Pets are very important to trauma survivors for a variety of reasons:
A place to express love, affection, and tenderness
Many abuse survivors have difficulties with attachment issues due their extensive histories of trauma, abuse, and neglect. Because people were the perpetrators, trauma survivors frequently find it difficult and complicated to express caring and affection to other people.
And yet, many survivors can still feel loving connections, and they have the desire to appropriately express that.
Animals and pets feel safer for bonding than people, and because of that added safety, animals can become the positive target audience for the survivor’s feelings of love, affection, and tenderness. Sometimes it just feels good to be able to hug a cat!
An acceptable substitution for maternal instincts
Many trauma survivors do not have children, or are not with their children, or do not want to have children, or cannot have children, are not ready for children, etc. However, being away from children does not eliminate maternal feelings and maternal instincts (or paternal feelings and paternal instincts). Many survivors purposefully choose to have a variety of pets and animals as an appropriate substitution for children.
Some survivors will purposefully get pets to learn how to nurture and care for others prior to having children.
If you can’t manage taking care of animals, you won’t be able to tend properly to children.
(Photo by Morning Call photographer, Kevin Mingora)
An exercise companion
Trauma survivors, like any other group in the population, have difficulties getting proper exercise.
Plus, having significantly increased levels of depression, fatigue, social anxiety, fears, phobias, obesity, body image issues, etc. can make it even more difficult for trauma survivors to exercise.
Having a dog to walk or a horse to ride can make exercising less stressful, less scary, and much more fun.
Assistance with safety and security
Some pets can provide safety in the obvious ways, such as trained dogs helping to guard the home. For trauma survivors who frequently live in chronic fear of abusers, the assistance of a guard dog can be very comforting.
In addition, animals can help to provide a sense of daily grounding from internal fears, dreams, flashbacks, etc. If the cats are still sleeping peacefully, the confused survivor can be more assured that the emotional disturbance was internal, not external.
Feeling safe and secure is fundamentally important for trauma survivors, and pets can play a monumental role on this level.
Assistance with social situations
Social service dogs and horses are trained companions for social situations with anxious trauma survivors. These animals are excellent assistants, and have been found very helpful for many people. The service animal helps the survivor to have the confidence needed to venture out into the world and not be excessively housebound.
Regular pets can serve that same function on a smaller scope, even if these uncertified pets are not qualified to go into stores, in public buildings, on planes, etc.
Being out in the world with a cute puppy provides:
-
- an immediate distraction and interest for other people (putting the focus more on the puppy than the survivor)
- a comfortable starting place for conversation (many people will ask about the puppy first)
- a physical barrier between the survivor and other people, creating more physical distance and a greater sense of emotional safety (when the puppy stands or sits in front of the survivor)
- a valid, less questioned excuse for the survivor to leave uncomfortable social situations (ie: stating the puppy needs to go outside now).
Companionship, friendship, someone to talk to
Many trauma survivors live alone, or feel very alone even when they live amongst others. Most dissociative survivors have an extensive history of strained or unhealthy or abusive social relationships. Making and keeping friends is not easy, especially for survivors with issues such as borderline personality disorder and chronic self-injury issues.
Having their own pet provides that special someone they can talk to, even if it is difficult to talk to people. Dogs and cats can be the very best friends, and their companionship is invaluable. They help survivors to not feel alone, and to not be alone.
How can survivors feel alone when a puppy follows them all around the house, from room to room to room?
Entertainment and Humor
Laughter is the best medicine, and most pets provide a variety of humorous situations to lighten even the darkest of moods.
Who can resist smiling and laughing at the antics of an energetic kitten rolling around tangled up in string or a puppy flopping around after a bouncy ball?
Pets very much have their own personality – the more survivors enjoy the liveliness of their pets, the better. Smiles and spontaneous laughter adds to the quality of life for anyone.
Learning how to bond, connect, attach
Dissociative trauma survivors with severe abuse histories often find it extremely difficult to attach to other people. In survivors’ experiences, most people have been abusive, neglectful, or uninterested in them. Trauma makes it very hard to bond, and many DID survivors did not bond with anyone for years of their life. Or sometimes, the only bond felt is a damaging trauma bond with a perpetrator.
Having a pet can be the first experience in positive unconditional bonding with a loved one. Experiencing affection and warm connection from a pet can have great meaning to an isolated, lonely trauma survivor.
Learning how to take care of someone outside of themselves
Some trauma survivors have experienced such damage from their abusive, neglectful childhood upbringing that they genuinely lack the skills in tending to others. Especially in homes where neglect was prominent, basic living skills would have been overlooked.
Having a pet can be the first experience in learning how to tend to the needs of the self and others.
Also, for survivors that are excessively self-involved and self-absorbed, having a pet can teach them to look beyond their own needs.
Provide a variety of medical benefits
Research has shown that pets have a positive impact on medical health, mental health, and reducing stress. Pets help to lower cholesterol and triglycerides, reduce blood pressure, increase life expectancy after heart attacks, reduce the need for prescription medications, reduce the number of medical appointments, etc. Pets can be trained to help with seizures, help with Parkinson’s Disease, diagnose cancer, and watch for low blood sugar.
People with pets have improved health!
Help with depression and low self-esteem
Pets help to fight depression and low self-esteem. Pets help survivors to feel important and to be recognized as valuable, worthy people.
Walking in the door to a pet that is really genuinely happy to see you makes for a corrective emotional experience for many trauma survivors who have felt ignored, unimportant, unnoticed, unworthy, etc.
Provide joy and happiness
Chronic emotional pain is intense for dissociative trauma survivors. Heartbreak, anguish, grief, profound sadness, and emptiness are frequent feelings. Pets can bring a sense of joy and happiness into the survivor’s life, helping to lift depression, and actually letting the survivors experience moments of joy and happiness.
To feel loved, accepted, cared for
All too many trauma survivors have grown up feeling unloved, unwanted, uncared for, unappreciated, etc. This leaves a hole in the heart that just doesn’t go away.
Pets help survivors to have the emotional experience of being loved and unconditionally cared for. Pets don’t leave just because their survivors are down, depressed, messy, messing up, or dysfunctional. Pets stay loyal to their survivors, and continue to express long-term, loving devotion even through difficult times when people are not be willing to be there.
To feel understood
Pets can listen with their hearts.
They can read the emotional state of their survivors with an uncanny ability. They know when their survivors are hurting, or angry, or afraid. Pets can respond in natural ways to these emotions, and provide a level of understanding that doesn’t require words.
Pets can tell when dissociative trauma survivors switch from one part to the other.
There are many reasons why they say “dogs are man’s best friend”.
Pets are wonderful.
Absolutely wonderful.
I hope you enjoy your precious fur babies as much as I enjoy mine.
I wouldn’t want a day without them!
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2021 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
What Are best qualities and gender of dog for Trauma survivors needs when there are different kind of Alters and active but none active days incluted. Asking for adult WHO has dog experiences, and what Are The most needed things in training?
Well, in my quest to reread articles here on the website, I was drawn to this one for several reasons.
I could not help but think about Kathy and her fund raising to bring her beloved Kelpies to the US to be with her (check out Still Our Normal Complicated Selves Discussion). Gosh, could not help but think that all of the points that she makes for having pets as DID folks sure do apply to her right now as well.
I cannot have pets because of allergies. But, I do book “play dates” with pets owned by my friends. Dexter (a big orange male cat friend) I see every week. I have treats and toys for him. He is just such a comfort.
I had an orange cat growing up that I poured my heart and soul out to. He was the only one that I felt unconditional love from. How important that was for me to feel his love and that he was always there for me.
I have had other animals along the way and I always feel so bonded with them. The thing is that I cannot cope when they are sick. And, I certainly am a basket case when they die. I am frantic when they are sick that I cannot explain to them what is happening or know what they are thinking and feeling. I know that that is attached to my hospital traumas as a child but knowing that and being able to work past that are two different things.
The past five years I have been working with horses in a therapeutic way. It is all work down on the ground (i.e., no riding) but … wow … have they taught me a lot. Horses are prey animals so they are very sensitive to your energy. They respond to what you present to them. It has really challenged me to be grounded and to be real. They know when what you are saying and what you are feeling are in tune or not and they let you know. My last session with them in the spring they taught me the importance of the triad of my feelings of sadness, fear and anger and how I have to acknowledge and have all three in place to be firmly grounded in understanding my trauma-response. Yes, the horses taught me that!
What have animals/pets taught you?
What have they brought into your life?
Hum … not going to touch Kathy’s section on children right now for myself but putting out there to see if anyone else found that part difficult to read.
ME+WE
08/08/21
Hi ME+WE,
Good job continuing on with reading the articles here. I’m impressed by your continuing to do this.
Let’s see…pets have taught me that it’s okay to love. That part of that love is receiving from them and giving to them. They have taught me the basics of what it means to love and that sometimes it means letting them go when they are so sick. And that it’s not my fault or I shouldn’t feel guilty because death is part of life. Loving an animal and receiving their love back without any conditions or having to do anything for it is also what they have brought into my life.
I’ve had a couple of pets now that have passed on and it is so hard and part of the reason why I don’ t have them now. But I’ve seen that I can do it and love them the most by letting them go. It’s hard, but having that opportunity to love them is such an honorable opportunity.
MultipleMe
8/13/2021
Hi MultipleMe,
I am determined to keep eating through the articles here at the DD website because I am determined to heal … and this website has been a very important part of that process. But healing takes work … a whole heck of a lot of work … and courage, determination, resilience and … back to a lot of hard work. At times I am resentful of that … “why should I have to work so darn hard to find healing for something that others did to me?” It is not fair!
It sure is not fair but a friend of mine who has MS taught me that being angry and resentful of what has happened does not take it away, it just makes life harder. He is always so positive and up beat. That does not mean that he does not have his down times but he said being angry and depressed about his MS does not take the MS away … it just means that he is not enjoying every moment of his here and now.
Okay … got way off topic there. I just was thinking how much animals teach us unconditional love, how to care for another living creature, feelings of security, compassion, safe touch, fun and laughter, etc. These are things that we really need to learn and practice as much as we need to do our trauma work. This is our trauma work but in another way. I am a great believer that we have to learn to love and laugh as much as we need to cry and feel our anger.
dogs are scary especially barky dogs!!! some dogs are nice tho even some big dogs our neighbors dog licked us and lay down so we could pet him he was very soft and didn’t bark at all.
Our kitty loves us and follows us around so she is always close to us except when she sleeps in the closet which is funny! When we come home she is usually at the door waiting to be cuddled! She sleeps beside us in bed right next to us and sometimes licks our head! Sometimes when we wake up she is sleeping on the pillow too!
Kitty never gets mad or yells at us or hurts us!! That’s the best thing about kitty!!!
im new here but LOVED this article i have a parrot who is my whole world he keeps me from killling myself grounds me so much and when im lost wherever it is i seem to go and at times dont even know my own name or recognise even family members the very mention of his name is all it takes to bring me back
his intelligence is mind blowing and he talks up a storm too 90 % of the things he says are completely in context
Rescued pets is the best.
You can learn to heal and trust together.
They give you routine and remind you to eat when they tell you they are hungry too.
We been watching Little but Fierce videos of abandoned animals who get rescued and saved and have lots of fun.
Littles like that the best.
Hi Rescued,
Thanks for your comment, and welcome to Discussing Dissociation!
It’s always good to hear from another someone who loves to help animals. That automatically tells me there’s real beauty in you and please do hold tight to that tender spot in your heart. It’s so important!
I’m not familiar with those Little but Fierce videos, but they sound really interesting! I would certainly love them, and I can understand why your littles do to.
Please keep reading. (and posting!)
Warmly,
Kathy
I have had pets for decades….but not now though….recent deaths of my last two and hubby wants a “break from critters”….”no more”. It is very “hard on the heart” to hear those words…..I don’t think he gets how important they are to me…..and I cannot tell him.
I usually got my critters from the shelter – the terrified, shaking, rejected ones….ones that are on “the list”…….OR strays or ferals I came across ……. I miss my critters so much. Hubby was amazed at how attached to me they were….even leaving his lap to come to mine. I would come home from work so internally stressed from having to deal with people and from either trying to “explain” or to “hide” my struggles from them……
One of my last cats would hear me come up the drive and be waiting at the door for me….before I could even finish sitting down, he would jump in my lap and reach up and put his front legs around my neck….and just hug me…rubbing his face all over my face. I knew he was telling me that I belonged to him…..and even though there were times I couldn’t “feel” anything…..I knew that with him I was OK to be who I was in that moment…..
I didn’t need to meet expectations – or to look or respond a certain way – or to even have to talk…..just be who I was in that moment – even if I didn’t know who that was. Sometimes I felt caught between worlds and his unconditional hugs requiring nothing from me helped me to re-ground……
I miss him waiting at the door for me…….I miss him so much……..
we be trying to cuddol with our dog lots today becuse we be having really bad anxsiety. our heart been beating super fast all day. and we keep shaking.we cant colm down.
we be very anxshish about some things. but our dog mostly want to sleep!
also today be 5 years sinse we had to say good by to our best friend. he was a choclate lab. he ws the best dog ever. we miss him so much. it leave a big ache in our heart.
I love my cat. I want to get a dog too so we can have a pet for my cat. She likes the neigbor’s dogs and if we got a dog then she’d have somebody to play with. and i would have somebody to walk with that would be good exercise and would help get us out of the apartment. we have a park not too far down the road i can walk her to. or we got a big place on the property that the cat and a new dog can go outside and play. i would be there to make sure they dont run off though. i never had a dog. it looks like a lot of work. but it would be good. and we like that having pets makes us take care of others outside us. there’s not other humans here so it feels like we are the moms to our cat. she needs a dog. 🙂
my dog be my bes fren
he my onle fren
i love him
that man yell agan he hate that f**kn dog
it make me sad
i ned my dog
he love me
Hi mae,
You have lots of friends here if you want to be friends.
We are not as cuddly as your dog is I am thinking cause we are on the computer.
I loved my dog and kitty cats.
They were my bestest friends too.
Big hugs to you (if you want a hug) and your dog.
Your friend,
ME+WE
01/29/2018
For those people wanting more information about how to have a classication about service animals.. I have that answer. You can train your own dog and many resources on the internet for that information.
Please be sure to note that a service dog is NOT a pet. The dog is more your employee. Of course there is going to be some attachment there .. but they need to be treated like a working dog.
Also, a service dog must be able to preform certain tasks pertaining to your disability. This information is also online.
I am looking into getting a service dog of my own. I already have dogs but, they fail the qualifications of being a service dog. There IS a difference.. be sure not to be sold on some internet scam.
There are organizations that help…
WE
We got a big dog and a litoler dog and a litol dog. Are litol dog he love us. He allways be by us. He like to cudol. He like to sleep by us. He never get mad at us. We like to make him happy.. He dont like it when we sad. We try to be happy for him. Him fafrit thing be lay on the cowtch with us. He so funy.
Animols be safer then pepol. Animols mite relly love you mabey.. Them do t lie like pepol do. Them stays by you and dont go away.
Sept they die suner 🙁 that be hard. It be aniversare of when 2 of my dogs die. We miss them so bad. Are house still dont feel rite with them gon.
I wish animols cuod live for ever.
Some animals even learn to recognise signs of dissociation… my cat helps me out of it at times when it is bad, he starts begging for attention or just clawing my legs when I don’t respond. He even sat on my head once (funny way of grounding that is)!
My 2 beautiful cats are who I live for these days. They are sweet and loyal, loving and kind, playful and goofy. I can’t imagine my life without them. They love hugs and kisses, wait for me at the door when I come home at night, sleep with me, and snuggle when I’m sad. No person has ever done that for me.
So true!
I would also like to know or read about how to achieve the title of “support/service/therapist animal” for my dog.
At this moment my dog doesn’t have this, near any other official title. But she acts like one for me. But without some official title, I can’t take her in the hospital where I go every week to see my psychiatrist. My dog (teckel/daschund/doxie) is now 5 years old and people tell me that she acts as a bodyguard (literally) when I am “away” in a crisis of dissociation which looks like an epileptic seizure which can hold on for hours.
When in such a crisis, my dog lays on top of me and will not let anybody approach me, even not the people she knows very well. When I’m not so well but still “awake” (so not in a crisis) she helps me to stay alert and more conscious, she makes me laughing. Caressing her ultra-soft fur is such a relief and such a wonderful help for me when in need of safe physical contact. My dog and I live together (without other persons or animals) in our own house and we are together most of the time, except when going to the doctor each week in the hospital.
She also goes to the public library with me, where I am volunteering, she is the library mascot and is loved by everybody there.
She is the only reason why I don’t commit suicide when hopeless and suicidal during the darkest periods which occur a few times a year.
I would love to see this expanded on with talk about service dogs for PTSD and emotional support animals, as well as the differences between the two. Some might not know they can have an ESA (which can be any animal) in pet free housing if approved by a therapist or doctor. A service dog (which is required to be a dog except in rare cases a mini horse) has public access rights under the ADA. I currently am alive only because of my SD for my PTSD, DID, and depression. She is not a therapy dog, that is also a different classification under the law. Only a service dog has public access rights.
Are pets be tressures. There are only frmds.they stay by us. They owas happy to see us. There nise. There better then pepol. Anamals is better then pepol. They love us. They here evrey day. Pepol dosent be like that.
What do you enjoy about your pet?
How is your pet a treasure to you?
Reblogged this on Discussing Dissociation and commented:
My cats and dogs have been so very important to me…
How about for you?
As I sit here my dog is curled up beside me and breathing warm air on my leg. It is comforting to hear her when she snores! One of my cats is cuddled up in the blanket on the chair. The other is in the bedroom making sure it’s warm for me when I get there. My girls are everything to me. And my wife and I are everything to them. It’s a great feeling.
The one outing I make it to consistently is going to the dog park. I can choose to talk to people or not. It’s all about the dogs and they are all loving and playful and happy to meet new friends. When I see the skittish ones I make a special effort to make sure they see that I’m a safe person and that I would never hurt them. I can practice my skills with people too when I feel up to it. And there is always a safe topic of conversation. Hi, what’s you dog’s name? How old? What breed? It’s an automatic ice breaker. And the conversation doesn’t have to go any further than that. If you feel uncomfortable you can lean down and start playing with the dogs and move on. It’s been a wonderful experience for me.
Pets are good for the soul.
peoplepuzzlepieces –
Thanks for your comment — I completely agree!
Those are really good points about how pets can be a safe topic of conversation for public interaction, and also an unchallenged and friendly escape route when you need less people time! Clever, clever! Well done. 🙂
Kathy
Hi, Kathy –
My cat was a huge part of my healing . . . she knew how to be there for me exactly as I needed her to be.
Thanks for writing this!
– Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)
http://mmaaggnnaa.wordpress.com/
Hi Everyone,
I’m glad to see that so many of you are relating to this post — 🙂
Thank you for your comments, and I hope each of you enjoy your pets today!
Kathy
Great post!
Our two dogs provide so, so, so much love and companionship. They can sense when I’m depressed and so they come sit by my side. I love throwing the ball with them. They are so funny and cute.
I know everyone loves their pet and thinks their pet is the best in the world but mine really are the best, best dogs ever.
Our dog helps us so much. She is a very good listener.
we live in an apartment and our rent gets higher if we get a pet. i want a dog, but my mom wants a cat, neither of us can afford it. i am never really home, and my mom never gets out of bed. the poor thing would starve to death or probably start gnawing on my mom to survive. i work for people and they have dogs, so when i am there i play with their dogs and walk them and hug them and kiss them because they make me happy.
one summer awhile ago we volunteered at an animal shelter. we loved the animals, hated cleaning the cages, and hated when they had to make the animals go bye bye because of spacing and funding…
my favorite dog is the pit bull because they get such a bad rep, but they are loving sweet dogs if you train them properly and you don’t make them fight or make them mean. they are very protective also. when i move out from my mom, and i have my own place i am going to get a pit bull and i am going to name her “alice in wonderland” that will be her whole name. And i will let her sleep in my bed with me at night so that she won’t be alone, and i won’t be alone. And we will go running together and on hikes, and swimming. She’ll be my best friend i’ll tell her all my secrets.
we really want a dog…sigh.
💜💜 Love this.
There were many times my first dog saved my life. There were times I felt extremely suicidal but I would look at my dog and start wondering what would happen to her if I wasn’t around. My dog had given me unconditional love and her eyes would look at me and I could tell how much she loved and needed me. I just couldn’t kill myself then. I would then hold her and cry my eyes out and then hope for a better day tomorrow.
Insideones
i have two cats and a dog. They each have their own distinctive personality. My dog is a therapy dog and also comes with me to therapy sometimes. I was able to get him into an aquarium recently and it was awesome for me to have him in such a social situation. My dog sleeps downstairs, but my cats have the upstairs so they are there when i sleep. hubby and i first started with cats to see if we could handle them, then we got a dog, and now we feel a lot safer about having a child even though that is a scary topic in and of itself. conception, pregnancy, and birth should be another topic you should address at some point in time. They do help even though the vet bills get kind of pricey at times. i do love them.
oompaa
I know if my dogs are quiet, then all is quiet.