Many people enter the therapy process with minimal awareness of their trauma history.
When the trauma survivors are dissociative, they have the ability to block out an awareness of their trauma. They may know that their family had problems, or that their family was dysfunctional, etc, but they may believe they were never abused.
However, blocking out conscious awareness of trauma does not mean that the survivors have no effects of that trauma.
Using denial and dissociative skills does not mean that the abuse did not happen. Denial means that the person simply is refusing to acknowledge or accept the fact that they were traumatized. They are pretending or not realizing they were not hurt, when they were actually hurt very badly.
Even if the memories of abuse are hidden from the survivor’s awareness, blocked trauma / unresolved trauma creates very noticeable and obvious symptoms that can be easily seen in their every day lives.
People will enter therapy aware of some of the following symptoms, but they may not realize these complications are suggestive of unresolved trauma issues.
20 Signs of Unresolved Trauma
1. Addictive behaviors
Addictive behaviors excessively turning to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, gambling as a way to push difficult emotions and upsetting trauma content further away.
2. Inability to tolerate conflicts
An inability to tolerate conflicts with others – having a fear of conflict, running from conflict, avoiding conflict, maintaining skewed perceptions of conflict
3. Inability to tolerate intense feelings
An inability to tolerate intense feelings, preferring to avoid feeling by any number of ways
https://vsco.co/shaylinjanelle/
4. Innate belief that they are bad
An innate belief that they are bad, worthless, without value or importance
5. Black and white thinking
Black and white thinking, all or nothing thinking, even if this approach ends up harming themselves
6. Suicidal thoughts
Chronic and repeated suicidal thoughts and feelings
7. Disorganized attachment patterns
Disorganized attachment patterns – having a variety of short but intense relationships, refusing to have any relationships, dysfunctional relationships, frequent love/hate relationships
8. Dissociation
Dissociation, spacing out, losing time, missing time, feeling like you are two completely different people (or more than two)
9. Eating Disorders
Eating disorders – anorexia, bulimia, obesity, etc.
10. Excessive Sense of Self-Blame
Excessive sense of self-blame – taking on inappropriate responsibility as if everything is their fault, making excessive apologies
11. Inappropriate Attachments
Inappropriate attachments to mother figures or father figures, even with dysfunctional or unhealthy people
12. Intense Anxiety
Intense anxiety and repeated panic attacks
13. Intrusive Thoughts, Flashbacks, Body Memories, Nightmares
Intrusive thoughts, upsetting visual images, flashbacks, body memories / unexplained body pain, or distressing nightmares
14. Depression
Ongoing, chronic depression
15. Victim Role
Repeatedly acting from a victim role in current day relationships
16. Rescuer Role
Repeatedly taking on the rescuer role, even when inappropriate to do so
17. Self-Harm
Self-harm, self-mutilation, self-injury, self-destruction
(More educational videos about self injury and other related topics available below.)
18. Suicidal actions
Suicidal actions and behaviors, failed attempts to suicide
19. Perpetrator Role
Taking the perpetrator role / angry aggressor in relationships
20. Intense Fears
Unexplained but intense fears of people, places, things
These same symptoms can be applied for survivors already working in therapy. Attending regular therapy does not mean the clients have resolved their trauma issues or that they are even working in that general direction. Many therapy clients will continue to deny, dissociate, and refuse to look at their trauma even if they are aware of their daily struggles.
If you are experiencing a number of the symptoms listed above, ask yourself if you are truly ready to address your trauma issues, or if you find it more comfortable to continue living with these struggles.
Is it harder to face how you were abused and who abused you? Or is it harder to live a life full of depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide, troubled relationships, extreme fears, physical pain, and addictions?
Running from your trauma history will not help you feel better. In the short-run, you might not have to face the issues, but the cost in the long-run of unresolved trauma weighs more heavily than you might suspect.
Your life can be better than it is.
Be brave – face your trauma issues!
I wish you the very best in your healing journey.
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
For more information about Dissociative Identity Disorder, watch my video playlist below.
To send a private comment to Kathy — a comment not visible on the blog — please complete the Contact Form.
Related articles:
- When the Painful Past is the Painful Present
- Extinguishing Fear by Relaxing the Body
- What Do You Think about Suicide?
- Being Hated, Feeling Hated, Overcoming Self-Hatred
- Turning Self-Injury into Self-Soothing
- Addressing Depression in Dissociative Disorders
- 20 Types of Dissociative Splits
- Discussing Dissociation, Five Years Later
- My 100 Strengths, by a Group of Dissociative Trauma Survivors, Part Two
- Holidays for DID Trauma Survivors… Making it Nice for the Littles
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
This is the right blog for anyone who wants to find out about this topic. You realize so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually would want…HaHa). You definitely put a new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Great stuff, just great!
**Trigger warning for mentions of m/rder, s/ffocation, and dr/wning.**
Recently there was a blackout in my city and I couldn’t see anything. I’ve always been afraid of the dark and while I tried to tell myself that everything is okay, I couldn’t stop shaking and my voice was quivering. I felt on the verge of a panic attack, and a bad one at that. I only relaxed a small amount when I found a flashlight and turned it on, but that still didn’t get rid of the thoughts I was having and the shaking.
Once I laid down in my bed, the panic attack began to happen. It went on for about 30 minutes, and didn’t stop until the lights turned back on. Though whenever I looked around the pitch-black room, it started again. Thankfully the lights turned back on fairly quickly, and I calmed down after that.
I noticed that in the darkness, I constantly felt afraid even when I was touching something. I felt like somebody was going to come get me and kill me. I felt like I was choking and drowning in a void and I was being pulled away from reality.
Now I am still a bit shaken up, and though it was 2 days ago, I fear that any lights I am around will suddenly flicker and turn off and another blackout will happen. I’ve always been scared of flickering lights, no matter if it was a power failure causing it or if it was a setting in the lights to make them blink. A blackout only happened once before when I was younger, and I was still afraid but we had a generator back then so maybe that’s why I don’t have horrible memories of it.
What could the cause of these panic attacks and suffocating feelings be? I’ve had a fairly happy childhood aside from my anxiety disorders.
MissyMing says ”does anyone else have a hard time with Valentine’s Day?….”
I can understand why. when the rest of the world is celebrating love other and being loved by others. our self’s were being thought love hurts. Or we are unworthy of being Loved. even to this day it’s hard for my brain; not to go to a place of waiting to be hurt when someone says” I love you”. I have to remind ourselves this is now not then. I have to do lots of self talk about those words when its heard. we are grateful that we can except those words now about 50% of the time.
8-22-20
Extremely interesting.
Not sure where to ask this…and I did a search…all kinds of articles on different “time frame” triggers – but nothing about Valentine’s Day (that I could find anyway)…..is it just my own personal “nightmare” “scattered all over the place” day?….or does anyone else have a hard time with Valentine’s Day?….
Leaves me feeling really vulnerable, confused, bouncing, scattered….and ultimately disconnected and shut down…..we don’t know what to do with it…so we just pretend it is just another day……it is in major conflict with our being an “it”…..we cannot understand how people can go in that direction…it ends up making us look like something is wrong with us…..we just want to run….WAY TOO VULNERABLE….
MissyMing
02/13/20
One of the problems with lists like this are that the person with these behaviors/thoughts may not be aware that they are experiencing them. Trauma can severely damage one’s ability to self evaluate or self report.
This is the kind of thing that a person struggling should go over with a therapist, partner, or friend.
It took me decades just to get to the point where I could listen to my head and body *and* know which were important, which were noise, and which weren’t even mine.
My counselor keeps asking me to lean in to my emotions. He wants me to stop running! He tells me that every time he sees me get in touch with how I feel, I have a lot of progress.
It is hard though. Real life continues to unfold around me with all its craziness.
Recognizing one’s emotions and being able to be present with them is important, but I recently learned something interesting from a specialist in complex PTSD.
When our responses involve the nervous system (as opposed to thoughts or feelings) it’s important not to stay in those responses too long. Like starting an exercise, if you push too hard to early bad things can happen and slow or stop improvement. You want to push yourself just enough to be uncomfortable, then rest, then push a little, then back down.
As I separate my emotional responses from my physical/nervous system responses I am better able to regulated myself.
Having a better understanding of the vagus nervous system and cptsd has helped me a great deal.
Sooo….is THAT why I keep telling my T when she tells me I “think” too much…”I’m not THINKING it…it’s in my “gut”!………
MissyMing
02/14/20
I have my weekly counseling appointment tomorrow. After the last one, I sent him a message about accidentally worming my way out of talking about what I needed to talk about. I “told on myself” so he can better catch it in the future. Proud of myself for recognizing someone I can trust enough to actually do that with.
Every so often I get shocked by how much more work there still is to be done, but my self was so fractured that it is amazing that I am still choosing life, freedom and wholeness. There was a time when mental hospitals were my refuge. I was so misunderstood there. I could trust them to keep me alive when all I wanted was to die, but they thought I was playing games with them and had no idea that I needed a really safe place to talk and all men reminded me of my father and most women were untrustworthy simply because my mom chose to not see what was happening.
I do have a therapist now that I really trust but it still scares the hell out of me to lower the hypervigilance and find my way out of hell. Funny how much you can fight against your very own freedom.
This article made me think that I probably am not done with dissociation yet but I will keep reaching for the light. Everything I have remembered so far has felt better in the light than dealing with the dread of knowing that stuff is getting ready to surface and trying to outrun it.
To all the other survivors, a toast to your bravery and mine!
Oooooo….”knowing that stuff is getting ready to surface and trying to outrun it”….maybe that is what I have been doing…..feeling the churning and the “bubbling” Inside and not wanting to really “see” because I know I will just go into massive confusion….(I have little “brain memory” of trauma)….Inside confusion is bad enough…but when you are becoming “known” for your confusion on the Outside – life gets rough……I get so tired of people telling me “I know you get confused easy”…….I’d like for them to walk in my shoes a day and see how well THEY do!! I used to be “smart” and a really “focused” person – wish I knew where it went……
When Inside and Outside clashes and I am caught in the middle in a twilight zone I miss parts of Outside stuff….a co-worker recently bragged to me that she remembered stuff to be done and I didn’t – and I was standing there right by her when we were told! Thing of it is – i don’t remember ANY of the situation she was talking about. I must have gotten triggered and went in “another direction”….I am really NOT as stupid as they think I am……I hope……(I hope “we” all can get our act together……)
MissyMing
07/11/2019
I can identify strongly with this. I work hard, am intelligent, but I have a habit of dissociating – especially when attempting to learn. It’s been a lifetime struggle. It causes me anxiety because I can’t trust myself. It also has cost me a career and faith in myself.
Understanding trauma (for me it was witnessing abuse), self-hatred, and narcissistic parenting are the things that helped the most. This was through therapy and a lot of reading. Meditation has also helped a great deal.
I am very slowly gaining confidence in myself and seeing a reduction in symptoms.
I hope things improve for you.
I
Ellen – I get it….I have gone in several directions of careers…..I start out well….then start getting triggered by stuff and then would totally lose sense of any confidence, where I fit, any sense of “trust” in others, any sense of “safety” and then would go into a completely different direction…..I hate even doing a resume – I look so scattered and lost…..I wish I could find where I fit in the world and in life….and be able to feel “OK”….really “OK”…..
MissyMing
09/11/19
Oh, how well I relate to the dreaded comment about getting confused easily! I only get confused easily when I am dealing with the trauma or my chronic pain is bad! The rest of the time, I have an excellent memory!
I recently had to go to the ER for side effects to an antibiotic and I had an unrelated headache. Because I covered my eyes, I got labeled as a problem patient! Even when I tried to fix the misunderstanding, he refused to give an inch.
Oh my….”trying to fix the misunderstanding” has gotten me more messed up than anything….when it is obvious that Outsiders are TOTALLY misinterpreting my blurted out statements and actions my Insiders go into an uproar……they felt SO unseen and unheard (evidently) during whatever the trauma was…they go into chaos when we see it happening on the Outside again…..I try to clamp my mouth shut and push them back down but the pressure builds SO bad…..
I know that Rage is there helping them to have a voice….they were too scared to back then….I knew that Rage was there (he was a bubbling volcano in my teens) – but he was so “disconnected” from everything I couldn’t figure out where he fit or even why he was there….but now I see him showing up when the young ones get triggered…..my trying to manage it all takes SO much energy….
Where is the dividing line? How do you “have a voice” but not TOO much “voice”? …..when have you said “too much” and now here come the dreaded unknown consequences…..I keep digging the hole I am in even deeper and don’t know how to throw the shovel out…..I told someone that if I keep digging I will end up somewhere in China! She said, “Don’t do that! It will just be worse on you – you don’t understand the language!” This is all such a maze and I feel totally blindfolded…..sigh…..
MissyMing
09/11/19
I’ve been down with a horrible flu all week and it’s not the first time I’ve noticed that whenever I’m sick I feel as if I’m going to die, or at least I want to die. I know there was at least one time as a child when I was molested while sick in bed. And if it happened once it probably happened infrequently. Is it possible that I associate the trauma of being molested with being sick and that’s why I feel this way?
Oh my gosh Debbie … I am not a professional just a fellow survivor but … YES, YES, YES!!! Part of my trauma has to do with hospitalizations. Combining illness and abuse is a powerful magnifier. To be reliving in your body illness can most certainly be a big trigger for reliving past abuse that happened when you were ill. It can certainly magnify the depth of suffering that you are feel now because it contains so much of the pain of the past. Good for you for seeing this. Now you can target healing in this direction.
ME+WE
03/29/19
Hi Debbie,
It sounds to me like that there is a connection there. Is there a way you can process this? Create some connections to the hear and now that you’re just sick and not going to be hurt again? Being sick is the worst. Then you have to deal with this on top of that; I’m sure recovering from your illness is difficult already.
I hope you recover quickly!
Thank you, I appreciate your perspective.
I did tell my parts that our abuser is dead and can’t hurt us anymore. However, I don’t know any of them very well, I haven’t been very good at communicating with them and I’m sure that’s mostly due to denial.
I want to change that now. I think I have to, I’ve been stuck for quite some time. I’m trying, always, to live as if I’m a singleton and as you probably know that just isn’t possible. It’s to the point that everything in my life has become an impossible burden.
Therapist using programming words maybe triggering Reality she is trustworthy but mind control history says she not.
Not sure where should be posts.
how do you get over someone that was trustworthy but know feel threatened?
most of the time the M/C comment can be pushed away. With the statement of, this is now not then.
Many common positive word were used on us for evil reason. The learning of the meanings were twisted into negative self destructive behaviors.
Two of the words were put together recently. Now parts are thrown into a state of Panic on who to trust.
How do we get back on track ? We need to see the truth about the words and know that these word are good words . they cannot control us anymore. With forcing us to do bad things.
The anxiety the body is having just writing it is overwhelming. The feet are runny . Even though we are in bed .
Hi Jessie,
Good for you for writing here. That was a very brave and smart thing for you to do. You know that your therapist is someone that you can trust and that she is using the words to help you not to hurt you like in the past. That is very good progress to have made. But, they are still scary and a bit triggering I am hearing.
Here is what I would suggest (if you can … this could be really hard to do) – take a piece of paper and write down all of the words that confuse you. You know that they can be good words but they were used for bad reasons in the past. So, give your therapist a list of these words so she can know which ones are hard for you to hear. Then she can start to help you know why these words hurt and maybe how you can see these words now as being for good.
Good job Jessie. Keep talking to your therapist about this so she knows what is happening. We are all here to help and listen too okay?!
Your friend,
ME+WE
02/11/19
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vigilance
Sleeping is not an option tonight I guess not really sure what’s happening. The body will not settle down. When I set on my bed it just gets back up.i am forcing myself at lest to stay in my room. Just for safety reason. It’s not fun not knowing what going on with in yourself.
Hello MeanMan,
I am so sorry that sleep did not want to come last night. I have had those times when my body seems to be charged with an electrical pulse and there is just no calming it down … no rest to be had. I try to ask my insiders what is going on but, more-often-then-not, they are silent. My doctor gave me sleeping pills to try and settle me down and that works sometimes. I also try to meditate to calm down my head. Usually I have to just wait it through. I will go to the living room, put on some mindless TV and wait for my body to fall asleep. Makes for a really rough day the next day with no sleep so I am mindful to be extra gentle with myself.
This is all to say MeanMan that some times you need to ride these times through and try to find understanding later. It helps if you have some strategies for dealing with these times worked out ahead of time. Above all, be kind with yourself. Your inside system is working some important stuff out and you need to just be patient and gentle with yourself. Try to do some fun and soothing things today.
Sending positive energy your way.
ME+WE
11/17/18
Hi MeanMan,
Ugh, not getting any sleep is the worst. Especially when we don’t know why or how to solve it. I get restless sometimes and not want to sleep, so I have to take something to help me go down. Is there a way you can take something that will help you relax physically that might help the mental and emotional part of you relax too? If you don’t think so, sometimes establishing a soothing bedtime routine will help. You probably already know that, but sometimes we need a reminder, right? Maybe writing about it here can help too?
Here’s to hoping you get some rest tonight and always,
MultipleMe
It’s 20 years past that my abuse ended and here I am sitting in a recovery house – I just stepped up from the hospital’s behavioral health unit 2 weeks ago. It all still feels like yesterday to me and I’m trying to learn to live my life this way. It’s really unfair for me, and all those that make up me, to be in this situation. I’m sure everyone here can relate. I’m just touching the tip of the berg in learning to deal and cope and live with my parts. I have been in this recovery house for almost 2 weeks and I will be leaving tomorrow. I’m looking forward to working with my regular therapist on these things. I guess I just wanted to share and get active in this community. Thanks for reading.
Hi jmnb,
So wonderful to hear your voice here. Welcome!!!
We have all been where you are at the beginning of your healing journey. It is a path of many little steps. I just want you to know here and now that understanding, coping, cooperation, co-consciousness and healthful living is possible. Yes – it does feel like the abuse is here and now because some of our folks are still stuck back there. Part of our work is to help them know and understand that they are safe now. That takes time and building communication with our insiders. But, it is all doable.
Thank you so much for sharing here. Personally, it is always wonderful to hear new voices here not because I want anyone to be suffering but because I know that you do not have to suffer alone. You are part of a wonderful community now jmnb. You are not alone. We are here to listen, support and offer help when and where we can.
Wishing you all the best as you transition to your regular therapist.
ME+WE
10/29/18
Thanks for commenting back! This seems to be a very supportive community.
I could barely sleep last night. Not sure if it was the typically uncomfortable not-your-mattress mattress or the excitement of leaving today. Or nervousness. I feel ready and I think my body is ready but maybe a part of me is not ready. There is a lot of support and peace here… support and peace that I know I will not get at home. :/
My home environment is as much a mess as I am. As if I had a hard enough time just dealing with myself! That’s a story for another thread I suppose.
I’m so ready to see my dog. He’s my emotional support animal and I love him to pieces. I guess we can’t attach pictures here… You would all love his adorableness. 🙂
Hi jmnb,
You are taking a big step today. I have been thinking of you and sending positive energy your way. I am sorry to hear that your home environment is not supportive or peaceful. ☹ Yes, certainly something that you can talk about here if you want to. We would also be anxious to hear how your transition home is going.
Oh you have a dog. How wonderful is that. You are sure to get a lot of loving from him. Check out Kathy’s article — Cats and Dogs and Trauma Survivors. Some times our four-legged friends are our best support and listeners not to mention their awesome cuddle-factor.
Take gentle care of yourself as you make these changes jmnb and know that you have support whenever you want it.
ME+WE
10/30/18
Hello janb
Welcome to The community. I find that we are very honest here . It’s so helpful that Kathy reviews every post befor it’s public.
My name is Missy and I’m one of many
Hey jmnb,
I just wanted to say welcome to DD. I think it’s great that you’re here and I hope you find all the help and comfort you would like.
It sounds like you’ve been going through quite a lot, to put it mildly. You are a survivor for sure! I really hope the transition back to life outside of the recovery house is harmless for you. It may not be easy, but I hope you can use what you learned in the recovery house out in “real life”.
It’s always intimidating when you first start working on system and trauma work. It really is all about taking one step at a time, remaining as teachable as possible and just doing the communication. Which is a lot by the way, but you can do it! And you’re not alone, because we here are all at different places on the journey.
Anyway, welcome!
MultipleMe
10/30/18
*** possible trigger, for word confusion. ***
I sent this text to a close friend. With out my knowledge of even sending it. It’s been a difficult day Obsessively cleaning everything and having no control over it. anything that could go in the wash machine went into the wash machine. Then into the dry. LEGO hard plastic animals and stuff toys. It’s fall here in New England. So mice are finding their way into homes in the Northeast United States This year dear overpopulated with them. That means it brings more inside.
I’m no to this primary parts every time we caught a mouse in a trap, a small volcano was starting to the irrupt.
It was interesting to read that text . Gibberish was coming out of my mouth. no idea what it was saying to me I could hear me say but I didn’t know what it was saying watching a poor little child being tortured what a messed up thing that’s going on right now. To Witness search ask being performed I can’t even express upset and How terrified I was that I couldn’t stop it from happening to her.
Hi Lori 2,
Wow … lots of turmoil and confusion. It may not be important for you to understand what was being said. Just know that someone inside needed to vent this. That is a purging, of sorts, of their trauma and that is a good thing. Silence traps the trauma inside to grow and fester and fill us with toxic thoughts, beliefs and memories. Getting that stuff out, no matter how, helps in the healing process enormously I feel.
It is gut-wrenching to see and feel in flashbacks, memories and body sensations what our little selves endured. I have felt great shame in the past that I have let my little ones hold on to the trauma because I was too fearful to see. I am opening that door now and am going through the trauma for myself. Horrible but healing in the long-run I know.
Our little ones could not speak of what they were going through let alone be comforted, grieve, get angry … feel the full scope of emotions that would quite rightly go with the abuse that they (we) suffered. That is what makes the healing process so difficult. Our insiders and Us (the folks out front) have to give ourselves the courageous, gentle, caring space to process those feelings.
Know that what your insider wrote here, Lori 2, is their attempt to get those feelings out. If this was one of my insiders, I would thank them for sharing their feelings, tell them that you do not fully understand what they are saying but am always willing to listen and encourage them to tell you more (if they want to). In other words, your insider has opened a door here for you. Thank them for that and see what they are willing to share inside.
ME+WE
10/14/18
I thought it was interesting that you used the word Jehovah. Are you one of Jehovah’s Witnesses?
Hello Cd
I don’t think so . But anything is possible. Far as I know this body never been baptized into any religion.
Something I wonder why it wasn’t.