Are there any benefits to being multiple?
In the typical process of trauma therapy, your therapist and the dissociative trauma survivor will spend a great deal of time talking about how difficult it is to be multiple — and it is difficult, no doubt about it.
For the typical multiple, there were years and years of pain and horror and abuse requiring the need to split over and over into a number of different personalities just to survive the unthinkable.
But the point of this blog is to talk about what an outsider / singleton sees as the benefits of being multiple and having Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID/MPD).
Yes, there really are some advantages to being split!
I see the following benefits in multiplicity:
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Being able to do more than one thing at the same time.
Talk about having the ability to multi-task! I’ve known situations were one personality can be talking comfortably on the phone while another personality is busy doing the day’s work. How cool is that?!
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Always having some to talk to.
When you are friends with each other on the inside, you don’t ever have to be alone. Your best friends can be right there with you, any time of the day or night.
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Being able to maintain the joy of a child’s perspective.
Children can be so innocently full of wonderment, and joy, and happiness. They know how to be carefree and happy and amazed at the simplest of life’s pleasures. Child parts, once safe from trauma, can keep that sense of joy near to them their whole lives long.
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Being able to take a break even when the outside body has to keep going.
When you’re split, you can tuck back inside, and rest, or sleep, or think, and let someone else be out front managing whatever is going on in life. Having that ability to pull away and separate from the outside life can come in handy sometimes!
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Having the ability to remember so much more of life’s experiences.
In my opinion, once a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder finds safety, and learns to connect with all their internal people, and lowers their dissociative walls, it seems to me that people with DID actually remember more of their life than “regular” singletons do. This includes remembering more of the good times as well as the bad.
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Having the ability to understand life and events from a variety of different perspectives.
Those with DID don’t have to imagine what it would be like from a different perspective – they often have someone inside that already genuinely sees things that way!
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Blocking out pain.
While blocking pain is not always a positive or helpful skill, there are times and places where having the ability to block out pain, both physically and mentally, can be a great benefit.
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Quite possibly needing less sleep?
I can’t prove this, but it seems to me that a significant number of folks with DID can function quite effectively on less sleep than what the average singleton person needs. Maybe this is because the various parts can rest and sleep internally? By taking turns resting inside, does that make the overall physical need to sleep less? I have no real answers for this, but it’s not uncommon for this to appear to be the case.
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Looking younger.
Again, I cannot prove this, but in my years of working with multiples, folks with DID look considerably younger even as they physically age. One would think that the years of trauma, abuse, and stress would have a negative effect on the physical appearance, and while there are obvious scars, there also seems to be a common ability to not age physically as quickly as singletons do. You all nearly always look younger than you actually are. How cool is that?!
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The ability to fit in with a variety of different people.
While some system splits were formed as trauma-based ways of matching with various groups of people (and some not so good as others), the positive flip-side of that ability is that people with multiple personalities can literally find themselves fitting in easily with a wide variety of people in a variety of ages.
Sometimes I wish I could do some of those things too!
The point being, despite the difficult beginnings required in splitting into multiple personalities, there are many good and positive attributes to being multiple.
Your Dissoci-ACTION Questions:
- What do you enjoy about your multiplicity?
- What strengths do you have?
- How has multiplicity enhanced your life?
- What qualities of being a multiple would you want to keep, and never lose?
Your thoughts and comments are welcome, of course.
Warmly,
Kathy
To learn more about Dissociative Identity Disorder, watch my videos:
Copyright © 2008-2023 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
1. Having people inside to care for makes you finally realise you should care for yourself as well
I used to engage in probably most destructive behaviors one could think of and I absolutely couldn’t grasp the idea about why I should do something in a different way. However, I never wanted to inflict that on a different person let alone a child. When I got in touch with some of the littles, I felt extremely weird trying to model safe and nurturing behavior. But the more I did it, the less I wanted to hurt myself. Because if their emotions leak to me, then my emotions might leak to them? And if we are one whole person in the end, why do I choose to care for some parts and hurt myself even though I am part of the same person?
2. Realizing that we already know what we need to know. We should just listen to each other.
I guess it is the same for people without DID, I just don’t know what their internal communication looks like. But at some point, we realized that we all could learn something from each other. For example, if I don’t know what a personal boundary is and how to set it, I could ask a part who is more assertive. If I start freaking out about something, there is almost always someone inside who knows the right words to say.
3. Not having to worry about upcoming events
Well, it’s a tricky one since there is probably more bad to it than good but I still prefer to look for a silver lining. I can’t stress out about an exam, an interview, a meeting if I don’t remember about it. Yes, it is frustrating that I can barely remember anything general life related but at the same time, I can have zero anxiety about upcoming triggering events because I forget about them the moment something else happens.
4. Having people inside who are really willing to do the work you don’t feel too excited about
Of course there are things none of us likes doing and someone has to do them anyway. However, I, for example, don’t like cleaning when it means taking things to their places cause I get overwhelmed. At the same time, we have 2 parts who literally regard it as a hobby. They can’t wait for the moment we can clean something.
We will never die alone . We have been thinking about that a lot lately because of the coronavirus. I have so many people are dying alone because family is not allowed.
It makes me sad that so many people freak out when they find out they have DID. And they get so sad. and them don;t want to have it. DID be like a miracle !! . It be like a big gift. If you can learn to be friends with inside people then it make things so much better and then you can see that having DID is a good thing!! 🙂
i haf 1 think to share
when nit gets kill i get kill two
when nioth get bent i get bent tu
wen niret get hot i get h eat too
sucky sucky I don’t think that’s how DID works bois
here jist is 1 little thing i dont like
when caden get sick i get sick to
when mae get bad stomic acs i get them to
i do been just fine but caen been haveng the flu
and mae got bad stomic acs
so i got them to even tho i dont be sick
it wuld be mise sints we be difren pepol if we didnt get sick at the same time
Hi Friends,
Thank you MEDARLING for pointing me to this blog. I love how one of my friends here will post on a blog that I cannot remember reading (although I am sure that I have at one point or another) and then I get to discover it all over again! Rather what pilgrim said in the posting above. I love this idea of looking at the positives of DID – and YES I wholeheartedly feel that there are many positives!
Okay, some of my positives from Kathy’s list above.
Being able to do more than one thing at the same time.
Well, I am astounded at how much my brain is working all at once and I do not know it. When I check in and talk with my insiders I find out that they have been doing all kinds of activities in their inside world that I am unaware of. I have no idea how that works. Then, in my outside world, I have all kinds of ideas, responses, activities going on in my head as I navigate my day. And, when I am talking with someone, I will get all kinds of different takes on what is being said. I have to sort through them all to find what I want to say. Makes me a good listener because I have to pause and listen to what is going on in my head before I can say anything in the outside world. But, then sometimes one of my insiders will just blurt something out and off I have to go figuring that out and how to respond to the questioning looks coming back at me.
Always having someone to talk to.
Oh ya … my little one Squirrel is ALWAYS talking to me. I have to ask for time outs or quiet times. She is just so full of life. She really makes me laugh with her take on things so I usually really enjoy what she has to say. Some of the others will talk to me on their own as well and I have ones that I call upon for advice in certain situations. It is like the ME+WE council of minds helping me through my day. I really miss them when they are quiet actually. I fear that they have gone away and then … POP … there is Squirrel chattering away at me.
Being able to maintain the joy of a child’s perspective.
Oh wow … YES. I really love this part of being multiple. Now that I am starting to share experiences with my little ones (i.e., be co-conscious with them) I get to see the world through a child’s eyes. What wonder, fascination, adventure and joy that can be. Yes, most of them have the yucky parts to share too but, given a chance, they let me see through their kaleidoscope of innocence the wonders of a loving, exciting, fun, intriguing, and curious world. I have a couple of friends now who know and understand these insiders so I get to play in full pleasure with this side of my being. One friend was writing a children’s book this past year and actually asked to read it to Squirrel to get her feedback. What an adventure that was.
Being able to take a break even when the outside body has to keep going.
Oh I have been a bit embarrassed that I do this sometimes. I feel like I am cheating. But, when things are just too stressful or chaotic or I just am not in the mood to be engaged in whatever is going on around me, I can “check out” and be somewhere else. I use this as a survival technique in my everyday life. I can actually do activities and not be there. Some times when I just need a break from the world I will sit in my favourite chair and let my insiders take me where ever they want to go. I can be mentally gone for hours. It is like taking a holiday in my head.
Having the ability to remember so much more of life’s experiences.
Well, to be honest, at first I was angry that so much of my life narrative was robbed from me. There were all of these holes in my memory and I was frustrated by that fact. Actually, I had chosen to ignore this part of my existence or at least had pretended that it did not exist before my diagnosis. Then when I started to get memories back, I was amazed at all of the details that I could remember. As I said in another posting, it was like I found this treasure trove of love letters from the heart that my insiders had each saved for me with stories of my life. Some of it was hard to hear but other parts just opened up such amazing insight into my life that I was truly grateful that my insiders had loved me so much that they had saved all of these bits of my life for me to have when I was ready. I am not sure how this compares with all singletons but I do know that it astounds the ones in my life who wish that they had love letters from the heart waiting for them to discover.
Having the ability to understand life and events from a variety of different perspectives.
This I found scary at first as so many different voices would come at me when I was confronted with everyday life decisions big and small. Lots and lots of different perspectives coming at me and ME trying to manage it all. I felt like I was the lion tamer in a three ring circus not knowing which way to look, what lion to pay attention to, who was stocking me or behind my back, who I needed to watch out for, etc. Then I started to sit down and get to know my insiders, their take on things and what triggered them or interested them. In some cases, I had to come up with agreements about how we would handle certain situations, how we would negotiate different points of view on things and who would have the ultimate say when there was disagreement. Seriously, something as seemingly simple as ordering dinner in a restaurant could illicit full-scale internal revolution. But, in the end, I really appreciate the different perspectives. I know that it gives me an “intuitive” edge on life and perspective that my friends and colleagues value (even when they have no knowledge where it is all coming from).
Blocking out pain.
I have a high pain threshold. That is learned behaviour that all of my insiders seem to have to some degree or another. I learned never to complain about pain and so I can endure a lot. And, I am not able to cry for me (although I cry at other things). For example, I asked one of my insiders to take over at my father’s funeral and she did. She is not bound by emotions so she got us through. I was happy for that as two of my abusers were present. That having been said, I am learning to find balance here. My husband really dislikes the fact that I will not let myself be cared for when I am ill. So, now I am trying to let go into my vulnerability when I am in pain. Not easy to do as it is trying to undo a lifetime of programing pain out. But, I know that I cannot make friends with joy until I have made friends with all of my emotions – pain included.
Quite possibly needing less sleep?
Well actually, I find that I need more sleep … lots of it. Often on the weekend I will tell my husband that I need a “big sleep” which means about 12 hours. I think that it is to give my brain a rest and a chance to process everything going on. My brain is just so busy most of the time I think that it needs a big power shutdown to reformat, regroup and fire up again. I have an alter that will put me to sleep as well so I tend to drop to sleep with a snap of a trigger. I feel it coming on and tell my husband I cannot stay awake and … BAM … I am gone out cold.
Looking younger.
Well … hahahaha … at 63 years old I would dearly love this to be true but it is not what I see in the mirror. One of my friends claims that I have fewer wrinkles then other woman my age and she puts it down to my little ones. But, my 12 year old boy alter also told her that he does not like to look in the mirror because it scares him to see an old woman looking back at him.
The ability to fit in with a variety of different people.
Well, I am chameleon-like for sure and can change with the situation at hand. Although I am normally very shy, I can be the comedian in a social situation –witty, humorous, sometimes sarcastic whatever the audience requires. I can be quiet and shy and then blast out with a whole bunch of thoughts. I seem to put a funny, unique twist on things that folks usually find amusing if not interesting. And, I can be poetic in my thoughts and responses to folks. Then I can be a blubbering idiot. I just never know what is going to bubble to the surface.
Okay folks, a way too long posting even for me. Just thought that this was a fun exercise in challenging myself to really explore the points that Kathy made. It really was fun and enlightening folks – give it a try!
ME+WE
04/30/2018
It was so insightful for me that you put “high pain threshold” and “dilsiking being cared for when you are ill” under the same category. I tend to withdraw from people when I get sick or move to a different room if it is possible because I don’t want them to see me “like that”. When I shared it with close people, they couldn’t relate and I wasn’t really able to explain why I was doing it cause it didn’t make sense to me either. I think now it finally does. Thank you!
I have to say, at times, it is very hard being multiple. That being said, after a lot of work I have a system that works well together and find many benefits having my systematic family within.
I find myself multitasking quite a bit, however, can get very over stimulated quite quickly.
we can watch the same movie dozens of times, and still be surprised by the ending.
we can read the same books over and over and never get tired of them because different ones of us read them.
we can get along woth nearly anyone.
we have lots of friends who are kids because we can relate to them and kids like to do fun things.
I have DID with two personalities from some unknown non-trama related reason. I can freely switch between the two personalities, and I definitely have reaped some of the benefits. However, benefits such as needing less sleep and multitasking are nonexistent for me. Some people with DID might be able to multitask, but it is difficult for two personalities to enter the light at the same time. If this occurs, then talking jargon can be jumbled or the entity will end up talking to themselves for the duration. I cant imagine the pain in having each personality occupy each part of the body as well. This can lead to a variety of problems that can lead to traumatic stress and headache overload. For me upon switching, the task itself requires mental effort and the task of communicating between the two personas is also mentally draining. These effects lead to more sleep for me, not less sleep.
Thank you for listening to my spiel Kathy.
I find it best to not discriminate against people with DID but instead to view them as unique. People with DID are still human and they have feelings, they just have abilities that other people cant understand completely.
Hi Kathy
We’ve been told the body looks younger than its 44 years. Also the many ways our creativity shows itself. We don’t know if we would have been half as creative if we weren’t multiple, and we seem to be able to pick up new skills pretty easily.
Often we wonder who “I” would have been if those who were to care for us HAD in fact CARED and not hurt us.
I will admit that there are some neat things about being a multiple. Apparently my eyes shift colours along with my parts. I’ve discovered artistic abilities that I had no idea were there and at times and the ability to see the world from several different perspectives at the exact same time is really amazing. On a whole though, the costs to my life have been so much more than any benefits. I think it helps to look at the silver lining from time to time, but there are times when I get very sick of having other people, particularly a therapist point out how “amazing” my system is. If I wasn’t a multiple, I would probably find it fascinating too. Given that I live with the pain and difficulty of being so disjointed and have seen my life fall apart quite rapidly at times, the novelty is generally lost on me.