Continuing with the topic of Internal Communication, I ended the previous article,
with this list of Dissoci-ACTION steps:
Focus first on relationship building with your parts.
Get to know them.
Talk to them.
Learn their names.
Overcome your fears of who they are.
Appreciate their strengths.
Develop friendships with them.
I guarantee that your overall stability will greatly improve as you are more connected with your internal system on a genuinely friendly, caring basis.
What do you think about that? Do you agree with that list? Have you ever considered such a daunting task as completing THAT list ?!! Am I talking out the wazoo, or do you see value in what I’m saying?
In my opinion, developing good internal communication
is the central core of the treatment work for Dissociative Identity Disorder.
If you cannot or do not talk well with your other internal parts,
you will not be able to complete your healing work effectively, thoroughly or sufficiently.
Imagine going to your place of employment and not being able to speak with any of your co-workers. How well would businesses work with that approach?
Have you ever been to a big department store?
Imagine if the employees couldn’t speak with each other for days-weeks-years at a time. That store as a whole would find it extremely difficult to manage busy days, or to handle simple, basic operations. It would crumble.
Even if all the employees continued doing their own jobs perfectly — if they are not communicating with anyone else in the store, then the store as a whole would be less effective. It would likely go out of business sooner than later.
Dissociative systems cannot function without internal communication any better than large department stores can function without internal communication.
If you don’t talk to your inner people, and if your various insiders do not speak with each other, none of you are going to function as well as you could.
Also, if you run your system with an attitude of control and domination, that’s not going to work so well either.
Approaching your insiders as inferiors or nuisances that you want to kill off, or dispose of, or get rid of in some way will not be helpful.
As real-life examples have shown (ie: Hitler), this type of dictatorship-leadership can effectively control large groups of people, but also it uses abusive methods that lead to tragedies like genocide and world wars.
Don’t go there with your internal world.
Treat your inner people with kindness and respect.
I promise you that every single one of your insiders has value, importance, strengths, and significance.
You might not understand who they are at this point in time. And when you don’t know the positive value held by each person inside, that’s a big clue that you have some therapy work to do.
Allowing your system to stay scattered, chaotic, disorganized, and messy will not help your stability or ability to function.
Keeping with the store metaphor, who wants to shop in a cluttered, disorganized, messy store? Can you find anything? Does it take twice as long to find the things you need? And are some items just impossible to find without taking huge chunks of extra time?
Permanently blocking your internal system behind walls or curtains or an unexplored blackness is not helpful either.
I realize that all DIDer’s have dissociative walls and barriers already — walls that could have easily been there for years. That is the nature of DID/MPD. It’s the initial point of having a dissociative disorder — surviving by using those same dissociative walls to separate yourself from yourself and from the situations and feelings that were too conflictual, too painful, too difficult, etc.
In the here and now, the treatment goal is to gradually lower and remove those barriers between your system people, and certainly not to create more walls or to support more distance between everyone.
Of course, some dissociative walls and internal barriers are needed to help maintain your ability to function and stay solid in your everyday world. Which walls do you need to lower, and which walls do you keep in place? How do you know where to start, and what to soften?
Internal communication is the key to doing this work.
Doing your system work — meeting each other, getting to know each other, will in itself create a greater sense of order and structure within.
More of you will know who can do what, where the other parts are, and how they got there. It won’t feel so strange or unknown to you.
Insiders can become friends with each other instead of being strangers separated from each other.
Even though there are additional steps to take, start by encouraging everyone in your system to be willing to see, meet, and greet as many others as possible. You all need to know who you have in there.
My next post, Developing Internal Communication – Starting with the Basics, will help you begin to develop communication within your system.
For today, in preparation to do this work, please think about the following:
- How willing are you to speak to your insiders?
- How willing are you to listen to your insiders?
- If you are afraid of some of your inside people, what are you willing to say to them?
- If some of your insiders have experienced a different life than you have, are you willing to listen to them?
- What will you do if someone says something you don’t want to hear?
- What will you do if your insiders squabble and argue with each other?
- How will you handle it if certain insiders hurt others within your system? What if they are hurting child parts? What if they attempt to hurt you?
- What if meeting the others folks inside means learning that you were more hurt and abused than you realized? How will you handle that?
- What are your thoughts and feelings about finding new insiders — ones that you didn’t realize you had?
- Do you know how to speak to child parts? How will your address them if you see that they are hurting emotionally or physically?
You can do this.
Your healing depends on your talking with your internal system. Maybe start by saying hi.
And yes, you can do this.
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
If you are interested in developing your Internal Communication skills further, check out these additional resources:
This Dissoci-ACTION Story Pack in a specialized educational resource about DID that you can work on in the privacy of your own home, or for mental health professionals to use in their office with their dissociative clients. It has numerous videos with Kathy and helpful tips that you will not find in any of the other DD resources.
- Now that you know you are DID, do you know what to do?
- Are you new to working with your DID system ?
- Do you have any sad little ones in your system ?
- Do you have any lost ones in your system ?
- Do you know how to reach your insiders ?
- Or how to find your insiders ?
- Do you know what to do with those little ones once you find them or feel their presence ?
When you are first diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), you may feel overwhelmed and utterly confused and at a loss about how to manage a system of inside people.
These first weeks and months of recognizing your internal system can feel chaotic, frightening, embarrassing, noisy, and frankly, far too huge of a problem to address, let alone solve. It can feel like a great big headache!
This Dissoci-ACTION story pack is designed to teach you action steps. You can learn what to do as you begin to meet your dissociative parts. Guidance about how to talk with your insiders is included.
Click HERE to learn more.
Do you live a life with many different parts?
Are you confused? Learning? Alone? Unsure?
Do you need more people to talk to about being DID?
Our Community is a wonderful, friendly, and supportive group.
This DID Forum is available 24/7.
This Forum is managed by a team of professionals.
If you have not yet joined in, and if our Forum Community sounds like a place where you wanna be, YOU are invited to join our DDCF Community, even now. Who else understands living with DID better than other folks with DID?!
DDCF is open, available all day and night, everyday. It’s safe, it’s protected, it’s private.
Our friendly members chat comfortably with each other. They talk openly about life as a dissociative survivor, how to manage as a dissociative spouse, how to be a dissociative parent, how to manage the hard days — all areas of life! They share good times, funny jokes, stressful events, therapy gains, and even therapeutic struggles. And all of this is said openly by dissociative people with DID systems.
And yes, inside parts are invited to talk! Many community members use designated threads as a private place to write back and forth with their inside people. They practice internal communication skills right in the forum! You can learn to do this as well.
How could you benefit from this group?
What would you contribute as a DDCF Community Forum Member?
The Discussing Dissociation EDUCATIONAL Forum (DDEF)
DDEF is also open and available. Our Educational Forum is a separate forum membership from the community forum. The unique difference for DDEF is that both Kathy and Laura participate in the forum discussions. Kathy and Laura ask and answer questions, write responses, provide tips and guidelines about DID in a private forum setting.
Getting personalised responses from DID experts, or reading responses written about a variety of dissociative issues that you experience yourself can be amazingly helpful. Want to learn more about internal communication and how to do this? Kathy and Laura have created an Audio Series specifically for Internal Communication.
The conversations in DDEF are in-depth, specifically DID treatment oriented, focused on specific DID issues, and target very detailed situations that arise for dissociative survivors.
Contact us for more information about how to join DDEF.
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