Something about heartbreak totally changes a person.
Repeated heartbreak.
Changes your life.
I’m not sure I can put words to it yet, but I know it happens.
Depression.
Sadness.
Loss.
Grief.
Pain.
It consumes your thoughts, your mind, your time.
What hurts the most?
Abandonment? Abuse? Neglect? Betrayal? Dishonesty?
Physical pain? Sexual trauma? Aloneness?
I suppose there is no way to say what hurts the most.
It’s probably different for different people anyway.
When there is heartbreak, the heart breaks.
The sadness lingers.
You breathe it in with every breath. It’s all around you at all times.
It sits with you. Next to you. Beside you. On you. Behind you. In you.
The heart hurts.
You can feel it. It’s a physical pain. It’s an emotional pain.
Sad, slow music can express it oh so very well.
It’s just hard to find the words.
Sometimes heartbreak cannot be soothed. There are no words to comfort or reach or soften the depth of the break.
Sometimes sitting with is helpful.
Sometimes aloneness is all that can be tolerated.
Sometimes someone else’s heart can hear the heartbreak, even without the words.
It’s in the emotion. Or in the feeling of the person.
Or in the feeling around the person.
Real heartbreak is palpable.
Anyone listening or paying attention can see it, and feel it, and sense it – if they will.
Most don’t.
Maybe that’s why heartbreak changes life.
It creates profound crossroads in a person’s life.
The road chosen changes after heartbreak.
Life changes after heartbreak.
It’s never the same.
The heart breaks.
Profoundly.
__________
I’m sorry it hurts.
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
You expressed something that there are no words for.
This brought tears to my eyes for the first time, in a
very long time.
The brokenness of it all.
The realization of it all.
oh juliewtf…..
the words are really hard to find —
but the emotions are real… and it does hurt.
Thank you for letting me know this post reached you on that level….
Sending lots of kind thoughts your way,
Kathy
WOW. I have been a ‘lurker’ on your fantastic site for a while now, always a little to scared to comment. But this post just said so much to me. Thank you.
Hi klm98,
Thanks for finding the courage to post. I very much appreciate your kinds words….
In some ways, I’m sorry to hear that this post about heartbreak meant so much to you…. that tells me you’ve been pretty heartbroken to have understood it on that level… but I’m glad it could have such deep meaning for you as well.
Thanks for “lurking”, lol, and I hope you continue to come back often.
I wish the best for you in your healing journey,
Kathy
Thank you for expressing this. It’s rare to hear anyone describe the cumulative effects of broken hope and a broken and re-broken heart.
I have lived it. Repeated heartbreak in two areas of life, back to back over several years. Then a giant heartbreak on top of those, from which I’ve never recovered. But almost 20 years later, I’m seriously working on it! Thank your for putting what has felt unutterable into words.
Catie
Hi Catie,
Thank you for reading Discussing Dissociation – and thank you for your comment.
I’m sorry to hear that you can relate so deeply to this article about heartbreak, but I am glad to hear that you have found ways to address all the pain that you feel inside.
It is very hard to put the depths of heartbreak into words — keep working at it — you’ll find more words that fit how things are specifically for you —
I wish the best for you — and I hope that you and your broken heart finds the healing you deserve…
Warmly,
Kathy
KB
Heartbreak after break and folks wonder why it shatters.
It ravages the soul.
I wish with all my strength this weren’t true.
Bittersweetly, good job catching the emotion.
Ravin
Have you gone through a recent heartbreaking event? or is this just a conjecture you came across? it is very well written and drenched in pain and suffering why don’t you share more?
my heart felt this blog with such profound sadness. the realization that someone gets heartbreak… my heartbreak. *cry*
thank you
Holly
i have a question….
do we still have a soul?
oh soulfulgrrl,
yes, of course you still have a soul –
You were hurt – by the sounds of it, you were hurt a whole lot — but yes, … you do have a soul. They can’t take that away from you, and they can’t “make” you into one of “them”. But they certainly can cause a whopping lot of pain and heartbreak….
I’m sorry to hear that you feel so much sadness…. but I am glad that this article reached you…
I hope that you can feel better one of these days….
Kathy
Kathy,
Thank you for your comment. I think “we” are on the road to getting better. We finally found a therapist that believes “IN” us. He is super and most of us trust him.
Holly
Heartbreak…
is when all the air leaves the room because you hear the words, “…we found your son’s body…” and you don’t hear anything else. But someone in the background is screaming, “I don’t understand, I don’t understand…” and it might be you.
“Surviving a Loss”, monav.wordpress.com
Mona and Moreheads,
You are right — I can’t think of many things more emotionally painful than the suicide of a child…
My heart goes out to both of you, and I hope that you find some peace and solace in knowing that there are at least a few other people out here in the world that understand….
I’m so very very sorry for your loss….
Kathy
monav
I’m so very sorry. I too know that heart break, it’s shattering. There is no understanding. My empathy goes out to you.
Nikie….
Wow, thanks for writing this. Very powerful. This is exactly where I am right now… been trying to numb myself to deal with it… this post broke through that defense and got me to feel something. Glad to find your blog.
Hi sbox84,
Thanks for your comment – it’s always good to know when my blog articles really hit home for someone… I’m sorry to hear that you have had so much pain in your life, but I am glad that my post was able to help you reach your feelings. That’s good news. You probably have more work to do, but hey – finding an opening thru’ the defenses is a good thing.
I’m glad you’ve found this blog too — I hope you keep coming back…
And please treat yourself with kindness and gentleness while you are experiencing so much pain…
Warmly,
Kathy
That’s how most of my life has been. One heartbreak after another until now it feels like we don’t have a heart left.
The last time, the worst, even worse than the abuse and stuff, was when my therapist dumped us out of nowhere one night, even though she promised to never leave us, promised that she wouldn’t ever hurt us. But then she said she was “done”, she said she couldn’t help us anymore. After 7 years of being a nice lady she just left and then ignored us after that night and now won’t talk to us anymore and she doesn’t care anymore, even though she promised to never hurt us. That was the worst thing. And we can’t get over it.
pilgrimchild,
I am so very sorry to hear your story….
I do understand this heartbreak… getting dumped out of nowhere after 7 yrs of a what you felt was a positive, healing relationship, is really tremendously painful. And very hard to get over… (so be kind to yourself about that one…)
I’m sorry your heart hurts…
Your heart is probably well defended again by now, but I bet you still have one…
It’s just hurts….
Kathy
This may sound really weird but I’m kind of glad when I can feel it. It means I am not them. It means I will never be one of them, because I still have a heart that loves, hurts, breaks and feels for others.
carolins hart be broken
agan and agan
now agan
we dont no how to make her hart better
we can feel it, are hart feels all twisty and itshy in side are chest
like it got electisty going thru it
how do we help her fix that cos we dont no anemore
harts in peices 🙁
somtims it herts so bad it be hard to breth
evre day it hert more
I’m Broken.
I can not move.
Somtimes you heart brakes so bad that you cant even move. You cant even brethe right. Today we can hardley move, or brethe.
The pepol that you live with dont even notise. The pepol that you talk dont even notise.nobody even notise and that make it ake more.
Somtimes heart ache just wraps itself around your neck and strangles you. And the more you try to get away from it, the more the rope wraps tighter around your neck. Til you cant breathe anymore. And you cant get away from it. Its just killing you. But you cant scream for help.
People say so often that things will get better as time goes by. That time heals all wounds. But we havent found that to be true. So many things just get worse over time. The heartbreak gets bigger. The loneliness that only bothered you a little at first ends up consuming you. Things stay unresolved and end up getting worse over time, not better.
The heart break of repeated Betrayal cuts like a sharp knife. DID is all about betrayal to a human soul, as if you are a object of no thought or feeling.
some days, some weeks, all of those things hit at once.
no one notices.
no one hears you even when you scream for help.
Hello Nobody,
I hear you! Not sure what I can do to help but I will listen and hear. I have screamed at the wind too but my calls for help blew through the deaf ears of those who did not want to hear. We hear.
ME+WE
05/10/2018
The broken cannot be fixed
No matter what we try
We are lost
alone
In the brokenness
Words alone
Not enough
To express the pain
That is left
Too many ways
Have we been broken
Broken can be fixed but never be put back together the same.. Sometimes the things that we used to glue back the pieces; is not always a popular choice with a therapist. The techniques that are used for temporary fixes. Until we achieve the goal of a permanent fix.. But you always see the cracks
Well said Sissy. When I was six years old I got this big walking doll for Christmas. I was not a doll kind of girl but I loved this one because she was tall (over half my height) and she walked with me … a true friend I thought. Well, that afternoon (Christmas day) I took my doll to show my nana. No sooner had I entered her house when a boy cousin ripped my dolls one leg off. I cried and cried as if he had done that to me. My father attached the leg back on the doll but it never worked again. My doll could no longer walk … she was forever broken. But, I loved her even more then when I opened her box Christmas morning.
Broken is still worthy, cherished and loveable!
ME+WE
05/10/2018
Feeling somewhat broken lately.
Seeing the cracks get longer and wider
Just wanting the broken heart to feel something . To feel alive even if it hurts.
Then other days the blinders are on
Seeing nothing feeling numb
Pretending to be happy
Even pretending
is better than feeling broken
Being hurt
feeling so much hurt
That will leave a permanent scar within the heart, on your brains even in your eyes.
Can only be worked on with loving
Caring
Trustworthy people
Then one of the trustworthy people are gone gone for good
So how do you go on
To move forward
To open up
So you can feel broken again
My heart feels like it has more broken pieces than whole pieces.
It just aches.
Sometimes i cant even breathe.
*** trigger warning ***
I just accidently ran across a video on facebook of a driver who fell asleep at the wheel and crashed. It breaks my heart. I feel like i will never get over when one of my friends did that in high school. She fell asleep and crashed her car.she was trapped and it caught on fire. Even after 30 years I cannot get that image out of my head. That horror.
I pray and pray for God to get rid of it. My chest aches, my heart aches so bad. I had already had several friends die and also commit suicide in junior high and high school. That wasnt anything new. It was the way she died. And the fact that if she could have stayed awake for less than 30 seconds more, she would have been safe in her own driveway.
My heart is still so full of pain. Still so broken. People used to tell me that time heals all wounds. But that isn’t necessarily true. It still aches as bad as the day it happened. It feels like a heavy weight in my chest, crushing me. No one can help.
I wish i could get over it.
I miss her.
She was going to be a nurse. She never got to be.
um, heartache?
like realizing the person you’ve been married to for a dozen years has never loved you? like realizing that no matter what you do your family will never give you the love you so desperately yearn for?
then, yes, we know heartache. it is soul crushing, causes self-loathing because of course everything HAS to be our fault! we are trying to move past the long held conditioning that made us believe that we were ultimately unworthy of love.