April is Child Abuse Prevention month.
Education is one of the biggest factors in the prevention of child abuse. Those of you that have been sexually abused or physically abused know the effects of that abuse all too well. Child abuse can affect the entire life of the survivor, and the seriousness of its effects cannot be ignored.
If you are a trauma survivor, you can help to inform others about the seriousness of sexual abuse.
Are you the supportive loved one of a trauma survivor?
Are you the parent of an abused child?
Are you the spouse / partner of a trauma survivor?
Did you complete a Negative Impact of Childhood Sexual Abuse Survey?
To help further understand the implications of treatment for childhood sexual abuse, AbuseConsultants appreciated your participation in an educational survey, NICSA Survey. Your responses were kept completely anonymous. Additional comments were welcomed as well.
The following areas of impact were included on the NICSA Survey:
- Addictions
- Anger Issues
- Anxiety and Panic
- Bipolar Disorder
- Criminal Histories
- Damaged Relationships
- Depression
- Destroyed Career
- Detachment from Self or Others
- DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder)
- Eating Disorders
- Experienced Losses in Life
- Fear
- Increased Medical Complications
- Lack Parenting Skills
- Long Term Disability
- Loss of Education
- Mental Health Problems
- Mental Torment
- Mistrust
- Numbness or lack of feeling in the body
- Ongoing Violence and Abuse
- Poor Coping Skills
- Poor Medical Assistance
- Poor Self Care
- Poor Therapeutic Relationships
- Poverty / Financial Devastation
- Self Destruction and Self Mutilation
- Self Esteem Issues
- Sexual Deviations
- Sexual Problems
- Sleep Complications
- Suicidal Ideation and Behavior
- Suicide / Death
Do you relate to any of these areas of impact?
Has your childhood sexual abuse complicated your life in any of these ways?
How severely has your abuse affected your life?
If only someone had been able to prevent the abuse from happening in your life…..
———
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2017 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
Yet kids in care are killed constantly. Now everyone is calling child services even when there is no concern to.
It’s going from one extreme to the other.
Believe me it’s not fun when a jealous friend calls on you because they know how to scare you. ( threats of getting your kids taken).
There is a place for child protection. However, I’ve experienced the system being abused and taken advantage of.
I came to a helpful realization recently. No one ever helped or deflected any of sexual, physical, emotional, spiritual abuse I suffered and it always bothered me. I heard kids talk about my family so neighbors knew things were not ok there. I’ve spent my whole life trying just to survive my hideous childhood, with not very much help ever offered. I happened to read recently that in the 50’s there WAS NO child protection services in place. It made me a bit less sad that no one ever helped me (one teacher abused me and a whole classsroom so bad she was fired – but ONLY after a whole school year passed) because people did not interfere in “family business” back then.
There is no day in my life that the past abuse doesn’t affect me in some way. Good days are when the effects are minimal. I was robbed, defiled, terrorized, forced to perpetrate on other children and thoroughly screwed up. BUT, I am still a valuable member of society with something to offer – no thanks to my family of origin.
hhee, my kids will tell on themselves too. My daughter broke her arm last week while playing at a neighbours, while we were waiting at ER to be triaged, in her little scrunched up tear stained face, she said Mom, if the nurse hurts me when she is examining it, I might kick her ok, I dont think I can control myself and Ill try not to kick her hard!(shes 8yrs old). She was so serious and sincere when saying this. Good thing you only had to look at it to see it was broken :), so no kicking happened :).
Castor girl, I know what you mean, there is a difference between loosing your cool and being verbally abusive. But I will tell you, my son plays soccer at a very high level, and I have witnessed so pretty crazy parents screaming and yelling (not in a good way)at their kids on and off the field, if their kid in their eyes is not playing good, but if I was to report all of these I would be calling every week, although I did call once as I saw a Dad get physical too with his son after a game, and this parent at a reputation for being verbally abusive to other players, ref, other spectators etc., this was definately not a parent you would approach yourself. I think really the main thing is to have common sense. But your example of the man dying because he helped…tough call, if we become a society that watches and does nothing to help, its sad. A few months ago there was an incident on a city bus here, two drunk teenage girls were hassling an older man , a woman stepped in and they turned on her, and dragged her off the bus and beat her up while there was several people stood watching, and as she said big men, its sad that none of these men tried to intervene and it was the bus driver that called police not bystanders.
rdrunner68,
You sound like me in so many ways.
I will tell my kids that I am grumpy, in a bad mood, whatever and to give me a little space. They will, sometimes..lol.
They have been taught to take 100% responsibility for all of their actions and I do the same in return. All of us screw up, adults and children.We are human, humans make mistakes.
When the kids were younger and there was a lot more time spent explaining causes and effects to them, people would look at me like it was a strange thing to do. But as a result of all that talking and explaining when they were younger, I have the most amazing kids. Who even tell on themselves….lol
rdrunner, I think we’re talking about very different scenarios. I was referring to witnessing abuse and needing to act. Having taken toddlers shopping, I know the stress that scenario can bring. But if I witnessed someone verbally abusing their children I would notify authorities. There is also a difference between a parent losing their cool and an abusive parent degrading their child in public. If I was in doubt as to which the scenario I was confronted with fell into, I would always err on the side of wanting to over-react than not act at all.
Castorgirl, rdunner, and juliewtf,
Thanks for your comments.
Here in Texas, and I assume in all of the USA, we are supposed to report any SUSPICION of abuse to the authorities, so that is very in keeping with what you are saying, to err on the side of “over-reacting” than not at all. It is better to do something than nothing, especially if there is any reason to suspect you are seeing just the tip of the iceberg. If you are seeing something abusive in public, just think about how much additional abuse could be happening in private!!
I also think that finding safe ways to make the report is crucial — as shown in the various examples you all have been sharing in this thread.
It just makes this trauma therapist very happy to see that there is a growing and building group of people in the world that are willing to stand up for a child being hurt. In my opinion, it is crucial to protect abused children. Of course in doing so, find whatever method of reporting the abuse that is safe – no one wants to set anyone else up for more abuse, that’s for sure!!! But calling the authorities anonymously or asking another professional to do the reporting, or helping to diffuse a situation are all helpful steps.
If only someone had stepped in and done something to protect you and your loved ones …. can you imagine how your lives would have been different??
Thanks for being willing to make a difference in the lives of others.
Kathy
As a parent I have to say re mother losing it in grocery store, grocery shopping with a young child is very stressful, and one cant always leave them behind and do it alone. Take a stressed out exhausted Mom and a cranky or hyper toddler, and boom possible disaster, I was somewhere or maybe someone else was and I observed it, and the speaker talked about this scenario and about offering assistance to mother, or understanding that what you see doesnt tell the whole story..you dont know, this mother could have just come from a very difficult therapy session..:),
Every situation is different and the likely hood of mother stabbing you in a grocery store is not high, worse case is she yells at you to get lost and mind your own business. Ive witnessed that scenario and just told the mom I knew how she feels, take a few deep breaths, and talked to the child to distract from the situation and allow things to deescalate, the Mom thanked me, and we joked about how grocery shopping with a young child is nervous breakdown matieral sometimes. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, in fact someone recently told me, parents that try to be overly perfect create very anxious kids. The main thing is we recognised mistakes and shortcomings and try to correct them. When I feel I am close to loosing it, I tell my kids I am very angry and need some space to calm down and we will talk about things when everyone is calm. If I do loose it yelling or spasing as my kids call it, I do apoligise and and talk about what I was feeling and percieving, ie take responsibility and they usually will end up recognising their part in the situation, and take responsibility too within their age capability of course. I am not talking about blaming my kids for my behaviour here, actually the opposite, each of us taking responsiblity for our own actions and behaviours and trying to teach my kids and remind myself that we can choose how we react to things, if we stop and take a breath and a step back. Sorry if I am trying to sound like the perfect parent I am far from it, and my greatest fear is they will end up messed up because of me. I am amazed when I see that they are happy, well adjusted, doing well in school and extra curicular stuff, no one would guess in a million years that their Mom is what she is and I am constantly keeping my fingers crossed that we can keep things together and they continue to be happy etc.
Sorry, but I disagree that approaching a parent who loses it and physically assaults their child in a store will assist in any way. This one approach will not teach the parent anything long term, as very little can be done with a one off encounter. I’m not saying that they shouldn’t be approached – sometimes small acts of kindness mean a huge amount. It could also deflect the abuse away from the child and towards someone else – you. Are you strong enough to cope with that? Is the child in enough danger that you MUST intervene now, or can you get help?
Abuse of any sort is everyone’s problem.
We all must take a stand and do what we can, where we can to stop and prevent it. But we also must be realistic…
Recently there was a case where a man stepped in when a woman was being attacked in an alley way just after work, the good Samaritan was stabbed and died on the scene. His family and friends all said that this was the sort of man he was, he wouldn’t have acted in any other way. How many other people would go to someone’s aid like this?
Two years I was on the bus going to work. The bus was empty with the exception of a family with two very young girls. I saw the cigarette burns on the youngest ones legs. I also saw that the adult male with them looked big, mean and intimidating. My only option was to call the police when I got off at the next stop and tell them which bus the family was on. I got a call later saying that the police had caught up with the family and they were being questioned. They also told me that the male was a gang prospect. Abuse was part of that gang’s lifestyle, an approach by me would have just meant that I was targeted for gang intimidation. I sidestepped that by going straight to the police.
We all need to act when we see any sign of abuse, but that action needs to be appropriate. It’s better to over-react than not react at all. If the authorities are called when there is verbal or physical abuse, then the situation can be monitored and that long term help is more likely to be given and followed through.
This is of course assuming that the authorities will do their job properly, which I know doesn’t always happen.
In my case, I was psychologically abused before the sexual and physical abuse started. The psychological abuse groomed me for the sexual and physical. No form of abuse can be underestimated in its impact.
Good points made.
It is good to hear stories of times when people dared to report the offender / abuse to the authorities. Think of how your life might have been different if a stranger had cared enough to report the abuse that was happening to you. I know the child protection agencies aren’t perfect, and they are typically understaffed and underpaid, but doing nothing is worse.
Thank you to everyone that has sent in a NICSA Survey response this week via AbuseConsultants.com. As expected, many of you have shown that there has been a definite Negative Impact of Childhood Sexual Abuse in your life.
I hope you are actively involved in the healing process, and that the impact of your wounding dwindles as your healing increases…
Kathy
It is my belief, that any abuse of any child, effects us all.
Every time someone turns their head or doesnt pick up the phone and do something, then they are contributing to abuse of that child. I know that many will not agree with me. That is okay.
I have known to many children directly abused. Whether this is a slap across the face in the middle of the grocery store, being humiliated in front of peers, or those horrible abuses that are hidden from the public eye. There is ALWAYS some sign, somewhere. It IS everyone’s business!!!
There were so many authorities and adults that could have/should have done something to help me and so many others, when I was a child. I do understand why they didn’t. But this is a new time, with new understandings. There is NO excuse to not do something. If you are uncomfortable doing anything directly with the authorities, then tell a doctor, a therapist, a teacher, someone.
Recently, a 19 year old told me that they had sex with a barely 14 year old. I knew this to be wrong, knew something had to be done. The circumstances were such, that I didnt feel comfortable, just calling and reporting it. I knew the therapist that this person was about to start seeing. So I went to them and put it in they’re hands. Yes, I feel bad about putting it off on someone else. But something had to be done, I couldnt just let it go, and doctors and therapists, are used to dealing with these situations, a lot more then most of us.
If you see a Mother “losing it” in the store, instead of walking away or jumping down her throat, why not walk up to her, tell her you understand her frustrations, befriend her, be the shoulder that she may need. It might be the first time she “lost it” with her child. Stand and listen to her. You might be pleasantly surprised. Don’t judge her (I know, easier said then done)
In my opinion, sexual abuse, is along a different line. Befriending them and being there, probably won’t stop. REPORT IT! But physical abuse, might be able to be stopped if the parents are taught, emotionally supported, lent a helping hand. Lots of physical ( and some emotional) abuse comes exhaustion, frustration and ignorance.
Sexual abuse is definitely on an hold another level……….and every little touch can lead to a life time of problems.