…. and if we make it through to another day then, ok. If not.., then we will have become another whom have been snatched up by its fury,
This is not a good day here. I need to read this. I dont like bad days.
From Shelly
This is hard to read. I know its meant to be encouraging.
I wish we could find someone safe. I wish we had someone to talk to. I wish there was somewhere we could go to get away from the hard stuff. I feel so alone. I am so tired of being an outcast.
Who i want to be is someone who can act grown up, and pretty, and who has a best friend, and does normal girl things like go to the mall and do her makeup with her friends, i still dont even know how to put makeup on. I wish there was someone to teach me. Who i want to be is skinny and pretty and nice and gentle. And not so many bad things whirling around inside her all day and acting crazy and little inside kids popping out all the time. I want to college and be a journalist and travel around the country writing news stories,. I want to just be NORMAL. I want to talk, and laugh, and feel like a good person.
It’s been really hard for us these past few months. First we had a recurrence of some medical problems.. then an extremely close friend of our 3 ‘safe people’ passed… then this past sunday night the mom of one of our ‘safe people’ passed… the bad guys always said we and anyone we trusted would die if we trusted anyone. We are super scared and don’t want anymore bad stuff to happen š we just want to run away and hide forever and ever … the safe people say that the bad guys can’t do what they said they would but it still gets scary everytime š we feel like we are the badness magnet for everyone we know š we want hugs and cuddles and rockabyes and be safe and sleep sally feels sad and hurting and we just want to be safe š our safe people said we are safe but we not sure. there is badness everywhere and sally says something not badness has to happen soon right š but we dont want be alone no more.
lots and lots and lots of us š š š š š
we dusent lik de hurt it meen an scery an sad an uhlon hurt but sumtyms we lik preten get saf gentul hugs an kisses an cuddels an feel speshul an good an luved we lik feel safe but not now how to all de tym we dus got saf persuns now dey gud saf nis persuns š but dey far away rit now cus bodi lady sayd we had tu go somwer to be saf but den wunday we get giv de saf gud pursuns reel saf huguls an cuddels agen so we lik preten it culd be now š
sum ov de littel wuns
I have been having a hard time recently and my T went on vacation. I asked her to record some affirmations for me about safety. I listen to them every night. It helps a lot. The best part is at the beginning when she says, “Mona, this is just for you.” It is amazing to me that someone could do something so nice for me. Pilgrimchild, you deserve something nice too. Maybe your T or someone you trust could record all of the affirmations in this post. Kathy, is there a way you could record an audio of them and attach it to this page or youtube it? Just a thought.
but there doesnt be anywone in the middloe of the night,nwoere safe and nobody safe
God i want to believe this post. i read it 3 times. i am trying to get its words in my head to block out the other voices in my head thate are all saying the opposite and i dont know who to believe
I understand. My family didn’t love me like that either, so it has been hard to love myself. I did a better job loving my sons, but maybe just not better enough. I tried to give them what I didn’t have: a loving, safe, nurturing, supportive home. It’s amazing that we can give others what we did not get ourselves; we have the power to make a positive difference.
But being a trauma survivor means I have a hard time giving to myself what I didn’t get, and believing that I deserve it just as much as my own children. Sometimes I get so tired of being sad, but I am glad to have this place to come to and people like you to talk to. š
Take care..
am trying but our family didn’t love us like that. wouldn’t hurt like you hurt. it’s just different.
wish i could make it ALL better.
love,
katie
Katie, don’t even think that. You deserve to be here as much as Malcolm did. I would not wish your family and friends to go through the pain of losing you, even if it meant having Malcolm back. I could not knowingly cause that kind of pain.
Again, Katie, you deserve to be here, you are a good and sensitive person. You deserve to have good things in your life. Be kind to your little selves, cherish your inner children as you wish you had been cherished.
Mona
Mona,
we cry for you. not very good girl at all. saw your own blog though and thought, how? how could she see any goodness in us? wish we could trade with your son so you could have him back.
lkatieb
katie,
You were’nt bad…then or now. You are a good girl.
You have to be logged in. I think there is an option to stay logged in if you are on your own computer.
If on a public system, its best to log in each time.
You were not bad.
Its OK here IMHO.
Take care
Ones
got very scared as it looked like the words got erased. can’t see them unless logged in. is this a flaw or a direct reflection of something gone wrong? were we bad?
help.
katie
have been reading this all the way through. saw this and got a chill. know what it means but have no proof and never did. hanging upside down we see. threes are hard too but again no real understanding why, no proof, only a guess and a new T who doesn’t understand but is trying hard. VA system is free but nobody does this work there.
wish to tell her more but fear too much has already been said.
don’t know whether to scream or thank you so will be nice,
Thank You.
da bad peepul see us wen we sleep we not alowd sleep so bad peepul not see us we not evur sleep agan cuz bad peepul find us in sleep š
lysie
Hiding feels good but we don’t like the isolation. Sometimes when we trust someone and they are good and safe and love us if they tell us we’re good and safe and are nice to us we get angry at them because they’re not suposed to do that we get scared the bad stuff will take over because we let them break the rules. And when they say we’re good girls and boys and give us hugs we feel like the bad stuff gets stronger because they can’t see who we are and then they can’t help us if they don’t know us. We just want to go far far far far away and hide forever š
All of us
Brilliant idea about the video, any chance you could post it on youtube? I bet a lot of people would benefit.
Kathy,
I have followed this blog for almost 9 months and I love it. This site has been a mental health life saver. Recently I printed out the 9/9/09 blog about encouragement on a bad day. I then made a video for myself which had a song from from “Glory Road” sung or hummed by Alicia Keys and I put your words on the screen to be watched/read while I’m listening. It seems to resignate with many of my parts. I’m going to share with my T. Thanks so much for your many words which always help.
WOW!!
What a cool idea, knsuperturtlesrock!!
I’m glad this article meant that much to you – but what an absolutely wonderful idea to combine it with music and video. I can see how that would have such a strong impact on your parts. OH, please do tell you T — that’s just such an amazing idea, and such a good way to build internal support, and to help yourself to internalize more positive thoughts, etc. It’s a way to re-teach your insiders that things can be ok, and to self-soothe, and how powerful to be able to just sit, and curl up in a blanket when you feel bad, and just watch it over and over as needed….
That’s such a creative idea – wow…. I’m impressed!
Thanks for following this blog for so long – I’m glad to hear it’s been a support for you.
Warmly,
Kathy
UGH, this stuff is all so crazy and conveluted to try and figger.
Gives me a headache.
It really is crazymaking all this stuff inside.
Its all just so friggin WEIRD.
I have only just figgered out all of this that:
1. I have alot of denial
2. I have all my life worked so hard to hide parts
3. That I have many parts that ‘keep parts down’, so they won’t be noticed
4. That I actively fear that parts might in fact be real
5. That I fear my not being able to be in control of them
No wonder I am so slow to do parts work.
My poor T is SO frustrated w/me.
I am fighting ALOT to even allow as there are parts, or that they should be allowed out, or to be brave enuf to allow it.
Sigh….
Hi Kathy!
I don’t know how i got them to stop. was always a ‘goal’ or ‘plan’ i guess since long time. Now i’m not so sure I did it. Was it really Me or Them?
anyways, i’m scared to talk to them. and besides, don’t they already know what i’m doing and what’s in my brain? i mean that’s where they ‘live’ right?
just keeping up
me
Hi Kathy
Hope you are doing well, just a little worried as no new posts in a while, hoping its just because you are really busy
I
Hi rdrunner,
Hi haberlach,
Yep, I’m doing ok — got really really crazy busy for a bit. This September 09 was a difficult month for a lot of the DID folks that I work with, so I was a lot busier in my office and with my Online Therapy work (AbuseConsultants), supporting a variety of folks thru’ some hard days. SurvivorForum has gotten busier too, and I took some time to attend / present at the Life Beyond Trauma Conference here in Dallas. Throw in a few of the never-ending demands of kids, a sick puggy that needed lots of TLC, some car repairs, a half-day off here and there, and …. well… there goes the time… flying by quicker than it seems it should… ! Where does the time go anyway?!!!
I hope you have been doing well. Thanks for checking. š
Kathy
will there be another post?
Thanks for encouragement. Have been stayed away for long time. Just stopped by for no reason and saw this. How sweet & kind! im very lost in here. my outside is doing chores you know taking care of business, kid, husband and home. so am very proud of physical progress. could not even do that thru the fog a couple a years ago.
inside is very black. no sights or sounds coming behind my eyes or ears. i am more than ready to know Something-Anything. but i made them all stop talking to ME and it’s very quiet and lonly in here even when i am with My Family. just moving my body thru the day in silence as if i were a zombie or dead inside but how can i be dead inside if i am moving on the outside?
As horrid as they were to listen to constantly for…Ever, i am more lost and alone inside than i was under the constant barraging of negative, guilt shame inducing (thoughts) words they provided.
How do I get Out of Here? it is so black and i fear the insiders are in there whispering inaudibly amongst themselves as they still have control over this physical and mental ME.
Thank You ALL for Your Courage & Strength to be Open and Honest because You Really DO give Enlightenment and Hope to us!
Lostindid,
I’m glad that this post was meaningful for you – and you are very welcome.. š
Yes, I think that being separated from the internal world is a very lonely, dark place. You might have a trauma memory also connected to that experience, but yeah – “isolation” is often not a more comfortable option, even if it seems like it would be. After providing short-termed welcomed relief, it starts to feel more like solitary confinement instead of a holiday.
How did you “make them” stop talking to you?
That will provide some of the answer for how to “make them” talk with you again.
And maybe, they can still hear you, even if you can’t hear them? Have you tried speaking to them? Or writing to them? If you genuinely want to re-establish communication with them, I’m sure that you can. But you might have to apologize to them first. š They may have been rather insulted when you insisted on taking that distance from them.
I am guessing that the way “out of here” is by making amends with your insiders, and building a connection back to them. If they know you are really willing to be with them again, maybe they’ll let you come back. And or, maybe you’ll be able to accept them back, however it goes.
Work on building teamwork with everyone…
and mutual appreciation, respect, and kindness will go a long ways!!!
Good luck!
Kathy
Hi Mona,
In connection with some significant dates this past week, lots of survivors have struggled with feelings of self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Hopefully, we haven’t lost anyone! The survivors I know all made it thru’ this rough patch of time, so… my hope is that everyone made it thru’ safely.
I am unfamiliar with the nutritional supplements so I can’t offer any kind of educated opinion. I do think that nutrition plays an important part of our health, so… maybe they are on to something?
It sounds interesting. I’ll have to look further into those ideas.
Thanks for your comment,
Kathy
K
Thx
Hey Muffledones – and now you are sharing with us. Thank you for this.
we not allowed to be weak
we not allowed to let people know who we are
we only know to hide
it all we know
Hi Muffledones,
Lots of times hiding feels safer…. and many times it is safer…. but it keeps you pretty isolated… and that’s not always so fun or ok.
And yes, it’s very important to be extremely careful about letting people know who you are, so I can understand that one. It’s definitely not safe to trust anyone or everyone.
Not everyone can understand what it is like to have DID or a trauma history, and it’s very important to be selective in who you share that info with.
But when you find a group of people that genuinely understand, I think it’s a good thing that you can say some stuff with other people that can relate to what you have been struggling with…
So good for you for posting – people here will know what you’re saying…
Warmly,
Kathy
Thanks for the affirmations and support, Kathy. It sounds like there has been a loss in the community. I am sad for all of you. May I ask a question about getting well?
Has anyone ever heard of this nutritional approach to mental wellness?
“EMPowerplus is Truehope Nutritional Support Ltd’s revolutionary
micronutrient treatment developed to address the symptoms of mental illnesses such as bipolar affective disorder, depression, schizophrenia, attention deficit disorder and other central nervous system disorders.”
Is it boloney or simply good-sense nutritional supplements, or real breakthrough help for mental health?
Kathy,
Thank you for writing that. Helps to know at least 1 person on the planet gets us.
soulful
y’all are all welcome….
I know that yesterday was a very hard day for a lot of people….
But a lot of people have a lot of bad days….
So please come back and read this as often as you need too…
It will still be true that day too…
Kathy
Kathy,
This is really encouraging and helpful.
Thanks for posting it.
Thank you. Those are strong words and messages for times when we feel so weak. Thank you.