Okay. So I was all kinds of optimistic and hopeful that the Showtime series, United States of Tara, would be a positive statement for Dissociative Identity Disorder. After all, Showtime interviewed Dr. Richard Kluft, an informed psychiatrist, one of the founding fathers of the treatment of DID/MPD. That was a good sign, wasn’t it?
Well.
As a trauma therapist with 20+ years of clinical experience working with multiples, I have to say I’m quite frustrated that Showtime has presented multiplicity in this way.
First of all, the word is dissociation. Pronounced di-soh-see-ay-shun. The word is not disassociation. There is no additional “a” sound in the word. Saying dis-a-soh-see-ay-shun is the wrong pronunciation and a different word altogether.
Secondly, there is not a medication that can remove or prevent or end Dissociative Identity Disorder. Medications can address various symptoms, and can even slow the thinking down, but medication cannot remove multiplicity.
The idea of drugging away the parts is particularly offensive to me, and as far as I am concerned, it is totally opposite to genuine treatment. Insiders are there for a reason, and promoting the idea that the inside can be drugged into silence seems abusive to me. This idea is absolutely absurd and smacks of perpetrative behavior.
Moving on…
I understand the idea of “creating additional drama” for the sake of entertainment and to get a viewing audience. Fine.
And I can understand that the visual presentation of the various alters is metaphorical for how switching feels from within. It is true — or can be true — that when insiders surface on the outside, they “feel” like they look on the inside. Insiders are often confused and upset about looking externally very different than they feel internally. They are convinced they are shorter, or wearing different clothes, or have different hair, or are even a different gender, etc. And yes, internal parts are very often adamant about being a very different person from the host personality.
For the Tara show, the insiders get to look as extremely different on the outside as they feel on the inside. However, it’s not typical for DID’ers to actually present so drastically even if they wish they could.
The different presentations of Tara are excessive, but it makes the point, and it helps the viewing audience to catch on to a switch to one part from another. I would have hoped the viewing audience did not have to have that much help in recognizing switching, but maybe they do.
Now to my biggest beef about United States of Tara: the criminal behavior.
I suppose that somewhere out there in the world, there are multiples that beat up teenagers on school property, break in to and vandalize homes of others, urinate on others while sleeping, froth and drool in public, and sexually assault their child’s underage boyfriend. I suppose I cannot say that no multiple in the world would ever do that.
But really?!!! Is this the kind of message that we want the viewing audience to have about DID? Do multiples really present as the criminally insane?
Not to me!
The multiples I have met in the past 20+ years are not out-of-control monsters like this. Their inside parts know that there is a legal body age, and while they typically feel younger than the body age, the insiders have an understanding that they are not actually the same as outside people of that age.
DIDer’s might have flashbacks or a hard time functioning or emotional outbursts, but typically, trauma survivors will have enough self-control to manage their behavior without committing a crime in public.
Showtime crossed the line by making Tara a sex offender.
It is true that many multiples have been tangled up in sexual crimes, but typically, multiples that are in treatment have not chosen the life of a sex offender. All too many trauma survivors were forced to perpetrate as part of their victimization by organized perpetrator groups, or even by violent single abusers, but being forced to hurt others is not anything near the same as purposefully deciding to sexually offend in the day world.
Most multiples are not sexually inappropriate of their own volition.
For the writers of United States of Tara to present multiplicity in this light is cruel and inaccurate.
I’m disappointed, to say the least.
What a slam.
A great big huge insulting ridiculous slam.
I am not impressed.
- What do you think?
- What are your thoughts about the show United States of Tara?
- Are you criminally insane?
- Would you do the behaviors that Tara is doing on this show?
- If you are multiple, what are your feelings about being portrayed in this way?
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2017 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
Honestly, I have not watched the show so … I am just going by the clips that I have seen and the things that I have read about the show. So, I own up to that.
I do have a problem with how DID is used and shown in the media/TV/movies because a lot of folks watching do not understand that “it is just a show”. They think this is how DID folks really live and act. They think that it is real.
That I have a problem with because it perpetuates falsehoods about DID. Let’s face it, there are already too many myths and falsehoods about what DID is out there … even in the professional world … so ya, I am very touchy about this subject.
ME+WE
06/06/2022
Its just a show, if you are going to take a fictional show seriously you should go ahead and take scooby-doo and spongebob seriously too. Its in no way a docuseries and in no way did it imply that it was based on true events. I have a friend with D.I.D that can watch this show and laugh because she understands that its not based on the real thing. You can’t take everything so literal. It was an amazing and funny show meant to entertain and it did the job.
HSand09
Absolutely love this show. Like any show that is not a documentary you need to take with a grain of salt. This was just a fun comedy. I would not look at the show any differently then I would Crosby show, Brady Bunch or it is Eight is Enough. All families have their issues. So I personally think it was done in great taste. Was it accurate to us nope some issues yes. neither are any of those other shows. It was just a comedy and it was funny. I even recommended to my children to watch it. If it was a documentary I would feel different. It was not a documentary And you didn’t claim to be. It was just a comedy.! Which was greatly appreciated that they didn’t make it another harsh show about dissociated people.
Do we change our clothes each switch? no. However do have male parts check out What they’re wearing? Yes they do… they will change if feel that we are looking to girlish. Do we go around peeing on people ? No we do have some primitive, Domestic ,Child, bossy and teens.
So let’s just look at this has entertainment and nothing else
What do you think? I
thought it was just a show to entertain people just like any other show. The Crosbys The Brady Bunch any of them.
What are your thoughts about the show United States of Tara?
She didn’t have any responsibilities for her own actions. I think it’s someway she try to figure it out. The show reflected my early treatment of being DiD. with the system doing their own thing
Are you criminally insane?
Criminal behavior yes. My very own Mr D got so mad at one of my friends boyfriend, assaulted him and got arrested . We are a well respected member of the community , I ended up getting probation for a year. The judge the police officer said “this is not like you I don’t understand what happened but you better figure it out probation for one year! ” that’s what I got
Would you do the behaviors that Tara is doing on this show?
We have yelled at other people’s kids never have We hit one. The system does have a sexual active teen. However she act out with the body age group. Or older. The outside birth kids were able to send the body to our room. If I was being overwhelming with my behavior. The one thing I total disagreed with about the show. Her son was always put in the middle of her drama. My outside children always called me mom. Never by any other name
If you are multiple, what are your feelings about being portrayed in this way?
I Like this way how much better than the psycho killer. Like any other sitcom TV show portraying family life , I feel the show did an OK job with the topic they had to deal with. We have to remember it’s entertainment! is come along way from everybody like us being serial killers and psychopaths. This was a documentary I would totally disagree with it and yes I’m emphasizing on it’s just entertainment. Like any other TV show
Years ago my husband worked at a hospital that treated DID. All his friends were therapists there. One night all of us went out to dinner. Several of them made jokes about the people with DID and how weird they were.
I bet they just LOVED seeing United States of Tara. More fodder for their terrible jokes.
I wanted so bad that night to announce they were all sitting with “one of those multiples” right there at that table.
I should have.
Kinda wish U had, their reactions might have been jolly good fun!
Well said Kathy!! I live in the UK so I don’t get that show, but what you have shared about it disgusts me. As if we don’t have enough problems with staying hidden and misunderstanding from people, tv goes and makes it worse!! Thankyou for sticking by us xxx
I am new to all of this. Having recently been diagnosed with DID. My therapists know my others but I haven’t personally experienced any of them, that I’m aware of. I’m having a hard time accepting the diagnosis. Although, I have a husband like the one portrayed in the show and am thankful for that. I relate to a lot of what the show portrays but I can never recall what they switching. Does it really happen that way? Can you just switch in the middle of something? If that’s the case, it makes me never want to leave my house. My therapists say when I switch, it’s seemless. I don’t know how it could be like the show and survive in this culture. Again, I’m having a hard time even accepting the validity of DID let alone the diagnosis that I have it. I’ve been looking all ver the internet for answers and apparently, everyone disagrees with everyone. I’ve see you tube videos that look like cruel jokes to me and some make it appear fashionable and quirky to have DID. if it is real, then why isn’t there real demonstrative examples of it? If it’s not real, then why do some believe in it so confidently. I feel in some ways as if DID is likened to Fibromyalgia…nobody really knows what is wrong so let’s diagnose you with something we made up so we don’t have to figure out what’s really wrong. But DID also makes perfect sense in a psychological way and if predicated by trauma is a precursor, then I should have it in spades. I’m lost. The show has both helped me understand some things and confused me in other areas. It certainly makes me want to keep my diagnosis a secret. Having said that, why is that we who suffer should keep silent? Aren’t we all taught as children that it’s okay to ask for help? I thought the internet had the answers to almost anytbing…until I looked up DID. Apparently, it’s a game to the psychological establishment…some say yes, some say no, some say maybe. So many smart people, so many stupid responses. I was hoping that the show could enlighten me and although my husband says he sees a lot of me in the show; all I see is a reason not to exist.
Yes Darlene, absolutely and amen, just like fibromyalgia, another catch-all or garbage bin dx the specialists can debate for hours on end.
Fibro is also, coincidentally, generally ascribed only to middle-aged women who may or may not also be depressed!
I’d like to add: I absolutely believe that this show was crafted as disinformation, probably because the CIA and other perpetrator groups have seen such numbers of their experimental subjects begin remembering their experiences that they need to discredit us all as a group.
What a valuable and quite possibly highly accurate insight! You may indeed be quite right.
Yes, I too deplore that MPD or DID has become “cool” and “trendy” in some, primarily Hollywood circles. That only encourages potential “poseurs” who may struggle w/ Munchausen tendencies (must plead the 5th here), or may have had “inappropriate” relationships w/ therapists for prolonged periods (not just once, but twice!), and therefore, trying extra hard to “please” them (who knows?)
Whether or not our own personal situation evolved and became so “out-of-control” due to iatrogenesis or was spontaneously organic will likely remain forever a mystery.
Regaining custody of our offspring required becoming unusually facile at dissembling and disavowal for the benefit of the court system and CPS.
Further or future therapy remains out of the question due to the presence of at least one “working girl,” determined to sabotage any therapeutic relationship by seducing the doctor we see.
Also, very few are willing to even tackle our “problems” after glimpsing the voluminous medical records. Usually, we have been “referred out.”
At least our cloistered life for the first time is now relatively peaceful and uneventful, provided we avoid potentially “triggering” situations like the plague. Obviously, this precludes most 1:1 clinical examinations or “therapeutic” relationships.
Nevertheless, it is validating to engage w/ or at least read about others who may or may not have “survived” the “satanic panic” which once gripped the U.S. prior to Y2K.
So many lives were hijacked after having MPD or DID indelibly branded into our foreheads, the Scarlet Letter or Red Badge of Courage we now wear in perpetuity as penance for our collective sins, or was it actually the Sins of our Fathers?
I am finding this show frustrating as well. First of all, one date rape or whatever at 16 does not create multiple personalities. If you haven’t split as a young child, you aren’t ever going to split. Two I don’t like the exaggerated alters, nor that she wardrobes them, and since DID is an illness to create functionality, I resent them portraying the character as destroying functionality. I don’t like either the rule of not sleeping with alters for her husband. The OLDEST alter I have who has sex is 16 and there are many younger. If sex were kept to my adult persona, I would never have it. I resent the way her illness makes the whole family fun all around her. I could see DID fakers doing that for some kind of Munchausen’s which is NOT DID by the way, but it’s hardly my experience. I don’t know whether it is believable that she can have a man who presents as having no needs at all, needs no compromise and him and the entire family are all there for her while she acts like a spoiled git. My experience is working two jobs and only remembering one or the other at any given time, spending time in hospitals because of the massive guilt I felt at not doing everything right for my family, the terror of falling apart when my family needed me. I remember being horrified I would forget where my children went to school and not be able to pick them up. And nobody was there for me. Nobody ever has been. Must be nice to be so rich too when my illness manifests itself by making sure I come out last financially, emotionally and every other way and then hating myself for that, too. How does she work? How does she sustain long term relationships? And my alters have the same value system. What kind of value system does she have that she can make out with her son’s boyfriend? DID isn’t caused by one event. It’s caused by extreme neglect, physical sexual and/or emotional abuse in infanthood or early childhood and having absolutely nowhere to turn, having all that cut off from you by those same abusers. That is WHY a person splits. If the show’s secret was that she was forced into sex with her dad while her mom beat her up for trying to steal her husband (while she was one or two), then ok. But then, why is she entertaining her parents in her home. And if a family is that ill, there is no way the sister is somehow an innocent or probably remotely healthy either. Watching this show makes me angry. I think the only thing they get right is the devastation to children trying to cope with the illness often coming first simply because you can’t control it, and sideways, the astonishing guilt because of that (which Tara’s entire enabling family doesn’t seem to hold her accountable for).
From your description, I hate it! But I quit watching television in 1974 (with maybe 100 hours watched since then), and your description of this show says why: TV is a huge misinformation/disinformation enterprise – selling us ideas always in someone else’s benefit. It’s in the culture’s benefit to misrepresent and confuse images about who we are. As a “high-functioning” (sometimes) multiple (I prefer this term), I’m really offended. Our work of explaining our condition to others has been made infinitely more difficult with these sorts of images.
If you have DID, you are not alone.
Hello Ray,
Thanks for the comment, and welcome to Discussing Dissociation. What you have said is very true. Nowadays there are lots of wonderful resources available for dissociative folks, and thousands of dissociative survivors who are living it too. There are bunches ‘n bunches of people out here who understand and relate well with DID. No one has to struggle alone….
Warmly,
Kathy
After watching the very first episode, I wrote Showtime about the very concerns you mentioned above.
I am troubled that Kluft would allow his name to be associated with such a production.
The show has had a negative effect on my life. Prior to US of T, I told a couple of close, mature, dear friends about my multiplicity; ‘telling’ allowed me to feel less isolated. Now, however, I do not dare to tell anyone, lest I be labeled a dangerous crackpot. I am very alone.
I am ashamed of ‘Tara’ and now ashamed to be known as a multiple.
given – tara might be an extreme example (that’s what the media is all about, drama and spectacle) but does the show really present such an unrealistic portrayal of a DID survivor? i see it stressed repeatedly that everyone’s case is unique. the crimes she commits aren’t so unbelievable in context, and she’s dealing with largely uncooperative alters like maggiegrrl (above) experiences. everyone lives by their own internal compass and it doesn’t necessarily matter what another member of the system thinks. and as far as her treatment, she lives in suburban kansas. even though struggling to “integrate” is not the correct course of action, isn’t it possible there’s a lack of qualified professionals in her town? obviously the treatment isn’t working great for her (despite her lack of transitions with the help of medication) as you continue to see in later seasons (and there is a child altar! yay!)
but i’ll give you this – a popular portrayal of a DID survivor like United States of Tara probably does serve to distort common perception of those who live with the condition.
it’s also problematic because it can inspire people to model this of behavior, ultimately confirming the false perceptions.
this is normal procedure in mass media, popularizing false stereotypes helps to stigmatize minorities which makes it easier to lock populations up and the like. this is sneaky cuz tara seems so honest and real (yet highly marketable)
i believe that this show is over-the-top and not completely accurate (“costumes” and such) but as someone very new to the process of cooperation i can relate to it in a lot of ways. for the record, there are some anti-psychotics that can be used to reduce switching…not “cure” it or whatever but reduce it. that of course brings up the issue of whether or not that is being abusive to others in the system..something we are discussing with the therapist right now. i wasn’t put on an anti-psychotic for that reason but have been on one for many years, only recently discovering that it can interrupt the switching…well, what i call “blackout switching” which isn’ something i have experienced very often… so anyway…there are those in our sysem tha refuse to accept/believe that we live in the same body…we are working toward living together as a cooperative, instead of trying to “integrate”. anyway… so we are new to this whole acceptance/cooperation thing and not all of us do realize/care that we are not the age we believe we are or that it is the year we believe it is…i also know multple systems where severe disparity between belief systems/morals exist between parts…which means some behaviors abhorant to any given Part may not bother/matter to others, there for it is not impossible for the crimes/vandalism stuff to actually happen. and sometimes parts just don’t care what the rest want. it sucks but it is true. so i don’t find the show unbelievable in that way.
what IS unbelievable to me is that we have yet to met a child alter in the Tara system. and also the likelihood of becoming “multiple” as a responsible to trauma decreases as people age…so it was not plausible to me that the shrink actually thought the 1st drama happened so late in her life
anyway my point is. it isn’t perfect, and in some places it isn’t even
I’ve never seen this show and now I’m really glad. The last trouble I had with the LAW was a speeding ticket on my way to college in 1993. Geez. Criminally insane? Hardly. A pill to fix it. Oh my God, don’t get me started. The kind of headaches I get with DID can’t even be helped with a pill, let alone the whole disorder. Somebody needs to get a clue about what happens to our literal brains as children and as we continue to live. And yeah those articles are out there, too, so at some point it’s a choice of how one WANTS to try to understand DID.
Nobody in my life besides professionals have ever thought I was anything except forgetful until I told them otherwise about hearing voices in my head and even then I’ve been prescribed antipsychotics and medication for shizophrenia because they didn’t look hard enough at my medical history to realize that physically I have another condition that does the exact OPPOSITE with dopamine making it impossible for me to be schizophrenic. Even THEN most professionals don’t put it together. Until I told my present T that I dissociate sometimes, the issue didn’t even come up and I was scared to death to tell her because integration has been the be all, end all for the two T’s that knew many years ago. Nobody in my life would even know if they aren’t a professional and those folks have either taken a long time to understand and make a proper diagnosis or have been so unfortunately undereducated/misinformed about integration that we’ve moved on from them because they weren’t helping at all and symptoms just increased until it was obvious that I was working on THEIR agenda, not the truth of my being. With rare exception do folks with mental illness want to be treated like a spectacle. I certainly don’t want anything except decent care to help me, not hurt me further. Therapy is frightening enough for even the most courageous of us and certainly for me.
The toughest and most painful issues are in my mind and in my home, where there is an element of safety and privacy, and occasionally with my T and adjunct help, where the only advantage for them are being authority figures because some of my insiders are highly responsive to people in authority. BUT, that is fear based, NOT what happens on any given day. Point being, it isn’t obvious at ALL that I have DID and because of that and ignorance in general, it’s been a much too silent, painful, scary road. I have no doubt in my mind that I would be much farther along if I hadn’t felt like I just needed to get my insiders to shut up and go away. That increased my own resistance and denial (probably because everyone inside was very upset), and decreased my trust even more than the low tide where it sits. That’s where shows like this make it harder for us, because if that’s what they believe about DID then they probably do think that is the best course of action. ugh. When the public at large understands that, and when Ts educate themselves to the TRUTH then maybe the road won’t be quite so dang hard and much longer than it could be for those of us who do know ourselves (even to a small degree) and just want to feel better and learn ways to cope healthfully. Nobody in my world wishes to be a spectacle. It’s humiliating and degrading to me to be compared to something so inaccurate. It makes it even harder to trust and get decent help when the facts aren’t portrayed realistically, because too many people take the low road to try to understand DID and just how intricate, silent and secretly shattering it really feels.
The idea that any of us would go flaming in the streets when at least one purpose was to maintain everything looking happy and normal just irritates me.
Maybe if more people that are helpers took the time to educate themselves we wouldn’t get caught in the mental health hamster wheel for so many years before getting decent help. It’s hard enough to do the work of healing without feeling I have to educate the ones who are supposed to be helping me, whether by saying DON’T do that or PLEASE do that. I already have a plethora of wrong answers and what NOT TO DO, I need some guiding good ones.
It is for that reason that I applaud Kathy to the n’th, because we need more kind, honest, understanding healers who aren’t afraid to put themselves out there to other professionals and say, “Wait a minute, have you actually asked your client how they feel about XYZ? and do you know about XYZ?” Because really if all our feelings aren’t important then what the heck is the point of it all?
Shame on Showtime and really, Shame on Dr. Kluft for potentially setting things back another who knows how many years. Ignorance isn’t BLISS, ignorance and in this case stupidity kills people.
The second season of United States of Tara starts next week.
I’m hoping to write more blog posts based on the different episodes, if possible.
I really hope to find more to agree with during the second season than I did in the first season.
But who knows…
Kathy
I managed to watch an entire 5 minutes of this show on YouTube before it made me ill and I had to quit. Such high hopes last year when I heard it was coming on, yet another disappointment.
The other one I had been looking forward to was an episode of Law&Order: SVU when they were going to have a character with DID on…and it was GREAT, right up to the last 5 damn minutes when it turns out she was faking all along. *FABULOUS*– people with DID are not only killers, but faking it to geth out of taking responsibility for their actions. Good one. *groan*.
A movie called “Identity” was on television tonight, which I haven’t seen in several years. Being in the mood after therapy tonight to watch some nice shoot-em-up-bad-guy-kills-everybody-show, I put that on. Only to recall by the end why I hate that stupid movie. Naturally, all people with DID are not only clueless as to their condition, but when integration happens it is like you’re killing off everyone inside, they’re all killers anyway, and boy you better watch out for the sweet little kid because appearances are deceiving.’
As multipixie said, Hollywood is doing a fantastic job of keeping the stigma of DID alive & well.
Caroline wants a tv show with a DID character who just goes to work, makes dinner, goes to graduate school, and raises her children with great morals and has a nice quiet life. Is that so much to ask?! According to Hollywood, YES.
Argh! Why do I even OWN a television?
MISSY
*whew…boy was I ever in the mood to rant, or what?* Ha.
I watched one episode online, we don’t get that channel it is on. I am glad we do not. I found the show extremely offensive and exploitive. They take all sorts of extremes and deviant behaviors and act like that is how we did’ers are. I used to like Toni Collette, but this role is appalling.
I have done some really stupid stuff in my life time – but NO, I am NOT criminally insane. I got some parking tickets for speeding and deserved more than I got. I have been guilty of driving under the influence of opiates when I had no help and my kids had to go places – which is JUST WRONG of ME. I no longer do that.
It is really important to me to say that in all the chaos and unpredictabilty of my life, NOT hurting others has been just about my highest priority. My whole life I’ve been conscious of pain inside of me and I did not want to do to anyone what was done to me, no way, no how. The only time I wanted to hit one of my children, when she was jumping on my last nerve, one of us picked up a can of chili and instead of throwing it at her we turned and threw it into the garage door. I felt totally guilty and awful for even doing that.
Almost anyone meeting me would never suspect I am multiple – “passing for normal” was trained into me by my abusers (with extreme force).
I am currently in an isolated place because I got sick of rejection and this show is enough to keep the “stigma” of DID alive and well. I think this show is reprehensible and think the “media consultants” are doing an awful job of giving input on DID. As far as I’m concerned they sold their soul to the devil of media for a few bucks and betrayed a whole community of people who desperately need some help, concern and acceptance. Shame on them!!!
I will never watch this show.
I had great hopes…specially cuz of the consultant and all.
Its too bad….:(
What you mean by this????
“Most multiples are not sexually inappropriate of their own volition.”
You mean coerced externally?
And FWIW, it making me crazy cuz not all w/DD goto have giant trauma.
And thanks for this blog thing. I stumbled on it on my quest for knowledge.
It seems good.
Though kinda freaky that someone w/o DD would be so obsessed by it….
I got a good DD T, but we can’t quite trust her yet (it only been a year….:( )
DD’s SUCK.
Sorry I grumpy.
Really really grumpy.
Just I thot Tara would be good for people to know, and as usu DD’s are misrepresented.
Esp my version of DD.
It don’t count.
Normally I not so grumpy.
Sorry.
I couldn’t agree more. I was following the series on my blog for awhile, and then I sort of tapered off. I have been off the internet for awhile and haven’t watched the last couple of episodes at all, but I have just had my jaw dropped over the last couple of episodes I have seen.
I am too “whooped” emotionally still to write much about it at this time, but I absolutely, unequivocally agree. I wanted to throw up when they had the character Tara do what she did with Marshall’s boyfriend. I can’t even say it, it sickens me so much.
🙁
Secret Shadows
Oh no! These are exactly the things I was concerned about (and blogged about) when I heard about this show.
Yes, the incorrect pronunciation of dissociation always sets my teeth on edge, but sounds like the least of the problems with this show! Thanks for continuing to speak about this!
I think the worst thing that ever happened was when I was some where between 8 and 12, I threw a pair of scissors at my brothers head and just missed by a few cm. I didn’t even know what happened till a few mins or so later when I “snapped out of it”. I felt so horrible! It still makes me cry that I could have… All I know is that my mom said he was being pretty awful to me that day (plus I know around that time there was a lot of family stuff going on) and I think the ‘Dark Ones’ like betweenseconds said with her’s are just there to protect. I think at that age and not knowing what the f*** is going on with yourself and not feeling safe there’s kind of no control but I would have still owned up responsibility. Now of course there is a system wide agreement (the “In Essence” contract). The only time it would be ok is if we were being physically attacked.
As for the rest of Tara’s behavior I understand, I can relate to wanting to do those things…but know better than to follow through.
I did a blog a few days ago about this latest episode at the hospital and basically that shows like this were a big part of the reason I put off telling therapists what I was experiencing in my head. NOW I know there are really great therapists out there and how to find them but it just hurts to think there are still other people out there hurting, needing help and too afraid. So with all of the resources they could have consulted…and this is what they come up with. It could have been a lot better. I’m still willing to see where it goes though.
Sadly, I have engaged in criminal behavior. One alter set the perswon who raped us house on fire. I think she really believed that if he didn’t have a house to come back too, he would have to stay in prison. I was 12 at the time and she was much younger. Fortunately, the houses next door were unharmed and no one was hurt. Ans as an adult we had an incident where someone drove their car through a building. After many years of trying to understand how it happened we do understand her motivattion was always about protecting us all no matter what the obstacle. Again, no on was hurt but we did spent an hour in jail, many court dates and fines and a criminal record. I am surprised/appalled that “Tara” is allowed to run amok and not have any consequences for her actions. So yeah, the show sucks **s but honestly it is like a train wreck I am mesmerized and secretly I do take delight that somebody’s life however fictional is crappier than mine!
Staphanye
Hi betweenseconds,
I think this is your first comment here at Discussing Dissociation — thanks for writing.
You have been brave to share your experiences. I hope things settle down for you soon. 🙂
Kathy
What do you think?/What are your thoughts on The United States of Tara?
I was very diaspointed in The United States of Tara. I did not expect it to completely and truthfully protray life as a women living with DID but I was blown away by it seeming to have no grasp in truth.
1. Who has a husband like hers who agrees to no sex with sexual parts and is ok Tara doens’t want sex?
What husband would not be angry that his wife turned into a sixteen year old and blows off her sons important school event, and makes out with his boyfriend? Which is a power play i dont’ care how old she thinks she is, she was using her positition for her adavantage? what if every man having sex with a sixteen year old girl said ” I felt sixteen”
2. THe mother was a horriable mother for her kids, where was her support of knowledge of her daughters boss freaky actions? Where was her support of her son by going to school events? Being “T” was completely inapporiate infront of the kids and “Buck”
Tara seems completely self absorbed and everyone else has to deal with her chaoes, she seems to feel bad about it but does not take action to deal with it.
Where are her littles?
where is her sucideal thoughts?
She was not supportive for her sister gettting a boob job?
Everything she does is so so so over the top? peeing on her son? why would she have anger at him? defacing a mural she worked hard on (I still think it was her sister)
Are you criminaly insane?
I am not criminaly insane. Never been arrested. Never been to jail . Never been admited to psych ward or hospital.
Would you do any of the behaviors that Tara is doing on the show?
Yes and no? LOL. I have felt under my skin that i am a man and sometimes i can feel him come through me and answer a question or hold my body in a stance not familer to me. I have felt like a teenager but alway under the skin and never let it show or take control. I have felt “alice” the intense disire to be perfect mother, cook, wife in hopes that it would take control and all others would go aways. I have felt littles in the background but never let them come up. I have dwelt with sucical tendencie but the parts remind me how much i want to see my children gradute from high school, get married , have grandchildren.
I am upset that in the in she has to be admitted to the hospital for treatment. She did have her sister to help but for many many many DIDers they have no support and being admitted to the hospital can be used to support removel of children from her.
ok this is pretty disjointed and ramblingLOL
sorry. I do enjoy reading everyones comments.
Last but not least I would never ever tell anyone i am a DID or to watch this show.
Hi nightowl,
Thanks for your comment – you’ve made some excellent points!!!
It’s good to see you here at the blog — 🙂
Kathy
@ Kathy – re: “The word is not disassociation. There is no additional “a” sound in the word.”
🙂 I agree, the film makers should pay closer attention.
Nevertheless their malapropism can be seen as a creative way of explaining what dissociation does, it does dis-associate!
Let me explain. In non-traumatized people their associations/memories/etc are freely made all the time because there is no need to block some of them and to prevent one pile of traumatic memories from being piled upon another pile of different traumatic memories. But in traumatized people there is such a need. Associations are prevented to be piled upon each other. So dissociation could be called dis-association, if following this line of thought. It’s not “correct”, at least termino-logically, but it is somehow logically correct.
And it would make the condition easier to explain to lay public – as a coping mechanism, not a failure.
Very glad you blogged about this tonight. I really am upset after the show tonight, very disturbing in so many ways, and even more ways than mentioned already.
I am so glad noone I know knows I have this….I am really so upset right now.
First off, its not been mentioned, but I am actually really upset about the safe place of the shed finally being revealed, and then destroyed. I found that triggery from hell because I have so many drawings and dolls like this, and then to watch it all burned and I have insides still just really stuck at this point in tonights show as horrified and in shock.
I totally understood why Marshall did it and dont blame him, but I found all of it just terribly shocking. If I was him I could well understand his burning it up – I mean in the show NOONE tried to reach out to him after the terrible betrayal, and I just found all that horrible too.
Its just totally NOT ok that for some reason this show utterly never holds Tara up to any kind of responsibility or reasonable standards – it makes her look like manipulator from hell and I really hate this.
I didnt even think to realize it was of course also sexual abuse of the BF.
So, all that was bad enough – But then they cant pronounce DISSOCIATIVE? Is there ABSOLUTELY no quality control on this or what???????????? How could they PRESUME to be doing a show on such a topic and not get the Bloody terminology right? I mean HOW is This EVEN Happening??!!!!
The whole scene in the massage parlor was EXTREMELY triggering and, actually had me realizing alot of why I have had such bizarre experiences with attempts at “Spa” days………….arghhhhhhh – Ok so that was horrible too.
Her Alter PEED ON HER SON???????????? Is there just no low low enough for this show??????????????
Ok, her father – that seemed to be heading somewhere – but her SON?!!!!!!!!!!!
TG I have no children – this just would be such a disaster if my children had to see stuff portrayed like this. I am so sick about the above mentioned situation with the person being afraid to leave the child with her – I mean – this just is so incredibly terrible.
THEN – so her alters wont come out to the T, nor with hypnosis – so this new T INJECTs Her???!!!
Now, ok having recently had my T try something that brought out some really protector hostility aspects in me – actually this part of the show did help me understand that it just does make sense that my system JUST DOES NOT WANT TO GO THERE. My T reacted to I guess what is my protectors as he just does, so I went from fight – directly to flight – do not pass Go – do not collect $200…..so this part just was sad to watch, but actually provided some context.
I am very much scared and disappointed that there just isnt any help for me as I can see possible with T’s.
OK, back to the show.
The whole hospital stuff brought up tons of mixed emotions. I wonder if there is a place where its safe to be able to let go and not have to be functional and be able to just let ones guard down – in real world.
But on this show I am very distressed that instead of being anything actually helpful – this just is going to turn into some further stigmatizing bizarreness.
If the ex boyfriend and his wife are showing up next week – its more likely he triggered her somehow instead of being “the actual cause” – which would be more realistic, but who knows where any of this is going to go with the way this is just so horribly being cast about….
Those are good kids and I agree with above – where is the realistic support therapy for the family?
I dont know – there just were so many distressing things about this show tonight.
Obviously whomever has the overall concept of this show has some inside knowledge – why this isnt being carried thru in how this is written – or words are Pronounced – or what therapeutic interventions could actually be helpful and not boundary violations from hell????!!!!
I just am so upset after this show.
I am so glad noone I know knows I have this.
My husband was so kind and talked to me a long time after the show. He gets things. I so wish I had a doctor that got things better than my husband just does. But I am so grateful for my husband – even if the two of us just are so clueless trying to figure all this out ourselves…
Anyway we are watching the show – but I am finding it incredibly distressing how much they just are getting wrong. Its just really so damaging and I do not understand why people just do get this whole thing so wrong….
* What do you think?
already said alot on that
* What are your thoughts about the show United States of Tara?
wrote above
* Are you criminally insane?
No and never put in psych or jail – but I have done truly insane things when I used to drink, and a few since – but not the sort of stuff that somehow just is ending up on this show……………….
* Would you do the behaviors that Tara is doing on this show?
I was afraid to have children because I feared I would have hurt them. I loved them too much to have them. I thought the insides would get born someday and I worked so hard to become a good enough person to be able to mother them, but I never reached a point before losing the ability to have children to be sure I would have done well enough at it. I might have hurt them, but by being too angry, or losing my temper – but I would have gotten help for this – and I really do not believe I would have hurt them in the ways she hurts her kids – and the show acts like these ways are somehow – “just part of being DID”??????
My husband thinks I am so loving in so many ways that he thinks I would have made a great mom. Thats pretty meaningful to me.
I didnt realize till years after I lost the ability to have children that the insides eventually getting born isnt actually how this works.
* If you are multiple, what are your feelings about being portrayed in this way?
I am just sick about it.
i always thought my best friend saw me for who i was. She was actually around alot more for me when i was really going through alot. She took care of me, she got me to appointments and to class, she was my only life line when i aged out of the system. i also take care of children for a living and none of them know i am DID, i talked to my therapist about maybe telling them but she didn’t think it would be the best idea. We talk a lot about what is going on with me and my system, we talk about being grounded and being held accountable and my therapist has asked me tough questions. because we know that people who have been abused tend to abuse others, sometimes. i am always very honest. i am honest with my bestfriend. my god child i absolutely love and adore. but my best friend nearly never leaves me alone with my god child, it worries me that she thinks i would ever in a million years hurt her. i would never, and i can say that for all of me. but it still hurts more than i can say. and it also makes me worry soo much, because i would like to have children, and what if people think i am not capable of taking care of my own children? this show is not good for DIDers especially if they show them as deviant criminals. i just don’t know what to do…
skin to skin touch. i would never have gone to get a massage. i know some people who can handle this, but me NOOO! wouldn’t have made it in the door without totally freaking out.
oompaa
Tara is not me. I would never do many of the things she does. And yet, some of her is very much like me. I relate more to her than, say, Sybil.
Mostly, I have found it to at least be a jumping off point for starting discussions and for provoking thought within myself/my system.
I haven’t seen it yet, we don’t get that station but I had debated watching them online if I could find the episodes. Just hadn’t gotten time yet. I’m glad I didn’t see it and got to see your blog entry before I watched any. I don’t feel like getting worked up over something that’s probably going to make me mad and give me worries that someone I know maybe saw it and thinks I act like that.
I don’t think I’m criminally insane hehe, I’m strange 🙂
I don’t think anyone I know in person actually has seen it, and the one who might have the station it airs on.. he already knows enough facts about MPD to know tv shows aren’t always factual in what they say.
I just woke up, hopefully this comment doesn’t sound too dorky haha
I love all your entries, they’re helpful 🙂
Hi to A Villager …
Thanks for your post — and for your kind words. I’m glad my blog is having a positive impact out here in the world. And no, your comment doesn’t sound dorky at all, lol.
I hope you have a good day, even after you wake up, lol.
Kathy
Wow, I can identify with many of the issues brought up here.
I totally agree with Castorgirl that we would be quick to blame ourselves – I do it all the time because of the time I cannot account for, altho I have never been responsible for anything I’ve accused myself of.
I have seen a documentary on multiples. It was awful. The producer used DIDs who were dealing with comorbidity, so some of them were also schizophrenia, bi-polar, antisocial, etc. It scared me half to death. I spent an hour on the phone with my T after that class and for the next 2 days I was in his office a total of 5 hours. That class was an abnormal psych class and the Professor believes that every DID, once diagnosed, should be hospitalized and medicated – because “they” are so “freaky” (his word, not mine).
No one knows I am DID because I have no close friends anymore, but I am very angry that Littlestsurvivor’s godchild has been used against her as a way of believing the bad about her instead of using the knowledge they have about her that made her their child’s godmother, in the first place. This kind of action (or reaction), is a constant worry for me as my daughter is getting married and will most likely be having children. Her fiance doesn’t know I have DID and I have forbid her to tell him.
As bad as they think we are, they (society) are sometimes worse – they just can’t see it. So sad. 🙁
Ivory
I saw the issue between Jason (Marshall’s boyfriend) and Tara slightly differently – mainly because I assumed from his appearance that he was over 16 (legal age of consent in New Zealand). I saw the interaction as more of a total betrayal of Marshall by Tara, how dare she mess with her sons emotions and friends in that way. So I saw it as abusive, but more towards Marshall than the confused Jason.
It also made me think even less of organised religion considering the religious ties that Jason has – how hypocritical to act the part of a homosexual who is going to burn in hell in the Hell House production… then kiss Marshall… then kiss Tara. Maybe that’s why I seem to have less sympathy for him than the rest of you – our issues with religion clouding our judgement??
Would I do any of the acts portrayed in Tara – Nope, no way. Our aim in life is to be invisible, it’s pretty hard to remain invisible if you’re running around destroying a beauty salon. We tried a massage once and it took six months and a lot of clonazepam before we could go near the place, so even Tara agreeing to go so easily was out of the realm of what we would experience.
It would have been more interesting if the destruction of the mural was blamed on Tara, but it turned out to be someone else who did it. This would be more in keeping with our experience – something awful happens, we immediately blame ourselves, but it was someone else all along.
So the show is as I was thinking it would be – an awful stereotype which doesn’t fit anyone experiences and is quite insulting. It’s a shame as I have always admired Toni Collette as an actress. I also realise that we’re luckier than many of you in that the programme is not being shown on New Zealand TV, so none of our workmates or family are seeing it.
Realistically though, if you look at the media’s coverage of any physical or mental health condition, has it ever been accurate? We’ve worked with people who have experienced psychosis, bipolar, Aspergers and hearing impairment; each of those people has had similar poor depictions of their condition and experiences in the media. We need to ask questions and raise concerns appropriately, but we also need to realise that this is just one of the many issues that have been handled poorly.
Castorgirl,
I totally agree with your comments about Tara’s behavior being abusive towards Marshall. I have been appalled by may of the things the Tara crew have done towards Marshall — the line was crossed more than one time where he is concerned. I haven’t written as much about that element of the show, but I absolutely agree with you. (Heads up — my next blog post about Tara will be about affects on the family).
And yes, the Tara show does tend to not give Tara enough responsibility in terms of working with her system. Tara herself does not get blamed, or held responsible, which is not the way it works out here in the world. It’s a hard line between where the insiders are more responsible, vs when the host is responsible for the system – sometimes, I suppose it’s just semantics to say who is more responsible. I think that more often than not, there is an element of responsibility from both inside system and the host. Even if the insiders are the ones doing the questionable behavior, the host has some personal belief or feeling going on for them that in essence “gives permission” for the other insiders to do what they are doing.
Physical touch — especially skin to skin touch, and behind the back / coming from behind — is very difficult.
Thanks for your post. You made some good points.
Kathy
I think I said this on the first post about this show, but I’ll say it again: There is absolutely nothing to be gained by DID being exploited for the purposes of entertainment.
If someone actually wanted to educate people about DID, a documentary series would be the way to go. Exploitation is exactly that — exploitation, and I think that anyone who thought this show would be helpful, or would increase acceptance or understanding of DID, was painfully naive about the entertainment industry.
littlestsurvivor,
So sorry that the show has brought those results for you….
The media should be more responsible when dealing with real life issues.
Almost everyone i know started watching this show to be able to better understand “me”. i hate how when someone has DID in the public eye, or is acting like they have DID they always end up being liars, or manipulators, or very bad people. I have DID and we make it our business not to hurt anyone outside of ourselves, we aren’t always successful but we try are damnedest. My best friend started watching Tara because she knows i am DID, and she thought oh this will help me understand Krystle soo much better. Now she is afraid to leave me alone with my godchild. She won’t say that but i feel it. Its so frustrating and i feel like its outrageous..i wish the show would just go away.
LittlestSurvivor-
The situation you described is very frustrating and painful. I would hope that your friend would be brave enough and honest enough to talk with you about what she is seeing, and to have a good ol’ heart to heart about how the show does or does NOT relate to you. Maybe she just needs a little time to sort through it all, but I can understand why that would be so difficult for you. Isn’t it nice when people actually see you for you?!!!
Kathy
I watched the first episode and was outraged. ‘Nuf said.
We have an oompaa too!
Even though I thought the way it was portrayed at first was over the top, I did understand why they did it. I was a little concerned that she didnt have any littles.
The lines that they are crossing now, do concern me. Even if 99% of multiples, wouldnt do those things, I am sure that there are few out there, that would. But I sure wish they would address that.
I do like the fact that they are starting to show how it can effect the family.
I would NEVER do any of those things. I do have one or two that would get in somebodies face and have done it. But a child, I sure hope not!
On the sexual assault thing, I have a question, sorry, I am not sure if this is the right place to ask it.
Even if 99% of multiples wouldnt assault a child, it does bring up something I have wondered about. Since a lot of sexual likes, dislikes, etc are formed when you are a child, and if you had that normal process interrupted, do a lot of DIDers have trouble forming “normal” sexual thoughts? And if they do, can those beginning brain patterns be changed? If they cant, then are they destined to live with those “abnormal” thoughts forever?
Maybe they will take some of these things that have come up in the show and explain that they are out of the ordinary…..LOL sure I really believe that!
Kathy,
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you for saying we are not murderous buffoons!
Four years ago, a now ex friend of mine figured out I could be dissociating. She researched it, and with what she found, she felt she needed to check me out, so to be absolutely sure about it, she didn’t ask me, but came to my house with a gun in her purse and interrogated me about my divorce! She never showed the gun to me but I know she always has one in her purse and her hand was always in her purse.
Something I said, or did, convinced her to go to my closest friend and tell her she needed to stay away from me because I was dangerous. My friend then ignored me for weeks and when we finally saw each other again, she angrily demanded I tell her the truth. I lied.
I would never hurt anybody, I know all too well how it feels. I’m glad that I have never seen the Tara show, it hurts too much to see stuff like that.
Ivory
Ya, I don’t even wanna touch this right now because I saw tomorrows episode and it has me so P.O’d! (the hospital episode) I was gonna do my own post on it but might just end up working myself up lol, just feel like people should be warned about that one.
BTW, cool your on Twitter! 🙂 I’ll have to remember to add you.
What do you think?
I think you are on the right track! I agree 100% with you in regards to this show! I am mortified at some of the things that they have protrayed. I am DID and I would never do those things! I’d never beat up a kid. I’d never sexually assault a teenager! Now if I were to tell anyone about me all I have to offer them as “reference” is Sybil and Tara?!?!?! No thanks!!!
What are your thoughts about the show United States of Tara?
I watch it because my partner watches it and I like to set the record STRAIGHT about this!
Are you criminally insane?
Well, I think I am insane but definetly NOT criminally!
Would you do the behaviors that Tara is doing on this show?
Urinating on someone… I think not! Running crazily through a massage parlor… NO! My alters are here to “help” me live a more normal life and that is NOT normal… at all!
If you are multiple, what are your feelings about being portrayed in this way?
I feel that I am already “labeled” as crazy and this just makes it worse. It magnifies it and makes me feel even more crazy. This all coming from a leader in the DID/MPD field just makes me sick. They either didn’t listen to his helpful hints or he is way off! I think the first option is correct. I hope he is just as sick as I am about how they are handling this whole thing.
Okay, I will step off my soap box now.
Rane
i thought it was pretty good up until Gimme showed up peeing on everyone in their sleep, marshall’s boyfriend issue, and the trauma hospital. I didn’t like the doc at the trauma place she went to. And there are no meds that do that stuff. I liked it until the last few episodes. I really wish they would go back to the way they were portraying. Yes, overdramatized, but still more accurately portrayed then the criminals that are portrayed on other tv shows like the law & order episode of DID and things like that. Why did they have to mess it up. Also, shouldn’t the children and her husband be in therapy. It clearly shows that they have to deal with a lot. Thanks for posting in the blog about this.
Nice to see you. 🙂
oompaa aka heather
Hi oompaa!
It’s great to see you here! 🙂
Thanks for your comment, and your thoughts on the show. You’re right — they had a good thing going and now they’ve messed the show up. The effects on her family have been pretty heavy duty — more about that later.
I hope you keep coming back — 🙂
Kathy