Survivors of sexual abuse often struggle with self-injury (SI).
Survivors often use dissociative walls to contain and separate intense emotions from themselves. This allows them to stay numb, and to not feel. They can split off their unmanageable, uncomfortable, or conflicting feelings into other parts of themselves, as frequently seen in Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID/MPD).
As those dissociative walls begin to crumble, allowing more emotions and feelings to emerge, survivors often want to maintain or regain that sense of numbness and emotional distance. They will use various forms of self-harm to re-create more distance from feelings.
However, purposeful self-injury and self-destruction creates a myriad of other complications. There are a number of reasons why trauma survivors hurt themselves, and hundreds of different ways to do it.
To hear a few of my thoughts and comments, you might be interested in my YouTube video, Self Injury and Dissociative Identity Disorder.
The following is a list of 25 ideas of activities to do when the urgency of self-harm is there.
These ideas do not necessarily address the issues fueling the SI, but they can be a helpful distraction during an acute crisis point. If you complete a handful of these ideas when you start feeling compulsions to SI, you might find that you can work past the danger point and get yourself into a more stable place.
Remember — Safety First! And that includes safety from yourself as well!
When you are in the immediate danger of harming yourself, try at least five or six of the following ideas.
However, do as many as you need to get past the urgency to self-harm.
Call a friend or two and talk to them about anything – the weather, politics, the news, old times, new recipes, etc. Distract yourself, and enjoy the company.
Watch a movie or two, or three, or however many it takes till you get past the urge to SI. Promise yourself that you will watch movies until you feel safe again.
Listen to soothing music (or scream to angry music).
Write about your feelings in your journal. Write a poem out about your feelings.
Scrub the house from top to bottom. Distracting yourself with tedious tasks, paying close attention to details can give you a different focus for the energy you are feeling.
Draw or paint on paper what you want to do to yourself. Draw or paint a second picture showing why you want to do this. Draw or paint a third picture showing how you wish you were feeling.
Play with, pet, hold, or hug your pet. Find comfort and soothe yourself with the company of your dog and cat instead turning to pain or injury.
Take a walk or exercise. The physical release of energy is helpful.
Plant a small garden. Creating something nice, making something pretty to look at, and tending to something alive can put you into a different frame of mind.
Take a bath or shower. Let the water soothe you and help release your stress. Talking out loud or crying in the shower helps get the pain out that is locked inside you. Let the stress rinse off and send it “down the drain” away from you.
Draw on yourself with a red marker instead of cutting.
Get out the hottest jar of salsa and add jalapeno pepper or red chili peppers, and dig in. It might burn your mouth or make your eyes water and your nose run to eat this, but it won’t scar or cause actual harm.
Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you think of hurting yourself.
Hit a pillow over and over and over till you tire yourself out or the thoughts go away. Speak or cry while you are doing this, if you can.
Read your favorite book, or read a new book from your favorite author.
Watch something really funny on TV – use comedy and laughter as a release.
Play games online. Computer games can be monotonous, trancey-hypnotic, time-consuming, and calming.
Work on web pages or any other big task that requires your attention.
Sleep, just have to complete shut down. Let the time pass, and hopefully when you wake up, the intensity of the emotion will have subsided.
For those with DID / MPD, go to the safe place you have created inside. Visualize nice things, comforting things, favorite things. Allow yourself to be surrounded by good things in life, even if it exists only in your internal world at that moment.
Snuggle under your favorite blanket in a safe, private, secure place, and allow the feelings to surface. Cry, shake, feel, breathe. Let yourself experience and feel your feelings.
Think of all the people who have ever had good, kind thoughts of you. Imagine each of them standing with you, holding hands and being with you. Allow them to offer comfort and support to you, even via your own thoughts. Write letters of appreciation to them.
Play the guitar or piano and play out your feelings through the music. Write a song about your feelings. Sing out loud with your favorite CD’s. If you find a song that fits just right, play it over and over and over.
Close your eyes and visualize yourself on vacation, far away from your stress. If you love the beach, for example, picture yourself walking at your favorite time of the day, barefoot along the shore, feeling the cool breeze across your face, listening to the waves coming and going, watching the sea gulls fly, picking up sea shells. Imagine yourself walking in the warm clear water, swimming with the dolphins, being totally safe.
Eat a healthy snack (not too sugary), have a cup of herbal tea, or a glass of milk. Avoid caffeine. Nibble on saltine crackers. Challenge yourself to take 50 nibbles or more on each cracker.
If you need to keep reading, try these articles:
- First Do No Harm — Not Even to Yourself
- 25 More Ways to Avoid Self-Injury and Prevent Self-Harm
- Why Can’t I Stop Hurting Myself? 12 Thoughts about That
I wish you the best in your healing journey.
Stay Safe!
Warmly,
Kathy
Copyright © 2008-2018 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation
Related Articles
I havent cut in months.
I want to, but I havent.
Some days it is very, very hard to not go back to it. Tonight, i want to so bad. It has been a really bad day. And I really, really want to get some relief for a few minutes.
But it doesn’t really work. Cutting doesn’t really help.
Oh, Nobody….I am sorry it was a really bad day for you and I am glad you did NOT go back to the cutting…it might be a bit of release in the moment – but would probably just cause even more struggle…..
I know for me, when the pressure gets bad…if I can sense that SOMEONE…ANYONE…is really hearing me…then it gives me something to hold onto….a bit of breathing room…the feeling completely alone with so much pressure is HARD…..the person may not know how to help me (can’t throw a stone at THEM! I don’t know either!)……but if they are “hearing” me – it helps…..
I had a REALLY rough time this past Friday and Saturday….the being alone with the pressure made it even harder…and scarier…..finding somebody who can “see” and “hear” me during those times somehow helps to counteract the tsunami of overwhelm, betrayal and abandonment that seems to hit me during those triggers…..
The goal – during THOSE times – is for me to “stay steady”….because I sure don’t know how to move “forward’…..Sometimes just staying steady is good….it is what is needed….
Glad you stayed steady, Nobody…..glad you came here and let us know….we are hearing you….
MissyMing
03/27/20
I’m trying to develop a self-compassion practice using Germer’s _mindful path to self-compassion_. I really like how he keeps reminding me I’m not doing it wrong. My fear of doing it imperfectly or doing more harm is a real challenge.
I want to practice practicing (everything). Does that make sense? Germer says the goal is to make less suffering, to make life easier. I see how perfectionism gets in the way of that.
I’m also practicing (still) noticing and naming body sensations and emotions/feelings and distinguishing the difference. And knowing they will pass. All emotions pass; if we pay attention once in a while (which is scary at first), we’ll notice that sensations and emotions pass like clouds in the sky.
I hope I can keep practicing and not give up. It is hard and scary and so full of potential! 10/22/18
ims so bad i hurt everybody
This is my first time visit at here and i am actually impressed to read all at alone place.
Hi Moz,
Welcome. So glad that you found us … especially Kathy. There is tons of information here and a warm, friendly and safe community that understands. We are all here to help one another and to make sure that no one is alone with their struggles with DID. Jump in and post when you can/want to. We would be very happy to hear more about you.
ME+WE
09/27/18
Hi Moz, welcome to the blog. Feel free to write whenever you feel like it. See you around!
MultipleMe
9/27/18
Thank you, moz, and welcome, welcome!
There really is a lot to read all at one place, no doubt about it. This blog is over 9.5 years old and it’s just grown and grown and grown over time. With more good stuff yet to come…. 🙂 .
Take your time, and have a good browse around. Feel free to comment on any post that you want to — every single article is still relevant so it doesn’t matter if you post on a new article or an old article. They all have relevance and importance to right now!
Thanks for joining us, and happy reading!
Warmly,
Kathy
Struggling so did art instead of self-harm. Wanted to share our collage with you: https://wediditptsd.wordpress.com/2018/08/24/stop-owing-start-owning/
Or just click our bear avatar. 8/24/18
Good job on the collage T.Clark. Good to know you can do artwork instead of self-harm.
What other kinds of art do yous do to process and help yourselves when you’re struggling?
We cant concentrate long enough to do too much of anything when in middle of SI struggles.
Hi, Kennedy! Thanks for talking to me!! We have been stuck without art for months or weeks and the bottleneck broke open.
We’ve been scrapbooking, writing poems (reading for inspiration), and we almost always write big bubble letters and color them in. We also make nature videos on YouTube. 💕 8/25/18
Very pretty. Good you can do that.
Thanks, Sssh! You made us feel good!
Great job on the collage T. Clark. It took you a long time but well worth the effort! I find that when I have an idea of what needs to come out in art, I can only sit with it for a short time, so I aspire to your length of sessions! It shows you can sit with the stuff and the ideas and not run away. Very brave of you. I hope it brought healing and comfort to your soul and that you are safe. It shows how resilient you are. Please stay in a safe spot with all your selves and please take some time to breathe and have fun as needed.
MultipleMe
8/25/18
Hi, MultipleMe. Thanks for the encouragement. Anger is motivating us.
Unfortunately, we’re yelling again at family. Not okay. We apologized and contacted a T today. We’re Considering going back in-patient or maybe ceasing to speak: no words, no yelling. We’re shopping for trauma therapists to add or replace existing trauma therapist.
This is hard so connecting with DD community is important to us. 8/26/18
Hey T.Clark. Hey Yous !
I wish we could do something that would help take away all the terrible feels yous are going through right now. Somehow give you a safe place to vent so yous don’t get overloaded. Ceasing to speak sounds like a good idea in the moment, but it’s not realistic at all. I know you know that and I can hear that what you really want is a way to deal with overwhelming emotions. When all the tools in our healing toolbags aren’t working and stress is piling up sky high I think we get into old patterns of escape and explode. The pendulum between fight and flight goes wackadoodle. Maybe a safe place away from it all where yous can concentrate on what is pushing yous into feeling like this can help. If yous decide to go in-patient will you let us know yous are gonna be away for a while so we don’t wonder and worry? If you do chose to go, I hope yous get what you need out of it. Work hard. Be loving, forgiving, and kind to yous.
We love yous. ♥️
Hi T. Clark,
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with the anger. Anger can be super hard to overcome, especially when we’ve all gone through so much. You deserve to be angry! Sometimes when I’m angry and hear lots of yelling and stuff and get really on the edge with my family, I have to pause and think and ask why? Why am I getting angry right now? Like why am I specifically angry in this moment? Sometimes I just need to go walk around the mall or bookstore just to get away and distract ourselves. So if getting out and away for a while will help, I say do it. My two cents anyway.
Also, I’m wondering…anger sometimes covers up fear…does that apply here?
Wishing you good days full of peace,
MultipleMe
8/27/18
Hi T.Clark,
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. Good for you for exploring your options and trying to help yourself. That is really hard to do. Give yourself credit for trying to make positive steps.
Thank you too for posting your artwork. Last week my T told me that she suggested to one of my insiders (one who is very angry and stuck there) to do some art. I was really uncertain about doing that and then I saw your work. Your posting has really inspired me to try this out. Thank you for that!
Sending positive thoughts and energy your way.
ME+WE
08/26/18
Thanks for the kind wordsKenKen and ME+WE. How to accept love and encouragement when we feel unlovable from trauma? How to trust people when so many let us down? We will let you know if we go in-patient. Wife wants us to. One T wants us to.
We will try to live in the present for one minute every hour as possible.
We ordered more photos to make more scrapbooks. That’s art.
KenKen, you had us at wackadoodle. Love that. 💕 8/27/18
Hi T.Clark,
To be honest with you, I am not sure how to respond here. I hear your pain in feeling unlovable and lacking in trust because of how you have been let down in the past. I do not want to do anything to sound like I am disrespecting those feelings here. I want you to know that I honour the many years of abuse that has gone into you earning those feelings. They are real, they are with just cause and they are yours.
It is very hard not to get all messed up in the programing of the past. We do not function that way. We spew out garbage, get all things muddled up and crash a lot. And, despite our best efforts and those helpers around us, it is not so easy to wipe our hard drives clean of those horrible viruses and to reload with positive, life-affirming programs.
Hard, but not impossible.
I would also like to shine the light away from what was and on to what is and can be T.Clark. You are trying … really, really trying from what I read in your comments. That counts for a big something. And, you have built a family that is there to support you. WOW … big check marks there. And, you have a bunch of professionals that are helping you – your Norton Utilities for identifying your viruses and getting rid of them.
From my read at this end of things and from what I read here in folks’ responses to you, you are loved, honoured, respected, and appreciated here T.Clark. These are not just words of encouragement. They are words of truth. You can trust that we understand here and want to help in any way that we can. You are not alone.
Sending lots more positive thoughts and energy your way.
ME+WE
08/27/18
ME+WE, thank you. Highly validating. So hard to reach out. We do try so hard. The support network is there and…we’re stuck in old ways!
Wife, T, and we will decide on in-patient probably by tomorrow and go later this week or early this week. We have to admit we’re out of control. Chasing too many ghosts and self-improvement goals. Need a total f’ing reboot.
Sometimes a recharge is just what one needs. To reboot. The one positive thing about inpatient is. It’s fouced on oneself and no outside distractions. The support and variety of views and advice is helpful.
Just remember it’s for you and not to worry about other issues. The only person that can fix oneself…. is oneself …. (ourselves)
T Clark, I will be sending hope.
That is very sweet Little a 😀
I hope you are doing good 🦋
From Rita
Dear T.Clark,
We support you in your reboot however that needs to be accomplished. We will be holding space for you here in our thoughts. Remember your safe place here and your friends who will be thrilled to welcome you back. Take good care.
ME+WE
08/29/18
T. Clark,
I know you’ll make the best decision for yourselves because it sounds like you have a good system of support. Sorry this is all happening, but if you feel out of control, maybe taking a break from the normal routine is just what you need. Try not to beat yourself up about anything if you are, it’s not your fault. It’s just a result of the trauma. I mean you have to take responsibility for your actions, but please don’t be consumed with hate toward yourself, if that’s what you’re feeling. I pray not.
Please keep us updated if you can. I love that we have this community at DD and I’m so glad I’ve found people like you to rely on.
MultipleMe
8/29/18
Needs a bit more explanation, Kathy. Work with the programming. Ok. So, how? Like use visualization like a computer?
What about those specific parts? What can we offer them instead?
Maybe a whole topic for Kathy to write about or did you? How to undo programming..
Hi again It,
Let me quote what you said originally: “Problem: insiders programmed to do injury to the body.”
Okay. So how do you know that? How do you experience-feel-remember-acknowledge that they were programmed? When you think about how they learned that, look inside, at them in the inside world. Help them remove the ways those harmful teachings were connected to them. What are their memories of how they were programmed to behave in the first place? And yes, of course, offer them something better in return. Sometimes it is basic kindness, or foods to eat, or acceptance into your system group, or listening to their concerns, or the opportunity to rest peacefully, etc. Find out what they want or need, and then find ways to give that to them.
For example, if on the inside, they hold a weapon in their hand, work with them to remove the weapon so they cannot use on anyone else in the system, including themselves. If that happens to be a young one, maybe they’d be interested in holding a teddy bear instead of a knife, especially if they were also allowed to go to a safe place inside where some of the others in the system would protect them from harm. Once you tend to their emotional needs, many of these internal parts can stop being destructive and become healthier, and stop hurting themselves or others.
It can get far more complicated than that, but that’s a simple example.
And yes, I agree, and I already working on some eBooks about that topic, It. You can search this site for “mind control” topics and read the information already posted. There’s not tons of stuff, as it’s difficult to write, but should be some ideas that can give you a starting place.
Remember – it’s your system, and if something is harmful in your internal world, you can remove it and get rid of it. Your inside world belongs to you and only you. You don’t have to keep anything that indicates internal programming, no matter what it is. Pull it off, throw it out, remove it, undo it, destroy it – whatever verb applies.
Everyone in your system has the right to freedom and safety!
Keep working at it — it’s a long process, but you can do it.
Warmly,
Kathy
Problem: insiders programmed to do injury to the body. We “must be punished” goes into full blown attack if these insiders deem there was some ‘wrong’ that was done.
The techniques are great but there doesn’t seem to be any convincing such parts.
So, being much older body age goes is embarrassing. People often tell us how we could do other things. How do we convince such insiders whose job is to discipline when wron is done?
We have tried telling them that they don’t have to do that. You have more suggestions?
Hi IT — quick response for you.
When programmed insiders start following their internal programming, the work to do is to address the programming because that’s where the pressure is coming from. The answer is by working on the inside, and less about the outside. You CAN remove programming that is connected to your insiders. So yes, if you already know that the SI is happening due to programming, your best way to address that is to address the programming itself — inside where the programming is. Look inside. Find who it’s connected to, and do the work you need to do to remove it.
Your inside people belong to you. They are your system. They are your people. You don’t have to carry icky yucky programming instructions with you anymore if you don’t want to. You can get rid of that stuff and let your insiders be free in their thinking and behavior.
Hope that helps.
Good question. Difficult one, but there are definite ways to fix that, yes. Absolutely. Approach it from working with inside.
Warmly,
Kathy
We keep getting mysteriously injured the past couple weeks and i would love to know how its happening. I STILL have a bad headache from when we very oddly fell down on our face several days ago (and hit forehead first). We are too switchy for me to catch anyone at it. And since all the kids are staying away from each other right now no one seems to know whats going on. I would love to figure out whats going on.
They must thing i am an idiot. They are not going to throw away my things. I wont let them.
Think of all the people who have ever had good, kind thoughts of you. Imagine each of them standing with you, holding hands and being with you. Allow them to offer comfort and support to you, even via your own thoughts. Write letters of appreciation to them.
Dont this be rong tho? Becuz what if those pepol dont thik good thots of you no more or they mad at you or dont like you no more. Dont it be rong to pertend?
To day we did find som of missys bad stuff
It be hidin way far in the closit
Tumarow wehn that man be at work we gona go put them all in the trash
Her will be mad but we dont care
We no her got more hidng eneway that we dont no ware but caden say wnevr we find bad stuff to throw it awae
Oh and caden findid suiside hot lins for missy to call or for us to call wen missy wont so her dont kill us
An outstanding share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a co-worker who was doing
a little research on this. And he in fact ordered me dinner simply because I stumbled upon it for him…
lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thanks for the meal!!
But yeah, thanks for spending some time to discuss this topic here on your blog.
im only 14 an have been rushed to hospital due to suicide attempts an ever since ive cut myself and hated my life today I was feeling very down and was slightly suicidal because when I was 13 my step dad and his friend started to talk to me differently and started to rub me up and they raped me , for about five months this was going on I didn’t tell my mum about is and when I did she told me I was a liar and stayed with my step dad I never forgave her for that and I wish I could be the girl I once was and this video really did help my suicide thoughts thankyou
This has really helped me changed my life around and its all thanks to you. Thank you! Xxx
This has really helped it has changed my life and nowi just want fun and love. THANKS xxxxxx
Pilgrim, I have an answer for that, but its long-winded, of course – and I’m working on that idea for a new blog post. Gimme a bit to write that up please. 🙂 Clue: Are you willing to sit with your true feelings instead of numbing out with self injury?
BrokenBeyondRepair —
I just re-read your post and saw that you started posting here, and thank you for that. It’s been great to get your comments — I’m glad you felt safe enough to start writing here. AND…. a quick response to what you said last year:
Yes, it sounds like you are switching to someone else in your system who is then doing the self injury. The distraction techniques will then either need to be used before the need to switch gets so far, OR the insider(s) from your system who are doing the injuring can be taught the distraction techniques so THEY can use them. The point being… you have a whole group of people in there, and if you are too dissociated as your own self to use them, let the others in your system apply them.
And I hope what I have to say in my partially written upcoming blog post helps you too.
Thanks for your comments everyone — much appreciated.
Warmly,
Kathy
The thing is broady that none of these work the way a good cut or burn do. They dont even come close as replacements. Not even CLOSE, even if you do the whole list or do it over and over, whatever.. Doesnt work.
Reblogged this on Discussing Dissociation and commented:
This 2008 article about Preventing Self Harm is one of the all-time top searched, top-viewed articles on this blog. For dissociative trauma survivors, it is important to learn how to manage all levels of intensity, from everyday life to the toughest internal challenges to the most horrific memories, without resorting to more injury to the self, the body, or the system. It’s a big big job to learn how to not let pain and self-directed violence be your best friend. It’s a big hurdle to learn that you do NOT deserve pain, injury, violence, or punishment. But you can learn these things. You can. Start small, but you can do it. Warmly, Kathy
I have been in this situation and these tips are really good. I would highly recommend getting advice from ex cutters
here http://stopcuttingyourself.blogspot.com/2013/04/cant-stop-cutting-myself-why-this-occurs.html
these are great tips but i just think that its honestly not the same as SI
i happen to only be 12 and im looking for tips to stop cutting but its all the same… and i want something different …only because i have tried just about all of them
I share behindthecouch`s problem. I`ve done this for such a long time, and pretty frequently. I `come to` and see the blood/whatever and realise I`ve self injured while dissociated.(Although, it`s only been in the past cpl of years dissociation was recognised). It means none of the distraction techniques work. It aso means that when asked (by a medical professional, for example) “why did you do this?” I honestly don`t know. I don`t feel that I gain anything from it, other than more scars.I`ve tried to remember what I`ve done, what may have triggered it and why but to no avail.
Gosh, sorry Kathy….I`ve read this blog for years but never posted. Now it feels safe to, I`ve posted so many times in the past few days.
Hi! I’ve been having a problem with self harm for a few months now. I’ve told my parents (I’m 15), and I’ve been seeing support teachers in school. Your distractions are really helpful, however, the only problem in that they don’t feel the same. I want to stop, more than anything, but, it’s difficult and I’m seeking to find a subsitute to cutting and burning, do you know any safe subsitutes? And is self harm addictive, as I have been told it can be?
I haven’t SI in almost two years. I quit all by myself after almost five years of it as my outlet. And three years of failing to stop. I never went to my mother for any help. I never even asked my friends for help. I just told them one day that i made my year mark. They didn’t know I even stopped. I’m actually quite proud of everything. My only problem with all of this is the feeling never went away. When I get mad, upset, or even stressed I feel the need to SI stronger than ever before I quit. All I really want to know is if I’m going to be struggling with this the rest of my life. This feeling of always wanting to SI. Is what I feel common? I’ve asked others who SI and they all told me was they out grew it. I just don’t know what to do. Because I’m starting to pick up the habits I had that lead up to SI. Like squeezing my arm. Biting my lip. Pulling my hair. It’s really starting to scare me.
To be honest. im only 16 and i have been self harming for 5 years. some of these dont work. most of these are just what therapist say to people to do. the only one that really seems to work is the rubber band. sometime writing you feels can actually make it worse.
Im not saying that none of these work im just saying that im my experience and all my friends that have and SH problem have tied these and they dont work. i have been trying for 3 years to stop and i try these but they dont work. they might work at first but the feel to really wanna cut never goes away. its always im me until i do it.
Ashley –
Thanks for writing. And I have to agree, just doing the surface things (like the rubber band) is not really going to help the self-harm urges go away in the long run. Those kinds of things help to re-learn some surface behaviors, but in my opinion, to get the self-injury to stop, it is about working a whole lot deeper on why you need to / want to / are willing to self injure in the first place.
For example…. Do you hate yourself? If so, why? Where did you learn that? What makes it ok in your mind to physically wound yourself? What feelings are you feeling (or refusing to feel) at the times when you are the most drawn to self injury? What relief does cutting give to you? What others ways can you get that relief?
And yes, writing what you feel CAN intensify the feelings. It’s also getting closer to what is actually going on, so…. if you can ride it out, and keep writing it out until you are literally emotionally exhausted, you might get a little deeper into the issues at hand. However, if you stop that intensity by cutting it off with self-injury, you’ll miss out on figuring out what else was going on for you.
The self injury stops the flow of the information. It numbs you, instead of letting you sit with the rest of the story.
I hope you have some healthy support from other people as well. A good therapist can probably help you to figure out some of these things.
My comments are just food for thought. I wish you the best on your healing journey….
Thanks for reading.
Warmly,
Kathy
Thank you for your ideas on avoiding SI….. I will definitely print this off and give them a try. I was CSA for 14 years and now I’m trying to move forward and find healing and life at 43 years old. My internal pain is so intense I feel i have to hurt externally. I have always hidden my SI on my genitals but now that I’m working through my feelings and emotions with my therapist but I feel I need to cut. I have never wanted to cut before. Please pray for me.
Kristie
This really helped me! Thank you so much :’)!
Hi bekavarty –
Welcome to the Discussing Dissociation blog. 🙂
I’m glad you found this article to be helpful — that’s really good news. It really is possible to overcome self-injury. It’s not easy, but it is possible. Keep up with the good work…
Kathy
we dont care anemore if we cut or not cos it dont mater it be rite there wehn we need it and it be 1 onley thing that make us fel beter we ust to want to stop but not anemore
hello,
i am new here, kathy, that you for your bolg! i have been having such a difficult time helping myself with the self harm/suicide urges (i have ptsd). i believe it is coming from a part that is about 8 years old. she tells me what’s wrong and i listen and try to comfort her but i do not have a diagnosis of did. my previous therapist for 8 years is very old school. he believes switching is obvious. since my 2 past hospitalizations, my prev. psychopharm (she does therapy also) asked me several years ago if i would consider that i was did. i was very upset at her suggestion, as you can understand, she can’t counsel me since she wasn’t my therapist. i used to forget how to get to her office… i am reconsidering…i need to work on getting stable and getting safe but my question is what if i’m talking to parts of myself and trying to help them but it may just be my imagination. maybe i am making (not on purpose-just confused) it all up. i have read many of your posts about listening and working on internal communication and that will help so much with stability and safety but i don’t want to mislead myself and perpetuate the possibility that i am inventing these communications. it is hard for me to journal my conversations with my parts since they are terrified that someone willl read and find out about us. i am so terrified that someone will find out! i only score about 28 on the des…it was very difficult to answer many of the questions, so much conflict
i want to stop cutting.really i do.
it seems like in these lists 1 of the things that you have to do instead of cutting is let yourself feel things or experience something non harmful. which are great ideas. but then it doesn’t do the same thing as cutting! it just isn’t the SAME. i don’t know how to get past THAT part. feeling is too scary, and the other things on all these lists on the internet just don’t work as good as cutting does. what am i doing wrong? i have to stop though. i know i do…not over mothers day weekend though. jo
Outstanding post. Thank you very much!
Thanks, Rose.
And thank you for stopping by. I’m glad you are finding this blog helpful.
Kathy
Excellent stuff as always Kathy.
I know I’m always asking for more (!) and hope you don’t mind but I think it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on SI whilst dissociated, ie with no knowledge. How would the therapist/client/dyad go about tackling that kind of issue when there is no conscious control of behaviour.
Thanks!
BTC.x
Hi BTC,
I don’t mind your questions at all — they are good, because it’s also helpful for me to know what people are wondering about / thinking about. I understand the situation you are referring to — that’s a very common problem — and I will be glad to add that to the “posts to write for the blog” list. 🙂
Thanks for writing! 🙂
Kathy