Update:
The article below is from a previous time frame, and doesn’t apply in the current day – sorry about that. Ā It’s part of the history of this site, and we’ve moved to better options than the old-style IM-chats.
However, if you have stumbled across this article, and if you are interested in conversing with other DID trauma survivors, I encourage you to participate in the current area made available for group discussion:
Our Normal Complicated Selves ā a place to write about anything
Thoughts and discussions about opening a new forum are occurring as well. Ā This is not clearly decided yet, but do check back at this site for upcoming information.
Thanks for your interest!
Kathy
Original Article:
I have had an idea.
Would you all like to talk together — along with me — in a group conversation via Instant Messenger?
There are a lot of faithful regular readers here at DiscussingDissociation, and we have had a lot of interaction back and forth in the comment sections.Ā I greatly appreciate this interaction, and frankly, I think that reading and responding to your comments are the best parts of having this blog!
So the conversation element is really nice.Ā Itās important, and itās very helpful in terms of communicating and understanding each other.
At SurvivorForum, we have group IM chats every now and then.Ā Those that want to participate in this sign up ahead of time, we each set up our IM contacts so we are able to chat, and then we meet together in a live group IM chat setting for a group talk.Ā These chats have been helpful, and can be about any topic that is relevant to the group members participating in the chat.
Now, I donāt know if any of you all would be interested or willing to do something like that, but I thought I could offer it to you as something to consider.Ā What do you think?
If this goes well, we could potentially have regular group chats based on various topics that can be scheduled ahead of time.Ā For this first chat, I suggest the topics will be āIntroduction to the Group and Group ChatsāĀ (just so everyone can get familiar with how this works) and āBring Three Questions to ask Kathyā.Ā Ā
Donāt worry, if you all run out of questions to ask me, Iāll certainly have plenty of questions to ask you!
If you are interested in participating in this kind of group chat, please leave a comment below.Ā If it looks like there are enough people to meet, Iāll set a time in the near future.Ā Times will be based from the Central Standard Time Zone (currently daylights savings time).
I could potentially set up a calendar of times / topics so that people can know ahead of time if they want to sign up for a particular group chat.Ā If this idea catches on, we could feasibly have different live group chats on a frequent and regular basis.
Since this is a new option, Iām going to keep the price to $5.00 per chat for now.Ā Youāll be able to purchase your group chat through AbuseConsultants.Ā Ā Length of the chat, for now, will depend on the interest in this idea and the number of participants.Ā I assume, however, that the chat will be at least an hour in length, and quite possibly longer if there are more than five participants.
So what do you think?
If you are interested, please create a brand new MSN IM address to use for these chats ā create a new MSN IM address that is NOT your normal IM chat address.Ā Make sure to not use your real name while signing up for the chat name.Ā KEEP YOUR PRIVACY by using your blogging name, not your legal name.Ā Do not put your legal name on anything at all connected to this new IM address.Ā
It is very very important that you not hand out your real name and your real IM address to people that you do not know very well.Ā
By creating a totally separate DiscussingDissociation IM address, you will stay more protected.
I hope to be chatting with you soon!
Any questions or comments are welcome.
Kathy
Copyright Ā© 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
i would love a survivors chat if money is not involved thanks
Hi patty, and welcome to DiscussingDissociation.
Thank you for writing, and thanks for your interest.
Unfortunately, you’ve stumbled across an older article, and the IM chat option has ended. I’m sorry about that.
I’d like to encourage you to participate in the hundreds of comments that occur here in the blog, in all the threads. The central chatting area starts in Our Normal Complicated Selves ā a place to write about anything.
It’s free to comment and participate with the group here on this blog.
We’re looking into a new forum option (which won’t be free), but that is still in early stages. More to come about that at a later date.
Thanks for stopping by, and please keep reading.
Warmly,
Kathy
Thx.
Couldn’t make it anyhow.
Ones
OK I have MSN acct and stuff now, and even an emoticon that is mine.
So thats all I know.
But I proly cannot chat as I will be out tonite w/kids events.
What time is it gonna be on westcoast time? I never understand what the time zones mean.
Thx.
Ones
Hi Ones,
I’m glad to see you are ready with your MSN account.
The westcoast is two hours behind Central time, so that means that for you, the group chat would start at 5 pm.
If you can join in, please sign up with the $5 AbuseConsultants email consult.
I hope you can join us, but if we miss you this time, I hope you can join in next time!
Thanks!
Kathy
Hi Kathy,
I would love to chat sometime!
-Nel
Hey Everyone —
I’m thinking about scheduling the first Discussing Dissociation group chat for tomorrow evening… Saturday, June 6 / 09 at 7 pm, Central Standard Time, Daylight Savings Time.
I will write more about this later this evening so if you are interested and available at this time, please consider signing up!
Thanks, and more soon —
Kathy
Hi Nel,
It’s nice to meet you, and I hope you do join in with our group chat on Saturday evening!
Thanks for your interest here at Discussing Dissociation, and thanks for the comment. š
Kathy
This isn’t something I would participate in, but a few potential complications did occur to me.
— Would there be a presigned release and code of conduct for participants? If not, why not? What happens if someone in the chat reveals self-harm or suicidal ideation? How do you avoid the other potentially fragile chat members feeling triggered or responsible for that person?
— How would participants’ anonymity be assured, when payment via credit card must be made?
— Unlike with blog comments, there is no opportunity for the moderator to approve what participants say prior to its being said, and so the chances for someone to be accidentally hurt or confused are much greater. I say this particularly because quite a number of commenters here appear to allow young alters to “speak” or “write” in this context, and that seems to me to be fraught with peril, if those younger alters are participating in a discussion with people who are speaking as adults. It has caused misunderstanding and problems even in these blog comment threads, and I can’t imagine it wouldn’t be exponentially worse in a live chat.
hi David,
You’ve brought up some good questions and I’ve responded to a lot of these concerns in the “First Discussing Dissociation Chat” post. I think the main thing to remember is that by joining in with me in a group chat, it becomes a very informal type of online therapy. It’s more an educational discussion, but still, it becomes an official interaction with me as a licensed mental health professional. I treat that interaction the same as I do any other online work, and like with any therapist, there are confidentiality limits re: personal information.
Yes, I will know the name / contact information of the group participants, just as any therapist knows the name / contact information for the group members in their office. This group setting is not different than an office group setting except that it will be occurring in an online “office”. Yes, I am obligated by law to keep that personal information confidential. I sincerely hope everyone listens to my advice to sign up with an IM screen name / account that is NOT based on their real name. By doing that, they will not be giving out their personal information to anyone but me, and I cannot share that with anyone else.
And no, I cannot control what other people say in a group chat, but I have led a number of group chats before, and I have confidence that that this chat can go as well as those other group chats have gone. I do completely expect the chat members to follow proper social behaviors, and if someone is determined to behave inappropriately in group, I will take measures to address that situation as quickly and effectively as possible.
However, I think that dissociative people that are willing to participate in a group chat can be good conversationalists! I think everyone here is quite capable of handling a conversation, and the Question / Answer approach will help with keeping the conversation going easily. Other group chats through SurvivorForum.com have been very helpful, so… coming from that perspective, I have positive hopes that this group chat will also be positive and effective.
I guess we’ll let everyone know tomorrow evening how the chat went!! š
Kathy
Is the chat thing the thing thats on my google mail acct?
Hi muffled ones,
No, the chat thing for this particular group setting is not connected to google.
It is connected to http://www.msn.com — messenger . Go there to get a screen name for MSN messenger. Click on “messenger” (near the top left corner) and follow the guidelines they give you.
It’s free. And if you have any further questions about how to get MSN messenger, please post them here. Lots of people use MSN messenger, and surely as a group, we can get you through that process!
Kathy
TY for reinforcement of safety.
Yes it is good to save info.
Thinking for myself…..
I have a part that is stunningly intelligent.
But it lvs the others in its dust, so we not actually want it around much.
It tends to be a know it all and can be very irritating and embarassing.
Its somehwat offended by your last comment! ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!
Ya we dumb as stumps cuz generally we try not to think too much.
Just it made me laff that you said that!
No ikids round here, they GONE for now, happy days.
Talking to parts has GOTTA be annoying when ya dunno who the f ya talkin to ha ha ha!
Not to worry.
We used to making adjustments.
Just wanted to tell you you made me smile š
Ones
Hi Ones,
Yes, IM chats can definitely be saved — right from the IM itself, or copy-pasted into a word document. They are a great reference point to look back too, especially for people that are amnesiac to what they (or their system) say in therapeutic settings.
AND because of that, that is another reason to make sure that nothing too personal is said during a group chat — Do not give out your real name, or the details of where you live, or any kind of identifying information. But those are the same basic “safety’ rules we all follow out here in Blog-land anyway. Group chats can have the same personal safety and distance as that. We talk about the issues at hand without anyone really telling anyone else who they are or how to find them. Safety first!!!! I’m a really really big believer in that.
So yes, just think about the way you protect yourself out here while posting in public blogs, addressing issues with your dissociation, but you aren’t giving away specific personal information to other people that could use it against you. You’ve already found that balance — how to do your healing work in a public setting, but feeling safe about it because you are keeping personal details to yourself.
Thanks for your questions — I’m glad you are taking the time to really think about stuff, and checking things out. Thinking for yourself is very good.
Kathy
I Have no clue what I was thinking, sorry. Kinda messed but I am OK.
I am always interested in learning more.
If I am able to participate then that could be a way to get more information.
So IM chat can be saved and potentially posted elsewhere. Something to be considered. I had a friend who got big troubles from posting too much info š
I tape my T sessions because otherwise I not remember them much.
I am very tired.
Thx
Ones
oh no
Nother question, what time frame we looking at? Cuz my T away and I don’t wanna get even more messed than I already am cuz I got no backup w/her away. She be back in early June.
Reckon my best plan would be to write down questions I got in order of importance down so’s I ready ro ask.
Can you tell ahead how many gonna be there?
Is there a way of recording IM chat soās you can look back at it after to get whats missed?
Ya I piss ya off huh?
I just don’t trust noboddy really cuz there noone to trust. We’s all just human. Somes bad, somes good. Somes seem good but they bad. Somes seem bad but they good, and a whole mixed bag.
Thx
Ones
muffledones,
??? Did you think you said something to upset me??? oh no, no, no, I’m not upset in the slightest. You’re questions are quite reasonable, if you ask me. This is a whole new thing for you — it’s good that you are asking ahead of time and it’s very good to see you thinking for yourself. I think you are doing a good job, so no, I’m not upset at all.
We haven’t set a time frame for the chat yet – hopefully within this week. I’ll post the time when I get that figured out.
And yes, please do think ahead and have your questions written down and prepared ahead of time — that’s an excellent idea.
Yes, IM chats can be saved – I typically encourage people to do that, because they are good to have to read over and over. that’s part of the beauty of IM chats for people who struggle with memory loss and amnesia. Did anyone ever walk out of a session and wonder what you said??? The nice thing about IM chats is that you can save the chat, and go back and read for yourself because it’s all still there, word for word.
It’s not easy for dissociative trauma survivors to trust anyone – I completely understand that, so these kinds of questions are not to be unexpected, as far as I am concerned. You are doing well in having the courage to ask them!
All is well — ask anything else you want to ask.
Kathy
i’ve been in a group chat with kathy before and it went really well. it flowed smoothly. understandable to be nervous of it though. just wanted to say that i think kathy takes control over the chats in a very gentle and kind way. she has done other group im chats before. just fyi is all.
Ivory –
I totally understand that and that is absolutely ok. What is the very most important thing is that you feel safe, and if you aren’t comfortable participating in this kind of group chat, that is totally ok. I am glad that you are doing what you need to do, and it is true – you don’t know me very well — just from this blog.
The people that participate at SurvivorForum and the folks do get to know me as a person a lot better than the folks here at this blog. If you — or anyone here — wants to be able to get to know me better as a person, you are more than welcome to participate at SurvivorForum. There are free sections there – those sections are separate from the therapeutic membership areas — but you will still get a different view of who I am and how the group members interact with me. Everyone is invited to join in there, even if you are interested in only participating in the free areas. That is still ok, and you are still invited to be there.
Ivory – no one is going to force you to participate in this group chat. Not only is that not possible, but there is no need to do that, especially since you feel uncomfortable, and also, there is no “requirement” for anyone anywhere to join in the chat for any reason. You can keep as much distance as you need so there will be absolutely no invasion to you. You are allowed to say no, and that is ok. The group chat is purely an option to consider for those that would like to have a chance to speak directly with me in a more interactive way.
I value your participation at this blog, and I hope you keep yourself completely safe in every way possible.
Keep on doing what you’re doing – sounds like it’s working well for you.
Kathy
Oompaa,
Thanks for the vote of confidence!
I do work really hard to make group chats a productive and helpful experience for everyone there.
Kathy
I wouldn’t feel comfortable chatting. First, there’s no way to pay for it w/o giving you my full name (credit card). I can’t do that, it’s too invasive. And second, I’m blogging because I don’t want to pay for more counseling.
Sounds good, tho and I hope all who chat, profit from it.
Ivory
so, you got the ability to ahut down chat if it gets off the wall right?
Cuz ya, I chat B4 and lots times it OK, but other prob I find, is if more’n’about mabbe 5-6 people it becomes impossible for me to follow. Can you tell ahead how many gonna be there? I never done IM chat. Is there a way of recording IM chat so’s you can look back at it after to get whats missed? Cuz maybe someone comes, or gotta p/u kids or something, so miss some. Or blank out and miss some. Or just gotta go cuz overwhelm.
You better be real clear that people gotta not trust noone right? and not say personal revealing stuuf right?
You gonna have to explain IM chat cuz people like me not know how it works, or how to get it etc.
We read your stuff but we dunno who you are.
ones
Muffled Ones –
Yes, I’ll have the ability to shut down the chat – I’m pretty sure I can remove someone if they are causing a problem (I’ll practice that, and come back and tell you that for sure). I’ve never had to kick anyone out of group chat before … Really, the chats aren’t as crazy-making as they can be in the public chatrooms, especially because I have found that people are willing to be more respectful than that. As the leader, I’ll do what I can to keep it calm and beneficial for everyone, and everyone, please show up with your best social skills in mind.
And yes, I agree — no one should say anything that is private or identifying information about themselves. That is totally correct — everyone should keep in mind that really, everyone else is still a stranger to them. This is why I wanted to make the first chat a Question and Answer session where people can ask me questions, and I’ll answer stuff. That way, no one else has to say a whole about themselves. You will not be forced to say anything you don’t want to say, and for that matter, outside of pleasant hello’s and stating that you are present and reading the chat, etc you won’t be required to say much of anything.
And you all already have my name and contact info anyway – so… that’s all public information.
I’ll write more guidelines, etc when I get a chance. I’m racing off to an appt right now.
(including where to sign up, so MIS, you’ll see where to go do that).
I’m assuming the chat time will be at least an hour — possibly a little longer. IM’s seem to go by really quickly, but it looks like we’ll certainly have enough people to chat for the hour.
Ok – I’ll be back to write more later –
Kathy
I would be agreeable but nervous at the same time.
I might have missed this, but how long would the IM chat last?
I’m also not very techie so I would feel nervous doing an MSN IM. Could someone point me in the right direction?
M.I.S.
i would chat
I think IM is not the best medium. There are many chats online and they are like being in a classroom with everyone talking at the same time.
Reckon 5 bucks not so bad.
But how does it not be triggering?
I dunno, I kinda shy.
mebbe better to just read methinks….
Nice idea though.
Ones
ok, so this is good – I see some interest out there š that’s excellent! š
Of course, I certainly agree that meeting together in a room or on the phone would be better than an IM group, but… those are just not a legitimate options at the moment so… the idea of an IM chat is about being creative with what we can do. We are a group of people from all over the world, but… surely we can meet together and have a decent conversation for an hour or two. I believe that we can!
In the group chats I’ve had before, they were not “free for alls” — altho’ I do understand what you are referring to. I try to manage the IM group the same as an in-person group, and if things do get a little too confusing (as can happen in IM’s), then I’ll ask for everyone to stop typing – and to let me summarize what’s happening, or I’ll do some sort of something to get group cohesion happening again. Bottomline, I will do what I can as a leader to keep some semblance of control in the group discussion – all I ask is that you all do your part in that as well.
Yes, I will expect the “classroom” to recognize me as the group leader, and to follow the guidelines given (as needed) in terms of keeping positive and helpful conversation occurring. I’ll keep the group moving along in an effective way as long as you all will also follow my lead. I will expect people to be willing to listen to each other during the group chat (which means, not typing obsessively), taking turns, and respecting someone else who is talking by not interrupting them with something totally unrelated to what is being discussed at the time. Basically, I’ll expect the group members to use social skills and to be polite with each other.
I can write a few guidelines before we meet so that the “chat rules” are clearly stated before we start. For example, group meetings are not individual therapy. While I’m suggesting the topic of this initial group be introductions and asking me questions (which can be about anything related to dissociative disorders), I hope that starting with that idea is less triggering. Certainly this first group chat will not be geared towards addressing heavy trauma issues, so that should make it less triggering. I’ll address more about that when I write up the guidelines.
You all are making good points — thanks. The goal will be to make this chat as healthy and helpful as possible.
Are there any other concerns?
Kathy
i just saw that it’ll cost five bucks..i’ll use my mums credit card..don’t worry i’ll ask first…
im interested as long as it doesn’t cus money cus we be poor over here..