Do you remember the Discussing Dissociation article called “Holidays for DID Trauma Survivors… Making it Nice for the Littles”?
If you have not yet read that article, please check it out. It was written in reference to holidays during the Christmas season, but the points are still very much applicable today on Easter, and during Passover.
We have seen the numerous comments from people about how the Spring time holidays are difficult, painful, emotionally challenging, etc. I have been listening to dissociative trauma survivors for many years, and that is a consistent theme for survivors with DID/MPD.
While you cannot change the past, you can make a few things happen that will help you to feel better in the present.
At some point that works for you — don’t put this off forever! Do the memory work that is connected to the pain you feel about the Easter / Spring time holidays. Find the ones inside that have those horrible memories, listen to what happened to them, look at whatever images they need you to see to understand, address their concerns, and help to move them forward to the here and now.
Remember, as long as your internal parts stay stuck in time, and are internally locked in the past, they will continue to re-live and re-live and re-live those memories.
For survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder, memory work also includes doing internal system work and making changes in your internal landscapes. Read the articles, “Using the Internal Landscape to Increase Internal Communication” and “When It’s Dark and Scary on the Inside…” as guidelines for working with trauma memories.
Also, since many trauma memories are related to or contained by child parts, it is also important to refresh your memory on how to work with child parts. Have a glance back at “Thinking Ahead – Preparation for Working with your Child Parts” and “Understanding the Child Parts in the Dissociative System”.
Working with the child parts that hold the painful trauma memories, and helping them to find ways to reconnect with the here and now, both internally and externally, is crucial in your healing process. If you are still hurting today, and your trauma happened years ago, a great deal of that pain you feel is coming from the child parts that experienced the pain and abuse in real life.
Don’t avoid those little ones just because they are hurting.
That’s not going to help. It’s not going to help you feel better, and it’s certainly not going to help those little ones feel better. It’s not okay to repeat the patterns of neglect and avoidance that you might have seen from your own parental caregivers while growing up.
Be courageous as best you can, and do some kind things to help your child parts to heal.
Find ways to give something positive and fun to your child parts today.
Give them a piece of Easter candy, especially if they have never had the chance to have safe, and yummy “real” and actual candy before.
Let them have a picture of a little duck or a baby chick and spend a few minutes coloring or drawing a pretty spring picture, with fresh grass, safe flowers, colorful blossoms, etc.
Play a few fun games (not hurting games) with Easter eggs or colored toys.
Let them sing some favorite spiritual songs or say some prayers today.
Let them do anything that is fun for them, something that does not get to happen just any day, ie: watching a favorite show on television, having their favorite snacks, etc.
It doesn’t actually matter what you do with your kid parts as long as you do something nice, memorable, and positive for them, with them.
Give your kids a pleasant, positive memory today. Let something good become part of their life experience. The more you build something positive for their lives, the sooner your negative memories can be less enormous in proportion.
What good times are you going to have today?
Have you thought about making some cupcakes?
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
And maybe even some cupcakes or chocolates this week! 😀
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
october be the werstest time. it be even werser when the wether cool off and it feel like fall. haloween be so bad. we be trying to make october not so bad. it be hard to. becuse there be so many scary thinfs.
1. 1 halowen are talker lady took us out for ice cream on halowen. that did be the best. and we got to talk and talk. that be a real happy memery.
2. last year we took are pug to Pug O Ween and all the puggys did be drest up in costums and that did be so funny and he did have fun
3. just today we bot the tickits to go there agan. it be in 2 weeks. we got to get him a new costum. last year her wun a prize. we gona have him a costum and put him in the parade again.
4. next saterday nite we be going to the lantern festibol. when it get dark we gona ligt lanterns at let them go up in the sky. we wanted to do that a long long time.
How cool is that you and your pug won a prize last year. What was the costume? What will it be this year?
I am struggling with packing up the car and head for the mountains where no one can find us. I get this often through out the year, so feeling safe and at home is all I can do. I try to make it a safe and enjoyable time but they still do not trust. Sometimes I do feel that it would be better hiding in the mountains as well. They have that available in their internal landscape but they are smart about knowing the body in still in the real unsafe world. They are always on edge. I hope each year gets a little better for us but such a slow long process.
what do pepol ushally do for easter if they have a family?
i saw a lady write about her needed lots of good recipes to make for easter. do pepol eat with their family or somthing?
we dont do anything. just go to church. and get a easter basket. then it be just a reguler day.
do pepol have tradishins or somthing?
we color easter eggs
and we dont got to go to school on friday its a day off
and we like to go to church on easter but we dont ware a new dress or any thing becuse it scare us to dress uo
and we still get a easter basket
Kathy Broady says
Reblogged this on Discussing Dissociation and commented:
It’s Easter weekend. Do you need some ideas for how to make your weekend better for your insiders?
This article can give you lots of ideas of pleasant things to do.
Remember…. You all have had far tooooooo much abuse already. Do some kind and fun things with each other!
I’m thinking of you all….
I just wanted to thank you thank you thank you, for your blog and what it has done for us all as a system.
Our host was given a link to it and she has been reading it chronologically for the past week and is almost all the way through. She is still coming to terms with being a multiple but reading what you have to say has helped her to start wanting to communicate with us and be kind to us. She had inklings about us before and this got difficult so we retreated again but now is the right time. In particular I wanted to thank you for your emphasis of care for the littlies. There are alot around here and she has begun to take steps to acknowledge and care for them since reading here.
The other day she set aside safe time for them to come out and do some drawing and colouring, bubbles, play with the cat and listen to music that they love, even if she herself can’t stand it. She even spent an hour in the roof finding the storage boxes that contained some toys she used to use with her baby sitting work and let them choose some soft toys to keep in safe places for them around the house if they need them while they are out. She lives with people who don’t understand so she has to be careful, but the change from fear, denial and rejection to some level of acceptance and alot of care has been wonderful.
So thank you for your blog, your generosity of time when making it and your willingness to share knowledge and support.
i don like herting games 🙁
Thanks so much for this post and your blog; though I must admit it is REALLY sometimes emotionally difficult for me to read bc I have been denying my parts for years, just as I was denied and hurt when I was a child. Thus, what you said here, was particularly poignant:
“Working with the child parts that hold the painful trauma memories, and helping them to find ways to reconnect with the here and now, both internally and externally, is crucial in your healing process. **If you are still hurting today, and your trauma happened years ago, a great deal of that pain you feel is coming from the child parts that experienced the pain and abuse in real life.**
Don’t avoid those little ones just because they are hurting.
That’s not going to help. It’s not going to help you feel better, and it’s certainly not going to help those little ones feel better. It’s not ok to repeat the patterns of neglect and avoidance that you might have seen from your own parental caregivers while growing up.”
I don’t have a DID tx (bc of insurance & financial reasons) and while I was in 6 months of php women’s trauma tx, I wasn’t taught any of these skills. And no one (T and Psychiatrist-wise) could make sense of my “uncontrolled age regression”. It wasn’t out of the ordinary behavior per say (at least not in a trauma program!), probably very “typical” in the dissociative spectrum with “aspects of self that were not chronologically the same age as me”. I was taught how to ground myself while depersonalizing, but nothing about how to cope with, help, etc. my “parts” that I wasn’t sure existed (I thought it was all made up). At some point in the last year I realized that “stepping on them”, telling them to shut up, ignoring them was not helping me and not going to help them. I tried to be nice to them for our birthday bc although I don’t remember any particular trauma happening then, birthdays are horrific. I, even this year, despite all efforts at remaining stable and enjoying the day–ended up totally unsafe & in a lot of emotional pain. I let them pick out and bought the most active parts that I know about a small present they would enjoy, a card, wrapped them and everything. I have also tried having parts write each other letters (I have one example posted on my blog), having me write them letters, and some other things–bc I have no idea how to work with them, help them, and we are all in a tremendous amount of pain. I def. look forward to reading a lot of the linked posts you mentioned in this blog bc I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just doing my best with what I’ve got. Thank you again for this post, Kathy. Enjoy the upcoming holidays!
~Joy et al.
I just found your blog from Vague at Searching for Clarity. Love this blog! I really struggled with Easter this year. I think, in some ways, this holiday is more difficult than Christmas for me.
I bought some beautiful irises and yellow mini carnations and I sent my little parts a card with cute puppies and kitties on it. Also, just did some grieving and will process some specific memories with my therapist on Thursday.
This would be such a fantastic post for THE BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE. We have a lot of dissociative readers who would still benefit from this information. Details–deadline for April is Wednesday–are at my blog. Thanks, in advance, for considering.
Kathy Broady says
Thanks for your very kind words. And thanks, Vague, for the link over. 🙂
Marjakathriver, I’m pleased to hear that you took an active stance in your healing journey this year. It’s always excellent to hear when someone does kind, soothing things for their inside ones.
I’d be honored to have this post, or any of the Discussing Dissociation posts in The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I’ll certainly check it out — thanks for the info!
I wish you the best on your healing journey,
i didn’t get to do anything special with my littles,i took a prn and that kept me sleep until about now. Tomorrow i am taking them for half price Easter candy which we all will enjoy, and then we are to have early dinner with my mum, and then i have to work. which they love to go to work with me because the little girls i work with have lots and lots of toys..and we usually bake cupcakes or cookies, and do arts and crafts and watch movies together. Though i am always there and in charge, my littles get to be apart of that too..
we colored eggs. have done this a few years now, but had some new participants this year 🙂 The easter bunny brought toys and candy. Our spiritual parts went to church.
Spent time with the family which was hard, but overall, it was ok.
Hmmmm – Hope everyone is busy reclaiming this time of renewal. Thanks for all the excellent links and posting Kathy.
Look forward to hearing what people managed to come up with to do today