I’ve been thinking for hours now about what kind of profound post I would make at the beginning of this new year. Or this new month. Or this new day. My words are still trickling in slowly….
So, while I’m thinking, I’ve decided to ask you all what you are thinking….
What are your goals this year? this month? this week?
And, seriously, if you could rule the world, what would you do? What changes would you make, and how would you bring those about? How would you address the world economy? How would you approach world peace? What would you do about famine, wars and diseases?
Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to fix such big problems with just the snap of your fingers.?!
Okay, okay, so all that is just a little too unrealistic.
It doesn’t hurt to dream, but let’s talk about the worlds you can control – you own life, your own system, your own internal worlds.
At this stage in your life, you do have a lot of input into what happens in your life. You aren’t a helpless, child without resources or power. You are grown. You are much older, and while you might be stuck and struggling at certain points, you truly do have considerably more freedom, more power, more options, more control than you had in your early years of life. You can’t change the past, but you can make it so the past does not cripple your present so much. You can make this year, these days, even right now, better for yourself.
I’m just sure you can.
It’s not necessarily easy and it might take a whole lot of hard work, but you do have the ability to make things better for yourself.
So let me ask again.
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What are your personal goals for this year?
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What are your hopes? your dreams?
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What could realistically happen for you this year if you really worked for it?
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What areas of your life do you want to heal?
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What do you want to happen within your own system?
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How are you going to help your internal parts this year?
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Who do you want to meet from within?
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Who do you want to establish a friendly, working relationship with from within your system?
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Who do you want to connect with in the external world? Even if that means mending some fences, and working through conflict issues?
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With whom do you want to create stronger boundaries, so you aren’t as vulnerable or as abused by them?
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What topics are going to be the focus of your therapy?
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What areas of your life are you willing to leave on hold for now?
We are each in charge of our own lives.
Some say that to a very large degree we actually create our own lives. I understand that some things happen outside of our immediate control. However, we can decide to work around and grow past those obstacles, no matter how big they are. As much as we have to work with the cards that we have been dealt, we also can make decisions in the current day to make our lives more how we want them to be.
What do you want for yourself this year? How hard are you willing to work – learn – research – stretch – push yourself to get that?
If getting something new and better in your life means letting go of something familiar but “crappy”, are you willing to do that? Are you willing to prevent or refuse to allow victimized thinking that keeps you stuck in places you don’t like? Are you able to find your own way, your own strengths, your own power, your own ability to think?
Do you believe in yourself and your self worth enough to get something better?
It’s a New Year.
What’s going to be new about your year this year?
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
Still wish I knew where I “fit” in……there is too much Inside stuff to comfortably fit in Outside….feels like people sense there is something “different” about me and they have all these walls up and get away from me….(what did I do????)……
Yet I don’t fit in around people who are supposed to deal with Inside stuff….is my Inside stuff THAT weird?…..I don’t know how to get back to my old Outside life because I have seen too much now…..Inside doesn’t fit in with Outside….Outside doesn’t fit in with Inside……It would be less hard taking steps to plow through Inside stuff if I could sense “purpose” to it….some kind of purpose for my life…..if there was some way something “good” would come out of it all…..but I have no idea what it could be because I can’t seem to find where I belong…….
No wonder my life feels like a “Twilight Zone”…..
MissyMing
09
Make that 09/20/20
I have to have “dates” or I get lost on what was when…..
MissyMing
09/202/20
What are your personal goals for this year?
– to survive
What are your hopes? your dreams?
– we hope we can continue to learn and grow through our therapy. Our dream is, as always a wish to return to Walt Disney World.
What could realistically happen for you this year if you really worked for it?
– a better understanding of our trauma, so we are less affected by our symptoms
What areas of your life do you want to heal?
– we want to stop automatically becoming suicidal when things get too bad
What do you want to happen within your own system?
– more healthy communication
How are you going to help your internal parts this year?
– we have to remember that our littles blame themselves for everything bad that happens and provide soothing and reassurance to them
Who do you want to meet from within?
– we desperately want to have better contact with Tee and CG, who are still very much trapped in their time of trauma
Who do you want to establish a friendly, working relationship with from within your system?
– Simone for sure. It is struggle to cope with her impulsivity, rebelliousness, and defiance.
Who do you want to connect with in the external world? Even if that means mending some fences, and working through conflict issues?
– maybe our brother, though we feel rather strongly that it isn’t our responsibility
With whom do you want to create stronger boundaries, so you aren’t as vulnerable or as abused by them?
– our mother
What topics are going to be the focus of your therapy?
– our trauma
What areas of your life are you willing to leave on hold for now?
– friendship
I know it’s been a little into the new year now, but I just wanted to chime in and say I want more cohesion with my parts. That’s going to take some work because memories and things keep popping up and I just want to run away or avoid it all and pretend like it’s not happening. But I want to be more receptive to working with my child parts especially and take time for them every so often to let them enjoy things in the now, so they know that not all things are bad.
Hopefully I will stick with this this year.
03/2018
Hi Kathy,
*Sigh* three years ago we told our first therapist we wanted to be “fixed” by Christmas… A few of us joke that we didn’t specify which Christmas, or what we meant by “fixed”…
We’re now trying to be more realistic… we want to know more about each other and what we do now and have done in the past. Probably our biggest area of work will be to gain internal stability. We separated early last year from an abusive relationship so increased our external stability. This means we now have the energy and focus to work on other areas.
It also means we have to be careful of holding onto things just because they are some of the few things we find comfort in – sometimes we find comfort in some of the negative patterns and behaviours… Possibly just because they are familiar and predictable???
Take care…
Sophie 🙂
Wow-alot to think about here! The past 2.5 years I have been dealing with a verbally and on a few occasions physically abusive husband, the result of a TBI (work accident). We are married 20 years. So…for 2009 with the help of my T, I am going to maintain my personal boundaries, take responsibility for only myself, work on control issues, make myself more emotionally available to those close to me, stop avoiding conflict and deal with it, and extend my friends network. I will more than likely have to make some relationship decisions, which I will need to rely heavily on the support of my network to get through.
For 2009 I hope to gain some inner peace and feel good about myself and the decisions I am going to make. I am scared to death as I feel more in control and more out of control at this point in my therapy. So for therapy in 2009, I will need to lay more of myself out there, so T can help transition me and give me the tools I need to look back with no regrets, no matter what decisions I choose. Another tough year in store…but hopefully more manageable!
Hi Strangename,
Thanks for writing. It sounds like you have a lot of very good goals for 2009, and you certainly have a lot on your plate. You have mentioned a lot of important areas, and I wish the best for you in your healing journey. Thanks for posting.
Kathy